Don't Tell Me What to Do! — Shane Idleman

If you have your Bibles handy, you can turn to Genesis 2. Genesis 2, 21, and Psalm chapter 1. The beginning of Psalm, Psalm chapter 1. I would give you one more, but 3 is a little difficult. So we'll put them up on the screen.

The message this morning, we just started a marriage series entitled, The Blessed Marriage. If you weren't here last week, go hear last week's message, because it helps to set the foundation. But the message this morning, are you ready to get a little controversial?

Just a little bit, right? Okay, here's the title. I'll just start with the title. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me what to do. And we all have a little bit of that DNA in us, don't we? Men too, come on.

More so than the women often. Don't tell me what to do. And here's my challenge in this series. Many marriages are going well. Some are abandoning their marriage and filing for divorce. Some are in turmoil.

And trying to hit on all aspects is a little difficult, unless you let God's Word come alive, and let God's Spirit do His work through us and in us. So that's my goal this morning, is to do that. I also want to encourage the broken.

He can rebuild your life. Many times we become broken and shattered, and instead of turning to God, we turn the other direction. But He can take that brokenness and begin to rebuild it into something wonderful that you never even thought possible.

And many times we look back on our broken times and we say, thank God for the broken road, right? That led me straight to you. And I don't know how He works that, but take your brokenness to Him. And I used to say something many years ago, and maybe I said it recently here, I can't remember, but that hunger is often a sign of health.

If you're hungry, you're healthy, right? More often than not. So the question is, are you hungry for a healthy marriage? Or are you bored and are you yawning? Because your hunger will determine how healthy you are in this area.

You should be hungry for a healthy marriage. And a Scripture that leaped out this week was Revelation 3 .2. Be watchful and strengthen the things which remain. Jesus is talking to the church in the first opening chapter there of Revelation.

He talks to seven different churches. And to one of the churches, He says, be watchful and strengthen the things which remain that are ready to die. For I have not found your works perfect before God.

So to be watchful. To see what areas we need improvement on and then to strengthen those areas. Now this is not written for marriages. This is a principle that can be applied though. It's written as a principle to strengthen those areas that are weak.

To watch out. Because we know, right? The enemy goes to and fro throughout the whole earth looking for those he wants to devour. But thank God, did you also know that the eyes of the Lord go to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are loyal to Him.

So you have God looking for those who are loyal to Him and you have the enemy looking for those who are not loyal to God and who open themselves up. And many times we open ourselves up in marriage to the attack and we are not watchful.

We are not prepared. We're not strengthening those things which remain. The imagery here I have for marriage is to strengthen. You know the areas that need strength and the foundation. And you have to be watchful and you have to purposely strengthen those areas.

And you have to do difficult things. I'm one of those guys that will tell you you have to do difficult things. Okay? The Christian walk is not a cake walk. It's not where we go running through the garden throwing flowers everywhere.

Every day. It's just this wonderful... That's coming later, right? That's coming later in heaven. Right now it can be hell. And I almost titled a sermon at marriage, Heaven or Hell. But it was a little too, you know, maybe difficult, might be a good book title someday.

But we can make it heaven or we can make it hell. And I also don't want to minimize, when I talk about this topic, I don't want to minimize the difficulty that some people are going through. They're in very difficult relationships.

They're in very difficult seasons of life. And I don't think we can just say, well pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with it. The Bible says just get on with it. And they're being abused, maybe physically, maybe verbally, maybe emotionally.

It's an ongoing battle. So I don't want to minimize that. So when I talk about a subject like that, many times people look at it as an overall approach to everything that's going on in their marriage.

For example, we're going to talk about the role of men and women. And within that though, comes different situations. How I would counsel one person in this area might be different than how I would counsel another person in this area.

Now God's Word is still true. The principles are still true. But sometimes people need to flee difficult situations versus embracing them. So it all depends on what a person is going through. So don't tell me what to do is in our DNA.

Let's just get that out front, right? Do you like people telling you what to do? No. Everybody should be doing this. If you're not, I know you're just being a little bit dishonest there. We don't like to be challenged.

We don't want to having people tell us what we should do. So let's look at the role of men and women. Genesis 2, 21. We are going to get a little bit controversial, if that's okay. And you're not going to see a lot of these scriptures in churches.

