Episode 645: TLP 645: Sleep & Your Family, Part 1 | your bodily needs

Christian Stewardship and the Purpose of Parenting

I once met a man who claimed it was impossible for him to sleep more than five hours a night. But it only took a short conversation with him to recognize that his daily life was…. Parenting isn't about us.

In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth Love Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give God the preeminence in their parenting.

Hello everyone. I'm your host, Aaron Brewster, a biblical family counselor, and I'm happy you've joined me for this short three-part study into healthy sleep patterns for you and your family. Though I'm not a medical doctor, this study will consider the sleep sciences, as well as the Bible's doctrine of sleep, in order to help your family be physically and spiritually healthy in your relationship with sleep.

And speaking of your family, I hope they're all here with you and plan to participate in this study. Depending on their age, much of this may be above their heads, but there's nothing wrong with teaching our kids to sit and listen even when they don't understand everything they're hearing.

I also suggest everyone with the ability to read should have a copy of the life work entitled Sleep Plan. You can access that link in the description of this episode. You also find a transcript and links to other related resources as well.

Biblical Teaching on Sleep and Healthy Sleep Requirements

So let's get started. Believe it or not, the Bible has a lot to say about sleep. For example, Proverbs 20 .13 tells us that we shouldn't love too much sleep. And Psalm 3 .5 teaches us that God is the one who sustains us when we sleep.

But how much sleep is too much and how much sleep is too little? Well, the Bible doesn't tell us that, but modern sleep sciences have determined that in general, the following are healthy daily requirements.

Newborns, that's kind of like the zero to three months, should have 14 to 17 hours of sleep a day. Infants, up to 11 months, should have 12 to 15. Younger children, this is ages 1 through 6, they should have 11 to 14 hours of sleep a day.

Older children, 7 to 12, should have 10 to 12 hours. Young adults, this is ages 13 to 17, should have 9 to 11 hours of sleep. What we're going to call independent adults, this is ages 18 to 29, should have 8 to 10 hours of sleep.

And mature adults, these are people over the age of 30, should have 7 to 9 hours of sleep every single day. Now, obviously, these are averages, but, and there are various factors that can affect these numbers.

So, for now, though, we're going to take them as suggested goals toward which to work. And though I wish we could take the time to convince you of these scientific realities that you really need more sleep than you realize you need, well, we'll just accept them right now for what they are.

And as you continue, please understand that nothing in this handout should be considered quote unquote medical advice. Obviously, consult your primary health provider if you have any concerns or questions.

But for the purposes of these episodes, we're going to work together to help you and your family achieve a healthier sleep schedule all to the glory of God. You need more than you're getting, believe it or not.

The Sleep Questionnaire as a Counseling Tool

Now, in order to develop a healthy plan, we will need to get an accurate understanding of your current sleep routine. So we have a questionnaire that everyone in your family should fill out, especially if they're school-aged or older.

But before we get any further, I do want to remind you that the life work resources that are being offered to you during this season were all created for my counselees. These are the resources in my family counseling to which I find myself constantly returning.

This discussion about sleep is an absolute epidemic in our society, and I really wish I had more than just three episodes to talk about the sleep sciences and how we need to glorify God by stewarding our health.

But this is what we have for the moment. And without your help, this may be all we have. In just one short month, we're going to celebrate our 10th year of podcasting and our 6th year of ministry. However, this may be the end of our podcast and ministry if we're not able to raise enough money to continue producing these free resources.

So will you please visit TruthLoveParent .com forward slash donate, or click the link in the description so that you can become a monthly donor. We really need your help to raise the money necessary to cover our expenses.

Write new books, counsel low-income families, and present our ministry so that more people can gain access to our free resources. We pray our over 645 podcast episodes and panoply of free resources on the EverMind app and all of the free content at TruthLoveParent .com benefits you and your family.

And we ask that you prayerfully consider financially supporting us. Thank you for all that you're going to do. And now let's consider the sleep questionnaire. It's going to be very important for everyone in your family to carefully fill out this questionnaire.

