Episode 628: TLP 628: Parental Woes

We are too often tempted to believe our parenting is successful simply because our sons aren't doing drugs and our daughters aren't pregnant

Good grades are the mark of good parenting, right? Parenting isn't about us. In fact parenting isn't even about our kids

Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God So welcome to the truth love parent podcast where we train dads and moms to give

God the preeminence in their parenting Welcome to season 35 in our 10th year of biblical parental podcasting

I am your host Aaron Brewster and I'm honored to have you with me whether this is your first time or you've been with us since the beginning

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So let's jump in Today's topic is parental woes now most of the time people talk about the parenting woes

It's a bunch of parents in a school pickup line Complaining about the schedule or a guy bemoaning his home situation to the guys at work or some equally unhealthy outlet

That is not what we're going to discuss today We're not gonna sit here and whine about how hard it is to be a parent Oh, what was me now?

We do have a series called the biggest parenting challenges you will ever face But that isn't a gripe session either because you know

Complaining is a sin that series is all about preparing you to see and biblically address the challenges you will definitely face in your parenting as I mentioned earlier any resources

I shared during the podcast will be linked for you in the description of this episode and The what I just said is there for you

So no, we won't be looking at the hardships of parenting What we're going to discuss is instead a famous passage from Matthew 23 where Jesus himself levies seven woes

Against spiritual leaders and guess what my friends biblical parents are nothing if not spiritual leaders

Now you may be familiar with the passage in question or you may have never heard of it before either way stay with us because It's all applicable to our parenting

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All right. Let's look at Jesus's seven parental woes as Was mentioned earlier will be in Matthew 23 and be spending most of our time in verses 13 through 36

But let's make sure that we are all acquainted with number one the recipients of these woes.

I Said the original audience were religious leaders to be specific They were the most influential of the

Jewish religious leaders in the first century and they were called the scribes and Pharisees The scribes are probably what you're picturing they copied the scriptures

But they were also teachers and interpreters of the law and the word Pharisee Communicated something very similar to the political monikers of today

The title encompassed everyone of the time who had certain theological beliefs concerning the Old Testament and who strove to perfectly keep the law

These people were the spiritual leaders of the day because many of them functioned in the political and religious forums

They were teachers legal experts. They would sit on the Sanhedrin and would hold positions of authority in the synagogues

Now each time Jesus refers to them. We're going to find the addition of a pejorative Every time

Jesus levies a woe against the scribes and Pharisees. He will refer to them as Hypocrites, this will be a very important point at the end of our show today

But I don't want to get lost on who they were but more what they represented Again, other than the priests they were the bureaucrats.

They were movers and shakers and cultural influencers They were the spiritual leaders of the day

James 3 verse 1 tells us do not many of you become teachers my brothers knowing that we will receive a stricter judgment

Jesus explains this phenomenon when he observed in Matthew 18 6 whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble

It is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck and then he be drowned in the depths of the sea

In episode 43 of the show we talked about training your children to rebel and we discussed this millstone necklace that people deserve who encouraged disobedience to God We also have the false parents series which shows

God's view of false teachers and false prophets The point is God hates it when people lie to others about who he is and what he said and what he expects from us

So yes It is abundantly appropriate for us parents the spiritual leaders in our homes the ones who are to be rearing our children in the nurture and admonition of the

Lord to stop and consider that if Jesus is levying these woes against spiritual leaders who do what the scribes and Pharisees were doing

I had better make sure my parenting isn't guilty of the same things Now before we continue

Consider the first woe. Let's briefly establish what a woe is The Greek word translated woe in these seven verses is used 47 times in the

New Testament and always expresses a grief or a denunciation It's like saying how dare you or I denounce you or you have been weighed in the balance and found wanting

It's a powerful word Okay, so let's now work through number two the seven parental woes letter a

Woe to parents who aren't children of God and who encouraged their kids not to be children of God Matthew 23 13 reads but woe to you scribes and Pharisees hypocrites

Because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people for you do not enter in yourselves

Nor do you allow those who are entering to go in? Now, let's be honest if you're listening to this podcast, you're definitely thinking right now.

