What Christ Did for Me (Zac's Testimony) — Zac Poonen

Paul's Testimony as a Message

We read the testimony of the Apostle Paul three times in the Acts of the Apostles. One is where Luke himself describes it. Luke wrote Acts of the Apostles in Acts chapter 9, under this bridge. And then twice, when Paul himself gave his testimony in Acts 22, when he was testifying to the Jews, and later on in Acts 26, when he was testifying to King Agrippa, where he gave testimony concerning his salvation, how he was initially saved on the road to Damascus.

We don't see him giving a message there, because his testimony itself was a message. And then, particularly in 2 Corinthians, and also in some other passages of Scripture, we find Paul giving his testimony concerning his inner life.

2 Corinthians especially, if you want to know the inner life of the Apostle Paul, that made him the man he became, mighty servant of God. You have the secret in 2 Corinthians, the type of life he lived, the principles he lived by.

And other passages also, like 1 Corinthians 9, 2 Thessalonians 3, Acts chapter 20, where he gives his testimony concerning his attitude to money. These things have encouraged me to give my own testimony at different times.

Why Personal Testimony Must Point to Christ

I've usually been very reluctant to give a personal testimony. In fact, out of maybe nearly 2 ,000 tapes we have in India on different subjects, 2 ,000 of my tapes, different languages, I don't think there's even one which contains merely my testimony.

I've been reluctant to do that because of one reason. It's much more difficult when giving a testimony to give the glory to God alone than it is when preaching a message. And I know that the most important thing that every servant of the Lord who stands up to preach the Word has to be careful about is to ensure that people are not drawn to Him, but to Christ.

If I have drawn people to myself, I would consider myself a failure in my ministry. But if I have drawn people beyond myself to Jesus, then I have been a success. And I see a lot of people who are drawing people to themselves, and it's the one thing I have feared throughout these 29 years of being in churches, and that's one reason why we have about 70 elder brothers who look up to me like a spiritual father, and I almost never write to them because I'm afraid of this one thing.

Lest they look to me for every little thing instead of clinging to the Lord. I say, listen, I'm available, but you don't have to depend on me. I want you to grow up quickly and lean upon the Lord. And so it's with a lot more fear and trembling than in preaching that I stand today to give a testimony.

And I want to say one more thing, and that is another reason why I've been reluctant to give my testimony is because some people who have been tremendously helped by my ministry or who admire me a lot, you can't help that, can make that like a standard to follow.

And I wanted to say right at the beginning that there's only one standard to follow, and that's Jesus Christ. Only one example. And if you see something in a man that helps you to follow Jesus, follow that.

There may be other things in that man which you cannot follow because no man is perfect. And if you know me close enough, you'll discover lots of areas where you shouldn't be following me. But most of them could be areas where I myself don't have light.

You know, all of us have got blind spots. We don't see ourselves in certain areas. And the other thing is we're pressing on to perfection. Like I read somewhere, somebody said, If I'm here, if I can teach you something, it's because I've been a patient in this hospital a little longer than you have been.

I'm not the doctor. I'm not the nurse. But one of the patients has been here a little longer, so I can show you where the rooms are, and where you go for your x-rays and things like that. So that's all.

Jesus is the only doctor who can help us. And no man's life is a standard to follow. God works in different ways. God doesn't make people who look exactly alike, like made out of cookie cutters. When a man builds a row of apartments, they all look alike.

But along the same road, when God plants trees from the same type of seed, each tree is different. That's the difference between man's work and God's work. Man's work is uniform and dead. God's work is with variety, but with life.

So remember this, that it's the general principles in any man's testimony, whether Paul's or anybody else's, that we are to follow. And God deals with each of us differently, because each of us is precious in God's eyes.

Every single one of you is a special child to God. And no one is His special favorite. I'm no special favorite. You're no special favorite. But you're a special child of God. And He loves you specially.

He doesn't put you in a classroom and teach you all together, like human teachers. He gives each child individual attention. He knows where you're weak, which subjects you're weak in. And He helps you.

He gives you extra coaching in those subjects. So if you find certain temptations coming your way frequently, you know why it is. Because God sees you're a little weak in that subject, and He wants you to pass.

