God's Purpose in Marriage - From the Beginning — Zac Poonen

Praise the Lord. Let's look at the words of Jesus Concerning married life in Matthew chapter 19. You know God's standards for married life were lower Under the Old Covenant. I don't know whether you know that Like everything else God's standard for Israel was much lower Than for the church.

New Covenant Righteousness Exceeds Old Covenant Standards

Jesus said that in the Sermon on the Mount unless your Righteousness is greater Than the righteousness of the Pharisees that's Old Covenant righteousness. You won't even enter God's kingdom so it's one of the things which My observation is 95 of Christians have not understood That the New Covenant is fundamentally different from the Old Covenant and God's standards are much higher.

Three Groups and Three Kinds of Marriage

So in the world, there are people who live under no covenant. You know people who have no respect for God under Old Covenant and New Covenant three groups of people. Those who live under no covenant are those who don't even respect the Ten Commandments.

They commit adultery. They swear under oath. They do all types of wrong things. Worship idols. They take them God's name in vain. They don't honor their parents. That's no covenant. And then there are among there are those who never committed adultery physically, I mean and never they honor their parents and They don't take the Lord's name.

Then there are those who come the New Covenant who Have all these things fulfilled inside their heart Who Have the life of Jesus in their heart so these three groups of people will have three different types of marriages and We should not be satisfied with our marriage being better than those who under no covenant not even Better than not even like those under the Old Covenant.

We must enter into the New Covenant in marriage. So here Jesus points out that difference in Matthew 19. The Pharisees asked him a question saying in verse 3. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

And He said haven't you read that in the beginning? He made them male and female and for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. The two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh what therefore God is joined together.

Let no man separate and then they said why did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her Away, see there was a law like this in Deuteronomy 24 Verses 1 to 4 and it's actually a misunderstanding.

Reading Old Testament Quotations Carefully

You know how people can misquote verses of the Bible and I when I once when I heard numerous people misquoting me in different situations and saying Brother Zach said this, Brother Zach said that, which I never said or they misquoted or took something out of context.

I Asked the Lord what shall I do about this and the Lord said don't worry. They're misquoting me all the time. See, I find that that's what's happening. People misquote the scriptures. I want to ask you Have you all read Matthew at least twice?

How many of you checked with it the Old Testament whether this was a correct statement verse 7. I'm just encouraging you to study the scriptures. Whenever you read an Old Testament quotation of the New Testament.

Check with the Old Testament and you'll see something Interesting. I found that again and again and again and it's so easy. It just takes two minutes. You go to Deuteronomy 24, you know this quotation verse 7.

Why did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce to send her away? Says in Matthew 20. Deuteronomy 24 Verse 1. This is the old covenant law. When a man takes a wife and marries her She finds no favor nighs because the unfound and he writes it now read carefully if you don't read the Bible carefully.

You won't understand it. See what the difference is there is a fundamental difference a very serious difference. When a man takes a wife and marries her it happens. He finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency indecency in her and he writes her a certificate of divorce and Puts it in her hand sends her out of the house.

And she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife. And if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce puts it in her hand Sends her to his house and the latter husband dies.

Then the former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her back again. See this reference is only in verses 1 to 4. It's not found anywhere else in Scripture, really so. What is the difference?

Anybody notice if you read now come to the New Testament Matthew 19. What did they say? Why did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away? Moses never gave any such command.

What are they saying Moses said? Give her a certificate of divorce and send her away. No what Moses said was if You decide to send her away. You must give her a certificate of divorce. You see the difference.

He was not commanding divorce not at all. Read carefully where's 24 Deuteronomy 24 1 if he finds some indecency in her and He writes a certificate of divorce and sends her out. He's not saying if you don't like her send her out.

Then it should read like this. If she doesn't find favor in her eyes and found indeed some indecency then send her out of the house and give her a certificate of divorce. This is a classic example of how millions of millions of Christians read the Bible carelessly.

I believe this is the main reason for defeated Christian lives and miserable Christian homes. When God sees that a man doesn't reads a court document more carefully than God's Word. God says that man deserves to be deceived.

