Evangelical Weirdness

Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston. No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the apostle Paul said, but we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.

In short, if you like smooth, watered-down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you. By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the divine trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her King.

Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth.

A File Full of Evangelical Weirdness

Welcome to No Compromise Radio ministry. This is Mike Abendroth. Still feel like I have a head cold a little bit. I feel underwater, but we tape these shows sometimes far in advance, and so you might think, has he been sick for three weeks?

No, but I'm just still sick while I'm taping these things. I was just going through my files, cleaning out my old paperwork over the last 13 years here at Bethlehem Bible Church, and I thought, what's in this file?

And it was a file containing all kinds of crazy things, interesting anecdotes regarding evangelicalism, weird things. So today is called weird things. I don't know what it's called. I just want to talk about evangelicalism in general.

And the first thing I have here in front of my hot little hands is the fire Bible. The unforgettable object lesson ignites at the touch of a button. And here's what this little thing says. It's $39 .95.

Pick me products. I have a phone number if you want it, and you need to buy two AAA batteries, by the way, lighter fluid not included. I kid you not. Lighter fluid not included. Ignites at the touch of a button.

And it shows a lady there with a choir robe on and some book. It says the Holy Bible and there's fire flying out of there. All eyes will be on you when you open this Bible and begin to read a Bible story or scripture for the day.

It may look like a real Bible, but just open it, push the red button, and it will electronically ignite. Everyone will want to read the fire Bible again and again. Just what you need for the hot topics you teach, guaranteed to be memorable.

And so when the Bible isn't enough, nothing's enough. So you get the unforgettable object lesson, lesson like the fire Bible. I say, just open up the Bible and begin to teach it. There's nothing boring about the Bible.

The, maybe the person who's delivering the Bible, he or she might be boring. The pastor may be boring. I think it's a sin to make the Bible boring, but I think this is a little bit over the top in the news of the weird, the fire Bible.

I guess if I had one, I'd probably use it for some kind of kid's thing. I don't know. On the back, it's funny. You've got other things like a brain and heart reusable gelatin mold, but I don't know what that has to do with the Bible.

Anyway, anything to make a buck. How about this news item? A Hindu man, Mukesh K. Rai, R-A-I, filed a lawsuit in Ventura, California in January against Taco Bell for causing him to do, quote, the equivalent of eating his ancestors, said his lawyer, by negligently substituting a beef burrito for a bean burrito.

Rai thus required medical attention, he said, was forced to miss work and will have to travel to India for purification. Taco Bell offered to calm the anguished Rai by exchanging the beef burrito for a bean one, but according to Rai, refused to refund him the price difference between the two.

Listen, 1 Timothy 4 is very clear. For Christians, you eat anything you want because you recognize that there's a creator, a good creator, who has made all things for us to enjoy, and we enjoy them and say, Lord, thank you for these taste buds.

We've done shows on this before, and I find it interesting that many other religions, maybe most other religions, I'd like to do a study sometime, have certain laws for food. What other religion says eat whatever you want and just enjoy it?

And so here we have a man who's suing Taco Bell. I told you it was gonna be weird. Also in front of me today, this is basically what Mike likes to show. Maybe it's the Theraflu that I'm taking. Who knows what it is.

I have a likeness of Mother Teresa found in a cinnamon roll, and this is actually in the newspaper, Tennessee newspaper via the Associated Press, and it says a lookalikeness of Mother Teresa. I didn't misspeak.

That's exactly what it says. Pastry enshrined. So now it's enshrined. Where's Pastor Steve when I need him? Always biblical, always provocative, always hilarious, always in that order. Hundreds of people have flocked to Bongo Java Coffee Shop in Nashville to see a likeness of Mother Teresa on a cinnamon bun.

Actually, it's shaped like a cinnamon bun, not an awn. It was shellacked and put on display after a customer who bought it said it looked like the Roman Catholic missionary. Isn't that fascinating? And so I think you could probably eat it as some kind of wonderful sacramental delight.

Oh, man. All right, next in line here for this who knows what kind of show. This is certainly not biblical exegesis show. Thomas W. Passmore, 32, was working on a construction site when he noticed a mark on his hand that looked like 666.

Mr. Passmore then picked up his circular saw and cut his hand off. Taken to the nearby hospital, he refused to undergo surgery, insisting he would go to hell if they reattached his hand. Hospital officials, following a judge's advice, complied with the patient's wishes.

Mr. Passmore, who has a history of mental illness, is now suing the hospital for 3 .35 million, saying they should have ignored his orders and forced him to have the surgery associated press. Listen, certainly Jesus, when he talks about radical amputation of yourself for sin, whether it's in the Sermon on the Mount or elsewhere, that's a figure of speech.

