Mutual Spousal Authority: Committed Betrothal

Mutual Spousal Authority and Conjugal Rights

Please turn your Bible to 1st Corinthians chapter 7. We have been in 1st Corinthians 7 for for four weeks in a row looking at the implications of Mutual spousal authority of husband of the wife's body and the wife over the husband's body this being different than the Authority of the husband over wife and other things this being a mutual authority over one another.

Go ahead and stand when you have 1st Corinthians chapter 7 beginning in verse 1. Now concerning the matters about what you wrote it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and Likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body But the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body But the wife does.

Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer. But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Amen.

You may be seated. Dear heavenly father. Your word is challenging to us. We pray that we would be receptive to it. We know that many people will Accept the.

Most.

Obvious Aspects of passages, but then not follow it to its implications. We ask that you would help us to understand the implications of this passage as The Sadducees were guilty for not understanding from the truth that you are the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob that there is indeed a resurrection may we not be found guilty of failing to follow your word to its logical implications in Jesus name.

Amen, so. Looking at the mutual authority between husband and wife. Seen what that means for do benevolence also known as conjugal rights. That right of husband and wife to marital intimacy. Then also bodily fruitfulness.

That right of husband and wife to actually be fruitful in that bodily intimacy marital intimacy. Then last week we looked at what that meant for Courtship. What I spoke of as simple courtship that there not be Boyfriend and girlfriend relationships where people have a claim on each other that is made outside of marriage.

Marriage being The only means by which one can make a claim on the other. That cultivating jealousies is not permitted outside of marriage. But this is what so many people do claiming one another saying this is my woman my man.

Outside of marriage in a way that cultivates jealousies that God has not authorized but are authorized within marriage. We now arrive at a question.

The Case for Betrothal as Covenantal Commitment

Well.

When are you permitted to make that claim? Is it really right to wait all the way up until the wedding day not have any sort of romantic? Affections for someone and then go from zero to 100 on that wedding day.

Or.

Shouldn't there be some kind of way of having a claim on someone else beforehand? If the boyfriend-girlfriend thing is not authorized by God, is there no way of making a claim beforehand before marriage?

No, there is. God gives us a very clear way of doing that and it is called in Scripture betrothal betrothal that covenant by which a Woman and a man are established as husband and wife so that they may begin Cultivating the affections that come before marriage prior to the actual consummation of marriage.

You may ask is not this the same thing as engagement and having a fiancee. Relationship it is not the same thing. Engagement is not covenantal. It is not the same thing You could say well, doesn't Jesus say let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Why isn't that good enough? How would you feel about applying that to marriage? What if someone said well my yes was yes, and my no is no. So therefore I don't need to actually make vows before God in order to have a sufficiently established marriage with this woman or this man.

You would say no. You actually need to make vows before God in order to establish that relationship in order to make the claim that first Corinthians 7 4 Speaks of for the wife does not have authority over her own body.

But the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Marriage is the only way by which that is established husband and wife and that is Begun prior to the consummation and what is known as betrothal.

So.

How can someone begin to cultivate those affections? Properly apart from the means that God has given which is making a covenant in addition. Apart from there being a covenant. There is not sufficient protection That such things would not be broken rashly.

It's interesting how much confusion there There is about these things and I've noticed that because our culture does not Often have betrothal so they do still exist in many cultures because our culture rarely has any notion of betrothal people approach engagement.

Not understanding how it should be. What kind of seriousness it should be approached with is it something that is firm written in stone? Or is it not and the range of answers go all over? There is a very famous book on particular Baptist history particular Baptist being another term for a reformed Baptist.

That in describing the early particular Baptist churches and some of the cases of discipline that they went through. Talks about how they had cases of discipline cases of excommunication for someone breaking off an engagement now that is because a Modern writer Reading about betrothals wants to use a cultural word that we're familiar with Engagement and describe this.

