Godly Marriages - 1.godly Husbands, Wives and Parents — Zac Poonen

Faith as the Foundation of Marriage

Like everything else in the Christian life the most important requirement for any married couple is faith. Throughout the New Testament you find this emphasis on faith without faith It is impossible to please God.

Trusting God for Oneness and Protection

So what should married couples trust God for? You must believe that God is very very Interested in your being one not two but one in every way and He's very very interested in Helping you overcome every Problem that can hinder you from becoming one and help you to overcome every attack of Satan.

Marriage, the Fall, and Spiritual Opposition

We read in Scripture that God was the one who ordained and conducted the first marriage that's in Genesis 2 and It's almost the very next verse. In Genesis 3 it says the devil came. So as soon as the wedding is over Very next chapter is the devil even before the honeymoon begins.

We must recognize that we shouldn't try to shut our eyes and imagine That's not true and many of you would have found that to be true but We must not believe in a huge devil and a wee tiny Jesus. That's the trouble with a lot of Christians not only in relation to married life, but in relation to many other problems we face in life, which may have been from the devil or maybe just because We live in a sin-cursed earth there are a lot of problems which are not directly caused by the devil.

But because we live in a world that's called cursed by because of sin the earth is cursed and our bodies are from this earth and So the effect of that is still in our body. That's why we perspire and things like this and we get sick and we die.

Overcoming Through Faith and the Holy Spirit

So But whatever the problem is the Lord wants us to be overcomers. It's very clear in the book of Revelations the last message of Christ to the churches and You find in every one of the churches the good ones and the bad ones.

His message is to him who overcomes Be an overcomer and right through the end of the book of Revelation it says He who overcomes Shall be my son, and I will be his God. So you must have faith. Faith is the most important thing faith that God wants me to be an overcomer in my marriage.

He doesn't want my marriage to be a defeated failure. He wants me to be an overcomer and He's going to help me that's on the other part of faith that God will help me. The Holy Spirit is called a helper and He will help you overcome whatever Problems you face in your married life.

God has allowed us like I said To live in a world where there are problems and I believe the reason for that is because that's where we know his power. Think of the Gospels were had no examples of Jesus facing any problem.

Supposing it was written that they got into a boat and there was no storm. They safely went across to the other side. The five thousand people were there and fortunately everybody brought a lunch packet so they could eat.

I mean if I could change all those stories the wedding at Cana fortunately they had planned ahead and there was plenty of wine available every one of those stories you could you remove As just change it slightly and then becomes boring.

But the Lord took his disciples with them through all with him through all these different circumstances for all types of circumstances. To show them one truth that he could handle any situation. I remember once taking a series of studies on the miracles of Jesus and I titled the series God can solve every problem and it's very interesting to see that The very first problem that Jesus solved was at a wedding teaching us that The wine can run out, you know weddings we prepare so much so that we don't Have any embarrassment with visitors having to go without food.

But what that teaches us is despite your best preparations things can go wrong in a marriage. Despite all that you plan and do there are things that can happen if you don't anticipate and The wine can run out that which started a marriage which started with wine is a picture of joy and Effervescence and you know bubbling over and It runs out and you don't anticipate that but it does.

And what we learn at that wedding is Go to Jesus. Tell him Be honest Lord the wine has run out in our marriage. Sometimes we try to cover it up. It's alright to cover it up from other people. We don't want to wash our dirty linen in public.

But don't hide it from Jesus go and show him all your dirty linen tell him everything and Be honest our wine has run out. We're trying to put up a good front before all these wedding guests, but the wine has run out.

We're in a bit of a panic because it's very embarrassing. We don't know what to do and Mary told the servants whatever he tells you to do do it. So if you're willing to work hard like those servants were you know to fill Six water pots 150 600 liters.

It's not easy to fill a water pot of a hundred liters Six water pots like that. If you're willing to work hard Like those servants on your marriage you will discover That at the end the wine that Jesus produces is even better Than what the movies talk about happy marriages.

He can do a wonderful job. That is the message of the first miracle that Jesus did. That's what I mean by having faith the most important requirement for marriage is to have faith that God can solve any problem.

