Trusting God Is Not an Option — David Wilkerson

Trusting God Is Not an Option

This message is one of the Times Square pulpit series. It was recorded in the sanctuary of Times Square Church in Manhattan, New York City. Other tapes are available by writing to World Challenge P .O. Box 260, Lindale, Texas 75771 or calling 214 -963 -8626.

None of these messages are copyrighted and you are welcome to make copies for free distribution to your friends.

Trusting God in Every Crisis

Now, an option is a choice. It's a freedom to choose or reject. We have no choice in this matter, however, of trusting God. He requires it and more than that, He demands of all those who call themselves by His name that they trust Him in every crisis, every situation in life.

Now, we preach a lot. I know I have. All the Catholics Church, we preach a lot about trusting God. There's not a person in this building tonight, balcony, here, the main floor, there's not a person here tonight that hasn't heard numerous messages about trusting God, about putting your faith in the Lord, most of which we've forgotten within a week.

We hear it, we're convicted, we're moved by it, and we say, Oh, I will trust you, Lord, from now on. And we do trust Him from now on until the next crisis. The next crisis comes in after God delivers us from many, many others.

Another crisis comes and suddenly we are down in the same pit of despair and doubt, fear and unbelief. Now, we think we trust God. We're convinced we trust God. Ask any good Christian here at Tarry Square Church tonight, Do you really trust God?

And they'll say to you, That's a silly question. What do you mean do I trust God? Of course I trust God. I'm not a doubter. I trust God. I believe Him with all my heart. I don't doubt my Lord. Now, I believe most Christians are convinced that they trust God.

And I was honestly convinced in my heart that if anybody trusted God, I did. Lord, you have to trust God to come here and pastor this city again. You have to trust God for all the things that we've seen you do.

There has to be this evidence that people have trusted. Lord, I know I've trusted you, but I answered too quickly when God said, Do you really trust me, David? In fact, He posed three questions to my heart in prayer.

In fact, all week I've been so shaken by what He's been saying to me that it has hit me like a thunderbolt, like a lightning bolt out of heaven. And I'm going to pose the same three questions to you. And here's what the Holy Spirit asked me, David, Do you believe God is able to do all that He's promised to do for you?

Do you believe He's able? The second question, and I'm asking of you, Do you believe God is faithful to keep His word that He's promised you? You know that He's able, do you believe He's faithful to do what He said He would do?

And thirdly, do you believe He's willing to do what He's able and faithful to do? And I said, all three, I answered, Yes, yes, yes. Lord, I know you're able, you have all power, all might, you can do anything, nothing's impossible with you.

And Lord, you're faithful, you're more willing to give than we are to receive, and I know that. And I know that you love, you're willing, you just love to see the answers to prayer come forth. You love to do for your children, I believe, all of this.

And I answered all three, and too quickly, just as many of you did tonight. Because I heard somebody say, Yes, yes, yes. The Spirit began to reveal some things that proved that I was not trusting God with all my heart.

In fact, He showed me the tell-tale signs of those who are really not trusting God with all their heart. And maybe some of these tell-tale signs expose what is in your heart tonight. In fact, I believe that this struggle to come to a place of rest in trusting God, this rest that's been promised for the children of God in not having to work up Christ's faith, that God can look down and say, There's someone who really trusts me in all things at all times.

There's one, there's a brother, there's a sister who really trusts me. And I think this struggle that I went through this week, many of you have gone through and some of you are going through it tonight.

I think it's common among all of us that learning to trust God, I believe, is a lifetime experience. But we have got to come into a knowledge of truth on this matter of trusting God. We can't just take it in bits and pieces.

We have to have more than a theology. Tonight, I want you, by the power of the Holy Ghost, to get a hold of something from heaven that will put a trust in you from this night on. The Holy Spirit listed a few areas that He's dealing with me about in this matter of trusting Him.

Trust and the Troubled Countenance

First of all, trust in God will be mirrored on your face. Whatever's in your heart will show on your countenance. It will be mirrored in your face and it affects your very looks. Trusting God affects your looks.

It affects your appearance. It affects your bowels, your heart, your tongue, your mouth, your whole body. It affects your health. We're going to talk to you about that tonight. I heard the Holy Spirit say to me, David, if you really trust me like you say you do, if you believe that I'm a God with ability and faithfulness and willingness, why are you so cast down and heavy hearted so often?

