Getting Life Under Control — Jim Logan

As I was getting ready to leave the house, the Lord spoke to me to go down. And if you have Bibles, I hope you will use them. Because the only last message I do, next to the last message, is on PowerPoint.

But as I was leaving the house, the Spirit of God told me I need to go down and try to find two things. And I went, my wife says, you're going to be late, you can't go down. But I went down, and it's for somebody here.

God’s Providence in Our Mistakes

And I want to read this, and I don't know who you are, but I know that I couldn't go to the airport until I found this to read it, because the Lord strongly said you need to read it. And it's called Of Weavers and Rugmakers.

This is a true story of a man who was looking and doing research on the Coptic Church in Egypt. And the Coptic Church came out of the Ethiopian eunuch, remember, that was baptized and went back, and that started the whole movement, Ethiopian into Egypt.

So he's going back looking at the history of all of this, and this is his little writing. In the outskirts of Ben Sif, I came to a village that was entirely Coptic. I was given a tour of the town and the church.

I visited some of the homes and shops. In one of the shops I stood watching a number of rugmakers at their trade. They spread a shuttle back and forth on Coptic looms, built like those used in Pharaonic times.

It was fascinating and it was amazing. I came to one of the rugmakers and I said, what if you make a mistake? The shuttle is going so fast, and you won't see the air in the rug or in the design until you've woven several layers over it.

What will you do then? Will you unwind the carpet and remove the layers of thread that you've added? No, said the rugmaker. That would never do. That would take far too much time. I'll tell you a secret.

The most beautiful rugs with the most... How's that, I asked. Well, once we notice the mistake, we have to integrate it into the pattern. We have to change the pattern to include the mistake and make it part of the new design.

Sometimes the new design is far more complex, far more embellished than anything we could have created ourselves. That's why the most beautiful rugs are the ones with mistakes woven inside. A great deal of wisdom in this Oriental art.

Perhaps it's like the providence of God for sometimes people with the deepest wounds and the most serious flaws exhibit the greatest glory of God. Maybe this was for you. I don't know who it was, but God told me to go get this.

Because sometimes, how do we feel? It's all over. We've blown it, and it's all over, and God can never use me. And that's right out of the pit. I hate to say the word, but Ron Susack's rather loose with it.

Hell! Right out of the pit. It is. That God can't use me. I've made a mistake, and I'm not to do warfare, so I'm not. Although I do want to recommend a wonderful warfare book. It's been out for a long, long time, but if you haven't got a copy of my book, you may want to read it, because Bill Clinton was given a copy of my book, and I know that he's going to read it.

A good friend of mine who is in Congress has been pushing Hillary Clinton to get counsel from one of the most conservative Christian counselors I know. It's amazing. When I wrote this book, I never thought that Bill Clinton would get a copy of this, and the fellow giving it to him is insisting that he reads it and gets back to him, and he's one of Bill Clinton's best friends.

So who knows? You never know what's going to happen. Radio, written word, what have you. But anyway, if you don't have a copy of my book yet, I'm supposed to sell you some other books before I talk. But I can't sell you these books until I tell you two things.

Bible College and Prayer Ministry

In reading a book, I run a Bible college, and I have some material here. If you have sons that are that age who would like to go to our school, it's only for fellows, and it's squeaky clean, and if your son doesn't maybe need to go to a more squeaky than what he is in, our school would be a good place for him.

It's down in Texas. We have 100 acres down there, and also with ICBC. I've been 18 years counseling demonized people. I'm still doing that. I run the Bible school down there, and also a prayer ministry.

But as I read this book, On 100 Christians You Ought to Know, it was very interesting. I read about a woman whose son was in jail, and this Christian woman was just tore up over her son's awful life. And just, where is he going to go?

He's always trashing his life. It's going nowhere. And she was so distraught, she couldn't hardly pray for him. She went to a neighbor lady and said, I know you're a Christian. Would you please pray for my son?

That neighbor lady knew how to do something that we don't talk about today in our circles. She knew how to pray through. Some of you know. If you've got a little gray in your hair, you know what I'm talking about.

It's how to get a hold of God. Don't let go of it until God assures you your prayer is answered. And this woman prayed way into the night for this young man in jail. And God all of a sudden gave her a vision that she shared with the mom the next day.

