TLP 229: How Do You Become a Disciple-Making Parent?

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Listen, I'm not saying this to discourage you. I'm saying this to warn you, to admonish you.

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Start now. Start early. Regardless of what stage your kids are at, regardless of what habits, good or bad, you've made in the past, take the first steps and trust

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God for the rest. Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use

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God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host,

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A .M. Brewster. What is a disciple? It seems like an old religious term with very little contemporary practicality, but I hope that today we understand that it perfectly describes exactly what our modern parenting is, good or bad.

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But before I do that, I want to thank Ryan and Kim for sponsoring today's episode. Their faithful gifts allow us to continue creating this free content.

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If you're blessed and challenged by what you hear, you have God and the consistent giving of His children to thank.

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And if you'd be interested in learning how you too can partner with TLP, just click the 5 ways to support TLP link in the description of today's episode.

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Okay, my friends, let's talk about that oft discussed but never mastered concept of discipleship.

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If you've been with us since the beginning of this series, then you know the format. If you haven't, then I encourage you to start with episode 225.

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Each episode can stand alone, but I believe the material is best understood in order. All right, number one, learn the truth about discipleship.

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I have two episodes to suggest to you today to deepen your knowledge on this topic. Episode nine is called,

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It Only Takes a Generation to Die. And episode 173 is called Disciple -Making Parents.

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Both of those would be a great follow up to today's discussion, especially if you don't really know anything about genuine biblical discipleship.

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I know it's easy to think we understand it because so many of our churches talk about it so much. But do we really?

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I plan to do a whole series about biblical discipleship and I'm super excited about it because I believe it sums up the entirety of our calling as Christians generally and as parents more specifically.

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So let me unveil the ideas that make up discipleship, but we'll save our deep study for later.

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Don't forget that our free episode notes are available for you as you deepen your knowledge about discipleship. First, Merriam -Webster defines disciple as one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another.

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That's not a bad definition, but I think there's more to understand from this word. Just a cursory glance at the spelling of the word will show similarities with another word, discipline.

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Now, that's another word that can be understood in various ways. Some people imagine the negative side of punishment and consequences and others picture what

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Merriam -Webster calls training that corrects or molds or defects the mental faculties or moral character.

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We'll talk about this a little later when we ask, how do you become a training parent? But for now,

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I want us to understand that discipleship is a two -sided process whereby the discipler and the disciple submit to God's truth and share that truth with others.

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It's the process of one who's standing on the outside, coming to the inside, and eventually leading others from the outside to the inside.

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Now, this should sound like a very familiar concept. If I'm an ambassador, a first follower of Christ in my family, then my goal is to introduce my children to my

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God with the plan that they too will choose to follow Him and lead others to Him. Now, that obviously may be our long -range plans.

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Most of us likely see that coming to fruition when our kids are older, especially if your children are very young right now.

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But for now, we're in the discipleship phase of helping them to grow as disciples of God. But before we move on, there's another really important truth about discipleship that we must understand.

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Earlier, I made the comment that discipleship perfectly describes exactly what our modern parenting is, good or bad.

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What did I mean by that? Well, let's consider Merriam -Webster's definition of discipline again, training that corrects or molds or defects the mental faculties or moral character.

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That's right. A person can be disciplined in all the wrong things. They can be a disciple of evil, vanity, foolishness, and sin.

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Our children are likely our disciples whether we like it or not. Really, here are the four possibilities.

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Number one, the most common form of discipleship is that children are following in their parents' example as the parents pursue their own wills and ways as opposed to God's will and way.

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Number two, the second most common form of discipleship is that the child is submitting to his parents as his parents submit to Christ.

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Now, those are really the only two options, just two choices on the shelf, pleasing God or pleasing self.

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If you and your child are in any kind of discipleship relationship, it's one of these. And nearly every parent, well,

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I should say every parent who even remotely wants to fill the role of a parent, wants their child to be their disciple.

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Every parent wants to pass on to their kids the information they believe will make their child successful. However, there are two instances where our kids may not be our disciples.

