Marriage: Anger, the Great Destroyer — Shane Idleman

We're doing something a little different tonight. As you can tell, we just did a few songs, two songs, because we wanted to switch it around and not just do a few songs after the service and get out of here, but to actually have the end of the service tonight be a time of worship.

More songs than just two and hurry up or one and let's leave. So we're kind of structured to where I came up a little bit sooner and then we can worship at the end. A lot of that is due to the weight of this type of message.

Anger as a Destructive Force

It's not easy. I've been challenged by this topic all week on the issue of anger. And I called it the great destroyer because it is. I mean, I'm not looking for titles that'll tickle the ears, I'm looking for titles that'll challenge the heart.

And anger is a very destructive influence in our lives. If you wanna go on and get last week's message, we talked about marriage builders and that's more of an encouraging message and we talked about the importance of love.

And you hear this word all the time in church, love, yeah, yeah, love this, love your neighbor, I know, I got it. But Paul broke it down in Corinthians when he said, you can speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but if you have not love, it profits you nothing.

You can have great faith, you can understand all mysteries and have the gift of prophecy, but if you have not love, it profits you nothing. You can sell everything you have, have your body to be burned at the stake or burned if you have not love, it profits you nothing.

And so I thought about that in the church today, we can have sound doctrine and if we have not love, it profits us nothing. We'll become repulsive to the world because love must be that undergirding force, it must actually underscore and undergird everything.

It undergirds our messages from the pulpit, hopefully, our words, how we treat others, what we say. And I'm concerned in the church today that finding that healthy balance seems to be a challenge because we can have all love, but we don't wanna talk about the truth.

Is that really love? When you love someone, you tell them the truth, but then we can have so much truth that we become dogmatic and arrogant and angry and forceful and we blow people out of the water.

So it's finding that love and you guys have heard that story, I've told many times before and I actually just thought of it just now of that older lady who came to her son, she said, son, I love our new pastor.

He goes, why is that? He goes, because he says, you're gonna go to hell if you don't accept Christ. What the old pastor used to say, you're gonna go to hell if you don't accept and know Christ. And her son said, well, they say the same exact thing.

And she said, no, but our new pastor says it with tears in his eyes. And that's a difference, that's what love does. It softens your words, it seasons them with grace because in our culture today, when we've got to proclaim the truth, it better be in love or it's gonna be offensive.

Somebody sent me a YouTube clip this week of somebody confronting Rosie O'Donnell on the alternate lifestyles and different things. And he was just calling her a pig and all kinds of stuff. And I'm thinking, what is he thinking he's gonna accomplish?

What is this? No wonder Christianity or Christians have such a bad reputation. There's no love. There's either no love or there's no truth. There's no truth, you become a coward who doesn't want to confront anybody and you want to tell everybody what they want to hear so you can be their friend.

If you have all truth and no love, you become a modern-day Pharisee. And we repulse people. And it's hard, it is hard finding that balance, but that's why I want to emphasize and I magnify time in the word of God, time in the prayer closet, time broken and humble, because through that, that's when you can minister to a fallen and broken world because that prepares your heart.

A lot of times we go out and our heart is not prepared. We go out and the heart's not ready so we snap at people, we get upset. And actually this topic of anger has been on my heart for a long time, but just finding the time and finding the energy and finding the resources, number one, but number two is being led of the spirit to bring this message to you guys because it's a difficult message.

And that's why I don't like preaching a lot of times when certain things is, right before the marriage series, we got hit with a lot of things that I would consider spiritual warfare. I'm talking on anger and it seems like all hell's breaking loose this week.

I mean, many of you know I had a root canal done and now it's hurting again, the same tooth, this week. And I am just, it just irritates me. You spend $1 ,200 now to go get it pulled out and it's just hurting again and I'm going through all this and then the kids this week and challenges at work.

It seems like half the emails I got were negative confrontational emails that just get me in a, like I don't even wanna go on the computer anymore. Things at work falling apart. We get home, the kids are, I've made a mess or broke this and it's like, wow.

Because when I'm gonna teach on something, usually that issue becomes very, very relevant that week. And to be honest with you, on this type of topic, I'm not up here as, you know, like a weight loss client.

I lost 70 pounds, let me tell you how to do it. Because this is an area most, a lot of people struggle with. I have not mastered this area, but I wanna die trying. I don't wanna get upset at my family or people.

I wanna lean towards being conformed into the image of Christ. And the funny thing I realized about anger is you can control it. My son does the same thing here as he does at home, but all you guys are here, I'm like, oh, son, that's okay.

