Bully Culture and the Slap Heard Round the World

The Slap Heard Around the World and the Move to Bullying

It was a slap heard around the world by now you all know what I'm talking about, and that's going to bring us into our subject today on conversations with a Calvinist which begins right now. Welcome back to conversations with a Calvinist my name is Keith Foskey and I am a Calvinist and I'm excited to welcome today, a friend into the well I say into the studio into the zoom studio.

My friend Eddie exposito. Eddie is a native New Orleans, I'm not sure I'm saying that right New Orleanian. Yeah, okay, a native New Orleanian raised in the suburbs he was the grandson of a Cajun fisherman, and he is a philosophy graduate with a pre law background.

He's a creative person he's a musician or writer builder and entrepreneur. He's been married for 30 years he's raised four daughters, and over 20 years he has served in ministry, where he pastored for 14 of those years and he co founded and ran a homeland missions and urban relief ministry.

Currently he owns a rep group company and the food and beverage and hospitality industry. And on a personal note, I just wanted to mention that I became acquainted with Eddie several years ago, through the ministry of Dr. James white we were both part of his.

What was called the chat channel. And for those of you who have been longtime dividing line listeners, you know what I'm talking about it was the it was the prosopology on chat channel, and I would go in there and I would see any talking and somehow we got connected I think we, we went to a conference and met up at a conference and then years later you actually came to our church for the fire conference.

And that's when we really got to spend some time together that weekend and that was great. Eddie, welcome to the program. Good to be here. Yep, and I'm glad, glad to have you. Now, by now as I mentioned on the introduction to the program we've all heard about the slap heard around the world.

This is what happened last Sunday evening at the Oscars, where there was an interaction between comedian Chris rock and actor will Smith, where Chris rock said something derogatory about will Smith's wife Jada Pinkett will Smith at first seemed like he thought it was funny afterwards didn't seem like it was so funny he walked up onto the dais, or onto the stage rather he slapped Chris rock in the face, and then went back to his seat, like nothing had happened and just said you know keep my wife's name out of your mouth he used a few expletives which I won't repeat, but he was saying, don't say anything about my wife.

I was actually sick Sunday, Sunday I came home from church I wasn't feeling well so I slept for about 18 hours because I wasn't feeling well, so I slept through everything woke up the next morning and my newsfeed had blown up with all of these pictures of Will Smith slapping Chris rock.

Did you actually see it Eddie on television or did you see it in the follow up. Yeah, I first heard it. I was coming home from New Orleans with a friend of my car we spent the day going to see some music and having some great crawfish at a at a musician benefit, and my friend's mom called on the phone and said, Hey, you should see will Smith just slap Chris rock on TV like what, what happened.

And so you know my first thought of course was, you know, here we go. Right. I mean we've been bombarded with fake news for real media stuff stunts. Everybody knows that since those award shows are all so political and progressive, that, you know, no one's really watching it anymore.

And so my first thought, just was like, I bet you it was a stunt. Right. Yeah, I thought it had to be some kind of gig to get ratings, like the infamous wardrobe malfunctions you know. Yeah, and that was it and I got home and it was on the TV so I looked at it.

And then I looked at the Twitter feed. Somebody put a video and they slow motion that so he hit him. Like, at first I thought maybe because you know the angle of the camera, but it was a real hit but it wasn't a real, it wasn't a punch.

So, you know, they do that on stage too. So, I don't know, I think my thought went to. Well, who knows about that but my first thought was really, you know, in this culture we have this weird dichotomy going on right between.

Oh, love everyone be peaceful and tolerant and yet we have tremendous hate and intolerance, all masquerading. So I thought, what message is this sending right yeah that that you say something off color or an insult.

And do I have the right to just slap you upside your head, which, you know, I get in trouble, I get in trouble for that language right since I'm old now. You know, we grew up with like, I'm going to keep we'd say I'm going to kill you, or we'd say that hey you know I'm a slap shot the head we say my mom, my mom would slap me upside my head, or any variants of that.

And sometimes it's literal. I mean, I got slapped in the face by teachers in school. Yeah, my dad, my dad used to threaten to, and I quote slap the slobber out of my mouth. So that was. That's very common in my house today, and today you know your own child will call child services on you right and they talk about emancipation and it's a weird, yeah it's a weird world.