And many times we don't want to talk about difficult things. We'll kind of avoid the difficult things that are going to upset people. But really God's Word is here to help, not to hurt. But sometimes it hurts before it can help.

It hits the heart. Genesis 2, 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam. And he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into woman.

And he brought her to the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of the man. Therefore, a man shall leave, which is forsake dependence upon, let go from his mother and his father and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

Something I want you to note here is Adam said, now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. See, this is an imagery of equality. That's what we sometimes forget in the church. Conservative churches sometimes are branded as male chauvinistic churches and male domination.

And that's really not the case. You look at the Bible as equality. In God's eyes, men and women are equal. They're equal spiritually. There's no Jew, Gentile, male, female. They're equal. But then God designs us differently to perform the role he has given us.

So that's the concept here. Adam says, this is flesh of me. This is bone of bone, flesh of my flesh. We are one. We are coming together as one and the two become one flesh. And that's the design there.

So from the get-go, we see that this is not a bad thing. And just as a side note, just for fun, men do not have one less rib than women. I went on a lot of medical sites and I couldn't find where men have one less rib than women.

So people say, well, see, the Bible's not true there. Well, actually, the rib can grow back. It's one of the areas of the body where the rib can grow back and there's no deficiency in Scripture here. So let's get a little controversy.

Are you ready? You guys, are you sure you're ready for this one? 1 Corinthians 11 .8. 1 Corinthians 11 .8. Also, I hear some beeping over here. It might be somebody's alarm. Oh, it just turned off. That was a coincidence.

1 Corinthians 11 .8. For man is not from woman. I hear people turning. That's a good sound. 1 Corinthians 11 .8. And on that note, I would encourage you to get through the Bible once a year. If you just read it 20 minutes a day, you'll get through the Bible once a year and you'll begin to understand the nature of God and the character of God and these things that seem difficult are not difficult.

For man is not from woman, but woman is from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man. So, people have this imagery here that, well, you're just created for me. You can, you know, rub my feet, bring me olives and some wine.

And you're my servant. That's not what this is. This is a help meet. That God has created the woman to help to come alongside and to complement the man in the areas he is weak in. Do you know we have another helper?

The Holy Spirit. I will give you another helper. Now, I'm not saying that women and the Holy Spirit are the same, right? Sometimes they are, though, right? The woman wants to be the Holy Spirit and the man wants to be the Holy Spirit.

But my point of all that was, let me bring it back, the woman is given as a help to help complement the man. The Holy Spirit is given as a help to help us through our faith. See, we need help. So how this becomes a message of male domination is a surprise to me.

Because it's really a message of humility. Right? I need help. We need help. We work together. The strong points of what God has created and designed women and the strong points of God designed and created men come together.

They become one. It's like one body, right? But in your opinion, what's more important, the head or the heart? Remove either and you are dead, right? So you can't have two heads. See, not better than, not lording over, but the head to think, to process, to look, to view, to take the body where it needs to go.

The heart to keep the blood pumping, to keep the toxins removed to the liver and the kidney and all these things. And you need, so that's what the male-female relationship is. It's coming together, complementing each other.

The head does what it needs to do. The other areas of the body need what they need to do and they work together. So that's why, but that's why there's a little, the ESV actually says a helper fit for him.

Somebody fit for what his needs are. But people take the scripture and say, see, you're created for me. See, I'm in charge. You're not. And that's not what it means. That's actually you telling God, I don't want someone telling me to do.

That being God. Because as the man leads, the woman wants to follow that leadership. So let's read Genesis 3 .16. Just another aspect here. To the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrows and your conception.

In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Can I go now? We can start worship and I'll see you next week. Again, problem. What do you think of when you think of the word rule?

A king, right? Sitting down on his throne with the, it's hot out. Keep me cool. Go get me some grape juice or some wine for some of you. And you know, just this waiting on. But actually the word in the Hebrew, if you look up rule, it's Marshall.

M-A-R-S-H-A-L. It means to lead or to take responsibility for. So God is saying the man is going to take responsibility for the family and lead the family to be the head and to go before the family.

See, not rule over as in domination. Now the word, the root meaning can also govern, you know, to be the lead in certain areas. But the idea there is to take responsibility for. See, somebody, what about, one thing I hate about our culture now is nobody takes responsibility for anything.

Right? Everybody's excuse driven. I mean, look at how, well, I won't even get into the national anthem thing. That's just, don't get me started. Don't get me started. But we just, we don't want to take responsibility for.

