Be a Man - Part 3 — Ken Graves

He's drawing on me and my hands are busy right now.

Alright, you want to showdown? Ken, I'm calling you out, man. You ready? Alright, right here. Wait! There's another way to do this, Ken. Are you ready? I'm ready. God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son.

Jesus as Mediator and Source of Strength

There is one God and one mediator between God and man.

The man, Christ Jesus. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

What sort of things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report, if there's any virtue, any praise?

For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but power, love, and a sound mind. Jesus wept? Yeah!

I love that, Bob Coy. Ha! Yeah. That is a mighty man. Because might is not measured by the deepness of one's voice.

Anonymous! Ha ha ha ha. Oh. We thought that might happen. Ken, help not touch the Lord's anointed, Ken. Stupid!

The microphone engraves his body. You see this picture of physical strength with the vocal cords of... Go ahead, Ken. Your attention, please. No, I've always said that because God is the ultimate equalizer, when Ken gets to heaven, and when I get to heaven, there'll be a slight exchange.

Ken has enjoyed this body and this voice for all these years. When we get to heaven, he gets my body and my voice, and I get his body and his voice. So to give him a taste of heaven. Once again, Ken, share with us the word.

Ha ha ha ha. God has made men and women different. Different. Here's why. Voice. Keep my body a little while longer. Keep my voice a little longer. But Ken, just a little taste of heaven. Thank you. Thank you.

Marriage, Complementarity, and the Needs of Men and Women

Thank you. All right, you guys, we've only got a few minutes left. Let's, for just a few minutes, we... Because we really don't have the time to go into all of the differences between men and women. Consider that one thing is clear.

God wired a man different from how he wired a woman. That is in the soul. And the whole way of looking at things, the whole way of looking at the universe, the whole way of looking at life, that for man, it's all about war.

Everything is something to overcome, to conquer. God made you that way. You have one primary need as a man. That is, one primary need in your soul. A need that is met in the context of marriage. A need that is addressed by what God says to the woman.

God says to the woman in marriage, Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands. Why did God say that? He said that because that is how he wired the man. The man has got one primary need. One need that can be addressed within a godly marriage.

And that is to know that you are believed in. To know that you are indeed a hero to her. Now, certainly, all of that is used against you. Satan has brought sin into this picture. The whole design of God has been inverted.

Man is now living his life like he is material. His soul, his mind, will and emotion are consumed with that material side of him. That is the reality of the existence of most people. They live like animals, just obeying appetite and instinct.

And that good thing that God put in your heart, to want to be significant, to want to effect this spiritual war, that good thing is now used against you. And the desire no longer is just to be believed in, to be a hero to your wife, to your children, to be someone who effects that great conflict, but instead perverted its desire to be worshipped, to have power, to have power and own possessions and experience pleasure.

That is what makes the world go around. 1 John 2, 15 and 16. That whole thing is used against you. You don't want to just be believed in now, you want to be worshipped under the effects of sin. One primary need is addressed, the one primary need that God put in the heart of a woman.

It is addressed by what God says to the man. What does he say to the man? Husband, love your wife as Christ has loved the church. Ephesians chapter 5. Love your wife as Christ has loved the church and gave himself for her that he might present her to himself.

A glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy. The primary need of the woman, she doesn't have a great need to be a hero, a heroine. Her need is to know that she is loved, that she would be fought for.

And that, gentlemen, will continue to be a primary need that that woman has to the day that she dies, through every season of her life, to know that she is loved by her husband, to know that she is still being fought for, still being won.

That need is put there by God. God put that need there. Certainly you've seen it, you've seen insecurity in her. No matter how many times a day you tell her that you love her, she'll still ask you, do you really love me?

Living With a Wife According to Knowledge

1 Peter chapter 3 addresses this husband loving his wife issue by saying, you husbands, live with your wife. Live with your wife. Did you hear those words in 1 Peter 3? Live, dwell with her. That's something that you, by nature, under the effects of sin, will not do.

You live a separate life. You've got your separate space. You've got your car, you've got your garage. You've got your space. You have your activities. You can live another whole complete life, have another total existence, from the one that you share with her.

