Marriage and Divorce - Part 5 — Don Courville

The last few weeks on Eagle's Wings we've been covering the subject of marriage and divorce. We're going to continue on today, but I'd like to start off by asking you a question. Why was the emphasis made on one flesh matter of fact Malachi said and did not he make one?

The Gospel of Grace and Human Sin

Why was? Why was it that God? Declared that a man and a wife would become one. Well Malachi answered that force and we'll come back to that in a few minutes. Heavenly Father We commit this program to you.

We ask that you'd open up our eyes and our ears to hear to see that what you want. We pray for any that do not know Jesus as their Savior that they'd come to know this precious Precious one who died for us in his name the wonderful name of Jesus we pray Amen.

By the way before we get into the subject of marriage and divorce which has brought quite a response I'd like to just remind you that if you have not received the free gift that God offers to the human race Let me encourage you to do it because without receiving this gift you won't get into heaven.

Many many think that they can get into heaven by by Their own works and the scripture tells us that by our own works We won't be justified our own works according to the scriptures or just as filthy rags but he wants us to receive this free gift for we've all sinned.

The scripture says all have sinned and come short of the glory of God and That's why Christ came into the world to save us of sin wherefore is by one man sin Entered into the world and death by sin and so death passed upon all men for that all of sin.

I heard a few weeks ago about one that was trying to argue or Just expressed opinion that they were not a sinner. That's a great mistake to make. We're all sinners. If we're not all sinners, then God's a liar and we know that God's not a liar, but our sin is an offense to him and He has done something about it for us and that is he died on the cross for our sins.

But not as the offense Romans 5 15. Not as the offense so also is the free gift for if through the offense of one Many be dead that's through Adam sin brought our this human race into sin. The scripture goes on to say much more the grace of God and the gift by grace, which is by one man.

Who is that anyway? Jesus Christ. That's who it is at the bounded unto many and not as it were by one that sinned. So is the gift for the judgment was by one to condemnation see Adam brought us into condemnation.

But yet where we won't be condemned because of his sin. We will become be condemned for our own sin. The scripture goes on to say for the judgment was by one to condemnation. But the free gift is of many offenses unto justification.

For if by one man's offense death reigned by one. That's Adam sin much more. They which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one Jesus Christ to think that you can reign not only get to heaven.

But you can reign with Christ if you'll received that gift. Let me encourage you to receive the gift of life because the scripture goes on to say again in Romans 5. I've just been reading to you scriptures 518 therefore is by one by the offense of one.

There's Adam sin again judgment came upon all men to condemnation and we're we're in Adam. You're an Adam if you're not saved you're you're an Adam lost. But if you receive Christ as your Savior you go into the second Adam, which is Christ.

Even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life. All you have to do is receive what's the prerequisite of receiving its repenting repenting of your righteousness repenting of your way of salvation and Receiving God's way which is to die on the cross and shed his blood for our sins and to rise again the third day.

And then you enter into the life of grace. Well, we're going to continue on this subject of Marriage and divorce and Again let me just emphasize as I was talking to you if you haven't received Christ as your Savior.

Get on your knees now and call out to him. Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. I can't stress this too much how important it is to do it. Now the Bible says today is the day of salvation.

So even before we get into this program, please Receive Christ as your Savior. Tomorrow may be too late. Many people have a sorrowful well in hell in hell for all eternity. Tomorrow was too late. Tomorrow was too late.

Today is the day of salvation. So pray and receive Christ as your Savior right now now I've had a great response to this program and there's been a Sort of something that surprised me in this response and we're going to go on because of the response to this.

God's just pricked my heart but out of the feedback. I've received By word of mouth and hearing things and then with the mail. This has really surprised me. I Haven't received or heard that's not to say that it's not out there but I haven't heard one negative response to this series on marriage and divorce and there have been requests for the tape, so I guess we'll have to get out the Tape machine and make some copies off for you.

Those of you that wanted the copies and we're gonna have another one at least today and maybe we'll continue on because you know One of our tendencies today We've got a great Ability to do this is to point out all the flaws and all the problems in the church and each other's lives and all this Stuff around but who's got answers to fix these things.

Well, God's got the answers to fix this area of marriage and And many of us have made great mistakes in life and there's probably besides making the great mistake of not receiving your Savior Christ is your Savior.