Furthermore, this man has said that, well, I've got 666, I'm not gonna go to heaven. I don't think you're gonna have 666 unless you're in the tribulation, and we don't know what that 666 mark will be.

People in the tribulation, they will know, but the way the text reads, we won't know now what it is, and so don't waste your time trying to figure it out. It won't be the number 666. You can be guaranteed of that, and so people lack knowledge regarding the Bible, and it costs them, and here it cost him his hands, and so we wanna make sure we're very, very careful with that.

Bad Sermon Openers and Biblical Preaching

All right, next up on the list, interesting things, the way religion finds itself into the news. Oh, maybe more than that even. Oh, let me switch around a little bit. Nothing from the news. These are bad sermon openers, okay?

Typically what pastors do is they say, I'd like to somehow get your attention at the beginning of the sermon and then secure your interest. That is to say, I want you to start thinking about what I'm going to talk about now, and I want you to know that you are needing to listen to this, that you are going to profit, and you might say it's in the Bible, therefore you need to know it.

You might say this is a sermon on wives but husbands. This is for you, too, because you need to know how to pray for your wives. There's a variety of ways to get attention and secure interest. Sadly, most people just say, let's start off with some joke.

I don't think you should ever tell a joke from the pulpit. Did you hear about the rabbi, priest, and the Mormon missionary? Not that kind of thing. I think comic relief serves a purpose. It lets the congregation exhale and get ready for the next biblical point, especially if it's a heavy message.

But what we want to do is, this is just no-compromise radio, and we can pretty much do what we want. These are bad sermon openers. Turn, if you would, to the book of Tobit, verse two, chapter four. That would be a bad sermon opener.

That is, Tobit is from the book of Mormon. I feel the Lord is leading us to begin an extended time of fasting and mortification of the flesh. Oh, here's a real funny one. By the way, these bad sermon openers are from Ed Weir and Doug Duncan.

This is, this sermon opener is to be performed with eyes closed, one hand held above a head, and with a pronounced chant-like quality. That's what it says in parentheses. And then this is what you're supposed to say.

Shattalachri shattranochis teila astula pechorajul disbalnella. I tried to be as phonetically correct as I could. That would be a bad way to open a sermon. How about this one? The book of Revelation is almost impossible to understand.

Interestingly, the book of Revelation, chapter one, motivates you to read it, because if you hear it read or you read it, you are blessed. What other book in the New Testament, and all the Bible, that is, gives that kind of blessing, that kind of benediction, right up front.

No other book does that. Here's another introduction. What I'm about to say will probably cause some of you to leave. I don't know why these all strike me as funny today. We have no record in the New Testament that Jesus ever laughed.

That is an interesting one, because the text does not say he laughed, but certainly Jesus laughed. He was fully God, yes, and he was fully human. And so all the emotions, all the righteous emotions, of course, Jesus never sinned, nor did he have a sinful emotion.

He was tempted, but he did not fall. And by the way, that temptation was an ongoing forever temptation. When we are tempted and give in, the force and the brunt and the aggressiveness of that temptation is gone, because it's now conceived and now we've fallen.

But for Jesus, the temptation never slacked up. He never, ever sinned. And what a wonderful Savior Jesus is. And I know some who would like to say, well, Jesus never laughed, therefore we aren't to laugh and we're to be serious and sober.

Frankly, many times we are to be serious and sober. First Peter chapter one, to be sober-minded. And we are to think properly. We ought not to think in an intoxicated fashion. There's a time to laugh and there's a time to be sorrowful, as Ecclesiastes would say in chapter three.

But we know Jesus laughed and we know Jesus had the full gamut of real human emotions. And he was the most human human who ever lived. And so for those who say you can never laugh, this show is for you.

Of course you can laugh. All right, let's see. Is there anything else here that I want to talk about? Oh, this is a good one. Bad sermon opener. I suspect this will be the first exorcism many of you have actually participated in.

Oh, we've talked before too about exorcisms. Just because Jesus and the apostles do exorcisms, that does not mean you are supposed to do them. You're not supposed to do them at all. You're just supposed to preach the gospel to unbelievers who have demons and who are demon-possessed, and certainly the demons will go.

That is the real issue. All right, what else do I have here on my board that is of interest? It's of interest to me. This is if you have a baby and you want to teach the baby, your pre-born baby, your baby in the womb, some of the Bible.

And it says with the headline, expecting, teach your pre-born child the Bible and establish God's holy word in their developing spirits for life. Prenatal preschool as seen on the 700 Club. For free brochure, call or write, Prenatal Education Orlando for Florida, blah, blah, blah.

