What God Has Done In Our Marriage (Zac & Annie Poonen Testimony) — Zac Poonen

A Marriage Transformed by the New Covenant

Even non-Christians would like to have a happy marriage. It's not only Christians. So we were married 51 years ago on the 19th of June, 1968. And all I can say is God's been very good to us. When we got married, we did not have an understanding of victory over sin.

So we don't want to pretend that we had a marriage without getting angry or any such thing. That would be a lie. A lot of people tell such lies. I wouldn't tell such lies. We started out defeated, but God brought us to a wonderful life over a period of time as we understood the new covenant and the life of victory.

And thus brought us to a very glorious life. And we read that the path of the righteous is like the shining light that shines brighter and brighter until the perfect day. We start at zero. And I think many of us, almost all of us start not at zero, but at minus something because we are so defeated.

When we are born again, we are not victorious. We're defeated Christians. And any honest believer will say we're defeated, but we don't stay there. That's the point. And one of the things that God did for Annie and for me was he filled us with the Holy Spirit.

Separately, he filled her with the Holy Spirit and filled me with the Holy Spirit. And the Bible says, when it speaks about husbands and wives, the first thing it says is to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 5, 18. A lot of people begin the section for husbands and wives with verse 22, but that's not where it begins. A good marriage, a good Christian marriage begins in Ephesians 5, 18, be filled with the Holy Spirit.

And then it brings into our life a spirit of thanksgiving, verse 19, 20. And then verse 21 is a very important verse in marriage. Be subject to one another. So it's not just the wife being subject to the husband.

It's be subject to one another. So husband and wife have to both be subject to one another because each has got a boundary that God has drawn around them. And there are responsibilities and privileges that the wife has and that the husband has, and so we have to be subject to one another.

We must not, God has drawn a boundary around a husband and a wife, and God's even drawn a boundary around children. We must not go into the other person's boundary. That's what it means to be subject to one another.

Otherwise, the husband will be a dictator and the wife will be like a slave, and that's not God's will. So it begins in verse 21. Both be subject to one another. And then it says, wives, be subject to your own husbands and the husband of the Lord.

Glorifying God Rather Than Pursuing Happiness

And in a worldly marriage, they may want to be happy, but in a Christian marriage, our main goal is not to be happy. I don't want to say at the end of 51 years we are very happy, even though we are. We should be able to say we have glorified God in our marriage, because the purpose of Christian marriage is not to make people happy.

Jesus did not come to make people happy. He came to make people holy, and when we are holy, we'll have genuine happiness that follows holiness. So people who are pursuing happiness in their marriage are not gonna be happy.

It'll be a superficial thing that'll come and disappear and come and disappear. But if you are pursuing holiness, you'll be genuinely happy. Both are concerned for the glory of God. Because in marriage, it says here, we are to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church, because that's the picture here.

And it says in verse 31, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And I'm referring to Christ and the church. So this relationship between man and woman is to reflect Christ and the church.

And now that's not in a worldly marriage. In a worldly marriage, they're only concerned about happiness and learn to say thank you and learn to say sorry when you hurt each other and go out once in a while for a meal and so many things like that.

But in a Christian marriage, we're thinking of glorifying God. Whatever you do, do all for the glory of God. So if we don't glorify God and we just make each other happy, I'd say it's a useless marriage as far as Christ is concerned.

If the marriage has glorified God, then it's fulfilled God's purpose. So our aim must be, Jesus, the Bible says 1 Corinthians 10 31, whatever you do, do for the glory of God. You get married, it must be for the glory of God, not for selfish satisfaction.

And if I marry for the sake of selfish satisfaction or to show other people that I've got a good marriage, you'll be a failure as far as God is concerned, even if you get honor from people. Because a lot of people like that.

I've seen a lot of Christian marriage testimonies where they talk wonderful things about each other and how they're having a very happy time. But I don't see their lives glorifying God. I don't see their children growing up for the glory of God.

So I say that's a useless marriage as far as God is concerned, whatever they may say. Because they haven't glorified God in their marriage. They haven't glorified God in their home. So you young people, when you think of marriage, it's very important that you think of glorifying God.

