The Godly Family - Part 1 — Paul Washer

Again, I'd like to ask Brother Paul Washer just to address, how do we go about presenting the gospel to children, whether they're our own children or in a children's ministry situation? It's going to be right here in this place in about a week and a half.

How do we do that without watering down the gospel? That's what I've seen happening. Brother Paul. Thank you.

The Gospel Must Not Be Watered Down for Children

One time someone asked me, how do you preach the gospel to a tribe, a primitive tribe in the jungle? And I said, I don't. I preach the gospel to men. Men are the same everywhere. The gospel should be the same everywhere.

And even with regard to age, it's the same thing. I would not let my children attend probably 95 of the Sunday schools in the churches today. I would not let my children attend. I would be terrified.

Because some well-meaning teacher would get in there and say, how many of you little children want to go to heaven? They'd all raise their hand. How many of you would like to ask Jesus into your heart?

They'd all raise their hand, or most of them. How many would like to pray with me? Most of them would raise their hand and pray with the teacher. All of it thoroughly unbiblical. There's no biblical grounds for it whatsoever.

Not only is there no biblical grounds for it, there's no historical grounds for it. The church never did that type of thing. Child evangelism is extremely important. I'm not against it. I do it all the time.

I'm just against the way children are evangelized today because it's not biblical. And what happens? In the end, you have the child kind of stays under a little bit of the tutelage of their parents. Then when they start feeling their oats about 15, 16 years old, things like that, they start getting into drugs and alcohol and immorality and leaving the church and everything.

And then their parents go to them and say that you're a Christian. You shouldn't act this way. That in itself is also unbiblical. The biblical approach would not be to go to that young person and say you're a Christian.

You shouldn't act this way. The biblical approach would be even though you made a profession of faith, since you are acting this way, all the evidence points to the fact that you were never truly converted.

Now, how do you present the gospel to two children? Well, first of all, there are other things that need to be considered. Most people really don't spend a lot of time with their children and are not the primary educators of their children.

And the children are influenced by so many other people. It's like even at this camp. I prayed when I came to this camp. And I'm watching my children like a hawk because they're 10 and 8 and 4. All there has to be is one perverted young boy here whose parents have allowed them to watch too much filth, get along with my children and tell them things that my children should not know.

After all, that's the way most of you learn bad things. You didn't learn them from your parents. You were turned over to young people and allowed just to run with them. So it's not just thinking about evangelism.

It's a whole mindset. First of all, number one mindset. The father is the number one preacher, discipler, trainer of the children. If you're not willing to assume that role, you should have never married.

You should have never married. If I were to go to your church and I were to say this, how many men are purposefully, systematically throughout the week discipling their wives? How many men are purposely and systematically discipling their children?

Almost no man would raise his hand. And no one would think that too bad. People might even laugh a little bit about it. But then if I said, OK, as the new pastor, the first thing I'm going to do is cancel your Sunday school and I'm going to cancel your youth group, you'd fire me.

And you're just like the Pharisees of whom Jesus said, you will annul the commandments of God for the sake of your traditions. Your tradition is to have someone else teach your children. The commandments of God in the Old and New Testament is that the father teaches children.

And if the father says, I'm not equipped to do that, then he should be ashamed. He should be ashamed. He should have never, whoever his wife's father was, that father should have never allowed his daughter to marry such a person, such a man.

Because that was unbiblical. You see, a lot of things I'm saying, some of you are saying, man, I don't agree with this guy. Yeah, but can you show me scripture? Can you show me scripture? You see how powerful tradition is?

Children evangelism begins. Look at Deuteronomy chapter six and verse four. It's the Shema of Israel. Hero Israel, the Lord is our God. The Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart. Now, he's addressing primarily men here. Fathers of families. He said, these words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart.

So the first step in children evangelism is to have a dad who is seeking to love the Lord his God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength. And that it's obvious to his wife and it's obvious to his children.

This is not just something dad does on a weekend. This is not just something that good people do. This is my father's life. My father lives to love the Lord his God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.

