How to Make Your Child Mind Without Losing Yours! — George Verwer

Wanted me to bring a word of correction. We didn't bathe together. At the Mardi Gras outreach. Guys bathe at one time girls bathe at another. And anyway, that's what it's all about giving your own to a world.

Sharing the Gospel Amid Cultural Opposition

Many times we get intimidated when we see people. Drinking or smoking or cussing and seems like well, we're the weirdos. But yeah, we've got the answer and they are dying to hear the Word of God come from our mouths.

The Bible says creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. They're waiting eagerly for you and I. It's our duty to share the gospel. Spring break outreach is coming up April 5 through 12.

We believe that you're going to be involved with us on it all those who went with us to the Mardi Gras all those that are involved with us on a weekly outreach called the great snatch and Anyone that's never been involved in outreach before this would be a great boot camp for you to be involved in.

We'd love to see you part of it, but we'd like to see you also involved in the spiritual preparation that takes place. Every Wednesday up to the outreach. We have a special fast day. Well, we're fasting and believing God tearing down strongholds of the enemy.

Down a spring break right now. A lot of people already down there celebrating it and a lot of them are all worried about this thing called AIDS. And so the world is offering their solution to the thing called AIDS.

They've got a little stand set up on the sidewalk down there on the strip in Fort Lauderdale. They gives away free condoms. The girls are going around saying no gloves. No love. They're getting real bold.

They're saying yeah, we're sick. And what they need is an answer. It's not some gloves. It's not some condom. It's not something that will pacify them. But something that's so radical and his name is Jesus who will transform them and change them and make them what he wants them to be.

That's what we're going down to do. We're going down to share the love of Jesus Christ and we like you to join us on those fast days are listed out in Your update this evening. We're gonna have a tremendous time as hundreds of people come and join us from out of town.

And we're bleeding for hundreds of our people here and the local assembly to be involved. And yes adults. That means you too. But the Bible declares that you're first a Christian then a soul winner and Then whatever your occupation may be.

First the Christian then a soul winner then a teacher. First the Christian then a soul winner then a business administrator. First the Christian then a soul winner then a preacher. I run in so many men of God.

They said hey, man, I can't go on the streets. I'm told to preach and pray. Well bless your heart. God's called you to win the lost. God's called every individual to be an evangelist. And I'm tired of people getting tagged as evangelists and all they are is just people that come in and have a pep rally for Jesus.

A true evangelist is somebody that goes out and win souls for the Lord. Well, that's not my message this evening, but it's in my bones so I wanted to share it with you. Let's have a word of prayer and then I'm gonna share with you what I call one probably one the toughest messages and one of the hardest messages.

Raising and Correcting Problem Teenagers

For me to preach and one the toughest and the hardest for parents and young people to receive. Because the word is very strong in this area. This is not something that's easy to swallow. It's not something that's easy to administer.

We're gonna be talking tonight. Not only have I had to raise the child but how to deal with a problem teenager. We're gonna see how committed you are to raising that young person in the ways of the Lord, let's pray Heavenly Father tonight.

I believe in you. Just to totally possess me Lord. I don't want to be led by some of my preconceived ideas. I want to be led by the Spirit of the Lord. So I yield this this piece of clay to you right now.

And I ask you to shape me and mold me and make me be what you desire me to be. I yield these lips of clay to be used as the Oracle of God tonight. And God, I believe as I speak. That I will speak boldly as I ought to speak and that your word will give forth as a sword.

Piercing even the dividing us under the soul the spirit and the joints in the marrow rightly dividing the world of truth Into the lives of every individual that's gathered in this place this evening. I Pray Lord for radical change to take place in the lives of those that have gathered in this place and I claim salvation and I claim deliverance For those that need it.

And I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen. And they met before I begin. I want to share with you just a couple of things that I would recommend is reading That you might want to pick up our bookstore has these already.

I'll be making a few quotes from each one of these these are books that I would highly recommend on the subject of child rearing and Also how to deal with problem Situations. The first one is called God the rod and your child's bod By Larry Tom's act.

He's a minister. The gospel has been for several years has written many books. One of his recent recent books is called divine appointment. Tremendous brother from Washington DC. My favorite book of all which I'll be quoting from a lot this evening is a book that's called parents in pain By John white.