And I don't know I mean on one level you don't want to justify physically responding but on another level, those that are older that got spanked and slapped upside the head. I don't know any of us that are in therapy and had any sort of long term damage from it, because I think the issue is we knew we deserved it particularly the teacher that slapped me I was being a smart aleck big time.

And I wouldn't quit. I kept it up for a long time and she finally had enough took me outside in the hallway and I had the nerve to say to her. Her name was Miss Thomas, and I kept calling her Tommy baby.

And so, in the hallway she's getting in my face and I said you know I think you're overreacting Tommy baby. Oh, yeah. She slapped me and it was funny because all the kids came up to the window in the school we had those little square windows in the door, and all the kids were all looking through the window like 60 hours you know looking through, and I'm in the hall, and when she slapped me you could hear everybody scary like rats off a ship.

Back to their desks you know they're like, oh no she just hit him. But, you know, my parents weren't upset, no one filed charges or anything, just as what you know that was hey you're out of line and guess what it worked.

I never spoke like that to a teacher ever again. Yeah, so, so you know if that's why it's an interesting topic. It's not, it's, there's some gray but there's also some black and white. There's wisdom and it's multi layered and what's the context of it.

Yep. I mean, you know, like if someone just said, Hey, you have your four odd you know or something versus some other vulgar thing which I won't say maybe we could all interject, whatever some disgusting insult.

I think we feel compelled that the harsher and the more degrading and out of control the comment is, I think people in general feel like well that merits, you know, a bigger response and just, hey, don't say that.

When Words Become Bullying and Why the Line Matters

Yeah. Yeah. Now I you you've already sort of answered this question but I know you you mentioned that you have a martial arts background I didn't mention this in the intro but you you you mentioned in one of the posts that you posted on on social media that you have a martial arts background is it karate.

What was your. What was that. I took Judo and Taekwondo. Okay, so so based upon your semi professional martial arts opinion you do think it was a real hit. Yeah. Okay. Of course, of course he didn't put his shoulder and right he didn't step past his body with you as you learn and go through hey done that he would have knocked out.

But that was, I call that a stage slap. Yeah, it was intended. It wasn't intended to hurt as much as embarrassed. Yes, posture and and certainly look more threatening than it was the fact that rock who is has to be 80 pounds less was able to stand up and and continue to talk without, without any, any seemingly be worse for the wear seem to be the fact that he wasn't really tried, because, because Will's a big boy I mean he's probably 180, I would say compared to rock maybe 130 120.

He's a little guy. Also, I mean, you know, he didn't punch him. That's true. So, you know, he could have, he could have punched him. Yeah, yeah. So, well one of the reasons why I asked you on today other than the fact that you're a very colorful dude I like, you know, you're the times we've had conversations I've enjoyed it I know it's been a while.

But one of the reasons why I invited you on today specifically was because this past week I noticed you made a post, where you address the subject of bullying, and my assumption and the assumption of some of the people that responded was that you were addressing this issue with the Chris rock.

Will Smith thing now. Is that the case or are we wrongly connecting the two. No, that's right. Um, I took it from a specific to general I mean I didn't want to talk anymore about that because that is what it is and whatever, and yeah, on some level you don't want to bring more attention to all those individuals that want attention, but it made me think, I thought, man, you know, really it's a type of bullying.

When, you know, people are making fun of you so my head went to like making fun of people because Jada has an autoimmune condition where she has the hair loss. And so he was making fun of that, in a sense, it was a joke and you know they roast I mean roasting is part of the celebrity thing.

And you know they pick on people all the time and they make fun of a variety of things so my thoughts went to making fun of people. And, oh, someone who's fat and they say hey let's give Keith all the leftovers.

Right. Right, then, then there Hey, I was, I was going to talk about the fact I grew up in a culture where I, you know, I'll say it when I was a kid there was the where's the beef was the was the thing and the joke was where's the beef it's on Keith that was a joke that I still remember to this day.

You know I it was real. Yeah, real. Yeah, I mean I got glasses and I was so upset. When I was told I had to wear glasses because I knew that they call me for eyes and pick on me. And so, um, you know, I thought about that.

And there's a whole variety of things like when I was in college we had a group that would meet a little part of us would play music and then we would go eat in between classes, and it started out really nice but then all of a sudden, at lunch someone would say something like someone had a big nose and they were like, Well, I'll pay for the drink but I'm not going to pay for the air because it's free right so and so.

Yeah, and you know and if people chuckle one guy was going gray and other guy was losing his hair. One girl was known as being a little promiscuous you know so all of a sudden, we're eating lunch, and people start picking on everybody about those things.