Why such sadness on your face? Why those worry lines on your forehead? Why such a frown of fear comes upon you on occasion? Even after you preached and talked about faith, what's that look on your face of such concern?

Why such deep, unexplainable despair that you allow on occasion in your heart? Why do you go about sometimes looking hopeless, like you have no joy, no peace? And he didn't say it, but whatever he said, what kind of commercial are you for peace and joy?

Nobody would want what you have, according to the looks. You say, oh, but man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. But who knows what's in your heart but me on your face? It comes from that.

These are the very questions David asked in his own heart. Now, here's a man of God who preached and sang and taught more about trusting God than any man up to his time. Any man of God had ever preached.

Nobody. Take your concordance and look up trust and trusting. You'll find it all through the book of Psalms. You'll hear David saying, my soul trusteth in thee, O God. Yea, in the shadow of your wings I'll make my refuge until all my calamities be overpassed.

He's boasting, I trust God. He's telling the whole world. We still read it. He's boasting to us. David said, O thou my God, save thy servant, because I trust in you. Save me out of my calamities, save me out of my trouble, because I'm a man who trusts in you.

David faced in his life calamities and problems that seemed insurmountable. Few men went through what David went through. But he kept saying, I trusted you through it all. I trusted you through it all.

But you see, the thing of time in David's life, when he had a sinking feeling fall upon him in his heart. A sinking despair. And he couldn't explain it. He didn't know where it came from. He said, why art thou cast down, O my soul?

You'll find this, don't turn it, but you'll find it in Psalm 42, 5 and 11. You'll have it repeated in chapter 43, verse 5. Three times in these two chapters. The very same words, why art thou cast down, O my soul?

Why art thou disquieted in me? Now, is this despair that should end this disquiet, this disturbing of his spirit? Is this because David is sin now? No, this is not because of sin. In fact, in the 42nd chapter, you'll find David anything but living in sin.

I'll show it to you in just a moment. It wasn't because he was neglecting prayer. It wasn't because he was neglecting the word of God. In fact, if you read the 42nd chapter, in the context of what he was saying, you'll hear this.

In fact, the 42nd chapter begins, as the deer panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my heart after thee, O God. In the same chapter, he says, my soul thirsteth for God, the living God. He said, my tears have been my meat, night and day.

He was a man weeping before God. He said, I pour out my soul in Him. He's still praying. He said, I went with them to the house of God with the voice of joy and praise. He's a man who most of the time had joy.

He loved going to God's house. He said, I love to go into your courts to sing and praise. This is not the picture of a man backslidden. This is a picture of a man that loves God with all his heart. He's praying, he's seeking the Lord.

He's obedient, he's walking in holiness. And he said, I don't understand. Why am I disturbed inside? Why is my spirit, why is my soul disquieted? Why? And from deep within, David cries out in verse 6, oh my God.

Oh my God. Bob preached about this this morning. My soul is cast down within me. You hear his cry. And he's crying out to his God, oh my God, my Lord, why? Why is this seeking feeling in me? Where did it come from?

What's the matter with me? I'm praying. I love your word. I love your house. I have my house in order. I'm not in rebellion. Where did this come from? You ever been in this position? Oh. That was a weak one.

Every one of you, if you've been walking with God, you know something of what I'm talking about right now. In the middle of your walk with God, something hits you and you don't know where it came from.

You can't explain it. Because people see it on your face and they say, what's wrong? You say, I don't know. But in times of my life, we'd be going out to eat and this thing would hit me and she'd say, David, what's wrong?

I'd do something. Oh, no, no, honey. What's wrong? I said, honey, I can't explain it. I can now, but I couldn't then. I'm going to explain it to you tonight. God, help us to see it. You see this. In spite of your spiritual hunger, there's a depression that comes.

Your family sees it and those who work with see it. And even though you can't explain it and people are saying, is there something wrong? David asked the Lord, in fact, why? Verse 9, chapter 42. Why do I go mourning because of oppression?

And in the Hebrew it says, why do I walk around mourning before your presence? Well, why is it that I've got this mournful thing about me? Where did it come from? What's it all about? David says in chapter, verse 7 of chapter 42.

Deep, call upon the deep at the noise of thy water spouts. Why don't you go to Psalm 42? Make sure that I, check me out. See if I'm preaching Bible. I didn't get this from a psychology book, folks. You know what God told me tonight?

