The Discipline of Disability - 19 — Jack Hibbs

You guys, we'll be praying for you tomorrow. Absolutely. Are you guys awake? Good deal. Grab your Bibles tonight and turn to two places as usual, Matthew chapter 28 and Philippians chapter 1. You can probably tell my normally bizarre voice is bizarre tonight.

I'm fighting something but I sound worse than what I feel I think. I certainly look worse than what I feel. But, um, listen, somebody said, man, you didn't shave. Can you see that from where you're at?

Can you really? Let's just make something real clear right here, right now. I don't tell you what to do with your face. This is my face. And this is my Lisa says it's fine. It's my act of rebellion. It's as far as I go.

So, um, it'd be off by Sunday. So you don't have to worry about it. Okay. Those of you are like all concerned about it. It's okay. I'm not going to call you up tomorrow morning and look at your face and see how you're doing.

Jesus' Commission and Paul's Imprisonment

So, well, listen, Matthew chapter 28 beginning to verse 18 tonight. And it's those amazing words that Jesus said, and they are the foundation of this series of the disciplines of life series. And tonight the discipline of disability.

And we're not necessarily talking about a physical disability that we may touch on that for a moment, but Matthew chapter 28, verse 18, Jesus came and he spoke to his disciples and he said to them, all authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth.

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the father of the son and of the Holy spirit verse 20, teaching them to observe all things that is Bible teaching. What is it that I've commanded you?

And behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the world. Now quickly turn to the right to Philippians chapter one, verses 12 to 14. Tonight's Philippians one versus 12 to 14. Paul said to the church of Philippi, but I want you to know brethren that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel so that it has become evident to the whole palace guard and all the rest that my chains, Paul was in jail, are in Christ.

And most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains are much more bold to speak the word without fear. We're talking about the discipline of disability tonight. Now, when we see that word, we often think that it's a limp or it's a, an ailment that we're going through.

It is a deformity. It's something external and it may very well be in Paul's case. It was much more than that. Yes, he was chained to a Roman guard, but the man was absolutely free on the inside. But we know from church history that Paul battled a lot of severe health issues.

We know that church history makes mention and extra biblical writings that came later, that Paul was a man that was, uh, had been stricken with malaria. He was a man that didn't appear to be, uh, very physically fit.

And that kind of goes with the territory. He was a Pharisee. Uh, that is that he would have been a full-time student. Most of his life, he spent a lot of time by candlelight and books. He was a nerd.

We would say today and for him to, uh, come and preach and teach when he showed up, people didn't easily recognize him. He was not some big prominent figure. He easily blended into a crowd, but Paul was also a man that was keenly aware of the demonic activity that he fought against.

He was a man that loved God and loved God's people. We know that he was very passionate about what he believed. We know that in the book of acts, for example, chapter nine, before he was a Christian, he was one who presided over Christians being arrested and killed for their faith.

Paul would be today kind of like, I don't know. And Osama bin Laden getting converted, something like that. Something so profound because you know, from the Bible that when Paul did get converted to Christianity, none of the Christians wanted to talk to him.

They wouldn't let him in their churches. Remember that he has, he actually wound up, you read the book of Galatians and the book of acts, he wound up actually staying or having been barred from churches from what appears to be years.

And in the book of Galatians chapter one, it tells us that Paul was in the wilderness of Arabia being instructed in the spirit by God himself. No wonder why he's a apostle of such profound teaching. But tonight we'll be looking at disabilities and how they come to us, how we deal with them.

There's obvious forms. There's not so obvious forms. Some of them maybe for pride's sake, we would hide them. We would seek to do anything and everything possible to make sure nobody knows what our problem is in life, what our disability is in life.

And some of them are just flat out out there and they're in your face, we would say. So number one in our study tonight, look at this, jot it down if you would. And by all means, make this applicable to your own heart, is that disabilities are anything but common to us.

And let me explain what I mean by that. Disabilities are anything but common to us. You say, what do you say that? Because you and I, all of us have disabilities. And we think for a moment that what is going on in our lives is something that is so uniquely us.

And with that, there's a stigma. But disabilities are anything but common in the sense that when it's your issue, it is paramount. You can look at someone else and you can see, oh, isn't that sad? Or, oh, you know, look at that.