Well, that's not me I love the God of the Bible and try to teach my kids all about him but my friends we have to grapple with the fact that the scribes and Pharisees also

Believed with all of their hearts that they loved the God of the Bible and dedicated their entire lives to not only teaching people about Him and his word, but also living a very strict and devout life in the process

They believed they were doing everything the right way Jesus was not talking to atheists prostitutes gang members and drug dealers

He was talking to these spiritual authorities the people who knew the word and these people were

Constantly offended by Jesus's criticisms and condemnations because they absolutely believed he was insane for suggesting

They would not enter heaven and they did not allow others to enter this means that if they who were more acquainted with the

Old Testament scriptures and most of us are with our Completed scriptures and who lived more aggressively devout lives and most of us even try if these people were mistaken about their

Spiritual leadership, what are the chances we may be to at least a little? I'm going to let that needling question just kind of sit there as we consider the next well

Let her be Woe to parents who are in it for what they get out of it Now you might have a version of the

Bible that doesn't include this Well, this one actually is considered kind of like the eighth Well, because some of the earliest manuscripts of the

New Testament do not include this verse I'm gonna set aside textual criticism for the moment and include it today because the legacy standard

Bible includes it with a footnote and there's Something to learn from it either way verse 14 reads woe to you scribes and Pharisees Hypocrites because you devour widows houses and for a pretense you make long prayers

Therefore you will receive greater condemnation These spiritual leaders were all about what they would get many were motivated by money

Popularity and power and guess what there are a lot of well -meaning parents who have similar motivations

Some just want a little person to mold others are thinking about how their kids will take care of them when they're old

Some control freaks just like having subservience to boss around But even more purposeful parents can be tempted to parent the way they do

Because they want people to perceive them a certain way or not the least of which of course is their own children

We have a number of episodes and series about this kind of parenting that is designed to massage and even manipulate our kids

Into doing what we want Woe to that kind of parent Let her see what a parents who turn their children into versions of themselves

Matthew 23 15 woe to you scribes and Pharisees Hypocrites because you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte and when he becomes one

You make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves This is pretty straightforward

These individuals went to great lengths to make carbon copies of themselves and we should all know that the best teachers put out students

Who go on to surpass the teachers themselves? We see exactly that happening here. Of course, once again, it'll be super easy to say

Yeah, but what if I love God and I turn my kids into a version of me? Well in 1st

Corinthians 11 1 Paul did say be imitators of me just as I am also of Christ and Philippians 3 17

He said join in following my example and look for those who walk according to the pattern you have in us

And in 2nd Thessalonians 3 Paul talks about being a model for the Thessalonians that they would imitate him and those with him

But there's always a caveat What they're called to imitate in Paul was always the way in which he was already like Christ or becoming like Christ Therefore the imitation was ultimately an imitation of Christ himself

That sort of parenting is fantastic It's not what Jesus is condemning here, but it's also so often not what we're doing in our parenting whether consciously or subconsciously

We want our kids to make the same food and friends and clothing and music and lifestyle choices that we make because we think they're best

And they would be better off if they did We have rules that only enforce our own opinions and preferences and comforts

And we also do what the scribes and Pharisees did in religious matters We want our kids to prescribe to a label or a tradition

But in so doing we actually either teach them incorrectly and we encourage them to follow a system instead of a

Savior We actually invite them into rocky hearted living If you want to know more about what a rocky hearted child is like, please listen to the four children series

Now you might be thinking when are we going to talk about how I can identify and avoid this in my parenting?

Well, I've tried to identify some of the motivations that underpin this woeful parenting as we've gone through some of the behaviors that we'll adopt

But I will answer this question in more detail shortly Letter D. Woe to parents who have the wrong priorities

Jesus dedicated more time to this than any of the others because he wanted them to understand why their spiritual leadership was bad verses 16 through 22 read

Woe to you blind guides who say whoever swears by the sanctuary that is nothing

But whoever swears by the gold of the sanctuary is obligated you fools and blind men for which is more important the gold or the sanctuary that sanctified the gold and Whoever swears by the altar that is nothing but whoever swears by the offering on it.