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Number three, the most common is that our children refuse to be our disciples because they want to blaze their own trail.

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Now this doesn't always mean that the parents are following Christ and that the child is refusing to submit to God. It can occur when both the parents and the children are refusing to submit to God, but they have a different take on their own rebellion.

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As my friend Mark Massey says, they both smoke their own brand of flesh. Of course, this can also describe a home where mom and dad desperately want to follow

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God, but their children refuse. And number four, the second most common form of anti -discipleship is the most rare and occurs when a born -again child is having to follow

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Christ despite his parents' sinful leadership. This occurs when a sinful parent is modeling a sinful lifestyle and the child is desperately trying to follow

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Christ. Of course, even in this situation, in nearly every home like this, there's something the child can learn from their parent.

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It's a very rare home indeed where the parental authority is so incredibly deplorable that there's absolutely nothing redeeming about it.

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But it happens. Still, keep in mind, if your kids aren't your disciples, they're someone else's.

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They either belong to their Heavenly Father or their Father the Devil. I tell the boys at Victory Academy that no one is free as the world imagines it.

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Freedom in God is freedom to serve Him and enjoy the benefits of being His child. The only other alternative is slavery to sin.

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We're either servants of Christ or slaves to death. There is no reality where we are free from all restriction, expectation, authority, and consequences.

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So, even a rebellious child is being discipled by another person or worldview. Now let's switch tracks here real quick.

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Some people think that evangelism is part of discipleship. So, if I'm trying to introduce you to Christ, I am therefore discipling you.

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I don't personally believe that's true. Given the definition of the Word and the illustration in Scripture, I believe the disciple is a child who's participating in the counseling and training stages of your parenting.

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If they're refusing to submit to Christ, they're sin's disciple. They're not pre -disciples. They're not

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Christians in training. They're rebels and enemies of truth. Introducing your kids to Christ and them being justified is necessary to their being a disciple of God.

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But they're not His follower until they're actually born again. Now some people disagree with what

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I just said, and they point to the fact that Judas was considered Christ's disciple. Yes, from a secular standpoint, in an ancient context,

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Judas had left all that he had, lived with Jesus and the other disciples, was given tasks, and was taught lessons.

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But in the biblical sense of the word, he was never a true disciple of Christ. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

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So what's the import for today? Well, during our Make Small Changes point, we're going to talk to each of the parents from each of the previous categories because you're all going to have to make different first steps if you truly want to disciple your kids in Christ.

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And even if all of your kids are unsaved, which means you're not currently discipling them, stick with me to the end.

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Let's move to our second point. Number two, believe the truth about discipleship.

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Do you believe that God has put you into your child's life to help them become His disciples? Do you believe that being a parent is far more than merely putting a roof over their heads, making sure they're all well -fed and have a good education?

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Do you believe that the only discipleship that glorifies God is the one where you're following Him and training your child to do the same?

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I challenge you to grapple with these truths and to decide whether or not you're going to submit to God's design for your parenting.

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An ambassador parent's highest goal is to accurately reflect God's character, and their second highest goal is to help their children do the same.

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But just like we can't believe what we don't know, we'll never become what we don't believe. Talk to God about this.

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Have a conversation where you acknowledge His will. Apologize for the times you encouraged your kids to be your personal disciple as you leaned on your own understanding, and repent.

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Ask God to empower you to submit to His command and praise Him for loving you and your kids enough to give you everything you need to do the job.

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So if you're ready to accept God's call in your life, let's move to number three. Get some help discipling your kids.

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I hope that if you didn't previously have a mentor or counselor or accountability partner, a mature godly friend or whatever else you want to call them, that you're working on it now.

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We all need this. I have some, and you need some. God created us to live in relationships and community.

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The body of Christ needs to be one another in each other. So if you want your parenting community to be able to help you grow in this area, you're all going to have to understand biblical discipleship, and you're going to have to give each other permission to speak honestly into your life when you're not discipling your kids and encourage you when you are trying.

