God's Formula for Forgiveness — Jim Van Gelderen

Joseph, Forgiveness, and the Deceitfulness of the Heart

Okay here in the book of Genesis, we're gonna go to Genesis 45. We're going to start here this morning. I want us to start with the message. That deals of course out of the life of Joseph. But it deals with the subject and I almost hesitate to mention the subject because as soon as I do.

Some of you out here are gonna just shut the message off. Not that you won't listen. Which you'll say? Oh, that's that's nice, but I'm not sure I need this. And the reason is is because We are our heart is so deceitful.

And we are so so easily do sometimes do we think that we've got something taken care of and that it that's what I want. To deal with this this morning is the subject of forgiveness. Now as soon as I mentioned that I'm sure many of us think well, you know I don't think there's anybody I need to forgive and that may be true for some in fact undoubtedly for some that is true.

But I have found as I've traveled the country there are a lot of dear Christians who think they've forgiven. But they haven't because they don't understand forgiveness. Now, let me illustrate it this way.

It was probably about three years ago to Labor Day picnic with my home church up in Menominee Falls. There was a man who had come evidently he had come with some people in our church. I can't even remember the family he came with.

I just remember he was at the picnic. He was visiting somebody there in the church. It was a relative and he came up to me. It's a brother van Gelderen. He said could I just take a few moments your time?

I've got a situation I need some counsel. I said sure we won't really do anything else and and of course you Try to by the grace of God you want to be a help if you can be and so now we began the conversation.

And he he began to relate a situation where his older brother had wronged him financially to the tune of ten thousand or more dollars, so it was a fairly a large chunk of money for for normal people and Somebody out here may have be a little more blessed than others.

But but anyway for him It was a large amount of money and his brother had had wronged him out of that amount of money and there's some other things That had happened and some some things that had been said and done that were very hurtful.

I Asked there's this question. I said well brother. Have you forgiven your brother? And he looked at me without hesitation. He said yes, I have. But as our conversation progressed I noticed every time he talked about his brother his lower lip would tremble.

Tears would come to his eyes. And I looked him in the eyes and I said brother. I said you may think you've forgiven your brother, but I'm here. I just want to tell you I don't believe you've forgiven your brother.

Now he was a humble man, and he he he's basically asked. Why do you think that and we began to deal with it? But you know friends so many times that's what happens you say well, well, how can I know whether or not I've really forgiven?

Marks of an Unforgiving Spirit

Okay, let's just go over some things before we get into the message to kind of help us understand if we really have forgiven. Okay, let me let's go on the thought of revenge. Obviously if there's any thoughts of revenge We have not biblically forgiven if you think about how you could get that person back or how you could hurt them like they hurt you.

Obviously you have not biblically forgiven, but let me just say that revenge takes on very subtle forms. For instance, are you glad you would never do anything bad to them? But are you glad when something bad happens to them?

It's a subtle form of revenge. Do you kind of wish that something bad will happen to them? Oh again? You wouldn't do it, but you're kind of hoping that somebody else will hurt them like you've been hurt by them.

That is a subtle form of revenge. Or how about this when their name is brought up and you're talking about this person? Do you do you kind of throw in some some things that put them in a negative light?

Kind of undermine their credibility very subtly. With the person that you're talking to that maybe thinks higher of them than you do. And so you subtly undermine them. Friends, I want to tell you that is a subtle form of revenge and it indicates you've not biblically forgiven and we could go down the list on this revenge thing because again our hearts deceitful and can can concoct all kinds of subtle ways that We really are wishing someone as bad or or perhaps even contributing to their credibility being undermined.

Well, okay. You say well, I really don't struggle with that one preacher. I think I'm okay there. Well, how about this? Is there still when you see the person what happens when you see the person do you conveniently avoid them.

Well, that's an indication that you possibly have not biblically forgiven or when their name is brought up. Like I mentioned a moment ago. Is there a rise? Do you like this brother in the illustration?

I gave a moment ago. Do you find your lower lip trembling? Do you find your that you know that that that emotion surging where you almost to fight back the tears that indicates? You've not you're not experiencing the grace of forgiveness in the case for most likely you have not forgiven or.