She said, I prayed, and God said, stop. The burden was gone, and I saw in my mind your son with an open Bible speaking to people. That son led four fellows to Christ. One of the fellows he led to Christ led his brother to Christ that led me to Christ.

That son in jail was Dawson Trotman, the founder of the Navigators. And I can hardly wait to get to heaven because my salvation is not Dawson Trotman. It was a lady who prayed through and I don't know her name.

Are you the lady that prayed? So I, as an unsaved kid growing up in Los Angeles who would never darken the door of a church was led to Christ by a Navigator in my home, kneeling at my bed and asking Christ to save me at almost 20 years of age.

Our story is wonderful. I mean, I just found that story I had to share with you. Well, phone calls, when I see Alexander Graham Bell, if he is in heaven, I'm going to slug him, okay? I'll apologize, but I hate the telephone.

It's just, oh, I had to make 40 phone calls to hurting people just before I came. I had started on Monday with 40 phone calls with 10 coming in a day. And these were all hurting people all over the United States in super trouble, in tragic.

One young man slit both his wrists, swallowed pills. You know, the family had called me about him. He was so depressed, so down, and also hearing voices, saying things. And he tried to kill himself, and they found him on the floor bleeding all over the place.

So our phone calls are really heavy-duty stuff. Well, I got a phone call that was going to change my life more drastically, or just as drastically as my becoming a Christian. And it was not that long ago.

I got a call from Dallas, Texas, and they said, we would like you to speak at a prayer conference. You called the wrong guy. You know, I pray. After all, I'm a man of the cloth. You know, I'm a professional Christian.

You know, I do pray, you know, and I even pray over, you know, people. Name of Jesus! You know, that kind of stuff in the office. So, you know, I do pray, but I'm not a man of prayer. I've worked with men of prayer.

Mark Bubik. Right, Ron? What a man of prayer. I mean, Mark, you've got to work. I mean, he's a guy who starts praying and can pray for hours. A lot of you have heard him if you've come here. Mark is as godly as...

I mean, I've worked with him. Been in his home for years. And I'll tell you, he's a godly man. Neil Anderson said, for the first time in my life, I met a godly man when I met Mark Bubik. So Mark is just outstanding.

So I know all these prayer people. I pray, but I'm not a man of prayer. And there's a difference. I mean, as a little kid, I prayed lots. Now I lay me down to sleep. And I hear him at five years old. If I should die.

Isn't that a neat prayer for a little five-year-old? It's a wonder I didn't dissociate at five. What a prayer to teach a little kid if I should die. Before I wake, I'm all going to sleep. You know? Then I don't have to worry about dying before I wake up.

I didn't prop my eyes up. You know, that kind of thing. And so I told him no. Well, I'm a little slow on the intake. They called me three times. The board has met. We prayed. One was the ex-president of Dallas Seminary.

The guy must be senile. And they said, you know, you're the one that God says you're to come down here and to be the speaker at this prayer retreat in Dallas. So, I mean, I'm slow, but I had to say yes.

I said, okay. I'll do it. So I went home. I said, Marguerite, guess what? I said, a year and a half from now. At least I had a year and a half. A year and a half from now, I'm going to be the main speaker and teacher of prayer at a Dallas prayer retreat.

And my wife, a very sweet, godly woman, looked at me and she said, they must be hard up for speakers. It's always wonderful to be married to an encourager. She was right. And I'll take this up on Saturday, but I had to say, why when I had worked with Ellen George, there's a couple here, right over here, that when I was vice president of child evangelism at the headquarters for seven years, and just as I was leaving, they were coming into the ministry, and he walked up and he said, are you still, are you kind of old, were you that good-looking young man that was teaching us years ago?

And so it was so good to meet this couple that are serving God. And Ellen George, the president there, was what a man of prayer. And so what I had to do was find out why didn't I pray? And that's been a program to me, beloved.

And I want to share some stuff with you, but I've got to share some of it on Saturday, but I'm the sell books. I'm one that when I went into warfare, I read the Bible through, I don't know how many times, always a different, you know, a new Bible, always a clean Bible, because you get stuck with what you wrote.

So I have all these Bibles. My wife gets so upset. You bought another Bible. She says, you've got more in the bookstore. But I marked everything in yellow. Satan, demons, whatever God said. And did Greek studies and Hebrew studies on key words.

I didn't want to be storefront pass me around snake. You know, that's my concept that people did what I'm doing. It was way off the wall, but I wanted to know. And then I buy books. Well, as I started the prayer journey, I went to the Bible, and I marked the Bible, marked every prayer in the Bible.

