TLP 228: How Do You Become a Premeditated Parent?

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We need to develop a Christ -honoring way to deal with your daughter coming home late, your child experimenting with drugs, your son's failing report card, your daughter's refusal to learn how to use the toilet, the sexual images you found on your kid's device, your child's apathy concerning spiritual things, your daughter's materialism, your three -year -old's constant screaming, and everything else we encounter in our homes.

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Welcome back to our How Do You Become series. I always encourage people to listen to the whole series in order because they naturally build on each other, but this particular series is one in which

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I suppose you could jump around. Either way, make sure you listen to the whole thing. And while you're at it, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss an episode, and please consider rating, reviewing, and recommending while you're there.

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Perhaps when this series is over, you can let us know what you thought. It's a huge blessing and help to us as you share this ministry with your pastors and friends.

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And I want to thank Johanna for making this particular episode possible. She's not only part of Team TLP, but she also gives financially to support the work

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God's doing here. That's deserving of a double honor. However, she wanted to thank you so badly today,

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I just invited her to do so herself. Hi everyone. A little while back,

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I asked my husband if I could speak to you because I wanted to share from my perspective what

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I've been seeing. And it's just been so encouraging because when you set out to do something for the

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Lord, that puts you in the position where you now get to see God work. And it just becomes very clear as God works, you can see every aspect of God's will as you take those steps of faith.

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And with TLP, we're trying to reach out to families and give them God's word, and God is connecting us with those people.

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And it's just been a huge answer to prayer to watch as God builds relationships with His word and through His Holy Spirit.

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And that has just been such a joy to watch. And also, God's providing the means that we need in order to do this.

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Every step is a step of faith. And with that comes needs.

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And God has been sending in the answers to those prayers through you, mainly, the people who are listening.

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Those of you who have sent in your support, I really just want to say thank you.

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I know that God is using that in a miraculous way, in a way that only He can do. And I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that I, personally, am being so blessed.

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It's not just us reaching out to you, but you're reaching out to us, and you're being a blessing to us, and that is so encouraging.

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So thank you so much. Thank you for your prayers, for your letters, for the talks that we've had, the encouraging times, and for all of your support, too.

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You can learn more about supporting this ministry by clicking on the Five Ways to Support TLP link in the description below.

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Really, for less than the price of a coffee a week, you can help us spread God's word to the corners of the world and assist dads and moms as they become the ambassador parents

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God called and created them to be. Recently, Jess sent a generous donation via our

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PayPal link, and she said, Your podcast has been such a blessing to me. Thank you for your commitment to biblical truths.

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Well, whether any of you give or not, we seek to remain committed to biblical truth and to continue to bless families.

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But we do ask that you please prayerfully consider what you will do in 2019. Also, Team TLP and I love to do whatever we can to thank our patrons—those are the ones who give on a monthly basis—and to thank them for their sacrificial giving.

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We sent all of our 2018 patrons a gorgeous 16x20 canvas print of the

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Communication House. You can learn what that is on episode 38, if you've never heard of that before. By the way, if you'd be interested in purchasing the

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Communication House on a canvas, you can send an email to teamtlp at truthloveparent .com

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for more details. They really are beautiful, and they're more than just art. They're designed to remind your family about how

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God expects us to talk in our homes. They're perfect for the Make Your Commitment Visible step of becoming a more

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Christ -honoring parent this year. There's so much value in posting your goals and reminders all over your homes.

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Even Deuteronomy 6 commands us parents to put God's Word on our doorposts. Okay, let's talk about how to take the first steps to being a premeditated parent.

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I have to admit, much like my realization about intentional parenting, we haven't done a ton of episodes just about premeditated parenting.

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However, like intentionality, that's what our whole ministry is about. Let me explain how by working through our four main points for this series.

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Number one, we need to learn the truth about being premeditated. As part of this point,

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I've been sharing the resources we have on this subject. The list of episodes we had on being an ambassador was very long, but we only had four last time and this time

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I only have two resources, but here's why. Being intentional and premeditated are two sides of the same coin.

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Intentionality is the decision to deliberately exercise your intellect to know the truth and your faith to live the truth.

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It's the decision. But being premeditated is to intentionally make a plan. Intentionality is a prerequisite to premeditated parenting, and premeditated parenting is the living out of our intentionality.

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To simplify it, a premeditated parent plans their parenting. They develop courses of action for various situations and eventualities so that they minimize the temptation to improvisational, emotional -laden parenting.