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Also, as I mentioned before, you can evangelize your kids by constantly pouring the gospel into their lives regardless of whether they want to hear it or not, but you can't disciple a child who refuses to follow

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Christ. This means that part of your parenting community needs to be your kids.

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That's right. I think it's super important for this process of discipleship to be out in the open. Your kids should know what you're doing.

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This should be a conversation you're having with them. If they're not even remotely interested in the process, then you're not really discipling them.

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Just like I think many parents think they're counseling and training their kids when in actuality the kid is not on board,

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I believe that many parents think they're discipling a child who's not willing to participate. That's why it's so important to have this conversation with them.

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I think this conversation should happen when your child professes faith in Christ. Now if that was a while ago, great, have the conversation now, but we also have to be careful that just because our kids made a profession or has a date written in their

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Bible, we don't just assume that they're truly born again. Be looking for that fruit. Now this is all new information to you.

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Please listen to episode 45, the second most important question you need to ask your kids. That show will help you understand my meaning and support my comments today from Scripture.

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The point is, if you believe your child is a genuine Christian, have this conversation with them.

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Include them in your parenting community. Let them know that you have friends who are there to help you disciple them to the glory of God.

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Introduce them to your friends. One of the things I strongly admonish the parents to do whose kids are at victory is to get a mentor for their son.

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The boys need as much truth pouring into their lives from as many sources as possible. Your child needs the same.

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Imagine the power of multiple disciplers in your and your child's lives. Now number four, make small changes.

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Earlier I set out four possibilities for your home. Number one, you're either already discipling your kids in the way of the

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Lord and they're participating with you. Number two, you're not leading your kids in truth and so you've been modeling for them how to live a selfish, godless life.

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Three, you're either living for God or self, but your kids are rejecting God's truth. Or number four, you're not living for God and your child is struggling to obey the

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Lord. You have to identify which description best fits your home because I'm going to speak to each of those possibilities now.

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Remember, this series is about making the initial steps to becoming a more Christ -honoring parent this year. Depending on the home habits that you've created, your first steps are going to look different from another's.

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So, number one, if you and your children are both actively, though not perfectly, following after Christ and growing in your conformity to Him, I really just praise the

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Lord and hope you do too. It's not easy because we're all sinners, but this type of house is a growing house.

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It's a house that's functioning the way God intended, even though it won't be doing it perfectly. So, keep up the good work.

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However, likely there's still more you can do. I would suggest that you start by having the conversation with your child where you share with them the significance of their sanctification.

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Make it a big deal, a special dinner, a plaque, a commemoration, something. Invite your child's mentor, invite your accountability partner.

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Here's something else you can do. If your child doesn't have more people than you actively discipling them in Christ, then my second admonishment is to get more people on board.

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These people need to be mature, God -loving people who love your child enough to want to significantly invest in them at least once a week.

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I would also recommit and rededicate yourself to the task. No matter how well you've been doing, you can always do better.

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You can always move from your present state of glory to the next level of glory God has for you as you're being conformed into His image.

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Now, the second group of parents. Number two, if you're the parent who's not been discipling your child in truth,

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I'm not saying you're teaching your kids how to rob banks or sacrifice cats to Satan. I'm simply talking about the fact that your parenting doesn't really include

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God. When you correct your kids, your words are filled with worldly paradigms, failure philosophies, pop culture, and your own emotionally laden responses.

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Then you're communicating to your kids that God's truth really isn't important to life. Sure, you may even go to church on Sunday and have your kids read their

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Bibles, but if God and His Word aren't important any other times of the week or day, then you're teaching them to pay lip service to God during formal times of quote -unquote worship, and then they can jettison

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Him during the rest of their lives. This happens when we're teaching our kids and we don't take it back to the

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Scriptures. This happens when we're disciplining our children and we don't take it back to the Scriptures. This happens when we're living with our children and it doesn't ever come back to the

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Scriptures. My friends, I say this because I love you. I believe that this describes the homes of most people in the church.