Every time someone talked to God, God talked to them. I did it through three Bibles. Just to pick up, do I really understand? I want to know what the Bible says. And then I want books that can help me.

But this is the book. And these are other books. You know what I'm saying? This is the most important prayer book there is. Because if this doesn't agree with this, forget it. I'm sticking with this. Okay.

The one book that I brought is rather a new book, or at least new for CBD. It's Prayer 101 by Warren Risby. I have over a thousand books on prayer and the deeper life in my library that I've read as I have been pursuing developing intimacy and the prayer life of God.

And so the prayer ministry we have with men came out of that. But this is for beginners. If you have started and failed and started and failed, you're saying, you know, my prayer life doesn't hardly go anywhere, then this book by Warren Risby is for you, or a wonderful book that gives someone who's a new Christian, because he starts out, because it's like 101's a class, you kind of start out in kindergarten and end up in college as you go through this book.

It's really a real helpful book. But the best book on prayer, and yet, I shouldn't say the best book on prayer. The best book on deeper life, if you read it, by far no book comes up to it. It's this book.

It's very, very expensive. It's $27 .99 by Ken Boah. It's called Conform to His Image. And it goes to, when you read this book, you see that this man had collected material for maybe 20 or 25 years before he wrote this book.

It is the most outstanding book. Our guys at the school I run, they have to go through this. This book is now being used in seminaries, so that pastors are getting some training in prayer, finally. You know, in the past, guys graduated from seminary and had no training in prayer, no training in starting prayer meetings, so the church has stopped them.

There was no training. But anyway, this, I'm telling you, this is the Cadillac of books. It is very, very expensive. They knew that when they bought it. But Ken Boah, if you've written this, read his stuff, I'm not saying it's hard to read.

What I'm saying is, it's a book on how to be conformed in the image of Christ. It's a formation book. Anyway, that book is on the back, and I had to do that to sell it to you. They told me be sure and sell the books that I had them buy.

So you go back, and I'll be telling about other books that are back there. They're all different, by different writers, but this one, some of the pastors already have grabbed, and I don't know how much they have, because it's the most expensive book they've got.

It's one of the most expensive books you can get on becoming Christ-like. Beautiful, wonderful book. Okay, I'd like you to turn to Hebrews. Ron, am I supposed to be done in 10 minutes? I haven't got started.

I'm looking at my watch. Oh, my watch is upside down. You know, I solve the, I've solved a lot of heavy questions. When I went down to Guatemala to work with all the Wicca 5 translators and teach them warfare in Guatemala, which is a good place to learn it, and they came from all the Mayan tribes in the village, the translation center, and they were sitting there, and I was standing on the platform, and I was doing this.

I wasn't going to do it until someone said something. They said, what are you doing? I said, rapture practice. And this is when the new theory came out, the pre-wrath rapture, and see, I knew that these Wicca 5 translators had been arguing.

You know, is the Lord going to come for the tribulation? Is he going to come in the middle of the tribulation? Is it going to be mid-trib, pre-wrath, after the tribulation, or whatever? And I said, I've solved it.

It's simple. They look at me like, how could this guy be so dumb? It's simple. We're arguing about it all the time. I said, when he's coming, I'm going. And what does the Bible say? Live a godly life.

Don't argue it. What does it say? Look at the context. He's coming. You better live a godly life because you don't know when he's going to come. Are you ready to meet him? It could be tonight. The other one I told Ron I solved is, you know, elect before the foundation of the world, chosen, you know that one?

That makes sense to me. I know that God chose me before the foundation of the world. You know why I know that? He never would have chosen me afterwards. I mean, would you have chosen you? I mean, think about it.

Isn't that profound? If you came here for profound teaching, you better go, you better wait till Ron gets up here. I want you to go to Hebrews 7. There's a couple things I want to share on prayer. I've got to find it myself.

Hebrews 7 verse 25 and then it says and this is so good so many of the people that come for counseling and I counsel lots of teenage fellows that are really messed up bad and if we can't help them, they're headed for sexual disaster.

They're already set on fire. They're already out of control sexually. Some as young as 12 13, 14, 15 year old kids and stuff that come from all over the United States. Just had one kid that came from Florida last week to be helped and because of what they've done, they wonder are they still safe?

