TLP 274: Why Your Family Has Ups and Downs

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Sometimes parenting is hard because our kids are hard. There seems to be no victories and no light at the end of the tunnel.

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But I think the vast majority struggle with a very different dynamic. We struggle with a spiritual ebb and flow.

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We could call it the spiritual tides. Welcome to Truth. Love. Parent.

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Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host,

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A .M. Brewster. If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, I hope you're enjoying the start of summer. And for all of our listeners in Australia, South America, and South Africa, I pray your winter is shaping up to be amazing.

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My name is Aaron Michael Brewster. My nuclear family consists of me, my wife, and my two kids, who at the time of this recording are nine and twelve.

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But every year, I also have the unique privilege of being house dad for up to eight teenage boys where I live and work at Victory Academy for Boys.

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So far, my wife and I have had the privilege of being surrogate parents for 43 boys. And we look forward to inviting another eight this fall.

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Please pray for us. Parenting that many at -risk teens for nine months, that just isn't easy.

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We would never be able to thrive here, obviously, if it weren't for God's sustaining grace. But then, I guess you kind of already know that.

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Sure, I might get eight troubled teens for nine months at a time year after year, but many of you have at least one, if not more, troublesome children in your home every day of every year.

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You don't even get a break. And that's why, really, we created this podcast. Truth Love Parent exists to serve

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God by equipping his people to parent the way he created them to parent. It's not easy, and we all need help.

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In fact, I'd argue that parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the universe, and in our own strength, is absolutely impossible.

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But we have God's Word, and he's given us the Bible to teach us, and reprove us, and correct us, and train us as we strive to do the same for our kids.

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Now, to be fair, I do not have all the answers, but God does. I'm along for this ride, just like you are.

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We're learning this together. I love the way Danielle recently put it. She said, Truth Love Parent is so practical, so applicable, and so encouraging because it is firmly based on God's truth in his

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Word. If I could spend the entire day reading the Bible and pouring myself into study of the Scripture, I would do it.

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But, since that is impossible, I've included listening to TLP to help me understand how to be a biblically -minded, training, premeditated parent concerned with what

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God wants of me and my family. It has revolutionized the way I parent because of the biblical knowledge that is being poured into me.

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I'm so humbled and grateful for what God is doing in my heart, and how he has used this awesome podcast.

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Thank you so much. Keep it up." And, from my perspective, it's because God is so awesome that I'm going to say there's no reason that you can't do what we're doing here.

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Sure, you may not write any books, or host a podcast, or speak at conferences, but you can influence a young parent.

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I'm not special in any particular way. I'm just taking God's Word and sharing it with you. You can do the same thing for somebody else.

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You can speak God's reassuring truth into the ear of someone we will likely never meet here at TLP. Or, perhaps, if I'm being honest,

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God would have you host a podcast. I never imagined I would be doing a parenting podcast, so who knows? So, thank you.

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Thank you for joining us, and subscribing, and sharing TLP with your friends. We desire to become the go -to place for all things

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Christian parenting. Now, we have a long way to go. That's true. This ministry is still very young, but it's been amazing to see what the

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Lord has allowed us to accomplish in just three short years. I hope you'll be with us through September when we celebrate our third anniversary, and perhaps the

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Lord would have you even partner with us. We're always looking for new volunteers to join Team TLP, new friends with whom we can talk and encourage one another on our

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Facebook group, and new patrons. Patrons are beautiful, amazing people who give financially to support

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TLP. We are a listener -supported ministry, so anytime one of you feels led to send some money via PayPal, it goes a long way to helping create these free parenting resources.

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I want to thank Ray and Carolyn in particular for making today's episode possible. They have faithfully given since the very beginning of TLP, and we love them so much.

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Thank you guys for investing in these families. You can learn more about how to become a patron, or just give a one -time gift by clicking on the five ways to support

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TLP link in the description of this episode. And, speaking of milestones, today we're starting our 11th season.

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At TruthLoveParent .com, we're compiling a list of all of our seasons and episodes for easy access.

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Now, we're a little under halfway there, but we will catch up one day. This podcast is evergreen, and I think the best way to listen to it is season by season from the beginning.

