The Peacemaker: Resolving Conflict — Shane Idleman

Christ’s Division and the Call to Peacemaking

I'm actually going to talk tonight about the peacemaker, the peacemaker. The reason is simple. Last week I talked about Christ bringing division, right? That Christ is going to bring division into our homes and our workplace.

Everybody left here going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't need it. Yeah, all the fights I'm getting into, I do, you know, it's their fault because it's because I'm following Christ. And and Jesus said, do not think that I came to bring peace on earth.

I did not come to bring peace, but a sword for I've come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man's enemies will be those of his own household.

People say Jesus said that. Yeah, the reason is once the light of the world came here, the darkness hates the light. People don't like for me to talk about Jesus. They don't want to pray in Jesus's name.

They don't have anything to do with Jesus. So when you stand for Christ, when you stand for truth, that in and of itself is going to bring division. Right. And so we left here going, yeah, I don't care, I'm on fire for God.

I don't care if it brings division. I don't care if it hurts people. Jane said it. Well, now we need to stop and we need to make sure that's not the case, because although the truth offends. Right, the truth is going to offend people, our attitude shouldn't.

And I said that last week, and I want to I actually want to do a whole sermon on this, because if you look around, conflict is everywhere. Or is it just me? Oh, good. That was a close one. Right. It's in our homes.

It's in the workplace. It's in our families. And guess where else is that? You didn't you knew that already, right? Conflict is everywhere. Conflict is everywhere. So I didn't want to I didn't want us running out of here thinking, well, if I'm divided with somebody, that's their problem.

Shane said that the truth is going to bring division. And it will when you stand up for truth. You've seen this, right? Those who stand up for truth. They talk about Jesus Christ. People say, get out of here.

I mean, look at now the Navy chaplains. They want to remove prayer. They want to throw the Army, Marines, everybody else in there, right? The whole military to get prayer out of it. You can pray to everybody except don't pray to Jesus Christ.

That name offends that name, upsets people. And there's no peace. There's conflict. Because when the light of this world came here and there's now conflict with the prince of the air, the prince of darkness, it's a conflict that we cannot escape.

But Jesus says, here's how you need to act when you go into conflict, because that's important truth to remember that the truth will offend. But our attitude shouldn't. Well, how in the world do you pull that one off?

Hence the need for the sermon, right? We desperately need this. And I want to throw this out there. There's a recommended sometimes I recommend a book. I'm reading one this week. It's called The Peacemaker by Ken Sandy.

It's endorsed by a lot of people that we look up to. It's a very good book on this whole issue. And if it doesn't convict your heart, nothing will. But I want to draw a little bit from that. But I want to draw primarily from scripture.

Breathing Grace Into Conflict

And when I talk about this topic of the peacemaker, I like what his definition is. He says the peacemaker is someone who breathes grace into a conflict. So if you're a peacemaker, you're going to bring grace into the conflict, you're going to breathe grace into the conflict.

That's what a peacemaker does. Doesn't mean that it's void of conflict. Doesn't mean they're a master negotiator. Doesn't mean they flee conflict. It doesn't mean they beat everybody up and win the conflict.

We actually breathe grace into the conflict. So when there's a conflict in my home, right? Well, it's hard because you've got a pastor and a pastor's wife. So they're both better be breathing grace into conflict, right?

Or with my children or in the workplace, you breathe grace into that conflict. Not the flesh. There's a big difference there. One will get you in trouble. The other one will will help lead that conflict to where the direction it needs to to be.

And I want to clarify, I'm not talking about being a doormat, I'm not talking about fleeing. I'm talking about taking conflict to God and breathing grace into it and being the instrument that God has called us to be.

And the introduction to this message is pretty short. I just want to start with this. Peace must be fought for. It does not come naturally. Did you realize that if you want peace in your homes, you want peace in your workplace, you want peace, it will not come naturally.

If you just say, well, just whatever comes, you know, it will it'll get ugly. It'll get worse because peace has to be fought for. You have to fight for peace. The reason is because your flesh wants to do this.

God says do this. So there's this constant tension. You've got to you've got to fight for peace. And I want to just encourage you tonight, if you want peace in your homes, in your workplace, make a commitment tonight.