That's the primary aim of marriage. And if that is the purpose of marriage, then you must yourself be one who's devoted where Christ is first in your life. So this is the thing. When I was considering marriage, I said, Lord, I don't want to marry someone for whom Christ is not first.

So right from before, when we even considered each other and our names were suggested to each other by a godly elder brother whom both of us respected and in whose church we both belonged. And he spoke to her and he spoke to me and he said he'd been praying for us and he was 30 years older than us, a very godly man, the most godly man I met in India.

And he, we prayed about it and I said, Lord, I don't know her at all. In Indian culture, we can't go out with anybody. We can't even court. We had to trust the Lord. God is not a prisoner of any culture.

But I was concerned about one thing. That's, Lord, I want to know whether Jesus Christ is everything to her. That's all I want to know. And I want you to assure me of that, that she's a person for whom Christ is supreme, who can say to Jesus in the words of Psalms 73, 25, Lord, there's no one on earth I desire but you.

And when I get to heaven, I only want you. That was my position. I had said that to the Lord very clearly. There's no one on earth I desire beside you. I'm not even interested in marriage. Christ is everything to me.

And if Christ wants me to get married, I'll get married. I believe that's the happiest foundation for marriage. Not, well, I'm 28 years old, so I should get married. No. If Jesus Christ wants me to get married, I'll get married.

Otherwise, I'm quite happy to be single. Because the will of God is more important to me than my own pleasure, my own satisfaction. A lot of people get married for their own lust and their own satisfaction because it's suggested by parents and so many things.

I'm not saying such marriages will be unhappy, but it'll never be the best. The best marriage is where a person says, Lord Jesus, I want to fulfill your will for my life, whatever it is. I want you to be first in my life.

I want you to be Lord of my life. I desire nothing on earth but you. And I don't even want anything in heaven but you. And if you get two people like that married, it'll be a very happy marriage. I mean happy in the sense happy in Christ.

And then they'll be able to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. So, and the purpose of two being put together, you know, I like to read a verse in Luke chapter 10. Luke's gospel chapter 10.

Marriage as a Witness to Christ and the Church

After this, the Lord appointed 70 others of his disciples and he sent them in pairs. Now think of this as a picture of marriage. There, of course, he was talking about two men, disciples going out to share the word.

But think of this verse in relation to a married couple. The Lord sent them as a pair ahead of him to every city and place where he himself was gonna come. See, the Lord is gonna come to this earth, to your city, to my city, and to every place where he is gonna come, he sends a married couple.

You go there and reflect my life to the people in that town and city. Let them see something of Christ and his church, the relationship between Christ and the church in your relationship as husband and wife.

And as I said, none of us start perfectly. We all start with a selfish nature that when we come together, we discover how selfish we are and that selfishness can lead to misunderstandings. It can lead to strong words where we hurt one another, et cetera.

But if we say, Lord, we wanna glorify you, we'll repent of it and apologize and set things right and gradually come to a life of blessedness and peace where such things don't exist, where Christ is really Lord in the midst of that marriage, that should be our goal.

Every married person should have that as a goal. Lord, we want to live with each other in our house exactly as if Jesus Christ were physically living in the house. And how would we talk to each other if Jesus was sitting there in front of us?

That's the way we wanna talk to each other all the time. And you would never be rude to your marriage partner if Christ was sitting right there with you, impossible. You would never get angry with him or her if Christ is there.

You wouldn't behave selfishly. So the most important thing is for us to recognize the presence of Jesus Christ in our home as a married couple, very, very important. And that doesn't come easily because we are so much more conscious of the world and so many other things.

But it can come more easily if you determine, as I said, that Christ is the one whom you want more than anything else. So when I was considering marriage, I said, Lord, I want to marry someone for whom Christ is first.

I never want to be first in her life. I told her that. In my entire life, I'd never want to be first in your life. I want to be second. I want Christ to be first in your life and then me second. And I told her, you will never be first in my life.

You'll be second. Christ will be first. In worldly marriages, they say we must keep each other first. Okay, that's okay for the worldly marriages. Let them do that. But in a Christian marriage, Christ is first.

Your partner is second. And I'm very happy that after 51 years, we still have sought to maintain that same attitude we had 51 years ago, that Jesus Christ will be first. I can't think of any time where I decided my wife is gonna be first.

