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Source: https://www.sermonindex.net/speakers/david-oliver/relationships/
Proverbs, chapter 18, please, and the last verse of the chapter, A man that hath friends must show himself friendly. And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. I want to look at the first part of that verse principally.
A man that hath friends must show himself friendly. There must be a difficulty in translating this verse because if you look at a lot of the translations, you will find something like this. A man that has too many friends will be destroyed by them, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Now, I can follow the thought of that. I can even fit it into the context, but it doesn't fit my gun today. The difficulty is whether the word is destroyed or desiring friendship, associating with, okay?
And that's where the difficulty is. I'm just going to accept what some have suggested is the better translation of it. A man that has friends must show himself friendly. A man of friends is literally what it is, which is, I think, like a Hebrew expression.
It's saying a man that wants to have friends, a man that enjoys friends. So a man that enjoys friends must be a friend. A man that enjoys relationships must cultivate relationships. A man that would like to be connected to others must learn to connect with others.
Isn't that what the verse is saying? A man that has friends. If you're going to be a person that has friends and enjoys friendship, then you'll have to be the one who takes responsibility for your relationships.
Now, I'll just tell you what I want to deal with and leave time for somebody else. I want to think with you about the principles of relationships. Just gather a little bit from the book of Proverbs. I want to think about the prince of relationships.
The wonderful privilege of being a friend of the Lord Jesus and walking closely with him as we've been singing. And I just will leave a little bit at the end to remind us of the plenitude that is ours for relationships.
How can we have the resources that we need for relationship? So first of all, from Proverbs 18, where we have read, a man that has friends must show himself friendly. The people in this place are not friendly.
You ever hear that before? Oh, you haven't. Haven't been listening where I've been listening then. The people that go here, they're not friendly. Nobody is friendly with me. Could I tell you what the word of God has to say about friendships?
You are responsible to be a friend and not to be looking for others to be your friend. The responsibility of someone who wants friends is to assume that they are responsible for building the relationship.
A man that has friends, he's got to take the initiative. The responsibility for friendship, for relationships is yours. The way in which this can be applied would be a thousand or more ways. I'm just going to try to give the principles relative to this.
And then you'll remember that the next part of the verse says, there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Isn't it wonderful to have a friend that sticks with you when there's nobody else to stick with you?
You say that's wonderful. It's the Lord Jesus. Just a minute. But I don't think that the proverb is initially talking about the Lord Jesus. It's just a wonderful thing to have a friend that sticks closer than even the nearest of relationships, a brother.
And so here is the constancy of relationships, the constancy of friendship. Do not approach friendship for what you get out of it. Be willing to put into friendships no matter when there are times when it's not all that pleasant to be a friend.
Because it's a wonderful thing when... You know, I see some people and they're friends as long as they can get the prestige from the group that they hang around with. Or they are happy to be a friend of so-and-so if they like me.
And it's all about what's flowing my way. And friendship, from the word of God, the wonderful truth of having a friend is that that friend sticks. He's loyal. There's a loyalty to friendship that does not change when the going gets tough.
A friend loveth at all times. So if I am going to cultivate friendship, then it can't be a thing that... I'm in a bad mood today. Don't talk to me. Tomorrow, maybe I'll be better if the sun's shining.
No, a friend loveth at all times. A friend is concerned about the other person. A friend loves that other person. There's a loyalty to that other person. The reliability. A friend that sticks closer than a brother.
And the responsibility. Your responsibility to cultivate the friendship. There is the purity of friendship. For the purity, a man for the purity of his heart. Isn't that nice? A man that loveth pureness of heart.
For the grace of his lips, even the king shall be his friend. And I'm not talking about how you can be upscale in terms of friendship. But this matter of purity of heart. This matter of singleness of heart.
This matter of the grace of his lips. Go around, see how this works for you. So you're sort of going to be the friend of this person in this relationship building. And start spouting off about everybody else.
And start putting everybody else down. And start telling them about what's negative about this and what's wrong about that. And see how it goes. Because if they detect that you can talk against that person when that person's back is turned.