Even if they can't read or understand all the questions, someone should help the younger members of your family fill out one for them. But I suggest you don't try to fill it out as I talk about the questions.

On one hand, you might be tempted to move through the questionnaire too quickly to stay up with the section I'm discussing. On the other hand, if you're giving careful attention to the questions, you might miss things I'm saying about each topic, information that's not on the life work.

Identifying Sleep Complaints and Misunderstood Normalcy

So let's scan through the questionnaire together, and then you can carefully fill it out later. The first section is main sleep complaints. We're trying to identify if you have trouble falling asleep, trouble remaining asleep, excessive sleepiness throughout the day, if you snore while you're asleep, and if you have any unwanted behaviors during sleep.

This will include sleep patterns that structurally hurt your body, falling off the bed, talking or calling out in your sleep, etc. And then there's a blank for you to make any other helpful insights into your main sleep complaints.

Now, remember this as you work through the material. People only know what they know. And generally speaking, people will accept many things as being normal simply because it's all they know. There are people who honestly believe that everyone always feels sleepy all of the time.

Their life experiences have led them to believe this is unavoidable. So when asked if they feel sleepy during the day, they may say no. You see, their quote-unquote normal is what others may say is very tired.

And when they think about abnormal sleepiness, they may conclude that they're no more tired than they usually are, and so they're fine. Therefore, approach these questions from the meaning of the words alone.

You might not feel more tired than usual days, but if your normal feeling is tired, which includes the desire to sleep, frequent napping, heavy eyelids, difficulty nodding off in classes or at work, yawning, etc., then you actually are very tired, even though you might feel, this all might feel normal to you.

Sleep Patterns, Counselors, and Accurate Tracking

Okay, so the next section is sleep patterns, an area where you need to carefully list your typical bedtime, awake time, hours in bed, hours of actual sleep, the amount of time it takes you to fall asleep, how many times you wake up during the average night, how long it takes you to fall back to sleep once you've woken up, whether or not your sleep patterns are irregular, and whether or not you awaken early in the morning still tired but unable to get back to sleep.

Now you might be wondering why this information is helpful. You might already know the answer to all of these questions, but knowing this information hasn't helped you fix anything. So remember, this questionnaire is yours to fill out, but it's your biblical counselors to read, interpret, and use as the foundation for helping you.

Now that's not to say that you won't be able to see patterns and recognize problem areas in your life. I hope you do. I want to explain enough to at least help you see how these questions allow me or other biblical counselors to minister to you better.

But it's true. It's true that a competent biblical counselor will be able to decipher more of this questionnaire than you might be able to at this time. And I welcome you to contact us at Counselor at TruthLoveParent .com if you'd like some assistance understanding what this questionnaire might reveal about your sleep.

As far as this section is considered, when I look at it, I'm building a picture of how your average night compares to what would be considered a healthy night's rest. This is why you shouldn't guess at sections like this.

You need factual answers. I tell my counselees that if they're not certain about this section, they will need to track all of this over the next week. It's a limited example of their usual patterns, but when it's done accurately, will be more helpful than guesses and inaccurate answers.

Sleep Environment, Circadian Rhythms, and Breathing

The next section is called Sleep Environment Habits. Here we'll consider typical sleep positions and whether your sleep space is comfortable from a noise and temperature perspective. Those two considerations are very important.

I should also add a question to determine how much light is present in your room when you sleep. This too is very impactful. I then try to determine if you have pets in your bedroom with you, if you watch TV on a television or a mobile device right before sleep, if you read before sleep, and if you work or study in bed.

Some of these questions help me to understand how you may be abusing your circadian rhythms with blue light. I also get a picture of how activated your brain is before sleeping. And I start to understand the psychological relationship you have with your bedroom.

Some people have a hard time sleeping because their mind and body associate this space with many things that are the opposite of good sleep. The other questions try to identify the chemical influences in your body that come from alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and even the presence of food in your system.