This brother is not only a born-again believer But also as a Christian psychologist and Provides some tremendous insights into things that you'll not find covered in any other book on the subject parents in pain by John white.

Familiar one the strong-willed child by dr. James Dobson. Dare to discipline by dr. James Dobson. Too big to spank by Jay Kessler. And then on the very last one parents and teenagers is a very thick book which deals with all types of different things.

Unraveling young people today not only in raising them But knowing how to deal with them on the aspect of being a counselor a tremendous book. Valuable insight. Tremendous counsel. Not only is Jay Kessler one of the authors.

But some 15 to 20 other authors contribute to the work there. And so I'll make this available to you at the end of the the service this evening. But we do have these already in the bookstore so that you can be able to pick those up if you would so desire.

But tonight we're ministering part to the message and in part one of the message we dealt basically with how to raise. How to train up a younger child. A lot of people say well. Why do you when you deal with young people and you deal with young adults?

Why do you deal and start out on the subject matter of how to raise a younger child? Well, we dealt primarily with those procedures because of this and listen very closely the reason for part one of this message was because 85 of your child's personality will be formed by the time that child is six years of age.

85 of your child's personality Will be formed by the time that that child reaches six years of age and after six years old all you try to do then. It's modify the other 15 of their personality. Those first six years are critical years and some of y 'all saying it's too late.

They passed those six years. I know that. Some of y 'all have younger ones. Some of our young people that have grown with us over the last five years are now married and now they're getting ready to have children.

They need to hear those things and not only that you're going to come in contact with friends and other associations with people of people that are be going to cry out when their child is one and two and three and four years of Age and you're gonna have to say begin to apply the measures of discipline now.

You will shake 85 of that child's life by the time that there's six years of age. God wants you to be a counselor. God wants you having an answer on how to deal on these subject matters. If you train your child adequately in the first six years.

You need not fear whom he will choose for his friends when he becomes a teenager. The problem is we let the first six years blow by so fast that we miss out on some of the most critical and crucial training areas in their life.

Dwayne I want you to punch the lights on over the platform and bring me up some more in the monitor. We as parents and tonight I'm gonna be dealing on both sides on areas where parents have failed. And areas where young people have failed.

The reason why I minister this message To the entire family is because if you come to me for counseling, this is exactly what you're going to hear from my lips. That parents like to blame their teenagers.

They like to blame their teenagers behavior on their peers. But this is not always The case a lot of times this is only an excuse to relieve their own personal guilt. You want to know how to develop a problem child?

Some of y 'all have problem children. I'm gonna tell you how they were developed. Listen to these 12 easy steps to make sure you have a problem child. Number one spoil him give him everything he wants if you can afford it.

Number two make all of his decisions for him since you're a lot older and wiser than he is. He might make mistakes and learn from them if you don't. Number three always bail him out of trouble. So he will be like you besides.

He might harm your reputation if he gets a police record never letting suffer the consequences of his own behavior. Number four never spank your child. Physical punishment is the thing of the past. In fact spanking is now considered immoral and it's even against the law in Sweden.

Which just happens to have the highest suicide rate in the entire world? Number five let your child express himself. Anyway, he feels like it. You'll learn from your example how to behave. He doesn't need any discipline.

Number six don't run his life. Let him run yours. Let him manipulate you and play on your guilt if he doesn't get his own way. Number seven don't enforce the household rules if there are any. That way you'll be able to choose which laws of society He will break when he gets older and he won't fear the consequences since he has never suffered any.

Number eight don't bother him with chores. Do all his chores for him. Then it can be irresponsible when he is older and always blame others when he has responsibilities don't get done, right? Number nine be sure to give in when he throws a temper tantrum.

He might get you if you don't. Don't ever cross him when he's angry. Number ten it will help you if you choose to believe his lies. You may even want to tell a few yourself. Number eleven criticize others openly and routinely so you will realize that he is better than anyone else.

Don't let him associate with those overly religious kids. He's too good for them. Number twelve giving a big allowance. Don't make him do anything for it. He may get the idea that I'll have to work for a living later on if you're making work for it.

If he does anything worthwhile around the house. Be sure to pay him richly for each and every good deed. You wouldn't want him to think that a feeling of responsibility Is its own reward. You want to develop a problem child by the tape and do those twelve things guarantee results.