He is obligated You blind men which is more important the offering or the altar that sanctifies the offering therefore whoever swears by the altar swears both by the altar and by everything on it and whoever swears by the

Sanctuary swears both by the sanctuary and by him who dwells within it and whoever swears by heaven swears both by the throne of God and by him who sits upon it

Now I'm not gonna spend a lot of time at this point because it's pretty self -evident But when we make the process more important than the person when we have goals other than God's glory when we're so consumed with chores

And food and vacations and entertainment and homework and semantics Then we are the God for whom we were created to live and testify.

We're foolish and blind and woe to us Let her eat woe to parents who pick and choose how they submit to God Verses 23 to 24 tell us woe to you scribes and Pharisees Hypocrites for you tithe mint and dill and cumin and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law justice and mercy and faithfulness

But these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others you blind guides who strain out a gnat but swallow a camel

The Pharisees were super good at the quantifiable and formulaic expectations of the law

But for the more esoteric and spiritual requirements They were incapable of creating a rubric and so really didn't give it too much attention assumed

They were fine or played off the apparent subjectiveness We too are so often tempted to claim that our parenting is successful because our sons aren't doing drugs and our daughters aren't pregnant

Good grades must be the mark of good parenting, right? Our kids are definitely better behaved and so many others.

We're doing a great job But the weightier matters justice and mercy and faithfulness those seemingly subjective hard to quantify from a human perspective

Character traits are so much more important than wearing the right clothes eating correctly

Only watching quote -unquote clean movies and reading your Bible every day Of course, each of those things has their place but without the weightier provisions of the law, they are worthless

Letter F. Woe to parents who are selfish Matthew 23 25 through 26 reads

Woe to you scribes and Pharisees Hypocrites for you clean the outside of the cup and the dish but inside they are full of robbery and self -indulgence

You blind Pharisee first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish so that the outside of it may become clean also

The outside looks great, but the heart is selfish We have an extremely foundational and seminal series called the

Mears Christianity that covers biblical truths We and our kids absolutely must understand if the fruit of our lives is going to please the

Lord the roots cannot be selfish self -serving and self -worshipping In a similar way to our last point these parents work hard on the superficials without recognizing and addressing the absolutely vital heart

God requires of his people Compounding the accusations Jesus presents in verses 27 and 28 another woe that follows the same theme

Letter G. Woe to parents who are impure Woe to you scribes and Pharisees Hypocrites for you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful But inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness in this way

You also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness

Like the last and first Accusations woe to parents whose external life is not consistent with the spiritual realities of their inner man

We've talked about this so much in our family devotional through 1st John People who say or try to act like they're living in the light, but who have the darkness in their heart

They are lying and they don't know the truth But we're running short on time and there's still much to discuss so letter

H. Woe to parents who follow the wrong spiritual leaders Matthew 23 29 through 33 says woe to you scribes and Pharisees hypocrites for you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the

Monuments of the righteous and say if we had been living in the days of our fathers We would not have been partners with them in shedding the blood of the prophets

So you bear witness against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets Fill up then the measure of your guilt of your father's you serpents you brood of vipers.

How will you escape the sentence of hell? The path we walk gives clear testament to the influences we've chosen to follow as We discussed in our authority series there is inherent and inherited authority, but I don't think

I mentioned it on the series But there's also invited authority this involves people who don't actually have inherited or inherent authority in our lives

We give them permission to have an authoritative influence over us When we choose to follow the teachings of someone or we subscribe to another's worldview

But those truths do not agree with God's Word woe on us Now, like I said, we need to wrap up, but we also need to do so in a practical relevant and applicable way

So we're going to kind of repeat our first point but with new eyes number three the recipients of these woes

Woe to parents who push their children from God who use their parenting for personal gain Woe to us who would turn our children into us

Those who have secular priorities that dethrone the divine priorities Woe to parents who pick and choose how and when they submit to God who are selfish who are impure and who submit themselves to unqualified spiritual authorities and As terrible as all of those things sound

I Have been guilty of them all. I have pushed my children to my own desires

Even when that meant I was encouraging idol worship. I have parented for my comfort and pleasure

I have not had my gaze so filled with heavenly realities that I didn't parent with mere secular notions in mind

I have consciously and unconsciously decided that I didn't need to rear my children the nurture and the admonition of the

Lord in that particular Scenario, I didn't need to talk of God and his Word when I was walking and standing and sitting and lying.