The greater mistake is to have a mess up in your life in the area of marriage. But there is hope there is a way out there is a way to We could maybe put it like this to have your life greased with grace to live by the grace of God.

Testimonies and Ministry After Marital Failure

And I'd like to share maybe a couple letters that I've received to just show you how How God is working in lives. One of the letters is from a friend radio friend and I'll just share this with you. This man's divorced.

He said I I needed to drop you a Note about your word on divorce last Sunday. This is a friend of mine that we've had many discussions Because of the radio broadcast, but he says on the Sunday the 19th.

It was one of the most complete studies I believe I have heard you do you brought a very clear message on a subject that needs more than just a passing comment? And I'll say that's probably very true.

We don't really get a good study on this today. He says I am giving a copy of the tape to a fellow believer that does not agree with me on the subject. I will tell you that I have been Divorced and I find people are generally more prone to listen because I am NOT coming to them in a self-righteous standpoint.

God bless and guide you your friend and I appreciate that letter from a friend of mine a radio friend, and I really appreciate that. I really I appreciate any response you give if you don't like something.

I really I appreciate that too. It's We need to communicate with one another now, that's very important what he said there at the last that Let me say it again I've been divorced and I find people are generally more prone to listen because I have I'm not coming to them in a self-righteous standpoint many do not know that even though that they have made a Mistake and maybe had a crash in their life or just something that God has later Dealt with them on that they can do any good, but that's not true.

They can do much good there can be a great ministry in this area if you've had a crash in your life and God has showed you what you did wrong, and you've confessed to the sin and you've been repentant and broken.

What do you do from there? Well God can use you to be a minister to others that are maybe heading this way and you've already gone down that road and in A church you can have a tremendous ministry helping your pastor.

Working with the elders in the church and being a encourager and a witness to Young couples marry those may be having troubles in their marriage. You can be a great help and we're going to get into how you can do that today another Note, I wanted to share with you.

Please send me your your sermons on marriage, and I don't know how many we're going to have on this yet. I heard one of them on 10 12 97 October 12. I'm divorced against my will and I want to know where I stand according to the Bible.

Thanks, and then is his name. I appreciate that note also. Where do you stand according to the Bible and that's the purpose of this program today to get into the area of where do you? Stand from there.

Becoming a Rebuilder After Divorce

Let me just say it in a word. You stand at that point as a rebuilder, you know. Somebody comes in as if you're a little kid, you know. And you're out there in your sandbox and the neighbor kid comes through and stomps all over your castle.

What do you do? Well, you may cry shed some tears you can run to mommy. But if you got anything inside of you at all you come back out and you rebuild. Your castle sure. It may not be exactly like it was before but you rebuild it the best you can and that's what we're gonna Say to you is that you rebuild and then what is has is rebuilt in your life by the grace of God is going to be a testimony and a witness of the grace of God in your Life and I have today seven goals of a rebuilder that I want to share with you.

But first of all, I want to get some more introductory stuff in there. And we'll probably cover just the first one and I'll name all seven to you. You know, there's helps out there. There's materials believe it or not that can help you besides just all these books.

There's hundreds of books. There is there is a rebuilders manual and I have a supplement to that that I'm going to share some stuff with you that's available to help you in your life and These things are tools.

They're just tools that you use to guide you through. You know the standard I need to say this the standard is One husband to one wife. That's what the scripture says and as we've gone through if you haven't listened in the last few weeks.

We went through to establish a very strong Bible foundation that God intended that the man and the wife once they're married be married until death and a piece of paper want Just a null that marriage.

That's man's ways to fix things up. But you know, we know how man how we fix things up. We usually do a lousy job of fixing things up unless we follow God's Word and so that's what we did we went through Scriptures showing you that God intended that the marriage be until death you say do you have a scripture right off the top of your head?

I sure do. How about this one. Romans 7 and verse 1 2 3 verses 1 through 3. No, you're not brethren for I speak to them that know the law how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he Liveth for the woman which hath and husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth.

But if the husband be dead she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if while her husband liveth she be married to another man. She shall be called an adulteress, but if her husband be dead she is free from that law so that she is no Adulteress though she be married to another man.

And I know you have many questions and whatever ever and you write me in if you have a specific thing right in to me. And we'll try to deal with it, but we're gonna cover some of those things. What if what if you got you were.

You got into this situation or that and we'll just come out up with some of these things and talk to you about them. But let me let me say this. About our position today in the church. We're you know I don't have to tell you we're in bad shape.