And it got to the point where it's what I call one upmanship. Right. Yeah, where it yeah right it's like oh someone got you and they get me and then people begin to retaliate with with another insult.

And it got to the point that it was so bad. I just, I confronted everybody one day I just slapped the table and I said man what are we doing, trashing everybody. I'm like, so that's another point right.

You don't want to be a person who says you can never joke with anyone. Right. You can never say anything. But where's the line. That's the issue. Where do you draw the line, and I think we can talk about some parameters like, I think you know if someone doesn't like what you said.

Yeah, if you know it's hurting them. Yeah. Um, I had a, I had a lady I know who she washes Ziploc bags, and she cleans aluminum foil and you go to her house you got to take your shoes off she's quirky kooky as can be.

So I began to make jokes about right. I'm like, I said, Oh, I brought a zip. I brought a couple Ziploc bags for you know you can reuse right and stuff like that. Well she laughed but then it hit me I said wait a minute.

It maybe she doesn't like this and so I asked her. I said look you know I love you and I'm just chiding and ribbing you. And we had a good conversation about it and she gave me a license to say things she says no as long as you don't go overboard.

But I really backed off I didn't say I didn't say anything but I just, it got me thinking so through my whole time, you know, my whole life I've been thinking about that topic of picking on, and it's a it's a picking on people for their appearance their behavior their, their background, I mean, you know, in New Orleans, there's the West Bank there's Kenner, there is New Orleans and you know when you went to high school.

It was the West bankers, and they were looked down upon you got people from Sean that called show nations and they would say, Oh, he's a show nation. So think, look at schools right away he go to school.

Oh, you went to jazz, jazz, you know, they call them the blue gaze and that was an insult, you know, so, so private school versus public schools so if you think about it all facets, all facets, there's the chance to degrade people because of where to go to school where they were born, what they look like, etc, etc, or even what they've done.

So, yeah, it's that that's why I put the post I thought man. It's interesting teasing is interesting because, you know, when I've confronted some people about it they're like, Oh, you can't take a joke or, you know, we can't say anything.

And then you got the topic of sarcasm. A lot of people pride themselves that they're sarcastic but sarcasm means to shred. And it means to tear it to tear. And so, being sarcastic is not something you, you should really want to strive.

You know, and, and why didn't that brings up the question why do you do it at all. What's behind that. So for me as I examine myself I found I had many layers of why one as an intellectual and natural with.

I think of funny things I think it turns the phrases I think of right. So part of it is like me just exercising that quick brain that's thinking those things. And then the other part of it is just a certain pride that I always loved like the WC Fields, and the comedians that were able to just jab real quick.

Right. It's just, I love Willy Wonka, my favorite movie ever Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Look at Gene Wilder right. Oh, absolutely. He was slicing all those kids up. Right. So, I remember growing up thinking, I want to be able to do that.

Right. Because it just seemed cool. Then there's insecurity. And I don't know, I mean I'm not a real insecure person not that I don't have them but I mean I'm pretty, pretty self confident, and it's like, but I think a big thing I discovered about me was frustration.

So, not so much making fun but jabbing and responding in that way, it really is because I'm aggravated. Particularly when it comes to something somebody did. And I learned that you know my brain I have words that I use.

I don't have any problem with. I'm stupid. Yeah, stupid. And I've come to realize, you know, I might interpret a word a certain way, and it has certain amount of blow to it right like as an hit. But if someone called me a name.

My first my personal first response is well do I qualify. Yeah, right. So someone said to me well you know that was stupid. My thought goes well, was it not. He called me stupid. Yeah, but not everybody's that way, and it took me a long time to realize that that I had developed over the years.

I'm, you know, bad speech patterns. And, and just, and then in reference to my family and got to the point in our relationships where they let me know that they don't like the way I talked to them. And I had to really examine myself what what's going on I realized it was bitterness frustration.

You know we have a kid and they won't pick up something. After the fifth time you tell them to pick the clothes up your speech might not be very well. It's like the guy who's the teacher came, or the parent went to the teacher and said, Did you call my child stupid.

It's like no I asked him if he was stupid. Are you stupid. It's not the same but it is the same. Yeah, exactly. Brain challenged you know what. So, it's a very interesting topic and, you know, I had some scriptures that I've pulled together from some teaching notes I'd done in my own study, and if it's okay I'll just read some of them.

