God's Purpose in Marriage - and at Present — Zac Poonen

God's Purpose in Marriage and the New Covenant Standard

Okay, we were thinking about how God ordained it in the beginning. There are many things in the New Covenant. Where God's purpose is to lead us? Actually beyond the beginning That means what? Adam and Eve were In the time they were created was Much less.

Then where Christ brings us when he Fills us with his Holy Spirit in the New Covenant. So even if you get back to where Adam and Eve were you haven't got to where Christ was. There are God. It's not just that when Adam sinned he dipped down and Christ brought us back to that level that itself would have been great.

But Christ has taken us to a much higher level than where Adam was in Genesis 1 and 2. If we don't see that we'll just be satisfied with that. Today the example for us is not Adam and Eve, but it's Jesus Christ and the church that relationship is our example.

So that's a much higher standard. But there are certain principles that we were looking at and Here let's turn back to Genesis 2. I mentioned how God Created a woman to be a helper for Adam and Like someone has said God didn't take Eve out of Adam's head or bone in the head because he didn't want her to rule him.

And he didn't take her out of a bone in his feet. Because he didn't want him to rule her but he took her from a rib on the side so that He would always recognize that she is equal to him. But there are certain principles he laid down.

Have you ever wondered why there's a verse like this? In First of all before I come to that Notice it says in verse that before God made Eve God made even the latter part of the sixth day. The first part of the sixth day he made the animals.

See on the fifth day. He made all the fish and the birds. But why didn't he make the animals also the earth animals on the fifth day? He could have done it fish birds animals, but he didn't you notice that you notice it if you read the Bible.

Slowly right on the fifth day. He made the fish and the birds and on the sixth day. He made the animals in the first part of the sixth day and The second part of the sixth day. It's all in Genesis 1. He made man and I think the reason was to tell man.

It's very easy for you to descend to the level of the animals if you're not careful because you're made from the same dust that they are made from. But in that after God made Adam we read here just in those few hours before he made Eve.

It says here Genesis 2 19 Out of the ground. He made all the beasts birds and he brought them all to the man and asked man to name them and The man gave names verse 20 to all the cattle to the birds to every beast of the field now Any zoologist will tell you how many is it hundreds of thousands of?

Animals and birds that are. Imagine if you were asked to give names to everything, but I think you would forget after whether you're repeating something after you even done 25 minutes. It shows what a fantastically intelligent person Adam was.

And God created him before sin came into the world just think of his capacity there his brain. Well, this is the hundred and fifty thousandth name I'm giving and I know I have not said this name before in the last 149 ,999 times and then he still doesn't have a wife and the interesting thing is the way this is written man gave names to all the cattle in the birds of the sky to every beast but Let me read it like this.

None of them were suitable to be a helper for Adam. That's the way It says that means Adam is saying hey these guys these animals have all got pairs. I'm the only one all alone and How's that none of them were suitable.

Adam looked at all of them Said no, no. What about that beautiful lioness? No, thank you. And after he said no to all of that. Then God gave him his wife. So remember he had seen what 200 ,000 animals and birds and he said no to all of that and Then he finds this then God says, okay.

What about this one and in the Living Bible? It's beautifully paraphrased in Genesis 2 23. He says this is it. This is it he's rejected a hundred and fifty thousand or two hundred thousand or a million.

I don't know how many there are. And he said this is it. Now what I want to say is Have you ever said that about your wife? This is it. Not on the other 200 ,000 I've met but this one and Do you continue to say that later on even if you did say that on your wedding day?

You know, there are many people who ask me in different fully in Indian churches. Brothers, that was your marriage and love marriage as if it's one of the biggest crimes in the world. I say yes, it was sure I said this is it and Even if you didn't You should say when you get married and continue to say It's very important to have that appreciation Which Adam had right at the beginning which he lost pretty quickly.

He lost it so quickly that in a day or so. He was blaming the same wife for leading him into sin and there you see the difference between Unfallen Adam fallen Adam. He looks at his wife before he felt that this is it boy.

It's better than everything I ever saw as soon as he falls To get out of trouble. He tells Adam my wife. She's the one to blame This wife you gave me as in blaming God for giving you see how from light to darkness He went so suddenly in his relationship with his wife.