And so you get the Bible, and it's repeated, and I guess you put it up close to your stomach, turn it up really loudly. I don't think there's any kind of attachment. And then you can get the Bible into your children's eyes and mouth and ears and all that.

I don't know how that works. I do remember that I would sing hymns and rub my wife's stomach when there were babies inside of my wife. And so I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with it, but maybe that's an interesting way for all of us to be holier.

What else do we have here? Oh, I've got a bunch of things. This is Mike Abendroth. We're basically sick today and going crazy. How about 10 things people won't say when they see the Christian bumper sticker or more subtle fish symbol on your car?

That's a good topic. We put things on the back of our car to somehow identify with Christianity. I personally don't put a bumper sticker on the back of my car because when I cut someone off or have to slam on my brake, I'm angry in the car, and certainly all those things have been true and probably will be true of me.

I don't want people to say, oh, look at that Christian. I mean, when people cut me off or drive 10 miles an hour in a 50 mile an hour zone and have a fish, I think that's a bad testimony. Here, these people have some truth to this.

Mike Higgs has some truth that when people see a bumper sticker, that's a Christian bumper sticker, hell, no, the afterlife, smoking or non-smoking, something like that. What will they say or what won't they say in particular?

Here's one they won't say. Look, let's stop that car and ask those folks how we become Christians. How can we become Christians? And let's, this is kind of like bumper sticker evangelism. I don't think they'll say that.

How about this one? Don't worry, Billy, those people are Christians. They must have a really good reason for driving 90 miles an hour. Oh, man. Here's what they won't say if they see a bumper sticker on your car.

What a joy to be sharing the highway with another car of spirit-filled brothers and sisters. How about this one? Isn't it wonderful how God blessed that Christian couple with a brand new Maserati? Dad, how come people who drive like that don't get thrown in jail?

Son, that driver's a Christian and God probably protects him from getting arrested. Dad, can we get a bumper sticker on your car? Can we get a bumper sticker like that, too? Stay clear of those folks, Martha.

If they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road. And this one is so classic. I'm gonna give you two more. This is interesting. Oh, look, that Christian woman is getting a chance to share Jesus with the police officer.

Oh, friends, we have this idea that we have to go around and figure out sly ways, covert ways to share the gospel. Friends, you ought not to share the gospel. You ought to proclaim the gospel. I don't think you'll see the words sharing the gospel in the text.

You have a command, and that command is to be obeyed. Go make disciples by preaching the gospel, by teaching the Bible. And when you say, I didn't feel led, you mean you'd have to feel led to obey? If your kid's in the room and you ask them, child, would you please clean your room?

And then 20 minutes later, they say, I didn't feel led, therefore I didn't do it. You realize that's problematic. But we do that all the time. Oh, I wasn't led. I wanna do the easy way. It's hard to evangelize.

It's hard to show the rock of stumbling and offense Jesus Christ to people, to Jewish people, to Muslims, to Patriots worshipers, to Red Sox worshipers. It's a difficult thing because you have to talk about the person's sin.

So we try to do the easy things, and we throw a bumper sticker on the car and think that's good enough. I'm looking at these things that people won't say when they see your bumper sticker. And this is the last one I'll read regarding this particular topic.

I think it's quite funny as well. No, that's not garbage coming out of their windows, Bert. It's probably gospel tracts for the road workers. Oh, man. So what are we doing? Today, I'm just saying that evangelicalism has found its way into everything.

And in the old days, Christian was a noun, and now it is an adjective. And so we see it everywhere we go. I found this interesting. This is a Dallas Morning News article. Ernesto Hernandez, 20 years old of Dallas, Texas, was fatally wounded after a fight broke out at a baptism party.

Mr. Hernandez was with family and friends when an argument started late in the evening. He was shot during the argument and died at a nearby hospital. And so how sad is that? Unfortunately, we have a lot of people out there that use what they call the sacrament of baptism for babies, thinking that that will solve all their problems, and they are unregenerate as parents.

The children are unregenerate, and there's much more to the Christian life than baptizing babies. All right, what else do I have here? I have Doug Wilson's shorter catechism for the modern evangelical.

And the thing with this humor that I'm trying to do today, if you haven't noticed yet, is I'm trying to be humorous, but I'm also trying to teach lessons, not subconsciously, not unconsciously either, but I'm trying to show you that there are lessons underlying some of these things.

Here's Doug Wilson's modern evangelical shorter catechism. What is the chief end of man? Answer, why did you say man? Aren't women included? Lot to be said about that. What is the chief end of humankind?

I don't know, just do it. What rule has God given that we may glorify and enjoy him? Rules, is this one of those legalistic churches? By the way, obedience is never legalism, so when the pastor asks you, based on the Spirit's power dwelling within you, to obey certain biblical commands, that is never legalism.

