TLP 161: Help Your Children Discover God’s Will for Their Occupations, Part 2

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Interpreting these lists will take time and care in order to not make a big deal out of desires that are selfishly motivated.

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We never want to encourage our children down a trajectory that leads away from God. Welcome to Truth.

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Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Welcome back. If you did not listen to the last episode, then you need to stop this one and check that one out first.

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This episode will mean nothing to you without episode 160. Of course, I also encourage you to listen to the whole series, which started in episode 158.

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But if you're returning and ready for part two of helping your children discover God's will for their occupation, then

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I'd appreciate if you consider reviewing us on iTunes and or Facebook. Your reviews are a huge blessing and an important part of growing our

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Truth. Love. Parent ministry. Thank you in advance for what you're going to do. Alright, so today I want to teach you the basics of interpreting the insight tool.

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First let me say that this particular episode will not have any specifically biblical principles in regard to interpreting the tool beyond the admonition to be wise and discerning and to know your children.

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Second, we must understand that interpretation is subjective. There's a huge difference between being a translator and an interpreter.

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Translation is taking words from one language and putting them into another. Interpretation deals with explaining or telling the meaning of something.

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It deals with ideas, not hard and fast details. The point is, interpretation is not as strict and regulated as translation.

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We're not going to translate your child's list into a definite life calling or specific job choice.

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What we're going to do is look at the basic philosophies of interpreting who God is creating your child to be.

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We're going to discuss the basic principles, then we're going to look at some interpretation hurdles and end off applying these principles for those of you with young children.

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So let's look first at the basic steps for interpreting your kid's list. And please understand, these principles are very basic.

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The more you know about the Bible, personality, counseling, communication, anthropology, and psychology, the better you're likely going to do with this list.

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But don't fret. If you don't know any of those things, you should be able to lay a very solid foundation to help your child find the right trajectory in life.

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And if you're interested in taking the Insight Tool to a deeper level, we have a program called the TLP Mentorship Program that can assist you further.

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I'll include the link in the description. Alright, step one, open a spreadsheet on your computer and start collecting your children's line items into categories.

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I suggest using a computer for its extreme ease, but if you like to go old school and use a pencil and paper, more power to you.

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Just be careful that you don't skip steps to avoid writer's cramp or to hurry the process. Likely, some of the line items may fit into more than one category.

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For example, your child says they want to work at Panera Bread, okay? That could be lumped with other food -related items, but it can also be grouped with a service industry and business.

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Again, each child is going to have a very unique list with different categories and groups, but if you pay attention, you'll see the overlaps.

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Also, each of the four lists may be slightly different, so in a minute, I'm going to step you through each of the four lists and give you some other things to consider for each of those.

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B. Once you've categorized the line items, you need to give special attention to the longest and shortest categories.

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The longest category will likely tell you about the trajectory your child might go in their occupation or in their hobbies.

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In high school, my list included poetry and writing and reading and communication. Yes, today poetry is one of my hobbies, but I am a writer and an author.

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The martial arts was on my list too. I had my own martial arts school for a while, and I use it still and teach it every year.

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But the main items on my list dealt with relationships and working with people. Any of you who know me understand that counseling is my life.

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So here's the important thing to remember. Most kids don't like work, so you may have a teenage guy whose list is filled with stuff like mountain biking and rock climbing and skateboarding.

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That doesn't mean that God's creating him to be in the X Games. We'll have to be able to differentiate between something a child likes to do as part of their life and something they will do with their life.

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I think we give our kids a lot of bad advice when we tell them to do things they love. It's not that the advice itself is bad, it's that our kids don't love the most worthwhile things.

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Instead, we should teach our children to love what they have to do, whether or not that thing is work or play.

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We have an episode all about how to teach your children to love the right things. It's episode 137, and it comes right before how to train your children to obey.

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It doesn't matter that my child likes to dissect animals. That doesn't necessarily mean God wants him to be a brain surgeon.

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C. Pay close attention to anything that reveals a lack of desire for the things of the

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Lord. This is a huge one. Whether it's saying they don't want to be a missionary or a lack of any spiritual emphasis at all on any of their other lists, that's a problem.