I believe a lot of people in CFC are deceived because I Would say it's in your lifetime. It's better to read one book of the Bible carefully Than to read 66 books in a rush. I Would rather have the Bible go through me once in my life.

Then me go through the Bible a hundred times. We miss so much. I've seen it everywhere. I Said can you read that verse? What do you see? They don't see it and The Bible says blessed is a man who meditates in the law of the Lord.

There are many times when I've read a verse and that's all I read the whole day. The next day I turn to the Bible same verse I start to study the same words like a red light and I never move till the red light becomes green.

Maybe God keeps me in that verse for five days. But the result is that verse goes through me. So I would encourage all of you be very careful in reading Scripture if you really believe this is God's Word.

There's a mighty power in it. And you remember Jesus drove Satan away always just with one sentence from God's Word. So in the Old Testament God permitted. Not commanded. There's a lot of difference between what God commands and what God permits.

That's what I'm trying to emphasize. That many things he permits he permitted Old Testament people to even have many wives. But he never commanded. God's standards have basically always been the same but because they were under the old covenant he Permitted them.

Jesus Returns Marriage to Creation's Original Design

But anyway, Jesus didn't get into a clash with these Pharisees. About you have misquoted that verse because you know those days you didn't have a Bible like all of us have now to say look. At that verse the Bible was in the synagogue.

Nobody had a Bible around it, but What he did say was yes Moses Permitted see the difference in verse 8 Moses permitted. What did they say Moses commanded verse 7? I don't know whether you notice that difference in your reading Matthew.

These are the little little things if you notice it'll radically change your Christian life. If you believe that every word is inspired by God notice the difference they say Moses commanded. No, he said Moses permitted and Consider this as an example of how you could have possibly missed a thousand things in the Bible.

Even though you read the Bible for 20 30 years. What a lot it's like treasures you've missed missed missed missed missed missed missed missed missed because carelessness and When we are careless towards God's Word.

We can be very careless in relation to many other areas of life, especially in our married life. So here it says Moses permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it has not been in this way I say to you and so on so whenever Jesus spoke he said go back to the beginning if you want to understand what God's plan was.

So if you want to understand Marriage go back to the beginning and what is the reason why Moses permitted it verse 8? That's also verse 8 is a very important verse for two phrases hardness of heart and From the beginning two very very important phrases in relation to marriage.

If you have a hard heart towards your husband or your wife or your children. You're under the old covenant without a shadow of doubt. I mean you don't have to ask a second question so That's number one in the new covenant God takes away.

We can't soften our heart. That's one other thing. We need to recognize God has to give us a soft heart and that's The meaning of being born again and being filled with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit does it does the work of softening?

Our hearts. And where people are hard. You know what they need is not a lot of instruction and marriage counseling. What they need is first of all to be truly born again and you're not truly born again unless you are broken and repentant for your past life and your sins and The next thing they need is to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

The New Covenant Promise of a New Heart

And you can remain filled with the Holy Spirit if you remain broken and honest All the time. It's all it's not a Great requirement. I want to show you the promise in the Old Testament how God takes away the hard heart and makes it a soft one.

Which is not possible in Old Testament times. Ezekiel 36 and verse 25 to 27 there's just three verses. But these are three of the most amazing verses in the New Testament in the Old Testament. Concerning the new covenant and you can say almost the whole new covenant is in these three verses.

Just three verses of prophecy in Ezekiel, which describes the new covenant. Ezekiel 36 verse 25. Now I would sprinkle he's using symbolic language. Remember I Will sprinkle clean water and you you be clean and we know that that is the blood of Christ today.

That is not just sprinkled. It's we have cleansed. I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and All your idols. We've all worshipped idols of money sex selfishness pleasure. Comfort is so many things and the Lord says I'll cleanse you and cleanse us from what we confess.

If you think that what you did in some situation was right. Then it's not an idol in your life. You'll never be cleansed from it. But if you acknowledge that what you did in a particular situation was wrong.

Is that was a form of idolatry or worship of self. But God a lot of cleansing from it very often in our married life. We don't acknowledge that something we did was because we worshipped our ourselves as an idol.