However, it would be completely improper to discipline someone over Changing their mind over a serious matter if there had been no covenant that was made so for example Paul at the end of first Corinthians and first Corinthians 16 says he's going to come to the 2nd Corinthians and spend some time with him them on his way to Macedonia and then in 2nd Corinthians 1 he hasn't managed to do this and he explains to them that his yes was yes, and his no was no.

He even uses that language of Jesus and Explains why it was proper for him to even though he was sincere in his intentions change his mind. Now that would not be the case if one were to swear to do something.

You would not be able to see some new factors that sort of change your mind. Apart from those factors which are built into the nature of the covenant itself covenant marriage involving things related to sexual union so that an Inappropriate sexual union would be grounds to break it off, but nothing less than that and I have heard of churches today Disciplining members for breaking off an engagement once again, how is this appropriate?

To require someone who really does sincerely make their yes. Yes, and their no, no. Not permit them to change their mind apart from a covenant one is permitted to change their mind on even serious matters as long as it is not too rashly and Perhaps you've heard the famous situation of John MacArthur who?

Married a woman who was before that engaged to another man. And he swept her away from that man that she was engaged to. People ask is that is that appropriate if there has been no Covenant there has been no establishment of husband and wife relationship.

There is no authority over the body such that a claim could be made that would disallow that I'd say Brother MacArthur was in the clear now just to Go back to history to let you know how common this was before we look at other biblical texts That require this sort of thing or give us evidence for betrothal.

Let me just read a couple of things from history. William Perkins one of the most important Puritans. His book on preaching called the art of prophesying is one of the most foundational Reform books on preaching he wrote in a another important worked work Christian economy, which is about the family and the section on marriage.

He has a section called of the contract the contract being betrothal being covenanted betrothal. He says marriage hath two distinct parts. The first is the beginning the second the accomplishment or consummation thereof so in other words, he is saying marriage has two parts first, there's the part where it's contracted and Then there's the part after it is consummated.

So he's describing the whole of this as Being the part before in betrothal and also after marriage is not just that part after but also the part before Gouge and domestical duties, which is the most substantial reformed book on family life in particular merit particularly marriage Answers a hypothetical question and that question is Given that it seems that in all times in all places.

Everyone has practiced betrothal. Would it still be a true marriage if a couple got married without having been betrothed beforehand? He says though it has been an ancient custom continued in all ages yet I dare not pronounce it to be absolutely necessary as the want thereof should nullify a marriage and make it to be no lawful marriage.

So in other words, he concludes Okay if a couple did not get betrothed beforehand if there was no Contract or covenant they could still be covenanted in marriage and that's a legitimate marriage. So Rest easy the marriages that we have in our society are legitimate marriages, but it is Astounding that he is approaching this question as something that's very hypothetical very foreign to his mind this world where?

There would not be Betrothals and there would just be loose engagements. He continues on he says but surely it is so meet that meaning suitable it's so meet and requisite as I would advise all Christians that desire a blessing and good success on their marriage to be contracted before they are married if there were no other ground for it, but this that God hath sanctified it and Commended it unto us by his word it were enough to persuade such as fear God to use it.

And so he says even though that's a legitimate marriage if you don't get betrothed beforehand, you should be contracted. There should be a contract beforehand. There are many reasons for it now. This passage here first Corinthians 7 for if you followed What was spoken of last week that there's no claim that can be established apart from marriage Boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where one makes a claim on another not authorized by God.

It should be evident to you at this point that this verse requires that there be some means of making a claim Prior to marriage or else a lot of things very practically fall apart. There must be some way and so I believe this verse is sufficient for showing that betrothal.

Even if you didn't have that word for it that some kind of contract marriage prior to That consummation of it is necessary. This verse is sufficient yet To show you how many times scripture speaks of this to give you more biblical evidence.

Biblical Examples of Betrothal

Let's go through a few passages the first and remember when When I speak of marriage, I often break down My arguments or my evidence and the two categories and that is examples and exemplars. Okay, the examples in scripture of marriages do teach us a lot about marriage, but there's always an uneasiness about it because are these examples in themselves Examples of good things or the examples of bad things.