I'm going to work on peace. I'm going to fight for peace because it's not just going to happen. And don't we do that a lot? Well, if I just ignore it for a few days, that'll get better. Right. And then what happens?

It doesn't get better in the same way that a fire doesn't get smaller when you put gasoline on it. When you when you allow conflict to grow, it actually does grow. It gets worse because days, nights, weeks, it just grows and grows.

And then you have angry tantrums. You fly off the handle, you say words that I haven't said in 15 years. Where did that come from? Anger, throwing things, hitting things. It just explodes because it wasn't dealt with initially.

That's why this area of peacemaking is so important. And Paul doesn't let us off the hook. Romans 12, 18, if possible, what Paul's saying here, if it's possible, because sometimes it's not possible. You can try to make peace.

You can be the bridge builder. You can do all you've done, but people are still going to ignore you, be mad at you and not want to talk to you. Well, at least you've done all that you can do. So Paul says, if possible, so far as it depends upon you, be at peace with all men.

So there's no wiggle room here. Paul saying, if it's possible, as much as depends upon you, be at peace with all men. And I found during the studies when there's conflict, God isn't necessarily saying that both parties will be resolved.

Both parties will be filled with the spirit of God. Both parties will do things right. He says, as much as it depends upon you, not what this other person does. And I would, man, if I could get this one point across in marriage counseling more than anything else, somebody's got to be the peacemaker.

If not, here's what keeps happening. No, no, no, no, I'm not going to do it. They're going to do it years later. So God says, as much as it depends upon you, be the peacemaker. Be the peacemaker, because normally what happens is when you become the peacemaker, the other person says, you know what?

I've been wrong in this area, too. I need to work on that, too. I'm not good in this. Or can you and you just you just you just stop the whole argument because you became the peacemaker. That's why Paul and Jesus, many times you'll see you'll see these hard commands in the New Testament.

Right. Like as much as it depends upon you live at peace with all men and submitting to government and all these things and submitting to authority. The reason is the gospel and the New Testament tells us to err on the side of grace.

I have no problem erring on the side of the flesh that will come naturally. If I don't do anything, that'll happen. So that's why to err on the side of grace, err on the side of being the peacemaker as much as it depends upon you.

You can fill in your name in that blank. Right. As much as it depends upon you and you and you, you be the peacemaker. But guess what? Unless you're different than me, I don't like that. They need to say they're sorry.

They need to come to me as I wait. Right. I didn't do anything wrong. No, I sure didn't. They did it. They took it wrong. No. And we just wait there. And he says, no, as much as that you go. And I found if you're going to make peace, a lot of times you've got to be the initiator.

Now, another hard one is this can be a hard sermon. I'm telling you up front. If you don't like it so far, there's the back example I can tell anybody. But you've got to be the initiator. You've got to initiate peace.

If you wait for it to happen on its own, it will not happen. So Paul's crystal clear. If it depends upon you, be at peace with all men. And in Matthew 11, Jesus said, come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Coming to Christ for Rest and Peace

Isn't that interesting that rest and peace are synonymous? You can't have one without the other, right? Anytime you think of God's peace, you think of God's rest. Anytimes you have rest, there's peace in your house.

If I'm resting in my home while four little kids are in bed and when they get up, there's not peace. If they go together. But listen, that sentence might be for somebody and I felt this in the first service to Jesus is saying, if you come to me, see, I don't know where you're at with God.

I have no idea where anybody's at in this room. I know some people are on fire for God. I know that some have slipped away. I know some that searching. I know that some would just outright reject him, whatever it is.

Jesus has a promise here. He says, if you come to me and you're laboring, you're heavy laden, you've got guilt, you've got shame. Take it to the cross. Take it to me. I will give you rest. Listen, this isn't some pie in the sky philosophy that we can't come up with.

This is truth. I like the song that they sing that God came down from heaven to save us. And it hit me during the first service that we're this little blip on the map of the universe. We're nothing. And God came down.

He said, I'm going to save you. I'm going to redeem you. But you cannot continue to reject me. You must turn to me. And when you do, then I will give you rest. Come to me all your week and heavy laden and I will give you rest.

