TLP 532: Is Being a Parent Really Like Being a Gardener?

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It doesn't matter how much I love the process of gardening or caring for the plants, I don't have any meaningful relationship with them.

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Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way

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Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

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God the preeminence in their parenting. Welcome back to our short three -part investigation of common parenting comparisons.

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Last time we considered whether or not parenting a child and owning a puppy are really that similar. Today, we're going to determine the value of the adage that parenting and gardening are comparable.

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I'm your host, A .M. Brewster, and I want to thank you for spending this time with us. I pray that your parenting is strengthened and sharpened by our discussion today.

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Number one, let's talk about the value of similes. Let me start by making the observation that the three comparisons we're discussing in these episodes are nothing more than similes.

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They're not designed to be the foundation of our parenting philosophy. They're only helpful to the degree that they illustrate some other reality.

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And the only reason to use the illustration is to help people better understand the reality itself. I say this because we live in a soundbite, meme, ten -second society that tries to communicate significant observations in as short a time as possible.

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A single sentence is spoken, a mic is dropped, and the conversation is over. In this kind of society, an influencer might say, if you want to prepare yourself for parenting, get a puppy.

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They couple that statement with a picture or short video of them cuddling the most adorable little dog and then sit back and watch the likes, follows, and shares pour in.

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Now, before I continue, I want to be fair. Each of the Evermind Ministries has social media accounts, and we daily share eternal truth in easily digestible chunks.

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So the warning I have for all of us still applies to me. We must be careful to allow the simile to be part of the teaching process and not the sum total of the truth we're trying to communicate.

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Because if all I've been told is that the best way to prepare for having kids is to get a puppy, I'm going to come to a lot of wrong conclusions about pet ownership and parenting.

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But if I'm teaching someone what the scriptures say about parenting, and then I, like Jesus, use a metaphor, parable, or simile to illustrate and expand on the truth to help deepen their understanding or apply the truth we're discussing, then the word picture has value.

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So here's the challenge for all of us. Even if the comparison that parenting is like gardening is accurate, it's not good enough to make the trite observation and then just walk away.

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You're not helping anyone unless you're talking to someone who already knows all of the parenting truths that may or may not be illustrated in the comparison between tending plants and rearing kids.

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So with that foundation laid, and before we move on to our next point, I want to share that today's episode is brought to you by the yearlong celebration of God.

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The yearlong celebration of God is part of the Evermind Ministries family and keeps God's truth at the center of the human experience by focusing on personal and corporate discipleship as well as personal and corporate worship.

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You should visit celebrationofgod .com and you should start listening to the Celebration of God podcast. If you've never heard the podcast before, this is one of those podcasts where you really should start at the beginning.

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Though the celebration of God is all about biblical discipleship, there are a number of counterintuitive topics we discuss, and we tried really hard to make sure the introductory episodes clearly explained how to use the tool that is the yearlong celebration of God.

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I really hope you'll check it out, and since it's part of Evermind Ministries, you can access the podcast as well as a growing number of Celebration of God resources on the

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Evermind app. And there's a link in the description of today's episode just for that. Okay, so let's turn our attention to deciding whether the concept that parenting is like gardening is accurate, and then if it is, why?

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Last time we considered how parenting and pet ownership were similar, and then we discussed how they differed. Today we're going to start with the differences.

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Number two, the dissimilarities between gardening and parenting. Letter A. There are certain realities of farming and styles of gardening that would be unbiblical if applied to parenting.

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Now, I don't want to be silly, but farming involves planting the seed in soil and then walking away. Honestly, if you interact with that plant even once a day, you're connecting with it a lot, but that wouldn't work for kids.

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There are also some types of plants that thrive when allowed to do whatever they want to do and how they want to do it, but that's definitely not how it were to lead our kids.

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Letter B. Like it or not, you don't really have a relationship with your plants. Now, hear me out.

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I love gardening. I love having soil under my nails. I love tending flowers and edibles.