That's what sin does. Don't ever forget that. So sin is the thing that makes you stop appreciating The husband or wife God gives you it's not a crime to Love your wife or husband. I had a piece of poetry here which Let me read it to you amid the cares of married life in spite of toil and business strife.

If you value your sweet wife Tell her so there was a time When you thought it bliss to get the favor of one kiss a Dozen now won't come amiss tell her so That shocking. Do Indian husbands kiss their wives or expect a kiss from their wives?

You know a lot of our Thinking I want to tell you is influenced by the non-christian surroundings of India. That's the problem. Read the song of Solomon. Okay, don't act as if she's past her prime. That's for those Whose wives are getting older as?

Though to please her what a crime. If ever you loved her now's the time tell her so you're hers and hers alone. Well, you know that she's all your own. Don't wait to carve it on a stone. Tell her now.

Never let her heart grow cold. Richer beauties will unfold. She is worth her weight in gold. Tell her so this business of Appreciation is another area where we as Indian people are big misers. We are so Careful to give appreciation to anybody we never give it even.

I mean we'd say to a doctor who Did some wonderful surgery or treatment to save our child from certain death boy. We'd never hesitate to say that but so many other things we take for granted. Somewhere let me see if I can find it.

I had written here About. I don't know if it's here, but maybe I can't find it immediately, but I had Copied down from somewhere the number of hours of wife works in her lifetime In our house cooking meals.

It's on 10 ,000 hours of something I had and she walks about 10 ,000 miles in the house during a lifetime. It's all for you. So we don't appreciate that imagine a person who walks so many miles of in a few years and Vice versa.

I mean look at the way husband slogs in the office works bosses shouting at him, etc. And it's for a family the need for appreciation and We I've noticed that in the way people sometimes Come to appreciate Me for a sermon.

They always introduce themselves saying brother. I hope this won't fuck you up. You know, this is the introduction. You know, I'm not trying to swell your head. I'm trying to flattery and after about two minutes of introduction, there's one sentence you appreciate the message I said what's the need for all that introduction as if you're so concerned that other people shouldn't be puffed up.

You know other people are not like you brother. They don't get puffed up like you. They've learned to walk in humility. They're a little different. They're a little better. Why not acknowledge that they're not all like you.

Then you want to appreciate just go and say appreciate just like Jesus appreciated the military Roman military man. You know that man who said I know speak the word and my servant will be healed over there.

Matthew chapter 8. What did the Lord say? He didn't say well, I don't want to pop you up. I know you're a military man and you're probably used to this, but I just don't want you to be swollen headed.

But I want to say that this is the greatest faith. I found in Israel. Did he say like that? We are most on Christ like. Because we don't know how to express appreciation he looks at Nathanael and says there's a man without God.

No introduction nothing. No, will he get puffed up nothing like that? To the Roman centurion a blessed are you Simon bar Jonah? Flesh and blood is not revealed to you. Brother sister forget all introductions and just say I really appreciate.

That spirit of this is it. God gave me something which I don't deserve. Towards your husband and wife. There's almost nothing better than that to preserve a marriage in the way it should be. Otherwise you'll be.

Admiring other pretty women. It's very true. What the proverb beauty is skin deep. When you see a pretty woman. Just imagine what she looked like when this flesh is taken away from her face. Think of that.

There's nothing left it's only skeleton hideous and I remember one person Calling this just an interesting arrangement of molecules. That's what a pretty faces, you know chemistry all. All matter is made up of molecules.

You just arrange it a certain way and it's an ugly place. You're in yet another way. It's a pretty face. It's an interesting arrangement molecules. So whenever a man there's a person who whenever he saw pretty woman and said that's an interesting.

So You're pretty stupid. If you say ha this is if it were arranged like this, I wouldn't look at it. But if it's a ring like this boy, it's great. The stupidity of man. Is amazing how he would destroy?

What God has given him a beautiful relationship and marriage for? Something which one day he'd see is all empty. So never lose that sense of this is it. Always appreciating, you know in Malachi. There's a beautiful verse which I often think of Malachi chapter 2 the verse 14.

