TLP 454: Identifying a False Parent | False Parents, Part 2

Truth.Love.Parent.

Subscribe

Download

Share

00

00:01

No one's going to argue that a newly filled balloon that will not rise into the air is filled with helium

00:07

We can tell by the effects of gravity on the balloon what's inside the balloon now I want you to do a similar experiment with your life

00:15

Welcome to truth love parents where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents

00:23

Here's your host am Brewster Welcome back to the second episode in our false parents series

00:29

If you didn't catch our first episode Please do not listen to this one The first part of this series defines what a false parent is

00:36

And if you come into this show expecting that you and I have the same definition You'll likely be very confused and or annoyed on our last episode

00:43

I worked hard to define exactly what a false parent is according to God's Definitions from his Word and those of us who are returning to the show now should be ready to learn how to correctly identify

00:53

Parenting in us and other people But before we do that, will you please take a minute to rate and review this podcast?

01:00

We have a really good rating But there are some people who disagree with Christianity in general who took their opportunity to drag our rating down if you can give us a five -star rating

01:09

I'd invite you to do so sooner rather than later And if you can't please reach out to us at team TLP at truth.

01:15

Love parent comm and let us know why? We'd really appreciate that Lastly don't forget that you can download our free episode notes and read our free transcripts at truth

01:23

Love parent comm and there will be a link in the description and with that Let's learn how to identify false parenting lest we ourselves fall into the trap

01:33

From the outset though I do want to us all to know that this episode may be longer than usual and that's okay because it's filled with a ton

01:40

Of scripture and you can't have too much scripture I thought though in light of our last episode if I'm claiming to speak for God I need to be able to support my claims from his word

01:49

So if you choose to listen to this in two parts, that's not a problem I'm going to talk about nine main ways to identify a false parent

01:56

So perhaps you may want to pause the episode after number four or number five Okay for starters as we approach this topic

02:03

Our biggest need is to recognize that Jesus wants us to deal with the log in our own eyes before trying to deal with the splinter

02:09

In someone else's therefore, I'm going to suggest that we approach this study from a personal introspective direction before trying to gain ammunition

02:17

Against our spouses or friends Yes, this material will definitely help us identify other false parents

02:23

But we always need to start with our own hearts If it will help you our second TLP episode ever was called

02:29

Why is it always about me and it goes into much more detail about the reality that God wants to use everything in our lives

02:35

To sanctify us personally, you can find that link for that episode in the description So with that said we could have entitled this episode something like are you a false parent or how to know?

02:47

If you are a false parent, but I'm not sure how many people would have listened had I done that okay, now we need to ask what's the difference between defining and Identifying as an example, it's one thing to be told about the different kinds of honeybees

03:02

But given a selection of different breeds most people aren't going to be able to tell an Italian honeybee from a carniolan

03:09

You see they have the definition, but they can't make the identification I on the other hand can identify them pretty easily because I keep bees and I've looked at hundreds of thousands of both species

03:20

I also prefer carniolans over the Italian variety so I can spot those very easily and That's what we want to be able to do today

03:27

We want to go past the definition and discover what false parenting actually looks like in real life and to do so We need to allow the scripture to paint that picture for us

03:37

So we're gonna start with a quick review and then jump into the new material However, I do want to tell you that a lot of these different points overlap and they overlap because they're like concentric circles

03:47

They they or a Venn diagram, maybe they cross over each other in certain places But they're unique enough that we have to talk about them themselves

03:55

So obviously all of the things that are gonna follow are gonna fall under point number one false parents claim to speak for God but they don't in Jeremiah 14 14 we read then the

04:06

Lord said to me the prophets are prophesying falsehood in my name I have neither sent them nor command them nor spoken to them

04:14

They are prophesying to you a false vision divination futility and the deception of their own minds

04:20

This is precisely the problem with false parenting God has called all parents to bring our kids up in the discipline and instruction of the

04:28

Lord But false parenting substitutes God's message for another and generally from our own minds

04:34

And remember false parenting doesn't have to be intentional. We can easily do it accidentally Therefore we can't simply assume that because we think we're not deliberately leading our kids astray that we're not unintentionally

04:46

Leading them astray and that's why the rest of today's points are so important We need to compare our parenting to what

04:52

God says about false parents And that's why we have to start by dealing with number two false parents have wrong motivations

05:00

Now we've talked about this motivation thing so much But if you still haven't gone back to listen to the merest Christianity series

05:06

You really really need to that series helps us understand that our motivation is the most important thing about us

05:14

Why we do what we do is actually more important than what we do Yes What we do is very important and even if we have quote -unquote the right motivations and we do the wrong thing that doesn't make it

05:24

Okay, but trust me why we do what we do is actually more important I'll include a link to that series in the description of today's episode when you're ready to check that out

05:32

The point is we need to ask ourselves why we parent the way we do This can be a broad observation about our parenting trajectory in general or it can be our specific motivation in a unique parenting context

05:45

So what might a bad motivation be? Well in Isaiah 56 10 through 11 we read his watchmen are blind all of them know nothing

05:53

All of them are mute dogs unable to bark dreamers lying down who love to slumber and the dogs are greedy

06:00

They are not satisfied and they are shepherds who have no understanding They have all turned to their own way each one to his unjust gain to the last one