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That's why I started with episodes 158 and 159. Above and beyond everything else, God expects us to live for His honor and glory and to achieve

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His purposes on this planet. When your child's lists are complete, if there are few to no line items talking about God, His Word, the church, telling others about Christ, ministry, relationships, mentoring, or serving, then there's a definite problem.

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God is the soul center and purpose of our lives. We were made by Him and to Him and for Him.

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That's the reality of life. The Christian life, church, life -on -life ministry is not an option, it's a command.

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If our kids view it as an afterthought or as a negotiable element in life, they're headed in the wrong direction.

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D. Look for tensions, contradictions, and missing information. Let me give you an example of a tension.

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Your child may have way too much of an emphasis on playing and hobbies. Another example may be that your dictator child carefully crafted her list to point in the direction she wants them to point.

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An example of a contradiction is when a child talks a lot about food, restaurants, and cooking, but categorically says they would never want to work with food.

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That's something to investigate. And missing information is the things you know your child should have on their lists, but either forgot or chose not to include.

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I worked with one boy who said beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn't want to be in any occupation where he would have to communicate.

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And he always talked about wanting to be in the fashion industry. The thing was, when he made his list, there was a ton of stuff in there about communication and nothing about the clothing industry.

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And that's interesting. Alright, so with those four considerations in mind, let's step through the four lists and talk about things for which to look on each list.

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Number one, on the don't like list, I often find ministry, food service, blue collar, and certain white collar jobs like doctors and lawyers and teachers and government jobs, etc.

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Don't overanalyze this one. Just group them into categories. Let me tell you why this is helpful though.

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One of the last lists I did, the young man said he didn't want to do a number of jobs that all had the same thing in common. He didn't want to be responsible for another's safety.

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He had things like doctors, firemen, police, full -time ministry, a pastor, a teacher, and social services. That was very interesting insight into his soul.

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Take note of interesting things like that. There are two things, however, that should be huge red flags to you.

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Number one, again, when your child says they don't want to be involved in ministry, whether that's full -time or not. And two, when they don't want to do something that you can tell right away lines up perfectly with their skill set or personality.

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This always reveals a heart that is not attuned to God's realities. These are symptoms of a child who potentially isn't born again, is double -minded, or is ignorant of God's will for their lives.

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I've encountered children who said they didn't want to be parents solely because they hated their home life. Some kids would be wonderful teachers but don't want to because they have a bad attitude about school.

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Many children have said they don't want to be in ministry because they really don't have a heart for God. Now, I'm not saying that every person needs to be in traditional full -time

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Christian service, but it does mean this. Consider all the people in the Bible. They represented a ton of occupations.

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They were farmers, fishermen, kings, prophets, prostitutes, teachers, scribes, shepherds, tentmakers, and many more.

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But rarely did their occupation mean anything. Peter's occupation got in the way of God's will for his life many times.

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Paul's tentmaking was barely a blip in God's plan for him. Lydia's business, selling purple, pales in comparison to her love and the ministry to the church that she had.

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David's kingship only mattered as he was submitted to God and worked toward his purposes. And how many prophets and priests and scribes and teachers of the law are condemned in Scripture because they were doing seemingly good things in the wrong ways for the wrong reasons?

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My point is this. We too often see our occupation as our purpose in life. Listen to me carefully. It is not.

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Your job doesn't define you. Your relationship with God does. Your job is merely another tool

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God wants you to use to glorify Him. When children say they don't want to be involved in ministry or the church, they don't understand

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God's will. Listen, we're all theologians. We're all called to be preachers and teachers.

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We're all commanded to make disciples. We're all told to one another and minister and serve.

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Period. That's why I'm inviting Jessica Mayer back onto the show to talk with us about rearing a child who knows how to serve.

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Stay tuned for that episode. I know it will be awesome. Number two. All right, moving on to our second list.

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This is usually the longest list. It details your child's likes and interests. Now, don't be put off by the length.

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The more information, the better. Put the items into categories that make sense. And don't forget that many items may easily fall into more than one category.

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This list has the potential to reveal what God is in the process of creating your child to be.

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Okay. Now, we mentioned last time that an unsaved child or a rebelling child, which oftentimes are the same thing, will likely have desires that do not submit to God's will.

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Just because a kid wants to be a drug dealer does not mean that's what God wants for him. But God may have gifted him with an eye for business or entrepreneurialism.