I Have parented selfishly. I have parented impurely Now this last one

I do far less often But I'm sure I've allowed philosophies incongruous with the scriptures to motivate and inform my parenting

And why do I do these things? Why do you because you do too? Well the beginning of Matthew 23 actually gives us the answer

Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples saying the scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses Therefore all that they tell you do and keep now, this is

Jesus acknowledging their inherent authority But do not do according to their deeds for they say things and do not do them and they tie up heavy burdens and lay them

On men's shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men

For they brought in their phylacteries and lengthened the tassels of their garments and they loved the place of honor at banquets and the best seats

In the synagogues and respectful greetings in the marketplaces And being called rabbi by men This is why

Jesus calls them hypocrites they have one standard for everyone else and another for themselves

If you listen to our fifth parent material, you will see how easy it is for all of us to slip into this type of hypocritical judgmental parenting

Now i've mentioned this before but it's important to reiterate A hypocrite is not somebody who says that we all need to glorify

God but who sins Confesses apologizes and repents that is to be human.

That's the process to which God calls us A hypocrite is someone who expects other people to do it, but does not ever or truly expect it of themselves

We are hypocrites when we tell our kids they need to be more christ -honoring But the motivation of our parenting is truly so that we can just have five minutes of silence

We expect our kids to read their bibles, but we constantly justify not reading our own I'm a hypocrite when

I claim to be God's ambassador, but nothing but man's parenting philosophies pervade my speech And i'm definitely a hypocrite if those realities don't convict me and call me to change

And the final five verses of this portion of the chapter provides the fix the answer to all of this

It says but do not be called rabbi for one is your teacher and you are all brothers

And do not call anyone on earth your father for one is your father he who is in heaven Do not be called instructors for one is your instructor that is christ

But the greatest among you shall be your servant And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled

And whoever humbles himself Shall be exalted And those are the verses that lead right into his seven woes

You know what our biggest issue is as parents Well actually is everything

We're prideful Our thoughts and actions and words and feelings are consumed with self.

What do I want? How do I feel? But pride isn't the only problem. We're also arrogant

We don't just think too much of ourselves. We think too highly of ourselves I should say we don't think of ourselves too often, which we do

We also when we do think of ourselves think too highly Of course, our opinions are right.

Of course, what we want is best Of course, I need to feel a certain way even when god says

I shouldn't And that causes us to be hypocrites We talk a good game Our parenting is often on point from the way it sounds but really it's all about us

Therefore I will tell you to do something. I have no desire to do myself. I'll judgmentally hold you to a standard

I will not expect of myself Instead we must be humble Humility destroys hypocrisy humility submits humility doesn't think too much of itself humility doesn't think about itself at all

Its motivation is god and his glory We can teach without needing to be viewed as the teacher

We don't have to be the center of our spiritual authority. We follow christ and we invite others to follow as we follow him

We serve the father and our children by being god's ambassador to them We don't need to exalt ourselves.

It's not about what I want or think or I think I need or feel it's about pleasing my savior

That my friends is the only way to avoid the parental woes Otherwise our prideful arrogant hypocrisy will cause us to push our children away from god's will as we push them toward our own

Our arrogance will cause us to parent for personal gain We will inadvertently turn our children into us prideful hypocrites

We will focus on selfish priorities that dethrone the lords We'll pick and choose how and when we submit to god's but expect our kids will toe the line

We'll be selfish impure and ultimately unqualified to be spiritual leaders

So Please share this Episode so that your parenting community your family your church family can all learn from the bad example of the scribes and pharisees but most importantly

Learn to be a humble parent who glorifies god And never hesitate to email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 If we can provide personalized biblical counsel for your current circumstance

And then be sure to join us next time as we discuss confrontation done, right? If we're going to be a humble family, then we need to confront our kids and spouse when necessary but we also need to do it correctly or Woe to us

I'll see you then Truth love parent is part of the evermind ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship god through your parenting

So join us next time as we study god's word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness

And remember that tlp is a listener supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com