06:09

Come they say let us get wine and let us drink heavily of strong drink and tomorrow will be like today only more so Well here we see that false teachers a are turning in to their own way be pursuing personal gain and see seeking after their own pleasures

06:27

Every time we speak for self instead of God, we're seeking our own way and leaning on our own every understanding

06:35

Now most of us are probably not parenting for personal financial gain There are people out there who do that, but I believe we seek our own pleasures far too often in our parenting

06:45

For example, my kids are fighting and it's really annoying to me and I want them to stop so I shout down the hall Hey you to cut it out

06:52

Well, that was false parenting that statement clearly communicated to them we'd better stop because we're upsetting dad

06:58

But it shouldn't be about me Our children aren't commanded to obey their parents for their parents sake they're to obey their parents for God's sake

07:08

They're to obey their parents in the Lord My quote -unquote parenting in that moment had nothing to do with their responsibility to love and obey

07:16

God their motivation for their obedience Nothing like that and that's exactly the problem in Jeremiah 23 9 through 40 as for the prophets

07:24

My heart is broken within me all my bones tremble I have become like a drunken man even like a man overcome with wine because of the

07:32

Lord and because of his holy words Just as an explanation Jeremiah is explaining how the wickedness of the prophets is affecting him

07:38

It's like he can't even stand up straight and then he explains the root of the situation

07:44

Starting in verse 10 for the land is full of adulterers for both prophet and priests are polluted even in my house

07:50

I have found their wickedness declares the Lord The biblical picture of adultery is often used to describe

07:57

Idolatry God's people are cheating on him when they make their way more important than he is when they choose to worship something over him

08:05

When I parent for me, I'm cheating on God I'm being a false parent and I'm being wicked because I'm I'm choosing to follow my way instead of God's way

08:14

I'm putting my desires above his But you may ask what if I'm using the Bible to parent and what if I change my tone?

08:23

That's guaranteed to change my motivation, right? Yes, I could stick my head out of my room and say hey kids you're being selfish and not trying to serve others

08:31

Please be quiet so I can get my work done How could my motivation still be wrong? Well consider mark 7 6 and he said to them rightly did

08:40

Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites as it is written This people honors me with their lips

08:46

But their heart is far away from me. But in vain do they worship me teaching his doctrines the precepts of men

08:54

Our lips can frame the words our voices may adopt an acceptable tone and we can outline the passages

09:01

But that doesn't mean our hearts are truly in tune with God's Let's look at the passage in Isaiah that Jesus was quoting

09:08

Isaiah 29 13 reads Then the Lord said because this people draw near with their words and honor me with their lip service

09:15

But they remove their hearts far from me and their reverence for me consists of tradition learned by rote

09:22

Their reverence for me consists of tradition learned by rote

09:28

Our parenting absolutely has to be more than something we learned by rote It needs to be more than superficial applications of the parenting content.

09:36

We learned it needs to be more than a facade We have to have a God focused motivation at our core

09:43

If we parent for our own desires and wishes and wants and pleasures God actually commands his people to avoid us

09:51

Romans 16 17 through 18 says now I urge you brethren keep an eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances

09:57

Contrary to the teaching which you learned and turn away from them for such men are slaves not of our

10:04

Lord Christ But of their own appetites and by their smooth and flattering speech, they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting

10:11

Let's be honest. We far too often parent according to our own appetites

10:17

We want our kids to be or do or say or feel something So we do whatever it takes to get them to do what we want them to do

10:24

But that's not how we've learned Christ You need to seriously investigate your parental motivations the next time you teach or reprove your kids

10:34

Ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing and why you're doing it the way you're doing it Perhaps you will discover that you're being a false parent and again, let's be honest parenting like this isn't merely a simple mistake

10:46

Whether we mean to or not Parents who carelessly claim that God wants their kids to do certain things that are not clearly taught in Scripture should be identified as a false parent

10:57

Number three false parents are presumptuous Mary Webster defines presumptuous as overstepping due bounds or taking liberties

11:06

Basically a false parent puts words in God's mouth and that's never a good idea Now again, this sounds kind of like a repeat and it is but we're talking about identifying it in our own selves

11:15

If we're presumptuous, if we do not approach God's Word with due diligence and care making certain that we don't overstep our bounds

11:23

Or that making certain that we're not taking liberties if we have this attitude of oh, it'll be fine Or it's not that big of a deal

11:29

That's presumptuous and that presumptuousness needs to warn us that we are potentially being a false parent

11:36

Deuteronomy 4 to God says you shall not add to the word which I am commanding you nor take away from it that you may keep

11:42

The commandments of the Lord your God which I command you So have you ever told your kids that cleanliness is next to godliness?

11:49

Have you ever told them that God just wants them to be happy? Have you taught your kids that God is pleased by external obedience?

11:57

Well considered Deuteronomy 18 20 through 22, but the prophet who speaks a word presumptuously in my name

12:03

Which I have not commanded him to speak or which he speaks in the name of other gods that prophet shall die

12:09

You may say in your heart How will we know the word which the Lord has not spoken?

12:15

When a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord if the thing does not come about or come true That is the thing which the Lord has not spoken.

12:21

The prophet has spoken it presumptuously You shall not be afraid of him. If God hasn't said it.

