TLP S00-E6: Ten Ways You're Making Your Family Life Harder Than It Has to Be

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Are there habits in your family life causing it to be way harder than it has to be?

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Is your family merely a sitcom caricature of the beautiful creation God has in mind for it?

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Well, these 10 steps and God's absolute truth will go a long way in helping you have a happier, more

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Christ -honoring family this year. Welcome to Truth. Love.

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Parent. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Thank you for joining me. I'm A .M.

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Brewster, and this show is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent.

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We're all familiar with the concept, you're your own worst enemy. This idea is also reminiscent of episode 2's theme that, to be a good parent,

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I need to be first concerned with my own spiritual temperature before addressing my family member's cold response.

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Well, on June 29, 2014, Tim Hawk wrote, 10 Ways You're Making Your Life Harder Than It Has to Be.

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It didn't take too long for it to go viral, and it's made many appearances on my friend's Facebook walls. Though I don't know if Mr.

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Hawk is a Christian and can't agree with everything he wrote in the original article, I do know many of the observations he made are not only applicable to the family, but are biblical.

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So today, using Tim's 10 ways and God's infallible truth, let's see how we can stop being our family's worst enemy and start glorifying

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God instead by addressing our own sinful habits. Alright, so the very first one on the top of Tim's list was,

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You Ascribe Intent. Alright, so your son scratched a Wolverine -sized gash in a friend's dining room table.

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Your daughter failed her chemistry test. Your spouse seems less than interested. But of course, we know why.

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Whether by way of crystal ball, mental telepathy, or our own self -proclaimed divinity, we always seem to know exactly why everyone does what they do.

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And, amazingly enough, it always seems to be a personal affront to us. Thankfully, there are two dramatic biblical principles that can quickly shut down any and all me -myself -and -I offense -taking.

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The first one is this. Most of the time, personal offenses grow out of perceived grievances.

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Likely, there was no real sin involved. You just took it that way. 1 Corinthians 13 says that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

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When I generally want God's best for someone, which is love, I will easily support her in trouble, believe the best about him when pessimism comes knocking, have high expectations for what she can become in Christ, and even endure the difficulties with him.

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It's not about me when I live that way. It's about my family. That'll help me to stop ascribing intent.

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The second thing is this. What if people actually sin against me? What if their intent was to hurt me?

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When Potiphar's wife asked Joseph to lie with her, Joseph understood his greatest sin wasn't going to be against himself,

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Mrs. Potiphar, or her husband. He asked the question, how then could I do this great evil and sin against God?

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That's in Genesis 39 .9. Your children's greatest danger is not offending you.

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It's offending God. And when you're consumed with the significance of God's glory, it's very hard to take offense.

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Is there a way to rightly understand a person's motivation, short of asking them? Yes. There's only one way, though, and we dealt with that in episode five.

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I'll leave you to go back and check that out. Otherwise, we need to stop assuming we know why our daughter's hanging around with that guy we forbade, and start dealing with the biblical principles about obedience that will help her to glorify

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God. The second way that we make our family life harder than it has to be is that we're the star of our own movie.

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This observation flows so well from the first because it's my preoccupation with my own plans that makes it so easy to think everyone else is either patting me on the back or stabbing me in the back.

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But how well does it work when a group of people all living under the same roof decide it's my way or you'd wish you'd ran away?

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Let's look at Jesus's example. As the almighty Lord and creator of the universe, he set aside his rightful expectations and became a man.

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Philippians 2 paints this picture for us so beautifully. Yet not only did he submit to his earthly parents, his spiritual authorities, the cultural edicts, and the secular government, his entire ministry on earth was defined by one repeating mantra.

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I am here to do the will of my father. He preached and prayed and healed as directed by the father.

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He suffered the agony and torment of physical torture and death to fulfill his father's will. He even experienced temporary separation from the father in order to purchase back unredeemed souls because that's what the father had decided was necessary.