Christ is gonna be first. And I want to say that particularly to you because that's the only way to a marriage that glorifies God. See, we are not, Jesus didn't come to make us happy. He came to make us people who will glorify God.

And our marriage must glorify God. And when we have that type of home, see, with Christ is always there in our home, it brings, what does Christ bring? Christ will bring the atmosphere of heaven there.

And when children grow up in that atmosphere of respect for God and respect for one another, they will absorb that over a period of time. And even though all children are naughty in the beginning, they'll absorb that and they will gradually open up themselves to receive Christ as Lord of their own lives.

So this is our goal. God unites us, we read in Malachi chapter two. Malachi two, in verse 15, in the margin of my Bible, and this verse is translated in different ways in different translations. But here, the latter part of that verse, Malachi 2, 15, in the middle of that verse is and what did that one do?

In the margin of my Bible, it says, and why did he make you one? Why did the Lord make you and your husband or you and your wife one? Because he wanted a godly offspring. That's the reason why he made husband and wife one.

One of the reasons anyway, to reflect Christ in the church, which is of course not in the days of Malachi, that was only after the Holy Spirit came. But otherwise, even in the Old Testament, God says the reason he makes a husband and wife one is so that they can have godly offspring.

That means godly children. To have children, that's easy. Anybody can have children. A foolish, sinner, godless person can have children. But to have godly children, for that you need a godly husband and wife.

And I tell you, that's why it's very important for those who are single here to be very careful that you marry people, that you get married to someone for whom Christ is first in their life, so that you will always be second.

You pray like that if you're not yet married. Lord, give me a person who will only put me second and will put you first in his life or her life. That'll be the most blessed marriage where Christ is glorified and you'll have godly offspring, which is God's purpose.

Why did he make you one? Why did God make husband and wife one? That he can have godly offspring. This is very important for us. And I'll tell you why we felt like that. Because when we look around, we were married 51 years ago and we looked around at Christendom.

We saw so many, many pastors and preachers and Christians who claimed to be born again, but their children were wayward and unconverted. I said, Lord, I don't want a home like that. It dishonors you, the devil's being glorified in that home.

I don't want a home that glorifies the devil. And so I remember when we were married, the Lord gave us a verse for our children as soon as our first son was born. And that was in Isaiah chapter 54. And it's interesting that the Lord gave her and me the same verse separately.

So then we knew it was from the Lord. Isaiah 54 and verse 13. All your sons, in the margin of my Bibles, it says, will be discipled by the Lord. All your sons, the Lord will make them his disciples. And their well-being, that means their spiritual well-being, not that they will be financially rich, but their spiritual well-being of your sons will be great.

Well, that's exactly what I wanted. That's exactly, and she got the same verse, and we said, Lord, that's what we want in our marriage. We want you to disciple our children, and we want their spiritual well-being to be great.

The Primary Purpose of Marriage and the Raising of Children

So the primary purpose of marriage is not children, because if that were the primary purpose of marriage, then every godly couple in the world will have children. But the fact of the matter is that many born-again married couples do not have children.

So that's not the primary purpose of, it's the secondary purpose of marriage, to have godly offspring, but the primary purpose is that we must reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. That was not there in the Old Testament.

In the Old Testament, it was only godly offspring, because the relationship between husband and wife was not important. But in the New Testament, it says in Ephesians 5, you have to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church.

So it's very important that that unity of, like the head for the body, is manifested in a relationship between husband and wife. And so, from the beginning, we started to concentrate on that, and as I said, whenever we slipped up, we would repent, and come to the Lord, and be honest.

We didn't want to pretend before others that, oh, we are perfect, when we are not perfect. That would be hypocrisy, and we realized that hypocrisy is the number one sin that Jesus condemned. So we never wanted to be hypocrites.

We didn't want to be a hypocritical husband and wife, like a lot of, we found a lot of Christian husbands and wives, and they would come to the Church and pretend to be very happy and holy, but they were not in private life, and they were absolute hypocrites, and they didn't realize that they were sinning more than anybody else in the Church by being hypocrites.