Then it's a reasonable assumption that you can talk against me when my back is turned. Isn't that right? For the grace of his lips. He'll even have the friendship of the king. Of course, there's some more implications to that.
And I want to come to that a little bit later. But this sense of the grace of his lips. Don't cultivate friendship by fakery. But do cultivate friendship by the grace of the lips. How about the integrity of friendship?
You read about the man that rises up early in the morning and blesses his friend with a loud voice. It's a curse to him. What do you say? Wait a minute. I'd love to have friends that wake up early in the morning and sing my praises.
And tell everybody what a wonderful person I am. You want them to lie? Faithful are the wounds of a friend. I don't like that scripture from this standpoint that it's always used on me. Used on me. So before somebody wants to.
Now, I might need. No, I do need correction. OK, I need some help. But if you have to tell me you're a friend before you give me the help, then it's a suspect. David, I'm your friend. Uh oh. Thank you very much.
I hadn't noticed that for a while. David, I'm your friend. And faithful are the wounds of a friend. Whomp. There you go. Got it? I'm a friend. But I'll tell you what. There are some people that I've taken some pretty clear words of help and correction from.
And I couldn't. I could not discount what they said because I believe they were my friend. You cultivate friendship. But be honest with your friends. Because some of your friends actually. Now, they don't need your opinion on everything.
I didn't mean that. I don't think the word of God means that. I just thought. David, I like that tie. OK, thank you very much. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Nonsense. There are some other things I don't have to know about what you're thinking.
But if you are a friend, there are things that you will want to help me with. And sometimes. Sometimes. It won't be the most positive. Find a positive way to say it. But sometimes the integrity of friendship.
Here's one on the proximity of friendship. Let me see if I can get this across as I see it. You remember in Proverbs 27. Here's what it says. Thine own friend and thy father's friend forsake not. Neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity.
What's the matter with that? For better is a neighbor that is near than a brother that is far off. So now just stop at the end of the proverb and recognize that the wise man is saying this. There are times when you're going to need somebody to be close to you.
So don't forsake your friends or your father's friends. In other words, don't drive them away and discount them. Don't need you. See you. So be careful. Don't drive away friends by rejecting them. And don't drive away friends by burdening them.
Don't go to your brother's house. Now, you know, it says my mother used to use this passage on us, but I don't know that she actually had the right thing in it. But a friend, lover at all times and a brother is born for adversity.
So she kind of whitewashed over the fact that my brother was always very hard to get along with for me. I mean, he was always so hard on me. Not me, him, obviously, but a brother is born for adversity.
I think what it means is you need a brother when you're facing adversity. It's a wonderful thing to have a brother in adversity. But just be careful that you don't abuse the relationship. Just be careful that you don't be inconsiderate and self-centered in your relationship.
If we're learning anything about the principles of friendship, it is friendships. Give friends, give rather than get from others. And so consider your friend. Don't don't don't don't pour all your sorrows and troubles and call him on the phone.
Today's no better than yesterday. I'm really feeling lousy. How are you feeling? I'm feeling pretty good. You know, and I'm really feel. And all you have to say is about your troubles. Nobody knows the troubles I've seen.
And I don't know. I don't even care whether the Lord Jesus does. Sometimes I think of the way it goes. Did you understand the point? Now, see, I understand what I'm talking about. And as some people here, I can see the light beaming in their eyes and they they got the point.
But I don't know that everybody understands that. Be considerate of your friends. Don't wear them down. Don't drain them so that they have nothing left to give the proximity of friendships. But here's the opportunity of friendships.
Iron sharpeneth iron. Now, why would you want iron to be sharp? Because it's not going to be it's not going to be useful as it could be if it's not sharp. Right. All this all the chisels in my toolbox are dull.
But so that's why I don't know the difference between using a chisel and a screwdriver. Anything that's handy will do the same job. But it's good to have like a saw. They tell me saws are supposed to be sharp, too.