Or or when their name is brought up is that same rise there or or whatever so so that's. That can help us now one other thing that might be a help to to really indicating whether we've forgiven and this is a very Subtle thing and that is do you nurse the hurt?

You know when we nurse the hurt we have not forgiven in a moment. You're gonna see at the end of the message will explain why but you know, it's I don't understand it. But we do this as human beings. We have almost a sadistic glee in nursing hurt.

Keeping it alive. We don't want the hurt to die. You might be out here and say preacher. I would never wish them wrong. I would never wish that bad things would happen, but we keep the hurt alive. Don't we we nurse it like it is very important to us.

We review the hurt we go over the offense. We have all those emotions come back. When we were hurt, I want to tell you if you are nursing to hurt you have not biblically forgiven. Now hopefully this is jarred us out of our complacency and out of our thinking.

Well, I'm okay I think I've forgiven everyone because folks an unforgiving spirit as we're going to see in a few moments is Absolutely enormous in your Christian walk. For if you forgive men your their trespasses your Heavenly Father will also forgive your trespasses.

But if you forgive not men their trespasses neither will your father forgive your trespasses friends? It is very serious thing because when you harbor an unforgiving spirit what God is simply saying is that first John 1 9 doesn't work.

In other words as a believer There is no way to restore fellowship with God when we sin we stay out of fellowship with God. Why. Because when we harbor an unforgiving spirit God says he he will not forgive us.

It's a very serious thing. It keeps a believer from restoration of fellowship with his God. So understanding that Let's look at the life of a man who was wronged very bad or wrongly very badly. But yet he weathered the storm and you know, the amazing thing is Joseph.

We're going to see in a moment illustrates New Testament truth. And the amazing thing was he didn't have one book of the Bible. Well, that doesn't mean God didn't reveal himself to him. God did reveal himself to him and the reason Joseph knew what to do is because he knew his God.

Confidence in the Character of God

Now with that understanding folks, let's look at what I'm gonna call God's formula for forgiveness. We're gonna know three things out of the life of Joseph here. And before we continue, I want you to ask yourselves a question.

Have I been wronged worse than Joseph? Anybody out here ever been unjustly sold into slavery. Can I see your hands lights? Okay that we pass that one. Anybody out here been framed and thrown into prison.

Don't don't answer that one. If you have okay, don't raise your hand. I asked that one place and somebody raises their hand. I said, well, let's leave that one alone. But just move along here. Okay. But my whole point is you Joseph was really wronged.

13 years of his life were put in very Difficult into into a furnace a furnace of fire a trial as a result of his brother's wrong choice and Potiphar's wife's Decision to frame him and to be dishonest.

So we all recognize that Joseph suffered at the hands of human beings. Who did him wrong and Yet we find that Joseph did not get bitter and that you said well. How do we know that because the Bible says throughout it when he went to prison right after Potiphar's wife incident.

And when he was went to Potiphar's house right after he was sold to slavery. The Bible says the Lord was with him. The Bible says that he prospered. Which indicates very clearly that Joseph was in a place.

He who covers his sin shall not prosper. So we know very clearly that he was not covering sin. He had dealt with an unforgiving spirit. He was living in victory and as a result, of course, he can be an example for us this morning.

So we're gonna learn three things about forgiveness now I'm convinced one of the reasons we do not biblically forgive is not because we don't want to in some cases. It's because we really don't know how to.

Now let's notice before ever Joseph forgives. There's two things that precede it and this is our apps or in a certain sense. That are in a sense I should say are a part of it. Let's look if we could please at verse number three.

It says and Joseph said unto his brethren. This is Genesis 45 and Joseph said unto his brethren I am Joseph doth my father yet live and his brethren could not answer him for they were troubled at his presence and Joseph said unto his brethren come near to me.

I pray you and they came near he said I am Joseph your brother. I love this whom ye sold into Egypt noticed human responsibility. Now therefore be not grieved nor angry with yourselves that ye sold me hither.

Now notice he take he hinges now. For God did send me before you to preserve life verse 7 and God sent me before you to preserve you apostate in the earth. Now folks don't miss this the thing. I want you to see this morning is number one.