There's initiative. There's something in our part. We have to do that. We have to accept that. We have to embrace it. And then he goes on to say, take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy. My burden is light. And that tells me there is a there is a yoke to carry. There is there is a burden that we have to carry. I'm hoping to bring it next week, but it was in the paper today.

I wrote about, does God have a wonderful plan for your life? And I spoke about that a week ago. And we have to realize that sometimes there's a burden to carry. It's hard. Life is difficult. And we need to prepare people for that.

Listen, but his yoke is light. If if you allow him to carry the burden, you give him the fear and the doubt and the anxiety. You give it to him. There's a little yoke to carry, but it's light compared to what you have to do without him.

But it starts with come to me, come to me all your week and heavy laden and I will give you rest. And I've noticed this, that doing it God's way in regard to peacemaking, doing it God's way releases the heavy load and brings peace.

Even though it's hard, when we do it God's way, it brings a lot of peace and the load has been lifted. You know, don't you hate those turmoil that I'm going to make that phone call? I could do it. Seems like I do that every week now, but it's like, you know, you're constantly in turmoil and you got it.

God says, listen, if you give this to me, if you do it my way, yes, there's going to be a yoke. There's going to be a burden. It's going to be, but if you do it my way, there will be a release. There will be a peace after that, because if you just carry around conflict, it doesn't just go away.

I believe in toxic emotions. I believe that you can carry anger and unforgiveness and bitterness and just carry around your dying inside spiritually. And one conflict on top of another, on top of another, you have people say, I've had it.

I've had enough, enough. Why? Because of all the conflicts that's not being resolved and they're holding on to it. That's why when we do it God's way, we release it, we release it. I can honestly say that as weeks go by, when I give the conflicts to God, when I do it God's way, not Shane's way.

And even though relationships might be fractured or hurt a little bit, there's peace. We've done as much as it depends upon you live with at peace with all men. And I know what many of us are doing right now.

I wish such and such was here to hear this one. Right. And it's usually the better half who's not sitting next to you. Don't worry, I'll get the video out, we'll make sure they hear it. But for now, I think God's speaking to us in this area.

If we if but we don't want to, if I go, if not negotiate, if I initiate, that's what I want to do. Right. You want to negotiate. But when you're a peacemaker, if you initiate it, God will bless that. He'll bless that attitude.

You'll be filled with the spirit of God. You're doing things right, even though the other person is not. But we're so worried about the other person that we don't do things right either. And what happens?

Nobody wants to be the initiator in this area. And honestly, I don't like this part about forgiveness and peacemaking, but it requires that I take the step. If somebody has an offense against me, I take the first step.

And I don't like that. Right. Do you? They need to come to me. And in the church, it happens a lot with this many people. I sometimes offend people. I know it's hard to believe. So I have to take that step.

Hey, if I said the wrong thing, if I did the wrong thing, if I forgot to say hello, if I forgot to include you, you know, I have to take that initiative as a constant thing. But then the load's been lifted.

The offense has been dealt with and it's all been worked out. So you have to fight against what you do, because I know nobody wants to do this. I know this this is one of the top 10 sermons that people do not want to do.

Oh, Shane, tell me about repentance and worship and faith and trusting God and all these things. But don't talk about, you know, peacemaking. That's a hard one. And you know why it's hard, Pride? Can we be honest tonight?

Pride is why we don't initiate peace. And God says, I hate pride. I hate the proud look. Because you take on, it's funny, in this area of peacemaking and conflict, you either take on the nature of Christ or you're playing into the devil's hands.

One or the other. I'm either breathing grace into the situation or I'm adding to the conflict. And the enemy loves that. He is he is the deceiver. He comes in and brings deception and backbites. So the next time you're having huge conflicts, you have to ask yourself, OK, what's coming out of me?

Because when a vessel struck, right, what's inside comes out. And I believe that conflict shows us the true, true condition of our heart. Who we are is not who we are right now. Smiling. Hey, brother, how's it going?

I'm good. Love you. Who we are is going to be when we get home and things aren't going our way. That's who we really are. Then people say, I'm just not myself. Oh, that's who you are. That's who I am.

We just come here and we play. We play. But then we go home. That's who we really are. And I think God wants to help us in this era of peacemaking. Matthew 5 9. I love this verse. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

A .W. Tozer said, whoever defends himself will have himself for defense, but let him come defenseless before the Lord and he will have for his defender no less than God himself. Wow. Thanks, Matt, for sending me that one this week.