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So, if you're new to us, I encourage you to start at the beginning. Don't let the pressure of the new episodes overwhelm you.

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Just forget about them and work your way through the pilot season. Think of it as a masterclass, not just a cultural fad.

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Alright, that intro was a little longer than most, but I think it's important to kind of reintroduce the show from time to time.

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You never know who's going to stumble across us and when, and I remember Kara telling me that the first episode she heard was number 37, and it was just what she needed to hear.

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So, let's find out what we need to hear today. I started the intro talking a little bit about how challenging it is to parent, and today's show is about one of those challenges.

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Sometimes parenting is hard because our kids are hard. There seems to be no victories and no light at the end of the tunnel, and if you're in a situation like that,

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I really want to encourage you to reach out for help. The Lord wants His people living in community. We need each other, and parenting hard -hearted kids, especially when they're acting like zombie terrorists, is probably the hardest.

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But I think the vast majority struggle with a very different dynamic. We struggle with a spiritual ebb and flow.

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We could call it spiritual tides. I know in America, Independence Day is coming up, and I don't really plan to talk much about it, so much as to say that we do have previous episodes about Independence Day and your family, which

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I'll link in the description. But I do think the concept of independence plays very much into this discussion.

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But first, let me invite you to click on the link for our free episode notes at truthloveparent .com, and make sure that you follow us on your favorite social media platform so you can redeem your newsfeed with expertly curated parenting content for Christian parents.

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I know what it's like to get onto Twitter or Facebook or Instagram and just kind of be overwhelmed with all the negative. Let's redeem your newsfeeds by making certain that you have a focus there that can glorify

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God. All right, let me start by defining what I mean by spiritual tides. We'll talk about what causes them, both internally and externally, and then

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Lord willing, wrap up some helpful ways to respond to the tide. High tide and low tide affect the ocean as the water's pulled out of its bed by the moon and then later put back to sleep.

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I think the best biblical example of spiritual ebb and flow is the Israelites in the Old Testament. They spent hundreds and hundreds of years flip -flopping between repentance and rebellion.

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God would make a decree, they would obey for the most part, then they would slide away from him. He would send consequences and judges and prophets, and they would rebel even more.

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He would send even more consequences, and then finally they would repent. Now, I think that national example is a little different than what we see in our family.

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On a national level, I believe there were probably people who had rebelled against God and later repented, but I think much of the history involves the younger generation turning back to God after the older generation had rebelled and eventually died.

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And I do think that we see that in our families when we zoom out and look beyond our houses. Consider a family, maybe.

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There may have been very devout and Christ -honoring ancestors or extended family members who had children and grandchildren who rejected the

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Lord. Or maybe even a family of God -hating ancestors whose children feel deeply in love with the

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Lord. In those situations, I just have to praise God for his mercy and grace. It's absolutely nothing that we ever did.

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But you should take some time, by the way, as a follow -up to this to listen to episode 9 of our pilot season. It's called,

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It Only Takes a Generation to Die, and it deals with one half of this concept we're discussing today. That propensity for submissive parents to have rebellious kids.

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This would even happen in school. As a sixth -grade teacher, it seemed that I would have a class of angels one year and a class of reprobates the next.

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But then the next year would be back to being angels. Perhaps it was a perception thing, but often you can ask previous teachers and find that their experience was the same as that class moved up through the grades.

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My point is that I don't really want to focus on national or group tides. One generation, you know, penduluming to the opposite extreme in response to the choices of the previous.

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But I do want to zero in on the spiritual ebbing and flowing of the individuals in your family.

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Perhaps you have a son or a daughter or spouse or even have experienced it yourself a swing from spiritual vivacity to apathy.

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What was once on fire has since burned out. Let's talk about that and see what the scriptures have to say.

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Number one, a low spiritual tide is always the result of increased iniquity.

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If we're going to define a low tide as movement away from Christ towards self, then the biblical evidence for such a claim is overwhelming.

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If a low tide is movement away from light toward darkness, then sin will always play into it. 1

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Timothy 4, 1 -3 and Romans 1, 18 -22 are perfect examples of the degradation of sin.