So many people say, oh, that's legalistic. You mean that's a church striving for obedience? What do the Scriptures principally teach? The Scriptures principally teach that we must learn to love and accept ourselves.

See, and that's exactly what's happened in evangelicalism. Instead of the two great commands, love your neighbor and love yourselves, we now, modern evangelicals, have a psychological set of commands that are three.

Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourselves. There's two commands. You gotta love yourself before you love your neighbor. That is hogwash. As much as you love yourself, to the nth degree, to the x plus one degree, you love your neighbor.

Those are the two great commands. What is God? Were you under the impression that I went to seminary? You know, that's like people say, what is doctrine? Doctrine's not important. Doctrine is anything about God.

Doctrine is any true statement about God. How many persons are there in the Godhead? Answer, what are you talking about? See, people are so far away from this, they don't understand these things. What are the decrees of God?

You mean like predestination and all that? Question, yes, I think that God wants us to be free. He knows everything, of course, but he still gave us free will. I couldn't worship a God who didn't do that.

That sounds like my show last Friday, doesn't it? Do you have to call them decrees? The person goes on to say, well, how does God work out his will? Well, he looks down the quarters of time and sees what is happening, and that is what he wanted anyway.

And so this is a very man-centered, upside-down, shorter catechism, but Wilson is exactly right. Here's another one. What is sin? Sin is the lack of self-esteem. By the way, that's a quote from Robert Schuller.

Did all mankind fall in Adam's first transgression? No, why would that happen? I mean, we are so far removed from federal headship and having one person be responsible for the actions of another. People don't think that way anymore.

Well, let's see if there's anything else here. What is the sum of the Ten Commandments? The sum of the Ten Commandments is what the Jews had to do in the Old Testament, but we're under grace, not law.

Well, that's an interesting one, but that's for another day. How about Yogi Berra, the theologian, written by Peter Smith? 90 of salvation is grace. The other half is works. On a serious note, Romans 11, verse six, says one part, it basically says one part work, 99 billion parts grace.

You no longer have grace. You have works. Here's another Yogi Berra-ism for theology students. If they don't want to come forward at the altar call, you can't keep them away. Oh, man, all right, let's see what else is in there.

A shekel ain't worth a talent anymore. I usually have two-hour devotions from one o 'clock to four o 'clock. It ain't Easter till it's Easter. All right, well, that one wasn't as funny, but that's okay.

Christian Television, the Gospel, and the Main Thing

Indications that you've been watching too much Christian television. By the way, MacArthur has written a great article in the Pulpit blog about the 700 Club, TBN, those kind of things, and the charlatans there.

You need to make sure you read that article. You've been watching too much Christian television when the only church father you can think of is Dad Hagen. You know you've been watching too much television when you think Hal Lindsey wrote the Book of Revelation.

Let's see if there's anything else. This is a dated one. You turned your Labor Day weekend into a John Jacobs and the Power Team VCR marathon. He was that guy that did all kind of lifting for the Lord and bending nails for the Lord.

And this is the indicting one. Indications that you've been watching too much Christian television, with Christian in quotation marks. The idea of a holy, sovereign, yet loving God sending his only son to die for a lost and dying world never crosses your mind.

You see, the main thing is the main thing. In 1 Corinthians 15, verse three and four, Paul understands in the midst of all the issues in life, there's something that takes the top priority. And that top priority is not health, it's not wealth, it's not excitement, it's not hedonism, it's not contentment, it's not personal gratification, it's not self-fulfillment.

At the top of the list, the apex of the universe and all the eons of time is that Jesus Christ would die on a cross, that a loving, holy father would send his loving and holy son in agreement to die for the sins of God's people.

And so you don't see that on TV. Why don't you see that on TV? Well, they're too busy saying all the other stuff like send Jesus money, this is my address. You don't wanna do that. I'm about tired of people begging for money, especially when they don't even preach the gospel.

Preach the gospel, God will take care of you and your needs. My name's Mike Ebenroth, this is No Compromise Radio Ministry. And we had some fun today laughing about things, but there are very serious things indeed to be considered.

Have you trusted in Christ alone? Have you turned from your sins and followed Christ? Are you born again? You must be born again. Why must you be born again? Because you need to be different and only God can make you different and forgiven based on Christ's work.

God bless you. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Ebenroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston. Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life transforming power of God's word through verse by verse exposition of the sacred text.

Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at six. We're right on route 110 in West Boylston. You can check us out online at bbchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.

The thoughts and opinions expressed on No Compromise Radio do not necessarily reflect those of WVNE its staff or management.