I wonder how they get by. But in reality, is not your situation very, very painful itself, very keen. And honestly, I've lived a little bit long enough to realize that I don't think there's anyone that's exempt from having some form of disability, be it physical and or emotional or mental or maybe spiritual.

Legalism, Grace, and the Experience of Weakness

I was talking to a friend last night. And when I came to know Jesus Christ, it was so wonderful for me. The first year of being a Christian was awesome. And then I started reading some really legalistic books.

I got into some really heavy legalistic books. And when I say legalistic, Pastor Roman at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa years ago, he said, listen, Jack, you need to put those books down and and pick them up again in about 20 years when you're rooted and grounded in the grace of God, because these books are not normal.

These books are for for different kinds of people. Well, these kinds of books that I was reading were from great theologians, but they said things like this. If you are not praying four hours a day, you are probably not a Christian.

So I spent three years getting up at four o 'clock in the morning and praying to seven to eight o 'clock in the morning. Then I coerced a couple of friends to do that with me for a manner of years. And it's bizarre.

All three of them now are pastors, pastoring churches. But I tell you what, we were the four horsemen of the apocalypse back in those days of legalism. And we looked like super saints on the outside. But let me tell you, on the inside, we were withering away.

We knew Jesus, we were saved, but we didn't know his peace. And there's a big difference. Whatever the situation is in your life, mark this down experience. We learned this in verse 12. There's something to be said.

And that's regarding the experience of a disability and walking with God, Paul says to the church, but I want you to know brethren. He's talking to fellow Christians. And this is a mandate. The word no right here is the Greek word.

It means this. I have this announcement or we've heard the old English term resolved. Patrick Henry was big on that resolved. We make these declarations resolved. It means I'm making a statement and it's a big one.

That's exactly the word that Paul used here resolved. No, this I'm making an announcement. It means to make someone completely aware of what you're about to say. This is a tremendous thought. He says, I want you to absolutely not miss my fellow Christian brothers and sisters that I've got something to say.

He's talking about an experience. He says, I'm going to share with you from prison and experience that will affect you for the rest of your life. And so everybody would have perked up. They would have listened carefully to this.

That's a testimony, my friend, that's a witness in your witnesses. A Christian tonight is a very powerful thing. A testimony. We don't hear so much about testimonies. Now I know that some churches, they might get away from teaching the Bible and everybody's got a testimony.

And then maybe like our church, we wind up having trying to cram so much Bible into such a search period of time. We don't get there any testimonies. But if you have a friend or a friendship with people or in a small group setting, you ought to share your testimony.

You say, Jack, what are you talking about? Your testimony is your story as to how you met Jesus Christ. And if you don't have a testimony, I want to ask you, why not? All of our testimonies are different.

My wife grew up in a Christian home. She cannot tell you the day that she accepted Christ. I mean, she knows that there's a day that she prayed to accept the Lord, but she's always believed in him. So she can't nail that day down.

Maybe some of you are like that. You just don't know the day that you came to believe you've always believed. My wife has that testimony. She says, I've never lived not knowing Jesus. Well, I lived not knowing Jesus.

And between the two of us, we have two different testimonies, but both are valid. Both are equal. Now I know the culture we live in. In fact, this is wrong. Oh man, have you heard that guy's testimony?

It's awesome. Well, why? Oh man, he was, he was a murder and, and he like bit cats and have, and he, he, you know, outran cars and he jumped over. He, what? And then when, you know, people hear stuff like that and probably who knows, most of those kinds of testimonies may not even be true.

I don't know how to prove that. And then you see someone, are you someone sitting in the church and they're going, man, I'm a loser. I don't have some wicked, horrible story. You know what I'm talking about?

You know, if that's you tonight and you're saying, well, my life wasn't, you know, I mean, I mean, I came to Jesus, but it wasn't all that, you know, humongously wicked. I mean, I didn't like, you know, rob any banks or anything.

And you start to feel like you're some sort of a sub Christian. Well, Jesus kind of saved me because I wasn't all that bad like that guy. Listen, your testimony is amazing. Your testimony, if you tonight can say, gosh, you know what?

The Lord pretty much kept me out of a lot of trouble and I've been a Christian and here I am. You are an amazing testimony, which is pretty rare. And that is the testimony of the keeping power of God in your life.