No, it's his response. And if you have two people, who's responsible? Who's the responsible party? Who's God? Is God going to look at what person to lead the family? You can't have two heads. You can't have two areas of leadership.

And the word that sometimes people get confused with is submission. And looking up that word again too, it gives this picture of yielding. You ever come to a stop sign and you yield to the person on your right, hopefully, you yield to that.

So it's not a word of becoming like a doormat and being stepped on and controlled and beaten up physically or verbally or emotionally. That's not submission. Submission is you're yielding to how God created the husband.

I like what Beth Moore said. Submission for the woman is ducking so that God can hit your husband. That's pretty good. Submission is just, you know, bam. And you're submitting to and letting God deal in that area.

And the reason is, I mean, let's just be honest for a minute. I know there's... Well, we are always being honest. I shouldn't have said it that way. But let's take a minute and reframe this. I mean, I don't know too many...

I mean, most of us want somebody else to take responsibility. Most of us let you lead. So if a man is truly following the Lord and wants what's best, most people want to follow that. Let me follow that.

The problem is man has so messed up the design of how God has created us that they don't want to follow. Because they don't like the Christ they see in us because we're not following God's standard. We're causing division in the family.

We're hurting the family. We're allowing things into the home that shouldn't be there. So it's hard to lead somebody who's not following Christ. Or it's hard to follow somebody who's not following Christ.

That's where the problem comes in. So men, if you're using submission as a weapon, you are in the wrong. It's not a point of you need to do what I say. If what you say goes against Scripture, if what you say is illegal, if what you say is coming from a condescending, arrogant, manipulative heart, they don't need to submit to that type of leadership.

See, the whole role is man, you lead, and woman, follow that leadership. Complimenting each other. Not to be lorded over, but to be lovingly led. Our homes are not to be lorded over, but lovingly led.

Not to be bossed around while orders are barked, but to compliment one another. Not to be a doormat, but a helpmate. And my heart for this is so many people will say, look, here's what the Bible says.

You need to do what I said. If you ever need to say that, you're already on the wrong page. It should come from who you are. Your character in wanting to follow Christ. We don't use the Bible to beat people up.

You don't use the Word of God as a weapon, unless you use it as a knife. A surgeon uses a knife and so does a thief. One to harm, the other to help. But the Bible is not a weapon to throw at your family.

Submit, submit, submit. And your teenager's having a hard day, you just go and throw the Bible. Respect your parents, read that. It's not gonna work. It's not how God designed it. So I'll role-play for a minute with you what I do sometimes.

All areas, finances, schooling, our calendar, our time. We'll sit down, we'll talk about it. Here's where we're at with the finances and what do you think? And the man should be making financial decisions that line up with Scripture.

When the man's not making financial decisions that line up with Scripture, when he's, let's take our check to Vegas. No, no. See, it's hard to submit to a man who's not submitting to God. That's the problem.

But you sit down, we talk about finances. So it's not that I'm gonna make these decisions, I don't care what you say. It's getting input. And often we're gonna say, whatever you wanna do, make the decision.

It's you and God. Decisions on paying off a house early if we can or a vehicle early or these things or the kids or schooling or more time with them or our calendars and check. And we work together and we compliment.

But you can't have two people doing the same thing. One of them has to take responsibility for the decisions the family is making. So if the house isn't being paid and it's going to foreclosure, you can't say, you know, the man takes responsibility.

If the yard looks like a mess, the man takes responsibility. If the kids aren't in church and they've got a spirit of rebellion and they're not, the man has to take responsibility to rule over taking that area of responsibility.

1 Timothy 2. I think we have it on the screen. 1 Timothy 2 .18. Don't worry. We haven't stopped getting controversial. It gets worse. In the eyes of some, right? 1 Timothy 2 .8. I desire therefore that men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands without wrath and doubting.

So as we get into this, as we keep reading a little bit, I want you to look, always look at Scripture as a context. We often see the chapter and the verse, we just skip ahead to it. It wasn't written with chapters and verses.

It was written as a letter to the church. So you have to read the context. So Paul is writing to Timothy, a letter to the churches. My desire is that men everywhere pray, lifting up holy hands without wrath and doubting.

So you have this picture of a man who's lifting up holy hands. He's leading in worship. He's not a man driven by anger, and he's not a man doubting, tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine. Let's do this.