I slipped out during the Psalms. You know what God told me tonight as clear as He told me anything, David? You're preaching number one to yourself tonight. And anyone else, boy, it's so hard to hear it.

But if nobody else hears it, I'm going to get this good. Because there have been times I've preached faith and confidence in this Pope and I went out two or three weeks later and this thing hit me. And I allowed it.

And I didn't understand it. I'm not allowing it anymore because I understand it now. And if you pray tonight, God, open your understanding, you won't allow it anymore in your life either. Verse 7. Deep, call upon the deep at the noise of thy water spouts.

All thy waves and billows are gone over me. Listen to me. Look this way, please. There's something so deep inside David's soul. Something that's troubling him. There's a voice deep inside, questioning, reaching out for an exclamation.

These waves, these billows of testing. There's no end of these testing. They're billows and waves that keep rolling over me. But God, you said they're your waves. His waves, His billows that flow over me.

David pitches himself down in the midst of this great ocean and he said, constantly they are just flowing over me. Your waves and billows are just flowing over me. The Puritan said troubles come in battalions.

Troubles come in battalions. That means many. Have you ever found that out in your life? You're having a hard time here and you say, well, Lord, just get me through that. And then bang, bang, bang. One after another.

And David is saying, no, this doesn't add up. This should not be. And this deep is calling to deep within him. He loves God. There's a depth. But he's saying, why me, Lord? I know you delivered our fathers.

I know the record in the book of your faithfulness. I preached it. I believed it. But I'm not a sinner. I've forsaken my sins. I'm not a doubter. I've been thinking on you, Lord. I've been loving you all night long.

Your song has been in my heart. But David's saying, in all honesty, when people ask me, where is your God? Why are you unemployed? Why are you going through such trouble? Where's your God? Where's the answers to prayer that you talk about?

If you're such a man of God, if you're such a woman of God, you go to church with such power and anointing. Why are you in the mess that you're in? And he says, honestly, God, I can't explain it. I can't answer them.

In fact, David said, I will say unto God, my rock, why hast thou forgotten me? Why have you forgotten me, Lord? People are asking me, where's the evidence? Why aren't you changing things? My prayers aren't being answered.

I've been six months without a job. I've been praying about my family. I've been praying about my relationship with my husband and my wife. I've been praying about some sickness, illness in my family.

And, Lord, it goes on and on and on. And rather than a prayer being answered, trouble has piled upon trouble, wave upon wave, billow upon billow. What's wrong here? Why is this righteous man one minute praising God, the next minute mourning in the presence of the Lord?

Why, God, am I mourning in your presence? Why is this godly man planting after God with all of his heart and then acknowledging, why am I cast down and despair within me? How does a man who plants after God turn right around and say, what's hit me?

And if you don't have this experience, if you've not gone through this, you've never been deeply tested in what God is trying to do in your life. This is the struggle and the striving of the Holy Ghost that every man of God I've known in history has admitted to.

It's not just the result of sin. Well, it can be. But often, more often, it's the Holy Spirit calling from the depths of your soul. He's striving with you, trying to bring you to a place in God beyond all your doubts, beyond all your fears, laying out a cause of putting your back against the wall, where you have to make the choice for life, whether you're going to just believe God on occasion, in crisis to crisis, or whether you're going to break through into a life of victory and faith in Jesus.

There has to be a breakthrough. God's talking about a walk with Him, a deep, deep walk with Him. Now, David's mournful face, what was on his face, of course, came out of his heart, but it betrayed an impatient heart.

Waiting Patiently on God

An impatient heart. You know, it wasn't just David's enemy saying, where's your God? It was David saying that. He said, oh God, where are you? Why have you forgotten me? And there are people in this church, those listening to me right now, you won't say it out loud, but in your heart, like David, the whole thing is there.

It's not just your enemy saying, show me a sign that God's with you. It's in your own heart, God, I'm getting the idea, I get the feeling, that you've forgotten me, you don't see my problem. You don't see what I'm going through.

David, in fact, listen to this, hope thou in God, verse 5 and 11, hope thou in God, and in the original Hebrew, it says, wait patiently on God. Christians are the most impatient people on the face of the earth.

That's one of them. And here's one of them. Here's one of them. I say amen with you, brother. I say amen. Amen! We are impatient. God can do it, but we're going to have to do it our time, our way, now!