You must have confidence in the character of God. Yeah, now notice that Joseph right here he very clearly takes human responsibility. And he lays it at the brother's feet. He said you guys made a simple choice.

You sold me into slavery, but on the same breath. He puts human responsibility at the feet of his brothers. You see him he turns around and he says God sent me to Egypt. He understood divine sovereignty.

You know the amazing thing about this. I I'm sorry about that. I just good thing the thing fell off the Lord reminds you from time to time and Sound people if you forget to turn your microphone on every sound man is a little bit different technique.

You know, some of them will do jumping jacks some of them pray. Some of them hold up a big sign turn your mic on stupid. But anyway Our brother back there was very discreet and very careful. But when he did move to the soundboard, I figured something's not right.

Okay, I was thinking down there I remember need to turn on but we're all set now. I gotta remember where I was. Okay. Yes. We're in the middle of human responsibility divine sovereignty. You know folks, you don't amazes me about Joseph.

This guy has unbelievable theology. He didn't get him balanced on the human responsibility side. He didn't get him balanced on the divine sovereignty side. He said okay. These brothers sins sold me to slavery and yet God was Sovereign at all and he he had really unbelievable understanding here.

You know, the amazing thing he had never gone to seminary. Maybe that's why his theology was so good. We'll just leave that one alone. Okay. Might get us in trouble, but we'll just leave it alone. But you know Joseph this is what I absolutely love this because today we are and we are just living in a day when there's So much imbalance here, but Joseph had it he understood it.

He said you guys made a sinful choice, but he said you know what? He said my God was bigger than your sinful choice and folks. This is what I don't want you to miss. God is so great and God is so big that he can take the sinful choices of others that ill affect your life.

He can weave them into your life to accomplish the will of God without having anything to do with those people's sinful choice. God is big. I say that reverently. He is far bigger than we can imagine.

He is infinite and God the Bible says very clearly does not tempt us with evil. You mark it down. God didn't have to fit have a thing to do with those brothers murderous intent to sell their brother into slavery.

He didn't have a thing to do with it. But as far as the sin is concerned. But I will tell you that it didn't take him by surprise either. He took it and woven into Joseph's life to accomplish the will of God without having anything to do with those brothers sin now folks.

This is the thing I want to challenge you with this morning you know, you'll never really I'm convinced be able to forgive until you take the person that hurt you and put them in the hand of God and See them even with their sinful choices as an instrument in the hand of God to conform you to his image.

Now again, we recognize when people sin and it ill affects us. God doesn't have anything to do with their sin. But folks God is so great. He'll take it weave into our life to accomplish the will of God without having anything to do with their sinful act.

You know if that teaches me there's only one person who can get you out of the will of God. You know who that is you? Your mom can't get you out of the will of God. Your dad can't get you out of the will of God.

Your brothers your sisters. Cannot get you out of the will of God. Your children cannot get you out of the will of God. Your spouse cannot get you Out of the will of God. The only person who could get you out of the will of God is you.

So stop blaming everybody else see. So Joseph understood that and he understood that God took those brothers sinful choice. He wove it into his life to accomplish the will of God and he came to real rest in that so number one if we're going to have.

Going to be able to forgive you must have confidence in the character of God. Hide a young man who traveled with me. I've had literally scores. So I think hundred now hundred young men who traveled with me in 21 years they travel as team captains in our youth evangelistic ministry that we conduct and and Years ago.

I had a young man with me and when he was five years old. He heard a huge bang. No, five-year-old should have to see this but he opened his parents door and his father had just taken his life with a shotgun.

He was five years old. His father made a sinful choice. None of us in this room would all at all debate that. But you know that God is so good and God is so great that he took that father's sinful choice.

And he's woven into the my friend's life for good. My friend now has opportunity to go into public schools and speak on suicide. He said brother Jim, he said those kids he said it's the Lord, but he said those kids are in the palm of my hand.

He said well, I tell him about the blood-stained carpet. The fact we didn't have enough money to rip it up and we couldn't leave the the house because my we dead dad didn't leave Us anything and how my mom had to take the bed and move it over the blood-stained carpet.