That's a big deal. Anybody can say what God has delivered them from. It's pretty common actually. But the truth of the matter is if tonight you can say, well, you know what? The Lord has just done this thing in my life.

And this is my experience. Paul is saying to the church at Philippi, this is my experience. It's your life's experience that you would say tonight. You know what it is? And it has been a disability, Jack, my life.

That's not what God says. It's anything but common. And this is very important because in your experience, you have the literal calling from God to take your life's story. And some of you are young in here tonight and your story is being built right now and God will use you.

You say, well, what would I do? Go look for trouble so I can have some big, no trouble. We'll come and find you, but be strong. Have that testimony in Luke chapter 21, verse 12, Jesus said, but before all these things, they will lay their hands on you and persecute you and deliver you from synagogue and prisons.

And you will be brought before Kings and rulers for my namesake, but it will turn out for you as an occasion for testimony to give a witness for Jesus, your life's experience, the hardships, the difficulties, the joys.

There is nothing common in your life as a Christian. Absolutely. As a non-Christian. Absolutely. God is at work in your life. Secondly, under this point, there's something to be learned and that is the situation.

Look at verse 12. He says that the things which happened to me, this is a tremendous statement. He's talking about challenges and urgencies that have come upon his life. This is the apostle Paul and he's in jail.

The guy is in a place where nobody wants to be. And he's in a first century jail. It's not like, you know, jails today or jails in California. This is horrible stuff. And he's in jail. And you know what he's in jail for?

He's been found guilty of being a Christian convicted of being a witness for Jesus Christ. How cool is that? Man, what are you in here for? Can you imagine? He's Paul. He's just this little nerd of a guy student.

All these big burly Roman empire strikes back gladiator of Jedis. What are you in here for? Preaching the gospel. Preaching the what? Can you imagine? He says, these things, they've happened to me. And it almost like, oh, Paul, golly, somebody send us some chocolates.

This is horrible. Look what happened to him. Can you believe it? No policy. And wait a minute, where you guys need to know something. These things that have happened to me, he's talking about his situation.

Every one of us have got a situation right now, do we not? Man, if you don't have a situation, what are you doing? Or what are you not doing to not have a situation? And whatever your situation is, the Lord wants to be right in the middle of it.

And if you just say, Lord, yes, I want you in the middle of it. Oh, he loves that stuff. He comes in, starts moving things around. He starts doing things. And Paul announces that his thing had not just happened to him.

He said, oh, pastor, life's been so difficult to me and it's been such a hard thing. And I just feel so defeated. I feel so down. I feel so long. What book are you reading? He's with you. He's working and Paul's he's chained to these incredible centurion guards.

And we know that from the book of Ephesians, he begins to state the armament of what it takes to be a believer because he saw what it took and what the Roman empire wanted out of a soldier. And Paul is saying, you know what, in your situation, here's the deal.

And he can say it with power. He's coming up to us right now. And he's speaking to us from the word of God. The Holy Spirit is using his words. And he's saying, I'm in jail. I know what it's like. And here's the deal.

This just didn't happen to me. This has been a plan of God. God's at work in my life. You can't stop somebody like this. In Philippians four 11, the Bible says for, I have learned in whatever state that I'm in to be content.

You can insert California right there for whatever I've learned. He says, I've learned this, that I can be content in whatever situation, whatever condition, whatever's going on in my life. And what is happening in your life?

What's going on right now? Is it pressure from within? Is it pressure from without? Is it evil? Is it danger? Is it threats? Are you being misrepresented? Is it a financial thing? What, what is it? He's there.

He's with you. Is it a relationship thing? Not knowing who likes you, who loves you? Does anybody he's there? He's in the moment tonight. I just pray, man, if you're not a Christian tonight, in fact, right before I came tonight is putting on my, putting on my clothes, getting ready to come.

And I was watching the news and there was a commercial. There's a commercial out there and it's the humanist. Have you seen it? Yeah. It's the human join the humanist movement or whatever it is, the humanist, the humanist atheist of America, whatever.

And they have a commercial and you can join and I'm watching it. And they, and by the way, they just don't say join, they make fun of the Bible and they're quoting the Bible out of context and their commercial.

You know what they're doing by the way, if they, Hey, if there's anybody watching from the humanist atheist movement, you guys are the most jumbo cowards in the world. Here's the reason why you wimp. Here's the deal.