Right. Iron sharpeneth iron. So a friend, a man, the countenance of his friend. When you are finished in your interaction with your friend, are they more useful for God than they were before? That's the opportunity that friendship involves.
It's not that I cultivate friendship so that I can get at you. But if I if I am a man of friends, if I if I appreciate friends. Then this is the reason for which I appreciate friends. How can I be a help to that friend?
I know you like the part about faithful or the wounds of a friend. Long as you're the friend that's wounding. I know you like that one. But this is what a friendship is for. How can I help you? I remember Fred Hill.
God bless Fred Hill and the memory of Fred Hill. But you know, not everybody here knows Fred, but some do. He gets out of his car because he he came out of the street, the bigger street next to his street.
And he made a left hand turn now as big as big as it could be. A big round red circle with a left turn arrow in it. You know, you know what that means, right? OK, so Fred didn't know what it meant. He pulled up, made his left hand turn.
And the police officer was there and he got Fred within a half a block. And Fred springs out of the car and he runs back to the officer. All I could I could see in the rearview mirror. So, you know, ask how I got there.
I could see it in the rearview mirror. Here's Fred Hill. And he's at the officer's door. Officer, what can I do for you? But the problem was that was Fred. What can I do for you? Whoever you were, whatever the circumstance, that was the attitude of the man.
And so a man sharpness, the count, the countenance of his friend. So I really had some of you young folks in mind in all this, because I think there are some pretty important principles. You know, you talk about Facebook, how to learn not to have relationships, how to learn how to be superficial, how to learn that there's no give and take when it comes to relationship.
Have all your relationships on a social network without face to face encounters. I just happen to be very critical. Did you notice that very critical of Facebook, Twitter and all the other whatever. And it can be used for the glory of God.
But don't make that your main vehicle of friendship. Because there is a need to develop friends. A man that has friends must have more than Facebook. Oh, somebody said a man that has friends must show himself friendly.
And this great opportunity. You know, boys, when you're around here, young men and young women, when you're around here at the conference and you're developing friendships, it would be perfectly all right if you did what you could in a modest way.
To try to help others spiritually, not as though you have mastered the whole thing and now you'd like them to be as good as you, but to be able to take the opportunity to sharpen iron, to increase the usefulness of one another in the things of God, the principles of relationship.
Whoops. All right. Let me see if I can do this quickly, then the prints of relationships, because I'm going to take you just in mind pretty simply to John chapter 15. Remember the wonderful thing the Lord Jesus told his disciples?
You are my friends. And in the context, he begins by saying, greater love has no man than this, than that a man laid down his life for his friends. Now, I know that when I preach that I preach that, that the Lord Jesus had greater love than the highest love of men.
But, you know, of humanity. But the Lord Jesus is not talking about his love that excels, but he's talking about his love that individualizes. And he says to them, the next statement seems to me to prove that greater love has no man than this, than in a man laid down his life for his friends.
You're my friends. I just want you to know. That I'm going to lay down my life for you. That's how much I think of you. Do you know, in Luke chapter 22, when the Lord Jesus is there at the last supper, as we call it with the disciples, he says, ye are they that have continued with me in my temptation.
He takes Peter, James and John, and he takes them farther than the other disciples because they are more able to enter into his sorrow and he discloses his sorrow to them. There's a depth of sorrow that he can't disclose to them, but he wants them to know.
You know what I learned about the Lord Jesus? He was a man of friends. He appreciated friends. And he still likes friends. And he is the one who chose them that they might be his friends. Isn't that right?
They didn't volunteer and say, hey, I'd like to be a friend of yours. He stopped by and he says, come you after me and I will make you to be fishers of men. And as they came, he chose them, but he chose them because according to Mark chapter three, that they should be with him.
He wanted their friendship. He wanted them to know him intimately. Imagine the Lord Jesus. It's not a matter that he needed friends, that somehow he was in a vacuum and lonely. It is that he loved that sense of interaction with others, because as far as he was concerned, the accomplishment of friendship would involve for him the sacrifice of everything.