And everything else is secondary. That's the first step in children evangelism. Deuteronomy 6, 4. So you see, a father who just goes to church on Sunday may even be a good man. He doesn't disciple his wife.

He doesn't disciple his children. He turns that responsibility over to someone else. And he's really concerned about houses and hobbies and cars. Don't expect that. OK, now you're going to evangelism.

You see, it comes down to life, man. It comes down to life. Now, he says, look at seven. You shall teach them diligently to your sons. You, the father. Ephesians backs that up. Fathers are to instruct their children.

Fathers, not mothers, fathers. And mothers play a great role and also instruct the children. But it is not the primary responsibility of the wife or the mother to teach the children the Bible. She helps her husband.

Her husband carries the whole load. He determines what ought to be taught. He studies to teach. He does everything else. And his wife enjoys. Enjoys it. And helps because we see in Proverbs, we also see not only the commandments of your father, but your mother also.

Teaching God’s Word Throughout Everyday Life

OK, now here's what he says. He says in verse seven, you shall teach them diligently. It doesn't mean just evangelism. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.

Now, here's something that's very important. We call it teaching in the midst. Even though I meet with my boys probably on an average of four to five times a week and the lessons can can last anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half in the Scriptures.

That's not good enough teaching in the midst. And what that means is Christianity is not something we do in our quiet time. It's not something we do for an hour a day. It's not something that we do on Sunday.

What he's saying is here when you when you are in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up, if we're out hunting, God's going to be in the middle of it. If we're kayaking down a river, if we're wrestling.

You see, you can't just segregate your life. You have to you have to think, look, this is real. This my whole life as a man. I am only one thing. I am a servant of the most high God. That's what I am.

You don't separate your life from that. It's like I don't have a life apart from that. And don't think just because someone's a missionary or preacher, they're supposed to be that way. All of us, men and women, our whole lives revolve around one thing.

We are slaves of Christ to do his will. Now, if you're a welder or carpenter, makes no difference whatsoever. We are slaves to him. So everything is about him. Everything. And so he goes, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.

The direction of your home is determined by Scripture. What you do in your home and your life with your hands is determined by Scripture. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

You see, I mean, we're talking about a house that is directed by this. Love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. And the foundation of all its knowledge and its instruction is the word of God, saturating the house in the word of God.

Practical Bible Instruction in the Home

Now, here's what happens. You begin to do that. Let's say your child. Let me just share with you what I do. And some people would disagree with this. That's fine. But what I do is is when when Ian and Evan were very, very young, couldn't read, I would read to them out of a small children's Bible.

A lot of people would disagree with that, but I did. And not only a children's Bible, I would use a rhyme Bible. I don't know why, but the fact that that little rhyme Bible rhymed, they would they would listen.

Now, after I would read a story, whether it be about, well, you know, they're not a whole lot of theology in a little children's rhyme Bible. So daddy would just fill in stuff with stories and acting things out and just you name it.

OK, this is my children's life, people. This is not like this is just some little thing you're supposed to do. My children are going to live or die. And so you sit there, you look at the story, you talk about Noah's Ark.

I mean, we've done all kinds of things. And then and then after that, go through it maybe twice, a couple of months, three months to get through it. Then I'd go if they would advance. I'd go through just a little bit more advanced, advanced Bible.

Now, the time that Ian was five and a half, he started reading First John. So he was in First John and he and I started doing line by line exegesis commentary on First John. Now, Evan has come along and Evan has joined us.

And what we do is. I sit at the table and I have my Bible and both of them have their Bibles. Now, I use New American Standard. They both have New American Standard Bibles. What I have found out just as a note, for those of you who have little children, it seems to me that when Evan, who's little, reads his Bible with the small print, it's very hard for him to read and understand.

If I put it on my Kindle and I make the font bigger, like about this big. For some reason, children can understand and read larger fonts, even if it's the same material. So doing something like that digitally, which I've done, or getting a large print Bible will make it very helpful.

Now, don't make your child carry that large print Bible to church on Sunday because it's probably this big. But you see what I'm saying? Look at this. This is intentional. This is thinking through problems.