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Of course, I believe the Romans passage is clearly talking about unsaved people, but like I said, it illustrates well the backward movement of iniquity.

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Now, a discussion like this is going to cause us to consider the idea of backsliding. Doesn't that sound exactly like that about which

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I'm talking? As the tide slips down, it's backsliding. Isaiah 57, 17 reads,

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And Jeremiah 8, 5 asks the question, why then has this people turned away into perpetual backsliding?

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Now, I'm going to unveil this concept piece by piece. Let me start by saying that I do believe it's accurate to say that this picture of a low spiritual tide could be compared to backsliding.

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But I also believe that there are a lot of wrong conclusions about backsliding. So we'll answer those as we go.

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It's also the reason I'm choosing not really to focus on the word backsliding because I think it has a lot of cultural understandings that don't apply to what

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I'm talking about for this low spiritual tide. So again, number one, a low spiritual tide is always the result of increased iniquity.

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If one of your family members has seemed to lose their passion and zeal for God, then something is taking his place.

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It could be as simple as that they have started doing the right things in the right way for the wrong reasons, like the church in Ephesus who had lost their first love.

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Simply selfish reasons may have just sneaked in and replaced God's glory. However, it could also be more aggressive, some other kind of sin that may have had time to grow.

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As a motivation turns away from God, it's not long before we're doing the right thing in the wrong ways or not doing the right thing at all.

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This is a time for parents to ask a great questions. Proverbs 25, the purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

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That decline in fervor and zeal is the fruit. Discovering the root and applying God's truth is the best way to address the decline, but we have to be paying attention and catch it at the beginning of the decline instead of the end if we really hope to nip it in the bud soon.

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Number two, a low spiritual tide is occasionally a sign of no spiritual life.

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The doctrine of backsliding or what some people call carnal Christianity is actually quite simple.

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Anyone can backslide, but an unbeliever will stay there. A true Christian will eventually accept

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God's discipline and repent every time. Matthew 7, 21 through 23 reveals that not everyone who says to Christ, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my

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Father who is in heaven. On that day, many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and cast out demons in your name and do many mighty works in your name?

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And then will I declare to them, I never knew you. Depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. And 1

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John 3, 4 through 10 reads, Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness.

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Sin is lawlessness. You know that he, speaking of Christ, appeared in order to take away sins, and in him there is no sin.

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No one who abides in him keeps on sinning. No one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him.

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Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous.

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Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the

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Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.

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By this it is evident who are the children of God and who are the children of the devil. Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother."

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And Jesus himself tells us in Matthew 18, 15 through 17, If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.

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If he listens to you, you've gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

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If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a

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Gentile and a tax collector. When he said as a Gentile or tax collector, he's referring to someone who's unsaved.

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Therefore, we see that a continual or elongated time of low tide is likely an indication of no true spiritual life.

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This means, number three, that a seemingly high spiritual tide may be the result of externalism.

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But Aaron, they fell into a low tide after a period of high tide. Doesn't that prove they were born again?

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Well, we have to acknowledge that this spiritual zeal about which we're talking is a subjective concept.

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And man can only look on the outward appearance. Only God sees the heart. Therefore, we may have been seeing something that looked genuinely spiritual when in fact it was self -motivated.

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Like the individuals in Matthew 7 who seemed to have an amazing spiritual resume, but who were unsaved. We talked about this in grand detail in our four children series.

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That series studies the only four responses to truth our children can have. If you haven't heard that series, you really need to check it out.

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Well, two of those four responses appear to have spiritual life on the outside. In fact, one of them is described as appearing to have very high spiritual tide.

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The Bible says they receive it with joy. But when confronted with hard biblical truth, a crash back to normality always follows.

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Neither of those individuals have any root and they're choked out by sin or scorched by the Son of God's Word, or both.

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All of this to say that we need to be perceptive, constantly ask the right questions, immerse ourselves in the scriptures, and not get lazy as parents.

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Do you remember how I talked about independence at the beginning of this episode? Many times our kids have a spiritual experience.

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Genuine or not, it doesn't really matter. And they do so well for a time that we stop parenting as intentionally and premeditatedly as we should.