Whoever defends himself will have himself for defense. And I think a lot of times we are defending ourselves. I mean, do you have battles at work or with other people? And nobody's going to give. You're trying to defend.

They're trying to defend that. You don't see my side. You don't see my side. And you just go through go through life that way. But when you allow the Lord to defend us, but let him come defenseless before the Lord and he will have for his defender no less than God himself.

And what he means by that is you don't just come defenseless. Part of our defensive defensiveness, if that's even a word, is you give it to God. You're saying, Lord, I have to conduct myself in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I have to do this graciously and I have to do it the right way. And I'm defenseless without you. And let him come in and be your rear guard. Let him fix the situation. And the Bible talks a lot about bearing with one another.

Right. Colossians 313. If you bear with one another and that means. Kind of like put up with, I mean, people do things you don't like. Or is it just me? OK, good. Thank God. Wow. But people do things you don't like.

And it's Paul saying bear with one another. So if we're supposed to model forgiveness, if we're supposed to bear with one another and forgive each other as the Lord has forgiven us, how can we do this unless we've been offended?

So look at offense next time as the way to. Apply scripture to your life. I mean, I think we want to go through a whole life. No, I don't want to get offended. I'm going to try to avoid all this. But no, God says, listen, when you get offended, this is the way to exercise the power of the Holy Spirit in your life.

When you don't like something, bear with one another. When you get offended, forgive one another. So he's telling us how to do it. So the next time you get offended, just remember this, that it's going to happen on this side of heaven.

But how we how we responded is vitally important. I want to clarify this to peacemaking does not involve negotiating the truth. When you make peace, you don't negotiate the truth. Peacemaking involves changing our attitude and actions to match the character of God.

So when I go into a peacemaking situation, you're not there to negotiate the truth, right? A .W. Tozer said God loves the peacemaker, but he abhors the religious negotiator. So when churches get together in this ecumenical movement, let's just all come together and have peace at the expense of truth.

That's not good. So peace never means negotiating the truth. It involves changing our attitude and actions to match the character of God. And what I mean by that, I don't know if I should clarify, but a lot of times churches come together.

You got interfaith movements in a lot of different churches, not just Christian, all a lot of different beliefs coming together for the sake of peace and unity. But truth can't be negotiated with. Truth can't be bargained.

Truth can't be, well, let's, you know, we'll take out the cross of Christ and you can have this. You can't. Why can't all religions come together? Because they're either all wrong or there's one that's right.

You can't negotiate and be a peace. Now, I can treat people with grace and love and forgiveness and I can show the character of God in my life to them, but I cannot be one with them in regard to truth.

If that makes sense. In other words, if you've got all these different religions wanting to get together and have peace and unity, but you've got to compromise the truth, that's not peace and unity. That's compromising the truth.

So always remember that peacemaking is about changing our attitude and actions to match the character of God. And I've noticed that I want to say things a lot, a lot of times that make me feel better, right in the midst of conflict, I want to say something that's going to make me feel better, but it won't make me look better.

Right. We want to get the last word in. We want a little shot here, the right hook, the left hook. You know, we want we want to say things that make me feel better, but it doesn't make me look better in the end.

It's all about demonstrating the character of Christ. And I know this is a hard one, but I make no apologies because I know that we can do it. And I know that that you'll benefit from it. So how can we undo the emotional pain that we experience from conflict?

Forgiveness, Bitterness, and Spiritual Restoration

How? First, understand that it's a spiritual battle. Our mind is where battles are won or lost. Those who do not forgive or release bitterness, anger and hurt never experience freedom, happiness or true restoration.

Did you catch that? Those who do not forgive or release bitterness, anger and hurt never experience freedom, happiness or true restoration. And some people, Shane, you don't know what they did to me. You don't know what they did.

I can never forgive. I can. You don't know. No, I don't know. But you have to remember, forgiveness isn't saying that you were wrong and the other person was right. All forgiveness is you're saying, Lord, I release this.

I can't hold this toxic emotion in anymore. Lord, I release this doesn't mean they're right. It means I'm not going to hold it anymore. I'm going to give it to you, God. Yeah, they caused me tremendous pain.