Biblical Discipline and God as the Model Parent

But yet the Bible says whom the Lord loveth. He chastened it. God is your model parent. God is your example. And whoever you love the Bible declares that you should chasten. God has given you the authority over your child to become the bishop and the overseer of their souls and make sure that they are raised in the ways of the Lord.

And Loving correction is not easy. It is not simple. It's not something that just comes normally. It's very painful for both parties involved turning your Bibles to the book of Hebrews the book of Hebrews and in Hebrews the twelfth chapter.

Very familiar portion of scripture on discipline. I Want to read to you what it says in verse number 11. Hebrews chapter 12 and verse number 11. It says now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but grievous.

Nevertheless afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it in short of saying No discipline is pleasant at the present. Yet if you will apply that discipline as hard as it may be.

The end result is that it will yield a peaceful fruit of righteousness. You will cause that child to understand what it means to be righteous and live in the ways of the Lord but it's not easy. The sixth verse of that same chapter says for whom the Lord loves he chastens and scourges, you know that word scourge means a.

Scourge was a whip with many strings on the end with pieces of stone and piece of glass. That they used to whip people with. Well, that's used figuratively right here because the Lord doesn't physically beat us.

But it says for whom the Lord loveth he chastens and scourges every son whom he receives. We can't deal all the time with the spirit of a young man or young woman unless they are willing. But God has called us to inflict pain.

Some people say you're talking about child beating. You talking about? Abusing children no. But whom the father of a mother loves. They chase in that child. And training your child will often in the very beginning be forceful.

Especially if you've never disciplined your child today. Some parents think oh, well, I'm hearing this message. I'm gonna go home and instill godly discipline. My child will automatically submit. You got another thought coming bucko.

It may take time before he understands what it means to submit to godly discipline. It may be forceful at first. Yes, they will learn to submit the God-given authority if it is applied consistently. And if there is to be disciplined in your home, it will demand hard work.

It will demand exercise and it will demand that you be consistent. You must exercise your God-given authority. You are placed in that home to represent God's authority to your children and God will anoint you when you step out in the Authority in which he's given you.

You use your God-given authority. You teach obedience, but you cannot control the rate that it's learned. Listen to me. You're trying to teach that child obedience, but you cannot control the rate at which your child will learn that obedience.

And don't get frustrated if it doesn't seem like they don't change overnight. In fact, don't get frustrated if it doesn't look like they teach over years. And there's some of you parents out there. They said I spanked my child, but it don't work.

I've grounded my child, but it don't work. And you're at the point of giving up. Are you dedicated to that child for life? Jesus is dedicated for you for life. How long did it take before you surrendered your life to Christ?

Well, you were rebellious child. Do I dare say 15 20 25 30 years? But yet he was patient. But yet he loved you. But yet he still pronounced judgment upon your sin and you reap a lot of things that you sowed.

But he never gave up. He's committed to you for life. Till the day in which you turn your back totally and completely on him. He is committed to you. Till the day that you breathe your last breath. He is committed to you.

I challenge you tonight parents. Are you committed to your child enough to pay a price for years on end and go through hell in your household? Just see them one to Jesus. Now you don't know what you're talking about.

You never had a rebellious child like I've got. No, thank God, I don't know what you're talking about yet. But I know what God's Word says and I know he is the example of the Father and I know the result of rebellious children.

Years later's coming to the foot of the cross. Do you love him enough? Hebrews 12 verses 5 through 7 it says. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to son. My son do not despise the chastening of the Lord.

Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him for whom the Lord loves he chastens and scourges every son whom he receives. If you endure chastening God deals with you as sons. But what son is there whom the father does not chase in verse 8?

But if you are without chastening of which all have become partakers. Then you are illegitimate or some of your Bibles may say then you're a bastard. And not a son. If you don't instill the discipline of all.

Your children should not take lightly your correction When you speak to them. You listen to what I'm saying because I'm reading some of your mail. When you speak to them, they shouldn't say you kidding me.

You kidding me. You don't mean that. Let me tell you something children and. That includes young people. You're still a child. You'll always be your mom and dad's child. And you may hate it when you're 30 years old when they say come here, baby.

