The Christian Home

Welcome to Have You Not Read, a podcast seeking to answer questions from the text of scripture for the honor of Christ and the edification of the saints. Before we dig into our topic, we humbly ask you to rate, review, and share the podcast.

Thank you.

I'm Dylan Hamilton, and with me are.

Michael Burum.

Chris Giesler.

And today we will be tackling a question we had sent in to us on our website. And before we read the question, we're gonna go ahead and say thank you to everybody who continues to send in questions, giving us more and more content, more and more things to think about, and more grist for the mill, as it were, in creating this content for you and trying to be helpful and giving practical answers and answers from the scriptures, which we really, really wanna do.

The Creation Mandate and the Pattern of the First Family

So to begin with today, we're gonna tackle the question, what should a Christian home look like during the week? Do you wanna start us off, Michael?

Sure. This is a good question. It wants to get in contact with the practical. What does it actually look like? What should expectations be? What is a model that we could look at? There are a lot of different passages in the scripture that both show the need for this kind of modeling and this kind of discussion, but also plenty of scripture passages that give us a framework.

I think that a Christian household during the week looks like the creational household from the first week. Okay, so on the sixth day, Genesis 126, God said, let us make man in our image according to our likeness.

Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, over the cattle, over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image.

In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

And it's important to note that this being fruitful and this multiplication and this exercising of dominion for the first man and the first woman was done so in the context of marriage. It's not just all of humanity, any old way you see fit, be fruitful and multiply, but that God ordained that this creation mandate be worked out from the context of a family.

In Genesis 2, as Moses, by the Spirit, zooms us in on the details of the sixth day, we learn that God put the man into the Garden of Eden. So chapter two, verse eight, the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the man whom he had formed.

But then he also, he was there to tend and keep the garden, but God also said it is not good for the man to be alone. And so in verse 18 of chapter two, he says, I will make him a helper comparable to him.

Somebody who is like unto him, yet distinct from him, a helper to stand alongside of him, someone who is going to fit with him and to be his helpmate in every possible way. And there's a big job that God just gave to humanity and Adam is not supposed to do it alone.

And so when God made Eve, verse 21 of chapter two, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman and he brought it to the man.

And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, the flesh of my flesh, she should be called woman because she was taken out of man. And here's the conclusion from Moses. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. So when we think about what does a Christian household look like throughout the week, we have to start with the first week and the creation household.

Why did God give a woman to a man and that they would be married, husband and wife? What is the goal? You know, what's the aim?

Well, some of it's stated in the text, taking dominion, multiplying, some of that can't be done. Adam, it's not good for him to be alone.

Sure.

And it's not good for him to be alone because he can't do certain things by himself.

And so there's a lot to think about. So when you fast forward to the book of Proverbs and you're looking at the instructions of a father to his son, and he keeps on telling his son to pay attention to the instructions of his father and the teachings of his mother and to adorn himself, to ornament himself, not with gold rings and with tattoos, but to put onto himself the teachings and the wisdom of his parents.

Why?

Because there's so much good to be engaged in for the glory of God, to fear God rather than fearing man and rather than fearing death, but to fear God at the beginning of wisdom, knowledge and understanding and to be just full of wisdom, rejoicing in the instructions and directions of his parents and to be wary of misfolly and to fall in love with lady wisdom.

The young man has to fall in love with lady wisdom first before he knows what kind of a wife he should seek. And of course she's profiled for us in Proverbs 31. If you see the kind of help me that Adam was given in Eve, you see the wife of a king in Proverbs 31.

Lemuel's mother starts off at him and says, okay, remember how you're supposed to rule and reign and keep your wits about you. And there's some things you need to think about. But then also there's this question, who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies.

And this kind of describes the nature of the virtuous wife, the virtuous woman. When you read all of this, you see there's a lot of productivity, there's a lot of diligence, there's a lot of wisdom being engaged.

There's a lot of hope, thinking of how can we do more with what we have? How can we accomplish more? How can we expand? How can we multiply? How can we be fruitful? I mean, we're made in God's image. We are to glorify God.

We are to make a big deal out of who he is in our own productivity and expansion, not for our own name, not for our own sake, but for his glory in the way that he sees fit. So it's a Christian home is a creational home, one that recognizes Jesus Christ as king, who is the image of the invisible God.

To him, all things belong. And so we are the stewards of his world, right? So he owns everything, and we're his stewards, and he's interested to see what we're gonna do for the glory of his name. So one thing I would say about what a Christian home should look like during the week, it should be hope-filled, it should look as if there's diligence, not busy work, not getting stressed out, so on and so forth, not having so much to do that you can never rest.