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We kind of feel like everything's okay, so we stop putting as much work into it. Well, there are plenty of problems with that mentality, but one of them deals with the spiritual tides.

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If our child is doing well and we become passive in our parenting because, for some reason, we think that a 5 -year -old or a 15 -year -old is somehow capable of maturing in Christ all by themselves with no problems, then we detach and aren't as perceptive and our child falls into a low spiritual tide without us even noticing it.

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We need to be careful giving our children, quote -unquote, spiritual independence. The Bible is so full of one another passages because he created us to be dependent on him and others.

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I'm not saying you can't trust your child to have quality personal time with God, but I am saying that we need to be actively involved in their spiritual lives.

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We must never take it for granted. So, number one, a low spiritual tide is always the result of increased iniquity.

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Two, a low spiritual tide is occasionally a sign of no spiritual life. Three, a seemingly high spiritual tide may be the result of externalism.

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But four, a genuine high spiritual tide is always the result of the Holy Spirit. We must always remember that spiritual victory comes through Christ.

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It's not because our kids are so awesome, though they all are undoubtedly. It's not because we're amazing parents.

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It's because God is an amazing God. He's the one who gives life. He's the one who provides the power we need to grow in our sanctification.

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And he's the one who will one day glorify us and eradicate the sinful flesh. It's all about him. So when we're seeing an ebb and flow in our family, we must put our focus and faith where it belongs and perhaps we'll find that we too took our eyes off of Christ and need to redouble our time with him in prayer for our families.

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And lastly, number five, the Christian need not experience spiritual tides.

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Let me start by saying that we will ebb and flow. We will continually be plagued by sin and temptation as long as we're on this earth.

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But 1 Corinthians 10, 13 gloriously informs us that, quote, unquote.

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And he not only provides an escape on the front end of the temptation to escape the sin, he also provides an escape on the back end to prevent staying in sin.

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Hebrews 12, 6 through 11 reads, Then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

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Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the father of spirits and live?

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For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good that we may share his holiness.

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For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

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Unquote. God disciplines us because he loves us, just as disciple -making parents should discipline their kids because they love them.

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We want our child to move out of their spiritual apathy or lethargy and return again to the glorious joy and crown of rejoicing that is the life of Christ.

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David, after being caught in sin, repented and he prayed, Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.

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That's what we want for our kids. And when a genuine Christian is confronted biblically, they will repent at some point.

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It has to happen. There's no such thing as a carnal Christian who accepts the Lord and lives like the devil the rest of his life.

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I love what Ray Comfort said. It's those we erroneously call backsliders who fall away because they have never slid forward in the first place.

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An unrepentant backslider caught in the undertow of a spiritual low tide doesn't need to be persuaded to come back to God.

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They need to be challenged to run to Him for the first time. The ocean cannot help but ebb and flow with consistency, but the genuine

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Christian need not slip back into old habits and patterns of consistent sin. By the grace of God, we may fall seven times, but we'll get back up.

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So, in conclusion, if your child appears to be in a state of spiritual decline, they need to humble themselves, acknowledge their sin, repent, and do so in conformity to God's Word.

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And if we want to help our children stay in their spiritual high tide, we need to help them by participating in the most glorious stage of parenting, the training stage.

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In this stage, we keep them immersed in truth and provide the accountability and assistance needed to continue submitting to God and believing

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His Word that provides them the access they need to the Holy Spirit's power to continue growing in their conformity to Christ.

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You should totally check out a Parents 5 Job series which discusses the parenting stages in far more detail, but you should also listen to the two -part

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Teach Your Children to Apologize episode. That's an extremely important part of staying far away from any backsliding.

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Now, please share this episode with your friends and join us on our next episode when we revisit the change that we prayed would happen way back in January.

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This year, we've had a huge focus on how to change, and part of that process is re -evaluating where we are now.

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So, please join us for continuing change for your family as we study 2 Timothy 3. I don't know about you, but this all is just super exciting.

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God gives us answers for everything we encounter in life, even the ebbs and flows and the backsliding of our children, and I'm honored to be searching the

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Scriptures with you to be taught by Him. So, to that end, I'll see you next time. Truth.

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Love. Parents. is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.