Yeah, they upset me. I'll never trust them again. That's OK. But you can't hold on to all this unforgiveness, it'll become toxic and aware on you. And I think sometimes we forget that we think forgiveness means I was wrong.

You're right. I forgive you. It's actually the opposite. They wronged you. They wronged you. And you're saying, I'm giving that to God. Let him be the judge. I forgive you. I release you. I don't want to hold that on anymore.

And then the freedom that comes from that, because of God, God's word says it and we don't do it. That's not a good place to be. Anytime God's word says to do something and we don't do it, there are negative ramifications.

Life is difficult. Life is a lot more challenging than it needs to be. It's hard as it is. Why in the world would we want to carry around all these emotions? I've had to forgive people in difficult situations, but I'm so glad I did because now I've been released.

Because that's how you experience true happiness and joy. Ephesians 4, 31, 32 says, let all bitterness. It's interesting. Let all that tells me we can do it. See, as Christians, we can do this. It's not like, oh, the devil made me do it.

Oh, I just can't help myself. Oh, I'm just passionate. No, you're just angry. So we can do this. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. You might say, what are some of those words?

Well, clamor. Do you know what clamor is? Come to our house and all of our kids are acting up. That's clamor. A lot of noise, not productive. Oh, one's crying. One's like clamor. He's saying, listen, some of our lives are like this.

Noisy and loud and unproductive. He says, put all that clamor away and evil speaking and with all malice. Malice is the action of evil. So you're putting away the action of evil and evil speaking, saying, put away all this and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you and be kind to one another, tenderhearted.

That would stop a lot of arguments. And in a nutshell, it's saying this, remove your cutting remarks, negative comments, arguing and destructive words and replace them with gentleness and sensitivity.

Forgive one another quickly and completely as God forgave you. Here's the thing to remember. Conflict will linger as long as we let it. Have you noticed that conflict doesn't just disappear? It just sits there, just waits, just waits.

It'll go a week or a month or a year, just sits there and waits. Thanksgiving might bring it up. I haven't seen some family members in a while. Me and my wife are laughing about this, but the holidays are supposed to be fun and relaxing.

And now it's almost like walking on eggshells. You know, I can't say this to that family member. I can't say this to that. And you're just walking on all this tension, all this stress. A lot of times unresolved conflicts, things that have never been discussed, that should have been discussed, but never have.

Counting the Cost of Conflict

So conflict will linger as long as we let it. So here's a few points I want to get into. Number one, in resolving conflict, you have to count the cost. Actually, this is number one. This is an introduction to the points.

You have to count the costs. Count the cost of conflict. First, ask, can I overlook this? Can I overlook this offense? Proverbs 19 says, good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory. It's his glory to overlook an offense.

Meaning it's to your benefit. If you overlook an offense, it's to your benefit. So the next time somebody upsets you, welcome to my life on a daily basis, right? It's to your glory, it's to your benefit if you overlook it, if it can be.

I'm talking about little things, right? Here's a few examples. Facebook, right? People go on there, they saw my email three days ago and they still haven't responded. Or people get mad at me. Shane, you looked at my email two days ago and you never responded.

Well, yeah, I was going to, I was busy. I didn't know you'd need to respond to an offense. So we're holding these offenses. We just hold these offenses. You know how we get people back? Well, I'm just not going to email them back.

I'm just not going to text them back. They're not going to see my face for a few weeks and we think we're getting them back. No, we're not getting them back. You're hurting yourself. And then pride gets in the way, right?

We get prideful. So I'm just going to chill down. But God says, release these things. These are little, those are so little, so little. The offenses. I just went, I went to visit John Washington this morning.

He's a quadriplegic, I accidentally said paraplegic a few weeks ago. I told Mike I'd fix that. He's a quadriplegic, can't move his arms and legs. And I saw him this morning. I even had to give him a drink of water, you know, talking to him.

And he's got some, he's got more joy than most people I know. And I leave there convicted every time going, God, what is wrong with us? In a hospital bed? For months? We have the audacity to, they took my parking spot.