God, I'm going to lay hold of every, I promise, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it! And you've got a lot of preachers and teachers egging you on. Go after it! Go for it! Without going through the building of a foundation of faith upon which God can work and build.

Wait patiently on God, for I shall yet give Him thanks. Oh, there was something lingering, David. There was something in his head. David is showing the root cause of this disquietness and despair in him.

You see, David loved the Lord, but he was impatient with Him. And I'll tell you, it's not enough to love the Lord with all your heart. If you're here to make, you've been impatient with the Lord, it's going to make you angry.

It's going to make you have this grudge in your heart against the Lord that you dare not voice, but it's down there, a little root, a little seed. God, you didn't do it, you let me down. It's usually something we thought we needed and wanted so bad.

We just had to have it. Oh, God, you know I need it. You know I want it. You said you're going to desire my heart if I love you. You'll give me everything my heart desires. I'm going to stand here and tell you right now, I thank my holy God He's not answering about a thousand of my prayers.

I thank God I'd be in a mess right now because so many things I thought I needed, God said, you don't need them if you get them, they're going to destroy you. Thank you, Jesus, you didn't answer me. Thank God He didn't answer me.

A million dollars in debt right now. I'll tell you what, I could pay for half the Empire State Building for all the cars I thought I didn't need over my lifetime. There's so many things I thought I had to have.

I just needed it, it was there, and I knew they're not evil things in themselves, but I was so impatient with God. Here's a man who hungers and thirsts and pants after God, but he's got a short fuse with patience.

He can't wait for God to do it His time, His way. The longer God seemed to delay the answer, the less hope and confidence David had. The longer he had to wait, his confidence in God just began to wither, and it brought a depression with it.

And so David had it out with his soul one day. David just had it out. He said, Saul, I want to talk to you. I've got a good imagination. And I just pictured David and said, this has gone far enough. I love God.

I'm His servant. I love His house. I walk in His holiness and His righteousness, but I've got... Why? Why is this thing here and God the Holy Ghost showed him? God put His finger on this impatience. David had it out with his soul as if to say, Saul, settle down.

You're all upset, you're fretting, and you're angry, and you're accusing the Lord of not being concerned about you, but you just got impatient. God didn't do it your way. He didn't do it on your time schedule.

Things have not turned out the way you prayed, and it got to you, O Saul. You cried, you prayed, you walked in holiness, you were faithful to God's house, but the troubles have not yet been solved. And you say, the Lord is your God.

But Saul, I'm telling you now, you're going to hope. You are not going to lose your hope. You're not going to walk away on me. Hope! It's like he got his foot by the stump of the neck and said, hope! God is still God.

He's still on the throne. He's faithful to my fathers. He's going to be faithful to me. He still hears me answers. I will wait patiently on God to work. I will yet praise Him for victory. O Saul, be at rest, be at peace.

God's at work. Have you seen it or not? And I'll tell you what, he settled down his soul in God. He settled it down and said, you hope in God, O my soul, and if you hope, if you'll keep your trust in God, you will yet sing His praises of victory.

Hallelujah. I shall praise Him, verse 11, I shall praise Him who is the health of my countenance. Listen to me. I want to make a statement. Good ear, turn this way. Trusting God restores you to health, spiritually and physically.

I'll tell you what, years ago my minister, I developed a bleeding ulcer. Now I got it on an airplane. You know how I hate to fly. Came down from a bumpy flight and they had to rush me to the hospital.

I was bleeding and I had about a piece of my stomach and some other things. I don't know what they took out. It must have messed me up a lot because it's never been much good since. But there was a constant fear that brought this about.

There was fear. I look back and I know that God wanted to deliver me from not just the fear of flying, but there were other things that were just bringing a fear to my heart. I'd not learned to completely just lay everything down and it affected my countenance.

I know of an Assembly of God mother whose teenage daughter went so deep in hideous, terrible sin she just fell to pieces, emotionally. Fear gripped her heart and angry. She got angry at God and her counselors said she'd been a happy, outgoing mother and this daughter so disturbed her and so broke her heart she could not come out of it.

In fact, she went to bed and within six months she was dead and the doctors still can't find out why she died. There was no reason for it. No physical reason. They couldn't find out the reason. The woman laid down and fear destroyed her.