12:26

We better not put those words in his mouth He there's nowhere in the scriptures as to say that cleanliness is next to godliness

12:33

That or that God just wants us to be happy or that he's pleased by external obedience

12:38

And I'm afraid that we presumptuously put words into God's mouth way more often than we think So if you look at your parenting and can't find actual

12:46

Bible to back it up You've likely been presumptuous. If you look at your parenting and you find an attitude of oh, it'll be okay

12:52

You're probably being presumptuous But the real issue that we've seen so far after what we've seen already is that number four false parents

13:02

Contradict the scriptures and isn't this what I said last time? How will we know that a prophet is false?

13:07

We'll know by comparing what he says to what God says if he contradicts the word He's a false prophet and the same goes for false parenting 2nd

13:16

Peter 2 1 talks about those who secretly introduced destructive heresies even denying the master who bought them referring to Christ and 2nd

13:24

Timothy 4 4 describes false teachers who Turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths

13:30

Of those who contradict scripture in 1st Timothy 6 3 through 4 Paul says if anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with Sound words those of our

13:39

Lord Jesus Christ and with the doctrine conforming to godliness He is conceited and understands nothing, but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words

13:49

In fact, Paul left Timothy in Ephesus specifically to instruct certain men not to teach strange doctrines nor to pay attention to myths and endless genealogies

13:59

Colossians 2 8 warns us see to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception According to the tradition of men according to the elementary principles of the world rather than according to Christ In Galatians 1 6 through 9

14:12

Paul exclaims I'm amazed that you are so quickly deserting him who called you by the grace of Christ for a different gospel

14:19

And then he says but even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel Contrary to what we have preached to you.

14:26

He is to be accursed as we have said before So I say again now if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what we received

14:33

He is to be accursed and in 2nd Corinthians 11 4 Paul uses some sanctified sarcasm when he warns for if one comes and preaches

14:41

Another Jesus whom we have not preached or you receive a different spirit Which you have not received or a different gospel, which you have not accepted you bear this beautifully

14:51

If what we're saying to our kids doesn't conform to the teachings of God We are false parents if we're not leading our kids to faithfully follow

14:58

Christ. We are false parents But what if you don't talk about God at all?

15:05

Well, let's use the previous example What if your kids are being unkind to each other and you step in by gently admonishing them to be nice because and here comes

15:12

The motivation no one will want to play with them if they can't learn to be nice Because that's how they would want to be treated

15:20

Well, see what you're saying is accurate it may be considered a good idea by some to treat someone a certain way because that's how you'd want to be treated or to treat them a certain way because They'll want to play with you if you're nice, but here's the problem.

15:33

You're using pragmatism to motivate your kids Pragmatism is the failure philosophy that claims that the ends justify the means

15:40

It argues that if how I parent gets my kids to do something quote -unquote good then what

15:46

I did was good Of course You can easily see the breakdown really quickly if my kids do what I say because I lock them in a box when they don't

15:53

Well now all of a sudden we're not okay with pragmatism But the real problem with this goes back to our motivation in the same way that parenting for my own pleasure is a sin against God my children are still sinning if they're nice to each other for their own pleasure

16:08

We deal with this idea Extensively in our children and security episode of the biggest parenting challenges

16:14

You will ever face series if my kids are nice simply to avoid Consequences or because they want their sibling to treat them well or because they hope that people will want to play with them

16:23

Their own pleasure and satisfaction and comfort are their motivation not

16:28

God Now if you're confused about this principle I strongly encourage you to listen to the

16:33

Mears Christianity series or the teach your children to obey series Both of those will step you through the biblical passages that unpacked this concept about why our motivation is so critically important Either way.

16:45

No, you can't say that parenting your children to do good things for godless reasons isn't contradicting scriptures

16:51

It is in fact Contradicting all of the passages that teach us that God should be the sole motivation and focus and reason for all that we do

16:59

Now, let's look at the flip side of this coin if our parenting isn't being informed by the Bible It's being informed by something or someone else

17:06

That's why it's important to observe that number five false parents get their authority from sources other than God Now it's very unlikely that you get your parenting advice from an astrological guidebook or by practicing spiritism

17:20

But some people do just that by the way However, Isaiah 8 to 19 through 22 reads when they say to you consult the mediums and the spiritists who whisper and mutter

17:29

Should not a people consult their God should they consult the dead on behalf of the living to the law and to the testimony

17:37

However, the real issue here is not that the Jews were consulting which is the issue was that they weren't consulting

17:43

God It doesn't really matter who the source of counsel is if it's not God For us in our modern -day context

17:50

It's probably more likely that you have gleaned some of your parenting wisdom quote -unquote from doctors Spock or Phil Or maybe you like to read secular parenting books and immerse yourself in pop psychology practices

18:01

This is why in Colossians 2 8 Paul warns us see to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception

18:08

According to the tradition of men according to the elementary principles of the world rather than according to Christ It doesn't matter if the teaching feels right or seems like it may work or experientially

18:21

I found that it quote -unquote works. It doesn't matter if it makes some kind of pragmatic sense Does it conform to God's Word?