I don't know what your problem is. It doesn't matter what it is. What type of wine has run out in your life. But I want to say that Jesus can handle it. I Never find any situation Where Christ says, oh, that's tough.

I don't know how to handle that. He doesn't even know how to think. Immediately there's an answer whatever it is. He said, okay, let's go ahead and handle that. You know once he was going somewhere and some somebody came Interrupted him and diverted him and saying in Jairus's house.

His daughter is sick. He's okay. Let's go there and on the way They get the message don't trouble master at the master anymore. He's she's dead. So no, let's go there's no problem he can't solve and You will discover I Think you and I will discover when we get to heaven and we see the full picture of life on earth That it's not The most righteous people who got the best from God Is the ones who had faith who got the best from God?

It's not the ones who did not make a mess of their life who got the best from God. Sometimes the people who made a mess of their life got the best from God like the prodigal son. It's a question of faith supposing for example, your Married life is really bad you know like the Old heavens on the earth that were destroyed when Satan fell and it says in Genesis 1 verse 2 The earth was without shape.

Darkness was over the face of the deep and it was empty dark. And without any proper shape, maybe your marriage is like that. Another person's marriage is also like that, but that person has faith Lord I read in the first chapter of the Bible you made something beautiful out of that Rotten earth and you made it so good that even you could certify it is very good.

I Believe you can do it. But on the other hand you say oh, well, I don't know things are pretty bad. My husband doesn't understand. My wife doesn't understand put the blame on everybody, but yourself.

And it doesn't work out and you make a mess of your life and one day maybe you do get to heaven scrape there and scrape in there by the skin of your teeth and when you stand there and You discover that your life was your married life was pretty bad and You say what to do Lord?

My wife was like this or my husband was like this and that's my married life was pretty bad. And the Lord will call another couple here. They say come here Let me show you the video of their life and the Lord shows you a video of their married life and it was ten times worse than yours and Then the Lord says now I'll show you how what the matter life turned out to be a glorious married life.

You see how does that happen? And the Lord will say they trusted me you didn't that's all. You thought your mess was so bad that even I couldn't sort it out. But their married life was a bigger mess than yours.

But the difference was they believed that I could handle that, you know, we honor God so much when we Say God, there's nothing you cannot do you can handle anything. There's no problem. You cannot solve.

Abraham’s Faith in God’s Promise

Let me turn to Daniel. Sorry, not Daniel. Romans chapter 4. The great example from the Old Testament on faith is Abraham and He didn't have a marriage problem, but he had a family problem in the sense that he had no children.

Every father every married couple longs to have children and he didn't have one and not only that I mean He was frustrated. Because nothing seemed to happen and then the Lord told him that he would have a son and Not only have a son.

He said I'm gonna make you the father of many nations through one son and it says here. This is amazing word in Romans 4 Verse 17 as it is written a father of many sons. He started with a promise. You can't have faith if you don't have a promise from God.

You can't you know, that's the trouble with a lot of books on faith. They don't start with the promise from God they start with what people call visualization. There's a counterfeit teaching in the world called the new age teaching on new age movement which teaches Visualization.

It's a counterfeit faith. That means imagine, you know shut your eyes and imagine that you're going to have a Deep blue car or a Mercedes-Benz imagine Imagine that you've got a house with five bedrooms in it and you get it.

This is not faith. This is new age teaching. Abraham didn't sort of shut his eyes and imagine that his wife is going to bear a son. Any amount of visualization wouldn't have made Sarah pregnant. It was a word from God of I have made you a father of many nations.

He caught on to that word. It's a wonderful thing when you can lay hold of a promise from God and Base your faith on that put your foot on it build your house on it. That's a solid foundation and It says here in the presence of him whom he believed.

Even God who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist something that doesn't exist a happy marriage God God calls it into being and In hope against hope he believed there was absolutely no hope for a 90 year old woman to have a child.

But he believed. Why did he believe he didn't visualize he believed because God had given him a promise and That's why it's very important for you for you to read the scriptures to know the promises. I think of so many situations where you it's not that you can claim a promise for all types of situations, but suddenly a Word comes into your mind in some situation if you're walking with God and listening to his word and say Lord I'm gonna claim that you know when we were my wife and I were walking down a Friday evening to the railway station to catch the train in the dark this Person dropped this big six-foot handle iron handle on her foot and Boy she was in real pain and We somehow limped across to the compartment and I thought now what shall we do?