So we said, we don't want to be hypocrites. We don't want to pretend that everything is okay when it's not okay. I'm not saying we confess our sin in public, but we can say we are struggling. And, but we want to be honest, but we believe that we will come to the place where we will have victory, and have a life which, where we reflect the relationship of Christ in the Church, and like the, you know, like the Bible says, the path of the righteous, Proverbs 4 .18.

That's been one of my favorite verses. If you don't know it, you must know it, because it applies to the single person and the married couple. Proverbs 4 .18. Please remember this verse all your life.

It applies to individual Christians, and it applies to family life as well. The path of the righteous, the righteous individual and the righteous married couple is to be like the light of the sun from dawn till noonday position.

It gets brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter. So, you know, early morning, it's not so bright around us. It's a, dawn is a dull type of light, and that's how we begin our marriage, and everyone who's honest will acknowledge that.

But as the time goes on and we walk with the Lord, it should get brighter and brighter and brighter, pressing on to perfection. And that can only come if you say to each other inwardly, Christ is gonna be first in our life, and you're gonna be second.

That'll be the most blessed marriage you can ever think of. So that is one of the main things that we have stressed in our life, and to keep a good conscience, to be quick, to ask forgiveness immediately from the Lord and from one another, because in every marriage, there will be a need to ask forgiveness from one another.

And, you know, even a small little slip up, we must immediately set it right. It's like, whether it's a big thorn or a small thorn that got into your foot, you pull it out immediately. So whether it's a big misunderstanding or a small little slip up with one unkind word, we ask forgiveness immediately and set it right so that the relationship is always kept straight and clear.

Very, very important. And the two words which I wanna show you in Ephesians 5, which should be true in a Christian home, it's the last verse of Ephesians 5. In a Christian marriage, the husband, Ephesians 5, 33, must love his wife.

Seek to love her like Christ loved the church. And the wife, it says, must respect her husband. The two very important words. Verse 33, the wife must respect her husband, and the husband must love his wife.

And remember, this is in the context, verse 32, of Christ and the church. It's not like, it's not what the world considers respect or what the world considers love. It's Christian love, which is different from worldly love.

It's a self-denying type of love, and respect is to respect the husband as the one whom God has appointed to be my head. Because it says Adam was created first and the woman was created to be her helper.

And where we try to maintain that relationship, I believe God can fulfill his purpose. And the other thing that we sought for in our marriage in all these years was from Matthew chapter 18. In Matthew 18, Jesus said, and I believe we would use this for our own married life, verse 20, if two are gathered together.

Christ in the Midst: Unity and Prayer in Marriage

Now, there's a difference between gathered together and gather together. Gathered together means two people just come together. Gathered together means somebody else brought them together. That's the Holy Spirit, and that's how it should be in a Christian marriage.

The Holy Spirit brings two people together. They are gathered, not that they themselves decided to gather together. They are brought together by the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus. There, Jesus is in the midst.

So I see that as a picture of a true Christian marriage where the Holy Spirit brings a man and a woman together and Christ is in their midst. And when Christ is in their midst, it becomes three, the husband, wife, and Christ.

And then, verse 19, we go backwards from there because I say, I'll tell you why I say backwards. Because whenever you find the word for, verse 20 begins with the word for. For means it's connected to the previous verse.

So you gotta go backwards from verse 20 up to verse 18. So we begin at verse 20, and then we go to verse 19. If these two, with Christ in their midst, agree about anything they ask, it shall be done for them by my Father who is in heaven.

Where Christ is in the midst, and I'll tell you something. Once again, let me repeat. Christ cannot be in the midst if you love each other more than you love Jesus Christ. Christ will never take second place in anybody's life.

You either give him first place or no place. He's gonna be Lord of everything or not Lord at all. So if in your marriage, you wanna give Christ second place, maybe your job first place, or your house first place, or your home first place, or your wife first place, or your children first place, I can tell you Christ will not be in that marriage.

I'll tell you that straight. Because Christ will not take second place in anybody's life or any marriage. That's why from the beginning I stress the most important thing is Christ must be first. So where he's in the midst, then he unites the two.

And when two agree together, and the Greek word for agree is symphony. It's a picture of two musical instruments playing on the same scale and sounding so beautiful because they're playing together. It's a picture of two, if two are in symphony, that's the meaning of that word.