He wants you to come through. He wants to give you a fresh start. I was born in a Christian family. It was when the Second World War had just started, November 39. And my father was already born again.

A Christian Upbringing and an Uncertain Conversion

But it was a family where, I mean, it's a church very similar to the Roman Catholic Church. It's called in India the Syrian Orthodox Church. I grew up in the part of India where, I mean, I belong to that community in India where we've had Christianity for 2 ,000 years.

The Apostle Thomas came to that part of India in 55 A .D. He took the command of Jesus seriously to go to the outermost parts of the earth and be His witness. And he came to India. And he was killed in India.

But because of that, we've had Christianity in that part of India for 2 ,000 years. That doesn't mean that I can trace my ancestry all that time. But I know at what stage people became Christians. I'm sure before Thomas came, they were all Hindus.

But they became Christians. And it's mostly nominal Christianity. But my father was a believer. And so, from my earliest recollection, when I was a little boy, I grew up in the capital city of India, in Delhi.

He sent me to a Sunday school where I heard the Gospel, to a Brethren Assembly Sunday school. So I had the privilege of hearing the Gospel from childhood. And because it was a God-fearing family and having heard the Gospel from childhood, I didn't do any serious crime.

God protected me from the common sins that many people fall into because of this type of upbringing. And so, one of the problems that such children have is they don't have a crisis in their being born again.

Being born again is a crisis. But many people like me cannot pinpoint the date or the time or the hour. In fact, I don't even know the year. And the reason is because I must have asked Jesus to come into my heart, I don't know, 100 times, 500 times, I've got no idea.

I've got no... I lost track of how many times I did that. I don't even know from what age, perhaps from the age of 13 or so. And the reason I can't say is because I was never sure. I would go to a meeting, I'd hear the Gospel that I'm a sinner and I had no problem accepting that.

I wasn't this gross type of sinner like other people, but I knew that I was a bad boy inside. And I knew that Jesus died for me and I asked him to come to my heart, but nothing happened. You know, I heard other people speak about lights and electric shocks and I never seemed to get anything like that.

So, I never heard a voice from heaven or any such thing. So, how do I know? How could I be sure? So, just to make sure, I didn't want to go to hell. So, just to make sure, the next time I was meeting again, I'd say, Lord, please come to my heart.

And it went on and on and on and on and on and on for years. Now, I remember sometime after I was saved, I attended a meeting where I heard a murderer giving his testimony in India. It was fantastic. He said how he was a gang of murderers and he pulled out people's intestines and all that graphic description of what all he did.

And then how he was going along to come and murder somebody and he saw some girls and he decided to follow them first. They went to a meeting and he got converted there. I sat there and said, boy, I wish I had a testimony like that.

I was young and I was stupid. And, you know, because I was seeking honor. You know, you got a lot of honor if you get up and say you did all that type of stuff and then you got converted. And I didn't have the wisdom that time to think that that was just seeking honor, that I wanted a testimony like that.

But later on, when I got a little wiser, I said, well, thank God I didn't pull out anybody's intestines or do anything like that or harm anybody in any way. But, you know, some people are discouraged because they don't have a spectacular testimony where they had a great crisis and crash, bang and all that.

And all of a sudden they became new people. It didn't happen like that with me. And, you know, through the years what I discovered that a lot of people who hear those type of testimonies sit and wonder, well, what can God do with me?

And I don't have that type of conversion. And I discovered through the years that my unspectacular type of conversion where I don't even know the date or the year helps a lot of other people who are not helped by that other type of testimony.

So, you know, God allows us to come to Christ in our own way because there are certain people whom only you can help with your testimony. And he doesn't want you to be like anybody else. So I learned that right at the beginning of my Christian life that I would say over a period of at least six years I was saved or not.

If you had asked me, I'd say I hope so. And so I can fully understand when somebody says today, I don't know whether I'm saved or not. I hope so. I can sympathize with that fully because I went through that for years.

But I'll tell you another thing and that is in all those years when I was unsure, I never grew spiritually. I don't know whether I was saved or not, but I certainly didn't grow. And then I can only, I joined the Navy.