That's not the pattern that we're given. But there should be some level of diligence and joy and hope as the family looks to be fruitful and to multiply and expand to the glory of God.

Right, it's interesting, we talk about there being spheres of governments, civil government, church government, but here it seems to be that the family is the first government that God institutes there in the garden.

And the primary form of society, I say, the way that Bavick would kind of put it, would be the primary form of society is the family. There's worship that goes on in the family, but it certainly doesn't replace the church.

It can in a pinch, but it's not supposed to. Church is its own form of human society. It was out of the family that government first emerged, where in Genesis chapter nine, the description of what to do when it's time to execute somebody, these are brothers that are involved when you look at the text.

So obviously the family can't replace the form of a human society called the civil magistrate. It can do it a pinch, but obviously, but it is the primary.

Right, well, it seems that the other two are built off of the family. Yes, very much so. Civil government should be families interacting. The church is also families coming.

This is important because what you're identifying is that what should a family life look like during the week, what a Christian family should look like during the week. Recognizing the primacy of the family is not to say we're gonna replace the church with the family or have the church controlled by the family any more than we would say the same thing about the civil magistrate.

Yet at the same time, our kids learn how to worship in the home, and our kids learn what is justice in the home. So as a father, I'm involved in dealing with legal cases between my children all the time.

I'm teaching them about theft. I'm teaching them about treating each other righteously and justly. I'm teaching them about how to engage with one another. And if there's a wrong, I've got to mediate. And sometimes I have to give a ruling.

And sometimes I have to pass sentence, and I have to explain what's going on here. I'm doing that in the home because I don't want them to run into the legal system when they leave the home. I want them to have a good sense of what justice and righteousness is when they get out of the home.

And I want them to love the Bible. I want them to love Jesus. And I want them to love singing and praying. But that starts in the home. I mean, they're not gonna just pick that up at church. They gotta learn that in the home.

So we have these clear examples of principles that husbands should rely on, that wives should rely on. When I hear the Proverbs 31 woman brought up, or I hear the wisdom to the king's son brought up in Proverbs, I'm thinking of a type.

And when we see the type of woman in Proverbs 31, or what would we say about comparing and contrasting other types of wives in the text? Like Jezebel, who instead of going out and buying the vineyard, she goes out and steals it.

And instead of building up the household, she tears it down.

That's a good example.

Can those things be helpful teachers to us as well? Because I know my boys really deal well.

With types right now.

They're at that age to where explaining things to them in types, don't be like Puddlegum at the beginning of the story. Be like Puddlegum when he goes out and breaks a spell type of a thing. So showing them those examples might be helpful from the types in the Bible.

But not just helpful, it would be the supreme types that we want to look for, right?

Yes, so we are given negative examples. And sometimes within Proverbs you have Miss Folly and Lady Wisdom, and Miss Folly is to be avoided. She is to be seen for her deadly poison. She is to be seen as, indeed, if you were to fall into her grasp, it's because you're under judgment.

Because you have engaged in so much folly that now you are in her clutches. That means that you're under the judgment of God. Don't hate that so much and to turn away and then consider Lady Wisdom in all her ways and to be attracted to that and to value that.

So the types within Proverbs, and then of course you have types, hey, look at this woman, look at this wife, look at this mother. And then sometimes you have really positive examples and really negative examples.

So those are gonna be very helpful to try to give us something to latch onto. But why is this type a positive example and why is this type a negative example? You know, what makes the difference? You know, what?

I think their inclination towards, like with wisdom, it's more precious than gold and rubies. And so are you tossing that aside or are you embracing it? And obviously it's the wisdom of God. And so what is your bent or your relation to God that informs your actions and your thoughts?

Like worship at the center of the household. Like when you have a wife that builds up the home, you know what is worshiped at the center and a wife that tears down the home, what is worshiped at the center of that household, right?

Like, I think that's where, beginning with the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge. And we're talking about wisdom and knowledge mostly here recently. And I would say we're looking at worship at the center of the home.

So what does it look like during the week? Well, to get really practical, it's to recognize that Christ is the authority in the home. It's not about making mama happy, keeping dad content, or the kids entertained.

If you happen to have live, laugh, love hanging on your wall, Christ is king of that. He gets to define what that is. He's Lord of everything in the home, from the welcome mat to the knickknacks. He's Lord over all the work schedule that goes on.

He's supposed to be the one who is consulted about the schedule of the week.

Are we lazy?

Are we too busy? Are we distracted? Are we focused? Are we developing the talents and giftings that have been entrusted to us in a way that is pleasing to him? Or are we just burying it in the backyard because we know life's just too tough?