Two musical instruments. A husband and wife must be like two musical instruments playing together, no discord. You know sometimes you listen to some music and people are not playing the notes correctly and there's a jarring sound that shouldn't be there in a marriage.

If two are in symphony, then there's a tremendous power in prayer. And we have used those two verses almost all our life. We say Lord, we were brought together by you, and you are first in our life, and you'll always be first.

And now we want to ask you something. For example, if our children had a problem in school with the teacher or something like that or with some other troublemakers in the school, here's the prayer. We'd say, Lord, we want you to answer us and solve this problem and bind these satanic activities that are affecting our children in some way, or if they get sick or anything, to pray together.

If they two agree on earth and ask for anything, it'll be granted. I cannot think of the number of times we have used that promise as we prayed together for our home and for our children and to preserve ourselves.

And of course, for the ministry that we had in the church. And the one, you know that the first marriage was attacked by Satan. As soon as they got married, the devil came and tried to break them up and he did succeed in breaking them up.

And here also we read that the purpose of our agreeing together is not just to ask something selfishly for ourselves, but also so that we can bind, verse 18. We go backwards now to verse 18, where we bind on earth these satanic forces that are trying to bring confusion in a home.

Do you know that it is satanic forces that bring all the confusion in every Christian home? I've sometimes told believers, I say, listen, if you find your wife is very upset one day about something and she won't talk to you, you know what you should do, brother?

Go to some corner and bind the demonic forces that are trying to bring that confusion in your home. That's what you need to do first. It's the demons who always try to bring confusion between a husband and wife, nobody else.

And here it says, if you, verse 18, if you bind, what you bind on earth will be bound in heaven. And, but as I said, it begins at verse 18. You can't jump, it begins at verse 20. You can't jump to verse 18.

Verse 18 is dependent on verse 20 and 19. That's the foundation. So if we are united in the name of Jesus, Christ is in our midst, he's first in our life, and we pray together and he answers, then we can bind the satanic influences that come into the home, the satanic influences that seek to affect your children.

Anger, Accusation, and Spiritual Warfare in the Home

Satan, what do you read in the Bible? As soon as Adam and, first of all, he tried to separate Adam and Eve, and he came between them. They started accusing one another. You know, Adam was accusing Eve.

That's, Satan is the accuser. So you can see when Adam accused Eve, that's the devil that got in there already. And whenever you point a finger at each other, you can see the devil has already come there.

When you say to your wife or your husband, you did that, or it's because of you, these words that so many husbands and wives say, that's the devil, the spirit of accusation. And that must not be found in our home, because then you're inviting the devil to come right in.

And it affects the children. Because the devil's aim is to separate, if the husband and wife are one, he can't come through. So he tries to separate them, there's a gap between them, and then the devil comes in.

And who is he aiming to attack? The children. And because he could separate Adam and Eve, the very first son was born to Adam, became a murderer. Who made him a murderer? Jesus said in John 8, 44, the devil was a murderer from the beginning.

Yeah, he's the one who instigated, he didn't murder anybody in heaven. What did he mean by that? We read, turn to that verse if you don't know it, it's in John chapter eight, and verse 44. John 8, 44, you are of your father the devil, and he was told the Pharisees, who were reading the Bible and were pretty religious, you want to do the desires of your father, he was a murderer from the beginning.

Who did he murder? He didn't murder any angel. He couldn't murder anybody in heaven. But the very first couple that God united in marriage, the devil came into that and made that first son a murderer.

And that's because I believe that Adam and Eve didn't put God in the middle of their marriage. So the devil is seeking to do that even today. I tell you, he's seeking to attack every single Christian home.

Any home that seeks to be a witness for Christ, you can be pretty sure that it's a Christian home. The devil has got that as a target. Say, I'm gonna hit that home. And we must be alert that we don't allow the devil.

That's why husband and wife must be united so that we don't bring a gap so that the devil can come through and attack our children. Because his aim is murder. Anger is the root cause of murder. You remember Jesus said, the old covenant said, you shall not murder, but I say to you, don't get angry.