You know, I'm so trapped. I'm so whatever. How could I really be a Christian if I'm doing this? I'll ask him this. I'll say, many of them have accepted the Lord. I can't tell you how many times. Would you like to do it one more time?

They go, no. They get so nervous. They don't want to go to hell. They keep praying and praying. I said, do you believe that God answers prayer? I said, do you think God would answer the prayer of Jesus?

Oh, yeah. What's his prayer? Wherefore he's able to save them completely, altogether, forever to the uttermost that come to God by him seeing Jesus ever liveth to what? Pray for those who trust him. Can you see that?

Why am I going to make it? Because Jesus is praying for me. That's why I'm going to make it. I've trusted him. And another thing is you realize that prayer is a heavenly ministry. This is a heavenly ministry.

Look at the 8 chapter 8, verse 1. Now of the things which we have spoken, this in sum, we have such a high priest who is set on the right hand of the throne of God, of the majesty of heaven, the minister of the sanctuary, and of the true temple which the Lord pitched, not man.

See, prayer is not doing something. Prayer is being with someone. We've got to see that. When we do this prayer retreat for men in June, in the north woods, and we limit it because we had too many men one time and it didn't work like we liked it to.

There wasn't the bonding. We don't allow the men to pray together until the last night. You say, why? You have a prayer retreat. The guys are spending hours every day in prayer. They're taught methods of praying.

They get a 670 page notebook on prayer out of these thousand books where I picked out best stuff that people said in various aspects of praying in the beautiful north woods of Michigan. You know, acres and acres of property.

You can go out praying all day long and not see anybody. So if you like to shout to God or whatever, who cares? No one's going to hear you. And it was just the reason we don't let men pray because often when a man prays out loud he forgets who he's talking to.

Oh God! I don't pray like that. You know, and so some guy starts out. Here are these guys. Most of them never prayed. That's why they're there. They just don't have much of a prayer life. That's why they're going.

And they're intimidated. So we don't let anybody intimidate them. You know, if they want to meet together and pray, that's something they do. But as a group, we don't meet together last night. And the last night, we weep as these men know how to get a hold of God and start praying for one another.

It's the most amazing, unbelievable. I mean I never knew how wonderful a prayer retreat with men could be who men were nervous about praying together. And get in the last night when they have so much confidence in the Word of God and understand what prayer is all about.

Entering God’s Presence Through Prayer

Look at Hebrews 4 .16. Hebrews 4 .16 is a marvelous, marvelous verse. To understand Hebrews 4 .16, I do this periodically when I pray. I need to be reminded of where I am going. Go to Isaiah 6. See, in the Bible, it pulls back the curtain, and we get to see heaven.

He pulls back the curtain, and there is the throne, high and lifted up. And the one I'm going to is sitting on that throne. The whole temple is filled with smoke. There are these cherubs, serabims, cherubims, or whatever, are there with six wings covering their eyes, you know, covering their feet, and so on.

Here are these beings. And you know what they're singing? The first time I went to church, after this guy led me to Christ in my home, was a Baptist church in Pasadena, California. I went in, and I sat down.

I was very nervous, because I had I was really, I had a terrible self-image. I didn't realize I was dyslexic, and I don't visualize, so I had learning disabilities. I barely made it through high school.

I mean, I graduated, you know, lucky. I think I was getting too big for the desk. I don't know. I graduated from college. Come lucky, you know. Some have magna cum whatever. I got magna cum lucky. I'll tell you, we have learning disabilities.

College is hard. Bible college is even more hard. Well, anyway, I sat in that church, and the call to worship was what those angels were singing. The first time I ever heard those words was in a Baptist church, call to worship.

The choir sang, holy, holy, holy. I start crying. I'm not a crier. I thought I was caught up into heaven. I didn't realize that's what they sing in heaven. And you go to Revelation chapter 4, and they have not changed the song.

They're still singing what? Holy, holy, holy. Thousands of years later. And you go to Revelation chapter 4. Then you see the beast with the eyes. You see the throne on top of glass. You see thunderings and lightnings and all of these creatures and the elders.

All of that's going on, plus Isaiah. You think of all of that, and I can go into the presence of God boldly. You're invited to go, what? Boldly. The Old Testament priests never went boldly into the holy of holies.

Read where you're going. Read the privilege that is yours. To have a heavenly ministry. To walk up to the throne and say, Father, can I lay my heart before you? Father, can I talk to you about this, what I'm going through, the heartaches I have, the pain that I have, whatever.

