Living a Broken Life Before God — Gerhard Du Toit

Twice a year, I'm in the most amazing circumstances, sharing with about, as I said earlier on, about 2 ,000 people who have come to Christ amongst the armies in Pennsylvania. You know, the people, many horses and buggies, and it's an incredible thing.

The service starts at 9 on a Sunday morning, goes through 2 in the afternoon. You're not allowed to preach for less than 2 hours. Isn't that great? You know? But I had a Thursday night free a couple of years ago when I was in the city of Philadelphia, and they brought me in and said, Can you give us 2 hours on Thursday night?

We're going to bring all the 2 ,000 people or so together. What we would want you to do is to speak to us on the biblical theology of brokenness. What does it mean to live a broken life before God? And so that night I went and I said to them, The first hour we're going to look at the negative perception of the theology of brokenness, and we ploughed into the depravity of sin.

The Depravity of Sin and the Theology of Brokenness

You know, if God will come in one moment in a little gathering like this, and give us a vision of the depravity of sin, and what happened when Adam and Eve sinned, and when Paul said in Romans chapter 5, For as by one man's sin entered into the world, and death by sin, and so death passed upon all men.

If that's what happened, Brethren and sisters, we won't get out of this place today when we see that. And for an hour we ploughed into the theology the negative aspect of the theology of brokenness. We went into the Hebrew text of the Old Testament, explore sin, the state of sin, the act of sin, the awfulness of sin, and in the Greek New Testament.

And after 60 minutes I said to them, Now we're going to spend an hour and look at the positive understanding of the theology of brokenness. And I took them into the life of Christ. And we discover in the gospel of John, the relationship that he had with the Father.

Sinless in his birth, supernatural in his life. And we discover his dependence upon God the Father. And for an hour we ploughed into the depth of brokenness in his positive understanding. And the Spirit of God broke into that meeting at the end, you know.

In fact, there were 57 people gloriously saved that night. And I want to read you this. When God has given me a broken heart, I'm overwhelmed with a sense of my own spiritual need. When God has given me a broken heart, I'm compassionate.

I can forgive much because I know how much I've been forgiven. I esteem others better than myself. When God has given me a broken heart, I have a dependent spirit and I recognize my need for others. But when there is pride in my life, I focus on the failures of others.

When there is pride in my life, I'm self-righteous. I have a critical fault-finding spirit. I look at everyone else's faults through the microscope, but I see my own faults with a telescope. And I look down upon the lives of others.

Pride, Self-Righteousness, and Spiritual Independence

When there is pride in my life, I have an independent and a self-sufficient spirit. When there is brokenness in my life, I've learned the secret of denying myself. When there is brokenness in my life, I'm motivated to serve others.

When God has given me a broken heart, I've got a motivation to be faithful and to make others a success. But when there is pride in my life, I am self-protective of my time, my rights, my reputation.

When there is pride in my life, I desire to be served. When there is pride in my life, I desire to be successful. When there is pride in my life, I want to be self-advanced. But when God has given me a broken heart, I have a sense of my own unworthiness.

I'm so thrilled that God would use me in any kind of a ministry. I'm eager for others to get the credit, and I rejoice when others are lifted up. When my heart is broken before God, I have an attitude that says I don't deserve to have any part in this ministry.

I know that I've got nothing to offer God except the life of Christ that's flowing through my broken life. And I'm so humbled by how much I've got to learn. And I'm not concerned with a self-life. And I take, and I'm willing to risk, I'm willing to risk to get close to others and to take the risk of loving people intimately.

But when there is pride in my life, I've got this unbelievable drive to be recognized. I want to be appreciated. I'm deeply offended and wounded when others are promoted and I've been overlooked. When there is pride in my life, I've got this subconscious feeling that this ministry is so privileged to have me and the gifts that God has given to me.

And all I think is what I can do for God. And when there is pride in my life, I feel confident by how much I know. And I'm self-conscious. When there is pride in my life, I keep people at a distance.

When there is pride in my life, I am quick to blame others. When there is pride in my life, I'm unapproachable. I'm defensive when I'm criticized. When there is pride in my life, I'm concerned about being respectable with what others think.