I believe that's very discernible. So they're not useless to us, but know that there are examples and then there are the exemplars there are things given to us by God particularly to show us what marriage is the exemplars are Adam and Eve in Christ in the church the Inaugural marriage of the old creation and then the marriage of the new creation, but to begin with the examples.

Genesis.

29 verse 21 then Jacob said to Laban Give me my wife that I may go into her for my time is completed. Okay, he's calling her his wife, right? Rachel his wife though. They are only betrothed at this point.

Deuteronomy 20 verse 7. And is there any man who has betrothed the wife and has not taken her? Let him go back to his house lest he die in battle and another man take her. So this passage speaks of her as his wife that has not been taken and.

So since he has a claim to her, he should not go to war but should rather go home and enjoy his wife. Deuteronomy 22 verse 23. If there is a betrothed virgin and a man meets her in the city and lies with her.

Then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city and you shall stone them to death with stones. The young woman because she did not cry for help though. She was in the city and the man because he violated his neighbor's wife.

So you shall purge the evil from your midst if you look at the different penalties for if a woman is Pledged to be married or not pledged to be married. Center. They are different. There are different things that are established here.

And this particular penalty has to do with the fact that another man has a claim on her. Because she is betrothed to him. She is another's wife and so some man who commits adultery with her has slept with another man's wife.

Though there has been no wedding yet and one of the clearest examples Matthew chapter 1. Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way when his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph. Before they came together.

She was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit and her husband Joseph being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame. Resolved to divorce her quietly. Okay, they are betrothed they have not come together.

He finds out she is with child. And what does he want to do? Does he say let's break up? No, he says let's quietly divorce. It is considered a divorce because they actually have a contract established by which they are husband and wife and have a claim on one another and to show you just how Countercultural this is not that you would be unaware.

But in our ESV in verse 20 it says. But as he considered these things behold an angel of the Lord appeared to him in A dream saying Joseph son of David. Do not fear to take Mary as your wife. For that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

Now if you look in older translation It does not say do not fear to take Mary as your wife. It says do not fear to take Mary your wife because the as isn't actually there. The idea is that Mary already is his wife and that he should not be afraid of taking her meaning consummating the marriage.

Well.

Taking her further. Obviously, it will be consummated much later after after Jesus is born.

But.

These passages these statements about the penalties for adultery these statements about Joseph's Proposed divorce, etc. All demonstrate that betrothal. A Covenantal claim on one another by which a man would call a woman his wife and a woman would call a man her husband prior to marriage being consummated.

Is evident in Scripture repeatedly then when we look to the exemplars. What do we find with Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve are made a husband and wife in the garden? Genesis 2 24. They shall become one flesh.

There's obviously a claim on one another and yet it is not until Genesis 4 1 that it said that they knew one another and so he became with child it is. This has been traditionally interpreted that Adam and Eve were betrothed and the marriage was not consummated.

Until after the garden. I understand that there is not as much narrative there as people would like but this corroborates what we see throughout the rest of Scripture and then Most importantly there is the union between Christ and the church.

Christ and the Church as the Ultimate Marriage Exemplar

The union between Christ and the church is not one that has been consummated. The marriage between Christ and his bride is one where we are told of a marriage supper. That is to happen eventually and we are to anticipate that marriage supper that is coming that has not come yet.

We are now betrothed. 2nd Corinthians 112 says. For I feel this is Paul speaking of the Corinthians for I feel divine jealousy for you since I betrothed you to one Husband to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.

But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. So Paul Sees the church. It's being betrothed to Christ. It must be maintained as a pure virgin not violated until that marriage is consummated.

This is the picture that is given of Christ in the church. It is a betrothal Even in Ephesians 5 and this is a point that I've made repeatedly in Ephesians 5 when it speaks of The two becoming one flesh as a mystery.