Discovering the Emptiness of the World

I joined the Navy at a very young age. When I was 15 years old, I finished school and joined the Indian Navy as an officer. And I was earning a good salary. And I saw the emptiness of the world. And it's an amazing thing that because of that early Sunday school of teaching and God-fearing home upbringing, it kept me from gross sins even when I was in the Navy.

And even though I don't even know whether I was saved. But I saw the emptiness of the world pretty soon. And I was very thankful for that. Then one day, I still can't explain how, and that also I don't even remember the date.

I've got a rough idea. It was sometime in July 1959. I was just reading. I had the habit of reading the scriptures chapter a day or some passage of scripture every day. And that day I came to this verse in John chapter 6 and verse 37.

Where Jesus says, all that the Father gives to me shall come to me. The one who comes to me I will certainly not cast out. And I've come to see something that even faith is a gift of God. Because I just got faith that day.

I don't know how. I read that verse. I've probably read it before. You've probably read it many times. And as you read it today, it may mean nothing to you. But to me, that day, it meant everything. And I read it and I said, well Lord, I've certainly come to you many times, just once.

And I felt as if the Lord was saying to me, him that cometh to me, I'll never cast out. And as if the Lord was saying, well if you've done your part, you think I haven't done mine? I'm accepting. But it wasn't a voice.

You know, I want to tell you for encouragement. In my whole life, I have never once heard the audible voice of God. I've never seen a light. I've never seen an angel. I've never been taken up to heaven or had any of these experiences.

I'm an ordinary person just like you. And the reason, I wanted some of these experiences sometimes to tell you, also just like you. And the Lord's, as I understand it right now, I feel the Lord's allowed it like this so that I walk by faith and not by sight.

And you know one of the verses that's tremendously encouraged me in this matter? It's an amazing verse. In John chapter 20, it says, when Thomas said, I will not believe unless I see. And Jesus appeared to him.

And then Jesus tells him in John chapter 20 and verse 29. Thomas, because you've seen me, you have believed. Blessed are they who did not see and yet believed. And that taught me that a faith that comes through hearing an audible voice, seeing a light, like some people testify.

I don't question them. Maybe they did see a light. The apostle Paul did. So some of it is genuine. Some of it is because they've got a very vivid imagination. But I discovered from this verse that it is actually better, according to Jesus, you're more blessed if you can believe without these external voices and lights and signs.

And I think most Christians belong to this more blessed category. Because sometimes you can hear some great preacher stand up there and say, well, he heard the voice of God or he saw a vision. And you can sit there and feel so inferior and say, boy, I wish I could see that.

Remember this verse then. You're more blessed because you didn't see and you still believed. Not because you didn't see. But you believed even though you didn't see. If you don't believe, you're not more blessed.

Please remember that. It's a tremendous thing to live by faith. Faith is a great thing. So I said, Lord, I believe your word that you've accepted me. And I don't know what happened. I had no experience, nothing.

But when I look back now over 45 years, it was like my dropping an anchor. And my ship has been moored to that place. Never once have I doubted my salvation from that day onwards. I don't know whether you've seen ships that anchor.

I've been in the Navy. You know when a ship is anchored down there in the rough sea, the ship will swing right around, go in a circle around that anchor. But it never loses its grip down below on the earth below.

So my life has also swung around. There have been a lot of tossings and turnings and ups and downs. But the anchor has always held. I was absolutely sure that I was saved. My sins were forgiven. So that was the beginning.

Giving Everything to Christ

And from that time onwards, God's been leading me step by step through many things. One thing I can say that when I gave myself to the Lord at that time, it was total, 100%. I didn't give myself a little bit and then sometime later a little bit.

The picture I got in my mind was that the Lord had given Himself completely for me on Calvary's cross. And I felt the least I could do was to give myself completely to Him. I saw myself, even though I hadn't done gross external sins, I saw that I didn't see sin as clearly then as I see it now.

I see sin a million times more clearly today. That's not an exaggeration. A million times more clearly today than I saw it when I was first converted 45 years ago. And that teaches me that you don't need to see sin so clearly.

You can't see sin so clearly when you're first saved. You've got to get close to God to see sin clearly. And you don't have to see sin as all as gruesome awesomeness, I mean wickedness to be converted.