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If your kids seem to be sweet and compliant and obedient to you, then what you've been doing is teaching them to follow their own pragmatism.

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They do whatever feels right in the moment, but it's not grounded in God's unchanging expectations. If that's the case, then you're training your children to be disciples of sin and death.

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Now, this is a huge topic that I have addressed in various episodes, and I can't take the time to unpack it here, but you can listen to Training Your Children to Rebel in episode 43 for a jump -off point.

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So what are your first steps? I believe you need to start between you and God. You need to go back to the believe the truth about disciple -making step.

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Second, you're going to have to sit down with your kids and have a significant heart -to -heart. I step parents through this kind of situation all of the time.

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It generally goes like this. Number one, the parents apologize for not being the ambassadors God called and created them to be.

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Number two, they give solid examples of how they've parented in their own opinions instead of God's truth.

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Number three, they let their kids know they're recommitting to being the follower of Christ God's called them to be.

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By the way, in many of these occasions, I've been blessed to help the parents see that they aren't leading their children in truth because they themselves weren't living in truth either.

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The parents needed to be born again. They needed to become a disciple of God first. Those are sweet and those are amazing times.

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And number four, the children then have to respond. And they normally have one of two responses. First, some children will embrace the whole change.

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They'll participate in the process with their parents. They'll come to know the Lord or if they've already been saved, they'll start growing better with more consistent leadership.

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Or second, regardless of how they respond during the conversation, they end up despising the process.

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You see, your kids have likely learned very well from your example. And it's always easy to follow the example of someone who's encouraging me to follow my own heart.

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That's humanity's natural tendency. We all want to lean on our own understanding. And like any hard or rocky or thorny hearted child, your kids are not necessarily going to like to have their worlds turned upside down.

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They may potentially fight the whole process. The response of the hard and thorny kids is to push back hard against the increased amount of truth flowing into their lives that just wasn't there before.

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If you haven't heard the 4 Children series, please check out episode 56. It will step you through what your next steps need to be depending on how your children respond and what they reveal their hearts to be.

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The point is, you have to be ready for just about anything. Even if you make the choice to double down on your own discipleship, you may have a battle ahead of you when your kids realize the home isn't going to continue to be comfortable for people who just want to live for themselves.

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This is the path that nearly every family takes who ends up sending their child to Victory Academy for Boys.

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It's not everyone's journey, but it is for many of them. Often, the parents haven't evangelized or disciplined their kids to follow

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Christ. Instead, they inadvertently taught their kids to live emotionally, pragmatically, and selfishly.

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When the child is young and manageable, it wasn't hard to control them, but when they're older and still living that way, it makes the home situation unbearable.

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The family from the second category quickly becomes the family from the third category when the child starts rebelling even against his parents' version of godless living.

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Now, the parents, feeling like they're losing control they actually never really had, reach out for help. And all of a sudden, the kids find themselves going to doctors and pastors and counselors and mentors and they flip out even more because the selfishly comfortable life they had been living is being challenged.

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Listen, I'm not saying any of this to discourage you. I'm saying this to warn you, to admonish you. Start now.

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Start early. Regardless of what stage your kids are at, regardless of what habits, good or bad, you've made in the past, take the first steps and trust

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God for the rest. We have a ton of episodes about how to parent foolish children, angry children, hateful children, and rebellious children.

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If you rely on his strength and his word, God will give you everything you need to respond to whatever comes your way, but you'll still have to do your part.

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And please notice how important that parenting community is to this individual. They need help.

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Their rebellious child needs help. Their family needs help. Quickly now, let me jump over the third category and move to the fourth, and then

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I'll circle back again to the third category. Number four, listen, if you've been living apart from God and the

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Lord has been gracious enough to save your child despite your influence, and God's trying to mature your son or daughter in him, but you've been fighting that process, please submit to your

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Creator. We have a whole page on our website called The First Step to Being a Good Parent.