When it speaks of it as mystery mystery being things that are hidden and then typically they are later revealed. What it has in mind is the fact that these two things being analogous human marriage being an illustration of the spiritual marriage between Christ and the church.

Not all the aspects of that analogy have been revealed to us in fact the consummation the most quintessential aspect of Marriage the two becoming one flesh is something that remains a mystery and has yet to be revealed.

What that is the goodness that we will experience in our union with Christ is something that we know in part today but we will know more fully at the end if our marriages are supposed to be modeled after the marriage between Christ and the church and there should be a Contracted a covenantal betrothal prior to marriage in all ideal circumstances.

Practical Benefits and Protections of Betrothal

Now this is very practical and beneficial obviously. It should be obvious that there is a lot of practical benefit in having a claim prior to marriage. I Shouldn't have to argue that most people do that without the covenant in place they have a claim on one another by which they call each other's bodies their own in some measure and Cultivate the jealousies that are not authorized outside of marriage.

They don't call each other husband and wife yet during that stage. But they understand that it's good to begin cultivating affections and cultivating jealousies a claim on one another. So it should be obvious some of the reasons why that would be appropriate To have a claim on one another prior to marriage, but why must it be?

Covenantal well, there are a number of things that that are Advantageous about that as well for one and most obviously given what I have spoken of it gives you license to cultivate Romantic affections that otherwise you would be guilty before God of cultivating apart from the authority to make a claim over another.

It is by betrothal that you can make a claim on another and begin cultivating romantic affections and Anticipating that marriage. Secondly it gives protection in order that you might begin preparing very seriously for marriage now.

We don't live in a culture that would uphold betrothals the way cultures in time past would. It's interesting. I Recently was reading I Have the first volume of a work called.

The.

Long title. I'm trying to remember it the registry of the consistory of Geneva in the time of Calvin and it's basically all the Church discipline at that cases that would come through the church in Geneva and a lot of them were disputed cases of breaking off betrothals and so you have the The state and the church kind of united in some sense actually Enforcing a lot of these things because there was such a union between church and state at the time.

It would be good if the state were to Enforce these things the way that they still enforce to some degree marriage and divorce. Unfortunately in our time even marriage and divorce is not upheld the way it ought to be.

Divorces are permitted without senses of fault, etc. And when it comes to betrothal there is absolutely nothing there yet in the church. We can acknowledge that an oath before God is a very serious thing and should not be violated.

And so making that oath with another making that claim with another In as much as it is recognized by society whether church or state or family. That would give you the protection by which you can begin Making serious moves to pursue that final dwelling with one another in marriage.

For example, if you are going to uproot your life and move I've heard of people doing this before having actually gotten married and then Breaking off the engagement beforehand and then not knowing what to do after they have uprooted their whole life.

Recently Dave Ramsey made a comment on His show to the effect that a man who is engaged to a woman who has debt should begin paying off her debt and this was something that was fairly controversial with a lot of people because they were saying what if it what if it breaks Off and she just takes all that money and runs it's a reasonable thing, but if you have a Covenanted Union that is upheld by any measure of society.

The Nature and Practice of Betrothal

There are protections by which you can begin preparing for marriage Appropriately beforehand and that these things become more moot questions about being wronged in such way. So what does this? Covenanted betrothal entail?

Well, first of all entails that you can begin cultivating romantic affections to some degree and Even a closeness that wouldn't have been appropriate before it becomes appropriate then so for example Joseph and Mary Preparing for this Census that's going to be taken go to Bethlehem together, you know, it wouldn't be appropriate for a Man and woman to travel alone who are not married, but they as husband and wife.

It's appropriate for do these things though. They do not know each other yet. Yet at the same time while it is appropriate at this point to cultivate romantic affections. It would not be appropriate to cultivate the physical aspect of those affections.

Either in the mind or physically.

So.

Consider as we are willing to let the union between Christ and the church be instructive for us. Consider this passage after Jesus is resurrected. This is of Mary. Jesus said to her Mary. She turned and said to him in Aramaic Rabboni Which means teacher she has said to her do not cling to me for I have not yet ascended to the Father.

