Episode 624: TLP 624: Biblical Families, Part 12 | the Sting

When the Holy Spirit or a faithful friend uses the truths of the Bible to show me that I've sinned,

I need to embrace that, not push it away. Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids.

Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth Love Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

God the preeminence in their parenting. Can you believe there are only three more of these family devotionals left?

Yeah, well, you probably can believe that. In fact, you may be amazed that we've gone this long.

I hope not. I hope Bible study is precious and special to you, but I can understand because we've been at this for a long time.

I mean, in a child's life, 12 weeks is a lifetime. Well, it will all be worth it if our families are more biblical in Christ's honoring because of it.

If nothing else, your parents will be better equipped to help you know the Lord long after you've forgotten what we discussed in these sessions.

By the way, if you're just dropping in to check these out, I want to invite you to start at the beginning of this series with episode 613.

The progression and truth claims you'll hear today will make much more sense when they're established on the truth that came before it.

Now, assuming that you are ready to continue, I hope you check out the free episode notes, transcript, life work, and related resources linked in the description.

I hope you as a family and as individuals study the scripture more than just once a week. The resources there are a wonderful way to keep the study going.

In fact, as we near the end of this devotional, I hope you're excited to jump into our Family United in God devotional.

It's only seven sessions with a bonus introduction that you don't even necessarily have to watch if you don't want to, so you'll be working through Ephesians a bit faster than we did 1

John. It normally costs $50, but if you use the link in the description today, you can get the access to it for only $25.

We desperately want your family to be unified in worshiping God and growing in Him, so we're happy to discount our material and give away so much of it.

In fact, if you and your family have been blessed by this free devotional series, maybe you could consider donating to the ministry.

We're a nonprofit, your donations are tax -deductible, and we could really use the help so that we can continue producing more of this free biblical parenting content.

All right, let's dive into today's topic, the sting. I hope you did your life work this week, and I hope while you were meditating on this passage, you figured out what the sting of biblical families is.

So let's start by reading the passage together. 1 John 4, 15 -21 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the

Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have come to know and have believed the love which

God has in us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

By this, love has been perfected with us so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because as he is, so also are we in this world.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

We love because he first loved us. If someone says, I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar.

For the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him, that the one who loves

God should love his brother also. Now, much of this probably sounds very familiar.

As I mentioned long ago, John's emphasis on love runs throughout this book. But what we need to do is understand that there's a truth behind the obvious words here.

Hopefully, you've already begun to see it. Number one, confession requires belief. Hopefully, you remember this from earlier in our study, but the

Greek word translated confesses refers to agreeing with someone. Here's a practical example.

If you say, I love huge roller coasters, and I say, I love huge roller coasters too. And then you say, let's ride that huge roller coaster.

And then I say, are you kidding me? No way. At that moment, there's a breakdown between what

I confessed, loving huge roller coasters, agreeing with you on that point, and what I really believe about huge roller coasters.

For far too long, people have been deceived into thinking that just because they say something, that means it's true.

Whether they're saying it about themselves or about current events or reality or whatever. People claim to believe in God or be a

Christian and we're all just supposed to say, okay. And even though their lives clearly show that they don't agree with God about who he is and what he expects, we're not allowed to question them or confront them because they said,

I believe in God. But my friends, John is going to absolutely attack and destroy that entire delusion.

Yes, you may say something with your mouth, but that doesn't mean you actually agree with it and are truly confessing it.

To confess that Jesus is God is to agree with who Jesus is, what Jesus is, and everything that Jesus believes, teaches, and expects.

Confession is nearly identical to the concept of belief. You don't believe something to be true if your behaviors don't fall in line with what you say you believe.

If you say, I believe I need to obey my parents, even when I'm convinced I'm right, and yet you choose to disobey them in that moment, you're proving by your actions that you don't actually believe you need to obey them.

You believe you get to do whatever you decide. You're confessing that your actions are acceptable.