18:29

I really don't care if the idea of a discipline less parenting sounds like a great idea

18:34

It contradicts God's Word and grows from elementary traditions of men It doesn't matter that worldly professionals have convinced the whole world that there's nothing more important for our kids than self -esteem

18:46

The idea is not biblical Now sometimes we fall into false parenting because we didn't realize that the popular parent guides of the day were contradicting

18:56

God But sometimes we actually pursue pop parenting precisely because we don't want to parent the way

19:02

God commands I know there are some of you out there listening to my voice You really like some of what

19:07

God has to say But when God's Word contradicts the worldly parenting advice that you like better you deliberately dismiss

19:14

God's Word But you don't really feel like you're doing a disservice to God because you make the claim that well things are different now

19:21

But as we already saw in 2nd Timothy 4 3 through 4 God describes his practice in this way

19:27

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but wanting to have their ears tickled

19:33

They will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires And will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths

19:43

But even though we may be tempted to get our parenting methods from the horoscope or from secular quote -unquote experts

19:48

I think the most dangerous category is when we take our parenting advice from people who are themselves false teachers

19:57

Galatians 1 gives us a picture of people who contradict God's Word because they ignorantly followed someone who claimed to speak for God But didn't this is why

20:05

Paul is so vehement that quote if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel Contrary to what we have preached to you.

20:12

You see what he says there Even if we come and say a different gospel He is to be accursed as we have said it before so I say again now it's so important He's gonna repeat it if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received.

20:26

He is to be accursed end quote Those of us who are serious about being biblically informed in our parenting

20:33

May turn on a podcast or purchase a book or watch a YouTube video from someone claiming to be a

20:38

Christian But if we're not being discerning and careful we may accidentally Accept their false teaching as truth

20:47

A false teacher may try to convince us that Psalm 13 13 through 14 teaches that God wants our kids to have good self -esteem

20:54

Psalm 13 13 through 14 is a very familiar passage It reads for you formed my inward parts you wove me in my mother's womb

21:02

I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made wonderful all your works and my soul knows it very well

21:09

And yes, there are professing Christians who believe that the world's definition of self -esteem is found in that passage

21:15

They take a passage that should drive our focus to God's beauty power majesty and love but instead it's twisted to make us feel good

21:22

Because we are wonderfully made This is exactly why Luke speaks so highly of the people who lived in Berea in Acts 17 11

21:31

He said now these were more noble -minded than those in Thessalonica for they received the word with great eagerness

21:38

Examining the scriptures daily to see whether these things were so the people in Thessalonica weren't doing this as much

21:45

They were just taking what they were being told but the people in Berea They received the words that they were hearing they were eager about it but they still examined the scriptures to see whether these things were so and First John 4 1 tells us do not believe every spirit but test the spirits to see whether they are from God Because many false prophets have gone out into the world

22:08

Listen my friends You have my full permission to pick apart. Absolutely everything that I say today before in the future

22:15

Seriously compare it to God's Word. Make sure I'm not misrepresenting what

22:21

God says Keep me accountable by making certain that I'm not claiming to speak for God and yet speaking my own wisdom instead

22:27

And if you discover that I am mishandling scripture, please let me know But I believe you'll find that what

22:33

I'm teaching is not inconsistent with the scriptures And that's why I'm quoting so much of it today so that you can see it all right there

22:39

But there are a lot and I mean a lot of false teachers out there who claim to speak for God But they patently are not and if we follow their advice, we too will become false teachers and false parents

22:53

Okay. So like I said earlier, we're about halfway through if you need to stop for any reason This may be the time to do it

22:59

But if you're gonna stick with us moving on when we do this when we jettison God's truth for the failure philosophies of others

23:06

We're relying on our own understanding and that's why number six false parents make it about their authority

23:13

Jeremiah 5 30 through 31 an appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land the prophets prophesy falsely and the

23:21

Priests rule on their own authority and my people love it. So but what will you do at the end of it?

23:29

I Mentioned the biggest parenting challenges you'll ever face series during the first half of this episode and I want to take a minute to clarify

23:35

One of the concepts we learned in that series if we take any of our parenting whatsoever

23:40

We can reverse -engineer it pretty easily to discover the root of it all if my parenting contradicts scripture

23:46

It's because consciously or subconsciously. I don't want to submit to God's authority If I don't want to submit to his authority because I believe

23:54

I can parent my kids on my own I believe in my own parenting autonomy And if I believe that I don't need anyone else to parent my kids

24:02

Well, because I have my own plan and I believe that my plan has been successful to one degree or another

24:08

I'm satisfied that I'm doing a good job By the way, let me take a quick rabbit trail here

24:15

This is why people don't look for parenting help until things go wrong As long as they're getting the outcome they desire most parents aren't interested in parenting advice

24:23

However, they look for help when they finally recognize that they've failed. Of course, they needed help a long time ago

24:30

But they're only just now figuring it out Anyway, as long as most parents are satisfied that their parenting is working they will continue using everything in their toolbox to parent the way they want and The very deepest root reason we do this has everything to do with our identity

24:46

Do we see ourselves as people who have this parenting thing down and don't need anyone else's input because we're sufficient in and of ourselves

24:53

To provide our own satisfaction or do we identify as sinners desperately in need of a Savior and spiritual weaklings?

25:00

Desperately in need of empowerment. Are we autonomous lords of our own domain or do we spear?