I try to protect my work, my image, my reputation. When there is pride in my life, I find it very difficult to share my own spiritual needs. When there is pride in my life, I want to be sure that no one finds out when I sin.

I've got this instinct to cover things up. When there is pride in my life, I've got a hard time saying, I was really wrong and I need your forgiveness. When there is pride in my life, I'm concerned about the consequences of my sin.

I'm remorseful over my sin simply because I've been caught and found out. When there is pride in my life, I always wait for others to come and ask forgiveness when there is a misunderstanding or a conflict in the relationship.

I compare myself with others and I feel worthy of honor. I'm blind to my own spiritual heart condition. I don't think I've got anything to repent of. I don't think that I need revival, but man, I'm sure that other people needs revival.

Repentance, Reconciliation, and Walking in the Light

When there is brokenness in my life, I receive criticism with a humble and an open spirit. I'm so easy to be entreated. When there is brokenness in my life, I'm concerned about being real. What I care about and what matters to me is not what others think, but what God knows and I'm willing to die for my own reputation.

When I live, when I serve God with a broken heart, I'm willing to be open, transparent with others. And once God has broken my heart, I don't care who knows or who finds out about me. I'm willing to be exposed because I've got nothing to lose.

When I'm broken before God, I'm quick to admit my failures and seek forgiveness when necessary. And when I'm under the conviction of the Spirit of God, I'm able to acknowledge the specifics about my sin.

And I'm grieved over the course and the root of my sin when I live a broken Christian life. And when I'm broken, I'm truly and genuinely repentant over my sin. And the evidence is the fact that I want to forsake it.

And when I'm broken, I take the initiative to be reconciled when there is a misunderstanding or a conflict in the relationship. And I race to the cross and I see if I can get there first, no matter how wrong the other party may have been.

And when I'm broken before God, I compare myself with the holiness of God. I feel desperate and need of His mercy and His glory. And I want to walk in the light. And I realize I have a need for a consistent heart attitude of cleansing and repentance.

And when I'm broken, I continually sense my need for a fresh unction and an encounter of God and a fresh filling with the Spirit of God. If you live this, you don't need to live in any other way. You know, we know so much about the Word of God, but I tell you, the Word of God knows so little about us, you know.

A Prayer for Revival and a Burden for the Church

Father, we are in the last 34 minutes of these glorious two days. And Lord, the thing that I've been so broken about is that we're only scratching the surface. And Father, You said to us in Your Word that I will not give You the land at once, but I will give You the land portion by portion.

And Lord, there was so much burning and arrogance in my heart as far as this time. And I pray that somehow over this weekend, Father God, that You will give birth to these pastors' conferences. And we would long to call them pastors' prayer encounters.

Lord, we don't want to call them retreats. The church has been retreating all its life. But we want to move forward with God. And I pray today, Father, that here in South Africa, if God is going to do something, it needs to start with the leadership.

That here in South Africa, in place after place, Father God, that You will give birth to these encounters that men and women will have with God. Lord, if You're not going to come to us, how are You going to come to our people?

I was reminded of Evan Roberts, who so often used to say, God, bend the church and break the people. And we pray for our land. Father, if You're outside of South Africa and You come back into this beautiful country and You discover the immensity of the burden of God, You feel that we can walk around in this country like weeping prophets, proclaiming the reality of the greatness of the possibility of the outpouring of the Spirit of God and revival.

And I want to pray that in the closing moments of this morning, Father, isn't it possible as we contemplate this great subject of prayer and as we try to fit into 30 minutes, 80 hours of material that is burning in my soul, help us just to touch on the realities of coming to the understanding that the God that we are serving does not necessarily answer prayer because we are praying, but the God that we are serving answers prayer because He is a covenant-keeping God.

Father, the psalmist said, Thou that hearest prayer. And I pray this morning that somehow that You will take our lives and make from our lives unto 30 years souls. And we're not saying to you this morning that prayer is everything, but God, we want to say to you that we want everything to come through prayer.