You are not truly confessing that Jesus is the Son of God, that God abides in him, and that he abides in God if your life does not prove through its consistent striving that you love the way

God wants you to love. Once again, John is going to tell us that God is love, and then he's going to naturally extrapolate that only people who abide in God's love abide in him and he in them.

This whole passage and the sting we're discussing today is that the proof is in the pudding. You may not have heard that statement before.

The actual statement is the proof of the pudding is in the eating. This means that you can call it chocolate pudding all you want, but when

I taste it and can taste nothing but strawberries and vanilla, I will have my proof. Your words will mean nothing at all at that moment because I know that it's not chocolate pudding.

And John continues this argument in the next few verses. Number two, confidence requires submission.

What is the only way we can have confidence in the day of judgment? When Jesus returns and his people stand before the judgment seat of Christ, how will we know for certain we have nothing to fear?

First, let's start with what the judgment seat of Christ is. First Corinthians 3, 11 through 15 tells us of a day that our works will be judged by fire.

Verses 14 through 15 read, If any man's work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward.

If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.

Romans 14, 10 through 12 reads, But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you view your brother with contempt?

For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For it is written, As I live, says the Lord, to me every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess to God.

So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God. Many people have conjectured what this will look like, but I don't want to be one of those people.

Regardless of how Jesus chooses to conduct his judgment seat, we can be certain that we will be judged by what we did, how we did it, and why we did it.

And the only way a person can confidently walk into such a courtroom is when he knows he did his best by the grace and power of God to live in submission to God's commands.

John says that perfect love casts out fear. As we mature in our spiritual growth and love more like God loves, we won't be anxious that we're going to be caught doing something we shouldn't.

We're not going to fear having something found out because there will be fewer and fewer things we'll do that will be an affront to God and a sin against others.

And then John reminds us once again that we can only love God because God first loved us. It's his love on and in us that needs to flow out of us.

We can say all we want that we're a Christian and we believe in God and we love God and other people, but when we sin against others and break

God's commands, our lives make it evident that we don't have God's love in us, at least in that moment.

Okay, so confession requires belief and confidence requires submission. Our next point is number three, communication requires obedience.

Like I said earlier, John's not going to let this go. He started verse 15 talking about what we confess with our mouths, and then he built a case for the fact that what we say needs to be proven by our conformity to Christ.

And then comes his closing argument. If someone says, I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar.

There John goes again daring to call us liars, but it's not just John. It's the Holy Spirit inspiring

John to write this. These are God's words. If we say we love God, but we're hateful to our family members,

God is looking at us and saying, you're a liar. You don't love me. Then John makes the statement, the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love

God whom he has not seen. Since it requires the love of God to love our brothers, and if we're not loving our brothers, we obviously don't have the love of God in us.

And if we don't have the love of God in us, then we can't truly love him because the love we give back to him, he first gave to us.

Now remember, of course, in all of our discussions about this, we're talking about consistency. We're not talking about perfection, right?

Just that's a very important thing to remind us at this point. Now, listen, you and I can claim whatever we want, but our lives have to back it up.

They have to agree with our words or we're nothing but liars. And then

John ends with this familiar command. In this commandment, we have from him that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

So, are you feeling the sting? I know I am.

Listen, I've been clear with you since the beginning. I'm not perfect. I sin too. I shouldn't. It's wrong, but it happens. I often mindlessly slip into self -worship and even worse,

I far too often choose to disobey the Lord. But a Christian can't do that without feeling the sting.

That means that when I'm confronted by my sin, I feel convicted. I feel ashamed. I feel guilty.

That's the sting about which we're talking today. And listen, this is a good experience.

But we have a number of resources I want to share with you before we dive into our final point. Each of these resources will help everyone in your family, including the parents, to understand and respond correctly to biblical conviction.

The first is called children and shame. Our world wants us to believe that shame is always bad, but shame that's a result of biblical guilt is very good.