You know that but if we don't shape up and repent many of our churches are going to just flat crash because you can't fly without wings and This thing of taking the Word of God and changing it and coming up with all these different Bibles just as God intended a man to have one Wife he intended us to have one Bible.

And I believe the King James is the Bible that God want us to have all these other versions are bringing confusion. And they have opened up you may not realize it, and I haven't gone into this to give you a detailed discourse on it.

But they have opened up to give allowance to a false doctrine that you can be Divorced and remarried. Without death death and we've already covered the scriptures to show you that scripturally. It's not possible, but you can build your doctrine to believe the other way with these other versions.

I'm not getting into that today, but I want to say this to you in Jesus day. They had almost made the law of no effect, and if you know the New Testament. You know what I'm saying is true. They'd almost made it of no effect they had the Word of God all wrapped up in their own interpretation in dead traditions and so when Jesus came along he took them back to the beginning of Genesis one man one wife until death.

He took them back to the beginning and this the Pharisees the religious leaders of the day of the day had messed things up. So bad it was it was just bad and when Jesus come along He just blew all of that stuff that they had like a puff of smoke blew it away and exposed them for the hypocrites.

They were trying to cover up their own adulterous lifestyle from the beginning. Jesus said it was not so and so we go back to the beginning and Let me let me say this too, and I know we have lots of introduction.

But I believe if we need to build a foundation on this Theodore Epp in his little book marriage divorce and remarriage very very good. He said so Christ's words concerning divorce and remarriage were intended to strip away the false Teaching the Jews had woven around the Old Testament law it is especially significant to notice the words fornication and adultery and we've covered that in detail as recorded in Matthew 5 32 when used by itself the Greek word translated fornication in Matthew 5 32 can refer to every kind of abnormal sexual relationship.

However, when the word is used in contrast to the Greek word for adultery a special distinction is being made. This is an exceedingly Important point in the whole discussion of whether or not there are grounds for divorce and remarriage.

Let me Reemphasize what he said again exceedingly important point. Today when people refer to a reason for divorce and remarriage, they are usually thinking of adultery. But Jesus said that during Moses time the ground for divorce and remarriage was fornication not Adultery and he goes on to say it's pointed out in chapter 3.

The words fornication and adultery are not identical in meaning both refer to sexual sin. But as used in the scriptures fornication refers to the sexual act before marriage and adultery to elicit sexual relations after marriage now this is a very difficult area and Not many pastors will tackle it.

A lot of pastors are not qualified to tackle it and I've got stories I've got some more stories. I can tell you if you want stories. We need the scriptures though. That's what we need. But isn't it's an important area.

Why is it so important? There's there's at least two main reasons one because of the type of the church Ephesians 5 and we've already touched on that a little Bit, but the second I wanted to share with you by way of introduction is this one from Malachi chapter 2 and And Malachi referred to one One and did not he make one you see when a man and woman come together in marriage They are one Jesus called it one flesh.

God emphasized they are one flesh in Genesis 2 and Malachi went on to say I'm in Malachi 2 15, by the way, this whole chapter is powerful and Maybe we'll come back a little later and cover the chapter.

It's good. It's really good. It clarifies What's going on, but he says yet had he the residue of the Spirit wherefore one in other words. Why one why would God want a man and a woman to be one? This is our question.

Why would he call them one flesh? One flesh and you don't separate one flesh without Pain you tear an arm off and it hurts. That's why that's why when there's a divorce There's so much pain in the heart.

That's why the children are literally torn apart and Those of you that have gone through this know what I'm talking about I've never experienced it and because of that that one thing alone. That's one of the requirements.

We already covered that for a man to be in an elder position or pastor position is not to be divorced and. And If you have someone that you know that's in a elder position or pastor position or whatever that is divorced and and remarried and and and according to Scripture you see that they're wrong then pray for them and Unless God directs you to say something you be very careful about that.

You'd be very careful, but it is your duty to pray for me or anybody else. When God shows you something that's not Right. Our business as intercessors is a very important business and we can't neglect neglect it.

But he said here's why and wherefore one and now get this. That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. He used that word in that chapter treacherously over and over and over again.