Each of those will affect your sleep more than you realize. The next section delves more deeply into your breathing. Now if you sleep alone, this might be a hard section to fill out accurately. The first part asks if you've ever been told that you snore loudly or only snore in certain positions or if you stop breathing in your sleep.

Then it asks if you've ever been woken up by your own snoring or breathing problems. We're also curious to understand if you have trouble breathing in certain positions or through your nose. And believe it or not, if you have headaches in the morning or you sweat a lot in your sleep, these may, though not always, be related to breathing issues in your sleep.

You also may just be dehydrated because you don't consume enough water, but that's another podcast episode entirely. Now whether you think that everyone is sleepy during the day, the daytime sleepiness section tries to understand your normal experiences.

Daytime Sleepiness and Cultural Assumptions

You get to answer yes or no to questions like, I often feel drowsy during the day more than I expect is normal. Now you better believe I'm going to be asking you how much drowsiness you believe is normal.

I feel unrefreshed or tired in the morning despite sleeping at night. I take daytime naps. I have uncontrollable urges to fall asleep during the day. I have experienced lapses in time or blackouts. I have fallen asleep while driving.

And I performed poorly in school or work because of sleepiness. Believe it or not, none of that is healthy, nor should it be considered normal. Let me give you just one example. The average American household firmly believes that children who are in school are absolutely going to drag around like zombies.

It's so habituated in our culture, we don't question it for a moment. And if someone else questions it, we quickly espouse our belief that there are simply too many important things a child needs to do in a day and that getting more sleep is just not an option.

And some professing Christian families will also suggest that some of the necessary sleep times we discussed earlier would be a sign of laziness and sloth. For an adult to be sleeping 9 hours? For an 18-year-old to be sleeping 10 hours?

They so believe that 6 hours of sleep is all a teenager needs that 8 hours would be lazy and anything more than that could only mean that the child is a sluggard. But all those mindsets show us is how deluded and ignorant we are.

And please understand, I'm not being mean. I have believed these things, things like that anyway, at different times in my life as well. We humans have a terrible habit of believing we're an expert in something simply because we've been doing it our whole lives.

But if we've been doing it wrong our whole lives, that only means we're experts at being wrong. As you heard in the intro, I once met a man who claimed it was impossible for him to sleep more than 5 hours a night.

But it only took a short conversation with him to recognize that his daily life was literally abusing his health. His body was striving to maintain equilibrium in a toxic existence. After a few short months, that man was able to achieve more and more restful sleep simply by addressing the lies he believed, the sinful patterns he thought were okay, and recognizing that God expects him to steward his health to the glory of his Creator.

If nothing else, please enter into this three-part episode with an open mind and an open Bible. Moving on, the next section is about the Epworth Sleepiness Scale. The scale was created by Dr. Murray W. Johns.

The Epworth Sleepiness Scale and Daytime Sleepiness Scores

He named it after the Epworth Hospital, which should be very familiar to those of you who live in Australia. According to EpworthSleepinessScale .com, the ESS is a self-administered questionnaire with eight questions.

Respondents are asked to rate, on a four-point scale, their usual chances of dozing off or falling asleep while engaged in eight different activities. Most people engage in those activities at least occasionally, although not necessarily every day.

The ESS score can range from 0 to 24. The higher the ESS score, the higher that person's average sleep propensity in daily life or their daytime sleepiness. So, with that understanding, let's peruse the questions.

How likely are you to doze off or fall asleep in the following situations, in contrast to feeling just tired? Use the following scale and indicate the most appropriate number for each situation. The numbers you get to choose from are 0, 1, 2, and 3.

And the activities are sitting and reading, watching TV, sitting inactive in public places like a theater or meeting, as a passenger in a car for an hour without a break, lying down to rest in the afternoon, sitting and talking with someone, sitting quietly after lunch without alcohol, and in a car while stopped for a few minutes in traffic.