If you see that it was your sin that crucified Jesus Christ on the cross, if you can hear your voice among those people who shouted, Crucify Him, Crucify Him. Can you recognize your voice there? If you can see your hand hammering those nails into His hands and feet, what I mean by that is, I'm just using picture language, that it was your sin, my sin, because of which He hung on the cross.

I hope you know that. It was not the nails that held Him to the cross, but your sin, mine. As He hung there, He thought of you and me. When He was in Gethsemane and He thought of some other way of getting out of that situation, Father, can I escape this?

Can you let this cup pass from me? And one hour He struggled with it. The thought that came to me was, if I go away from here, what will happen to Zach? What will happen to you? And He said, OK, I'll go through it.

Have you seen it like that personally? That He saw you, you, you've got to see it personally. Lord Jesus, you saw me. You knew my name, even though I didn't exist then. You're Almighty God. You knew my name.

Before you came from heaven, you knew my name. And you thought of me when you were in Gethsemane. And you did not take that escape route and go straight to heaven. But you decided to go through the cross for my sake.

And you gave all. What am I going to give? Fifty percent? Ten percent? I decided to give all, and I don't regret it. I can say to all of you young people, if you give your all when you're young, totally, completely, you won't regret it.

I look back over my life, and I have no regrets. I had great ambitions when I joined the Navy. My aim was to rise up to the top and be the Admiral of the Indian Navy. And I was working towards it. I topped my class, and I said, I'm going to get there.

And then Jesus came into my heart and changed the direction of my life completely. He showed me all this is empty. It's vapor. You know like the steam that comes out of your kettle? You see it, you look this way, and you turn back, and it's gone.

The honor of the world is like that. All the comfortable life that a man can live with all the money he earns is like that. All the pleasure you can get with a lifetime of sin is like that. In a moment, it's gone.

If you can see that when you were 19 or 20 like I was, you're really blessed because you've got a whole life ahead of you. If you can see that when you're 70, that's also good because you've got at least a few more years, but it's much better if you see it when you're a young teenager, that all of that is empty.

It's all empty. It's a tremendous deception of Satan when he makes you think that there's something in that vapor, in that steam vapor. The Bible says, what's your life? It's like a vapor. There a moment and gone the next.

So I'm very thankful I could see that all the honor of the world and everything I was living for, aiming for, my ambitions, my hopes, my plans, were all like vapor. And I said, Lord, I don't know what you're going to call me to do, but you can have all of my life, 100 from today.

Obeying God's Word Over Human Reasoning

The next step, the Lord, that I was told by others, I should take is water baptism. I didn't take that for a long time because somebody gave me this argument. You know, first of all, I studied the scriptures.

I knew there are some people who are baptized as children and some people are baptized as adults. And I said, Lord, I want to see what your word says. And I read the word of God and I found there's another verse about child baptism.

So I knew that baptism was necessary. But then somebody told me, hey, listen, in these churches with baptized believers, everybody's a believer. But in this church where you're coming from, they're all nominal Christians.

They're not born again. If you get baptized, they'll throw you out. And you'll never get a chance to witness to them over there. And the other ones who need to hear, not this group of baptized believers.

They already say it. I was young. I didn't know the verse which said, trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean to your own understanding. So I said, hey, that's a good argument. That's right.

These are the fellows who need to hear. And if I get baptized, this church will throw me out. So I better stay here. So for one and a half years, I didn't obey God. Because of this human reasoning. You know, very often I've seen believers who, they argue their way out of a command of God with a human reason.

And if they continue like that, thankfully I continued only for a year and a half. I tell you, they're doomed. I don't know whether you are using your human reason to argue against something which is so clear in God's Word.

I want to say, you're in a very dangerous position. You probably don't realize it. That's the reason why you never seem to progress. I did not progress in those one and a half years. I've come to salvation, I was sure.

But there was something holding up. And every time I knelt down to pray, I felt God was saying, well, if you're not listening to me, why should I listen to you? Right. That was also logic. If you're not listening to me, why should I listen to you?

Well, after a year and a half, I got frustrated. And I said, Lord, I don't care which church in the world throws me out. I'm going to obey your Word. And that's been my attitude since then. I began to study the scriptures and I said, Lord, if I ever see a single thing in this book, which everybody in the world says it's different, I'll do what your book says.