He said he said the kids are gripped. Friends, that's a tragedy that occurred that young man's life. He could have gotten better. But instead he made a choice that God's big enough to work it together for good.

And you know my friend God has and I'm sure will continue to See the very first thing you must do if you're going to have be able to forgive this morning is you must have confidence in The character of God you must believe that no hot matter how badly you have been wronged that God is big enough to weave it Into your life to accomplish the will of God without having anything to do with that sinful act and I know there's tension there.

But there's always tension between human responsibility and divine sovereignty. That's where the truth is and that's we saw Joseph very clearly understood that the tension didn't bother him. So we must have confidence in the character of God number one number two go back to Genesis 45.

Doing Good to Those Who Hurt You

Let's look if you would please at verses 10 and 11 and thou shalt dwell in the land of Goshen and thou shalt be near unto me and thou and thy children and thy children's children and thy flocks and thy herds and all.

That thou hast and there will I nourish thee. Okay. Now folks look at this number one. You must have confidence in the character of God. But look at this these rascal brothers these ones who caused him 13 years of difficulty duress and trial.

What does he do? He does him good. You know, it's like he read the New Testament. It's like he understood Romans 12 19 through 21. In fact, let's go to Romans 12 19 through 21. Let's see it. Joseph is illustrating this just absolutely phenomenal.

In fact, we saw just a moment ago that Joseph Illustrated Romans 8 28. He believed that God would good work all things together for good. Now, let's go to Romans chapter 12. In fact, we're gonna see in the end of the book here in just a moment Genesis 50 the Romans 8 28 of the Old Testament Is found.

Let's go to Romans chapter 12. Look at verses 19 through 21. It says dearly beloved avenge not yourselves. But rather give place unto wrath for vengeance for it is written vengeance is mine. I will repay say it the Lord Revenge has no place in the life of a believer at all.

It is not our responsibility to get somebody back or wish that they get somebody hurts them like they hurt you. That is not our responsibility. God says I'll take a in fact the Lord modeled that as we obviously know the Bible says when he was on the cross in 1st Peter it says he's when he suffered he threatened not but committed himself to him that judges righteously.

In fact Joseph, we're gonna see in a moment in Genesis 50. He said shall not the judge of all the earth do right? Or excuse me. No, he said that was Abraham. He said to his brothers. He said am I in the place of God?

He said in other words, he's saying that's not my responsibility. It's not my responsibility to get you guys back. No, that's not my responsibility. Okay, so see very clearly that revenge has no place in the life of a believer.

But notice as a result of the fact that truth look at verse 20 therefore. If thine enemy hunger, what are we supposed to do feed him if he thirst give him drink for in so doing now. Should he pulls the coals of fire on his head be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with we all know this with one.

And that is exactly what Joseph did now. I recognize in the in the wicked culture in which we live. That there may be some out here and say, you know preacher I was wronged in such a way that I cannot be around the person that wronged me, you know friends.

We are living in such a wicked culture. That is true now. There are young people who are wronged in such a way that they cannot be around the person who wronged them for their own personal safety. Back years ago, my wife was counseling a young lady who was a missionary kid and her.

She had this is just tragic and break your heart. But on the mission field another missionary had taken advantage of her and she was very bitter. She said to my wife. She's with clenched teeth. I hope he dies and goes to hell.

Well, we can all understand with her anger, but you know friends. That's not the answer. Say well Rachel, what do you do in a situation like that? Well, the Bible does say this pray for them which despitefully use you.

And there's one thing that we all can do when we're hurt. There's one thing we all can do when we're wronged. In fact, we are commanded to do it and that is pray for them. Bottom line bare minimum, even if you can't be around the person who wronged you.

Bottom line bare minimum. We all can pray. If we've been despitefully used. Then we can pray. In fact, we are commanded to do so. You pray that they'll get saved pray that they'll get right with God pray that God will work in their life.

Pray that they'll be restored pray that. However, the situation may be that God will glory will be glorified. It'll be turned from. It's evil intent to its to good and on all those kind of things. But for many of us, that's not the case.