Why? Because, you know, this is their life. I mean, nothing's more important than the eternity of your child. And so as they go through these little Bibles and then they start to read, then we start. We'll choose a book and we'll actually we do two books.

We work on two books in every Bible study. My plan is, is that with Ian and Evan and Rowan, that we will be constantly going through. The goal is seven verses a night in the book of Proverbs. And when we finish the book of Proverbs, which we have, we'll start it again and we'll start it again and we'll start it again until they leave my home at 18 or 20.

As long as they're in my home, we will be doing the book of Proverbs every day that we meet. But we also take and study other books like we study the book of Romans. These are the books we've gone through so far.

First, second and third, John, the book of Romans, the book of Colossians, first Peter, the book of Matthew, the book of John. And what I simply do is I read. I start in verse one of chapter one. Paul, a bondservant of Christ Jesus, called as an apostle set apart for the gospel of God.

And I go, all right, kids, you know who Paul is. Who is he? Well, he's the guy that got struck down. Yeah, he got knocked down. Why did he get knocked down? This happened. OK, now he's a bondservant of Christ.

What does it mean to be a bondservant? I don't know, dad. Well, what's it mean to be a slave? You know what a slave is? And we work our way through. Now, guys, you know, the study in Romans may last 15 minutes or it may.

They keep may keep asking questions and we'll just keep going. I don't try to finish a chapter or finish even a section. I'm just doing a few verses at a time and we go through there and they go through the whole book.

And and so we do that about 15 minutes. Then we go to Proverbs and do that about 15 minutes and then we pray together. That's that's what we do now. They're starting to learn concepts like God is holy, that men are sinful and all these other things.

Catechizing Children and Teaching Propitiation

Now, let me just say this is a side note. Did you know that among the Puritans, you could be disciplined and put out of the church and some of the Puritan churches? If a father did not catechize his children.

He would be publicly put out of the church. As a matter of fact, I think it was in John Owen's church. Men were required to write. Each man was required to write his own catechism and to present it to the pastor for checking the catechism or the teaching tool that he would use for his children.

Do you see how far we've fallen? Men, men rise up. That's all I got to say. Rise up, men, rise up and do what you're supposed to do. This is what we're supposed to do. Now, when I was looking for material in order to teach my children and and catechize them, are you all familiar with what I mean by catechize?

In a lot of people, when they hear that word, they think of Catholicism. But actually, the Puritans and others, what it is, it's a series of questions. Let me give you the first one in the 1689 London Confession, the catechism based on it or the Westminster.

It would be first question be who made you? God made me. Prove it. In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. Why did God make you? God made me for his own glory. What does it mean? He made you for his own glory to worship him, serve him.

Prove it. Whether you eat or drink or any other thing, do everything you do under the glory of God. You see, that was a catechism. Now, as I was trying to figure out how to teach my children, here's a problem.

I'm kind of a perfectionist in a way. So I would look at something and I'd say, well, this is good, but it's missing here. And this is good here, but it has holes in it here. And I was just real upset.

You know, what kind of material should I use to teach my children? And then one day it dawned on me there's only one perfect book. Teach them the Bible. Just go through the Bible. And so Ian's not here right now, but which last year we get to a thing on.

I think it was on propitiation in Romans chapter three. That that Christ was publicly put forth or displayed as a propitiation, which is probably the most important verse in the Bible. So I said to Ian, I said, Ian, what's a propitiation?

He said, well, I don't know. I said, well, and I begin to explain. Well, propitiation is a sacrifice that is given in order to satisfy justice, divine justice, so that God's wrath can be appeased. And so we begin to see how God crushed his own son.

God crushed his own son under the full force of his wrath in order to satisfy his justice so that he could forgive sinners. Because the greatest problem in all the Bible is this, if God is good, he cannot forgive you.

Because a good judge does not let criminals go. So Christ satisfied God's justice. Well, we begin to talk about that. And Ian began to get a little teary eyed. And I said, son, what's wrong? He said, daddy died for me.

I said, yes, son. He died. Tell me what's going on, dad. I just I just he died for me. I'm a sinner, dad. He died for me. I said, yes, he died for you, son. Dad, what do I do? I said, call on the name of the Lord.