But go to my brothers and say to them I am ascending to the Father and Your father to my God and your God. Mary Magdalene went and announced the disciples. I have seen the Lord and that he has said these things to her.

So Mary Magdalene and seeing Jesus Excited that Jesus has been resurrected Grass wants him and he says do not cling to me because I have to ascend to the Father now in that very moment.

She's not.

Preventing him by Going to going to the Father. He is not going to ascend just yet. So what is this comment designed to do? It's designed to be instructive that.

This.

Presence that she was hoping for is not something that is to be enjoyed just yet but rather something that is to happen later. And so the physical closeness.

That.

Characterizes marriage as most especially intimacy is not something that happens, of course until That marriage is consummated and then likewise it is appropriate time to prepare for marriage. Christ has gone to prepare a house for his bride.

This is often what men should be doing and preparing for Wedding is preparing a house for his new family for his bride. And what are we supposed to be doing meanwhile we are supposed to be anticipating this in fact We have been commanded to regularly observe the Lord's table.

When? Until he comes it is an anticipation of being gathered together with him. He has pledged that he will not drink of the fruit of the vine that he will not eat this feast Until we are gathered together with him.

And so we celebrate the Lord's Supper in Anticipation of the consummation of that union. Likewise, it is right for in human marriages during Trothel for both husband and wife to prepare for dwelling together.

Implementing Betrothal in the Church

So, what should you do first of all if you are one who is Pursuing marriage or will pursue marriage. This is something that you can pursue here. I'm very willing to officiate betrothal in front of witnesses in order to establish husband and wife is something that Other reformed Baptist churches have done and this is something that That I have officiated as it has become evident to me.

This is scriptural and something that is very good Just to show you what this entails. So it's not a mystery. I will read the Formula that I got from another reformed Baptist Church that practices betrothals.

I Name in presence of God these witnesses take you name to be my betrothed either husband or wife and Do faithfully promise to marry at a fitting and proper time? Very simple very simple statement that establishes a covenanted betrothal by which One is authorized to begin cultivating religious affections prior to consummation now.

What do you do with speaking about this to others? This is not like a lot of the things that we talked about where when you call others to know some biblical truth that there is an obvious path for them because not many places are going to be practicing something like this at least not in our culture and This is not something where I Apart from having led people through premarital counseling and really having pastoral care over them would really care to have a hand in blessing any particular unions that I am NOT.

I'm not aware of Sufficiently to be able to do so in good conscience I think you can still bring to light the important biblical nature of this practice that has been lost for However many years it has been lost for and perhaps it can be One thing that you can point to about this church and trying to uphold the truth and particularly trying to uphold the truth in a Way that is anchored to our tradition in a faithful way.

This really is something that characterizes this church is not only faithfulness to the Bible but faithfulness to the Bible in a way that is willing to acknowledge the Thought of those who have come before us in as much as they are following Scripture and being led by the Spirit and I would say with Perkins and Gouge that this is something that is clearly scriptural and Then likewise you should anticipate the union between Christ and the church and maybe this is the maybe this is the most important Application for you is to anticipate the union between Christ and the church if you think of the marriage between Christ and the church as being just like the marriages that you see around you that are already Consummated and you think that it's supposed to be analogous in that way.

There are many ways that you might find it fairly lacking. Christ does not dwell with us physically. We do not see him On a regular basis or at all only by eyes of faith. We anticipate and wait for him and it may seem like a very disappointing thing.

But once you realize that the church is betrothed to Christ and that there is a second stage to this union That will be far greater far far greater than the first It is reason to light up with such joy and especially as we observe the Lord's table as we will do So in just a few moments, amen.

Dear Heavenly Father. These are countercultural truths that we have looked at yet They are not truths that have been unknown to those previously in church history. We pray that you would unite us with brothers and sisters both living in dead who have gone before and Followed your word.

We pray that we would be faithful in all these things in Jesus name. Amen.