In fact, I would assume for most of us out here the issues of an unforgiving spirit are not in that realm. They do not deal with people. We cannot be around. They may be deal with people that we are around a lot.

And in that case we can do more than pray for them. Bible says do good. Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Years ago my grandmother and you're gonna hear a lot of stories about my grandmother.

That was my father's mother. She was a godly woman. She she was a remarkable woman. She went home to be at the Lord in 1989. She could pray like there are few people. I've heard pray like my grandmother.

I mean when she prayed she took you're right into the throne room. I mean she just you marched you're right in you knew you were in the presence of God. But anyway didn't happen overnight as it never does there's always a growth and part of the growth is a story.

I'm about to tell. When my grandmother was in her earlier years of marriage. She lived next to a sister-in-law. That was a very difficult to live next to the sister-in-law I think probably had mental problems.

She was off some she would come into my grandmother's house and she would steal things. It's not like she'd take them down to the flea market and sell them. She'd put them in her house. Unashamedly just display him.

So, you know my grandmother would come walking through the house. Oh, oh, there's my base kind of wonder where that was. You know that kind of thing. She'd go into my grandmother's garden my grandmother was meticulous gardener and and down in Miami Ford and she'd have all these things and this sister-in-law would come in and Transplant some of the flowers and take them next door and plant them in her yard.

My grandmother get up, you know walk out in the yard and oh wow those flowers used to be over here now. They jump the fence. Let's be a new species. What you say preacher? What did she do? She had to struggle.

She's a human being like the rest of us. She did struggle. But you know what a remedy was When she really began to struggle and she knew she needed victory. She would go into the kitchen and she'd bake a pie.

You remember the good old days when grandmothers knew how to bake pies? There may be a few left in this congregation, but I'm afraid the microwave grandma is almost upon us. But anyway. My grandmother would go into the house and she'd bake a pie and and you know, it'd be the golden brown.

You know, the pie filling would still be bubbling, you know the steam coming off. She'd take it next door, of course, it's Miami, Florida, so you don't have to put the you know, the towel over it. It was hot enough, you know.

And so so she'd she'd take it next door. She'd knock on the door, you know. And the sister-in-law to open the door and she'd hand the pie to the sister-in-law said well I just want to tell you how much I love you.

You know, my grandmother never became bitter. She baked a lot of pies, but she never became bitter. Be not overcome evil, but overcome evil with. You say well preacher I can't even imagine that I got such anger toward that person.

I just sit so far, you know friends you have not experienced grace yet. Because grace is supernatural that's why I brought up all those things that I did earlier on in the message because if you're if you have that rise in your Heart that lower lip trembles and those tears come to the eyes.

You are not experiencing grace. And when you properly forgive you will experience grace. Supernatural help from heaven by the spirit of grace. Oh. See it clearly number one. You must have confidence in the character of God number two.

Releasing the Debt and Learning from Joseph

You must do good to those that hurt you and number three go to Genesis 50. Would you do that? Genesis 50 will go all the way back to Genesis. And let's go the last chapter. We'll go five or six chapters now into the future.

Joseph's father has died and as a result of that He and his brothers go to the to the promised land there they bury him they return to Egypt and we're gonna read in verse number 14 what happens when the brothers and Joseph return and Joseph returned into Egypt he and his brethren all that went with him up to bury his father after that.

He had buried his father and when Joseph's brethren saw that their father was dead. They said Joseph will peradventure hate us and will certainly requite us all the evil which we didn't have no question.

How many people out here think that Joseph was just waiting for daddy to die so he could get back at the brothers anybody. Well, we all know. I mean we're thinking come on guys. I mean good grief. How could you think that about Joseph?

Have you ever wondered about this? This is this should puzzle us because we're not thinking this we're not thinking. Oh good. You know Jacob's gone now he can get him. No, we're not thinking this why we know Joseph better than the brothers do.

What's the problem here? The problem is folks that we all have a tendency to view life through our own. Our own way of thinking so what this simply means is this is exactly what the brothers would have done if they were in Joseph's shoes.