No, here's the deal. You pick on Christians because you know, they love Jesus. And if they ever met you on the street, they would buy you a Coke. Why don't you do it? The Islam make fun of Muhammad. See how that goes.

You atheist hypocrite, right? Think of that. Yeah. We're the atheist of America and Muhammad is this, or Islam is that they'll never do that. They'll pick on the Christian because they know that your God's real and we worship him.

And our God says, love boneheads like that. It just cracks me up. Everybody wants to pick on the Christian. They think we're weak, man. Listen, we're trying to love you because in a moment of weakness, we'd love to lay hands on you, but we're walking with Jesus right now.

I mean, think about that. Think about it, man. If Jesus wasn't real, think about how many murders there'd be in the world. You know what I mean? You know, exactly. I'm hearing a lot of amens out there.

I can feel it. They can get away with making fun of Christians. Our situation transcends this world. A lot of bad stuff happening. A lot of best up. Listen, it could be worse. And what if it gets worse?

So what it gets worse. We're going to retire someday. Okay. And wall street won't have a thing to do with it. It'd be golden street with God retirement with Jesus. This world's not our home and it's a good thing.

There's something to be learned in this situation that you're living through right now. The Lord loves you. Maybe somebody's telling you they love you. If you love me, you'll do this. If you love me, that or the other, Jesus says this, I love you.

And the whole thing is the Bible says it's the goodness of God that leads a man to repentance. Isn't that amazing? You might be sitting here tonight saying, I don't need God. My life's been so good. I'm doing great without God.

You funny guy. The Bible says it's the goodness of God that's leading you to repentance. You look around at your empire and you go, wow, that's been good to me. You say, well, what if somebody doesn't come to Christ by goodness?

Well, he has other means. He's got a lot of tools in his toolbox. Many a time seems like it's happening more and more. A woman will say, pastor, will you pray for me? Cause my husband has left the home.

And I always feel a deep sense of satisfaction coming from them when, when I pray for them, because this is how I pray. So I'll say, where's your husband? I don't know. He left some lady and he's, I don't know.

So I said, well, let's pray. What's his name? Billy Bob. Okay. Let's pray for Billy Bob. If your name is Billy Bob, you're in trouble. Here you go. And I'll pray with her and I'll say, Lord, wherever Billy Bob is right now in his waywardness from you and his waywardness from his family, I'm asking you father right now, in Jesus name, that you would do whatever severe mercy is needed.

You said, what is that? What is that severe mercy? That means Lord, I'm asking you father to use whatever leverage you'd like. You need to, to get that guy to bow his knee. So what does that mean? I have no idea.

I don't need to know. Well, are you asking God like to break his leg? Could be, it could be, it could be, you know, broken nose. Could be a thought. I'm going, no, I'm going back home. I just, Lord, get him.

And then we've heard, well, you know, he's run off with his, he ran off with his secretary. Then we pray, Lord, the next time they even try to get together and I'm not joking. I'm telling you right now, Lord, just cause him to throw up violently.

Just get sicker than a dog. I'm dead serious about that. She Jack, you don't mean it. I do. And that's biblical prayer, by the way. David prayed prayers like that. David, David said, Lord, save my enemies.

If you're not going to save him, break their teeth off in their mouth. David prayed prayer like that. Okay. Next purpose. Disabilities are anything but common. You guys in our lives, because God is so in them.

They're not something routine. They happen a lot, but you know what? We start thinking, well, man, it's just, this happens to everybody. This is life, but you're just not anybody. God is God and he's working in your life, which leads us to this was a purpose.

God's Timing and the Purpose of Disability

There's something to be known in the purpose of what God is doing in our lives. God has a timetable and his timetable drives me crazy. I'll prove it to you. Second Peter three, eight says, beloved, do not forget this one thing that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as one day.

What does that mean? It means he lives in eternity. That's all it means. Does that mean you count and then you can figure out how many days in the thousand years, and then it's going to be one. No, it means he is eternal.

He's not, look, God's not going like this. We should hurry up down there. There's no time where he lives. How freaky is that? You know, we've been, we've kind of had little hints of that stuff in life.