You have often heard me say that I never knew how selfish I was till I got married. I thought it was very Unselfish type of person concerned for others. We all were like that, but it's a question of recognizing.

When we get married in different situations that crop up. This problem has cropped up because I have an idol in my heart and that idol is myself. Myself and that idol has been scratched by my wife or my husband.

Scratched hurt. Injured. That wouldn't have happened if there was no idol. If that place was empty. If Christ was there wouldn't it happen. It's far too much of the worship of self. It could be the worship of money.

It could be the worship of comfort, pleasure. My own ease. If my partner doesn't Worship this idol I have set up in my heart. Consider whether that could be the cause of a lot of problems. You see an idol though.

It doesn't speak. What do we mean by an idol? An idol is something which is worshipped and all human beings worship the idol of self. More than any other idol. More than even money. They worship self.

Money would be a close second. But self is number one. The Lord says I'll cleanse you from your idols. We got to ask the Lord to do that because you can't get rid of it yourself. First of all, we don't even have light on this idol.

I'd say most people outside the church even many born-again Christians don't recognize their worshiping idols. And then he says I'll give you a new heart. And put a new spirit within you. I'll remove this hard heart of stone again it is I will you see this is why I say this is a Thing of the new covenant and the old covenant is symbolized by the word thou shalt or you shall.

You shall. You shall not the Ten Commandments, you know. Ten commandments full of you shall you shall you shall not you shall not you shall not. But the new covenant the Lord says I will I will I will you see that in Hebrews 8 verse 10 to 12 I will write my laws, you know, put them in your mind in your heart.

I hear the same thing. I will Sprinkle clean water on you and I will cleanse you. Verse 25. I will give you a new heart and I will remove the heart of stone. I will give you a heart of flesh. That's the soft heart Jesus was speaking about and then I will put my Holy Spirit within you.

This is again new covenant. The old covenant the Holy Spirit is with people new companies within and I will cause you. This is the best part of it. Not you should walk in my statutes. Not you must walk in my statutes.

Not it's good for you to walk in my statutes. I will cause you To walk in my statutes. You know, that's the picture I get is of a father hold. The father was a brilliant artist holding the hand of his little three-year-old child and says son yield to me completely and the Son says sure and he allows the father to draw the most beautiful painting.

I'm saying a three-year-old did that. Right the three-year-old held the pen in his own hand and did that beautiful painting you see unbelievable. Yes. Because he yielded to his father. That is I will cause you.

And you say you mean you come to such a glorious marriage in three years. How did you manage that? It's like asking did the three-year-old do that painting? He says I haven't seen 40 year olds paint something like that because He yielded To the master.

I will cause you imagine if this can happen in your married life. That the Lord causes you. He doesn't that doesn't mean he takes away your free will. He never does that. Only demons possess people and take away their free will.

What does God do. He causes us. That means he urges us and as we there's a little prompting in our will he Moves forward. I mean the proportion is something like God's part is so much compared to our small part.

Repentance, Rest, and Dependence on God

I get the picture of the prodigal son. Limping back slowly skinny man can hardly walk. Slowly slowly walking towards the house and the father running. See the proportion of speed there. Between the speed of the prodigal son walking towards his home and the father running towards the prodigal son.

That's about the proportion of our part and God's part. It's very little. But if we don't do our part like the prodigal son, he just sits at home. I mean sits with the pigs and God does zero. He waits for a little repentance.

Repentance means a little turning around saying I want to go back to my father's house. Or a little turning around saying I'm fed up of this old covenant pigs. Old covenant is a pig's life is eating what the pigs are eating.

I want to go to this new covenant home. I'm sick and tired of this old covenant family relationship and life with my wife or husband. I want to move on. The feasting there is my father's home. I want my home to be like my father's home.

Now I tell you a lot of Christian marriages. The only way I can compare it is the prodigal son with the pigs. Eating what the pigs are eating. Behaving like the pigs towards each other. Spiritually filthy even though the house may all be posh and nice.