Yeah, this is exactly what they would have done. You know sometimes friends were the same way. Are you the kind of person that's kind of always walk around looking behind your back thinking who's talking about me?

I know somebody's talking about me. Do you know why people say that because they talk about other people. That's exactly what they do. Well, the amens have dried up now. We really that one brother. We just ruined the meeting.

Okay, that's ruined the meeting. But anyway. Well that we'll just leave that one aside. Okay. And we'll keep going here. And verse number 16 and they sent a messenger in the Joseph saying thy father did command before he died saying So shall you say in the Joseph forgive?

I pray thee now the trespass of thy brethren in their sin for they didn't of the evil and now we pray they forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father years later now notice Joseph's response and Joseph wept when he spake unto them.

Now we're gonna come back to his weeping and what that means in a moment, but notice what Joseph says. Because it reemphasizes some of the things we've just learned. He says verse 18 the brethren also went fell down before his face and they said behold we be their servants and Joseph said unto them fear not for am I in the place of God you see friends?

He had committed he had just like the Lord Jesus. He had committed the issues to him who judges righteously. He said am I in the place of God? That's God's responsibility. It's not mine. It is not my responsibility to repay you guys.

It is not my responsibility exact vengeance. God will make sure everything comes out. All right He says but as for you He thought evil against me. But God meant it unto good to bring to pass as it is this day to save much people alive friends.

That's the Romans 828 of the Old Testament. We all say it in paraphrase. He meant it for evil, but God meant it for good so there it is and so Joseph is reiterating and look what he says there in verse 21 fear not for I Will nourish you.

He reemphasizes the fact I'm gonna do you good. But let's go back. To their asking his forgiveness and Joseph's almost strange response. He doesn't say I forgive you. He weeps. Why do you think he wept.

No folks don't miss this. I'm convinced he wept because he forgiven him a long time ago. He'd crossed that bridge a long time ago. Now we're gonna have to deal with we could please for what I've understand that I'm not a student of these kind of things.

But I've kind of picked up. There's a little bit of debate Among the on the forgiveness issue and I'm just gonna throw out just a few thoughts on it kind of help us resolve some of The tension. There's one school of thought that says well, let me before we get to the schools of thought.

Let me quote the verse that is the New Testament verse that kind of we work off of here. And if you know the verse, would you quote it with me? Ephesians 4 32 and be a kind one to another. Tender-hearted forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake have forgiven you.

Now friends God says that we're supposed to forgive others how just like God forgives us for Christ's sake. So there's one school of thought and a certain sense. I understand what they're saying. They'll say now listen, we really can't forgive somebody until they ask because God doesn't forgive us until we ask.

Okay, I say, okay I see that another says no. No. You need to forgive or you're gonna harbor that bitterness inside and so you need to forgive whether or not they ask in your own Heart you need to forgive.

You said we'll put you what's your thought? Well, obviously there's a little bit of truth in both of them. But there's one there's one issue that I think sometimes is overlooked and that is we're supposed to forgive like God forgives.

Well, it's only one problem in our understanding and that is we're finite but he's infinite and the Bible says in Psalm 86 don't miss this that God is ready to forgive. Think about this folks we can say this.

Hypothetically, he can you imagine today you blow it? You maybe you say an unkind word to someone in your house and you go before the Lord and say Lord I was wrong. Would you forgive me and the Lord says, you know?

I'm get tired of your coming to me and I'm gonna have to think about this for 24 hours. And then maybe I'll forgive you does God do that? Oh. The devil does that? But God doesn't do that. In fact, it makes us a little nervous to even think it.

Here's a lost sinner going saying Lord save me. I'm a I'm a sinner the Lord says well you are pretty bad. I'll think about it a week. Get back to you now friends. It's almost borders on sacrilege to even think it.

Why? Because we know God's ready to forgive. Now some of us out here. Unfortunately, listen far more to the accuser. Who accuses the integrity of God and some of us act like God thinks that way the devil does and he will accuse you.

But God doesn't. He's ready to forgive. You can rest in the fact that God is ready to forgive now folks. He's infinite and he can be ready to forgive any of us at any time. But you know, we're finite and the only way I can if you have anything different.