That's not the will of God. God wants you to live together with her, to becoming one. Live together with her according to knowledge. Live insightfully, 1 Peter chapter 3 says. Live according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as joint heirs together with you of the gift of life, so that your prayers are not hindered.

You've read that before, right? Oh, I wish we had time to really get into that. What is this weaker vessel thing, versus what are you? You and her, you're both vessels. You contain something, but she's the weaker vessel.

That doesn't mean inferior. That means much more delicate, easily broken, like that lead crystal champagne glass that maybe takes that place of honor in that hutch with the glass doors. It isn't the kind of thing you slide across the table, drink your milk from it, pound it down on the table.

It's different. She is more delicate, more easily broken, but equal indeed. Haven't you discovered you can hurt her without even trying to? And inevitably, when you do, and you're unaware that you didn't, you're in trouble also for not knowing.

Aren't you? That's why 1 Peter chapter 3 says you've got to live together with her according to knowledge. You've got to study some things. You've got to make her your study. You've got to study how did God design, how did God make this woman, because she's not just like you.

Thank God. She's different. She's made different. When you think about this, the primary need of the man and the primary need of the woman according to the design of God. You think about that. In light of the life of Abraham and Sarah, who are mentioned, by the way, in 1 Peter chapter 3.

Abraham, Sarah, and the Defining Test of Faith

Think about how many times he was not her hero. Rather than being her hero, he hid behind her. You know his story, right? Although, among the sweetest words in the scripture, Genesis 22 verse 1, where it says, Genesis 22 is the place where Abraham's life is going to come to its defining moment.

And he has had all of these years, a good 25, 26 years, of God proving his faithfulness to Abraham. Despite Abraham's cowardice, his weakness, lapses of faith, he's got a couple of victories and a whole lot more defeats.

And that 25 years between when God calls him, God makes the promise, and then when God fulfills the promise. You know his story, right? And I say to you men sitting here right now, the defining moment of your life is yet to come.

It hasn't come yet. Those words written of Abraham, and it came to pass after these things that God did test. What Abraham does in Genesis 22 is what Abraham will be known for forever. What Abraham does in Genesis 22 is what he is known for throughout the entire New Testament.

A man of faith. A man who believed God and was willing to give up everything. A man who believed God and it was credited unto him as righteousness. The defining moment of your life has not come. Whatever it was you dreamed about being when you were a little boy, you're not that yet.

But it's not over. God has been showing you things. God has been revealing his faithfulness to you. And the defining moment of your life is yet to come. It will come to pass after these things. All these things, all these learning experiences.

Your failures, your weakness, will have opportunity for God to show his strength, his greatness. Do you understand what I'm saying? Think of the weakness of Abraham. The foolishness. As a man, you want to be believed in.

You want to be the hero. You want to be the one who comes to the rescue. God made it this way. Because it was his desire that we should know him. That we would know that it's his desire to be our hero.

He provides for us in the relationship between man and woman, between husband and wife. God provides for us the reference points whereby we can understand something about what he wants for mankind. Are you following me?

He allows us to play the part of the initiator. The hero. You guys remember when you first met that woman? Those of you here who are married, you remember when you first met her? Remember how... You remember how you went out of your way to win her?

The courage you showed, the compassion you showed. Remember the presentation you made to her? That lie? And then after winning, see this is how we are, because we're all made for war. We fought that fight, we won that.

We won the woman, next battle. Move on to the next one. Quit daily winning her. You get too comfortable, way too familiar with that woman too, frankly. You and I can get way too comfortable. You no longer even close the door in the bathroom.

You know what I'm talking about? The day did come for me when I was walking from a restaurant door, date night with Jeanette. Walking from the door of that restaurant to the car in the parking lot. Every bodily function except liquid and solid took place.

From the door I'm like... This is just on the way to the car, I'm ashamed to say to you. Vapor, I was just, I was being myself. What I was being. I get all the way to the car and that precious bride of mine turned and looked at me and goes, the honeymoon is over, isn't it?

And I was so busted, the spirit of God spoke to me as he often does and said, you, son, were better at winning the waitress than you were winning this woman that you're supposed to lay your life down for.

You were more of a, you made a better presentation for that lady in there you don't even know than you did, you were more of a gentleman for her than you were for this one you're supposed to love. So busted was I.

