A Christlike Home (2) Christlike Parents and Children — Zac Poonen

Christlike Parents and the Spiritual Testimony of the Home

So we want to continue our study of a Christ-like home. We saw in our first session Christ-like husbands and wives and we want to look now at Christ-like parents and children. As I said in the Old Testament there was not much spoken about husband-wife relationship except a few verses and Proverbs to wives but concerning children there are a few things mentioned in the Old Covenant too and much more in the New Covenant.

I think children help us to know whether our Christian religion and faith is genuine or whether we are hypocrites because we can guard ourselves from losing our testimony before other people in the church but it's almost impossible to guard yourself from your children because they see you 24 hours and they know everything.

Those who live in your home know everything about your relationship as husband and wife and that's why the Bible speaks so much about in the New Testament about the way you bring up your children. I mean if you brought up your children well it's an important qualification for being a leader in God's house.

Let me show you that verse 1 Timothy 3. Here is a condition for being an elder in a church. Now most of you may never be elders in the church but you need to understand the principle of spiritual responsibility and that is 1 Timothy 3 an overseer verse 2 must be above reproach.

Husband of one wife is the first thing mentioned is his relationship with his wife and then it says in verse 4 he must be one who manages his own household well keeping his children under control with all dignity because if a man does not know how to manage his own household or family how can he take care of the Church of God.

So the Church of God is a higher responsibility than family and if you can't bring up three or four children in the fear of God how in the you're going to take care of 200 people in a church. Now here is another just like husband-wife relationships and Christendom many cases have ended up in divorce.

There's children also unfortunately most Christian workers that children are wayward. It's almost become legendary that children of full-time workers and preachers are wayward and what is the reason?

I personally believe there can be only one reason that they don't practice at home what they preach in the church. They can preach fantastic things in the church but the children see it's all hypocrisy.

Dad and mom don't live according to what they speak in the church. Then they go astray because the example of their life speaks louder than the words that they speak and in Titus also we find requirements for an elder and there it's even more strongly said Titus chapter 1 elders must be an elder must be verse 6.

Titus 1 .6. A man above reproach the husband of one wife and children who are believers. See this is even more than what you read in Timothy of children who are kept under control. How can a man be held responsible for his children being believers or unbelievers?

I mean if this is completely out of his control there can't be such a condition. See there are certain things outside our control. We can't be responsible for it. Do you understand that? Supposing there was a condition saying an elder should not be bald.

What can you do about it? That's not something he has a control over. Do you believe he has a control over children being believers? Is it something he has no control over like baldness or height? Elder must be above so much height.

Those things he has no control over. The Bible is not unreasonable. It doesn't give us conditions which we have no control over. So when it says an elder must have children who are believers that means it's something which a man has control over.

Now the reason I say that is even if you are never become an elder in your life remember that whether your children grow up to be believers or not is dependent on you. Don't ever push that responsibility on somebody else and say the devil did this or they are being influenced by my parents or they go to the grandfather's house and get led astray.

These are all silly excuses or children are different. These are all excuses to justify ourselves. The Lord told the Pharisees you fellows are experts at justifying yourself. It's a mark of a Pharisee.

It's much better to say what the Bible says in Romans 3 let God be true and every man a liar. So I believe that God's Word is true even in the Old Testament. It says in Proverbs and chapter 22 and verse 6 train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old he will not depart from it.

He may not depart from it or he will not depart from it. I believe that's inspired. He will not depart from it. I mean they may have their ups and downs. Some children have a few struggles in their teenage years in their early 20s that's because they have it's like they're in transition between being a child and an adult and they make the mistake in their teenage years of thinking that they are adults and the parents make the mistake in their teenage years of thinking that their children are still babies.

So both are wrong and that's why sometimes they go through an up-and-down. Some people have a smooth passage through their teenage years but as they grow older if they're really being trained they will not depart from that way which has been instilled into them and one of the great examples for us parents is Moses' mother who had Moses as a little baby with her for a much shorter time than you and I have our children.

You know Pharaoh's daughter picked up that baby from the bulrushes and gave it to the mother saying train him up and when he's old enough bring him to our house to the palace. I don't know how many years she had Moses at home.