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I have three resources that will deepen your understanding of this concept, and I'll mention two now and one later.

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The first is episode three, five steps to becoming a premeditated parent. I will allude to those five steps today during our make small changes section, but I will also give you some other practical first steps to being a premeditated parent.

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Also, I plan to do a future episode that deals with the significant biblical data concerning the importance of having a plan.

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There is so much to say on the subject. And the second resource is our episode notes and transcript, which we publish with every new show.

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They're all on our blog, Taking Back the Family, and you can find that at truthloveparent .com or linked below.

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So, what do we do with this knowledge? Number two, decide to believe the truth about being premeditated.

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Just like with everything else we've learned and will learn, the burden of responsibility lies on us to accept

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God's word as truth and choose to live accordingly. We need to believe that God doesn't simply want us feeling our way through life.

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He didn't create us to emote from one experience to another. He doesn't want us simply improvising throughout life.

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The whole reason He gave us the Bible is that we don't have to make things up as we go. Do you believe that?

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Do you believe that you can have a plan for facing your teenager today? Do you believe that you can prepare for the terrible twos?

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Do you trust God that His word has everything you need for life and godliness? God has a plan,

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He has a will, and we can work toward that will. As always, I encourage you to talk to God about this.

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Once again, it's wise to admit your shortcomings in this area. Talk to Him about the struggle you've had being prepared to point your kids to Him.

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Be honest about your failure to parent in the gospel. Tell Him that you understand that He gave you

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His word for a reason and that you should be actively preparing to meet the onslaught that Satan is currently slamming against your home.

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He warned us that Satan was a roaring lion, actively seeking whom he may devour. Let God know that you realize that you need a plan.

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And then praise Him for giving you one. Thank Him that His word has everything you need to glorify Him in your parenting.

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Praise Him that there are commands and principles and illustrations to help us answer those hard parenting questions. Thank Him that He offers grace and wisdom and strength to put those answers into your daily parenting

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Bibles and use them in your home. And decide to believe that you can be a premeditated parent to the glory of God.

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3. Get some help being premeditated. That's right. Get your parenting community in on this.

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You do have one, right? Are you working on this? Who do you have in your life to whom you've given permission to be brutally honest about your parenting?

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Who knows that you want to be an intentional premeditated ambassador parent and who's going to help you become that?

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So when you have that person, and if your spouse professes to be a Christian, they should definitely be the first on the list, talk to them about this goal.

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Make sure you're both on the same page about what it means to be premeditated. We don't want anyone thinking about murder here, alright?

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Make sure you know the truth God wants you to use as the foundation of your plans. And then you can help each other develop a parenting strategy.

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Let me take this moment to remind us as well about the importance of our friend being someone who actually experiences our parenting.

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These people should know how we parent. They should be around us and our kids enough to see us fail to put our plans into practice and the times we're successful at it.

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When you look at community this way, it takes it far beyond just a ladies day out or a playdate. These opportunities are for life -on -life discipleship.

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Yes, to grow deeper in your relationship, but to do so as you grow more into the image of Christ. We all need help and your accountability partner, mentor, counselor, friend should be assisting you as you develop a

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Christ -honoring way to deal with your daughter coming home late, your child experimenting with drugs, your son's failing report card, your daughter's refusal to learn to use the toilet, the sexual images you found on your kid's device, your child's apathy concerning spiritual things, your daughter's materialism, your three -year -old's constant screaming, and everything else we encounter in our homes.

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We need a plan, and if your friends love God and are dedicated to submitting to His revealed word, they can be an amazing part of this process.

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And that will help us, number four, make small changes. Let's start by reviewing the five steps to becoming a premeditated parent we learned in episode three.

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Even though we're going to review them quickly here, I suggest you listen to the episode if you haven't listened to it yet or heard it in a while.

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Number one, study your past reactions. This point is about being brutally honest with yourself and to your past parenting performance when it comes to being planned and purposeful.

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Number two, prepare a Christ -honoring response. This is where we take what we learned and develop a specific plan for eventualities we know we're going to face in our homes.

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There are two ways to approach this. Number one, you could pick the area in your life where you are the most reactive and least premeditated.

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Or number two, you could start your premeditated parenting journey in small ways. Either way, pick something and start working on it.

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But how do you know what to do? Well, that's where you need to turn to the scriptures. God's Word has everything we need for life and godliness, and it's our responsibility to discover and submit to it.