Maybe we can come back to that sometime, but God wants a pure seed our children are our seed and When they're messed up in this area, it is a major mess up in their life and it affects them. That's why this area is so important for the type of the church, but also to preserve a Godly seed that was one of the things that was referred to about John the Baptist when When he came back in Malachi chapter 4 and verse 5 behold I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers lest I come and smite the earth with a curse if We get out of bounds on this area.

Then the whole earth is lined up for a curse. This is no light matter. It's not a matter that we should take very just flippantly. Oh, well, that's your opinion. No, let's go to the scripture and see what God says to preserve a godly seed.

Seven Rebuilding Goals

Now one other thing that we're going to get into the seven goals. Seven areas that I think that God can build into your life as a rebuilder this one other statement I want to make and that's this. Compromise is the path to weakness.

I Don't know where I got this. I was just sitting this afternoon before I came to record and this thing popped in my mind. Compromise is the path to weakness and I thought about that boy. That is true.

Weakness a weak testimony if you compromise at work. You'll have a weak testimony if you compromise in your personal convictions. You have a weak testimony if you if you compromise with your children.

You'll have a week you'll have weak children if you compromise in your churches. You'll have a weak church and if you compromise in your Bible, you'll have a weak Bible get your King James. There's no compromise.

I'm convinced. It's the Word of God. I know many of you don't believe that and that's alright. You have your right to as J. Vernon McGee says you have your right to be wrong. I have my right to but I don't think I'm wrong.

There's power in the pure Word of God. Now here's the seven goals of a rebuilder from this rebuilders guide that I have this supplement. And I'm just going to mention these that we're going to come back in the in the last few minutes.

Go through the first one. These are very important because of this question, where do I stand? This one gentleman said where I want to know where I stand according to the Bible now if you're divorced and your first wife is still living and You've been remarried according to the Bible.

That's an adulterous relationship, but God Forgives if we confess our sins. He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. When we are forgiven of a sin, then how do you live?

We live by the grace of God. Just like Paul said he when when the Lord told him my grace is sufficient for thee. No matter how deep and hard it is no matter how much it hurts God's grace is sufficient and you need to learn to use it and then what do you do then with the grace of God?

You rebuild your life the best you can and here's seven areas seven goals of a rebuilder according to this This guide and I'm gonna read through the seven things and then we'll come back and cover the first one.

Then that about be it for today but first thing most important thing and we're going to cover is to rebuild a heart that seeks after God and contentment in Christ. Second goal of a rebuilder is to rebuild the true picture of marriage that was in the mind of Christ.

The third goal of a rebuilder is this rebuild communication with your former Partner, and I know there's going to be things all kinds of complications. But rebuild communication with your former partner because if you're divorced and you haven't been remarried yet.

And you're and your wife or your husband hasn't remarried yet. Then there's hope That y 'all can get your marriage back together. I heard the other day of a friend I asked him about his mom and dad. They were divorced for many many years.

Many years and I talked to him the other day and I found out that they had come back together after long years. Neither one of them remarried and so they could come back together and I heard about well Let me just share that one later.

I need to keep going on this had another one but anyway rebuild communication with your former partner and the fourth one is this to rebuild your original marriage when scripturally possible and The fifth one is to rebuild a teaching relationship with your children, you know, many of the many times the children just lose complete respect for one or both of their parents because of this devastating in their life many become bitter and Many have great problems in their marriages because things have not been dealt with back in their Relationships with their mom and dad.

The sixth thing is rebuild standards in your church. And that's what I said when we started off how you can be used in your church to help be a ministry in that area. And the seventh thing is to rebuild a life message to strengthen marriage actually out of your great tragedy.

God can build a life message to others. That'll be a powerful testimony and I have some stories there's a there's a powerful story in this Guide here that will help you a lot now let's go back to this first thing on rebuilding a heart that seeks after God and contentment in Christ.

Seeking God and Finding Contentment in Christ

You know what? Our natural tendency is as human beings is if something's taken away is to look for a substitute. You know if they take your butter away, well you go look for a substitute. Well, that's margarine.

Well let me tell you you better go get some butter because Margarine is going to hurt you a whole lot more than than butter but the tendency for a divorced person is to seek the approval of others and to look for a new life partner and I'm gonna write down Ron here, I don't think.

This story is I've shared probably a little bit before about this one. But I don't want to forget one that just came to my mind because I think it was four times. And I don't know where he's at now for marriages.

And he wouldn't listen to the counsel of Scripture and just one after another they just wouldn't work. Life after life was messed up child after child and anyway do this a wise rebuilder Will will not do this.