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Perhaps he'll be good at management or sales. Or maybe he's just an addict who wants a quick buck.

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That's where your ability to interpret these lists will be better than mine in some regards. Your insight about your child should be helpful in distinguishing at a glance what

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I would have to ask very precise questions to discover. Now, in this list, I like to lump anything dealing with relationships and people into the same category as the specifically spiritual items on the list.

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Okay. So the spiritual things and the relational things I put together. Many children may have a desire to serve others, but not use biblical terminology to express it.

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I personally see relational line items showing that they are potentially enjoying living out the one another's for which

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God created all of us. Again, check out the longest and shortest lists. They may reveal things about your child you just never realized.

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The third list is about their life experiences. This is the list that reads more like a resume. It may be long or short depending on their age and the number of activities and experiences you've afforded them.

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This list tends to be very straightforward and factual. So be on the lookout for missing information. One individual with whom

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I worked left out all of her musical experiences. She was a fantastic musician, but she loathed much of it because she felt her parents forced her into it and she had a bad attitude.

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And that definitely reveals a huge heart issue. Again, don't forget that most kids also tend to leave out the following things from their list.

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Service opportunities. For example, working in the nursery or VBS or volunteering at a soup kitchen are often overlooked.

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Also, work experiences. As strange as it may sound, because many children don't like work or they just don't like the specific job they currently have, they won't include it in the list, even though God is using that situation to make them the people

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He wants them to be. Everything they're learning on a job can have application to other areas of life, especially if they're in the service industry.

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And it's all a small part in who they're one day going to be. I could do a whole series of episodes on how to parent your child through their first job.

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Man, that is an important time of life. Oftentimes, children forget education too. As you and I know, education is a massive part of a resume.

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Unfortunately, too many children have bad attitudes about school. And it's true that the basic courses required of everyone may not be noteworthy.

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So counsel them this way. Have them make note of their most enjoyable classes and have them make note of the classes and electives that they've chosen to take.

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And lastly, most children don't include times of pain, hardship, and suffering. Sitting by the bedside of a dying relative, breaking one's arm, going through chemo, even being a child of divorced parents are life experiences

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God's using to make your child who He wants them to be. They're important and should be included.

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My point is these lists are only as valuable as they are accurate and detailed. And number four, the fourth list is actually the newest list of the bunch.

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My mom never had me fill this list out way back in 1998. This is the list where your kids write down their life dreams and aspirations.

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The first three lists indirectly reveal who your children are, but this last list gives them a place to directly expose their dreams.

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However, as much as they may enjoy it, I'm not going to say that this list is inconsequential, but if you're not careful, you can give this list way more importance than it deserves.

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My son is currently 11, and I rarely ask him what he wants to be when he grows up. To be honest,

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I think asking your child that question is really foolish. I find you get much more beneficial answers when you ask, what does

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God want you to be when you grow up? That question is a wonderful way to get young children thinking along these lines of the insight tool, but it also focuses them on the truths we learned at the beginning of the study, that God has significant expectations for who our kids are.

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However, I have asked my son from time to time what he thinks it might be cool to do when he gets older. Notice that I word it that way to give him the idea that it doesn't really matter what he wants to do or be, but I am curious what his interests are.

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Now, it might sound harsh to say it doesn't really matter what he wants to be, but again, we need to think maturely about this concept.

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Seriously, you ask your five -year -old what he wants to be, and he wants to be in the army. Now, whether that idea seems like a good one or not, the reality is that it's motivated by massive amounts of immaturity and a significantly underdeveloped understanding of who

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God is and what his expectations for life are. He's five years old. Now, please understand,

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I'm not saying that going into the army is a bad thing. I am saying that when I repeatedly ask my kids what they want to be, number one,

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I'm giving them the false impression that what they should do with their life has anything to do with their immature desires.

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Two, that what God thinks isn't as important as what they think. And three, we're setting them up for failure because it's so easy for a child to fixate.

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They get a cool idea in their head, and they latch onto that. Sure, some kids grow out of their childish fancies.

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At one point, my daughter wanted to be a bear hunter or a butterfly. But you have no idea how many young adults are still barreling down the trajectory they set as a grade schooler.