The Lord has been witness. He says in verse 13 the last part. It's no use weeping tears before the Lord because he doesn't accept your offering like Peter says he doesn't listen to your prayer anymore because.

What reason because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously? Though she's your companion and your wife by covenant. But those who have a remnant of the Holy Spirit, they don't do it verse 15.

They are in the business of producing verse 15 the middle godly offspring. So take heed to your spirit that no one deals treacherously with the wife of your youth. Why does he use that expression twice the wife of your youth the wife of your youth?

That's because what the Lord is trying to say is that You must always look at your wife the way she was when she was young when she was a youth. When she was young and that's important that we keep that in mind always think of your wife as the wife of your youth when.

Whenever I look at my wife, I said she's the wife of my youth my favorite picture of her. When something taken when she was around 25 or 26 years old, I mean the gray hair. Just a fact of nature the wife of your youth always look at your wife is the wife of your youth.

Then you won't have be attracted to anybody else. You preserve yourself in that and God to be with you. He listened to your prayers. Many of our prayers don't get answered. Because you're not faithful in your thoughts.

To the wife of your youth you could have been a man of God today. But God saw you were treacherous to your wife in your thought life. I often tell people the way you talk to some women in your office maybe you don't even touch them, but.

Would you continue to speak to her in the same way if your wife walked in at the same time? If not There's sexual infidelity. Even though you didn't touch her. There's a lot of sexual infidelity in the way.

Men talk to women in their place of work or other places. It's they have been treacherous to the wife of their youth and that's the reason why we don't have more men of God in the pulpits. Because God is not with them.

The tragedy men who should have been anointed by the Spirit who are not. Because they're unfaithful in their married life. So I'd encourage you brothers sisters brothers be Faithful with your eyes be faithful with your thoughts always have that.

Said out of a hundred and fifty thousand or a million God picked out one. This is it. And always look at her as the wife of your youth. It's God has really chosen her for you and appreciate that there may be Weaknesses in her there are weaknesses in you.

The perfect husband. Is who the one who does not expect a perfect wife? The perfect wife is the one who does not expect to have a perfect husband. That's the perfect husband. The one who expects a perfect partner is an imperfect person himself.

So the wife of your youth. This is very very important Ezekiel, you know that Ezekiel was a great husband. Can you tell me the verse that teaches about Ezekiel's attitude towards his wife. You would have known it if you had read the Bible slowly.

Okay. In Ezekiel the Lord speaks to him about chapter 24. You know, his wife was going to die. It's about the only place in the whole book where his wife is mentioned and his wife is going to die and The Lord was going to do it the Lord is going to take away his wife, but he warned him in advance.

But see what he says in Ezekiel 24. Verse 15 the word of the Lord came to me saying we're 16 son of man. I'm gonna take away from you. What does he call his wife the desire of your eyes? To the blow. What a testimony I Say Lord.

Can you say to me that my wife is the desire of my eyes? This is God speaking. God knew that Ezekiel was such a faithful husband with his eyes. Then Some of us Glory in the fact that we have not sexually been in unfaithful to our wives.

What about your eyes brother? Can God say to you? I can testify your wife is the desire of your eyes. You could have been a prophet If you were just faithful in that area. People know God doesn't give that gift only to somebody.

Well, I'll tell you what he gives it to those who are faithful to their eyes. That's why I didn't give it to you perhaps the desire of your eyes. God takes these things seriously. He doesn't listen to your prayers.

He says because you're dealt treacherously. So this is it is a very important thing. Okay, let's go back to the beginning again. Genesis 2 verse 24. Because verse 23 she was taken out of the man a man must leave his father and his mother and Cleave to his wife.

You know, it's very interesting as to where that a couple of things here one. Why in the world is that verse come in Genesis 2 when Adam didn't have a father and mother? Adam didn't have a father and mother to leave.

Why does that verse come there. Because it was a principle that God laid down for all future marriages ever after Adam and Eve everybody else would have a father. And it was not written for Adam but they had to leave their father and mother and It's something like the best example whenever you have a doubt is look at Jesus.

You see what there was a day in Jesus life when he left his mother. Then you understand what leaving means and his mother told him to do something in Cana right the very first He said woman. What do I got to do with you?