And that day was a turning point in my relationship with her. And I returned to seeking to win her. I don't do that in her presence, so you know, just so you know. I mean, maybe you're different, maybe, maybe you think your wife thinks it's funny, but I bet if you checked, if you asked, you'd find out otherwise.

Enough about that. Primary need of the man is to know that he is a hero, that he has won that woman and that she still believes in him, that she's behind him. Now what about Abraham, man? He freaks out, he panics, leaves the land of promise, goes to Egypt, and there in Egypt, hides behind his wife, tell him I'm your brother, I'm your brother, right?

Because then they'll be nice to me. Well, what about her? She ends up in a harem. God himself has to come to her rescue because Abraham will not. Now is that what you think about? Is that the kind of man you want to be?

The kind of man that when danger comes, jumps behind your wife? Of course not. Abraham was that guy. God proved himself to Abraham strong. Think about this, you know, Sarah finally, you know what happens in Genesis 16, when she finally, she sees Abraham, he's out counting stars, he's longing for this promise, son, it ain't coming, she's taking it upon herself, maybe it's me.

And I guarantee you what was really going on is that she was thinking maybe Abraham thinks it's me. And so everything from a woman is a test. And if you don't know that, you failed already. Everything she comes to you with is a test and ultimately it has its root in, she wants to find out, do you really love her?

You know what I'm saying? She comes to Abraham, she says, Abraham, I'm thinking maybe it's me, you know, I'm old. Why don't you take my maiden, my maid servant, Hagar, and you know, she can be a surrogate mother, impregnate her, maybe that's how God wants to work this whole thing out.

Oh, brothers, was this not a test? And what did Abraham do? Did he fail this test or what? These tests, guys, there's a right answer and there's a wrong answer. When your wife says to you, and you say, honey, what's wrong?

And she goes, nothing. If you believe that, you're an idiot. If you accept that answer, she says, nothing, and you go, oh, good, okay. You have blown it, you failed the test. When scripture says, husband, live with your wife according to knowledge, that means you've got to figure some things out, son.

You have got to break the code. You have got to figure out these encrypted messages. When she says nothing, it doesn't mean nothing's wrong. It means already you're in trouble for not knowing. My wife, and I learned a long time ago, when I say, honey, what's wrong?

And she goes, nothing. What that actually means is, how bad do you want to know, caveman? Prove to me that you really care, keep asking. There's a right answer and a wrong answer when a wife comes to you and says, honey, do I look fat in this?

A question that you personally will never ask her, will you? Honey, do I look fat in this or what? I look bald in this? But she'll come to you concerned with how you see her and she'll say to you, honey, do I look fat in this?

And for this, there's a right answer and there is a wrong answer, isn't there? Wrong answer. I've seen fatter. Or, well, you know, hesitation. Wrong answer. Well, define fat. Another wrong answer. The only right answer you're going to give is, no, baby, you've got to be fat to look fat.

And I don't care if you are speaking of those things that are not as though they were. That is the right answer. Because it's all about, do you love me? Am I still desirable to you? That's what it's all about.

It's all a test. Sarah comes to Abraham with this test. Right answer would have been, no, Sarah, it's me and you, baby. No son at all. I don't want a son if I don't have a son with you. Wrong answer, which is what he gives.

Hey, you know, I was just thinking that. I think we're on to something here. That's a pretty good idea. You know, you're really insightful, Sarah. Way wrong answer in the world itself. The world at large still suffers the consequences of that failed test.

Does it not? Ramifications can be far-reaching. The cost can be great, you fail the test. Everything is this. But why did God give us this? Why did he put us here in this situation? Husband being as he is, wife being as she is.

Because it was the very plan of God that he reveals some things about himself to us and about the relationship that he wants to have with us. A relationship in which we, all of us he-men, are part of the bride.

We are the feminine, in a sense, that responds to the masculine. That he's the initiator and we are the responder. You guys are visually stimulated. You are sight-stimulated and it is the very design of God that you would be.

That you would see beauty, which, by the way, he designed. He made it. God invented woman. God made it this way. God is the one. He created that day in Genesis chapter 2 the mother of all babes. Every babe you've ever seen is just some distant, descended, de-evolved, sin-affected, inferior replica.