Spiritually, it's like a pig's sty. And If they are content there as long as the prodigal son is content to be with the pigs, okay fine the father doesn't go. If the father knows he's welcome to come but he doesn't go and drag him out from there.

If you're happy to be in that pig's family life stay. Thank God a day came and the prodigal son said I'm sick and tired of this Family life like a pig sty and that's flying it to us. I want to make my home like my father's home.

In other words like heaven and It's possible it's one of the wonderful messages of the gospel is That we can have two heavens one on earth and one geographically finally when the Lord comes so Don't be satisfied with less.

Like I've often said if your dad was a billionaire and left you a huge inheritance with many posh houses. Don't let some cheating lawyer cheat you of that and make you live in a little small little hut.

That's exactly what the devil has done so many spiritually speaking so I will cause you to walk in my statutes and again, notice not you should be careful to observe my commandments or. You know, it's important that you should know you will.

I I Tell you these are the most encouraging verses. You know, you get discouraged just go to a seek of 36 verse 25 to 27 and say Lord. I just you do it. Do it in me holiness by faith in Jesus. Not by effort of our own.

This is the rest. Yeah, he who believes has entered into this rest. Because he has seized from his own words it says in Hebrews 4 that means he stopped trying to think that he can manage it. He's come like to the end of his resources like the disciples who toiled all night to catch fish and caught nothing.

Have you come to the end of yourself? Realizing Lord, I just don't have a happy married life on my own. I toiled For a long time the sooner you say how long do you have to toil? Well that depends on When you realize you can't make it.

As long as you're still trying to make it. Well, probably you're gonna try some more years. Some people realize it within one year some people in 30 years. So there's no time limit. It depends on. How quickly we are honest?

About our failure to God. And how quickly we are willing to humble ourselves and say Lord I can't make it. I've been trying for years to have a really happy married life. I just don't seem to be able to make it.

I toiled all night and I catch nothing and when we catch nothing if we were worldly people. It wouldn't matter because we don't have to pretend worldly people just say do you fight to quarrel? Yeah, we do that all the time.

And then we don't get fed up. We divorce and marry somebody else. But when you're a born-again Christian, you know, you're not supposed to do all that. So you have to put up a front. Before people you have to put a mask of you know, very happy married couple and thus You start on the pathway of hypocrisy.

And it just becomes more and more and more and more till you say Lord I'm sick and tired of this hypocritical life. What's the use of pretending? We can even put a mask Towards each other gradually as husband and wife first we put a mask before other people.

Because we have to show other people in the church that everything's wonderful in a married life. Everything's okay. When it isn't at all, I'm not saying we should confess our sins to others, but we're so desires to create a good impression.

That gradually we become dishonest and The danger comes when finally we put a mask towards each other. We're not willing to be open. So Jesus said from the beginning. So let's go back to the beginning and see how it was then from the beginning.

Transparency and Honesty in Marriage

It says here. When God created man and woman I've come to a number of things but one of the things is verse 25 of Genesis 2. Genesis 2 25 the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Now, you know, that's true physically in married life that Physically we're naked when we have a relationship physical relationship.

We're not ashamed. Otherwise you'd never have children. But more than that spiritually to be open not cover Yourself with fig leaves towards each other. You see that's the significance. You don't have to wear clothes.

It was just you and your husband in the room. We wear clothes when there are others around. Even children. Why did Adam and Eve Try to cover themselves you wouldn't Be feel awkward if the cat was walking around and you were Undressing.

Why was Adam and Eve disturbed? Were they afraid of the animals watching them? No. Something. Subconsciously they felt I'm gonna cover myself. Adam thought I must cover myself from Eve. Because there may be parts of me that she doesn't like.

And Eve says I've got to cover myself from Adam because there may be parts of me that he doesn't like. All this happened as soon as sin came into the world this covering up from one another this lack of Transparency and honesty.

See I'm not talking about. Being honest with our partners about all the things we did in our past life I think is a bit unwise and I don't recommend that to anyone I'm talking about after we get married Adam and Eve were.

There was no need to pretend to be spiritual when you're not. Sometimes that can put a burden on the other person. If you're a little more honest about your struggles with your partner, you know, actually that will encourage your partner.