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I absolutely love it, but it doesn't matter how much I love the process or care for the plants or even talk to the plants,

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I don't have a meaningful relationship with them. Plants aren't sentient, and I'm not doing what

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I'm doing in order to introduce them to their creator, know him better, and grow in their worship of him. I would argue that the relationship that someone has with their dog would actually be a much better picture of the parent -child relationship than a gardener with their plants.

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It's not a good picture of that relationship, but it's better than the gardener -plant relationship. Letter C.

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Like it or not, there's a huge difference between the communication that occurs with a person and a plant and the communication that occurs between two people.

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Does communication technically occur between gardeners and gardens? Yes, it does, but that scope and content of that communication is absolutely nothing compared to the communication that needs to take place between parents and their kids.

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Again, do I talk to my plants? Yeah, sometimes I do, but if I allow the imagery of gardening to inform the communication

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I have with my kids, I'm going to fail my kids. And the final dissimilarity,

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Letter D. Most practical parenting is nothing like gardening. As I alluded to earlier, there are more similarities between daily parenting and pet ownership than there are between parenting and gardening.

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For example, you need to give consequences to both children and pets when they do something they shouldn't.

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Though the kind of consequence and the purpose of the consequence between the two are vastly different, you don't give disciplinary consequences to plants because plants are neither capable of consciously doing something they shouldn't nor learning any lessons when they do.

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Now, you may think, after hearing all of that, that I'm going to conclude that the apparent gardener simile is not a valuable one.

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But that would be a wrong conclusion. Despite the dissimilarities, the gardening metaphor is still very valuable, specifically because of the spiritual imagery and not the practical comparisons.

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So, number three, the similarities between gardening and parenting. The use of agriculture to illustrate spiritual realities is a significant theme in Scripture because there are so many spiritual truths that are reflected in the natural world.

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God created a physical world that images the spiritual. Jesus didn't use all those agrarian parables simply because he lived in an agrarian society.

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All of those images are still the best examples to use today because God modeled this world off of spiritual truth.

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Here's just one example. Newton's third law of motion states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

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We live in a world of consequences. There's no escaping it. Everything we do has consequences, and though our sinful flesh wants us to believe that we can live however we want and that we should be able to avoid uncomfortable consequences, nature shows us just how insane that notion is.

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Since the spiritual reality necessitates that choices have consequences, God absolutely had to create a world in which physical choices also have consequences.

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So when we take this point and we couple it with the fact that biblical parenting involves physical people working towards spiritual life and maturity, the gardening metaphor takes on meaning beyond the physical similarities that may exist.

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So yes, parenting is like spreading seed on soil, and yes, our kids will respond to the truth of God's word just like the four soils respond to actual seeds.

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By the way, we have a short series called The Four Children that addresses this very truth. So my main argument that the gardening metaphor is valuable lies in this point right here.

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I have four other points I'm going to make, but this one really is the most significant. So here's how

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I would encapsulate this first point. Number one, parents are responsible to influence the spiritual lives of their children.

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The scripture illustrates such influence using the picture of farming and plant growth. Therefore, those images relate directly to parenting.

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And growing from that point, we have number two, both parenting and gardening are consumed with keeping something alive and trying to help that thing grow as best as it can.

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Even without the fact that spiritual truth is woven into the very framework of agriculture, just like raising a puppy involves keeping that creature alive and well, so does parenting.

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But I think there's more to the image of tending plants than there is to rearing a puppy. As was mentioned last time, people have exceptionally low standards for their dogs.

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As long as the animal doesn't bite anyone or relieve themselves in the house, so many dog owners don't aspire to much else.

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But gardeners and farmers are not only very concerned with keeping the plants alive, they are passionately pursuing fruitfulness.

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They want their plants to thrive and produce to their fullest potential. Now, yes, there are people who own plants who don't really care for them.

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My mom is the perfect example of that. But anyone who would call themselves a gardener or call themselves a farmer is very serious about it.