And we have seen some beauty in this world, have we not? We have seen women that have caused our breath to fail us. The power of that sight of beauty, the power of that is incredible, is it not? What did she look like, that first woman?

The one that all of these ladies descended from? What a babe, man, she must have been. But ultimately, you know the story well enough, in Genesis chapter 3, you know the sin came into that beautiful picture.

You know that the predator came in. I wish we had time to really discuss that. Where did he come from? We have a composite sketch of him as a being that said, I will, I will, five times, I will ascend!

Be like the Most High. Like Dave Hunt says, how many Most Highs can you have? I will be like the Most High. There's only one Most High, buddy. We have a composite sketch of the serpent in the garden who was one so glorious, apparently he's the original evolutionist, the original, he's the father of lies, the ultimate lie that he came up with is that he could ascend.

He deceived himself first, that he could ascend. In order for him to convince himself that he could ascend, don't you think he had to first convince himself that he was not created, but that he had somehow ascended to where he was?

That he had somehow or another evolved and that he could continue his evolution right up to taking the throne of God. This predator comes to the garden. God had given two commands to the man and to the woman.

Very simple. The command of God was, be fruitful and multiply. Be fruitful, Adam. Make babies, man. I've given you the tools to work with. Use them. Guarantee you, Adam was, yes sir, I'm on it. This was not a grievous command.

The law of God is so hard. Guarantee you, Adam was, my pleasure. Your Highness, your will is my command. Then they loved each other. But that other command was, don't eat that tree. Simple. The majority is to mean anything.

There has to be an alternative. For love to mean anything. You guys are, if you've ever had the dream of being stranded, plane crash, with some babe on an island. You know, you being you and all. And then in the dream, it's just you and her.

And after you have built her enough grass huts and enough fires, caught her enough fish, at some point or another she looks at you and goes, I love you. Could you actually believe that? It's just you, man.

It's just you and her. There is no alternative. That would mean nothing, said to you on the island. But if in fact you return to the mainland and the story is still the same, now that means something, doesn't it?

When a woman has actually responded to your love and chosen you and been won over by you, even though there are so many others, that means something. And so for choice to mean anything, for love to mean anything and for the freedom of will to mean anything, God gives the freedom of choice to every spiritual being he created.

He created the angels, spirits, yes, even the fallen angels are a higher form of life than man. Man is material and spirit is a lower form of life. There is a material universe, there is a spiritual universe and there is man right between the two.

A combination of both worlds. Unique. Satan comes. And I believe he struck where he could be effective. I don't have time to go into a whole lot of things but I'm going to tell you this. God called you to be the leader.

Male Leadership and the Fall

You, as a man, are called and equipped, wired and plumbed to be the leader. God called you to be the leader in the home. God called you to be the leader. Yes, the spiritual leader of your family. The pastor of your house.

God called you to be the leader. And God called you to be the leader in your community, in your church. You're called by God as men. You have inherited something. You understand that? You are equipped for it.

I am absolutely convinced of what the Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy chapter 2. Where he said, I do not allow women to teach or be in authority over the man. He's talking about within the church. But to be in submission.

And then he says, why? Just so you won't call that some cultural thing. That was for them there and then. It's for us here and now. Because he said, why? He said, because Adam was formed first and then Eve.

There is an order to God's creation. She was created to be his helper. Not the other way around. Adam was formed first and then Eve. And then there in 1 Timothy chapter 2, he says,. And Adam was not deceived.

But the woman being deceived was in transgression. You follow me on that? The man was not deceived. Wasn't deceived? Did they not both partake of the fruit, the forbidden fruit? Yes, they did. But he did it knowing exactly what he was doing.

Now, does that make it less wrong? Absolutely not. It seems to me it makes it more wrong. But the point that is being made, though subtly, is that there is a difference between Adam and Eve. Eve, being so much more feeling oriented, has that used against her by the serpent in the garden.

He creates a feeling. He manipulates her feelings. He brings her to the place of distrust. He creates this whole perspective of a God who is trying to keep her down. Selling her the same life that he bought from himself, that she, like him, could ascend.

Could ascend. You'll be as gods, knowing good and evil. This temptation appealed to every single level of her being, spirit, soul, and body. She partook of that fruit. She was deceived. The man took of the fruit.