We just had a grandson come back from Iraq in the Marines. We got him prayed back, all in one piece, and his nutty brother is graduating this week from the Marine basic training to go to Iraq. I don't know.

It must be some type of a demonic, what do you call it, generational bug that's hitting my grandsons. They're all wanting to fight for our country and go out there and support our country and so on. I'm so thrilled about what Ron and you guys are doing because having one coming back and another going over there.

What a privilege. Don't think we didn't pray for our grandson, but we didn't just pray for our grandson. We prayed for other people's grandsons. When you know, they could get run over by a car or whatever, but over there they could get blown up by roadside bombs.

He was in the Sunni triangle, which is the worst part. Many times his bullet zipped right by him and they called him lucky because he declared himself as a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ. They always said, take Jeremiah out with you because you'll all come back unhurt.

Isn't that something? Anyway, there's many reasons why we pray and sometimes there's more intense times where we pray, but I want you to realize it's a ministry that God has for you. I'm trying to jump fast here.

I've got to jump fast. I'm going to jump over some stuff, but let me go down to this and then I'm going to go to the real message. This was the introduction one. See, you will find, if you go through the Bible, look at Jesus' prayer life.

That's an eye-opener. In fact, we've got a book back there. Hold that book up. Pray like the Jew Jesus. A little ways up that way, it's on the front. There's a book there. Let me tell you. Yes. Pray like the Jew Jesus.

What did Jesus... What kind of prayers did they say in Jesus' home growing up? What kind of prayers would his mother have said? What kind of prayers would his father... It's all in there. It's just a phenomenal book.

It's not a typical parakite book, but what was Jesus' home like? Why? Because they know the kind of prayers that they prayed at that time. How many of you saw the... Do you remember that beautiful service where the mom puts the thing on her head, and they begin to sing, and they do this with the candles that she's lighting up for the Sabbath?

And then there's another movie that came out later on, a Christian... Not a Christian movie, but Rose White, who is Jewish, and in New York, they do this at... Guess what Jesus' mother did? The same thing.

Jesus saw his mom do that. And just read that. And in there, because I get so many wedding invitations, because working... I've been on so many mission boards, and missionaries, and taught in two other Bible colleges.

I get wedding announcements you can't believe. Sometimes four a week. We can't afford wedding gifts. And you know what I've done? I've copied the Jewish wedding blessing out of that book, and on parchment, and I send it to everybody getting married.

Do you know what the wedding blessing that a Jewish couple got when they got married? Some boy. People wrote me back, that was one of the nicest presents we ever got, a blessing. Most of the people I know have been homeschooled or conservative, and most of them understand the importance of a blessing, and wanting to be blessed, and want God's blessing, and their parents' blessing, and so on.

I mean, it's so emphasized in those circles. Okay, now. Every important event in Jesus' life, he prayed, and I'll list some of them, and you can write the scriptures down, and look at them. What about these events when Jesus prayed?

He began his ministry in the wilderness. Matthew 4, 1 -11. Jesus went into the wilderness and began to pray. And when he got alone with himself, he also got alone with Satan. One of the hard things about solitude and silence in prayer is facing your own personal being.

Being still and know that I am God, it's not easy. And also, I'll tell you, when you want to begin a prayer life, the enemy will be there. You know, as I'm teaching these young men to be pastors, I said, you know, to me, is this.

If I want to know, my son has been in two mega churches as a youth pastor. I mean, like, I think he had 300 or 400 high school kids graduate from his high school youth group. I mean, most youth groups don't have 300 or 400 kids in them, let alone just seniors that graduate out.

So he's been in these big churches, in the big church in Houston right now. But let me tell you, the sign of a, in my mind, and my guys know this, that graduate from our school, a sign of a successful church, I want to know how many are attending your prayer meeting.

I don't care how many Sunday morning watching the dancing girls. You know? They're all the fall, they're all whatever. In Sioux City, they came to the conclusion if we could get more people in church, if we gave out free beer.

But no one's gone there yet. But, you know, Sioux City's a real beer drinking place. But, you know, what happened to the prayer meeting? What did Jesus say his church would be called? And the churches in Sioux City don't have prayer meetings.

Well, no one goes. Why have one? And I don't blame the people, because if prayer is not important to the pastor, it will not be important to the people. The people cannot rise above the spiritual commitment of their pastor.