Why has God given us all these promises in scripture saying ask in my name? And I'll give it to you if you ask the father anything in my name. And there are a couple of brothers there with the with us and said okay.

We had two or three here now we can pray Jesus you're in our midst and if you ask for anything it'll be granted. I he's all just Wig sort of smoke in the sky type of thing which got nothing concrete about it.

I Said Lord, this is the time where I want to claim these promises in Jesus name. I am asking you that She'll be free and a word popped in into my mind, you know that where it's not one bone of his will be broken.

I said well, I'm not claiming that for life, but this particular situation. I claim that no bone will be broken and When I trust you that you'll be healed and in the name of Jesus walk tomorrow morning.

I didn't have faith to say walk right now, but I said walk tomorrow. Jesus would have said walk right now. I don't have that much faith and she did walk. What I'm saying is it was such a tremendous encouragement to me to the limit of my faith.

Faith Grows Through Obedience and Testing

All of us have got faith up to a certain limit. According to and my faith didn't come like that. It's worked through many many years as I've trusted God for little things and little more little more. It's like going from first standard to second standard third standard.

You can't jump up to 10th standard. Don't try and do that. You can't jump up to BSC. But if you start in kindergarten and you're faithful faithful, it's the school of faith. You've got to keep growing and you can and that's why God gives us these little examinations first standard examination second standard examination third standard examination.

Every examination is a promotion trust in the Lord you have problem in married life, whatever it is. It doesn't matter what it is trusting the Lord and Don't expect to answer 10 standard questions when you're in first standard.

Handle the first standard ones and then little by little you'll reach 10 standard one day. Don't look at somebody else who's doing a PhD and expect to be able to answer the questions. He can you don't have that faith, but you can get there in your married life if you work at it.

But if you're lazy. You can sit in first standard for 25 years. Every little thing that comes up. Don't just give up hope and say oh, there's no hope. Let the unbelievers and the atheists and all say that you say no.

God can solve this and little by little by little by little. You can go higher and higher it's a wonderful thing. So I say faith is the most important thing and In hope he against hope he believed and then it says in verse 19 without becoming faith weak in faith.

He contemplated is he didn't shut his eyes and say Oh visualize. Oh, my body is very strong. No, no. No, it says he looked at his body. No visualization it was as good as dead. He wasn't visualizing anything.

He was just facing reality. He wasn't imagining himself. I imagine Abraham, I'm not hundred years old. I'm a strong 30 year old. No I'm a hundred ninety nine year old guy and my body's as good as dead.

I'm an important man. It's impossible for me to produce a child. That's what my body is like and Then he looked at his wife dead. He didn't visualize some baby coming out of Sarah's womb or anything dead.

We must face reality. Not pretend. God never asked us to pretend. When Jesus touched the man's eyes and said, can you see properly? He said no, I can't see properly. It's all still vague men and trees look alike.

Is it? Okay. We pray for you again. God loves honest people who tell the truth. Don't believe all this rubbish of confessing something which is not yet happened in your life he Confessed God's Word. That's okay, but not what you visualize and He looked he's looked reality square in the face a dead marriage a Pretty miserable situation always fighting quarreling.

There's it looks as if there's no hope like he looked as if the no hope for a child you look as if you'll never. See a day when you'll have peace in your home, okay. Absolutely dead, but he did not waver in unbelief.

Christ’s Victory Over Destruction

He said God wants me to have a good marriage. I see that in chapter 2 of Genesis. And whoever's messed up my life married life. It's not God. It's the devil. Jesus said he has come to steal and to kill and to destroy.

He's come to steal all the happiness in marriage. He's come to kill what little life there is in the marriage and destroy it completely. Jesus said that but he said it's not the end of the sentence in John 10 verse 10, but I but I Have come that you might have life in your marriage and not only life but abundant life.

Why don't you claim a promise like that? Okay, the devil came and he stole he killed and he destroyed but Jesus has come. 1 John 3 verse 8. Beautiful promise. 1 John 3 verse 8 the Son of God is manifested to destroy the works of the devil.