It's that attitude. I'm sorry I'm not in a new relationship with My father in heaven and I have to fulfill his ministry and I can't Do what you say like I did for 30 years. No, and That it must have been a shock to Mary who had sacrificed so much.

You know Mary sacrificed more for Jesus than any mother has ever done for child she bore the stigma of Having a what people thought was a Illegitimate child, but she bore that stigma and Yet Jesus would turn to her saying Don't try to interfere in my life.

I can't Listen to you anymore. I believe there comes a time when Our we need to take that position with our parents when we get married both husband and wife. You see it doesn't say that the wife has to leave our father and mother.

Well, it's true in one sense. But Jesus and the scriptures are written in a culture Genesis written by Moses and God speaks in a situation where It was commonly accepted that a woman left like an Indian culture and the woman leaves her parents home and comes to her Husband as soon as she's married.

She takes her husband's name and everything else. Things are changing because the world is drifting away from God. But that detachment is necessary from both sides. In fact in Psalm 45 and verse 10 It says to the bride of the king Forget your father's house.

So there is a word there for the women to forget your father's house social the king greatly desire your beauty verse 11 Psalm 45. So there has to be a leaving From both sides husband and wife if there has to be a cleaving.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother Genesis 2 24 and clean to his wife. Why is that it says for this cause verse 24 for this cause? Because Verse 23 she was taken out of the man. Therefore So he was taken out of Adam his rib part of him bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.

You know that even a mother cannot say that about her own child. Even though she carried her for nine months in the womb. She cannot say this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I mean she contributed a little Egg and some nourishment for nine months, but it wasn't an integral part of her body.

It was another body being supplied. But he was not like that. He was an actual bone of Adam's body made into. That's why it says bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh now bone of my bone verse 23 flesh of my flesh.

Because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man must leave his father and mother. In other words the Relationship there is supposed to be closer deeper than The one we had with our parents. That's why the relationship between Christ and the church is not Symbolized by father son, but my husband wife and Ephesians 5 and there you see what a intimate relationship God wants husband and wife to have and There has to be a detachment from other attachments.

That's the principle of Leaving father and mother. It doesn't mean we have to ignore them because Jesus did not ignore his mother even when he was hanging on the cross. He had four younger brothers and two younger sisters who could have well taken care of Mary.

But he still knew he's the eldest son. He's got a responsibility while hanging on the cross with all that agony and suffering. He's thinking of his mother. It's good to be like that in the midst of all your suffering.

We think of your parents who cared for you and helped you both husband and wife. So you see the balance in Jesus. He didn't tell his parents. I got nothing to do with you. He cared for them in the moment of his greatest agony.

He was totally selfless, but he would not let them interfere in his ministry. That's the point. He didn't tell his mother I don't care for you. What he told his mother was please don't interfere in my ministry.

But of course, I'll care for you when I'm dying. I'll provide for you and I'll make sure that one of my disciples takes care of you to Make sure that your parents are well taken care of both husband and wife is a responsibility.

They took care of you when you were helpless a helpless baby. You would have died if they didn't take care of you and me. So take care of your aged parents. That's necessary provide for them. If they are in need financially you must help them.

But leaving then what does it mean. Leaving is emotional, you know many cases in India. Sometimes people are so poor that they cannot physically leave. They may have to just live in one room in their parents house due to financial necessity.

But even there it's possible to emotionally leave Without Having physically to leave. I mean there are people some of us Maybe well off most of us are or all of us perhaps well off enough to have our own home.

Because we earn enough. But there are many in the villages in India who are poor. Who cannot afford to leave their own home. We don't despise them. God trained me for working in the villages of India by Having to stay by having been very poor the first three years of our married life first of all and At least a couple of those years.

I found I had to stay with my parents. I quit my neighbor job. I had no income extremely poor and There was no other way and I didn't understand it wasn't easy. And I don't recommend it to anyone but I didn't realize then God was Training me and preparing me not to despise poor people in the villages in India who are in that situation.

But if you are Staying with parents just to make more money You may not get that much grace. We were not staying with our parents because we had no money at all but That's an important principle that even if you have to live with your parents you must not be emotionally attached to them.