You're always their child. You're still living at home. You listen to me. Children should obey their parents in three ways. Number one willingly. They should willfully obey. Just like we choose to obey our father.

We will to obey him. Listen to the songs that we sing. I will adore you. I Will magnify the Lord. I will greatly rejoice. I will to serve the Lord. You should obey your parents willingly. Number two completely not half-heartedly.

God desires you to give your all to your parents and parents. You should expect that. Don't say well, he did half the job. I guess that's okay. No, you're breeding rebellion in them that you're going to pay for dearly at a later date.

They should obey you completely. And number three they should obey you immediately. I've seen more parents fail in this area. You write this next statement down. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Delayed obedience is Disobedience.

Some of y 'all ask your children to do something and they do it when they get good and ready. They are ruling you. You may say well, at least they're doing it. No, they are breeding rebellion within themselves.

They're saying I have no respect for your authority over me. You want me to do it now. I don't want to but I'll do it as soon as I get ready. That's iniquity. God wants that driven out of household. You should follow up your words with action and let your children know that your word is integrity.

That's why children are so disobedient and disrespectful today. Because nobody speaks with integrity any longer. When they speak it's not like they mean it. And you will build within those young people the ability to know when you mean it.

And when you don't. Sure, they might eventually obey. But that breeds rebellion. The Bible declares in Ecclesiastes the eighth chapter in the 11th verse listen to this. Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily.

Therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil. If you don't expect them to move. When you say move you are setting within them and breeding in their heart to do evil. And then what's your next statement.

Because they don't obey you immediately. If you don't do it, I'm gonna take my belt off and I'm gonna bust you. Listen to me don't ever threaten your child. It should never ever have to come to that point.

Don't ever threaten your child. Threatening a child teaches fear. Disciplining a child teaches respect. A child will respect you when you move immediately. Not like if you don't do this, they seen you shake that finger.

You've got no integrity in your words. You're not a threat to them. You're not big and bad in front of your friends. I've seen younger parents try to boast in front of other friends about what they're gonna do to their kid.

If they don't do it and that kid's sister and go who you kidding? You're not going to do nothing we're in public you're not going to embarrass yourself and much less you're not going to embarrass me. They might not say that but they're thinking it they're thinking it.

They know when they can get away with it and all threats do is just suppress rebellion. And after being suppressed for so long all of a sudden an explosion takes place. They hear your threat they hear your threat and they hear your threat.

And I'll send me. I ain't taking that anymore. Stop saying that and that's how come a lot of young people can rise up and point their fingers in their parents faces and threaten them. Because they know you're not going to do anything.

Are you listening my dad? Executed judgment upon me speedily. He wasn't born again. But yet he raised me in the ways of the Lord. Many times I heard him walking down that hall with the belt loops flapping as the belt slid through.

Many times did a crowd gather outside my window at five o 'clock. To listen as my dad executed judgment upon me speedily. I Feared my dad. I Respected him. I would never say the word hell. I would never say the word damn in front of him.

But yet my sister didn't fear him. And he never did execute judgment upon her speedily. And I see my sister many times stand up and cuss my dad out to his face. When I would tremble to even say the word hell why dad didn't execute the discipline upon her the same way he did on me and She knew she could stand up and dare him and he wouldn't do nothing.

Jesus never threatens you. Are you listening? The Bible says let your yay be yay and your nay be nay. I want to give just a word of advice to you that are raising younger children right now, too. Moms dads if your child commits an offense don't say when we get home I'm gonna bust you.

Oh when dad gets home, he's gonna bust you. Those little kids aren't gonna remember. And all of a sudden dad walks in the door mom goes she can't believe what the kid did today. He was a terror. In fact, I think he's got a demon.

I think you need to go deliver his soul from hell and Dad walks down the hall to this little kid. That's playing with his Tonka trunk and dad comes in and wails the fire out of him and the kid goes. What did I do?

He has forgot what he has done. If your child disobeys you in church a couple of weeks ago, my little girl disobeyed us in church. Teresa said I'm gonna discipline her when she gets home. I said no do it now.