Whatever Mess has been created in your marriage It's by the devil. You may blame your husband. You may blame your wife. You may blame mother-in-law father-in-law. They have only been instruments. Look behind those instruments and see the devil trying to mess up give you a very unhappy marriage.

If you keep concentrating looking on your mother-in-law and your wife inside, you'll never get anywhere. It's the devil put the blame on the devil who used various instruments and now look at Jesus and say Lord, I believe you're going to Sort it out.

You came to destroy the works of the devil. Well, that was done quite a bit work bit of work in my married life and you come to destroy it now and sort it All out. You come to give me life and. So he didn't waver at the problem, but grew strong in faith giving glory to God.

You know that verse has often helped me to understand. How do I give glory to God. All of us would say I want to give glory to God. Well, here's the way to give glory to God being fully assured verse 21.

Being fully assured that what God has promised He's able to perform not what I visualize God will do. No, but what God has promised He will perform. Has he told me? That if the devil has come to steal and kill and destroy he has come to give me life.

He will do it. He will do it as he does it say in the word the Son of God has come to destroy the works of the devil. He'll do it. You know, that's why it's so important to know these promises in Scripture.

The Sufficiency of Christ Over Psychological Techniques

I feel sorry for people Who walk around with all these wonderful? checks. Huge amounts of money inside the Bible and they don't even cash it. Think of this verse for example, what a fantastic check it is.

1 John 3 8 the Son of God is manifest to destroy the works of the devil every single one of them. I Believe that I didn't have that faith when I was a young Christian and you know, why not because I was young.

Because the preachers who preached to me didn't have their faith themselves and they never stirred up faith in me. They gave me all type of information about the Bible, but didn't create faith. They would read it like some Bible study and go to the root meaning of the Greek word and all that rubbish.

Instead of telling me. Hey, listen, Jesus can destroy the works of the devil in your life in your married life. What a difference that would have made in my life if I had heard that when I was young. You guys don't realize how lucky you are to hear the things that you hear.

Particularly you are young married couples. You can begin your married life knowing that Jesus can destroy the works of the devil. Don't waver in unbelief doesn't matter if it. Year by year Abraham had to wait 25 years and looks as if Sarah's womb is going deader and deader and but Lord I'm Going to give glory to you by being fully assured what you have promised you are able to perform.

I want to show you also Matthew chapter 19. See there are so many books on marriage and bringing up children all Techniques and this and that and the other it's all psychology a lot of it is psychology.

I don't want to stand up here and teach you psychology there enough if you want to read that. There are hundreds of books go and read them go on the internet. You'll find lots and lots of messages on happy married life and all I'll tell you this.

The only one who can sort out your problem is Jesus Christ. Not some psychological technique. Like they say from your office every half an hour call up your wife and say darling I love you. That's not the way to have a happy marriage.

To call up your wife every half an hour a lot of people do that. It doesn't succeed, but if you can trust God that he can do something He can do it. I Don't call up my wife every half an hour wherever I am and say I love you.

That's not the way I trust God. We must trust God that God will bring healing and life into our marriage. Matthew 19. Listen to this. He's talking about Marriage in verse 3 a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

This is Jesus speaking. The two shall become one flesh. What therefore God has joined together? Let no man separate what God has joined together. Let no one separate who joined you together. Almighty God.

It doesn't matter even if you were Non-christians and you got married in a temple. Do you believe a husband and wife who are married in a temple or a mosque have been joined by God? I? Believe it. Do you believe God recognizes that marriage was just conducted in a court or in a temple or a mosque?

Yes, because marriage is not for Christians. Marriage is for human beings. Adam was not a Christian. Adam was a human being. It was her human being that God gave a wife. Because if you say that that marriage conducted in a mosque is not a valid marriage.

Then that woman is unmarried you can go and marry her. What do you think of doing that. You'd get into trouble with the law of the land. She is married. God recognized it because marriage was meant for human beings and.

So what God is joined together? It doesn't matter you say well, I didn't pray and seek God's will. Before I got married doesn't make a difference. You think those people who got married. All the non-christians who get married seek God's will.

They don't some of them don't even believe in God but God Accepts the fact that once a man and wife come together and they become one flesh they are married in God's eyes. God has joined them and nobody should separate them and.