That's okay, little buddy, just try to do it better next time. But at home, what are you doing? You're messing up the wall. What's going on here? You can control it a lot of times. I've never seen a tantrum from adults in the church in a year and a half, never.

But you get home, something changes, right? Because you're loose. And I often say you wanna see a person's true personality or their true heart, look, it's their home life. The home life reveals who we truly are.

It is a gauge of our, I would say, or even our spirituality. Because we can come and play church for an hour and a half. But can you hold your tongue when your spouse is upsetting you or others are? Can you, like James says, be slow to speak?

Are you one of those people wanna get the last word in? Like me? I'll get texting and email, let me get the last word in. Let me get the last thing in. Let me get angry, angry, angry. And anger begins to dominate our lives.

Righteous Anger and Its Motive

And I believe that the enemy uses this probably just as much as any other sin. And I'll call it sin because anger, unrighteous anger is sin. But righteous anger, it's okay to be angry about things. Angry that Planned Parenthood is coming to Palmdale or is here.

It's okay to be angry about that. Being angry about abortion and the condition, the sex trafficking of these little kids, it just makes me angry. The news that's showing that the parents abusing their children, that girl that they made run for three hours until she died.

Angry, very angry, very upset. That's why Martin Luther said, you see your quote there, when I am angry, I can preach well and I can pray well. And I can sympathize with him because out of that righteous indignation flows boldness to speak God's word.

Look at Jesus going into the temple, throwing over the money changers, driving them out. Righteous anger, zeal for your house is with inside of me, Jesus said. And so there's nothing wrong with anger, but a lot of it is the motive behind it, the heart issue behind it.

What are you, why are you angry and what are you doing with that anger? I mean, anger sparked the Protestant Reformation. Anger sparks often revival. Anger drives men to their prayer closets. Anger can be a good thing.

And I realize that if we don't have righteous anger, we would never pray for the condition of the church or society or all these laws that are being passed to our leaders if we weren't getting angry at some of these things.

So anger can be good. It's defined by the nature, by our motive. What do we do with it? Are we killing people with our words? That type of anger? Or are we taking that anger and harnessing it for good if it's godly anger?

James 1:20 and Anger’s Failure to Produce Righteousness

So on that note, let's begin with this introduction to James 1 .20. James 1 .20, if you have your Bibles, I'm not gonna read the first part, I'm just gonna read the second part of this. James says, and I love what the King James says because I memorized it probably, is why I like the King James in the English sometimes, but anger worketh not the righteousness of God.

James is saying anger worketh not the righteousness of God. In a nutshell, you'll never get anything right through wrath. You'll never get anything right through anger. You'll never repair your marriage through anger.

You'll never repair relationships through anger. As a matter of fact, anger a lot of times puts us outside of the wills and ways of God. It's amazing, when I was looking over the qualifications for eldership or qualifications for pastor, bishop, teacher, all those things, gentle, peaceable, easy to yield, not quick-tempered, not hot-headed man, not violent, not greedy, the anger.

God says when you're gonna lead my people, you need to be one that has a spirit of peace and of gentleness, yes, be bold, yes, be firm, yes, but be flexible, be loving. Leadership in the church, it's a qualification.

You cannot fly off the handle and lead the church. You cannot scream at everybody to try to push your agenda. Sometimes I feel that way, but you can't do it. Leadership, God looks at leadership highly.

Anger as a Destroyer of Marriage and Family

And I would submit to you that there's a lot of things that destroy marriage. I wrote down the silent storm. You know, it's the one that goes to the grocery store and never comes home. They've been silent for years, and silence, and there's silence in the home, and this is breaking the family apart.

And then there's, of course, lack of communication. We've talked about that. You say this, I say this, and we just don't get along. And then apathy, the apathetic storm that comes against your house, just laziness and being apathetic.

Those things can wear on us. What about, of course, infidelity and adultery? We talked about that a lot, how that can break the home apart. But I would submit to you that I think anger can do just as much damage as all those combined.

I mean, I've seen people recover from an affair, and it's difficult, and they do, and they become stronger. But I haven't seen too many people recover from an angry, abusive spouse. They walk around like the dog you buy at the pound, always flinching when you go to pet it.

Because anger has driven that into the person. Men coming home, flying off the handle, punching holes in the wall, yelling, screaming. It's destroying our families. It's destroying our children. Do you realize you can break their spirits?