He was not deceived. Now, what does that mean then? Well, how could he do it? Why did he do it? He wasn't deceived. What made him do this thing that damned us all? All of his children, all of us, messed up everything wrong with you, wrong because of what he did.

What made him do it? He loved her. He loved her more than the one who made her and gave her. He loved the creature more than creation. You see, it was idolatry. Like I said, you can't be too hard on him because you never saw her.

You've seen shadows. We have seen mere shadows. That he loved her. He loved her more than the one who made her. That was Adam's sin. And that has been the story of man ever since. Choosing creation over the creator.

Suddenly, aware of guilt. Adam and Eve are now naked, but now they're ashamed of their nakedness. Is that so hard to understand? Because God had only given them two commands, and immediately upon breaking the one command, the shame of their guilt is now centered on the very equipment that God gave them to reproduce, to fulfill that other command.

You understand that? Immediately, the shame of their guilt caused them to be very conscious of their nakedness. And to cover. That's never been done away with, by the way. You need to teach your son to pull his pants up.

Teach your son to yank those pants up. The tools still need to be covered. Still need to be put away. Pick your pants up. You cannot do the thing that God has called the man to do with one hand holding on to your crotch.

And there's a whole generation of young guys just trying to hang on to their pants, and they're always hanging on by their crotch. The whole culture, the whole fallen, disobedient, rebellious culture around us right now, especially the youth culture, is continuing to be more centered upon the equipment for reproduction.

Centered on it. Revealing it. More and more. All these young guys, all concerned about getting these abdominals, the six-pack. They're no longer concerned with actually the strength of the back to lift, to serve.

All of a sudden, just concerned about the looks. Got to have that abdominal. Got to have that six-pack, which is just directing everyone's attention down. You tell those boys to pull their pants up. And put their shirt on when there's a lady around.

Put the tools away until it's time to use them. And you use them the way God says use them in the context of marriage. You understand what I'm saying? Brothers, I think we need to call men... By the way, one of the things that doesn't exist, and I say this to every single young man in here right now, hear me on this.

One of the things that does not exist according to God, you listen to me now, is adolescence. It doesn't exist. According to the scripture, 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul said, When I was a child, I thought as a child I spoke like a child.

When I became a man, I put away childish things. When do you become a man? It's not a matter of chronology. It's when you finally put away childish things. You can be a boy and be 40. Still picking up your pants.

You put away childish things, that's when you become a man. And not until then. But there is nothing in between manhood and boyhood. You understand that? One day you're a boy, next day you're a man. Has a whole lot to do with the choices that you make.

Will you put away childish things? There are some of us who have continued to live as boys on up through our 20s and 30s, our 40s and 50s. Boys. God is calling us to be men. And to be a man, you have got to know the man.

It's all about who he is. So understand, the couple that were our parents were suddenly aware of their nakedness and did all they could do with their own efforts to cover their nakedness. You know the whole thing with the fig leaves?

Religion. That's what that is. Trying to, through human efforts, undo what was done by the effects of sin. Inadequate. They still knew they were naked. The fig leaves they clothed themselves with were not enough, nor were all of the leaves on all of the trees of the entire garden as they hide from God and from his voice.

But he called them. This God who is omniscient called them. Why did he call? Why does God who is omniscient ask questions like, Adam, where are you? Because he is inviting. As he still does. He doesn't indict.

He invites. God doesn't jump in your face and go, Ah, you did it, didn't you, you little punk? I knew you would. But instead, as he does with Adam, he invites confession. Adam, where are you? I hid. I hid.

I was afraid. I was naked. And I heard your voice and I hid. Who told you that you were naked? Have you partaken of the tree that I told you not to eat of? God knows. God knows everything. But he invites confession.

And I hear in Adam's answer, Confession. I hear in honesty. Some say they hear blame shifted. The woman you gave me. You gave her. Maybe that is the case. But I don't hear that. I hear him saying, She gave me.

The woman that you gave me to be with me. She gave me and I did eat. I hear a truth. I hear a confession of idolatry. God turns his attention to the woman and he asks her, What is this that you have done?

What have you done? And he invites the same confession. He invites, please tell me, what have you done? Not that he doesn't know, but he wants them to say it, to acknowledge just as it is with you and me, that God invites us to tell the truth about us to him.