And others a wise rebuilder won't go looking for a new life partner. He or she instead will use that hurt you use those heartaches of that broken marriage to draw you closer to God. And to enjoy his fellowship.

Isn't that what David did with all the pain that he went with through because of Saul chasing if he used that and out of that We got the Psalms. Imagine what can come out of your life if you will seek God.

Through your pain and your hurts just imagine. You know Jesus said that the great The first and the great commandment is to love the Lord with all our hearts with all our with all our souls all our mind.

Strength you know Matthew 22 37 we could even go back and and read that if we can. Get there fast enough. I think I did here. It is listen. Jesus said unto him thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all Thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.

This is the first and great commandment. Have you been doing that? That's the first thing to seek God with all your heart. And then you can you can cry out like David one thing have I desired of the Lord that I will seek after.

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all The days of my life to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. You know David said in Psalm 73 25 whom have I in heaven? But thee and there is none upon earth that I desire Beside thee the best thing for a marriage is for the mate either one of them both of them to be seeking God first.

You put God first then things are going to place a lot easier in your marriage. There's another benefit of seeking God and. And that's making our ways pleasing to him having harmony With those whom we have offended.

I Believe it would please God if you would go back and make things right and we'll have to deal with this in Some detail a little bit later on how to do this if there's guilt and things. What the scripture says when a man's ways please the Lord he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.

There's something about that humble spirit when a man and I Read somewhere today. I think it was that there are two hardest things for a man to do are these two things would bring more friction in the family and that's the man the father's anger and His failing to ask for forgiveness but when you as a father would go back and say I Messed up.

I was wrong. I sinned I was angry I did this. I that that humble spirit breaks down those walls that will help to be used in rebuilding and something else by seeking the Lord a divorced person is Not very likely to put unwelcome pressure.

The wrong things won't be said quite as much if you're seeking the Lord on a form of partner and this Will help to rebuild your marriage. You know the requirement for seeking the Lord is This really it's having all sin confessed and cleansed by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.

David said if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me. Psalm 66 18. He said in Jeremiah 17 Jeremiah said let us search and try our ways and turn again to the Lord. Have you done that?

Have you really? Looked at your own ways your own habits your own attitudes. Let us search and try our ways you know in our own eyes we hold ourself up on pedestals and Somebody comes along and and with a chainsaw and cuts us down a few notches and we get proud we get offended.

We're touchy or whatever. But really what they need to do is cut down the whole tree of our pride this whole stump. We're setting on let us search and try our ways and turn again to the Lord. Lamentations 340 Jeremiah 17 10.

I was getting into that one. I The Lord searched the heart has God been probing around in areas. You just soon him not probe around. My friend you don't need to have a garage sale. You need to get the dump truck there and just get that garbage out of your life.

Don't even try making a few bucks at a garage sale on a lot of that trash get it out of your life. It's just holding you back and it may be that it's keeping you from having the marriage that you want or having a marriage put back together.

So God says I the Lord searched the heart. I tried the reins. That's at your deepest area of your heart. Even to give every man according to his ways according to the fruit of his doings. Look at your life.

Has there been the free the the sweet fruit of the Holy Spirit or has there been the fruit of the flesh? And could it be that that is the cause of your marriage falling apart because of the own your own fruit?

Start with yourself. Don't go try to get your marriage partner fixed up. You just let God get you fixed up first. Get that beam out of your eye before you try to go get some little speck out of your mates.

Anna's Faithful Service as a Model of Rebuilding

Well, we're gonna have to close down today. I'm not even going to get through this and we'll pick up on this first goal next week, but let me close with this. Who in the scripture do you know? That became a widow in the New Testament, she became a widow and She decided that she gave all of her energy to serving God and as a result of that God gave her amazing spiritual alertness she he gave her acceptance by the spiritual leaders of her day and she had great fulfillment in her life and I've been told I haven't checked this out.

I just saw this today. That she had the longest life recorded in the New Testament. I think it's probably true. But who was that? Because she gave her life to just seeking the Lord that was Anna. You go look in Luke chapter 2 36 through 38 and see if that isn't true.

Well, we're gonna have to close down now until next week. We're gonna continue to believe God to work in your life. To work in your marriage to work in your church to work in your heart and that he can bless you and in being blessed.

You can be a blessing till next time. May the Lord be able to greatly bless you.