You can break them. They're right now, when they're little, moldable, impressionable, even as they're young adults. Anger, anger worketh not the righteousness of God. And I've seen it destroy many homes because you kill with your mouth.

You murder with your words. When you come home, does everybody have to walk around like on eggshells? Don't wanna upset, don't wanna offend, just waiting for that volcano to erupt? Yeah, this is hard, I know.

But it needs to hit home. It needs to penetrate the heart. Anger worketh not the righteousness of God. We'll never get anything right through wrath and anger. And I know, I mean, my mom and brother here, we had a pretty difficult home life when we were younger.

My dad, bless his heart, was an angry man from the farms of Oklahoma, and just angry and driven. And it can really damage the family. It can damage your heart. It can damage your soul. It can damage how you even look at the Lord, I think.

Because a lot of times when a spouse is angry at another spouse, and they call them names, or they belittle them in front of the children, the children then now have this impression of the man who's supposed to be the leader.

Now it's the man mommy's mocking and yelling at and getting upset. Same thing with the men, demeaning the wife. Demeaning them and yelling at them and becoming upset. And the kids then take away this view.

And what is even scary, then we pass that on to them on how they should treat a spouse. Role modeling, character is not only taught, it's caught. Remember what I've said many times before, mom and dad, the lessons you give me may be very wise and true, but I'd rather get my lesson by observing what you do.

For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give, but there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live. As my son walked in today as I'm studying this, he goes, I know what you're doing, you're studying the Bible, and you're gonna preach it.

I said, that's right, but God help us if I can't live it. That's gonna carry more weight. Do you realize that? If I quote Scripture yet scream at him, what's he gonna look at? The lessons you give me may be very wise and true, but I'd rather get my lesson by observing what you do.

And I know this isn't for everybody, but it is for some people that anger is keeping you out of the wills and ways of God. Anger is what's dividing your marriage. Anger is what's coming in, and if we're not careful, it can break us apart.

Angry men, angry women, I'm not talking about perfection. I mean, I'm sure all of us are gonna deal with some forms of anger and getting upset, but when it becomes a sinful lifestyle, and we use it to bludgeon, we use it to hit, we use it to control people, and the spouse, we need to confront it.

And confrontation is good, conviction is good. If we're feeling convicted, that's good. God means he's changing our heart in this area. So with that said, there's so many places to go with this. I started to think of how many, and I was gonna talk to some of you about this and get some statistics, but I wonder how many people are in prison today because of anger.

They're filled because of anger. Angry men, angry men detoured from their destiny, now spending the rest of their lives locked up because of anger. It worketh not the righteousness of God. You can look back at the beginning of the Bible, when Cain, right before he slew Abel, God said to him, why are you angry, Cain?

Why are you angry? Why do you look sad and down? If you do not well, will you not be rewarded? But if you do not well, be well. If you do not be, basically, if you don't sin, or if you do sin, sin is gonna be crouching at the door, and its desire is to have you, but you must master it.

God told Cain, why are you angry? Just do good. Sin is right there, crouching at the door. Reminds me of a tiger. You getting ready to open that door, a lion's just gonna jump in. That's what anger does.

It opens the door. Nobody murders anybody that isn't first angry and upset, and they just, out of a moment of passion, they do something. Anger opens the door to sin. And then what happened? Cain slew his brother, Abel, because of his anger, jealousy.

And God said, the blood of your brother cries out to me, but you slew him in your anger. What about Moses? He couldn't even go into the promised land. God said, speak to the rock. Now, I know different Bible teachers and commentators are a little divided on this, but to me, it's a little bit clear that God said, speak to the rock, but Moses smote the rock twice, and God said, you're not entering into the promised land.

You misrepresented me. Anger detoured his destiny. What about Joseph? You know Abraham, Isaac, oh, I'm sorry, Jacob. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob's name was turned to Israel, changed to Israel. God wrestled with him, changed his name to Israel.

Right before his death, the Bible says that Israel strengthened himself on the bed and sat up, and he called his sons over to him. The 12 tribes are over to him. He was gonna bless them. This is what all Jewish boys look forward to.

This is my blessing. This is my reward. I've waited all my life to receive this. My father's gonna bless me. He turned to Simeon and Levi. He said, you are cursed because you are a hot-headed man. In anger, you slew men.

Simeon, Levi, you're cursed because of anger. It's throughout the whole Bible. David, we talk a lot about Bathsheba and adultery, and yes, that's true, but when Bathsheba's husband came back from the battle, Uriah, David said, go be with your wife.