Being a friend is not getting being a friend is giving. And to the very extent of meeting the deepest need of his friends, the Lord Jesus gave his life. He held back nothing that he might draw you and me into friendship with him.
Do you believe that he accepted them? I'm going to explain this in a year. My friends, if you do whatsoever, I command you. So is this a performance friendship? As long as you're obeying what I say, then I'll be your friend.
I think when I read through John 14 and 15, that when the Lord Jesus speaks about doing his commandments, he is talking about what is a characteristic of everyone that is that is his. And therefore, what the Lord Jesus is saying is you have trusted me.
You have believed on me. You have been brought into a place of intimacy with me. You are my friends because this is what will now characterize you. You are characterized by obedience. And so the Lord Jesus, imagine that sitting at the table with Peter and all the disciples that would forsake him and flee.
And he knew that he knew it all right. And he looks them all in the eye. Matthew, you're my friend. Where's my mirror? David, you're my friend. He says in the next verse, henceforth, I call you not servants for the servant knoweth not what his Lord doeth.
The servant is Lord. But I have called you friends for I have told you all things that my father has disclosed to me. Do you see that? I wonder if John didn't marvel at this more as he's 90 years old and writes his gospel or 83.
And when he writes his gospel, because he wrote his gospel to express the incomparability of the Lord Jesus. Right. He is the son of God. He's totally other. He's above all. And he sits at a table with the likes of me, the youngest at the table, but probably was John.
And he looked every one of them in the eye, I think. And he said, you're my friends. And again, notice when the Lord Jesus says, you're my friends. Let me explain why you're my friends, because I've given you everything I've got.
I have entrusted to you everything. Friendship is not about getting. Friendship is about giving. And not only would he give his life, but he gave them all that they needed as far as their responsibilities are concerned.
The accord of friendship, this not a condescending friendship. Got the picture? The eternal son of God was a lowly friend to failing disciples. Friendship, the prince of friendship. So let me quote to you from the book of Song of Solomon, chapter 5.
Our brother quoted it in his prayer. Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved. And this is my friend. Is that true? Maybe I haven't been appreciating his friendship and maybe I haven't been acting like a friend.
He's my friend. Not because I've made him my friend. But because he's made me his friend. Wonderful truth. Friendship with Jesus. Oh, what truth sublime. Oh, what blessed consolation. Jesus is a friend of mine.
But you say to yourself, David, you're so idealistic because you know that if you're always giving, you're going to have a big problem. You're just going to be drained and washed out. So that's my last point.
And I can make it pretty quickly. Colossians, chapter 2. In him dwelleth all the completeness of the Godhead in a body, and ye are made complete in him. Do you understand that the only way I can be a friend like the Lord Jesus?
Because what other kind of friend is worth being like? Do you understand what I said? The ultimate would be to be a friend like the Lord Jesus, wouldn't it? How else can I have that fullness? Of his fullness have all we received.
And I think that describes to us the truth that the Lord Jesus develops in John 13, 14, 15, and 16 and prays about in chapter 17. Because the capstone of what he's teaching in the upper room ministry is that ye love one another as I have loved you.
How will it be possible that the fullness of that one who loved me and gave himself for me can be replicated in me? It'll only be by the Spirit of God. It will only be as the Spirit of God transforms me.
We all with open face beholding as in a glass. The glory of the Lord are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. Young believer, if you'd like to be a friend, then reflect on Christ.
Then live in the enjoyment of Christ. Let him be your meditation. Let him be your occupation. This is not idealistic Christianity. This is basic, fundamental, essential Christianity. Occupation with Christ.
Drawing from him full resources that we might be full in order to be friends for others. They that wait upon the Lord. Those who live in communion with him. Those who trust him for the circumstances of their life shall renew their strength.
I'm talking from experience because there are times when I feel so drained I couldn't help another living soul. I haven't mastered what I've just preached to you, but I know that that's where the strength comes from.
To be living in fellowship with him, occupied with him. That the Spirit of God may make us like him. And renew us that we might be friends to others. As the Lord Jesus is a friend to us.