The second is called parenting sorrowing children. Sometimes that sting feels more like sadness.

This short series helps us to identify the root of our sorrow to see if we're sorrowing the right way or the wrong way.

And then there's how your children respond to sin. Part four deals specifically with conviction and parts 10 and 11 show how to respond to it correctly.

Now, let's be honest. All of us should feel that sting today. For those of us who claim to be

Christians, we should be growing in our understanding of our sin and God's expectations for our righteousness. As we do that, it should be easy for us to see our sin.

We'll no longer be like that delusional fool in chapter 1 who said he had no sin. Since we sin every day, it should be easy to remember the times this week or even today where we didn't love as God loves, the times we hated someone.

And even if you're not a Christian, it should be easy to see those behaviors in your life. You may not define them as sin or think they're wrong, but you should be able to recognize that God doesn't like how you're living.

Even if you're an otherwise quote -unquote nice or good person, the fact that you live the way you do because that's how you want to live is idolatry.

We should be living for God. So hopefully we all feel one kind of sting or another.

And our last point will be all about how to respond to that sting, that guilt, that shame correctly.

However, if you're sitting here and not feeling that sting, you simply can't see your sin or you just don't care, please understand that is a huge problem.

According to 1 John, that means that you're blind and living in the dark. It's bad. It's dangerous. You need the light of Christ in your life to help you see him and his way better.

Lord willing, perhaps as we discuss this last point, your eyes will be open to the truth. Number four, conviction requires repentance.

This is a topic we've discussed so many times on this podcast, but I recognize that many of you are participating in this study with your families for the first time and may not have heard it before.

Obviously, I want to be thorough, but I also need to respect the time. So I'm going to cover all the main points and encourage you to dive deeper as necessary with the linked resources so you can understand the importance and depth of biblical repentance.

A, repentance humbly acknowledges conviction. Humility is an ingredient that will show up in each of these points.

Humility is the frame of mind whereby I'm not considering what I feel and want and think. My only concern is what

God says. The pride focuses on me, humility focuses on God and others. So when the

Holy Spirit or a faithful friend uses the truths of the Bible to show me that I've sinned, I need to embrace that, not push it away.

I need to be thankful that God loves me enough to use his word and his people to show me the dangers of my sin.

In 2 Corinthians 7, 9 -10, we read, I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to repentance.

For you were made to have godly sorrow, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us.

For godly sorrow produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but sorrow of the world brings about death.

The godly sorrow mentioned here is the humble response to conviction, but it's not good enough to just feel bad about our sin.

Letter B. Repentance humbly confesses sin. We've already talked a bunch about confession and the need for it, but we must be reminded that true conviction will always lead to agreeing with God.

We're not going to redefine our sin. We're not going to hide our sin. We're going to be honest about it.

It's sin. It's wrong. We need to stop living in the darkness and live in the light. If we agree with God about our sin, we'll confess that to him and the people against whom we've sinned.

Matthew 5, 23 -24 says, Therefore, if you're presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, because you sinned against him, leave your offering there before the altar and go.

First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Confession is a part of reconciliation.

The other person knew that what we did was wrong. The other person is hoping we'll see it too. Hopefully, if they love us as they ought, they've already told us what was sin, and so now we need to agree with the truth.

Okay, so God convicts us, and then we need to confess our sin. But there's more.

Letter C. Repentance humbly asks for forgiveness. It's not enough to say,

I'm sorry, or to simply acknowledge that what we did was wrong. We need to act on that. If we really did sin, then we absolutely need to ask the person against whom we've sinned to forgive us.

We also need to ask God to forgive us. We asked the person first, and then God. We saw that in the previous passage we read.

Now, this is the point on which we could spend a lot of time because far too many people just don't understand the importance and process of asking for forgiveness.

That's why I go into so much detail about it in those resources I mentioned earlier. Here's the idea boiled down to its most basic parts.