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Yet we think we have the right to write our own scripts, direct our own scenes, get the girl and the gold medal, and time all the explosions in high -definition 3D.

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While Jesus was saying, not my will but yours be done. Instead of divas, imagine a house full of servants.

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Imagine the family life in that house. The third way that we make our family life harder than it has to be is that we fast forward to the apocalypse.

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People scream, the sky is falling, and it's never that bad. Not only will hoping all things, as First Corinthians tells us, will help to destroy this mentality, but we also need to ask ourselves, how big is your

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God? Is God big enough to provide financially? Is he powerful enough to help you parent?

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Is he in control of sickness, weather, and the lost TV remote? Or is all lost the moment you lose control of the situation?

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Think about it. Bad things don't happen to Christians who love God. Yeah, I said it.

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Romans 8 .28 is a set -in -stone promise that God is providentially working in all things to receive the highest glory and to accomplish the greatest good for you.

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But the caveat is that you must love him and be striving to live a life glorifying to him. If you're not trusting him when your son loses that scholarship or when your daughter gets pregnant, you don't have any certainty that the situation will work out for your own good.

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So stop being pessimistic. It's a sin. Matthew 19 .26 tells us that with God, all things are possible.

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Philippians 4 .19, my God will supply all your needs according to his riches and glory in Christ Jesus.

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Just read any of the Psalms that extol the greatness and mercy of God, and we will quickly be reminded that the apocalypse is going to come exactly when

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God intends it to, and when it comes, it'll be okay if we respond to him the way we should.

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It might not be comfortable. It might not be fun. But God will be glorified. The fifth way is that we're waiting for a sign.

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I love that God used Gideon, but he was an idiot sometimes.

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A pre -incarnate Messiah appears to Gideon and promises him great things. Gideon, unsure that this very normal -looking man is who he says, asks for a sign.

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Gideon gives the man food, and he miraculously causes the food to spontaneously combust and be consumed.

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So Gideon immediately believes that he's going to die because he's just convinced he saw God. Okay, fine.

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But then when the angel of the Lord returns to him with battle instructions, Gideon asks for another sign.

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And another. You see, Gideon knew who the angel was. His God -given authority had already been established.

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All that was left to do was obey. But Gideon was scared. You and I don't need to lay out a fleece to decide whether or not you should do what

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God's commanded. Is it right? Do it. Will it glorify God in your family?

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Do it. Yes, there's wisdom in a multitude of counselors, but those counselors should be advising you from God's Word.

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God's not going to keep your fleece dry. He's told you everything you need to know in His Word.

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2 Peter 1 .3 says, The sixth way that we make our family life harder than it has to be is that we don't take risks.

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Now, coming from a biblical perspective, that might seem a little questionable.

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You're saying that we should take risks? Well, one of my favorite secular quotes comes from a very, very unlikely source.

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Oscar Wilde once said, Now, I think it's a fun quote, but let's look at this from a biblical perspective.

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We serve an awesome God who's tasked us with an awesome responsibility.

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I mean, not just one, but many. But looking at one in particular, Matthew 28, 19 through 20 says,

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But these are risky responsibilities, are they not? At least from a human perspective. Think about some of the other commands we've been given.

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Philippians 4 .13 Mark 11 .23

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The seventh way we make life difficult is that we constantly compare our life to others.

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In his article, Tim takes this opportunity to quote Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy said, Paul tells us in Philippians 4 .11

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-13, Remember that awesome

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God who's promised to provide all our needs and pour upon us the wisdom of the ages? He knows what we need.

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He's promised to provide exactly what we need every time. We just have to be thankful for what we have.

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Paul learned that from repeatedly experiencing God's provision and love. I've often said that I don't have a million dollars because God doesn't want me to have a million dollars at this point in my life.

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And I'm fine with that. Why would I want something that isn't the best for me? Now, picture a house where the children are content with the food on their plates and the clothes in their closets.