Have you ever had that deja vu thing? They call it, I don't know why they call that, but have you ever had that happening in your head? And, you know, doctors will tell you that they don't quite understand it, but they think it's like a mini stroke.

They've talked about many strokes. They've talked about other things as to why this happens. They don't know why it happens, but it's like, Hey, this was freaky. We're at a red car is going to go down the street in about three seconds.

There it goes. You know, I'm talking about, you ever been in a really bad accident, anybody car accident. I have, have you noticed what, what happens at the time when you're in a car accident? Listen to this.

Did you hear that? It's wild. We got broadsided on PCH and beach Boulevard. Boom. Some guy stoned on marijuana, had three pounds of marijuana in the car, stolen car, blows the intersection and T bones us in the intersection.

Here's the freaky thing. We're going across and we see the guy coming and he is flying. And we're like, man, you know, okay, it's going to be a great day, man. Look at the beach. It's awesome. You know what I'm talking about?

And the car's coming and it feels like an eternity and the car hits in the glass and everything's flying. It seems like it takes forever. Does anybody remember when that's taking place? How fast your brain is processing everything super fast.

I think that's God's mercy. I think in an accident like that, you could have easily accepted Jesus Christ seriously in nanoseconds of time. I think that's a flirtation with eternity. I really do. The purpose.

There's something to be known about that. God is the governor of time and he may not be answering and coming to the rescue the way that you want him to in your disability. God just fixes in my life. Why is Jeff going to have brain surgery tomorrow?

We will find out later as to why God does these things. He uses these things in a broken world. 400 plus years. Israel was enslaved in Egypt for having disobeyed God 400 years, 400 years. God wasn't waiting.

I don't understand how he does that. And you don't either, but there's one thing. It's always, it's always now with God. He's never late. He's never early. He's always on it. Well, why doesn't he do this?

You know, when we say that those are, we say things like that because we're upset. We say things like that because we're upset with the timing of it. We get tired quickly. We get frustrated quickly. Why can't he doesn't do something about this?

He's got a plan where we trust him with what he's doing. Well, I want a man and then you get a man and then you don't want the man. Well, if I just had a woman in my life, I'd be fine. It's hilarious.

Wait on God. Never makes a mistake. Exodus 13, 16 says for by strength of hand, the Lord brought us forth out of Egypt. I love that at the right time. He called his people out of Egypt. That's powerful.

Disability as a Power Tool for Advancing God's Kingdom

Number two is this. The discipline of disability is this, that disabilities become power tools to God. They really do. I don't understand it. In Philippians 1, 13, our text this evening is this so that it has become evidence, circle the word evident to the whole palace guard.

Those are a bunch of Romans and all the rest that my chains are in Christ. Why are you here, Paul? Jesus wants me here. I'm in, I'm in jail for being a Christian and how in the world. Think about this.

How does this make sense? Church? Listen, it was Paul, the public preacher. Yep. Was an evangelist. Yep. Was he a church planter? Yep. Was he an apostle? Yep. Um, did he travel then more than most of us?

Yep. On a donkey and camel and all that stuff. Crazy. Huh? 2000 years ago, I got covered more ground. Look at the, you gotta look at a map of the missionary journeys of Paul. Amazing. What's he doing in prison?

If I would have been God's counselor, excuse me, Lord, you got a good man locked up there. You put some bum in prison that doesn't get around. Let Paul go. He gets everywhere. And if you ask me, this is a bad use of resources.

God is so brilliant. Why would he take a man who is a public man like Paul and put him in prison for a season? Did you see that in the Bible? It has become evident. The word evident is the word to shine.

Can you write that down to shine, to blaze? The word means to be a blaze, to spread around, or to move quickly like a Southern California brush fire. You can't, you can't outrun them. Look what he says.

He said, it's become evident. The news that I'm in jail has spread like wildfire. It's taken off. The Lord uses strange things, you guys, and they become power tools in the accidents, injury, imprisonments.

I don't understand it. I don't need to understand it. But the news of Paul's imprisonment spread like wildfire that he was found guilty and imprisoned for being a Christian. What an honor. Jesus was using Paul's arrest to advance the kingdom of God.

You say, how can that happen? How can anything good come out of this thing? I feel like I'm shut down. I feel like I'm sequestered, like I'm in a box. You ever feel like that in life? You can be standing on a mountaintop and feel like you're in prison.