I don't care if every church in the world teaches something else. I don't care if every Christian in the world teaches something else. And practices something else. I'm going to follow your Word. And if there's anything in my life, any tradition that I've got, which is contrary to your Word, I'll throw it away in a moment.

And I'll do what your Word says. And that's another thing I have tried to follow for more than 40 years. And I want to say, it's blessed me tremendously. It's made me experience some of these wonderful promises in scripture.

And I know why a lot of Christians remain frustrated even though they go to conference after conference after conference and meeting after meeting after meeting. It's because they are not quick to obey.

And if you don't have that habit, I want to encourage you to develop it now. Be quick to obey. Now if you're not sure whether God has said it, wait. Wait 50 years if you like. But once you're sure God has said it, some people say, how do I know this is the Bible?

The Bible is God's Word. Well, if you've got a problem with that, settle that first. But don't be a hypocrite. And say, this is God's Word. But, well, I don't think I should do that. That's hypocrisy.

Then say, I don't believe it's God's Word. We've got to be honest. Or you believe something there is not. There are people, Christians who say, well, that's not for today. That's for first century. Be honest and take a pen and scratch out that verse.

And say, I don't, that's not for today. You'll have a pretty scratched out Bible after some time. I don't have anything scratched out because I just want to be honest. It's for today. So, it's because of dishonesty.

God sees these fellows are dishonest. They say this is God's Word and they treat it so lightly. You wouldn't treat a court order lightly. You wouldn't treat an instruction from a sheriff or a police person lightly.

Or from the government or the FBI or something sent you something like an instruction. You'd obey it immediately. Oh, but this is God's Word, we say. And you don't tremble at it. God doesn't even look at you.

You know, I want to tell you a little secret. It's not a secret. It's written in Isaiah 66. God says, I will look. And the meaning is, I will look with favor. Isaiah 66 verse 2. If you want God to look upon you with favor, I want God to look upon me with favor all the time.

I know I can face the whole world if God Almighty, creator of this universe, looks upon me with favor. That's the only thing I want. I can stand against 6 billion people in the whole world. They are like the dust in the balance.

The Bible says that. But all the people of earth are like the dust in the balance. You know, in a weighing balance, sometimes there's a little bit of dust. It doesn't even move the scales. And God says, all the people in the world are like the small dust of the balance.

And if Almighty God is on my side, I don't have to worry. Just make sure God is on your side. Make sure God can look upon you with favor. And God will look upon you with favor. It says in Isaiah 66 verse 2, When you tremble at God's word, you read something and you tremble.

Oh God, I haven't obeyed that yet. What an arrogant person I am to think that I can think about it whether to obey you or not. Oh, the number of arrogant, proud, conceited, snobbish believers who think that they can question God's word.

Not at all surprised that God's punished them saying, you'll never grow in your Christian life. You don't deserve to grow if you don't tremble at God's word. You're a hypocrite. You say this is God's word and you don't tremble at it.

Then be more honest like that atheist and say, I don't believe this is God's word. It's just some fellow called Isaiah wrote this. Or some other chap called John wrote it. It's not God's word. That guy is more honest.

He doesn't tremble. But if you say this is God's word, I would recommend that you start trembling at it. The Bible says that demons tremble because they know the reality of God. You just start trembling from today at the words of God that you have not obeyed.

And see the difference it can make in your life. I guarantee in one year you'll progress more than, you'll progress in all your Christian life. Because God will begin to look upon you with favor. Any little thing.

Don't bother about your pastor or your preacher or your brother or uncle or priest or XY or anyone else believes it or not. It's not important. Because God said it. That's it. The same thing with God's promises.

It's like one man of God I heard. He put it like this. God said it. I believe it. And that settles it. It's the end of the matter. No further discussion. And that's why God used that man greatly. So that's one thing I learned at that time.

That I had to take God's word seriously and I had to completely ignore what other people said and what churches said and especially my own reason. The arguments of logic and things like that. And so I decided to get baptized.

Following God's Guidance One Step at a Time

And when I got baptized immediately the Lord showed me the next step. See I've discovered that God doesn't show us a blueprint for our whole life. He's never shown me the blueprint for my whole life. He shows me the next step.