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I also recommend that you ask a counselor or your accountability partner to help you with your plan. Make sure it has a couple sets of mature, biblically -informed eyes evaluating it so that it's not just our ideas, but their

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God's. Number three, practice that response. You can practice your responses with other children or in lower -intensity situations

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This prepares you for the bigger struggles later. Number four, bathe your interactions in prayer.

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Remember that Philippians 4 teaches us, when there's something that tempts you to worry, anxiety, or fear, you need to commune with God in prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving.

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If you haven't heard the Peaceful Parent series yet, you really should check it out. It's based in Philippians 4, and it points to how we can be at peace in our parenting even when our kids aren't responding the way we'd like.

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But anyway, like I suggested with the previous character traits, really take the time to share with God your desire for growth, apologize for your previous failures, and rest on His grace and strength.

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Number five from episode three was be critical of your performance. When the time comes to put your plan into action, be honest with yourself about how well you executed the plan.

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Your spouse can be a significant help with this step, as can your parenting community. Okay, so those are five great small steps that I challenge you to take as you strive to be a newer, better, and more

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Christ -honoring parent this year. But here are a few more. Number six, sign up for our 25

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Days to Becoming a Premeditated Parent course. It's a completely free email course dedicated to helping you learn to be more purposeful in your parenting.

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Thousands of people have taken it, and we've received a lot of great feedback. It's very robust and provides varied and practical steps for developing a biblical parenting plan.

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And it's free. Did I mention that? Just click on the link below to be taken to the sign -up sheet. We also offer a mentorship program for the course.

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It's only $50, but that's because you have a TLP counselor walking through the program with you.

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They'll evaluate your life work and provide feedback on your progress, and they'll also keep you accountable so that you finish it well and on time.

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Of course, you don't need to have the mentorship program in order to do the 25 Days to Becoming a Premeditated Parent, but that's another option for you.

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Number seven, you can also join our closed TLP Facebook group and make it a habit to ask questions and get involved in discussions.

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It's pretty quiet over there sometimes, and perhaps that's because things are going well or people have other counselors speaking into their questions, or there just really aren't that many people there yet.

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Either way, when we intentionally grow our biblically -based parenting communities, we're surrounding ourselves with truth and keeping it in the forefront of our minds.

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So whether you're a part of the group yet or not, ask questions, pose ideas, and get the juices flowing so that your mind can be sharper, quicker, and more prepared to meet the countless surprises our children introduce into our otherwise normal lives.

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In order to join that group, just head over to TruthLoveParent .com and join the TLP family. You'll receive a number of things when you do that, but you'll also get a code to join the closed

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TLP family Facebook group. And again, all of that is totally free. And number eight, make your commitment visible.

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So you say you want to make a plan. Start by planning how you're going to keep God's truth concerning purposeful parenting before your eyes.

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My wife is an artist, and I'm going to ask her if she'd consider creating some TruthLoveParent -specific artwork that we could sell on the website.

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Of course, you could totally do the same thing, but it will need to be planned regardless of what it is. Even if it's just a hand -scribbled post -it, which is better than nothing, you have to intentionally purpose to do it.

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One of the things we want to expand on our website is our selection of printable and shareable images. You can find our current collection under the

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Parenting Tools tab at TruthLoveParent .com. Either way, make your commitment visible. As we close today,

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I want to congratulate Kara and the group of ladies with her right now. She intentionally planned to meet with a group of her friends to work through this series together.

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That decision right there was three of the four steps. She's learned the truth. She believed the truth.

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She started to build her parenting community all so that they could make small changes together. That is awesome.

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I hope you ladies have been blessed and challenged so far, and I hope you have a lot of fun with this. And I'd encourage the rest of you to follow

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Kara's footsteps. Collect some friends and work through this material in your Sunday school or small group or just as part of a casual time at one of your houses.

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If nothing else, you could easily share this episode on social media by hitting the correct buttons. And on our next episode, we're going to discuss how to become a disciple -making parent.

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That's a huge topic that needs a whole series dedicated to it, but we all need to start with the first steps, and that's what this series is about.

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Those first couple steps to change our trajectory. We'll work on the 10th, 100th, and 1000th step later.

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You may think you're not wired to be thought out and well -planned. You may see yourself as a spontaneous or fly -by -the -seat -of -your -pants type of a parent, but that's not how

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God has called us to parent. And even if you are quote -unquote wired a certain way, well,

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God desires to rewire all of us. You can do this. We'd love to be part of that process.

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And so to that end, I'll see you next time. Truth. Love. Parents. Is part of the

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Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.