This took her life. Fear. Unbelief. Dead. Angry at God. Impatient with the Lord. Mad at her daughter. Mad at the world. See, worry not only wrinkles your face, it takes a toll on your whole body. They've proven it, that ulcers and all kinds of problems in the bowels, everything else, a result of restlessness and fear and anxiety.

Fear, impatience with God was so on your face. Jair prophesied of a time when fear and gloom and darkness was going to cover the earth and he said that people shall be very much pained and their faces will gather darkness.

He said their hearts are so dark you're going to see it written on their faces. Jeremiah warned Judah and Israel of a day of great trembling that's coming and fear and not peace. And all faces shall become pale.

He said that people are going to turn white and pale to fear and then people are going to walk around absolutely pale with fear. That which is in their heart will be betrayed on their faces. Now, my face is not just the front of my head.

It is neither the back of my head either. Your face is what you present to the world of your personality of yourself. My walk, my talk, everything, that's my face to the world. And he said you're the health of my face.

You're the health of my countenance. That I'm trusting you, O God. It affects me so that I'm at peace in my soul. I'm at peace in my bowels. They're not boiling. I'm at peace. I don't have to have a heart attack because I put my trust in God.

Live or die, I'm the Lord's. And it affects my health. He said he's the health. Trusting God is the health of my countenance. Why are you cast down on myself? Why are you in such despair? Why do you go about so sad, worried, fearful?

Isn't that because you do not trust the Lord in everything? He said I will never leave you. I'll never forsake you. I am with you to the end. Folks, if that's all we had, if we had no other promise from the Lord Jesus than that, that should be the answer.

He said, Lord, you're with me to the very end. No, I'm with you to the end. I'll never leave you. May I forsake you. And if I have to go through it, you have to go through it with me. That should settle it, but it doesn't settle it for us.

Now, by the way, sometimes you'll see me, you'll see Pastor Don, you'll see Pastor Bob, Pastor Greg, you'll see some of us walking around. I don't always have a Colgate green on my face. Not even a puff of it.

You know, it's three colors. I'm not talking about just the smile on my face. I'm not talking about just the look that I give you because that can be as phony as anything. I see people going around smiling from here to here.

All you see is pearly whites. But their hearts are in turmoil. They're just playing a game. They're just covering it up. No, I'm talking about a man or woman that's walking in faith and peace with God and there's something about being around them.

There's a joy about being around them because they've settled something with God. There's a trust. And like Don says, I agree with Don. He preached the other night. I just don't like being around people living in fear.

They call me a doomsday preacher. I don't have any doomsday in me. I have nothing but hope in me now. And I've always had that hope. There have been times I've gone through this experience that David's gone through.

That unexplainable spirit that will come upon you. But now I'm telling you again. And listen very, very closely. You've got to see this. When you realize that that upset spirit within you, that disquietness that has destroyed your countenance and it's naked and invisible to everybody around you.

Those you work with and those in the church and around you. So that they have to ask, is something wrong? That comes from an unsettled position of trust. An unsettled condition of trust. There's something you're allowing it.

You're allowing yourself to slip back into physical human fear. You're allowing yourself to slip back. You're not getting a hold of it and saying, no, I will not allow this. David, when he said, I will hope in the Lord.

I will trust in God. He was restored. There was a restoration of his spirit.

This is the end of side one. You may now turn the tape over to side two. It's for this body tonight.

Trusting God Instead of Trusting Man

That God will remove the last stronghold of unbelief. And He'll do it so well that it'll not be... You might have to say, well, God, tonight, I want it to be something that lasts. You won't have to even talk about it lasting.

The Holy Spirit will come upon you. And He'll do something to His Word in you. So powerful that you will see it. As Bob pays his money, you'll see it in the spiritual eye. You don't see it with the human eye.

There's something that gets a hold of you. You're sitting in His presence and you're praying and you say, well, God, I see it now. I see it. I've not been trusting you. That's why I'm upset. I've wanted something.

I didn't get it. That's why I'm upset. You didn't move like I thought you should move. That's why I'm upset. Lord, I've not resigned and I've not submitted to you. That's why I'm upset. That's why it shows on my face.

That's why I can't sleep at night. That's why I've got these pains in my stomach and in my bowels. Now, folks, please don't get that. God did every pain you get. It comes from a lack of faith. Sometimes it's too many tamales.