She goes no, I don't want to do it. Now. I said then don't do it. You can refresh their memory, but they may not remember the experience the way that they need to remember it. And you need them to be to the point where you're not so proud that you just escort their little rear end to the men's room or the women's room and No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

In one of the books that I was reading The author made a pretty neat statement about this. He said this. If your pet dog wets on your carpet. You tell them that he is going to be punished several hours later when your husband gets home.

Of course not you get him with your hand or with the newspaper and put him outside the door. Well, it's just as useless to tell a child. His father will spank him several hours later for something that he just did.

Are you listening in Proverbs the 13th chapter turn with me there. Proverbs 13 in verse number 24 the Bible who says He who spares his rod or he would who withdraws discipline hates his son. But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

Now I'm reading from the New King Jim version. Discipline Tim promptly. If you don't demand respect when a child is young, you won't get any respect or deserve any. For that matter when your child gets into their 10 teens, but I want to make another statement.

That's really radical. Outward obedience is not enough just by him obeying you outwardly. It's not enough. God looks on the heart. So should we you can tell by the countenance? You can tell by their actions on whether they are obeying you the way the scripture teaches if they're counting and says I'm obeying you and they're not obeying you and Discipline needs to be administered.

So the Bible says God looks upon the heart not on the outward appearance of man. And it's a man thinketh in his heart. So is he you got to be sensitive as a parent to correct it? Completely not just outwardly.

But also be sensitive to know if he is submitting his spirit to your authority. You should stop all forms of rebellion whining. Pouting throwing tantrums and slam door reasons for your child to be disciplined immediately.

I'll guarantee you'll nip those things in the bud before they turn into major catastrophes if you'll deal with it in this measure. Some of y 'all just shake your head when they slam the door they go. Okay.

I'll stay home. Yeah. If they do that you walk in and say just now you proved to me that you needed to be disciplined. But now I'm going to discipline you for that rebellious spirit that you just let out.

And I'll cause them to think twice before they exercise that again. Are you listening? These are basic things, but I think we can see some of the things on our lives. What about in public. Don't compromise.

Don't make excuses. Don't say what we're in church. Or we're in the grocery store or things like this. Children will know where they can get over on you. You've got to be the bishop and the over to your their souls everywhere you go anytime that they're at your company and Parenting takes time.

It takes practice and it takes patience. Turn to Luke chapter 21. Luke chapter 21 Portions scripture that's often overlooked. Luke chapter 21 verse number 19. You are trying to bring your child's soul into subjection to the Spirit of God.

In Luke chapter 21 and verse 19, it says in your patience. Possess your soul in your patience. That's why James 1 and 4 says let patience have her perfect worked. Be patient. I Know it doesn't look like there's any outward change.

Be patient through your patience. You will possess their souls. People said it's like World War three man trying to drag my kid to church. I'd rather let him stay home than fighting. You don't care about his soul.

You don't care about his soul. You're saying go ahead and rule the house. Go ahead and make your own decision. Go ahead and lord it over me. This is the place they need to be where they sit there like a bump in the log.

That's what the devil wants you to think. They don't listen. They just act rebellious. Well, what are you doing about the rebellion? Okay, he's not actually values. He's sitting there. But he's not listening.

His spirit is awake his spirit is longing to hear the words of truth and it's what I call pounding evangelism. It's a way when the Spirit of God keeps chipping and chipping and chipping and Penetrating and penetrating and penetrating and penetrating till it bores a small hole direct to that heart.

In the water the Spirit of God begins to go through that hole. And hit the seed that God has given every man called the measure faith and that seed begins to be watered and when a seed gets watered it begins to grow and It begins to go through that hole and begins to break away all that hardness.

And all of a sudden you're hard rebellious kid that you had to fight for years to come to church. All of a sudden becomes a radical for Jesus Christ. I Can show you example after example of example of young people are sitting in this auditorium tonight.

And when I first came here, I wouldn't gave ten cents for they were the terrorist of the youth group. But we believe in discipline here. And we will not allow that child to disrupt the service. And if they destruct the service we will remove them from the service.

Do we care about him? Oh, yeah, we'll bring correction afterwards, but I'm not going to stop the service and bring correction. I'm willing to lose one member of my body in order to save the entire body.

The word goes forth and it keeps penetrating their lives. Some of your parents have looked at your children. You've seen the way that you've raised them and you felt like complete failures or this God.