25:05

Are we spiritually destitute followers of Christ? How we identify will determine if we're true parents or false parents biblical parents or false parents

25:16

The Jeremiah 5 passage we just read pulls back all of the facade and shows us that false

25:21

Parenting always grows from the fact that we have decided that what we want and how we want it is as is all that matters in our parenting

25:29

Even our last point about deriving our parenting wisdom from secular authorities is still us flexing our own authority

25:35

Despite what God has to said about following people who contradict the scripture We have decided that we should follow those people even if we're leaning on their authority

25:44

It was our own authority that motivated us to do so Okay now

25:50

As we attempt to identify false parenting in our lives I recognize that these first points may have seemed a little more theoretical and less practical

25:57

I try to make them practical but I get it if they seemed more theoretical trust me They again, they weren't really theoretical, but I understand how motivations can be difficult to identify

26:08

However, regardless of how you felt about the first few points. These last ones will be more evidently practical

26:14

Number seven false parents don't expose sin and its roots This one should be pretty easy to spot in yours or someone else's parenting

26:23

Lamentations 2 14 says your prophets have seen for you false and foolish visions and they have not

26:29

Exposed your iniquity so as to restore you from captivity, but they have seen for you false and misleading oracles

26:36

God's Word is abundantly clear about sin It does a great job of defining it and identifying it and providing instructions to help us turn from it but we get into a lot of trouble when we say that something isn't a sin that God clearly calls a sin or when we

26:51

Call something a sin that God doesn't I alluded to this earlier in our discussion of self -esteem The world would very much like to contradict everything the

26:58

Bible says about sin They want us to believe that the only sin is believing in sin in the first place But that is clearly false teaching because it contradicts

27:06

God's Word So let me ask you in your parenting. Do you biblically deal with your kids sin and the roots of that sin?

27:13

In my previous example of my kids being unkind to each other It's easy to make my parenting about me if I can just get them to be quiet All will be right in the world

27:22

Of course, I can also admonish them to be kind to each other because that's what God wants and you know what? That's not really a bad start

27:28

But if all I do is point them to the desired behavior without ever addressing what's really wrong with the negative behavior

27:34

I'm doing them a huge disservice Now, I know that there are so -called experts out there who would have us believe that we should always talk about the positive behavior

27:44

We want to see and not talk about the negative behavior. We don't want to see but again, that's not biblical

27:49

In fact, as I mentioned earlier, it's actually damaging allow me to explain Let's say that I'm training you to be a soldier and there's this really pivotal step and firing the grenade launcher

27:59

But you don't want to do that step because you're convinced yourself that it's unnecessary and stupid

28:04

Well, if all I ever do is encourage you to remember the step without addressing the consequences of your wrong attitude

28:10

You're likely going to blow yourself up. I know it's an extreme example It's silly and hyperbolic

28:16

But the point is that our kids are in a spiritual war Satan wants to eat them alive and it's not good enough to encourage them to do right when they don't even understand

28:25

Why what they're doing is wrong This is why Jesus and the Sermon on the

28:31

Mount starts with sin We will never hunger and thirst after righteousness until we have a relationship with Christ But we won't be able to do that until we approach him meekly

28:40

But we're not going to do that until we've recognized that we're spiritually destitute and grieved to our core about that reality

28:49

No alcoholic is going to seek help until they realize they have a problem and no human is going to seek a

28:55

Savior until they Realize they're a sinner False parents rarely talk about sin and the roots of that sin and the consequences of that sin

29:03

So if your parenting avoids those discussions, you are a false parent But false parents aren't merely recognizable by their parenting believe it or not number eight false parents are recognizable by their whole life.

29:17

I Frequently said that there is no sin that doesn't affect our entire being You will never be an absolute angel in every other facet of your life completely glorifying

29:27

God But struggle with this one sin in this one area of your life If you have a preacher who seems to do a great job, but he never responds

29:35

Well when corrected by others you can be certain that sin has threaded itself through absolutely everything else.

29:42

He is and does a child who gets great grades and does his chores and is nice to his siblings and is a hard worker and Respectful and everything else but who has a habit of looking at pornography

29:52

You can be sure the root of that sin has infected everything else in his life This is why the bible is so robust about the lifestyles of false teachers

30:02

Now as we read these passages, please don't dismiss them because everything in the passage doesn't completely apply to you all equally

30:09

Okay, these lists are not an all or nothing In fact, if even one of the things on these lists is true of you

30:15

It may be an evidence of the fact that you have some false parenting problems and i'll illustrate this in a minute

30:22

Matthew 7 15 through 23 says beware of the false prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves

30:29

You will know them by their fruits Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles

30:35

Are they so every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit

30:40

A good tree cannot produce bad fruit nor can a bad tree produce good fruit Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

30:48

So then you will know them by their fruits And then comes the verses we've discussed so often not everyone who says to me lord lord will enter the kingdom of heaven

30:57

But he who does the will of my father who is in heaven will enter Many will say to me on that day lord lord

31:03

Did we not prophesy in your name and in your name cast out demons and in your name perform many miracles? And then

31:08

I will declare to them. I never knew you depart from me you who practice lawlessness

31:16

Okay, so what are these bad fruits what is this lawlessness? Matthew 24 11 through 12 reveals one important one

31:22

Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many because lawlessness is increased

31:28

Most people's love will grow cold. It's a correlation there lawlessness is increasing love growing cold

31:36

A loving parents are false prophets If you're having a hard time identifying your motivation and you use words that come from the scripture

31:44

But you have close friends and family who regularly question your love and compassion and care for your kids

31:51

You can probably mark it down that you frequently fall into false parenting And this is true.