Anger is the root from which murder comes. So it's the devil who makes people angry. And it's one of the main things we have to conquer in marriage. We will not get angry. We'll overcome that. And if we do slip up sometimes, we ask forgiveness and seek to come to the place where we'll never get angry.

I want to encourage all of you who are married, husband and wife, to pray that you will come to the place where, I prayed this prayer myself, and God did it in my life, that I will never get angry with my wife for one single moment for 365 days of the year.

And 366 days in a leap year. That means never. Is it possible? I know what the devil says. No, it's not possible. What does God say? It's possible. Now it's only a question of whether you believe God or the devil.

But don't let the devil come in. When it says the devil is a murderer from the beginning, and that's the first thing he did with Cain. The first son was a murderer. And now turn, and I'll show you this in Matthew chapter five.

What is murder in the new covenant? It's what I just mentioned. Verse 20, Matthew 5, 20. Your righteousness will see more than the righteousness of the Pharisees. What he meant is, the Pharisees have an old covenant righteousness.

You must have a new covenant righteousness. And then he said, I'll explain what I mean. Verse 21, the righteousness of the Pharisees is, don't commit murder. But yours must be more than that new covenant, which is in verse 22, that you don't get angry.

You see that? It's right there. Just like God told the Old Testament people, the commandment is don't commit murder. He said, I say to you, verse 22, in the new covenant, the equivalent of that is, you don't get angry.

That's why it's so important. What would you think of an Old Testament family where husband and wife went around murdering people or sought to murder each other? You'd say, what type of marriage is that?

Murder? We are horrified. But do you know that the new covenant equivalent of murder is anger? It's what Jesus said here. And that's why we must hate it. And that's why we must seek to put it away with all of our heart.

And I believe it's one thing which I found. You know, I remember preaching in a place in India. It was a gathering of different denominational churches. And I spoke on this and one man got up and gave a testimony.

He says, I'm 70 years old and I never heard till now that I shouldn't get angry. Or that I shouldn't get angry with my wife. Imagine, he was a Christian all in so many years and he never heard in his life.

There are numerous people who come to our church in Bangalore who said, Brother Zach, we never heard in our life that we shouldn't get angry. Oh. Did you read this Bible or some other Bible? See Ephesians in chapter four.

Why do I say this? Because I believe this is the one thing which a lot of so-called Christians and spirit-filled Christians do not take seriously. Ephesians four, verse 31. Look at all the different words he uses for anger here.

It's very interesting. Different, different words. Verse 31. Put away all these things. What all should you put away? Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice. So many words. The Holy Spirit uses to say whatever color you give it, whatever label you give it, put it away.

I don't care if all the rest of Christendom doesn't take it seriously. Brothers and sisters, we are a new covenant church. We must take it seriously. I decided to take it seriously and you'll never overcome it if you don't take it seriously.

You'll never overcome it if you don't put Christ as first in your life. You will never overcome it if you follow the world's attitude of I love you and you love me, let's love one another more. No, it's not that way.

I love Jesus Christ supremely and then I love you. Then we shall come to this place. So to those who are not married also, I wanna say, I wanna repeat, look for someone who has put Christ first in his life and her life.

Simplicity, Family Priorities, and Money

I remember when before we got married, I said, Lord, you gotta show me this in some way. I wanna know the type of books you read and I found it was the same type of books I was interested in reading about the way of the cross and self-denial and putting Christ first.

And the other thing is, you know, when we saw that God's purpose was to have godly offspring, we looked around and we saw so many Christian homes where the wife would go to work and the children grew up wayward.

And we said, we're not gonna do that. And we didn't have much. I didn't have any income. I was not in any Christian organization. I was trusting the Lord for my needs. We lived extremely simply. We had to because we earned so little, extremely little.

And my wife was a medical doctor. She could have earned millions of rupees. But the day our first son was born, she resigned her job. And she's never worked after that except helping poor people medically.

And today we don't regret it because if I weigh in a balance the millions of rupees she could have earned as a doctor and the other side of the balance, four sons who are following the Lord and living for him, I know which is heavier.

I have no doubt about it at all. And if I were to live my life again, it would be exactly the same. Money is not the most important thing. I have to keep telling that to married people. So many married couples, I say, already the man is earning enough, but still the wife wants to go to work to make more money and more money.