Godly Parenting, Rebellion, and Relinquishment

He calls us To be to our children what he is to us in The book parents in pain by John White. There's a chapter called relinquishment and this is what it says. It follows that if God's greatest desire for his creatures have not always been fulfilled.

Our desires for our children may not always be fulfilled either. It is better that we aim at being godly parents, even though we may fail to produce perfect children. If God is with over rebellious humanity, then we at times may have to grieve over rebellious children.

As a child becomes an adult. We must be willing to let him or her reap the consequences of headstrong actions. Even though our own pain may be greater than the child. The things that I've told you in part one of this message and up to this point in this message are godly principles.

But did you know that? These principles are the will of the Lord. But Yet God's will is not always accomplished. God's not willing for any person to perish yet every day. Thousands of people enter eternity without Jesus.

Doesn't God's Word work. Hasn't he been the intercessor for this generation. Yes God's Word didn't return void either. The Bible says if they sow to the flesh they reap corruption. The Bible says if I train my child in the ways of the Lord when he's old will not depart from it.

It won't depart from him. He'll always know How to be righteous. They'll always know what you're saying is the truth. I've never met a person on the street yet. It doesn't believe that God is God and Jesus is Jesus, but I've met him where they wouldn't surrender to me.

They say I don't believe in that stuff. And after a few moments of just sharing the love of Christ they believe but yet they refuse to adhere To the godly love and discipline of the Word of God. God grieves over them.

There gonna be times when you're striving to be that godly parent. That's what God desires you to be but still. That child may still not come to the point where they need to be in Christ. You'll hurt.

But you know, you've applied the scripture to their lives and you know when you stand before God that you can say Lord I Raised them in your ways. I did all you've called me to do. Now I relinquish them into your hands into your charge.

Lord I paid the price even going through hell in my house. To the day in which my child left me. And God it hurts. I know how you feel with rebellious people now. The Bible says he's a high priest that he can be touched with the feelings of our infirmities.

He knows how you feel. He says don't give up. Many of you have looked at your child and said where did I go wrong? Granted you may have blown it but even perfect parenting doesn't guarantee perfect results.

Tremendous responsibility rests on the parent to discipline. But tremendous responsibility rests on the child to accept and obey discipline. Parents another area that I want to just caution in is beware of falsely accusing your child.

Verifying Accusations and Guarding Against Harmful Influences

Don't just take hearsay and pronounce judgment. God is a just God. He knew the ways of his people. He examined all their ways before he ever pronounced judgment. It just wasn't on hearsay. And being that he is our example in that area if we hear hearsay.

We better check out the validity of it before we execute judgment because if you execute discipline. Without being accurate and the information what you have. You will lose your child. A lot of young people with sufficient suspicious parents give up.

Parents that go. I know you're lying. Aren't you? No, sir. I'm not. I know you are. There's a lion spirit. Oh, yeah, I Saw you hanging with those people. I know you did drugs. No, sir. I didn't. I know you did.

Come on, we're gonna go take a drive past you just showed that kid. But you don't respect them if there is evidence to that. Check out the evidence. Make sure you are correct in your accusations. God doesn't falsely accuse us.

However parents, let me give you a word of advice be aware of what's going on in your child's life. Be aware of the people that they're hanging with. You have a right to assume that things out of the ordinary are going on if they're hanging with the wrong type of people.

If they're hanging around the type of people that are constantly doing drugs. That are constantly drinking that are constantly being involved in sexual activity. You have a right to assume that your child may be sucked into that type of activity.

Why they haven't been saved that wrong to be mr. Maturity in Christ. Most young people are not to the point where they're strong enough to go into filth by themselves and overcome. Most young people up to 25 years of age are still babes in Christ.

Be the strength and support of others before they go into a situation like that or they will be sucked into the same garbage. Parents, let me give you some good counsel from Ephesians 5 in verse 3 it names off a bunch of sins like fornication a bunch of other things and then says Don't even let these things be named among you.

Not only should we not be involved in these things, but don't even be tagged with it. Bible says that bad company will corrupt good character in 1st Corinthians 15 and 33. In Proverbs the 12th chapter 2 will be there and then I want to share with you a perfect example of this Proverbs chapter 12 Verse 26.