31:56

Even if you're honestly believing that you desperately love your kids But you're unloving to everyone else in your life

32:03

That's not possible. You can't perfectly love your kids and then be unloving to everyone else You can't biblically love your children and unbiblically hate everyone else

32:12

Whatever it is that you think you feel for your kids is very likely motivated by the same sinful roots as the hatred you show

32:18

To everyone else and that basically just comes back to you What you want I want to feel this way toward my kids.

32:24

I want to feel this way toward them Moving on Luke 6 26 says woe to them when all men speak well of you

32:31

For their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way This ties back into our previous points about following the world if you're in lockstep with the world system

32:40

They will parade you they will applaud you But if the world is fully on board with your parenting, you can be certain that there are very false elements of your parenting

32:49

And then we have 2nd timothy 3 1 through 17, which includes a very long list Remember though any one of these character traits could likely reveal that you do slip into false parenting at least from time to time

33:00

But realize this that in the last days difficult times will come for men will be lovers of self lovers of money

33:08

Boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self -control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God Now that's bad enough as it is, but remember when

33:29

I said that we can be a false parent and not realize it Yeah, well the very next verse says that the same people from this list are holding to a form of godliness

33:39

Although they have denied its power This is a perfect summation of everything we've discussed so far

33:45

If you have an arrogance problem, it will come out in your parenting and that will result in false parenting

33:50

Even if nothing else it just simply affects your motivation If you are ungrateful, you will slip into false parenting.

33:57

If you are a gossip, you are a false parent But then Paul continues

34:03

For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins led on by various impulses always learning

34:11

And never able to come to the knowledge of the truth just as Janice and Jambres opposed Moses So these men also opposed the truth men of depraved mind rejected in regard to the faith

34:22

But they will not make further progress for their folly will be obvious to all just as Janice's and Jambres's folly was also

34:30

I read that last part because we have to recognize the exceedingly dangerous trajectory of sin

34:36

And there are so many other passages We could read that detail exactly how false teachers live and remember the idea is that a false teacher's false

34:44

Teaching will be revealed by the fruits of their entire life. Not just by the fruits of their teaching

34:49

I think this is where we get into a lot of trouble I think they're this is why a lot of men are in pulpits that shouldn't be there

34:54

Their preaching is good. Their counseling is good. Their discipleship is good. Their door -to -door is good Their their public ministry is good

35:01

But they are sinful very sinful big pride issues or a lie or whatever else in private they get angry a lot

35:09

That is going to affect Everything their preaching isn't good. Why because they're angry in private

35:15

Their door -to -door isn't glorifying God why because that same pride or arrogance or poor motivation that's manifesting itself in those private

35:23

Conflicts is winding itself through everything else in their lives. Same is true of you. Same is true of me It doesn't matter how good our teaching sounds we will be known by our lifestyle

35:34

You can identify false parenting in you and others simply by acknowledging consistent sin patterns in your life

35:40

Your unrepentant sins in any area of your life are going to fuel your false parenting every time

35:47

And this leads us to our final point and unfortunately this point may feel the most depressing

35:54

How can you tell which army has the most problems in their communication? Well, you can tell by which army lost the war which army has the most dead soldiers and which army's government was just overthrown

36:05

Remember how I said that most people don't look for parenting advice until it's too late Well number nine false parents experience the consequences of false parenting

36:14

If you're honestly having a hard time truly identifying in your life Any of the previous eight markers of a false parent that may mean one of two things

36:23

A you likely do a mostly great job parenting your kids for Christ Of course, you're not perfect, but you're doing a really good job by the grace of God and to the glory of God But B can also mean that you're so blind to your own problems that you're incapable of seeing your own false parenting

36:40

And trust me more people do this than you realize I have met with and counseled so many people who are clearly living in defiance to God's word

36:51

But they don't see it So this is what I say to those people Look at this like a science experiment

36:57

If a balloon flies into the sky it has helium in it If it falls to the ground it has oxygen in it

37:04

No one's going to argue that a newly filled balloon that will not rise into the air is filled with helium We can tell by the effects of gravity on the balloon what's inside So I want you to do a similar experiment with your life

37:16

You say you're living a life that pleases God if that's so Then your life should be filled with the outcomes and consequences of someone who's pleasing

37:24

God But if you look at your life and see the consequences that only come from sinning against God You need to accept that your balloon isn't filled with what you think it is

37:35

Here's the thing my friends If God gives you a conditional promise that he will provide when we do our part

37:41

He's not going to provide if we don't do our part In 2nd Corinthians 11 13 through 15

37:47

Paul says for such men are false apostles deceitful workers Disguising themselves as apostles of Christ No wonder for even satan disguises himself as an angel of light

37:57

Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness Whose end will be according to their deeds?