He said, I cannot do this when my men are in battle to go be with my wife. David asked him again, and he didn't do it. David got upset. He told Joab, when Uriah comes back into battle, pull back from him and let him be killed.

Anger, anger worketh not the righteousness of God. I'm trying to break this down to show you where men and women throughout history have taken detours. It's because of anger. What about Saul? When Samuel was taking longer than he should have to get the sacrifice, Saul said, let me do it.

You're anointed to be king, but you're not anointed to be prophet, Saul. You cannot do this. This is not, you wait for Samuel. He said, no, let's just burn this incense. Let me take care of it, and because of his anger, God, not that his anger took away his kingdom, but because he did that, did not wait for Samuel, that his kingdom was taken from him, and God raised up a shepherd boy, David, and came in to be the next king.

But Saul sought to kill David from that point forward because of anger. So let's talk about that for a minute. Why are you angry? God asked Cain, why are you angry? Sin is crouching at your door. Its desire is to have you.

You must master it, and what happens? We talked about anger jumping in, and I have this verse from last week, but I wanna use it this week. First Peter three, first Peter three. We're gonna go back into submission a little bit, but I wanna show where this parallels.

Marriage, Submission, and Spiritual Influence

Likewise, wise, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if they do not obey the word, that they may be won by your conduct, by the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectable and pure conduct, they sing, wise, your unbelieving husbands are gonna look at your respectable and pure conduct, not angry, hot-headed women flying off the handle, to win that person and have them understand the Lord, because I realize that we represent the Lord.

We represent how we live as Christians. Will you ever be arrested for being a Christian? I mean, if they looked at your lifestyle, could you ever be arrested for being a Christian? I mean, they'd say, you know, bring in the witnesses, and is there anything in our lifestyle that reflects the nature of Christ?

And that's what he's telling the wives here. Be respectful and have pure conduct. And then he says, do not let your adorning, you know, how you dress and all these things, be external, the braiding of your hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, et cetera, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty, gentle and a quiet spirit.

Gentle and a quiet spirit, that's what he's saying women should be. Don't worry, he gets into men too. But look at that verse. We should take that verse and apply it to Facebook. Be careful what you post on there.

Let's read it in that context. When posting pictures on Facebook, let not your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, clothes, what you're wearing. Don't even worry about that stuff.

But with the message we're sending through the media or however we went, is it a gentle, quiet spirit? Is it a woman who's gentle and quiet and a man who leads his family in the fear and admonition of the Lord?

We're representing Christ. What happens is anger comes in there and it breaks all of that. It's not a gentle, quiet spirit, it's an angry spirit. An angry, upset at everybody, flying off the hook, flying off the handle, yelling, getting upset, throwing everything around, this and that.

That's not what God's calling us to be and we get outside of the wills and ways of God and then we wonder why there's challenges in our marriage, why aren't I happy? And then it goes on to say to the men, likewise, husbands, verse seven, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.

Now the other half of the scripture blows my mind and you better memorize it. Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. Men, if you do not treat your wife right, your prayers will be hindered, my prayers will be hindered.

And let me tell you right now, anger hinders prayers. I believe there's many men, many women walking through a 40-year wilderness never to see the promised land because of that anger. Sure, God's there, you're a child of God, he's gonna oversee and protect and you're part of the kingdom of God but here, I believe it's holding a lot of people back from experiencing what God truly wants to do.

I know he won't promote people to leadership if they're angry. I know that he won't open certain doors in Christian ministry if people are angry. Anger prevents all of those things from happening. Look at husbands, love your wives, showing them honor.

You know what showing honor means? We kind of miss it with that word but in this culture, it means the value of something. Show everybody, show yourself, show your family that your wife, you value her.

It's like you get this vase in an auction, it's worth $10 ,000, you're not gonna put it up on this table right where the kids are playing. You're gonna show that value, you're gonna pack it up, you're gonna hide it probably, you're gonna put all kinds of those little styrofoam things that I hate, they get everywhere.

You're gonna show it value, that's what Peter's saying. Husbands, show your wife's value. She's a help me and Aaron, the kingdom of God but we despise them and we ridicule, we cast off. Oh yeah, you're just there to help me and please me and we don't truly honor them.

That's what Peter's saying, if you want to have your prayers answered, men, and I think we all do when we're praying, we don't wanna waste any time. You must love them in an understanding way, showing honor as the weaker vessel.