They didn't say hi. They didn't get back to me. God help us. I mean, this, this is, this is unbelievable how we can allow these little offenses. And that's what the enemy does. He'll use these, remember, the Bible talks about, I think it's Nehemiah, that the small foxes, not Nehemiah, Ecclesiastes, the small foxes ruin the vine.

It's the little things that get in, the little things that destroy your marriage, the little things that destroy your walk with God. It's the little things. And then they get bigger and they get bigger and they get bigger.

So you have to count the cost. Can you overlook it? Can it be overlooked? Because most offenses, the little ones, I tell you right now, should be overlooked. But what do we do? We put it in a special little compartment of our heart, throw the key away.

And we just hold it right there. And I'm going to get them back this way. I'm going to get them back this way. And we just hold these things. And he says, it's to your glory. Just let this go. And Jesus said in Matthew five, come to terms quickly with your accuser while you're going with him to court.

And he paints this picture of two guys walking down Avenue M, right to the courthouse. I'm going to sue you. No, you're not. And he says, listen, don't even go there. You don't know what's going to happen.

Just work it out. Just resolve it right now. Because if not, he'll hand you over to the judge and the judge might hand you over to the guard and the guard will put you in prison. So it's about counting the cost.

And if you look at how many frivolous arguments do we get into for months, whether money or property, we should count the cost. We should never went into that. I just read in the paper somewhere, I wish I would have printed the article.

A guy, he won two hundred fifty thousand on a lawsuit. But by the time he paid his attorneys, he ended up with a thousand dollars. And he said the emotional toll of going to court and all this and I mean, just took.

So we got to count the cost. Is it really worth it? And look ahead, look at what this is going to cost you. Come to come to terms quickly with your adversary. Don't don't. Don't try to fight them. Of course, I'm not talking to some people.

Somebody is going to come say, well, Shane, what about this? What about this? You know, well, of course, there's some things you can take to the Lord. And like Paul said, hey, I'm a Roman citizen. Why are you treating me such way?

You exercise your rights. But a lot of other times we can lay our rights down. You know, it's not worth it. A couple of examples, I think I've given one before, but years ago when I first started in real estate, that's what I did before I planted this church is I was showing my mom wanted a house up in Tehachapi, a little house, and I couldn't make it up there and she called the agent on the sign.

And said, hey, I just want to look in this house. My son's a real estate agent. You know, I don't I'm not going to use you. You know, I'm just I just need to look in this real quick. No, I know. Yeah, no problem.

I'll just open it for you. It's her listing anyway. You know, you think she'd want the business. So never hear from her again until the deal is in escrow. And now she says, I'm coming down with the broker of Keller Williams and we want full commission.

Like, how did this happen? So long story short, they come down, we're in this boardroom and they're going to take it to the realtor board and all. I'm like, oh, gosh, how did this, you know, how this happened.

Right. So I said, well, how can we work this out? What do you want? She goes, well, take five hundred dollars. OK, here you go. Bye. I mean, we're not you can lose the whole thing. You go to, you know, you can be drawn.

Yeah. But Shane, you could have fought for that. You didn't. Yeah. But count the cost. She knew my stance. Count the cost. Was it really worth it to go and maybe lose this and reputation? And and, you know, this guy, you know, I was a recurring cause, she said.

And I was the reason. And look at this guy. And he you know, so you just lay that down. Another example, my wife remember this is we sold her Mazda Tribute car, a little truck, I think. I don't know what they call half the SUV.

And about three days, five thousand dollars, two days later, three days later, maybe I get a phone call and he says, hey, the red the light came on this. Like, OK, I mean, what do you you're in Simi Valley?

I'm here and you bought it. I don't know what you want me to do. It was what I took in a transmission place. It's twenty seven hundred. Dollars, you told me this, I'm taking you to court, you know, pastor sells women vehicle on the paper, you know, so I said, hey, bring it back.

I'll buy I'll give you your money back tomorrow. He said, oh, my gosh, I can't. Well, thanks. You know, give me a handshake. I gave him one of my books. Right. Talking about God a little bit. This why did I say I'm a Christian?

I want to. OK, so the whole situation was turned around. Now, I don't want you to think, oh, Shane, you're so great at this stuff. No, I'm not. Those are just two examples in five years. But this whole point of counting the cost, if you really want to go to court for that long, but and it's always my right.