Maybe tonight you're saying, how does my life matter? There's nothing coming out of my life. How do you know? How do you, who's watching you? You don't know. So I only know three people in my life. Hey, what if one of those people turn out to be the next Billy Graham and they're watching your life?

Oh man, that's just so out there. Freaky. You know what? My God is out there. Freaky. He does amazing stuff that you'll never figure out. Can you imagine Noah? He tells everybody it's going to rain. What's rain.

The Bible says up until then water came up from the ground and night do water the earth going to rain. What a dope building a boat in God's time. In fact, not only in God's time, does he make things right?

Isn't it amazing? You guys, you've lived long enough to realize. And what are we now? What centuries is 21st century? All this debate about God, listen, it's never going to end until he comes back because man's heart's that way.

But here's the cool thing. As time goes on, if you're going to be a nonbeliever, have you noticed it's getting really hard to be a nonbeliever? I'm a guy, you know, it's true because whenever there's an event in the world, every news channel in the universe turns to the Bible.

They call in all the theologians. What's going on? What do you want to know for? That's what I want to do. What's happening? Why should you ask? You don't care about me. 364 days out of the year, all of a sudden, you know, there's a big earthquake or some attack in the Middle East and CNN calls.

What's happening? I'll tell you what's happening. Jesus on the cross for your sins. No, no. We want to talk about the end of the world. No, you don't want to talk about the end of the world because you ain't ready to meet the end of the world.

No, I don't. I don't give that religious stuff. We don't know what Bible prophecy says. Isn't that funny? Bible prophecy is salvation, dude. It's getting saved. Well, I want, we want to know about the meaning of the 10 toes on Daniel's statue.

You need to know about the purpose of your life. It's funny. It's amazing. God uses stuff. And when God goes to work, people will know it. Verse 13 says so that it has become evident. It's spread like wildfire.

Galatians 6 17 says for now on, let no man trouble me. Paul speaks for I bear in my body, the marks of the Lord Jesus. You know what that means? You ever seen people getting tattoos? I mean, I haven't seen people get tattoos, but I've seen tattoo places.

I don't know why you do that. Put ink in your skin and a needle is a needle. Isn't it wrong with you? I see a needle, man. I run the other way. You get a tattoo. So what was it? And this is like mom on there or whatever.

I've been to prison to preach the gospel. Thank God. I've never been to prison. I spoke to a bunch of guys condemned out in Ironwood prison in the desert. Like when it Blythe area, you know, like it's like a hundred in the winter and I was terrified.

I was terrified because they took my clothes away. The, I had to wear a suit, like a jumpsuit, like everybody else is wearing. So wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. They have my, the guards have my wallet.

They have all my ID. I'm wearing an orange. So here's your Bible. And man, you walk out there and it's, I can't talk about some of the stuff that's going on. It's let me tell you, you do not want to go to prison.

And everybody looked at me and I said, it was a God moment. I said, let's get something straight right now. Dear Jesus, God of heaven and earth helped me. Let's just get something straight right here.

Right now. The only difference between me and you is that I have not been caught. Right? See, what do you mean? You guys, I actually was going a hundred miles an hour. Once in a 45, any police officers in here tonight, I, you should have taken me straight to jail.

It was a CHP officer. He found me. He caught me. I was working three jobs. I was a young idiot and I was racing from one job to the next job, trying to sleep in between stoplights. And I got busted. And according, I guess, according to the law, I don't know this stuff, but I was told by that guy, I can take you in right now.

You are absolutely insane. Think about it in God's court. We all got caught. God knows everything you see. Yeah. But what about the tattoo and the mark and Jesus? Listen, he, Paul says, I bear the marks of Jesus in my body.

He was talking about exactly the beatings, the scars, his back had been ripped open. The Bible says that Paul was stoned by his adversaries and left for dead. I think he died. I actually think, I think God brought him back to imagine measure.

If you can go online and watch people being stoned to death. Oh, you should. I'm not joking. You want to get your eyes in your brain clear about Islam. Go look at Islamic countries and what they do. You should see it.

Wake up America. Paul had been stoned and whipped and laid open and his body was scarred. Probably a little bit deformed from all the stuff you'd gone through. Paul says, I bear, I don't, Paul says, I am not worrying about how this all turns out in the end, because you know what?