We talked about this, not an insignificant vessel, not a vessel that's less than and you're better than, a weaker vessel which means it's more fragile which means it cracks under pressure and that's what anger does, it goes and cracks that vessel.

You see women that are husbands are angry men, they walk around like that little dog. I mean, they do, it's like anything's gonna set them off, we can't do this, we can't do that and that's wrong. It's not her responsibility, it's your responsibility to change and to be the man that God's called you to be.

Practical Responses to Anger

Now with that said, let's get into a few practical applications on this issue versus just leaving it hanging out there. Shane, what are you really trying to say? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here's what I'm really trying to say.

Let's read this scripture in context. James is saying, know this my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear. That means you got two ears, one mouth, shut your mouth a lot more and just listen, listen and try to understand.

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak. Don't interrupt, don't try to get the last word in, don't want, slow to speak, quick to listen. So what it is, now you see this analogy of a person, ears wide open, mouth is shut.

What about if a spouse is sat down to discuss something and they each did that? Tell me what, tell me, let me just shut up for 10 minutes and just listen. Wow, that's the picture he's trying to present here.

Be slow to speak, quick to hear and slow to get angry. He's saying you can't control it because the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. And I want to talk about some practical application.

And when I thought of anger, I thought of what it is, it's little kids inside. Really, they throw tantrums and they don't get their way, this and that and that anger, if we're not careful, can grow up and it's still the little kid inside.

It's still that little kid wanting this, wanting that, getting upset, they're not getting their way. So when we talk about anger, let me give you a few practical applications. Number one, what starts a lot of anger is selfishness.

Let's just be honest, let's get right to the point. I'm not getting my way. Things are not going like I thought. This is not my plan for today. I wasn't wanting to do this. And it's, we don't think of what the Bible talks about, let this mind be in you, which is also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God, did not consider Robert to be equal with God, but that whole thing there, is he's talking about Jesus became obedient to the point of death, even death upon a cross.

So he's saying, let this mind be in you, humble yourself. The humble he teaches his ways. So one element of anger is selfishness. And so what I've tried to do is, okay, the day's going, I just know it's not gonna go like I think.

Just waiting for something to come up and just, Lord, thank you, would redirect my path. I'm on my way here, I spill stuff on the shirt and on the pants and tell Morgan to bring me an extra, hey, okay, it's no big deal.

Now, have I mastered this? Of course not. But when you put yourself out of the equation and things come up, it's a lot, you don't get as angry because okay, Lord, and who's in control? He is, all things work together for those who are called according to his purposes, those who love him.

So as we're going through life, and I wanna get here, I gotta do this, I gotta do this, you get a phone call that changes everything. Just understand that God is redirecting the path or something is happening and it's not about us.

A lot of times he'll use those things until you say, okay, Lord, I'm just gonna be happy and thankful that I have breath, thankful the kids are healthy, thankful for everything, and that anger, anger cannot exist in a thankful heart.

Being thankful about everything and being angry, they just don't exist. When you're angry, you're not thankful. That's why you say mean or hurtful things. I wish I never would have married you. When you're thankful for the spouse, you would never be saying that.

So the first part of practical application is selfishness. Now, of course, again, this is not gonna be easy. That's why you've gotta spend time in the word of God, spend time praying and being broken and saying, Lord, what do you wanna do in my life?

Show me today, I'm just gonna live my life as if you're directing it versus me directing it. Because Morgan knows I have a whole pad at home now that I have to start putting here, so I gotta get done today.

And then when I don't get done, start over tomorrow. And if it's not going good by 12 o 'clock, I start getting a little irritated because I've got all this stuff to get done today. Now, part of that, of course, is good.

You've gotta have plans, you've gotta have a procedure, and you've gotta be able to accomplish things and get things done. But a lot of times now, it's just like, okay, what do you wanna add to this, Lord?

What do you wanna take away? Show me, let me try to get through this day. And you'll be amazed at how much anger subsides because your plans aren't being ruined, because they're gonna be ruined every day, every day.

Flat tire, the boss wants you to stay an extra few hours, things aren't working out, people get, things get canceled, events get canceled, things you're planning on, things you're counting on get canceled, things don't happen the way we thought, and we get upset about that.

Jealousy, Gossip, and Selfish Ambition

The next area, which is vitally important, this actually fosters anger, and that is something known as jealousy. That's why Cain slew his brother, Abel, because of jealousy. Joseph's brothers, highly favored, Joseph is highly favored.