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You can click the link below to learn all about that most important first step. You can also contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

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to learn more. All right now, parent number three, why did I wait to get to you?

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A couple reasons. First, I wanted to piggyback my comments to parent four from what I had said to parent two.

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Second, this category is very prevalent and most people believe they fit into this one, whether they actually do or not.

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I wanted everyone to grapple with whether they really were discipling their kids in Christ, discipling their kids in secular humanism without even knowing it, or even leading their born -again children away from God.

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Don't just dismiss the possibility that those descriptions better match your parenting than you think.

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Lean hard on your parenting friends to speak truthfully into this as well. Be honest, be broken, be that needy parent who humbly acknowledges your total dependence on God.

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So now, number three, for you parents who believe that you truly have done your best to evangelize your kids and your parenting

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Bible is thick, you constantly are pointing back to the Bible and the daily instruction and interpretation of life, but who have kids who refuse to submit to the truth their parents are daily living, here are some first steps for you.

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Number one, determine who your child is really rejecting. Remember, this category includes parents who both live for Christ and live for self.

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In some situations, the child is rejecting God and rejecting his parents' submission to God, but in other situations, the child is rejecting

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God and rejecting their parents' own self -worship. I've said it often, but we too frequently take our children who are not worshiping

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God and ask them to worship us. We demand that they submit because of everything we've done for them.

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We require them to stop because we just can't take it anymore. In those situations, it's true that your kid doesn't want to worship

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God, they want to worship themselves, but they also don't want to worship you, so they reject your demands as well.

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Therefore, you need to figure out who your child is really rejecting. Are they rebelling because they hate God and they hate you for loving

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God, or are they rebelling because they hate God and they hate you for demanding that they worship you? If you're calling your children to love

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God, keep it up, but learn from my admonition to the first category of parents. If you've been guilty of demanding your child submit to you, then learn from my admonition to the parents in the second and fourth categories.

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Number two, determine if your child needs to be evangelized or discipled. Now, from my personal experience, a child who lives in open and daily rebellion is an unregenerate individual.

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Do Christians sin? Yes, and yes again. But are their lives categorized by living in the darkness of the flesh?

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No, they're not. However, is it possible that your born -again child is struggling with sin, and perhaps you've compounded the issue by provoking them to wrath?

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Yes, I would encourage you to draw them back to the gospel either way, though. Their submission and discipleship needs to be grounded in who their

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God is, not your or my expectations. Number three, once you've determined as best as you can if your child even wants to be a disciple, the choice has been made for you.

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An unsaved child will need to continue to be evangelized, and a genuinely Christian child will need to be discipled, and I encourage you to follow the steps

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I outlined above for the first group of parents. But don't try to counsel and train someone who hasn't first submitted to the crosswork of Christ.

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It will be fruitless and aggravating. Now, in conclusion, this episode has been long.

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I know, but there was so much to say. But what makes it worse is that you can take the first steps to being an intentional premeditated ambassador parent all by yourself, but you can't just start being a disciple -making parent if your kids aren't willing to be disciples.

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However, you can stop making the wrong types of disciples, and you can continue growing in your own personal discipleship.

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Now, after today, we will have spoken through our incomplete tagline. We will have talked about how to be an intentional premeditated disciple -making ambassador parent.

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But our last four episodes of this series are going to answer how you can start being teaching, interpreting, counseling, and training parents as well, because that's all part and parcel of being an ambassador.

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And you're going to find some uncomfortable similarities between this discussion and our counseling and training topics.

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Those two require participation from your child. However, you need to be growing into the parent you need to be today so that when your kids are ready to submit tomorrow, you're ready for them.

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Please share this episode and don't miss our next one when we answer the question, how do you become a teaching parent?

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I know this whole parenting thing is probably a lot more involved than you may have originally thought, but it's truly a blessed and noble and necessary endeavor that you've been handpicked by God to fulfill, and we want to equip you as best as we can.

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So, to that end, I will see you next time. Truth. Love. Parents.

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Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.