Because She's having struggles and she thinks you don't have any. That's what discourages her. Well, I'm the only one struggling. My husband's perfect. He isn't perfect. Sometimes parents can give that impression to children That we are perfect we think that's the way to bless our children.

No, I Have never in my life wanted any of my children to not think That I'm perfect that they had a perfect father because they didn't. I only wanted them to know they have an honest father. Who when he does something wrong says that was wrong.

I'm sorry. You might mistake. That will help them to live a normal Christian life when they grow up those children to be honest. And thus press on to perfection. Instead of being discouraged. Thinking oh, my dad was perfect.

I can never match him. Don't fool your children when you know, you're not. Don't fool your wife or your husband so there's no need for pretense. I mean I'm not saying that we should honestly Tell your partner Everything there may be certain things.

It's not wise To tell your partner even after your marriage. I don't mean in your marriage relationship. I mean there are things which you have to be wise. God's given us common sense. I remember when I was in the Navy I had access to secret communication codes and all that Because I was a naval officer.

Now if I were married then I certainly wouldn't share that with my wife completely out of the question. That's not lack of transparency. It's not proper to Share certain things and also another example would be If there are some certain pressures that you're facing at work.

You have to be careful as to whether you Share that all with your wife and increase her burden. Unnecessarily Burdened her with things that She shouldn't be burdened about because she's already got enough burdens at home.

These are little things that we must be careful about. So keep that principle in mind. The man and his wife were naked and were not ashamed. That I want to be open and transparent. You know within the limits that I just mentioned about certain things which I always say the ultimate purpose of Honesty and frankness with your partner is not to Clear your conscience.

So I've been honest you can do it like that. You know like people do evangelism to clear their conscience father give this fellow a track. Otherwise his blood will be on my hands. Can you imagine Jesus going around preaching like that?

Oh, I better preach to this fellow. So his blood is not on my hands. It's evil to do evangelism like that. A lot of people do. I must not Burden another person to relieve my conscience. Carry your own burden brother.

Don't relieve your conscience and put the burden on somebody else. I think a lot of husbands are very foolish in putting burdens on their wives. They should never put on them. There are certain things a wife can handle in heaven, but she cannot handle on this earth.

She's a weaker vessel. Don't forget that that's like you wouldn't Make her carry a heavy suitcase when you're traveling you'd carry the heavy one, but she can't the same way burdens on the mind are like that one should be careful that one doesn't burden one's partner with Burdens they're not meant to carry so.

Within the bounds of what I said, I believe there's a great need for transparency with one another so Going back to what Jesus said about from the beginning. It says here that in the in verse chapter 1 verse 26 from the beginning let us make man in our image verse 26 of Genesis 1 and Let them rule.

Now that's not good grammar, right? Let us make man and let them. Have you noticed these little things in Scripture? You won't notice it if you're trying to read one chapter a day. You'll notice it if you read Scripture slowly carefully and without any desire to Get into the Guinness Book of Records or so how many times you read through the Bible in your life.

Unity as God's Original Purpose for Husband and Wife

Let us make man and let them. He God never thinks of man alone. It's always man woman then and what that means I'll show you one more verse of that Genesis. I don't know that you noticed it. Genesis 5 verse 2 He created them male and female and He blessed them and he named them in the margin.

It says Adam. Hey, I thought he named the matter when he no, no, he named the matter. Who gave Eve her name? You know Adam yes, Adam. She should be called Woman, anyway, my point is it says your God Named them Adam.

That's why a woman changes her name when she gets married. To take her husband's name. God called both of them together Adam or mr. And mrs. Adam. I mean her name was Eve, but Let's now turn to Genesis 1 26 again God said let us make man in our image according to our likeness and Let them rule that's the next thing I want you to see That as soon as he was thinking this is still will be created in between verse 27 and 26 before he creates them.

He says here I go I'm gonna make something new now something never been made in the history of the universe. Even the angels are not like this. I'm gonna make something in my image in our image. There itself you see the Trinity in our image in our likeness and Just like Three we three are one Father son and Holy Spirit.