I'd say seven years but what a work she did in those seven years that when Moses was old when he was 40 years old he did not depart from those values that his mother had put into his head before he was seven.

How many of us believe that we can put values into our children's hearts and heads before they are seven years old? We got to start as soon as they begin to understand which is even before they are one year old.

They understand. It says about Moses in Hebrews and chapter 11. Now remember if an old covenant mother could do such a fantastic job how much more we remember what I said in the earlier session we got to be filled with the Holy Spirit to be a Christlike husband, Christlike wife, Christlike parent or a Christlike child.

Hebrews 11 it says the faith of Moses' parents is mentioned here in verse 24 or 23. By faith Moses' parents, this is the faith of Moses' parents, hid him for three months. They were not afraid of the king's edict.

King had said all the little baby boys should be killed. They were not afraid. They would not kill a baby even if there's a law in the country saying you must abort your child. God-fearing parents would say sorry we're not going to do it because that's murder.

So they didn't kill that child and when Moses grew up notice the three things that he refused. We know that that happened when he was 40 years old. He said I'm not the son of Pharaoh's daughter. Now see everybody thought he was the son of Pharaoh's daughter and if he had kept quiet about it he would have been a Pharaoh.

Pharaoh means the most powerful ruler in the whole world at that time because Egypt was the biggest superpower, the only superpower and he could have been the head of the world's greatest nation. He just turned it down.

He says no I'm not the son of Pharaoh's daughter. I don't want that honor. He refused the honor of the world. Second was 25. He rejected the passing pleasure of sin. He lived in a palace which was the most wicked, corrupt, immoral place in the whole world and he saw what all was happening.

A lot of pleasure in sin. He was a young man as he grew up. He rejected the pleasure of sin because he knew it was passing. He said I know there's a pleasure in sin but it'll pass. I don't want it. Third he rejected the treasures of Egypt verse 26.

So three things that Moses rejected when he grew up. One the honor of this world, the pleasure of this world and the wealth of this world saying I don't want it. Now here was a man who had the opportunity to get it.

Most of us don't have the opportunity to get all these three and to say that we don't take it is not a great thing but here was a man who had the opportunity to get all these three and said no. Where did he learn it?

Did Pharaoh's daughter teach him that? Did anybody in the palace teach him that? No. That was the early seven years of training which he got from his mother. Why do I say his mother? Because his father was a slave and I presume the slaves went off to work at 6 o 'clock and come back late.

I mean our computer scientist slaves usually nowadays go at 7 o 'clock in the morning and come back 7 in the evening. It's something like that. Those days are much worse. The slaves in Egypt they went off to work maybe early morning came back late in the evening and probably saw very little of Moses.

There the mother had this little boy at home and drilled into because he knew she knew I've got him only for seven years. She drilled into his head remember you are an Israelite. We are descended from Abraham who contacted God.

We are the chosen people of God. Don't ever forget that. Drilled it drilled it into a head for seven years. He never forgot it even when he lived there. So he stood up and said I'm not an Egyptian. I'm not a son of Pharaoh's daughter and drilled into his head another thing.

Don't despise the fact that we are poor. We are living in a hut. We're slaves but wealth is not everything. We've got God. Wealth is not the big thing. Don't live for money. Imagine drilling that into a child's head when he's seven years old and the child absorbs it.

Money is not everything. It doesn't matter if you're living in a small hut. Dad's a slave. He doesn't have much money. I can't get you all the toys. Other rich people can get their children. We are poor but we're not ashamed of it because money is not everything.

What wonderful values to put into our children's heads before they are seven years old. And then when they are seven years old they don't know much about sin. But she must have taught him sin is dishonoring to God.

Fighting with your sister is wrong. Telling lies is wrong. Little little sins and you mustn't hurt anybody. You mustn't. Those values got into it and as you grow up Moses there'll be other pleasures of sin.

Avoid them. Avoid them. You're a child. You're one of God's people. Train up a child and when he's young and when he's old he will not depart from it. It's a classic example and it was done by a mother single-handedly because I don't know how much time the father had at home.

Mothers Who Instill Faith Across Generations

Another example is Timothy, his mother. We read in 2nd Timothy in chapter 1. 2nd Timothy chapter 1, Paul says in verse 5, 2nd Timothy 1 .5, I'm mindful of the sincere faith within you. Where did he get it from?

Where did Timothy get the sincere faith? He says it was first in your mother, in your grandmother, Lois and your mother, Eunice. So the grandmother had this sincere faith and she drilled it into her little girl Eunice's head.

Faith, God can take it. God can solve every problem. There's no trial that God cannot see us through and Eunice must have seen in her mother, Lois, how in difficult situations she would pray and trust God and say don't worry.

There are problems but God will solve it and she would see the problem solved in their home. She grew up seeing a mother who would pray whenever there's a problem and not complain and grumble and back bite and gossip with the neighbors but would pray and see God and that little girl grew up with faith in her heart and she grew up.

I have a feeling that Eunice when she grew up for a period she backslid. That can happen but she came back. The reason I say that is because she didn't marry a Jew, she married a Greek and you read there in Acts chapter 16 that there was this man called Timothy verse 1.

Young man Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer but his father was a Greek. How did this Jewish woman go and marry a Greek? There was a law which says you must not marry non-Jewish people.

She must have backslidden and then she married this Greek who was probably only interested in making money. Unbeliever. So you know Paul doesn't tell Timothy this sincere faith which was in your father.

Father never had faith. It was the mother. It's a great encouragement to mothers. Your husbands take no interest in bringing up your children. Here's an example. Moses' mother, Timothy's mother, I think when she got a child a lot of backslidden women marry outside the will of God but when they get a child they repent.

They say boy okay I made a blunder in my life but I'm gonna make up for that by bringing up this child in the fear of God and so she would have spent all her time okay I'm gonna make up for where I slipped up by bringing up my child.

Father was busy with his making money and his business. Timothy's mother spent time with him, time with him. Many great men of God have become that through the influence of their mothers who prayed for them, instructed them.

John Wesley had a very God-fearing mother who gave birth to about 19 children of which seven or eight died. This is in the 1700s but even though she had about I don't know 10 or 11 children she and her husband was not much interested even though he was a preacher clergyman he was not much interested but she is a God-fearing woman who's very strict with her children, would never allow her children to speak unkindly even to the servants and instructed them.

She would spend one hour every week with each child alone. Imagine having 11 children and spending one hour every week with each child alone instructing them in the things of God and John Wesley grew up.

He never had any children but he started the Methodist Church which was the most powerful movement in the world in the 1700s. I mean it's very different today and when he wanted to instruct parents in his churches he got his mother to write the instructions.

So you tell these people how to bring up children. He had so much respect for the way his mother brought him up. Timothy's mother was like that too. I mean she couldn't she was a backslidden but she raised an apostle.

Timothy became an apostle and a young when he was 18 years 19 years old Paul looked at him and said I want this man on my team. Imagine if the Apostle Paul had looked at some 18 year old boy here and said I want that person on my team.

Boy that would be tremendous honor. I would consider a tremendous honor if I was 18 years old and Paul picked me up for his team or Paul picked up one of my children for his team and they're 18 years old.

That indicated what a job the mother had done with Timothy during that time that she raised someone who became an apostle, a God-fearing young man in spite of the fact that she had to do it single-handedly.

Moses' mother did it single-handedly. So all these things teach us train up a child in the way he should go, take time, effort. That means if Moses' mother and Timothy's mother had to spend so much time with their children and John Wesley's mother had to spend so much time children.

I'll tell you one thing they didn't have time to go visiting all their neighbors and gossiping and chit-chatting about everything that was going on under the Sun like a lot of sisters do. They didn't have time to waste with useless things.

They concentrated on their children and determined that they would bring up their children in the fear of God and see the rewards. Timothy went on probably to bring hundreds of others to Christ. One woman's labor and when Timothy gets his reward I'm sure God's gonna call his mother and his grandmother and say hey each of you got to get your reward for the way you brought him up.

Discipline and Instruction in the Lord

So these are great examples of men who've been brought up and so what does it mean for us to be a Christlike parent? The Bible says in Ephesians fathers the responsibility is primarily on fathers chapter 6 verse 4.

Don't provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. There are two things discipline and instruction. Both we must do not just discipline. There are a lot of fathers even in the world who discipline and mothers ready to whack their child.

Well that's no use if you don't give instruction. Discipline plus instruction it's like two legs. Don't stand on one leg and bring up your children. Stand on both legs. Discipline plus instruction of the Lord and the primary responsibility is the fathers and if you're a born again father it's your responsibility to bring up you.

It doesn't say mothers it says fathers. If you're a useless father then let the mother do the job that's fine but acknowledge every day before God I'm a useless father. You better say that. I'm a useless father so I'm letting my wife do the job but it's your job to bring up your children not your wife's.

She's not the one supposed to instruct the children and she's not the one supposed to discipline the children. It's your job. I'm not saying the mother does not discipline the children but the primary responsibility is the fathers.

It's so clear here. Why doesn't it say parents? Why does it say fathers? Is it a slip of the ball's pen? No because even in Colossians where it speaks about parents and children it says in Colossians 321 fathers.

So that's definite it's primary responsibility of fathers but if you're a useless father like Timothy's father then the mother's got to do the job or if the father is away at work the whole day then the mother's got to do the job.

So anyway the responsibility is on parents to bring up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So what does that mean? Let me turn you to Psalm 90. This is a Psalm that Moses wrote. Now we know that Moses was a bit of a failure as a father.

You read in Exodus chapter 4 that he had not circumcised his own child. Perhaps I should show you that. The reason I say that is because Psalm 90 was written by Moses. So let's look at his history a little bit.

Exodus chapter 4 you read about Moses that he was selected by God to go to Egypt to be the leader and on his way we read on the way they stopped at a lodging place on the way to Egypt Exodus 4 24 and while Moses was there it says the Lord met him and tried to put him to death.

What do you mean tried to put him to death? I mean God could kill a man any moment. I don't know what happened maybe Moses got seriously sick with a high fever on his way to Moses on his way to Egypt to deliver the Israelites he gets his high fever and he's about to die and his wife wife was not a Jewish person wife was a Gentile the daughter of some heathen priest and they began to seek God and it became clear to both of them it is because you have not circumcised your son.

How in the world are you going to lead Israel to obey God's commandments and you haven't done it in your own home and Zipporah his wife realized it. Verse 23 took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin and threw it at Moses feet and said you're indeed a bridegroom of blood.

That means they had argued about it many times and for the sake of peace in the house Moses said okay we'll disobey God honey do it your way just like Adam for the sake of peace in his home he told Eve okay honey if you insist I'll disobey God I'll eat give me the apple give me the fruit rather.

Well that's what Moses did. God said you're gonna lead people and you can't even be the head in your own home. I tell you I have to say that to many so-called Christian husbands in our churches. I say you men should put a veil on your head and sit in the meeting because you're not the head in your home.

You let your wife run the show and why are you sitting here with an uncovered head? Put a veil on your head and cover it and say I'm not the head in my home my wife is the head in my home. God created man to be the head of his home and he or he was disobeying the case of his own children.

So serious that God wants to kill Moses and somebody went to the Lord and said Lord but he's the only man available now to lead your people you took 80 years to train him you'll take 80 years to get another man he says I don't care I'll take a hundred years to train another man but I'll kill this man if he doesn't obey me.

You know how serious it is not to bring up your children in the right way. I mean this is the I'll tell you this is the reason why God's anointing has gone away from many of his servants who once had it but lost it because they listened to their wives did what they told them compromised God's standards in the house and allowed the children to grow up worldly because the soft wife said oh don't don't hurt our child let him let him have it and so on let our girl dress that way.

Okay okay it doesn't matter if he's a bit worldly and following the worldly fashion it doesn't matter and the father who should be putting a veil on his head. Okay honey we let our girl grow up like that.

Isn't that tragic absolutely tragic. Well that's Moses. God almost tried to kill him. God is very strict with his servants and in the new covenant all of us are supposed to be God's servants. So now we come to Psalm 90 the Psalm which Moses wrote and see what he says there.

Psalm 90 is the only Psalm that Moses wrote. He says Lord we're 16. The Psalm 90. Verse 16. Let your majesty let your work appear to your servants and your majesty to their children. Lord we want our children to see your majesty and for them to see your majesty.

Verse 17. Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us. It's the King James Version translation is that the correct translation. Let the beauty like we sing. Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me. We get it from this verse.

Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us so that our children can see your majesty and confirm the work of our hands. Yes Lord confirm the work of our hands. Our children must see that God is with their daddy.

God is with their mummy. That they can see the majesty of the Lord the beauty of the Lord in the lives of their parents. So that is primary. So what does it mean to be a Christ like mother and a Christ like father.

Grace and Truth in Christlike Parenting

Remember when God made man. It says listen to this verse Genesis 1 and 28. No yeah 27. Genesis 1 27. God created man in his own image. In the image of God he created them male and female. So there there's a part of God's image in a woman which no matter how hard a man tries he can't do it.

It's in the combination of man and woman that the full image of God can be seen. That's what it says there in the image of God he created them male and female. And that's why he's made a woman a certain way and man a certain way that if they are really joined together they can manifest the full beauty of the glory of God.

Glory of God full of grace and truth is to be seen in a husband and wife together not alone. They must see the beauty of Jesus in their parents right from early childhood. What is the glory of God. The glory of God we read in John 1 14 was seen in Jesus Christ full of grace and truth as a balance.

There it's not all grace. It's not all truth. It's truth plus grace. It's like bones plus flesh. Bones are solid things. Unbendable firm. No flexibility. That's truth. Sorry I'm not going to compromise on that.

We're not going to allow that in this house. That's against God's Word. We don't permit it in this house. Those are the bones. But that bones must be covered over with flesh with grace. That's the glory of God.

If your children see only bones don't blame them for running away from you. Because you yourself will run away from a skeleton. If you see a skeleton walking up to you in the middle of the night what do you do.

You'll run. And if you fathers and mothers are like skeletons to your children only bones firm firm firm. Don't blame them. If they run the skeleton is to be covered over with flesh. There's a lot of difference between a skeleton kissing a child and a person with flesh kissing a child.

It's hard skeleton. Even the kiss of a skeleton is hard but it's covered with flesh. There's grace and truth. That's the glory. That's the balance. There is the beauty of God. And that's the beauty says let's let it be seen in me.

And there when husband and wife are together it's wonderful. Because one may have a little more of truth one may have a little more of grace. But when both together the glory is seen. See Romans chapter 11.

This is what our children must see in us as Christlike parents. This is what we have to manifest to our children. Romans chapter 11 and verse 22. Behold. Now whenever you read the word behold it means look carefully.

Don't just quickly glance. Look carefully at the kindness and the severity of God that is grace and truth. See how kind God is and see how strict he is. That is the balance kindness plus strictness that our children must see in us as parents.

And you know if one is overly strict then the other is overly kind. Then there's a balance. But one should not prevent the other from fulfilling that part of God. You know there must be a balance of grace and truth of kindness and strictness so that for example if a father is going to punish a child for something he does deserves punishment for the mother should not in a false sense of compassion say no no no no don't do it.

And the child suddenly gets the idea that father and mother are actually not agreed on this and they'll play one against the other. That's not the time. I mean if you feel that your husband has punished your child too hard you need to talk to him because you're his helper.

But talk to him afterwards after the punishment is over. I mean your child is not going to die because he got one wrong punishment afterwards. You can when in when your children are not listening you can talk to your husband and say you know I think that was a bit too strict because whatever reason that's how the balance comes.

If your husband and wife can talk together but never give that impression to your children that you're divided it's very important. There's a beauty in the blending of grace and truth in kindness and strictness that must be.

A children must really see that you love them. You're willing to sacrifice anything for them. You're kind towards them. I mean they can even see little things like this. Our children used to see that in our home when we couldn't afford a lot of good food they would see that we would give them all the good food and eat very simple food ourselves as father and mother.

That is a very simple way in which you can show your children that if you don't have enough money to get good food for everyone you give it to them first and give them the best part of the food and eat nothing or what's left over.

What I mean is if there are sweet things that you can't afford to get for everybody just give it to them. They see that you deny yourself there's a kindness there. And then at other times there's a strictness.

Spending Time and Becoming Friends With Children

I'll tell you one of the greatest joys of my own life has been this now that I'm 71 that all four of my boys have told me dad you are a hero and we want to bring up our children the way you brought us up.

If you can hear that from your children one day I wish you will. I don't mean they're just flattering you but they really mean it. You're a lucky parent. You've done a job good job. If you brought them up in the fear of God it's very very important.

I mean it was so important for me in my younger days when I was a young father that I'll tell you I don't like to make myself an example but I'm not perfect. I'm not. I told my children I was not a perfect father.

I'm an honest father. I made mistakes. I made lots of mistakes but I would always acknowledge them. I was an honest father. But I only say this to say that it has worked. It's only to say that. It's like saying I did a chemistry experiment and it worked.

So I'm only saying it in that context for the glory of God that there were many things. I would cancel my own program so that I could be with my children. It was important if they had some function that was important for them in which they were taking part whether it was a school drama or sport or some activity.

I would try my best if at all possible to adjust my program so that I could be there for that. It would mean a certain amount of giving up certain other things. But I'd be there to show my children that I'm interested in what you're doing.

I want to ask you do your children feel that you're interested in something they are doing even if you have no interest in them. But for the sake of your children you take an interest. Yeah if they're interested in it.

And I know my wife is a greater expert at this than me. She'd sit and watch American football with these children. She doesn't have the slightest interest in it. But I can't understand one bit of it. She knows a bit now.

But just for the sake of fellowship with the children. Boy I like that. And that's brought them very close to her you know. And I want to encourage you. Sometimes you have to deny yourself and sit and do something which is not evil but something innocent which you don't have any interest in.

Perhaps for the sake of fellowship with your children but play a game with them. You have no interest in. Perhaps you want to fellowship with them. This is a day when there's the devil's trying to separate parents from children and don't try and be super spiritual.

Try and fellowship with the children and the ordinary things of life in little little things take an interest in their homework. When I visit different homes sometimes I mean now I don't get much time to visit many homes because I'm traveling so much.

But when I was here much more frequently and I was an elder in this church once for a number of years nice to visit some homes. I would call the little children and talk to them. I love to talk to little children.

I'd call them and ask them about their homework what subject they were studying. I'd ask them to bring me your geography book or bring me your mathematics book. And you know small classes things which I also know.

And I would ask them some question and talk to them and maybe teach them some simple way of doing something and become friendly with them by talking not about Hebrews and James and all that but about geography and mathematics things they are interested in.

And I've become their friends thereby. And the result is when I stand up here to speak in the pulpit they'll sit here and listen to me because they know I'm their friend. You must become friends with little children.

Jesus was a great lover of little children. And you're not like Jesus if you don't love children I tell you that no matter you can think you're very holy. But if you don't love little children you're not like Jesus.

Restoring Fathers' and Children's Hearts

Not only your children. Anybody's children see it says in Malachi chapter 4. Malachi chapter 4 the last verse it says in the last two verses Elijah is going to come before the great and terrible day of the Lord.

He will restore the hearts of the fathers to the children. The hearts of the children to their fathers so that I don't come and smite the land with a curse. The last word the last word in the Old Testament is curse.

That's how the Old Testament ends. And then you come into the New Testament with grace. And that curse is on the land because fathers don't have time for their children. These are the days we are living in.

Fathers are too busy. I was reading somewhere the diary of a young 20 year old boy who died in a car crash and the parents were active members in a church they were going to and after they never knew that he was writing a little diary after his death.

They opened this diary and they found entries. You know something about geography and other things there. And then today I went to dad and asked him something and dad said don't disturb me. Now I've got something very important to do.

And he says what a home this is. I'm so lonely. Even my dad doesn't have time for me. And then another few days later another entry. I went to my mom for something. She said no. I've got to go for a prayer meeting.