No, I'd love to hear. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So, Proverbs has a lot to say, I'm sure you're aware. Proverbs 2511 like apples of gold and settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. Proverbs 1621, the wise and heart will be called understanding and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness pleasant words are a honeycomb sweet to the soul and healing to the bones Proverbs 1624 2211.

He who speech is gracious is the king's friend. He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his soul from troubles. Chris rock could hear that one right 2123 Proverbs, and then Proverbs 1019 he who restrains his lips as wise.

So, we have the Old Testament wisdom literature, given us a lot of warnings and that's just a few highlights right of sure, watch, we can say in modern language, hey boy, watch your mouth. Yeah, you know, watch.

Right. And then the New Testament it picks that up. So, Colossians three eight, put aside anger wrath malice slander and abusive speech from your mouth. Let your, let your speech. Always be gracious, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

And as I reflected on those things. Yeah, I was big time convicted like boy boy. It's not that I'm ignoring it it's just I'm not practicing. Sure, so I know it. I believe it. I know it's what I should do and like, like we all do you end up in a place where you're like, what's going on with me.

And, you know, so that's why this is a real thing. When I heard when I saw that incident. It just opened the gates in my head of all the things that I've been working hard to to correct. Yeah, and I think I think one of the things that we sort of touched on a little bit earlier is when we get around people that were very comfortable with.

We tend to let down the the natural guard that we put up, and one of the guards that we let down is the guard over our mouth, because when we first meet somebody, we're usually very, very particular about what we say, but after we get to know them we've been in their house they've been in our house and we banter banter often becomes really unsanctified speech as a nice, I guess a nice way of saying it.

Speech that's intended to intended to make things fun, but at the same time at what expense and and and and and to what end. Yeah, this is, I've, I've, you know, when I noticed one of my one of my kids being real sarcastic.

I confronted her and I said, you know, what's with all the circus. And I explained it to her. And, you know, obviously right she's like well you know I'm just playing around I can't people take a joke.

That's what you do it a lot. So just examine yourself, why do you do it, what's the what's behind it, and most people never think of it they just do it, or they're imitating other people. And I came up with a general general rule that I said, and is to the extent that the person, a person, their personhood their identity, their characteristics to the extent that they are the butt of the joke, or they're the punchline is to the degree that you run the risk of going into big trouble.

First and foremost, hurting their feelings, etc. Like you said I have good friends of mine if they jab at me, whatever. But if they do it three and four times in a row or they always bringing that up, then it's an issue so there's room there and that's the weird part right like how, how far can I go.

Well I say, how about you don't worry about how far you can go, how about you just learn and strive to eliminate it. Yeah, I mean, you know, the safest thing is to bridle the tongue, which will look at James in a minute and say that, I mean, you know that tongue is dangerous.

And I think an awareness that your tongue, your speech, right, is a weapon. Yeah, and it can also be a healing balm. And so you can use it for good things right as scripture says to bless God and to bless people and bring grace, or you can rip people to shreds.

And that's a scripture right it says you how can we would the same mouth, and that's I think that's the James passage you were going to reference the same mouth praises God and then tears down your neighbor.

Yeah, no, absolutely. And you know we all have like a guy keeps parking on the drive on our driveway or something right so again situational we feel justified that the more stress, or the greater the offense of the individual, then we get to rip them one, you know, and I'm gonna let them have it.

Yeah, just get on customer service telephone holds. Well, you know, and you hold on. I feel like I was just rebuked, so I'm going to. Honestly, my wife is my wife was a. She worked for Bell South, and she was a customer service representative, and I did as well but I was never as good as her she was always so great, but I am I have such a difficult time over the phone, because they make you wait forever and then when you finally get on with somebody they don't ever want to help you it seems that way it seems that way.

And so I do, I have a patience issue and I have to, I have to repent and I have to deal with my own heart in that so so you just got real, you just got real. You touched a nerve there. I mean, you know, press three, press two, and then you and then you wait, and then they hang up, and then the next person comes on and it's real hard to be nice to that person.

Yeah, you think you think they hung up on you when they did, you know, but, but, and then it's really hard to share Jesus with that person, when you get a jerk, and you're saying, Oh yeah and by the way, I want to tell you about the Lord who loves you, and I've just treated you like a dirty sock.