I hit that with my guys. Basically, now some will, but I mean basically, they'll level off under the pastor. And what he cares about, they'll care about, because what's he doing from the pulpit? If a pastor cares about prayer, what's he going to do?

Emphasize it. Isn't it? From the pulpit, that's really a burden on his heart. And you want to go and visit a church that prays? Go to the Brooklyn Tabernacle. On their prayer meeting night, often you can't even get to the doors, because people are all up to the doors coming in.

They can't even get in the sanctuary, because that's prayer. The aisles are prayer. You know, if they had a fire, a lot of trouble. But they're praying so hard, they'd probably blow the fire out. Phenomenal church.

My son went there just to see what a praying church looked like. And amazingly, you have to go to Brooklyn, New York, to see what a praying church looks like, where people really have got a burden to pray for each other and what they have to do.

The second thing, when Jesus chose his disciples, he spent the whole night in prayer before he did that. Luke 6, 12. When John the Baptist died, what did Jesus do? He spent time alone with God. Matthew 14, 13.

Before the glory of the transformation and the darkness of the cross, we find Jesus what? Alone in prayer in both places. Very, very interesting. Look at John 6. John 6, 31. An interesting invitation by the Lord Jesus.

Pardon me, Mark 6. That doesn't look right. I'm not embarrassed anymore when I look at stuff and I can't read it. Now that I found out I'm dyslexic, that helps. My wife said, you really guess at the signs crazy.

I mean, I'm sort of painting a bad picture of my wife. If you met her, she's a saint. Anybody who lives with me would be a saint. She really is. She's a very godly, godly woman. But in Mark 6, 31, Jesus said unto them, Come these selves apart unto a desert place and rest there.

Invitation. Come on. To a desert place. Come apart and rest. And what was the response in 32? They departed into a desert place by ship privately. That invitation is still out there today, isn't it? The Lord is inviting us to come apart and rest.

Rest at His feet. Rest in His presence. Why did Jesus or what's He teaching us when He went into the mountains and went into the desert and all of that? If you want to have a pure life, you've got to deal with the distractions.

You've got to deal with the distractions. That's why He went into the mountains. To get away from the distractions. Why? If you will get away from the distractions, you'll begin to hear the Lord's voice as you come before Him and pray.

You begin to... My sheep what? Maybe they don't. Maybe that's not true. Maybe that is an error by the translators. You know what I'm saying? Okay. I want you to go to Psalms 51 .6. This is where I wanted to go.

Truth in the Inward Parts

The other was just warming you up to get there. But Psalms 51 .6 God says, Behold, God or thou desires truth in the inward parts. In the hidden part you'll make me to know wisdom. What does God desire?

God desires truth in the inward parts. This is the opposite of religious externalism. You know how to dress. You know how to hold your mouth right. You know how to carry a Bible. You know how to do all that stuff.

But Jesus is looking what? Not on the outward, but on the inward. He looks for inner honesty and sincerity. Three questions. Are you open with God? Do you? Are you transparent in your relationship with Him?

And do the words I speak really express what I feel in my heart? You know, you can tell God you're angry. You can tell God you're upset. You don't think He knows? There's not a thought I have already.

I think God would like me to own it. How many teenagers have deep bitterness towards God? Christian teenagers. Because he didn't answer their prayer. He didn't do what he said. And this kid that came up, this 15-year-old boy that had a learning disability, we bonded.

Because I do too. And he had given up on God. Because he asked God to remove him. What 15-year-old boy wants to have a learning disability? He can read the Bible better than I can. But he can't comprehend it.

There's a breakdown of comprehending what he reads. And his family's all beyond him. The brothers and all this stuff. And I said, you know, do you know the Apostle Paul? You know, he had some disability too.

And he prayed and asked God to take it away. And God said, no. I'm going to give you power in your ministry. And I told this kid, the anointing of God is on your life. He almost died twice. Once in childbirth, once later on when he was bit by a dog.

Everything went wrong. I said, why don't you die? Do you think you're worthless? God spared your life. God has something great for you to do. I said, if he went back to the Bible college I went to, I'd have been the least likely to do anything.

To teach in a Bible college? To be head of a Bible college? It's ridiculous. He barely graduated from here. I think he can spell his name. I'm making light. I shouldn't be doing what I've done. And it's God.