And he said, dad, I can't. Now, most parents would have said, well, I'll tell you what, would you like to repeat this prayer after me? That's so sad. I looked at him and I said, son. You must call on the name of the Lord because I cannot do it for you.

I cannot, as your father, help you any further. This is between you and God. He said, dad, what do I do? I said, well, if your heart is so burdening you and you really sense the reality of what's going on, then, son, I I would suggest you retire to your room.

And deal with God. So he goes in his room. After about five minutes, we just hear he's crying in there hysterically, not going in there. God's dealing with my son. I'm not going to touch the ark of God.

I'm not going to interfere with what God is doing. After about 15 minutes, he came out. He said, dad, dad, I'm new. I'm saved. All my sins are gone. I know I'm saved. And then he saw his two his brother and his little his little brother and little sister.

And he fell down on his knees and he cried out, oh, God, that they would have what you have given me, that they would have what you've given me. Oh, dad, this is the happiest day of my life. He has saved me.

Now, what should I do? Do I go to him and go? Yes, son, you're saved. Let's baptize you. Now, I say, son, if you have truly believed and you give me now no reason to doubt. But if you have truly believed, you are saved.

And now what we're going to do, son, because I am your father and I am responsible for you. You and I are going to continue on in our studies. We're going to continue on walking together as brothers in Christ.

And after a while, if this faith perseveres and grows and bears fruit. Then I will speak with the elders. And then the elders will come and examine you. Regarding your knowledge of the gospel. And if they approve afterwards, son.

Then you can you can be baptized. But son, as your father, I'm responsible for you. So now it's been, I guess, over a year or so. He's happy in the Lord. He seems to be growing. He's 10 years old. Seems to have conviction of sin and different things.

Like yesterday. That sermon yesterday really impacted him. He came to me last night. He said, Dad, Dad, he's right. It's just all about relationships. It's all about love, isn't it? It's what it's all about.

I said, yes, son, that's. That was right. That was right with that man said. And so there's great hope I have now. If he continues walking in this way, he'll be baptized. Now, notice that when he came to me and said, Dad, I've been saved.

I didn't say, yes, you have. But I said, if you truly believe you have been saved. But I also didn't say, no, you haven't. I'm not going to quench the fire that's in here. I'm not going to break his little heart.

That would be wrong to do that to anyone. But I say, son, if you have believed and I have no doubt. From a human point of view, I rejoice in this. And if you believe you're safe, but we're going to watch you.

We're going to help you come to a greater and greater assurance. To the point where you can be baptized. Now, let's say he's baptized when he's 11 or 12. And then when he's 16. He starts rebelling. And I mean, it's not what he's just apathy.

And it doesn't have to be he's on drugs, folks. Just be apathy, not wanting to do anything with Christ, not wanting to go on. I'm not going to go to him and say you were saved when you were 11. You need to act like it.

But rather, I'm going to say, son, when you were 11, you made a profession of faith in Christ. And it appeared sincere enough so that both I and the elders agreed with your baptism. And for a while, it seemed that you bore fruit.

But now you are walking. As an unbeliever, if this becomes a settled practice. Then you need to understand something. You were not converted. Your faith has been false. Now we bring in the verses, don't we?

Make your calling and election. Sure. Examine yourself. Test yourself to see if you are in the faith. Repent and turn back to God and demonstrate. Bring forth fruit of repentance. You see. Now. Men. When a guy is learning even to fight or to shoot a gun or even shoot a longbow.

He doesn't just go like this and say, I want to do it and pick up a longbow and shoot it. Or he doesn't just someone throws a punch and he blocks it. He doesn't do that. It has to become a settled practice in his life.

So that means he'll stand there for hours a day and do something like this to learn to block a punch. Or he'll learn to draw a bow or he'll learn to properly lean in to shoot a gun with both eyes open.

Things like that. It's the same way. If you just neglect every aspect of being a dad, except having some fun every once in a while. And then you want to jump in and do evangelism. It's just that's just not right.