And I'll never see the second one till I take the first one. And you'll never see the third one till you take the second one. And you'll never see the 56th one till you take the 55th one. And maybe there are a lot of steps ahead of you that you could have taken in the last few years and God doesn't show it to you.

You think you can see it yourself? You'll never see it till God shows it to you. There are obvious steps that I never saw till God had mercy on me and showed me you want to see the next step? I'll show it to you.

Take this one first. And for me at that time the step was just simply getting baptized in water and getting thrown out of that church I belong to. That was it. I'm willing to be thrown out of anything if God accepts me.

So the next thing God showed me after that was making restitution to the people I had wronged in my previous life in my unconverted days. I had cheated the government of taxes and the Lord said you got to repay it.

So I sat down and calculated how much I had to repay the government in taxes I had cheated. And I wasn't very sure, you know, and I was unsettled about two things. One was about 20 more than the other.

And which do you think I finally decided on? Like you, the lower one. I said, I think I'll... You know, our love of money in our flesh makes us choose the lower one which is 20 less than the other one.

One day I was reading my normal Bible reading and I read there in Numbers 5 verse 7 that if you do something wrong and you make restitution you must do it in full and add the 20 and give it to the one who is wrong.

How directly can God's word speak to you? It is absolutely amazing. It is almost as though Moses wrote that 3 ,500 years ago inspired by the Holy Spirit knowing that there is going to be one fellow called Zachary who is thinking about whether to add 20 to that restitution and he puts it in there.

Yeah, I've had one or two amazing experiences like that. God's word is so powerful but I'd never have seen it if I didn't have a habit of reading God's word every day. Do you have that habit? Do you know what you're missing?

Just by not reading God's word every day letting God speak to your heart. I thank God that as soon as I was born again I started crying out for the milk of God's word like it says and that's the thing that sustained me.

The milk became meat after some time and it's made me grow. So if you don't have that habit I want to encourage you to develop that habit. It says in Psalm 119 and verse 105 God's word is a lamp to our feet and that means it's like you know, if you carry if you're walking along a dark, pitch dark road at night and you've only got a small torch light with you when you have a torch light you don't see the whole road in front of you you just see enough for the next step and if you want to see further what do you have to do?

You've got to take that step and then the light shows you a little more then you take that step and you see a little more and progressively you go miles along that road a thousand miles. There's an old Chinese proverb that says a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and then another and then another and so is the Christian life and so has it been with me step by step as I've taken ones the Lord's shown me other ones and I thank the Lord for the way He's led like that, step by step then once I was witnessing to somebody a fellow naval officer and he began to ask me about when I was witnessing to him he was a Muslim you know, they don't believe that Jesus died they believe He just swooned on the cross and that the cool air of the tomb sort of revived him.

So he asked me when I was witnessing to him he said, was Jonah alive or dead in the whale's belly? I said he was alive. Well he said, didn't your Jesus say that as Jonah was in the whale's belly so he would be in the heart of the earth so was he alive or dead in the tomb?

I got stuck. I didn't have an answer. I went back to my room and I said Lord, I am so ashamed of myself there must be an answer to this. I don't know the answer this guy has really got me and I decided that day that I would study the scriptures and that if there was an answer to any question in the Bible I would know it.

And if there was an answer to any question in my life for which the answer was in the Bible I would know it. And I studied and I never stopped. You know it was a Muslim man who challenged me to study the scriptures how God used that.

It's really amazing. I know the answer today the heart of the earth was not the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea that's on the surface of the earth. The heart of the earth was where paradise was located. And that's where Jesus was alive when his body died but his spirit was alive with the thief on the cross in paradise the heart of the earth for three days and three nights.

However that's besides the point. But once I began to study God's word I found a tremendous burden in me to share little that I knew I knew very little. Maybe if I was in grade 1 I could teach those who were not yet in grade 1.

Little later if I moved up to grade 2 I could teach those who were in grade 1. It's a progressive thing. If you keep learning and obeying God can teach you. God can use you to teach many other people more and more and progressively.

I saw that God was giving me grace to understand scripture as I spent hours and hours and hours every day reading his word meditating, studying using a concordance studying, studying, studying. And I was doing a secular job.