So He now you see that they are the two have become one and look at this wonderful word. I wish you would remember this all your life. Just this little expression in verse 6. They are no longer two. But one they are no longer two, but one.

That's a word of God and. Then he says. Therefore nobody should separate them. And so if the devil tries to separate you by separate I don't mean divorce. Divorce is out of the last stage. Where the marriage is dead?

But long before that when the devil is trying to separate you by. You don't talk to each other for a few days or you don't talk to each other for a few hours. Or you don't talk to each other for one minute because you're angry.

Separation has come may not be divorced yet. There is a separation if you're so angry with your partner that you won't talk to that person for the next 30 seconds. I tell you separation has already come.

May not be divorced. But is the first step towards it if there's ever in a time in my life. That I get so upset with my wife. That I won't talk to her for the next 15 seconds. The devil has already come between us.

Do you recognize that? Or do you say well, it's not such a long time. I mean, I just didn't got a bit upset for five minutes. You didn't get upset for five minutes brother. The devil brought a division between you.

Call it what you like. He took a scissors and cut something. He didn't cut the whole thing, but there is a cut there and you got to stitch it up. You can keep on stitching it up. You can keep on having cuts and keep on having stitch it up, but your shirt will be full of stitches after a while.

Why not avoid that why not recognize the Lord Says you two are not two you are one and if you keep on Thinking that the fault is with your wife. You're just following in Adam's footsteps this woman. She's the cause of the problem.

God and don't forget you gave her to me. So part of the problem is with you as well. Why in the world did God give me such a wife? Do you know there are Christian husbands who go around saying that I can prophesy.

They'll never have a good marriage because they glorify the devil every single day. You glorify the devil. This is too big a problem. My wife is so bad. Even Almighty God cannot change her. That's exactly like the Israelites said on the borders of Canaan.

Oh, these giants are so big even Almighty God. You cannot get rid of them. Well, you say that None of them entered the promised land and neither will you not because God couldn't do it. But because you feel that the problem is bigger than God.

So the most important aspect of faith is I don't care what your problem is. You must believe that God is bigger than the problem. The whole Bible teaches that whether it's lack of wine in Cana or big giants in Canaan same thing God is bigger than the problem.

I don't care what it is and we are in the New Covenant where we can have faith where I don't consider myself and my wife as two we are one and Anything that tries to come to separate me even for five seconds.

That's the devil. That's not God. Anything I don't care what it is. He could be just a little Misunderstanding, you know, sometimes there's a little division in the mind and think of the devil come with a pair of scissors he's already snipped up something in your mind a little misunderstanding.

A Lot of problems with any husbands and wives are due to misunderstanding in communication, you know, because we are fallen creatures. We're not perfect. Our understanding is not perfect. You may say something with one particular meaning and Maybe your wife is or your husband is under some pressure at that time because of work or something else or she's thinking about something else and Hears you and doesn't hear the spirit in which you have said it.

Here's the words and interprets it in another way husband and wife. Which marriage has not experienced that I? Say if you say you haven't experienced that in your marriage. I'll tell you to your face.

You're a liar. Now the question is how do you handle that? The devil is bringing a misunderstanding about something. My husband said or my wife said if you're a wise person. And say hey, we're not supposed to be two.

We're supposed to be one. I'm not going to listen to the devil. Maybe I need to talk to my partner and clarify him. I mean, I didn't understand something here. What exactly. I just want to understand you better.

It's clear instead of that. You can keep it in your mind. Let it fester and fester and become like pus. Destroying your marriage. Who did that you? You just cooperated with the devil in allowing it to fester in your mind.

Remember my dear brothers and sisters in marriage your battle is not with your wife or husband. It is with Satan. If only Adam and Eve had recognized it is not my wife. It's Satan instead of pointing at his wife.

He should have pointed to the devil and say that's the one. But he pointed at his wife. So let's stop pointing our fingers at each other. There's a great verse in the Old Testament, which I love. About how your marriage can be like a watered garden.

A Watered Garden and Reconciled Marriage

Isaiah 58. Imagine if your life is like Eden is a picture of a beautiful marriage. And it says in Isaiah and chapter 58. About this watered garden in verse 11. You'll be like a watered garden. Think of that as your marriage like a watered garden.