Hot tamales. Beer apples. In other words, it's a physical thing. It comes from habits and the way we destroy ourselves so much by not eating it, properly taking care of our bodies, as we should. But with David, David discovered, he said, ah, this has something to do with my hope.

This has to do with my trust. The second thing the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me about, and it's my message. Trust in God. I heard the Lord say this to my inner man. Loud and clear. David, trusting God is not an option.

It's required. It's commanded. And there's a curse upon those who turn from God to trust man. I want you to turn to Jeremiah 17 and see it. Jeremiah 17. I'm going to show you the blessing and the curse upon those who trust in men.

The curse, the blessing of those who trust in God. Hallelujah. Some of you thought I was almost finished. I'm just beginning. No, I'm not going to preach much longer, but I want you to get this. Jeremiah 17, verse 5, beginning to read, Thus saith the Lord, Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh false his arm, and his heart departeth from the Lord.

For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh, but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness in a salt land and not inhabit it. But blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, whose hope the Lord is.

For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, that sputteth out its roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but at least shall be green. Shall not be careful or anxious in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

Oh, hallelujah. Now look this way, please. I once thought that trusting God was an option, it was a choice, and my thinking meant something like this. Who do I hurt but myself? Who do I hurt but myself if I'm not trusting God on a certain occasion?

So what if I slip into a little bit of murmuring and complaining once in a while? Overall, I love the Lord. Overall, I'm the only one being hurt. The only thing that I do is to hurt myself because I cut off the flow of blessing, and I tie God's hands.

After all, most of us say, I know that Jesus couldn't do any mighty works in his hometown because of their unbelief, but that's what I used to think. All right? If the child of God is not really trusting the Lord at all times, in every crisis, I mean, a walk in life of faith and trust, he's just hurting himself.

God wants to pour out his benefits, but unbelief blocks it. Unbelief ties his hand, and I'm the only one who suffers. I'm not getting the blessings. He's not answering my prayer. I've tied his hands. I'm the one who hurts.

But folks, that's not the end of the story. That's only half of it. There's another side to it. Not only does it hurt me, it provokes and angers the Holy God. And there's a curse that goes with it, the Bible said, that reaches to the lowest hell.

That reaches into the very lowest hell. You see, our lack of trust, our unbelief, does anger God. It provokes him, and he's put a curse upon it, in the verses I just read to you. Now, I don't think anything can hurt my Lord, and I see it clear to me than I've ever seen it.

I don't believe anything can hurt my Lord more than a man, one Christian, or a group of Christians getting together. It can be just yourself, or it can be with someone else. And rather than in your hard time, in your testing time, turning to the Lord with all your heart, you turn aside, and you begin to plan, and you begin to scheme, and you begin to manipulate, to cause something to happen, to answer your own prayer, to produce your own security, to secure a place in your future.

And this is why God said you have needed patience, after that you've done the will of the Father, you have received the promise. Now listen, trust is impossible. Trusting God is impossible without a submissive, patient, waiting on God for the answer.

You do not trust God if you are impatient. You do not trust Him if you have not submitted to His time, His place. In fact, do you know where trust finally has to bring you? Trusting God finally brings you to the place where you don't care anymore.

You finally say, God, I've prayed about it, I believe you, but if I have to die this way, I'm going to trust you. Live or die, I'm going to trust you. I'm not going to trust you because you just answered my prayers.

I'm not going to trust you just because you get me out of a hard place. This is going to be the way I walk. This is going to be the way I live. You've got to come to a place where you're almost like you're out there in front of the enemy, they'll have pistols and shotguns and you're in the firing line.

You're finally, you're not praying, Oh God, shut down this gun. You say, Lord, I don't care anymore. I love you. Live or die, I'm yours. I'll wait your time. I'm not going to tell you. Folks, I can tell you there are things in this church I've prayed about and I've coveted them so bad, I thought I was coveting them for the Lord.

I've coveted them for myself. When we first came here, I tell you, the first prayer I prayed, God, I want somebody in that organ that's from Harlem or from the black culture to, I love that, pounding.

I love that, Lord. I prayed that and I prayed for souls. And we got it. I'm not going to go any further than that, but I want to tell you something. The Lord had to take that from me, not because of anything in my heart particularly, but that was a part, that was just one part of the place where I am now because music is the department they have put upon me.

They said, that's your department, music, because I don't know anything about music probably. I know probably a little more than they do. They said music department is yours, so I prayed about it, but you know, we're still praying.