And we don't want to be like the Americans, Lord, who do not pray. And the reason why we don't pray in America is because we do not believe that it's going to make a difference. So give unto us, as Jonathan Edwards used to say, when God is going to do a great thing, He raised up a group of people that will be committed to a life in the ministry of intercessory prayer.

And Father, as we move into Sunday morning, Lord, there are probably, I don't know, 1 ,500, 2 ,000 people who have no clue by what God has been doing in our hearts yesterday and today. And I can't even imagine stepping into that pulpit at the Klipkart tomorrow and try to communicate these concepts to these men and women.

But Lord, You said to us, the preparation of the heart belongs to God. And in the hours of today and tonight, Lord, I don't even know if I'm going to sleep tonight, but isn't it possible that somehow You can prepare our hearts that in these final days, from tomorrow morning onwards till Thursday night, that God will put us in the midst of an organized disorder, not just here, but in every single place that we will be able to reach out.

Thank You for the privilege of being with multi-ministries today. I feel so inadequate to come alongside this great work. And God, this work, we're not trying to make a name for ourselves. We're not trying to put this ministry on the table in South Africa, but we are passionate about the glory of God.

And You said to us, I will give my glory to no man. And we want to be in the dust before God and see God working in this country in a way that You have never worked before. In Jesus' name. Amen. You know, the medical profession is giving us a remarkable illustration, and they are saying to us that when a child is born in a house, that they say to us that during the first six months of the life of this child, is it true to say that this baby found itself being exposed to what they would consider as millions of different sounds and voices that is taking place in the average household?

And then they would say to us that after a period of six months, is it true to say that that child being so conditioned by the noises and the sounds and the voices, that that little bundle of life that God has entrusted unto us has come to the place where that baby is able to discern between all the voices and the noises and the voices of what we would consider as the primary caregivers within that household.

And that baby is able to say mama or papa or mommy or daddy and is able to begin to respond because of the process that has taken place. And the medical profession gives this scenario a definition or a name.

And I love the word that they use. They refer to it as the process of saturation. You see, if a child is born in a house in the first six months of the life of this child, there's not going to be any sound that is taking place in that household.

And we would anticipate that after six months, that child will be able to say mommy or daddy, it's just not going to happen. And so they gave us this name and they refer to it as the process of saturation that has taken place in the name and the life of this child.

Learning the Language of Prayer Through Scripture

And my brother and my sister, I want to say to you this morning, the only way that we're going to learn the language of prayer is when that which God is saying to us in his word, when that becomes part of our relationships with God.

Because you see, we can't move from our experiences with God as it relates to prayer, to the exposition of the word of God. Because if we're going to do that, we will become such emotional basket cases.

We will only pray when we feel like it. We will not be committed to the discipline of a life in the ministry of intercessory prayer. And the greatest disaster that will take place is that there is the possibility that we will isolate scripture and we will say that if scripture doesn't fit into my experience, it's not acceptable for me.

Where we believe from a theological perception, when it comes to the interpretation of scripture and the exegesis of God's word, that the word of God needs to become part of our lives and the consequences of the word of God becoming part of my life brings me to the place where I pray even when I don't feel like it.

That's right. Where prayer becomes part of my relationship with God. Where prayer becomes so important in my relationship with God, where Martin Luther said, I've got so much to do today that I need to spend three hours alone in the presence of God.

I need to tell you that if you and I have learned the secret of developing a life of being committed to God in prayer, I've discovered that after my times alone with God, I accomplish in a very short, brief period of time, sometimes twice as much as when I have not spent that time alone in the presence of God.

You know, prayer to me is like breathing. Breathing takes place in our lives because breathing is a negative reaction. I breathe because of the pressure that is taking place upon my lungs. And because of the pressure that is taking place, I need to breathe.

I mean, it's a natural thing, you know. You didn't come into the session this morning and say, hey, you know, I had a tough time breathing today. It's just part of what our lives are all about. So when you and I begin to look at prayer, and you know, I was sitting here, I thought, man, how are you going to share with him some of these incredible concepts when the Bible is speaking to us about prayer?