Your marriage will be like a spring of water. Whose waters do not fail? How does it happen? Because in the midst of your problem verse 9 you call upon the Lord and the Lord answers you cry and immediately he says here I am and You stop pointing the finger at each other.

That's what it says there. Do you read it? When you call upon the Lord stop pointing your finger at each other. Then your life will be like a watered garden. Don't pray to God if you're pointing your finger at your husband and wife and say Lord change my wife or change my husband.

He's not going to listen to you first of all and nothing will happen. I mean if the servants had gone and complained saying the manager at Cana. He should have thought about how many people are coming and arranged for more wine.

They didn't point the finger at anybody. They just did what Jesus told them to do filled up the water pots. That was wine better wine than they ever had. God can solve every problem. You know one of the first problems that come in marriage is exactly what Jesus said here for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother.

Leaving Parents and Cleaving to One’s Spouse

I Find in India that is almost the number one cause of problems. That man and woman they are more attached to their parents Than to each other. They are not one with each other. They are one with their old daddy and mummy and Daddy and mummy also shed their tears and try to make that attachment very close.

Why in the world did an Almighty God say a man must leave his father and mother and leave to his wife. Yeah, you have to do that. If you don't do it. If there's no leaving or the leaving is improper the cleaving will also be improper.

Leave and cleave. That's what he says here in Matthew 19 you leave and you cleave. That's the first commandment in the Bible. Did you know that the very first commandment in the Bible. The only commandment given before sin came.

It's at the end of Genesis 2 Which says a man must leave his father and mother and Cleave to his wife. Do you think that was given for Adam? What do you say yes or no all great Bible scholars? Don't you know the answer.

Adam didn't have a father and mother why should he should God tell him to leave his father and mother? He never had a father. It was written for us That in marriage a man must leave his father and mother and Cleave to his wife, then only they'll be the leaving is proper the cleaving will be proper now.

The leaving has to be emotional. It's not always possible physically. I know very poor families in the villages in India who sometimes cannot afford To move into a separate house if they can it's good, but sometimes they can't.

What is good does God care only for rich people who can afford to rent a separate house. That's not the God I believe in. There are a lot of people who live in a separate house. We live a thousand miles away from their parents and the father and mother are pulling the strings even from thousand miles.

That's not leaving and Another family may be living in the same house due to poverty as their parents and the father and mother are not able to pull Any strings there? My wife and I were very poor when we got married believe it or not we could not afford to rent a house.

It's true. We had to live in one room of our parents house and. But I did not let them pull the strings. I Left them and I know from experience you can live in the same house and not allow your parents to pull strings.

And I know from what I've heard from many other people. Parents can live 10 ,000 miles away and pull the strings. There must be an emotional detachment, it's not that you don't care for them. The greatest example is Jesus.

Jesus, Mary, and the Priority of Marriage

Jesus didn't get married to a woman. But there was a day in his life the age of 30 the father said come out of your home now. You're married to me. He was married to his father and He it says in Matthew 4 that he shifted his house from Nazareth to Capernaum.

But that's because he he would have so many visitors coming and he didn't want to trouble his brothers and sisters and mother. He lived separately and the very next thing you read is the marriage at Cana.

Where Mary why did she go to Jesus. Jesus had never done a miracle till that day. Have you ever thought why she went to Mary Jesus and said they don't have any wine. Because she had seen through 30 years not miracles.

She had never seen one miracle, but she had seen this amazing son of hers who was so resourceful resourceful not miraculous so resourceful that almost any problem in the home he would be able to find some way of solving it and she had watched that for 30 years and said I Think in this house.

There's only one person whom I can go to to find a solution to this problem. That's my son. And can you imagine the shock she gets when he turns around and says woman? What have I got to do with you? Wow.

Is this the same boy? I've watched for 30 years who always said mommy. Sure. Sure. I'll do it right now mom. Woman, what have I got to do with you? She got the shock of her life. Jesus was leaving his earthly mother.

Saying I'm not your old son anymore. I Moved into another realm. That's what every man needs to say. You don't have to call your mother woman, but you got to have that same spirit. Where you are detached.