So, yeah. Yeah, no it's, it's a challenge and I think, you know, again it all starts with being conscious of it. Instead of giving yourself an excuse and then asking yourself why. So what am I doing here, and, you know, being so frustrated with people in search of circumstances I think that's a big part of it some people.

I mean, just be honest, I mean look, we know this right from our from the truth of theology. This is a sin curse world, not only do we still have a battle, but we're always expecting life to be better than it is when actually it's far worse than we could imagine.

It's just that we're not always given so much that we freak out all the time but like you know in this culture with coven stuff. Just the insanity gas prices up people losing their jobs arguments about vaccines you know whatever all this stuff.

It's a lot harder to control the tongue, because you feel like you're going to go off right, you're like, wait, you know if I hear one more thing or whatever. So, I think it's a good thing it starts there and then what helped me was, you know, to realize that I have a powerful tool.

And it's just like walking around with an impact driver or something right but you're just going to go, but you're going to go around and strip all the heads you can find. Or are you going to realize you know what I can help.

I could pull this screw out, or I can jam it in and split the wood. And, you know, to, so to look at your tongue in that way of a blade a knife sword, a drill whatever whatever works for you. A flamethrower or as the scripture says right ignited as a flame from hell.

Now you know, think about that. I mean, I think, I think it's really one of Satan's biggest tools to divide is the tongue, and that what is gossip, a lot of people think gossips fine but gossips considered a damnable sin.

And a lot of people are offended by that like gossip like that doesn't seem like it's that bad but it goes right to all these passages. Yeah, it's in the list the same list that says haters of God and murderers and gossips.

Yeah, and slanders. Yeah, it's right next to that. So the way I describe it to people is I say listen you, what's wrong with us what's the big deal and I said well think about it. You're not bringing grace to them you're not giving them wisdom you're not loving them you're not caring for them you're not lifting them up.

Gossip is really a form of tearing them down. Right. What did you hear her key happen to Keith and what was he doing you know blah blah blah. It's, yeah, it's this little whispering and so it's all in the same category.

And it's, it's definitely a challenge and I think that going back to the heart issue, which again is a very biblical principle right is keeping your heart in the right place. So, be a person to understand the grace of God that's been given to you, specifically those of us who profess Christ, your sins are forgiven.

And so it's stop holding everything against everyone else, or we're the servant that grabs the debt free guy right we grab his throat and say hey pay up right now. Um, so to keep your heart in the right place to guard your heart right from the issue from from flow from for from it flow all the issues of life.

And so, such a key and taking a breath, you know for me, sometimes I'm highly motivated highly energetic I'm like I'm always go and I got a lot to do. And I found that's part of it I'm just, I'm going along and if you're in the way.

And I don't get a response right, I'm like, and get out of here, you know, I got time. It's being snippy and snappy. That's part of it. But I think another big thing is the bullying aspect. What, what's very bothering about that is, you know, to purposely attack someone verbally to degrade them.

Right, to belittle them. I don't think I don't think the individual comedian that we're not going to mention his name again. I don't think he was trying to belittle at all. I think he was legitimately just trying to be funny because that's what comics do they just rag people you know, um, but, but let's just say that's not the case.

Like someone who's overweight, you know, why would you call, why would you say, hey, do you think they woke up and looked in the mirror and thought they were skinny. Yeah, you know, and what about being skinny some people get ragged because they're skinny.

Like, hey, you need to eat. Yeah, right. So I've had people post on our YouTube page, and my wife has to not look at our YouTube page sometimes because people are very mean, and, you know, are very ungracious one.

I'm a pastor to I'm a Christian three I'm a Calvinist for I'm, I'm fat. There are these things. And so pick any one of those, and people are going to find something that they're offended by or something that they want to correct me on.

And, you know, my wife just has to sit back and just not look at it, because it hurts her and I and I tell her, you know, I developed somewhat of a thick skin because I've been big all my life. I mean, from birth almost I was a big baby, big kid.

I was the day when I was played football in the eighth grade they call me the biggest of the big blue our, our school colors were blue so we were the big blue, and I was the biggest the big blue I was six foot one 280 pounds in eighth grade.

Wow. So, I was just a big guy. And, and so I dealt with that, you know, and again, now if somebody says something to me, I'm less likely to, to get offended, but it's still, it's one of those things where I know if somebody's really trying to hurt me, and these people online are really trying to get me trying to hurt me, whereas a friend who might say something in a jovial way my brother or something less likely to take offense.