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Imagine a husband who's content with the wife of his youth and a wife who's content with the income her husband provides.

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Stop making your family life more difficult by wanting things God knows aren't best for you. The eighth way that we make things difficult for us and our family is that we let other people steal from us.

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They steal two things in particular. The first one is time. It's sadly ironic how we delegate our time.

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Work and school get the most. Then after that, there's a flock of activities, friends, entertainments, and meetings that swoop in to peck at the remaining crumbs.

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Doesn't it seem that God and our families have to fight to get even a sniff of our time? This year, we need to stop letting the less important steal from the more important.

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Family bonding time and intentional times of worship are vitally necessary. Your kids' friends are great, but they don't need to steal your children every weekend for sleepovers.

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Your golf buddies are nice guys, but do they spend more time with you than your wife? Let's prioritize our time better, shall we?

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The second thing that we let them steal from us is energy. One of the harder passages of Scripture tells us not to cast our pearls before swine.

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If you want to look it up, it's in Matthew 7, 6. The intention of these verses is to teach us that when people refuse to hear the truth and become violent scorners, likely there's someone else we should be sharing that truth with.

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Someone who will listen. As before, we pour our energies into work and our social lives outside of the family so much that when we finally meet around the dinner table, we're able to accomplish less than,

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I don't know, Middle East peace talks moderated by a mime. But that's not right for our families.

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Whether children or parents, we need to put as much effort and interest into interacting with our family as we do hanging out at the mall or finishing that project at work.

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The ninth way that Tim says we make our lives difficult is that we can't or won't let go.

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Of course, if I were writing this, I would say we won't let go, because as Christians, we know that we can.

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I know, you've been hurt. Your spouse isn't being the person you thought they were.

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I get it. We've all been there. But Tabimel is downright aggressive on the subject of forgiveness.

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Consider these passages with me. In Matthew 18, 21 through 22, we see,

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Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him,

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I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. In Hebrews 12, 15, we're told,

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And what about this? Matthew 6, 15, But if you do not forgive others, then your father will not forgive your transgressions.

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You will never have a successful family life if bitterness, anger, and an unforgiving spirit scratch away at the joy of every encounter.

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You need to let go. You need to be reconciled. Give and get forgiveness. If everyone in your family went to sleep every night, happy to be a part of your family, when would you ever have time to hate each other?

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Now, the tenth and final reason or way that we make our family life harder than we have to is this.

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You don't give back. John 13, 34 says, Are you a disciple of Christ?

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Really? Then prove it. Love is serving.

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It's doing what's in everyone else's best interest. Christians should be, quote -unquote, giving back more than anyone else.

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Getting the one another's right is a lifelong endeavor, one we've all been commanded to undertake.

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And I think you probably noticed that we've now come full circle. Imagine a family unit joyfully giving for everyone else.

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Older brothers wouldn't mind losing board games to their younger sisters. Mom would look forward to washing the clothes.

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Children would look forward to washing their own clothes. Why? Well, not because it ultimately brings them satisfaction, but because true love is happiest when it's sacrificed for others.

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Are there habits in your family life causing it to be way harder than it has to be? Is your family merely a sitcom caricature of the beautiful creation

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God has in mind for it? Well, these 10 steps and God's absolute truth will go a long way in helping you have a happier, more

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Christ -honoring family this year. But if applying these truths seems difficult, if the direct application for your family seems something that you can't even begin to imagine, we would love to assist you in that.

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You can email us at counselor at evermindministries .com.

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We would love to give you some practical advice for your family and how you can start tackling these 10 ways that you're making your family life harder than it has to be.

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Of course, I'd love it if you followed me on Twitter at ambruster. You can also follow

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Evermind Ministries on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. And don't forget about evermindministries .com

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and our blog, Taking Back the Bible. Thank you so much for spending this time with me, and may your family life glorify

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God today. Truth. Love. Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.