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That's the whole point. So in the exact same way, biblical parenting needs to be consumed with influencing their children to be as physically and spiritually successful as possible.

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It's not just about surviving. We need to want our kids to be good and faithful followers of Christ.

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And that last sentence takes us into number three. Creation mandated agriculture and biblical parenting approach their jobs for God's glory.

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Back in Genesis 1 and 2, we hear God's words to Adam and Eve that they care for creation.

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And many Christians believe that God's people still have the responsibility to wisely steward the earth. Now, this does not mean we get to put the earth on a pedestal where it becomes more important to us than caring for people and more specifically being salt and light to them.

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What I'm saying is that we absolutely should not be abusing nature. There's no reason to foolishly and ignorantly destroy

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God's gift to us when there are sustainable options available. If you're interested to know more about what the

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Bible says about this, you can check out the celebration of God. We talked about this quite a bit, but we've also discussed it quite a bit on this show.

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And as always, there will be links in the description. Back to the discussion at hand, Christians need to steward the earth and parents need to steward their children for God's honor and glory.

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And even though we may have sub goals and desires, pleasing the Lord must be the greatest overarching purpose that motivates and informs all of the others.

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Only when we're parenting for God's glory can we see the next similarity. Number four, creation mandated agriculture and biblical parenting are pursuing the best for that which is under their care.

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It's not about mere survival. It's also can't just be about what makes us feel the best or that which produces what we think needs to be produced.

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We are pursuing God's glory and therefore our children's best. Here's just one example of what

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I mean. As a beekeeper, I can decide that I'm going to force the bees to do things that I think will make them more productive.

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But what's so often the case is that humans try to make nature do things God never intended it to do. And so often there are very detrimental side effects.

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A perfect example of this is what we've done to our food supply. But as a Christ honoring beekeeper,

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I want to please the Lord and I realize the best way to do that is to truly understand how God created my bees to thrive.

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In so doing, I can be far more intelligent as I assist them in fulfilling their purpose to the best of their ability.

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And finally, number five, there are certain forms of gardening that have more in common with biblical parenting than others.

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They say you're not supposed to end with your weakest point, but just like there are some plants that require care that would not be a good picture of parenting, there are other plants that really provide a wonderful example of Christ honoring parenting methods.

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For example, when you understand how God created tomato plants to thrive, you realize how boundaries and standards are designed to help.

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You also start to learn how pruning is like the biblical concept of putting off, denying the flesh, and even the radical amputation of which

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Christ speaks in Matthew 5 .30, 18 .8, and Mark 9 .43. And those are just the two easiest to note.

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There are tons of spiritual lessons that can be illustrated by the right care of tomato plants. Now, like I pointed out earlier, every metaphor eventually breaks down.

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Though the gardening imagery has its value when trying to help people learn about parenting, it also has its limits.

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We need to be careful to only apply the lessons we learn first from Scripture. We need to not stretch the limitations of the picture.

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But we also have to realize that the metaphor isn't helpful if the people with whom we're talking don't understand the spiritual truths the metaphor is supposed to be representing.

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So telling a young parent that being a biblical parent is like tending tender little plants isn't really helpful at all unless you first and foremost start with the spiritual truths communicated in the

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Scriptures. As long as you're using the imagery to help the young parent better understand the spiritual admonition so that they can apply it better in their parenting, then

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I think it's very valuable. Please share this episode on your favorite social media outlets. And I kind of feel like I need to apologize for not dealing with more biblical text.

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But I thought these three episodes would be fun as we simultaneously consider cliche parenting comparisons as well as talk about what makes them valuable.

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And I believe I'm definitely doing justice to the Lord's expectations for our parenting even though we're not reading all of the passages.

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That and you know we have over 500 other episodes that do just that. But anyway

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I hope to connect with you next time as we consider the last of our parenting pictures. We'll be trying to answer the question, is being a parent really like running a marathon?

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I'll see you then. Truth. Love. Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship

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God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness.

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And remember that TLP is a listener -supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com