Because parents particularly our Indian parents have a tremendous way of interfering in Married couples life. It's traditional Non-christian Indian culture which Christians have absorbed To interfere in the affairs of their parents and for Children to consult their parents more than they consult their husbands or wives.

That is corrupt culture. I Don't say Western culture is right. Western culture is just as bad. These are two cliffs. Christian culture is in between. I Don't follow Western culture. I think it's rotten to the core.

It's like every culture in the world. There's a Christian culture which is in the Bible. That's what I seek to follow. And that's balanced. So that requires a leaving and a cleaving and if you find today that your cleaving is not pretty tight and good.

It's perhaps for your leaving. It's not good. You may have physically left your parents, but emotionally you're attached to them. And if you take the side of your parents against your wife or against your husband boy.

That's the clearest proof that you're attached to your parents. You may find situations like that where God shows you. You'll never have a happy marriage because you're attached to your parents. Are you?

Love them care for them. Even if you're dying on a cross. Provide for your parents like Jesus did but don't be attached to them. You have to break that connection. It's like a when you say I've been so close to them all these years.

I can't give that up. It's like when a baby is born the mother says no, no, no, don't cut that umbilical cord. It's been there nine months. We've been attached to each other. Don't cut it. Please don't cut it.

Keep it. Keep it. Keep it. What will happen to that baby? It'll die and so will your marriage die. You have to cut that umbilical cord and some people haven't cut it for years. And they are wondering why their marriage is dying.

It'll keep dying till it dies permanently. Till one day you decide the umbilical cord that ties you to your parents has to be cut. So. And then you'll be able to bless your parents more. Sometimes it's hard To tell your parents who've done so much for you.

Dad mom. See we want to run our own life. Please allow us to do that. We love you respect you tremendously. I love you. You've done so much for me. I'll never be ungrateful, but the Bible says I'm gonna run my own way.

Don't let them bring up your children. Don't let them tell you how your children should be brought up. Grandparents ruined. Grandchildren. Unless they are very wise grandparents, which you may find one.

In a billion there may be about seven on the whole earth. That means Very rare, I think I'm one of the seven. I'm not being proud. Because I've decided to obey the Bible cover to cover. That's the only reason as I do not interfere in the lives of my married children one bit.

No, it's like I got a lot of training in the churches we planted. I'd go to those churches and sit on the floor and never interfere in the way they're running. I see this now that I mean once upon a time we started this church whether it's to to go in or Quotium or anywhere, but I said there are other elders.

How they're running it my job is to sit on the floor and do what they tell me to do. So I got a lot of practice for that and that's exactly what I do now when I visit my children's homes. Dear brothers and sisters don't let outside forces come in destroy your marriage.

Leaving Competing Attachments to Cleave to One's Spouse

You can cleave if you leave it may not be. As you say, I don't. I'm not attached to Father and mother. I'll tell you you may be attached to your computer. Have you heard of computer widows? Therefore shall a man leave his computer and clean.

I Don't mean neglect it. You need it for survival probably that's the means of earning your living. That's fine. Go ahead and do it, but don't get so attached to it. I have to keep saying that to myself many times.

We have to you know, particularly those of you who are Working away from home. I've had the privilege of being able to work from home. So if I work at the computer quite a lot to the emails and various things.

But still I'm at home all the time. There's a lot of opportunity to Interact with my wife, but those of you are working away from home 70 hours, you know traveling coming back almost 12 hours away from home then try your best to To leave your computer and to leave your wife it could be something else, you know, leave your cricket game or Whatever it is that you've got a tremendous attachment to that's taking away from time with your wife.

There are necessities and there are things which are luxuries we can afford To do without that extra. You know this I'll tell you this internet is one of the greatest snares. If you're not careful, I'm not talking about pornography.

That's absolutely evil. I'm talking about all the other information that we can go searching looking for and browsing and things like that. These are for people who have Plenty of time. You have nothing to do I mean with all these I don't know what they call those sites facebook and things like that.

If you're spending more time with the bible than with facebook have it. But if you find you're spending more time with facebook than the bible brother. You better seriously consider whether you're a born-again christian or not.