I'm gonna make something special. I'm gonna make them now. No two angels are one. Let me tell you this no two angels can ever be one father son and Holy Spirit are one and Next to that in this universe God wanted another species that will become one Man and woman, that's why he says he named them Adam.

He says let us make man and let them is just like our our image the plural that plural unity. That's been God's desire from the beginning and let me tell you dear brothers and sisters If you don't have that unity Whatever else you may have on this earth.

Plenty of money plenty of comfort plenty of children. Everything name it good church. You have not accomplished God's original purpose because God's original purpose is they should be one and When they are one, they'll be able to rule that means God created man and woman to be king and queen and To rule together.

But everything under their feet rule over over over. Over you see the number of times that word over comes in verse 26. Just count it. What's it? One, two, three, four five times over over over over. One of the blessings again of reading the Bible slowly Slowly Over over.

I'm supposed to be over everything, you know people who say how are you? Well under the circumstances, I'm okay I said you should never be under the circumstances. You should be always over the circumstances.

What do you mean under the circumstances? You're okay. Say over the circumstances. I'm okay I'm supposed to rule over over over over over everything. That's God's will. It is God's will for every single one of us and then you go back to what we read in Ezekiel 36.

You remember the verses 25 to 27. I will cause you say Lord. How in the world am I going to be over all the circumstances? How in the world I'm gonna have everything under my feet. I Will cause you to do it see Ephesians chapter 1 how it's fulfilled in through the new covenant.

Ephesians chapter 1. It says that I want the eyes of your heart to be enlightened to see. What is the tremendous? Power, you know, he's speaking about the eyes of your heart verse 18 Ephesians 1 18 and that God will give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation verse 17 so that you can see and Know and you must know what you what do you need to know?

Verse 19 the tremendous power That is available to us. Through verse 20 the resurrection of Christ the resurrection of Christ lifted Christ and put him over over over over over over over over everything and Thus and given him to be the head over the body.

That's us and put all things under Our feet. You see that everything under our feet because under his feet which says. And verse 22, but under his feet, but then it goes on to say that his body. Verse 22 and 23 is the church.

So the feet are in the body, you know that he is the head where the body and then the feet. So how many of you notice that before when you read that? That everything under his feet means me everything under my feet, too.

This is how my brothers and sisters your family life should be. It's God's will for you believe that. See if you don't understand what God's will for us is from the beginning. We're not going to come there by any type of principles of happy married life or Any such thing.

I mean there are enough marriage counselors and books on happy marriages. That I mean written thousands of them mostly by a lot of American writers who want to make money. It's one of the best subjects on which to make money.

But this is not to make money. This is to show you how to get a little dog. It's my faith and what God's purpose for me is. And God wants me to rule and that's what Peter refers to in 1 Peter chapter 3 same thing 1 Peter 3 and verse 7.

Mutual Honor and the Grace of Life

Husbands, you know, the responsibility is put on husbands. First of all 1 Peter 3 verse 7. You must understand this he says. You must understand what? You must understand what does it mean for husbands to live in an understanding way with their wives.

It means you must understand she is a weaker vessel. Why does she cry so easily? It's not because you're more spiritual. But you don't cry because you're a man. It's like asking why didn't you have hair on her face?

Thank God. She doesn't have hair on her face. Because she's a woman. Is that stupid to ask certain questions like that? Hey, I've got hair on my face. Why don't you have hair on your face? Is that stupid to say I'm not crying.

Why are you crying? It's crazy some of the questions husbands ask. Hey, I'm not bothered by that. Why are you? Exactly like asking I've got hair on my face. Why don't you have it? Crazy. Husbands be understanding that your wife is a weaker vessel.

There are certain things That disturb her so she has hormonal changes. Even doctors know that that man never has. She has a tendency therefore towards getting easily discouraged and depressed and getting into moods which you never have.

That's got nothing to do with your spirituality. It's got to do with the fact that you're a man and she's a woman. Period full stop. Nothing else. Husbands understand that. It's a wonderful thing if you can understand that early in married life.