Family Relationships as the Context for Evangelism

What an old man told me, he called it making bindings. Binding yourself to your child and binding your child to you. And that happens through relationships. It happens through relationships. That these children.

Your wife should be the most important person in your life above your children. But second, only to her are your children, not your buddies, not your good friends. Listen, I don't spend time with a lot of other guys because I don't have time.

I have a wife and children and I go to bed tired. That's what we're supposed to do. We serve our wives. We serve our children. We serve the people of God and we go to bed tired. That's what we do. So evangelism has to be a lifestyle.

Now there's a now we you know, we go through the scriptures and with Evan, who is yet to make a profession of faith. We'll talk, Evan. What do you know about this? What do you know about Christ dying for you?

Instead of asking him questions where he can just answer yes or no. You want them to be able to talk to you. And I can see now in him that God is beginning to awaken him to certain things. Now, another thing that's very important, just because you share the gospel with your child and your child breaks down crying.

Doesn't mean they're converted. They may just be crying out of self-preservation. I don't want to go to hell. Do you realize how many people think that that is genuine repentance? And you should have seen him.

He was broken. All the pieces terrified of hell. That's not repentance. That's self-preservation. I tell you, on the day of judgment, when the devil's thrown into hell, he'll be doing a lot of weeping himself.

The question has is has his heart changed toward God? Is this is his heart broken over sin? Does he begin to hate sin? And don't think that's beyond a child. I was preaching several years ago in Ohio.

Now, never forget this. And I was maybe three quarters of the way through my sermon. All of a sudden, a little nine year old boy stood up and I don't give altar calls. He stood up and started walking down the middle of the of the church just like this.

And I just walked down and I met him about halfway. And I said, son, what's wrong? He said, can God save a vile, wicked, filthy sinner like me? And I said, well, son, he can. Now, whether he will, I do not know.

I said, what have you done? This is what he said. I have disobeyed my mother. Now, what happened? The Holy Spirit and only the Holy Spirit can do this. And see, we don't think that's a great sin. That sin right there will send every human being in the world into hell.

The Holy Spirit had opened up that little boy's mind to the way God sees rebellion against parents. See, it's the work of the Holy Spirit, man. It's the work of the Holy Spirit. You can just about get anybody to pray that prayer, especially children.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Leave them alone to God. We have authority to tell them how to be saved. We have authority to tell them they must be saved. We have authority to teach them biblical principles so that they might have a biblical assurance of salvation.

But you do not have the right to tell someone they are saved. Because they prayed a prayer. All right, next question. Yes. First of all, God gives a special promise. To, you know. Being considered as a widow and an orphan.

God’s Care for Widows, Orphans, and Single Mothers

That God takes up the slack on that. And he says that he will be a father to the orphan. He will be a husband to the widow. Or any mother who is single and raising children and the father's not involved.

But you are going to have to carry a burden that will mark you. It will make you old before your time. It will make you very tired. You are going to have to do a lot of things. Keep teaching them the Bible.

Imagine, do you have to work? So it will be very hard. You don't homeschool then. Pardon me? Okay. If you still have the desire. You should pray. Pray for a godly man. If you are in a church. Which I hope you are.

See, we've lost the idea of what pastors are supposed to do. What pastors and elders and men of the church are supposed to do. When a pastor, when a group, when elders see that there's a woman in the church.

Trying to raise some children by herself. Especially when they're boys. Those men, they come together. And they say, how do we deal with this? This is the way the modern day church in the West helps widows and orphans.

You see, most of our churches don't have people starving to death in them. But this is the way that pastors, elders, whatever you want to call them. And the men of the church are supposed to minister a true and undefiled religion.

Which is helping widows and orphans. Men need to say, look, we need to be very careful here. We have a woman who is single. At the same time, though, we have these little children who have no influence of a man on their life.

We can't just think about our own families. You know, say it's two boys or whatever. All right, those boys are like six, seven years old. They've got to be fishing. They've got to be doing this. They've got to be doing that.

And men from the church need to step in and help that. Even the older men who are retired can be of greatest benefit here. Great benefit by taking children and helping them. You see. Go ahead. Well, if the man is a member, let's say it's the man who left.