Let's get our money invested in this. Let's get this. And he's ruining the family or ruining his life by going back and forth and doubting. So you have this imagery of a man worshiping God, making good decisions based on integrity.

So that's the context. And then let's read some more. In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel. Hmm. How long you want me to stay there? So you have the image of the man doing this and the woman adorning herself in modest apparel, meaning dressing modestly.

I knew that was going to be a tongue twister. With propriety. Boy, they're trying to get me on this one. What's propriety? Conforming to what is accepted by God. So when you get dressed, you say, if I were going to meet Jesus, would I wear this?

That's a good place to start. And moderation. Not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but which is proper for women professing godliness with good works. So you have the man leading in this area, and then you have the woman who is dressing modestly.

Because what it does, dressing actually sends a message. Right? Sometimes it's sad because the person is starving for attention and affection. So it's dressing in such a way so they receive that affection.

So it's often an issue of the heart. And people say, well, it's not my problem. If a man can't control himself, that's his problem. Well, that works both ways. He has a responsibility, but so do you. He has a responsibility to not, now I'm not talking about a married couple now, right?

Because it's a good thing to entice your spouse. But talking about being, he's talking about here being modest apparel. What you, how you dress sends a message about who you are, what you stand for. It shouldn't be the $4 ,000 suits, you know, for men up here and women.

Like I just, I found this at Macy's for $562. You know, and you've got $4 ,000 on you. And a funny story I heard, I got to remember this one. The, a lady came home, spent all this stuff on clothing. And she said, you're not going to believe this.

I saved $1 ,000. Look at all that. Markdown, Ross, you know, all these, where's the other places? TJ Maxx, whatever. Look at all, I saved $1 ,000. And he said, no, you spent $1 ,000. See, all this stuff was normally $4 ,000, but I got it all for $1 ,000.

I saved, actually I saved $3 ,000, right? No, I spent $1 ,000. You still spent $1 ,000. But we can get trapped in this thing of, especially his clothes, and modesty, and dressing, and our appearance. And so he says, here, women, dress in modest apparel.

What is acceptable to God? Now, most of us know, right? We know. If you have to say, is this too tight? Is this too low? Now, I'm just throwing out there, right? Radio listeners, listen, not this crowd, of course.

But, if you have to ask, that might tell you something right there. Always err on the side of modesty. God will reward that. It's a reflection of your heart. Are you drawing attention to yourself, or to God?

Don't tell me what to do, in this area. Now, here's an excuse I often hear, but Shane, that was a culture about, with women back then, and can you see the Middle East now? You know, it's all about the culture.

Not, it doesn't apply now, but the Bible's not talking about the culture, it's talking about creation. How God created them, to complement each other. Verse 11, we are going to go into uncharted territory.

Are you ready? Just read the first sentence there. It's in the Bible. What do you, to me, it's not, people like take something, and then they just put, attach TNT to it, and explode it, and make it something it's not.

So, Paul's in the church. He's talking to Timothy. Here's your men lifting up holy hands, not without, doubting, without anger. Your women adorn themselves, in moderation, and decency, and so, that's the image, and then he goes right into, let a woman learn, in silence, with all submission.

So, that tells me, she's trying to learn, inside the church. So, she's probably asking, questions maybe, she's probably disruptive. It's like, hold on, I'm not, hold on, I'll get to you later. You know, it's this disruptive environment.

At least, that's what the context, seems to support. That the woman, if she has questions, just wait, until afterwards. Learn in silence. Submit to, to what's being said, and ask questions later. And I do not permit, a woman to teach, or to have authority, over a man, but to be in silence.

So, the context here again, is the church. It's the church, and the women are, Pierce, asking questions, maybe being a little disruptive, I'm not sure. But the context, is for the man, to teach, and have authority, and not have authority, over the man, but to learn in silence.

Now, if we keep reading, in just a minute, we're going to find out, that the reason, God's, Paul goes on to say, that she should not, usurp authority, over the man. So, the way that God designed it, is for the man, to be fed by God, to teach, and to learn, and for the family, to benefit.

Versus, me sitting down, on the pew, and Morgan being up here, and teaching me, and I'm like, oh okay, teach me, teach me, you're my spiritual authority. She's usurping, that authority, that God has given, the man.