38:06

Does it matter how you disguise yourself? You cannot escape the consequences of being a false parent it will come

38:13

But what are those consequences? Well, we've already looked at a lot of them. We saw how God reacts to them

38:18

We've seen how the church is commanded to respond to them and we've seen a number of scary outcomes for the false teachers and their followers

38:24

Including coming to the understanding they were potentially never born again and being ushered into the lake of fire

38:30

But I want to drive this home just a little bit more What kind of consequences will there be in our lives that will reveal that we are false parents?

38:39

And for that I want to look at Jeremiah 23 9 through 40 If you're following along in Jeremiah, just know that i'm going to jump around a little bit

38:46

It says as for the prophets the land is full of adulterers For the land mourns because of the curse the pastures of the wilderness have dried up Their course also is evil and their might is not right for both prophet and priest are polluted

39:01

Even in my house. I have found their wickednesses declares the lord False parenting leads to mourning evil lack of spiritual power to do right and wickedness

39:10

If you lack joy in your parenting, you're probably a false parent as we saw earlier if you're doing evil

39:17

That's a clear one. But if you seem to lack spiritual power, it's just so hard to obey god

39:24

You're being a false parent Continuing on therefore their way will be like slippery paths to them

39:31

They will be driven away into the gloom and fall down in it for I will bring calamity upon them the year of their punishment declares the lord

39:38

Now I know there's a lot of potential subjectivity to this description What does it mean for your way to be like a slippery path?

39:45

Well, I believe the rest of the scriptures do a perfect job describing that My point is if you feel like you just can't make any headway in your parenting

39:51

It may be because you're doing a great job But your kids hate god and everything to do with him Or it may be because your false parenting is actually instilling in your kids the very things that make it hard to parent them

40:02

A perfect example of this is a false parent who makes their parenting all about their own expectations If you can parent according to your own desires, why can't your kids live according to theirs?

40:12

If you don't have to submit to god in your parenting, why do your kids have to submit to you? It's so easy for our false parenting to create a slippery path where we actually hand our kids all of the reasons

40:23

Not to listen to us But there are other consequences outlined in this passage

40:29

Starting up again in verse 13. Moreover among the prophets of samaria. I saw an offensive thing

40:34

They prophesied by baal and led my people astray Also among the prophets of jerusalem

40:39

I have seen a horrible thing the committing of adultery and walking in falsehood and they strengthened the hands of evildoers

40:45

So that no one has turned back from their wickedness All of them have become to me like sodom and their inhabitants like gemora

40:53

One of the consequences of false parenting is that intentionally or unintentionally we will actually encourage our kids to wrong

41:00

Again, i've already illustrated this in many ways But an all too common example would be telling our children to follow their hearts.

41:05

That is a horrible thing It's spiritual adultery. We should be following god's heart. Our hearts are wicked and deceitful

41:13

So whether you're prophesying for baal or for disney the consequences are going to be the same

41:19

Okay, now the next part continues like this i'm starting with verse 15 Therefore thus says the lord of hosts concerning the prophets behold

41:26

I am going to feed them wormwood and make them drink poisonous water For from the prophets of jerusalem pollution has gone forth into all the land

41:36

I understand how this one may be difficult to apply directly But the image I want us to have is that if we are false parents

41:41

We'll find ourselves in situations for which we'll receive no spiritual refreshment nourishment or empowerment

41:48

God is not going to empower us to sin against him Therefore if you feel like god is a million miles away and he's not listening to your prayers or giving you the promises

41:56

He's outlined in scriptures He's it may be because you are a false parent But there's another consequence of false parenting

42:05

And really the list just goes on and on But this particular consequence is that those who are doing their best to follow christ won't listen to you or they won't respect your advice

42:16

Verse 16 thus says the lord of hosts do not listen to the words of the prophets who are prophesying to you

42:22

They are leading you into futility. They speak a vision of their own imagination not from the mouth of the lord They keep saying to those who despise me

42:29

The lord has said you will have peace and as for everyone who walks in the stubbornness of his own heart They will say calamity will not come upon you

42:37

God doesn't want your kids The people in your small group or your friends to follow in your parenting footsteps if you are a false parent

42:45

If you tell people who are in sin that there will be no consequences for that sin. You're lying and no one should listen to you

42:52

So, let me ask you do you have mature believers who don't seem to want to take your advice when it comes to parenting

42:58

It could be that your older more spiritually mature children are having a hard time really submitting to your advice because it's simply not biblical

43:07

That's a consequence of being a false parent In verse 19 we read behold the storm of the lord has gone forth in wrath even a whirling tempest

43:17

It will swirl down on the head of the wicked The anger of the lord will not turn back until he has performed and carried out the purposes of his heart

43:23

In the last days, you will clearly understand it. I did not send these prophets, but they ran I did not speak to them

43:29

But they prophesied Now let's jump to verse 33 Now when this people or the prophet or priest asks you saying what is the oracle of the lord?

43:39

Then you shall say to them what oracle the lord declares I will abandon you Then as for the prophet or the priest or the people who say the oracle of the lord

43:47

I will bring punishment upon that man in his household Thus will each of you say to his neighbor and to his brother.

43:53

What has the lord answered or what has the lord spoken? For you will no longer remember the oracle of the lord because every man's own word will become the oracle

44:01

And you have perverted the words of the living god the lord of hosts our god Thus you will say to that prophet what has the lord answered you and what has the lord spoken?