And that's it. That's it, you ask? Yep. Generally speaking, healthy people shouldn't find themselves drifting off during those times. 0 means that this never happens, and 3 means that it happens any time I do those things.

Now, if you're curious, generally speaking, your scores can be interpreted like this. 0 to 5 is lower normal daytime sleepiness, which is healthy. 6 to 10 is higher normal daytime sleepiness, and should be a concern.

11 to 12 equates to mild excessive daytime sleepiness. This is an issue. 13 to 15 is moderate excessive daytime sleepiness, and 16 to 24 equals severe excessive daytime sleepiness. And trust me, things aren't bad only when they reach the severe level.

My counselees don't normally have access to that information because I'm the one interpreting it, but I hope that you'll be honest as you fill it out. Don't metagame, as we say. Don't put in close to accurate numbers in order to curate a final total that doesn't look as bad.

That would be lying. The reality is, the only healthy grade is a 0 to 5. The next section is Restless Leg Syndrome. These questions identify if you kick or jerk your legs excessively during sleep, if you experience a creeping, crawling, tingling sensation in your legs when you try to fall asleep, if you experience an inability to keep your legs still prior to falling asleep, and if you experience the feeling of restlessness in your legs at night.

Restless Legs, Orexin, and Parasomnias

A lot of people probably haven't heard of Restless Leg Syndrome, but a less common issue has to do with orexin. Orexin is a brain chemical that helps you regulate waking and wakefulness. I'll let you read those questions on your own when you fill out the questionnaire.

The next section deals with Parasomnias. Parasomnia is a group of sleep disorders that involve abnormal and unwanted movements, behaviors, emotions, perceptions, or dreams. And then we get to the section marked Miscellaneous.

This section asks a variety of questions about your life and sleep. For example, do you frequently travel across two or more time zones? Are you more alert in the morning than evening or the other way around?

Do you awaken alert in the morning earlier than the time you get up? Do you frequently have heartburn or acid reflux at night? Do you feel depressed or anxious? Does chronic pain interfere with your sleep?

Do you need to urinate frequently? Do you grind your teeth in your sleep? And do you have bedwetting issues? From there, we have questions about insomnia. I'll let you read those later. Then we dive into habits like smoking, drinking alcohol, and consuming caffeine.

We could also include drugs on this section. Your social history is also important. Are you married, widowed, etc.? Also what's your employment status? All of these are factors that help a biblical counselor get a big picture view and a personalized picture for you.

It's interesting to me how easy it is to overlook how daytime difficulties and stressors impact our sleeping. This is why we need to ask these questions. And then there are sections to identify your past medical history, as well as your current medications and allergies.

Christian Responsibility to Understand and Steward Health

And finally, a short section about your family history. And that's an overview of the sleep questionnaire. Now, some of you might be thinking, well, Aaron, for someone who's not a doctor, you sure have a lot of doctor questions.

Here's the thing. It's far too easy to convince ourselves that questions about our health and wellness are taboo for us to consider without a medical professional. It's only medical doctors who could even start to understand these ideas.

But that's not true. Some of the most exciting health stories come from those who took their own health into their hands. And as Christians, we are responsible to steward our health to the glory of God.

Therefore, we can't afford to be ignorant of common and easily accessible scientific truths about our bodies. Now, as promised, this episode didn't have much to say about the Bible. We're going to look at that in much more detail next time.

However, between now and then, it would be amazing if everyone in your family filled out the sleep questionnaire. Take your time. Make sure they're accurate in your answers. You have plenty of time. Also, please share this episode on social media so more families can learn to glorify God with their sleep.

And please feel free to email us at Counselor at TruthLoveParent .com or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 if you'd like some help understanding the answers on the questionnaire. And then join us next time for Sleep in Your Family Part 2, God's Expectations.

I'll see you then. And remember that TLP is a listener-supported ministry. You can visit TruthLoveParent .com forward slash donate to learn more.