Now, this isn't a male domination, I don't know why people, get upset about it, I'd rather, I'd rather her come up here, and do this, than I sit down there. I mean, it's hard, it's dying for self, it's serving, it's not, it's not an arrogant type, of boastful position, it's a dying to self.

So he's saying, women don't usurp, the authority of the man. Don't, don't be their spiritual leader. That's why you can gleam, men can gleam from, a lot, like say, M. Graham Lotz, or K. Arthur, right, you guys read, or Beth Moore, or different people, you can gleam from them.

We can learn from our moms. We can learn from our wives. We're always learning from women. Always learning, but she's not, the spiritual authority, over the man, teaching him in spiritual matters. Does that make sense?

I mean, wouldn't that, because you kind of have this image then, of a wimpy man, just sitting there, oh teach me, teach me, and the woman, lording over him, teaching him, when he should be the one, in the word of God, teaching and leading his family.

That's just how God designed it. So how it's blown up, into this big, you know, male domination, male chauvinism, and, and control, I, I, I, it beats me, if you just read the text. So I'm supposed to be in worship, lifting up holy hands, not being angry, not doubting, be a man of integrity, fill with the spirit of God, look to the word of God, get trained by the word of God, and then serve my family, take that to them, and teach them.

How in the world, is that, become what the world makes it out to be? This, this, this terrible thing. And there's a movement, in, in, in, in, churches even, different things that want, everybody equal, on all equal playing fields, and they forget that we are, equal in all areas.

With pay, you know, in different things, in different things, men and women are equal, but when it comes to the role, that God has given us, there's different roles, that we play in life. Not one is better than the other.

For, verse 13, for Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. Nevertheless, she will be saved, and childbearing, if they continue in, faith, and holiness, with self-control.

So it's a hard scripture. Nevertheless, will she be saved, and childbearing, if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control. This is a hard one to interpret, but I like what John Piper said.

He said, even though many women today, and in history, may feel the ongoing effects, of the curse, and the pains of childbirth, and the lifelong wounds, that it may leave, I urge all of our Christian sisters, not to despair.

God's word to you, is hope, and not a curse. God's plan for you, is salvation, not destruction. God's word to all those burdens, and frustrations, and miseries, is no. This is not my last word to you.

My word is salvation. My word, in and through every fiery trial, is to save you, to rescue you, to preserve you, and give you a future, and a hope, all of that, through faith in Jesus Christ. See, we think, oh, this, this, oh, she'll be saved in childbearing, and it's this idea, that God, the curse, the childbearing, the pain of childbearing, is from the curse.

Man was cursed, from the work he will do, in the toil of the soil, and that hard labor, that's his curse. Hard labor is a curse. And then childbearing, and the pain of childbearing, is the curse from the fall of Adam and Eve.

But God said, I will be with you. I will save you. I will take you through it. Look and lean on me. But I think I might need to, elaborate a little bit more on this. And I do not permit a woman to teach, or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.

This is one of the scriptures we use. Our church is called, when people ask me sometimes, they don't use these terms, they'll say it differently. But we're considered complementarian, versus egalitarian.

Egalitarian means everything is equal. So you'd have women pastors, that I would maybe submit to, or different things. Complementarian, is we complement. We see, the different ways that God has designed us.

So women, women basically keep this church going. I don't know if you've known that, but children's ministry to the office, to every single aspect of this church, it's vital because God has given us, that wonderful gift.

But we see from here, and from Timothy and Titus, the qualifications of an elder pastor, that's why we don't encourage, or promote women pastors. So it has nothing to do with being mean, it has nothing to do with holding people back, it's just, well God's word says, if it said, now here's the guidelines for a woman pastor, we'd follow it.

Here's the guidelines, a woman pastor must not be a gossip, she must not this, she must not this, she must be able to manage her kids, as well as her home. If it had, we'd be the first to say it, but because God's word shows us, that man is just in that position, of spiritual authority, here's his qualifications to lead the church, then that's why we believe in male pastors, and not women pastors.

Now I have friends that are women pastors, and I think sometimes it's just a play on words. They put a woman in a position of leadership, in women's ministry, that's what we have, so she becomes a pastor.

However, in that word, in the Greek, is pastor, bishop, overseer. And you don't see that word being used, in the context of women leadership. It's a male leadership position. So we're just looking at scripture.