And there's separation going on. And that man's a member of the church. The church should be practicing discipline. Now, discipline does not start off with putting the man out of the church. But the pastor should be greatly involved in what's going on.

They should be dealing with that man, counseling that man, going to that man, doing everything in their power to restore the relationship. If the man's not a believer, there's very little. And he's not a member of the church.

There's very little that the pastors can do. Well, here's the thing. We have to abide by the things of the law unless it can be proved that that father is being abusive. And this is the burden that a woman.

This is why God hates a divorce. God hates separation. All these types of things, because here, men, you know what I'm doing here? I'm trying to put a bandaid on a on a dam that's already busted. You know, the bigger picture is so many.

Even before. This is why now I've moved like I preach. I do two things. I preach on the gospel and I preach on the family. Why? Some of these problems occurred because the people should have never gotten married to start off with.

Because the father and the pastors did not step in and do what they were supposed to do. And the fathers and the pastors, when they saw problems, did not step in. We were just a culture that has. There are so many things wrong biblically in the evangelical community that to try to deal with one situation where maybe a woman is separate from her husband.

It's almost an impossibility because there's so many other things wrong. For example, someone says, how can we deal with this divorce in the church? My first question is, well, explain to me how you practice church discipline.

Well, we don't. Well, then there's the problem, because that's the way God said to deal with divorce in the church. And you won't do it. So then we have to think of something else. And that's one of the great problems here.

One of the great problems. Yes. Well, even even children. That have been. Raised in a perfect. Family. And there isn't one and I don't have one are under a perfect dad. May become hellions. They become reprobate because that is out of our hands.

That is so far beyond us. You see. A successful Christian parent. Is not someone whose kids become missionaries in Guam. You see, your child may become the greatest preacher in the world. And then you think you were a great Christian parent when, in fact, you were a horrible parent.

Or someone may be actually a horrible parent and their child or or someone might be a great parent and try to do everything Scripture says. And yet their child turned out to be a hellion. You see what we do as parents.

We do care for the well-being of our children. But what we do, we do unto God. We don't teach our children the Bible because we think if we do, our children are going to be converted. We primarily teach our children the Bible because God commands us to teach our children the Bible.

None of us have any certainties. None of us. But we seek to be obedient believers. This is not about pushing all the right buttons and your children will get saved. It's about obeying God. John MacArthur had a great book on this.

I think it's it may have changed titles, but it was called Successful Christian Parenting. And he brings out this point. He said, I've known parents that were horrible, that their children turned out to be just great Christians.

And I know vice versa. So I have to keep it in my mind that although I love my children and I want to see them converted, my primary motivation is not my love for children, but obedience to God. And I must now.

Marriage, Conversion, and Unequal Yoking

Here's the thing that again, and this is may sound harsh, but young ladies, listen to me. Dad's listen to me. Here we have, you know, you marry an equally yoked. I'm sorry you made the decision to do that and you're going to suffer for it.

You are going to suffer for it. I'm sorry. It's it's it doesn't mean your children aren't going to be converted or things like that, because the sins of the parents are not thrown down on the sins of the on the heads of the children.

There are no illegitimate children. They're just illegitimate relationships. But the thing about it is you're going to suffer. I can't tell you how many people I have counseled, how many young ladies I've said, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this.

And then they come back into the office after doing it. They're suffering and everything else, and I have to look at them and say the most terrifying thing any pastor can say to anyone. I can't help you.

There's nothing I can do to fix this situation. You made your decision. See, we live in a culture now. I don't know how it is in Canada, but where if a kid just does nothing in class the whole semester and he knows he's flunking, he can go the teacher and say, give me some makeup work.

Give me something I can do. Write a report or something that'll get me to pass the class. Well, I'm sorry with God that doesn't happen. It doesn't happen in life. There's not going to be something you can do later on to fix it.

Now, God may save the man and it turned out to be a blessing, but you've got to take these commands seriously. They're fearful. They're true. Yes. Well, first of all, yes. Yes. But here's what I want you to understand.