But you're right if somebody were to just, if you could tell the intention is to hurt. It can be very hurtful. And as Christians are, are, you know, the whole season with salt and words of grace and things that should not be our intention.

That's one thing if somebody took me aside and said hey brother let's talk about weight loss let's talk about health let's talk about your eating, you know, let's talk about your exercise routine, that's different, because that's somebody who cares about you versus somebody who's just being demeaning.

Raising Children to Face Bullies and Defend Themselves

Right. Yeah, I'll share with you a couple other examples that hopefully can help people like as I dealt with this topic in general, um, you know, being outspoken and out there. People. I don't know what they say behind my back but you know, one of the things was when I go to conferences, and the fire conferences which I love.

And I'm a storyteller, anyone knows me, you know, I'm, I'm gregarious. I got about 100 stories, and I got 10 new ones this week and I love telling stories it's just fun. And when I go to the conferences I'd be sitting there speaking with, you know, four or five people sitting around and everyone's like, you know, listening, and some funny adventure thing or something.

And inevitably someone will walk up and, like, come behind me and say, Oh, and grab me by the shoulders and say, Oh, here he goes, you know, he's talking again, or how many, how many stories does this make, or, you know, hey let someone else have the floor.

And it happened so much that my feelings got hurt. I was like, dude, I'm just trying to have fun like what, you know, I don't think I didn't feel like I was stopping anyone else from saying anything but one of the things I realized is that I'm a social space filler.

Right. Yeah, you go to a party no one's talking, I'm gonna start it up. Right. It's like, yeah, if there's gaps. So, um, I'd made a decision the next conference I went to I wasn't going to say anything.

So I purposely put the reins on. Guess what happened. People came up to me and they're like, you feeling okay. Yeah, what's wrong. Yeah, and they said hey man, you know you, you, where's the story I was, I was, I was looking forward on the plane I was looking forward to Eddie's gonna have some great stories.

And I was like, gee, man, I can't win. Like, which is it either I'm talking too much and I got too many stories or you know you know whatever. So that set me again on that personal journey right which is lifelong of.

Well, is it right or wrong what should I do so. Um, and then at the same conference I was get the book table and a pastor comes up to me. And I'm looking at these books and he says oh he's looking at books, and the guy behind the book table says yeah he's checking them out.

And he says, I didn't even know he could read. Now, I was not offended at all. I thought that was funny, because I know the guy, and I noticed no way. He's trying to, you know, degrade. Yeah, so I laughed.

And by the way, I didn't think the guys making fun of the stories and stuff were degrading either, but that hurt my feelings, the illiteracy thing was like, Okay, yeah. But 15 minutes later that pastor walked up to me privately and he says man listen I need to apologize.

And I looked at him like, for what. And he told me that was that was an insult and he says I really shouldn't be insulting you as you know I love you said you're one of my favorite people, etc. And that taught me a lesson.

I was like, how many times do people do that to me. Right, like, it doesn't matter if his conscience was his guide so you know that that led me on, on, on that particular path of examination and wondering and so I started to restrain myself and I might give 100 ,000 words, but that's, that's the edited version because I really wanted to say 200 ,000, and I told five stories but they didn't know I had 20 of them ready to roll because that's what I love and what I like.

So I did off, I did bring some restraint because for that, but it stopped hurting my feelings because I just came to terms with me. That's who I am. Yeah, that's why anyone knows me that that's why people like me or that's why they don't like me but I'm not going to change me.

Right. So, so you know all those layers come in with people and their experience like some people were very verbally abused by parents. I've been guilty of some of that myself which I've made made amends with my family, the stress of life and everything else my sin, of course response not no excuse zero excuse, but I woke up one day and they still love me but they were really upset with me that I just, I'm always given the verbal lashing, and, or the attitude or sarcastic or what is it, what is the aggressive, you know, so I've been working very hard to eliminate that.

And, and again it goes back to centering in grace centering with God first and foremost, and if you will, let's, I'd like to read the James passage because I think it really summarizes that. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. So James three verses three through chances now if we put the bits into the horses mouth so that they will obey us. We direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires.

So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire in the tongue is a fire. The very world of iniquity. The tongue is set among our members as that which defies the entire body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.

Every species of beast and birds of reptiles and creatures the sea is tame, and has been tamed by the human race, but no one contained the tongue. It is a restless evil and full of deadly poison with it.

You were referencing we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the likeness of God from the same mouth come both blessing and curse. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.