These are all matters and considerations that each family has to kind of walk through. The Lord give grace to the husband to be prayerfully considering these things and discipling his wife and encouraging his wife in all these matters, hearing how she needs help and encouragement, where she needs to grow, how we're gonna work together to help train up and disciple these children with an eye to the future.

But in all things, Christ is the standard. So that's why in Colossians 1, Paul says, him we preach, Christ we preach, right? What's the subject matter? In 2 Corinthians, his whole thing to the Corinthians is like, you don't need a letter of recommendation to me because you are my letter, written by the Holy Spirit.

Christ has been written upon you. Right, this is the whole thing. Why is this type a bad type? Why is this type a good type? What's the contrast? Well, who looks more like the image of God? And who is the image of the invisible God?

That's Jesus Christ. So him we preach, warning every man, teaching every man, and that's in general, obviously, because men, women, and children, every person made in God's image, that's how the word man's being used here, mankind.

Him we preach, warning every man, teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. He's the standard. That's where all of this is going. To this end, I also labor, striving according to his working, which works in me, mightily.

And he's very, Paul's very jealous and says, look, I don't want you to listen to worldly philosophy. And boy, there's a lot of it out there. I mean, you can get it in little 30 second clips on YouTube Shorts.

Lots of wisdom to tell you how to raise your kids, how to relate to each other in your marriage, how to run your home, and so on. But Paul says that in Christ are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

So when we're in the wisdom materials like Psalms and Proverbs, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, and these kinds of places, when we're recognizing glory in the text, it's because we're seeing the image of God put on display in a perfect kind of symmetry.

It's like a beauty wherein the relationships are proportionate and symmetrical. Everything is falling into place and you're seeing the glory of Christ because he is the fulfillment of all the wisdom. Now, that's what it should look like throughout the week in the home.

Throughout the week in the home, we're checking in with the values of Christ. Now, what does that look like? Some families have a very strong sense that they should have a formal family worship five days a week or something like that.

And they walk through that and that's gonna look different for them based on how old their children are. That's gonna change throughout the seasons. Some families have a different type of way of going about doing family worship.

It looks different. Some families do catechism. Some families just read the scripture together. Some families sing together. Some families make sure that they are always praying together. But however it is, it's a matter of, there's liberty in our submission to Christ, but it should be a submission to Christ.

I think of Ephesians five. And so obviously there's different roles. You're saying the Christian household, Christian home. You have single people. What would their home look like? You've got married people.

What would their home look like? You've got married people with children. So what is that like? In Ephesians, we have some of those kind of broken down. Ephesians five, wives submit to your own husbands as the Lord husbands.

The husband is the head of his wife, as also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subjected to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands and everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the word. And it kind of goes through and gives these different directives to husbands and to wives and what that might look like.

There's other places, I think of Titus, they talk about qualification for elders in the church, but then there's also carryover into the home where he mentions things in the home. Wives, older women teach younger women to be lovers of their husbands, lover of their children, homemakers.

So that's a carryover type of thing. So what should the Christian home look like? I was listening to a short this morning and the guy was talking about devotionals and he's like, do we do our devotion in the morning or do we do our devotion in the evening?

And he said, you've missed the point. It should be a life of following after Christ. Maybe you have a set time where you can sit down and this is when I study, but if your whole life is geared towards following after Christ, that'll greatly affect what your home looks like.

Yes, I think that it's good to have in mind a type, a norm, something. In the scriptures, marriage is normative, husband and wife. Husband and wife and children is normative. That's the picture you get in the creation mandate.

Jesus himself acknowledges that there are exceptions to this and sometimes because of a physical situation or sometimes because of a spiritual situation. And he recognizes this, but that doesn't mean that there's not a norm.

There's not something that's the regular expectation. And so when we're thinking about what should a Christian home look like throughout the week, certainly we should give some consideration to somebody who lives by themself.

Maybe a young single man or perhaps an elderly widow. Okay, either way. In either case, they are called to use their unique situation to the glory of God in ways that other people can't. And so what does that call for?

That calls for a looking away from the self and a looking unto Christ. The same thing with the relationships that you just talked about between husband and wife and children. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, as him looking away from himself to Christ.

The wife is to submit to the husband and all things as the church submits to the Lord. But again, she is looking away from herself unto the Lord. The parents are raising their children, but remembering that they have a heavenly father.

So again, they're looking away from themselves. The children to submit to their parents, but as is honoring to the Lord, they're looking away from themselves. A Christian household, however it is formed in the good pleasure of God, is one in which we are taking up our cross, following Christ daily, denying ourselves, looking away from ourselves.