If I sin against you, I have failed to love you as I should. In Romans 13 .8, Paul says,

I owe you love and I owe it to you all the time. If I don't love you as I should and I sin against you,

I can't just make that up to you. Any love I show you in the future will simply be the love I owe you then.

I can't go back in time and I can't love you doubly in the future. Therefore, the only way my sin debt against you can be wiped out is if you do something about it.

You will need to forgive me. To forgive something is to wipe it away like it never existed. It's like the parable where the man owed a lifetime of money and his

Lord declared the debt forgiven. He no longer owed any money. So, if you sin against someone, if you've been convicted about it, and if you agree with God about it, you will confess that sin to the other person and then ask them to forgive you.

That's the only way you can have true reconciliation. That's the only way you can have that debt removed. This is the same process

God uses with us in salvation. But believe it or not, there's still one more step.

I've responded humbly in conviction, confession, and by asking for forgiveness, but don't you think I should really work hard to stop sinning that way so I don't have to go through this process again?

Letter D, repentance humbly commits to change. Repentance is the process of turning around.

Repentance isn't simply feeling bad, confessing, or asking for forgiveness. Repentance is actually the act of stopping the sin, turning around, and instead living in righteousness.

When I've sinned against you, it's wise and kind and appropriate for me to say something like, with yours and God's help,

I want to do my best to stop sinning against you this way. It's a commitment to work in the power of God to change, but not just words, right?

It's not just us saying something and then proving by our lives that we don't mean it. We're committing to actually change, to engage in that process.

Again, I know that was a very quick flyover, but I've provided you plenty of other resources that will do a far more in -depth job of opening the

Bible to show the importance of each of these steps. And that's the sting and how we are to respond to it.

Let's read the passage again and then review. 1 John 4, 15 through 21.

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God. And we've come to know and have believed the love which

God has in us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

By this, love has been perfected with us so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because as he is, so also are we in this world.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

We love because he first loved us. If someone says, I love God and hates his brother, he is a liar, for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love

God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him, that the one who loves

God should love his brother also. Confession requires belief.

Confidence requires submission. Communication requires obedience. Those are the goals toward which we need to be moving in our spiritual maturity.

As we mature, when we fail to move toward those goals, we should experience conviction.

And that conviction requires repentance. In order to truly repent in a valuable way, we need to humbly respond correctly to conviction by confessing, asking for forgiveness, and committing to repentance.

As we repeat this process over and over, this will result in our continued growth, discipleship, maturity, and change.

All right, here's our life work for this week. Number one, meditate on 1 John 5, 1 through 12, at least twice this week.

This passage is a little longer, but if you've been faithful with your life work up until now, you'll find it's much easier to meditate on more scripture than it was a couple months ago.

Now, if you're still struggling, keep working on it. You can do it because God wants you to do it and has capacitated you to do it.

Number two, ask the Holy Spirit to convict you this week so that you can repent as necessary.

Instead of running from criticism and fighting reproof, commit to embrace it. Proverbs 27, 6 says that faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Psalm 141, 5 says, let the righteous smite me in loving kindness and reprove me.

It is oil upon the head, let not my head refuse it. David is saying that it's good when righteous people speak truth and love, even if that means they need to tell me

I'm wrong and that I've sinned and it hurts a bit and it stings. We need the

Holy Spirit's power to respond correctly in these situations, so be sure to ask him for that help. And number three, commit to repentance.

When you do sin against someone this week, because you will, work through these steps. Let the sting of conviction grieve your soul.

Humbly confess your sin and ask for forgiveness. Commit to change and then actually start changing.

By God's grace, don't sin against that person in the same way or at least with the same frequency. Again, it'll be a process of slow perfection over consistent time, but repentance is a glorious process.

And of course, don't forget to share this devotional with your friends and email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 if we can minister to your family.

And then join us next time for the second to the last session when we'll discuss the consummation of biblical families.

I'll see you then. Truth Love Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship

God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study God's word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness.

And remember that TLP is a listener supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com