That's all I say. I'm saying keep these things in their proper place. Keep them as servants. Don't let them ruin you. Everybody in the world doesn't know what you're doing or what you had for breakfast or things like that.

Which is a stupid thing. They're writing all these blogs and whatnot. A lot of you know. The devil has got a lot of things by which to sidetrack people from being effective for god and it's not always with sin.

And having a good married life take time. With your wife, you know, it's. Spending time with your wife is like putting a little bit of money in a bank. One day in time of trouble it'll help you. It'll Save you from a lot of conflicts with your wife, you know, if you have a large reserve of money in your bank account.

Suddenly, there's a big need you have enough to draw on. Who are the people who have clashes with their wife those who have never spent any time in previous years making any deposits? Of time spent together and.

Then suddenly there's a clash there's nothing in the bank account. It's just clash. Now don't think oh brother. Zack. He's done this wonderful thing all 41 years. No, I started as a stupid idiotic husband 41 years ago and I had to learn the hard way because I didn't have anybody to sit and talk to me like i'm talking To you now I wish I had I longed for a spiritual father when I was a young man.

I never got. The great man I admired in india were sadhu sundar singh and brother buck singh both of whom did not have family lives. And I could follow. I said who's the family man I can follow. Who's serving the lord?

I couldn't find one who could be an example so I sort of struggled through this to defeat and the mire of defeat and failure and anger and Selfishness and not knowing but gradually I found my way through this maze.

As I understood the scriptures more and more and said lord, I want to follow this. I want to live a godly life On earth. I want to fulfill your purpose for me my personal life my family life. And I can honestly say what i'm saying is absolutely true in my life today.

It's wonderful. Our life is wonderful my personal life. I really know what it is to walk with the lord, but it's taken many years but what I want to say is for many of you who have the benefit of. You know, they say if somebody else already invented the wheel.

You don't have to reinvent the wheel that's already been invented. You can get the benefit of that and move on from there we can move on from the Advantages we got through somebody else having gone through something.

I mean, for example, I don't have to invent the computer today. It's already there. We can move on to something else. And many other things like that. I mean we get the benefit of all these fantastic programs.

There are on a computer which many others have labored and which 50 years ago when they couldn't have which is so useful for me. So we are benefiting in our secular life in our family life for the use of a car.

For example somebody invented the car over 100 years ago, which we are very thankful today so we must get the benefit of. What we can learn from other people who've gone the hard way. And learn some things that we don't have to make those mistakes again so if I tell you that.

Well I took so many years after I got married to really understand what these things are. You don't have to take that long. It's like somebody's saying uh, it took Me 25 years to discover the silicon chip.

Because the computer is made from you don't have to spend that time now. You can just take it straight away. Somebody has already invented it. So we don't have to go through the many years of defeat that somebody else went through.

Uh, because now we have the truth shall set you free. We are very blessed. So learn these things and value them. I'll tell you this the number one problem in India is that people don't leave. And they try to clean there's something they not leave.

Which is more important to them than their wife. Something that they spend so much time on it must be so perfect and all that no time there. I'll tell you something even neatness and tidiness in your home, though.

It's a very valuable thing is not as important as happiness in the home. I don't know whether you believe that. No, it doesn't matter if your home is a little untidy if you're both happy. Neatness and tidiness is good.

Very often it's more for the sake of others that they don't come to a cluttered up sitting room at least. And also, it's a luxury that. People who have who have grown up children Can have or people are no children can have people who small children don't have that luxury about the neat tidy.

And so even that is not as important as fellowship with your partner. Remember that have your priorities, right? To work is essential because otherwise you won't be able to pay the rent. You won't be able to pay the bills.

You won't be able to have a home at all. So there's certain things essential like having to go to work. But then there are a lot of other things we got to knock out in life in order to Be able to be together with our partners.

Take time. Fellowship. Cleaving fellowship companionship is the number one purpose of marriage. And then they shall become one flesh the sexual relationship also is a Very essential part of what god has said right at the beginning.

It's not a sort of a. And it's not only for the purpose of children having children because if it was only for the purpose of having children then Um. A woman should be able to become pregnant any day of the year, but you know, it's not true.