The real distinctive difference between a Christian household and other households is that in Christian households, in following Christ, we look away from ourselves and to our Lord. And so this ought to naturally diffuse a great many of the relational sin-filled landmines that often get associated with family life.

Right, and even, so you might think, okay, I don't need to look to myself, but some people thinking that they're being selfless might even put the focus on the wife or on the child. Like as a husband, I need to serve my wife, and then she becomes the end all, or the children.

We have to focus on the children. And I see many homes where so much attention was given to the children that the parental relationship fell apart. It's like, well, if you try to focus on your spouse, maybe the children get neglected or it doesn't work.

The focus has to be on Christ. And from him, we learn what those relationships look like, what those roles are.

Yeah, those situations where the husband is so infatuated with his wife, it's easy for him to become very disappointed or burnout, or the parents always just doting on the children all the time. But these things are still ultimately selfish.

It's something like, I don't want to lose my wife, or I don't want to disappoint my wife, or I want to try to keep my wife happy at all costs. Or the wife saying the very same things, like she's just burning herself out, trying to make sure her husband never has a negative thing to say about anything.

She's just burning herself out, always trying to keep the kids from ever complaining. Ultimately, it's a selfish desire. It's a, I don't want to be negatively considered. I want people to look at me and think I've failed somehow.

So it's a fearing man that is ensnaring, and it can make you very miserable very quickly, I would say.

So we talked about practically using, or practically using some of these things to diffuse what you would call familial minds or bombs. What does that practically look like in y 'all's homes, personally?

I think that might be a good thing to give the audience. And I'll start, I know sometimes when we start getting whiny around our household, we go straight to song. We mark the music in our household, and we try to remind them of scripture through song.

For them right now, it is somewhat fun to learn that way, or somewhat fun to distract themselves that way. But we're trying to mold them toward it being something that they can use practically on their own to get themselves out of these mindsets.

So that's one thing we do. I know a lot of people, they'll use prayer, especially when somebody gets worked up and they can't calm themselves down. What do you guys do?

So one thing, I like the singing and song to help regulate or to draw their attention to right thinking, and you can use song to do that. For me, it's verses pointing them to scripture, because I want that to be an example.

In their life, when I'm not around and they're out and away, and they run into either their own emotions or someone did something to them, their first go-to to be to go to scripture. And so, I know I'm reminding myself in discipline, the anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.

And sometimes I'll say that out loud. They're hearing me quote scripture to me so that I know that I have a role to discipline, but I'm not going to do it in anger because it doesn't accomplish what that anger seemingly would accomplish.

Or going to other scriptures, a gentle word turns away wrath. When you yell at your sister, that's not gonna turn away wrath, that's gonna bring on more wrath. And then the temperature gets higher and higher.

No, you need to be using gentle words with each other. It's in scripture, and so we should talk to each other that way.

Yeah, so James tells us that we ought to be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. And that's good to remember. When we think about the way in which Jesus would respond, right? How often were the disciples in a full-blown argument before he ever said anything, right?

They were like, oh, I'm the greatest. No, I'm the greatest. No, I'm the greatest.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know?

Yeah, and at some point, he just kind of, and then he says something that completely diffuses and dispels, right? Just kind of puts everything into its proper perspective, and all of a sudden, like, yeah, we feel really dumb for arguing about this now.

And so I would say that being quick to hear means quick to hear everything, trying to listen for everything going on. Very often in our household, of course, not everything goes smoothly. Very often, folks are getting their feelings hurt.

Sometimes it's because bitterness has been building up that parents weren't aware of. All of a sudden, we have all these dynamics with six kids. And the more kids you have, the more dynamics there are.

And so just trying to listen to what's going on and then to begin to work on that. And being quick to hear allows us to be slow to speak, meaning we're gonna take good aim. We're gonna take really good aim at what we're going to say, like Christ did.

He just knew how to tell the story that got to the heart of the matter or to ask the question that exposed the real issue. And so in like manner, I want to be able to do that with my children. When it comes to with my wife, very often I have to listen double, triple, just trying to listen to what's going on because very often the thing that she's saying is a few layers removed from the main concern.

And she's still working it out. If my expectation is that she should be in complete understanding of all of her own concerns and whatever she says first is what I'm gonna go with, then I'm not being slow to speak.

Live with your wife in an understanding way. Well, I just caught the first thing coming instead of understanding this.

Right, even if she says this is the issue, give her time to work it out a little bit more because it may not be the main issue.

Is that an example of maybe not taking into account our wife's, how she's created when we're kind of going at her as if she's created like us?

Yeah.