Acknowledge that we are sinners. Agree with him that we are totally willful and disobedient. That we disobeyed. God turns his attention to the woman and says, What have you done? And she says, The serpent.

That serpent deceived me and I ate. That serpent beguiled me. And she could say that. The man couldn't say. It was true of her. She was lied to. Satan is still lying to women. She can say, The serpent deceived me and I did eat.

Please take note, God turns his attention to that serpent and he doesn't invite confession. He doesn't ask him, What is this you have done? Isn't there something you want to tell me? God turns his attention to that serpent and says, You.

He declares war. God declares war on that serpent. God says, You. You will be cursed. He pronounces a curse. You will be cursed above all the cattle, all creeping things on your belly. You will crawl all the days of your life.

You will eat the dust of the earth. And, Genesis 3 .15. I will put enmity between you and the woman. Satan struck the woman. God said, I will put enmity between you and the woman. Between your seed and her seed.

Interesting play on words, because the seed is in the man. God said, Her seed. Theologians call that the prothevangelium. That is the very first reference, the very first promise of the Savior. That is where the gospel started, right there.

In being proclaimed. In the curse that God pronounced upon Satan, upon that serpent. There is in it a promise. That someday a man. And it is very specific in the Hebrew language. That one day, one man.

One unique man. A man who is unlike any other man. One man who is a descendant of the woman. You know that is the very first and very subtle hint. One day a virgin would conceive. That a man would be born that would not be a descendant of Adam in the sense.

That you and I all are. As heirs of Adam's flaws. But a man would come into this world uniquely. That a virgin would conceive. Man I love Genesis 3 .15. Oh what a wonderful promise. In the midst of a horrible curse.

God is cursing the serpent. And at the same time saying, One day one man. A man. A man. A lower form of life. Yes according to Psalm 8. Man is made a little lower than the angels. Yes a little lower than the lowest angel.

This serpent was the highest angel. And God announces to him. That one day a man is going to crush your head. Or you will bruise his heel. But he will crush your head. God sends them out of the garden.

God banishes the man and the woman from Eden. But before he does. God sacrifices. Something bleeds and dies. For it is written that God gave them animal skins to wear. I believe it was a lamb. I believe God covered them.

God covered them. That sacrifice. The first thing that was killed. Was the very first sacrifice. Of many sacrifices that would speak of a future time. And a future sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice. Alright the time is short.

Christ’s Baptism and Victory in the Wilderness

Let me end with this. In your own mind right now. Go forward in time. Centuries. Go to another place. A barren place. So very unlike the garden of Eden. In your mind right now. Go to this wilderness of Judea.

Desert sandstone. Scorpions. Burning sun. And in this barren place. So far from Eden. There on the surface of the earth. Suspended between heaven and hell. Two beings meet. Two beings confront each other.

A showdown happens. You see centuries had come and gone. The years passed. The centuries passed. And there was no man. That could crush the head of this serpent. The serpent. Has held the world under his sway.

The wickedness of man. The sin of man. Fueled by the lust of the tempter. A lot of men came and went. A lot of prophets. A lot of sages. I mean there were some guys who certainly knew God. All of them had their flaws.

All of them came. All of them died and stayed dead. You got to know after a few thousand years. The serpent has come to believe. It ain't happening. None of these puny men are going to crush my head. Or the thought of it.

Until that one day. That the voice of God shook the earth. That one day. When the voice of God was heard. Like it had not been heard since it was speaking in Eden. The voice of God heard. On the earth.

In a way. That was as if God could not help but speak. Like he just ripped the sky open and had to say something. What did he say? This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased. This is my son. And the spirit of God is seen.

Visibly. Dove like. Descending. And resting upon the man. There in the water. Having been baptized by John. And immediately from that. And I guarantee you when those words were spoken by God. Every devil in the kingdom of hell shook.

I guarantee you. It sent a concussion wave through all of the kingdom of Satan. All the way around the world. There were devils that went what was the. What? That Satan himself tuned in and said what?

And immediately up out of the water. The spirit of God led that man. Lord. Out into the wilderness to this place. To this barren place. And for 40 days. 40 nights he doesn't eat. So picture it in your mind.