It has nothing to do with being, I mean ask my wife, any of you can ask her, any question on this you want. Was Shane really that way at home? Does he push you guys around? Ask her. I'm not afraid of that, because I understand that women are a gift to us.

It's a help me. And this, people think, oh he's in some pushing, I submit to the needs of the church. I submit to the needs of my family. I submit to what are the needs. I submit, it's a position of servant leadership, of dying to self.

These guys that make this position, going around telling everybody what to do, is off the record, is off chart. It's not according to God's word. So that's the whole thing. Men are supposed to die for their family.

Men are supposed to lead for their family. Men are supposed to, that's why. So all these things now, women leading in battle. Oh, churches are against that. Well, no, I think men should lead in battle.

Men should die first. They should guard the wives and the children. That's our role. I mean, we're just messing up so many different things, so it has nothing to do with equality, and everything to do with perverting how God designed people.

Now I'm going to talk about something a little bit different. At the root of all unhealthy marriages, especially this area of submission would apply, if you prefer, we can use a different word. I just gave you a few.

Yielding. You know, this area of yielding. Because words have changed, right? Submission. Submission means a certain thing, and we get this imagery. A hundred years ago, they used to say, afterwards we're going to have a gay party.

It meant, you know, happy, good party, but you probably wouldn't say that, you know, today. In the old versions of the Bible, there's a word, doulos, that we are doulos, that we are God's, we are slaves.

But we know what happened in this country when Great Britain forced the slave trade on the nation, that they wanted to remove that word. Doulos became servant instead of slave. Careful on what the words mean.

So, that's sometimes why people have this negative view of this word, because what they put on it. So, at the root of all unhealthy marriage, all unhealthy marriages, at the root is one word. Are you ready for that word?

Influence. Influence. At the root of all unhealthy marriage, is influence. Your family is being led by whatever is influencing you. You don't like the direction of your family, who's influencing you? I'm not talking about spiritual attacks, I'm not talking about difficult seasons, but who is influencing you, is also influencing your family.

Psalm 1, that you turned to earlier, Psalm 1, we can put that up. Blessed is the man, blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law he meditates day and night.

He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in season, whose leaves shall not wither, and everything he does will prosper. Wow, I like this guy. I want to be, right?

The blessed person. He opens up here, blessed is the man or the woman, who what? Blessed man or woman who walketh not, who walks not, I memorized it in the King James, I believe, so this is probably New King James.

Walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, they're not walking according to how ungodly counsel directs them. They're looking to God's Word. Who are you listening to? Who is giving you advice? What fills your mind?

That's what's influencing you. I saw a movie that was coming out, maybe it already has, it's called Bad Moms, Party Like a Mother. Rated R. Now, if you're watching that, and your marriage is falling apart, can I make the connection?

Can I make the connection? If you're watching all this junk, and you're bitter, and you're angry, and you're upset, and your marriage is being destroyed by the devil, let me make a connection for you.

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Blessed is the marriage, blessed is the man, who walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, because influence is influence. If we sit and we enjoy something, it's influencing us.

Do you ever say, I'm not watching that, because it's not going to influence me in a negative way. Let me read a story I read many times, many years ago when I was speaking, I came across it again. I don't remember where I got it, but it fits perfectly.

When Matt was very young, when Matt was very young, his parents introduced him to a family friend. Matt was excited because he had someone to play with. His parents were pleased because he could entertain Matt while they were gone.

As the years went by, Matt and his friend spent countless hours together playing video games, watching sports, music videos, and reality shows. In time, things started to change. His friend began to use profanity and was disrespectful towards his family.

Although his mother and father disapproved, what could they do? His friend was like a family member now. He taught Matt how to dress, how to act, and even how to treat others. Although his parents would admit it, he taught them a thing or two as well.

Once Matt reached his teen years, his friend's influence was obvious. Matt spent more time with him than with his family. Matt's dad and mom were always gone, so his friend taught him about life. He introduced Matt to alcohol, drugs, pornography, explained how sex before marriage and homosexuality, all these things, it's not a big deal.

Everybody's doing it. Surprisingly, Matt's parents allowed his friend to continue to live in their home. After all, they enjoyed his company. When Matt grew older, he realized that the friendship should never have continued.

He believed that his friend's influence encouraged his dad's affair, his mom's problem with alcohol, and eventually the destruction of their family. The impact of Matt's friend on him was just as devastating.