Because a lot of times men are very one dimensional or very surface layer when they're able to, they just get across what their concern is and they thought it out and that's it. And then you don't have to actually peel back the layers.

Men are usually more straightforward in that way. And with our wives, it's not, it's a much more complicated matter sometimes whereas they are saying something. But like you said, there are other layers to the concerns or other layers to the thoughts even that they're giving you.

I think in general, when you walk into a Christian family's home, sometimes they'll have some sort of really big sign over one of their entrances or they'll have a big banner somewhere saying something.

And I like that. I think that's neat. I love to see those things. There is a big banner in Colossians 3 that just presides over the opening of Christian family. There are instructions for wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Children, obey your parents in all things as is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children unless they become discouraged.

But what is the banner that is over that? Well, it's Colossians 3, 17. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father. That's the banner over the Christian home.

And so it's a constant checking in with Jesus. Whatever I do in word or deed, you know how many words and deeds get exchanged in a family life throughout a given week? Hopefully a whole lot. Hopefully you all have time together.

Hopefully you're not spending long, the majority of your life apart from each other. Hopefully that you get time together. Some people can't. Some fathers have to work and be distant. But what time do you have?

What time do you have? A lot of words, a lot of deeds are going to be exchanged in any case. So do all or say all in the name of the Lord Jesus. How do we know? How do we know if this is an agreement?

Doing something in the name of Jesus means this is an agreement with him. Something he would sign off on, right? It's in his name, right? He'd sign off on this. What's a good way to tell whether or not he'd sign off on this approach?

Being in his word would be a big one.

So there's an embedded test, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

So thankfulness.

Can I give thanks for what I'm doing right now with my wife and with my kids? Can I give thanks for that conversation I just had with my wife? Thank you, God, that you gave me the grace to speak to my wife in this way.

Can I really thank God for the way I responded? If I can't, I don't have Jesus' sign off on what just happened, right? So that's kind of like an embedded test to see. But that's, you're just checking in with Christ all the time.

It's like, okay.

Because he's got to be the standard and he is, as Lord, and in all of his wisdom, he is robust to lead us through every single change and season in life. My family has gone through so many upheavals and drastic changes because of a variety of different trials that we've walked through.

So we have just had to learn, we don't know what life's gonna look like next week. We don't know what life's gonna look like next month. Stuff changes all the time. And I'm a man who loves routine. If I get three days in a row where I have the same routine, I'm on cloud nine.

It's its own kind of high.

Oh my goodness. But I don't get that very often. But well, you know, in real life, it's hard to have a very strict regimen of Christian family. Looks like this 25 step plan, you know, good luck.

Yeah, that brings maybe another issue. You mentioned routine. What does the home look like? You could point to different things that people do. So like balance finances. You could look at the disciplining of the children.

You could talk about all these different issues and what that looks like. But then you also have like general principles that we've been kind of laying out. What about the structure of the fit? Is there a hierarchy or is there equal votes?

You know, those type of questions.

Headship, Responsibility, and Daily Household Order

Yeah, the husband and the father is responsible for everything that happens in the home, right? Is my wife upset? I'm responsible for that. Are my kids fighting? I'm responsible for that. Are my kids not respecting my wife?

I'm responsible for that, okay? So in the hierarchy of things, I'm responsible for it all. I can't just simply sit back, be passive and say, oh, I'll just let my wife handle that or all that'll work out.

I'm not gonna even bother with it. I'm responsible for it all. So I have to look into it. It's not a matter of me having to control everything to fit my fancy, right? Because I'm not the Lord of my home.

Christ is. Okay, so I am responsible for everything, but I don't have to be anxious about everything. We were talking about that in Sunday school. I don't have to have anxiety over everything, but I am supposed to be responsible for everything.

So there's a hierarchy. I need to be shepherding my wife and leading my wife, even when I don't want to, shepherding and leading my children even when I don't want to, looking to equip my wife to do what she's desiring to do.

How can I make sure that I'm providing for her in the way that she needs me to provide so that she can do those things that she desires to do, that God has made her to do? And when I do that, I find that she is the helpmate that I need on the other side.

If I'm not looking at myself too deeply and thinking about all my own needs, and why didn't I get this and I don't have that. So there's a hierarchy, but in the hierarchy of the home, I've told my children more than once, don't talk to my wife that way.

I'm reminding them there's a hierarchy. My relationship with my wife is more important than my relationship with you for your own good.

You're welcome.

You're welcome. You can thank me later. So there's a hierarchy. And so as you walk through the daily routines and what you might consider the mundane, the Christian home should be filled with people who are diligent and take responsibility and pray and ask God for help.