Jealousy comes in. If you wanna help master anger, you've gotta work on this issue. Because gossip is the sister of jealousy. When we're jealous about people, the tongue begins to put that person down.

I don't like them, so I'm gonna put them down. I put them down so I look better. Yeah, but did you hear this, but did you do that? In jealousy, you get mad, you get upset. That's one thing about Facebook.

You see everybody doing all this stuff. I'm like, when do I get a vacation? When do I get a new car? When do I get all this? Nothing, you get upset, you get jealous. Off to Europe again, and off to the gym four times a day, and doing all this stuff, and you know, this kid's worth a sitter.

I've got the whole day down in Valencia relaxing, and like, it's like, wow, you can get jealous of that. It's not right, but that's what happens. You get angry at those things. Why aren't I doing it? Not realizing that those are unrealistic things, the pictures people are painting that aren't realistic.

They want us, you know, we want to have a better impression of ourselves and really what's happening. So jealousy comes in, and what happens is, let's read James again, chapter three. But if you have bitter jealousy, now this is different.

He didn't just say just jealousy, because jealousy rises up in most of us. You know, we get jealous, I wish I was doing that, or I wish I was, you know, this or that, and that's okay, I mean, we just repent of it, say, Lord, this is right, but bitter jealousy, if you look up that word, bitter jealousy, it's almost a hatred for the person.

They're so bitter and so jealous, and they just can't, they think of, lay up at night, you know, think of plans to destroy their life or tarnish their character. It's bitter jealousy. James says, if you have this, or selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.

False to the truth, you think you have the truth, but you're false to it. This is not the wisdom that comes from above. It is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. It's demonic in nature, and there's a word we don't want to use too much today, oh, demonic or demons, yeah, but there's powers of darkness coming against us.

The Bible's crystal clear on that, and that bitter jealousy is demonic. It's a demonic influence. Now, of course, I don't believe that people can be possessed that are Christians. I just don't see that anywhere, but they can be darn well influenced.

They can be influenced by demonic things that come in, bitter jealousy. Most of the fights in church, church splits, this and that, I'm not gonna talk to that person again, it happened because of bitter jealousy.

Why aren't I up here? I used to play drums in a band. Why aren't I singing? I would tear this place up if they would let me have, if they would let me have that microphone. I'll tell you right now, your heart's not right.

God promotes you, God lifts you up, you humble yourself, and he'll exalt you. I mean, when the church first started, we had people coming and leaving, coming and leaving. I'm saying, what's going on? I start to talk to them.

Well, it wasn't working out like they thought. They thought they were gonna do certain things or be in certain positions, and when that didn't happen, oh, I'm out of here. Well, that's not right. That's not, God will promote you, God will raise you up, God will open ministry doors.

It's his job. All my job is is to identify it and to help when necessary, but God doesn't. And if you appoint someone before it's time, that will be destructive. As a matter of fact, elders aren't even supposed to be appointed, the Bible says, until they're older and more mature, lest they'll be prideful, the Bible says.

But that's what bitter jealousy does. James goes on to say, for where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder in every vile practice. Like I said, disorder, chaos, where there's jealousy, because jealousy at its core is thinking of yourself more highly than you should.

You're jealous, you want to be in that position. I mean, you guys know when I write books and you see, oh, number one bestseller, this book, this book, boy, that'd be nice to put $100 ,000 in my pocket.

I mean, of course, Rick Warren or your name, well, you fill in the blank. I mean, it's top of the list, they're selling millions of copies, and I honestly, morning to day, I don't get, I'm excited for these guys, but there's a part of me that says, oh, that would be nice, but I have no bitter jealousy at it, and God's calling me to do whatever he's calling me to do, and he'll open those doors.

But you gotta understand that he opens those doors, he's in control. It's not about glorifying me, it's about glorifying the cross. One of my main, main fears with the church is that people come and they want to hear me, and they say, we're seeing, we're seeing, you know, let us know, where are you gonna speak again, where speak, but look to the cross.

My, it's like John the Baptist, for him to increase and me to decrease. That's my job, that's the gifting, is to come and call the church back to him. You follow me around for a week, you're gonna be disappointed.

That's just the truth. All of us are using our giftings to glorify him. Don't look to Shane, Shane did this, he did that, yeah, exactly, I'm a work in progress, just like you. Point to that. That's why if I hear another person say, you know, I'm leaving Christianity, or I don't like, look what happened to this guy, look to Christ, don't follow men.