44:09

For if you say the oracle of the lord surely thus says the lord because you have said this word the oracle of the lord

44:16

I have also sent to you saying you shall not say the oracle of the lord Therefore behold,

44:21

I will surely forget you and cast you away from my presence along with the city Which I gave you and your fathers.

44:27

I will put an everlasting reproach on you and an everlasting humiliation, which will not be forgotten

44:34

My friend if you are experiencing the wrath of god in your life You are a false parent Now as we come to a close

44:42

I have to be clear lest I become a false teacher myself That these specific applications of the unique blessings and curses for the old testament jews do not apply to new testament believers

44:52

In the same way We can't claim physical prosperity as a mark of being a follower of christ simply because god promised that to the jews

44:58

We also shouldn't think that the unique physical curses god spoke specifically against the ancient israelites will apply to us either

45:06

But the bible does paint a very clear picture of what it looks like for someone to experience the wrath of god

45:11

Romans 1 gives us a very scary picture of what it looks like to be the recipient of the wrath of god verse 18 says for the wrath of god is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth and unrighteousness

45:24

And then the passage exemplifies for us part of that wrath three times in the passage It explains how god will give those people up And what was the consequence of god giving them up?

45:34

Sin flourished more and more and more in their lives If you're in the middle of experiencing the wrath of god in your life, you likely won't see it

45:44

But for a moment step outside of yourself and look at the consequences in your life that are directly tied to your sin

45:50

Do you sneak pornography? If so, there are very real and tangible relational consequences in your marriage a trained biblical counselor could see it a mile away

46:00

Are you a liar? Then you are definitely feeling the pressure of the consequences in your life And god wants to use those consequences to open your eyes and bring you back to him

46:08

But if you continue to fight for your own way You will slide deeper and deeper into that sin and be swallowed up by the consequences of them

46:16

And then being a false parent may be the least of your concerns Chapter one of romans finishes like this and just as they did not see fit to acknowledge god any longer

46:25

God gave them over to a depraved mind to do those things which are not proper Being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, their gossips, slanderers, haters of god

46:37

Insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful

46:45

And although they know the ordinance of god that those who practice such things are worthy of death They not only do the same but also give hearty approval to those who practice them

46:56

Now praise god that his wrath is often postponed He gives grace and mercy to us to draw us to himself

47:02

But one day the full weight of his wrath will fall and all unbelievers no matter how spiritual they think they are

47:09

Will be eternally separated from god May we discover our sins and our false parenting and run back to god long before we find ourselves in that most desperate state

47:20

Now i've gone so long and i'm ready to conclude all of this and to finish up But here's just one more thing I want to say any time in scripture.

47:26

Well, god promises something beneficial Right, and we don't have that promise in our life.

47:31

It's because we're not doing our part If I don't have joy in the midst of trouble if I don't have peace and contentment and gratitude in the midst of difficult situations

47:41

It's because of the fact that I am sinning If i'm sinning i'm not going to get god's blessings in my life

47:47

And if i'm sinning and there's that thread throughout my life, it's going to affect my parenting So as we look at the consequences that are in our life both good and bad

47:56

Then we can easily see where we're sinning in our life And then we can easily know that that sin is going to affect our parenting one way or another so How will you identify false parenting in your life?

48:09

well False parents claim to speak for god, but they don't that means that they're presumptuously pursuing their own desires

48:15

And in so doing they contradict god's word as they root their parenting in worldly sources And they do this because they are their own parenting authority

48:23

What they want is all that matters and because of this they don't talk about sin from a biblical perspective And their whole life is a testament to their lawlessness

48:31

And in the most dire circumstances everyone, but they can easily see the numerous consequences of their false parenting flooding into their lives

48:39

That is how to identify a false parent Lord willing your false parenting isn't continual

48:46

Hopefully you like I slip into false parenting only from time to time as we give into self -worship

48:51

But also hopefully we eventually recognize our sin and fall on our faces before god and those against whom we've sinned and we confess apologize and repent

49:00

Hopefully that's the case But don't be self -assured Truly investigate your life and your parenting

49:07

Also, don't think that occasional false parenting isn't as bad as continual false parenting So you don't have to worry about it as much

49:13

My friends all false parenting is an abomination before god He hates it when people claim to speak for him, but contradict him in the process

49:21

He hates it when people add or subtract from his word and there will always be consequences when we do that Now I I've known very moral very spiritually minded very biblically knowledgeable people who very often parented well

49:35

But there were consistent areas in their lives where they were false parents. And here's the thing Sinful kids are far more interested in following the false parenting than they are the godly parenting

49:45

That means that a teaspoon of false parenting could influence your kids way more than a barrel of christ -honoring parenting

49:51

My point is that we must realize that any and all false parenting in our lives is a sin And that's why on our next episode we're going to talk about help for false parents

50:01

I hope you're looking forward to that as much as I am In the meantime Please share this episode on your favorite social media outlets and reach out to us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

50:10

Or give us a call at 828 -423 -0894 if you'd like individualized help for your own false parenting

50:18

Lastly, I hope you'll join us again Next time when we open god's word to discover how to parent our children for life and godliness to that end

50:25

We'll be discussing helping false parents Truth love parents is part of the evermind ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional