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Source: https://www.sermonindex.net/speakers/john-slabaugh/courtship/
Proverbs 30 verse 18. There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea for which I know not, the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid.
Genesis chapter 2 verse 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him and help me for him, a helper suited to him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air.
Down to chapter verse 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. And he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from a man, from man, from Adam, made he a woman and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.
Turn also to Genesis chapter 24. This whole chapter would be profitable to read, but we won't have the time to do it. So I'll ask you to turn to verse 58. Genesis 24 and 58. And they called Rebekah and said unto her, wilt thou go with this man?
And she said, I will go. Chapter 28 verse 1. And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him and said unto him, thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padanerim, to the house of Bethuel, thy mother's father, and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban, thy mother's brother.
Chapter 29. Then Jacob went on his journey and came into the land of the people of the east. I should have told you that he took his father's advice and he set out for Padanerim. He's arrived here now in verse 2 of chapter 29.
And he looked and behold a well in the field and lo there were three flocks of sheep lying by it. For out of that well they watered the flocks and a great stone was upon the well's mouth. And thither were all the flocks gathered and they rolled the stone from the well's mouth and watered the sheep and put the stone again upon the well's mouth in his place.
And Jacob said unto them, my brethren, whence be ye? And they said, of Aaron are we. And he said unto them, know ye Laban, the son of Nahar? And they said, we know him. And he said unto them, is it he well?
And they said, he is well. And behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep. Now again we could profitably read a great deal more. Christians are or should be different. Romans chapter 12, I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God which is your reasonable service, and be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
What I have before me this afternoon is to speak of a subject that will have real interest on the part of only a portion of the audience. I want to speak about courtship. That should also be of interest not only to young people who are contemplating choosing a life partner, but it should also be of real interest to the parents of those young people.
I'm thinking of how we have to be very careful when we take up this subject in the language that we use, that we use sanctified language. We read in Proverbs chapter 30 and verse 19 about the way of a man with a maid.
I well remember in my teen years thinking of what lay ahead, how will I know the mind of God, and trying to imagine what it would be like to take on the responsibility of marriage, and I wished that I could have had some counsel, and I hope what we have to say this afternoon will be helpful to those of you who are facing the same thing.
I had a very keen anxiety about the matter, but I didn't need to have that anxiety because when the time comes, the way of a man with a maid, it works, the relationship is formed, and I look back now upon 59 very happy years with the wife of my youth, even though we don't share our lives together any longer.
I have a couple of suggestions that I want to make. It's so easily possible in this phase of a person's life to make some blunders. A dear young sister, whom I knew well, had a, she was a nurse, and she had a patient, a young man, and he took a real shine to her.
He wasn't safe, and he asked her to go out with him. He asked her repeatedly. She always turned him down because she knew about the unequal yoke, and she was determined she was not going to become involved in an accident.
Yes, God preserved her. She said she did it so that she could once for all settle it with him, that she wasn't going to keep company with him. They went out for a meal, and she did, tell him plainly, she had no intention of ever marrying him.
But I thought she made a blunder even if you go that far. It should have been enough just to have taken a stand and said no. I could tell you another story about her, but I'm going to stop. When it comes to courtship, there's three things that you want to guard against.
You want to guard against trifling. When two young people begin to see one another, there is the chemistry that is at work, and it can be a very painful thing if that budding relationship is broken. Be very careful that you don't trifle with the affections of a young man, sister, or a young woman, brother.
Guard also against intimacy. That will lead to a lifetime of regret. Make sure to maintain purity. Guard against impurity. Now, I'm going to make another statement that I feel very strongly about. In our assemblies today, there are far more eligible young sisters than there are eligible young men.
And it's, I think, harmful to tease young sisters about that matter. I think I've said enough about that. I'll pass on because I do want to get to my subject of courtships. Scriptural courtships didn't differ that much from the practices of our day.
There's one notable difference in the scriptural courtships. They didn't begin until after the parents of the bridegroom had selected the bride they wanted for their husband. Any of you young men willing to let your parents select your bride for you?
That's not the custom here today. And they negotiated with the parents of the bride. And then when that had been settled, they were engaged and they may scarcely have known one another. You know, that's practiced in some cultures yet today, but I don't think you would persuade the young people in this audience that that was the way to go.
Maybe I can encourage you young folks to keep the lines of communication open with mom and dad and let them be a help and a guide to you. My own sister, maybe I shouldn't tell it quite that intimately, was keeping company with a young man.
He was in the assembly, but he wasn't saved. And my father so very wisely said to her, why don't you just step back and take another look at this? That's all he said. She did. And they hadn't gotten close to engagement.
There was no engagement broken. But she terminated that relationship and ultimately was happily married to a man who has been an overseer in the assembly. And theirs has been a home that honored God and a home that was a blessing to God's people.
And the other man, he went on into a life of great wickedness, but he came from a Christian home and their parents' prayers were answered. I've said enough about that. I want to speak about number one, the will of God in courtship.
That's why I read in Genesis chapter 2 about Adam and Eve. God brought Eve to Adam. And young brother, if in time to come, after that great day has passed, if in time to come you can look back and you can say, God brought this woman to me.
That's a tremendous thing to be able to say. I can say more. I find it rather amazing that we even read that. God brought Eve to Adam. Who else? Because there was no other yet at that time. Now you'll notice that it was God's purpose that man should have help meet for him.
The two become one. And ideally they compliment one another. I don't mean they say nice things about one another. They harmonize with one another. And that's God's intention. I would say that the, another interesting statement there is, for this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall be joined unto his wife.
Didn't you think and don't I think that it's the young lady that leaves her family? Brethren, it's both leave the home that they were raised in. A new unit is formed. They too shall be one flesh. One in their lives together.
One in their working together. One in their raising the family together. One. How important that is. Is it any wonder that parents are concerned that their children get the right one? And that's only proper.
How did you feel, parents, when your son or your daughter first took up driver's training? Weren't you concerned? I expect you were. And in the same vein and far more importantly is the concern that the child gets the right one.
So I would say that in the case of Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, the bridegroom's parents in both instances were very concerned that the, their son would get the right bride. You'll notice that in both instances they did not want them to become linked up with unbelievers.
And there are other verses in the Bible that plainly state that we are not to be joined in an unequal yoke with unbelievers. And that goes for the matrimonial yoke. I want to say something not only about the will of God in courtship, God's will, the two shall be one flesh, he brought Eve to Adam.
I want to speak about the working of God in courtship. Isaac and Rebecca, that whole 24th chapter of Genesis is one of the most important chapters in our Bible. And God or Abraham assigned to his servant, who isn't named, the responsibility of finding a bride for his son Isaac.
I want you to notice a number of things. I'm going to trust your memory that you are already aware of what the chapter has to say. The first thing I want to point out is that the servant requested divine guidance.
There's hardly any thing in your life, child of God, about which it is more vital to have the mind of God than in the choice of a life's partner. So the servant who was entrusted with that responsibility, he prayed for divine guidance.
He prayed very explicitly. I wonder sometimes about my own prayers. Do I pray explicitly? And I'm not now talking about the subject I'm speaking about. I'm just saying it's so easy to pray generally. God saves sinners around the world.
You can depend on it. He's going to do that. But to pray for a specific individual, to pray explicitly, and then see God come in and answer that prayer. There's nothing like a child of God. When you have done that, when you see that, here's the servant.
He said, bring the right one to me. When I ask her to give me a drink, she'll give me a drink. And then she'll even offer water for my camels. And he had scarcely opened his eyes. And there's Rebecca standing before him, and he asked her.
And she did everything that he had requested. You see, he had requested divine guidance. Now that guidance was revealed by events. As we stand and look forward, we can't see very far. But if we are laying out what we're looking for, and then watch as that unfolds before us, that gives us great confidence that we have the mind and will of God.
And you know, when Rebecca walked up to that well that day to feed her father's sheep, she wasn't even thinking about matrimony. But when she found out who the man was that asked her for a drink, she went home and told her father.
And her brother came running and invited the servant to the home. And in just a matter of a few days, at the most, maybe only one day, the question was put to her. Will thou go with this man? The servant had described how he met her.
He told what his mission was. And then when he posed that question to the household, tell me whether the girl will go with me or not. And they said, this is of the Lord. It was revealed to them, too, that this was the mind of God.
So they recognized that, and then the question was put to her. Theirs was not a lengthy courtship. The day that they arrived, and she sitting on the camel, the servant, who is a picture of the Holy Spirit, had told her who she was to be united to.
And she lifted up her eyes, and she saw a man coming toward her. He lifted up his eyes, and behold, the camels were coming. She asked the servant, who is this who comes to meet me? It is my master. Tell you what, that very day, she lighted off her camel.
He came up to her. He knew who she was. Mr. Paisley said the reason that Isaac recognized her, he had never seen her. The reason was because she was wearing the garment that had been provided to her by Abraham.
That may be, maybe that's a little bit of his sanctified imagination. Sidney Maxwell used to tell us, use your imagination. Sometimes you'll come up with some good thoughts if you do. But at any event, that very day, she became his bride.
We're not told about any ceremony that they went through. He took her into his mother's tent, and she became his wife. Now, you can easily see why I put the label of the working of God in courtship on that.
I'm thinking also of Boaz and Ruth. We won't take the time to speak in detail about that, other than I'll point out to you how. That Ruth came in contact with Boaz, he took notice to her, and Ruth was content to wait on God to work it out.
She got counsel from her mother-in-law, from Nehemiah, and the time came when she became the wife of Boaz, and was she the grandmother of, the great-grandmother of David, grandmother of Jesse David's father.
Well, we could say more about that, but I should be done very shortly here. I've got a third label that I want to touch on, and that's the ways of God in courtship. And we read about Jacob and Rachel, and where did they meet?
They met at a well. Where is the place where young people should meet? Well, I personally am well pleased with what I have seen of young people who come to conferences, they become acquainted with other young people, they can be helpful to one another, I'm speaking now about boys with boys and girls with girls, and ultimately where the Word of God is being preached.
And you know as well as I do that water is a picture to us of the Word of God, and Isaac, or excuse me, the servants met Rebecca at a well, Jacob and Rachel met at a well, Moses and Zipporah met at a well.
One of the things that I hear sometimes is parents lamenting that the assembly that they're part of has so few young folks. But if you make the effort to get to conferences, there's great benefits to taking your children to conferences.
I remember I was speaking with a chap that came with me from Fridley today, and I was telling him how that when my wife and I were young and we had the family just around our knees and maybe partly grown, we always made it a point at conference time with local conferences to be back in Akron and be supportive of the assembly on those occasions.
Then I said to my wife, I said we'll make it up by going to more distant conferences, and we did. The Rockies are sitting here, and it was at more distant conferences that we met them, and the friendship between their family and ours was a great help to our children as they were growing up.
I met a young woman one time, and she was almost bitter about her circumstances. I'll never get to meet a young man. And she spoke to her sister-in-law, who already saved. Well, I found a young man in the assembly.
It's helpful for young people to find out that there are others who have similar circumstances and needs. I'm off on a bypass. Let's get back to the subject. At the conference is a good place to meet.
Now the ways of God in courtship never take your practices from the world around you. I'm thinking of Jacob and Rachel. Theirs was not a short courtship. I have observed sometimes when the relationship has been developing to the point where it's time to consummate it because a long courtship has the danger of getting into sin.
I won't say more about that. Just a few practical things yet, and I'll sit down because my time is up. Spiritual traits should be a top priority when you are looking for a partner in life. I have known of individuals, brethren in the Lord's work, who were crippled because they did not have a wife who was with them.
I didn't know when I went to the Lord's work about that danger. I don't want to tell you. I am very, very grateful for a wife that was fully supportive. You know what? When a man is commended to the work of God, it's husband and wife who are commended to the work of God.
Her role, oftentimes raising the children with father absent for some periods of time, her role is vital. I could say a lot more about that, but I'll pass on that. What additional traits should one look for when they're courting?
I want to tell you, maturity is vital. I remember watching our youngest when he started courting, and boy, did I notice him make a real change because he was facing the reality that he was going to have to provide for a wife.
He became much more down to earth and careful about the things that he did. There's another thing. To me, the most vital word of all in relationship between a man and his wife is communication. That begins in courtship.
Let me suggest to you as I finish, you need to discuss ahead of time your roles, the role of the husband, the role of the wife, your finances. I heard a woman say one time about her son, he was getting married.
I don't know what they're going to live on. I guess they'll live on love and sleep on a clothesline, but you follow what she was speaking about. Where are you going to live? We learned the hard way. Live close to the gospel hall.
We, for a portion of our young married lives, didn't, and we were glad when we got past that. What are the standards going to be in your home? And it's absolutely vital that parents are in agreement with one another.
So she grows up in one home, he grows up in a different home. They bring their values together, and that frequently can lead to some problems. Talk about that ahead of time. Be prepared for it. In fact, there's some things that you're going to face.
You'd better face them before the wedding day. Our oldest daughter, she became interested in a young man who lived in California and married him. But before she ever consented to write to him, she said to herself, I have to be prepared to leave Ohio and move 2 ,000 miles away, 2 ,400 miles away, and live in California.
Could I do that? And she resolved that before the time came. Now, you may have another problem that needs to be resolved if it's faced ahead of time. Then it will not become a major problem when you actually have to deal with it.
Courtship is a time for developing proper attitudes toward one another, respect and consideration and devotion and love. By the way, brethren, sisters, love is a choice. I mentioned about the ways of some cultures where the bride is picked out for the bridegroom.
They don't have the chance to develop that affection for one another ahead of time. But love is a choice. And sometimes it's a little hard to see how some individuals love other individuals that they're united to.
But love is a choice.