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So anyway, I asked my son what he thought it might be cool to do, and he says he wants to be a spy or an actor.

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Now, if I put a ton of importance on that, I could be tempted to pave my son's way to being an actor or a spy.

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And for some reason, we do this as parents. Our kid says they want to be a doctor, so we throw them into the only preschool in town that's for aspiring doctors.

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Why do we leave those kinds of decisions to our kids? I get that being a doctor is a noble calling, but have we considered that perhaps

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God doesn't want my child to be a doctor? And perhaps I should consider discovering what God wants my child to be?

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So, my son wants to be an actor or a spy. Is there anything valuable I can glean from that revelation? Sure, it shows who my son is.

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It shows how he thinks. And the same is true for your children and their dream lists. Both of those professions, however, involve pretending to be something you're not.

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Well, that makes sense. Children love make -believe, so that's not surprising at all, especially because my son, and he's, you know, he's been pretending his whole life.

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Also, as I was parenting through this conversation, I turned the discussion to things of God. And when he considered the immensity of the calling

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God has for his children, my son came to the conclusion that his initial desires paled in comparison to the desires that God had.

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Not only that, but after carefully considering the life of a spy, the lies, the danger, the whole purpose of their jobs, he decided that that wasn't the life for him.

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Okay, now, I knew this would happen. There's so much to say and so little time to say it in. We have three more observations to make.

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I want to talk about why it's important to fill out the list in order. I want to talk about the four issues that we discussed last time.

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And I want to be able to make an application for those of you with young children. Okay, so here we go. Number one, let me tell you why it's important to fill out the lists in order.

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It's really just a set of psychological stepping stones. If the child started with the last list, that might easily set limitations around their other lists.

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She may consciously or subconsciously compile her list to line up with what she already wants to do. The first list lets them kind of clear their minds of the unnecessary.

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The second list lets them have fun and is more important than the other, so we want them to enjoy the process. Unlike the third list, where they may start feeling tiresome, you know, to a certain children, this one is designed to be easier to fill out.

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Okay, it's just factual elements. They don't have to exercise their brain too much. Then the fourth list, which carries even less weight, is often an enjoyable experience, so they don't mind doing that one.

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There are plenty of other reasons the lists are in that order, but I only wanted to explain that it is valuable to have your children work on them one at a time in order.

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Sometimes I only tell the child about one list at a time to keep them focused on the task at hand. Okay, again,

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I appreciate your patience. I have only a couple more points to make. Number two, the four issues from last time were these.

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Regardless of their level of obedience and submission, unsaved children are at a disadvantage. I also pointed out that born -again children who are double -minded may have the same issues with their lists that unsaved kids do.

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I mentioned that this doesn't mean their lists don't work. It merely means that interpreting them becomes more challenging.

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Did they write down trustworthy passions? Have they been influenced too much by the world and sin?

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And regardless of the answers to these questions, we know that if they're unsaved, they can't understand spiritual things and won't necessarily care to truly glorify

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God with their lives. And the double -minded children are much better off. So interpreting these lists will take time and care in order to not make a big deal out of desires that are selfishly motivated.

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We never want to encourage our children down a trajectory that leads away from God. C, the third observation was that the really smart kids may be tempted to craft a list that supports their desires kind of as a manipulation tool.

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We've already talked about this some, but I remember talking with a young lady who, after choosing her college, said,

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I hope God likes my choice. Well, that's not putting the cart before the horse. I don't know what is.

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For children like this, it may be wise to give them one list at a time. You could even not tell them the final purpose of the lists if you're concerned they may give into this temptation.

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And D, we talked about children who are lazy and who don't do a good job with their lists. Honestly, at that point, you have bigger issues with which to deal.

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There are no lists or tools that are going to prepare that child, save God's Word and His Spirit. But the insight tool can be very helpful in showing your child that they're not ready for the world.

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Their inability to fill out a few lists can be used to illustrate their self -worship. But how to parent them through that is for another discussion.

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I do, however, plan to spend some time talking about how to parent lazy children in a future episode, so Lord willing, that will be a blessing to you.

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Now, let's go ahead and finish up by applying these concepts to younger children. My earlier example about my son should be instructive when it comes to interpreting your child's passions, but consider the following.

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A. Anytime your child expresses dislike for something, you need to see that as more than a mere preference.

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It's an outworking of his character and a potential indication of how God's working in his life. My parenting philosophy about my children's dislikes is this.

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If my child has a preference for one thing over another, that's okay. But if my child shows dislike toward something, that's not okay.

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Biblically speaking, the only thing we're allowed to hate is sin. I believe we're not careful enough with the concept of dislike.

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Things we dislike are, more often than not, things with which we're discontent when they come into our lives.

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And discontentment is a sin. B. Anytime my child expresses enjoyment or passion for something,

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I need to see that as more than a mere preference. It, too, is an outworking of his character and a potential indication of how

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God's working in his life. But again, she may enjoy helping in the kitchen because it feeds her lust for praise.

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He may love getting A's in school because of the applause he receives from his teachers and the parents or the control it gives him over others.

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She may want to be a cheerleader because of the attention she receives. Those types of responses reveal an issue in their character.

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We parents must not be freckle -level parents. I know it's an overused analogy, but our kids really are like icebergs.

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When we casually view their seeming good choices and assume those choices are growing from righteous motives, we're being naive at best.

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We've got to figure out what's below the surface. And C. As I mentioned last time, we can now understand better how important our kids' life experiences really are to them.

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We must look at each park trip and educational video and book and music lesson and moments spent sitting on the counter while I cook as divine equipping times.

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Most children view learning as something that happens at school. My wife and I teach our kids that learning should happen all day, every day.

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Remember the core concept of sanctified sustainability. God hates waste. When we waste our time and resources brainlessly experiencing life, we're not redeeming the time.

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And the last consideration is this. Anytime my child shares their dreams and aspirations, I need to see that as more than a mere preference.

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Again, it's an outworking of his character and a potential indication of how God's working in his life. The key on which to focus is that everything my child says and does is important because they're revealing who they are.

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And every experience they have is important because God is using them to equip her for life.

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And because these concepts are so important, I need to parent the deep realities of my child's desires and experiences.

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I mustn't merely view them as coincidence, accidents, or unimportant details of life. Now, I know the idea of interpreting a list like this with no previous practice may sound daunting, so don't forget that we have the

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TLP Mentorship Program. Whether it's our free 25 days to becoming a premeditated parent course or any other projects we have at TruthLoveParent .com,

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the mentorship program connects you with one of our counselors who will step you through the project. They'll provide feedback, accountability, and all the assistance you're going to need.

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We want your child to know God's will just as much as you do, so we'd love to help with that process. Again, I'll include that link in the description.

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And on our next episode, we're going to talk about how to make decisions. What car should your child buy? Who should they marry?

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What school should they attend? Should they eat that second cookie? I believe all these questions can be answered to the glory of God based off principles in his word.

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Don't miss that episode as we finish up this five -part series in helping your children discover God's will for their lives. And don't forget to share this episode with your friends and tell them about TruthLove Parent and swing by Taking Back the

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Family to download today's free episode notes. And lastly, I want to thank our dear friend Kara for being a consistent supporter of this ministry.

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Just a week ago, she sent me this email. I am beyond grateful for the ministry of TLP. The messages on the podcast speak directly to my situation time after time, and I know

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I am becoming a stronger ambassador parent each time I tune in. Thank you. I recognize that Satan's trying to hold on to what he thinks he's got, and on a good day,

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I can firmly say, get behind me, Satan, with all the authority given to me in Christ Jesus. But on not -so -good days, it's easy to know

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I can say that, but harder to act on that knowledge. These are the days especially that I appreciate the podcasts.

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They are short enough that I can listen to the same ones multiple times, and they reconnect me with the God who is always by my side, even when

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I don't realize it because my eyes are clouded with tears. Thank you for helping me keep my self -pity in check and my eyes on the cross."

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If you love TLP as much as Kara does, please check out our

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Patreon page to learn more about how you can partner with us as we glorify God by serving families all over the world.

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Listen, there's no need for God's children to have to find themselves or to wander through life without a purpose.

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Decisions don't have to be traumatizing or paralyzing. God's will is clear, and his word gives us everything we need for life and godliness.

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So, I'll see you next time when we discuss how to teach your children to make decisions in life that glorify God. Truth. Love.

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Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.