Because it is so rich and it's so incredible. If we would have had time this morning to look at the 16 moral imperatives of God as it relates to prayer in the Old Testament, it is just an unbelievable, blessed study.

If we would have been able to look at the prayer life of Moses, 104 times God spoke to Moses and he only spoke to God 25 times. If we would come to the understanding of prayer, that prayer is initiated by God and we look at these concepts and the beauty of these concepts.

In fact, I spent 90 minutes a number of years ago with about 90 to 100 pastors in the city of Calgary and they flew me in one morning to speak to them on the theology of prayer. And may I say to you again today, brother and sister, you never get to the place where you really know how to pray.

The moment when you think you've got it together, it's like running into the ocean and you feel I've gone so deep and I can't go any deeper and the water has just got to the ankles. You never get to the place where you conquer prayer.

And may I say to you this morning, it's not the times that you and I spend with God, it's the times that God spends with us, you know. That's what makes the difference. And that morning, I walked into the midst of those men there in Calgary in Western Canada and I turned to these men and I said to them, gentlemen, we're going to spend an hour and a half in the prayer life of a man with the name of Enoch on the Old Testament.

And I could see the wheels turning saying to me, ah man, which translation of the Bible are you going to use? But you know what we did? We plowed through this understanding of the biblical theology of being changed by God in the place as it relates to prayer.

I took him to the life of Enoch on the Old Testament. It's a beautiful word in the Hebrew language. It's the word talak. The Bible says Enoch walked with God. We discovered the context of the passage.

We came to the realization that it was not possible for Enoch to walk with God and not to become a man of prayer. Neither was it possible for him to become a man of prayer and not to walk with God. And we plowed into the New Testament.

Christ’s Prayer Life and Transformation

We came into the Gospel of Luke. I don't know if you realized this morning that the Gospel of Luke is giving us 99 more information about the prayer life of Christ and his teachings about prayer than Matthew and Mark's Gospel together.

You say, why do we find it in the Gospel of Luke? You see, in the Gospel of Matthew, we're looking upon Jesus as the King of the Jews. In the Gospel of Mark, we see Christ as the servant of God. In the Gospel of John, we're looking upon Christ as the Son of God.

But when you and I come to the Gospel of Luke, Luke was a physician and a historian and he's giving us 50 technical miracle terms in the Gospel of Luke. And in the Gospel of Luke, we discover the humanity of Christ.

Listen, brother and sister, deity do not have a necessity to pray, but humanity has. And then the Gospel of Luke became a man of prayer. And I took them into the Greek New Testament. And we began to look at the possibility of God changing us.

And I took them to the Mount of Transfiguration. Matthew chapter 17 doesn't say a word about prayer. Mark chapter 9, not a word about prayer. And we went to Luke chapter 9 and at the Mount of Transfiguration, Luke and his Gospel emphasize the prayer life of Christ.

And he said in Luke chapter 9, while Jesus was praying, he was transfigured. We plough into this understanding of the Greek New Testament, God changing us through prayer. I took them to Hebrews chapter 11, when the writer to the Hebrews made the statement and he referred to Enoch in the Old Testament.

And he said, by faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death. And he said, God translated him. And before his testimony, before his translation, he had to stand. And we took this word being translated in the place of prayer.

And then we ploughed into Romans chapter 12, when he said, I beseech you by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God. And we came to Romans chapter 12 verse 2.

And he said, be not conformed to this world, but he said, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And then we went into 2 Corinthians chapter 3. And you remember how the apostle Paul used the prayer life of Moses.

When Moses came down from the mountain, there was a fragrance upon the life of Moses. It's a great word in the Hebrew language. It comes from the Hebrew word for the word spirit, which is the word ruach.

And we discover this fragrance. It's the word rayach in the Hebrew language. And when Moses came down from the mountain to put this veil in front of his face, because he was so glory, so he was so transparent and he was so broken that he carried with him a sense of the fragrance of God.

And we went to 2 Corinthians chapter 3. And the apostle Paul made this statement. He said, as we in a mirror or in a glass are in the process of beholding the glory of God. And the apostle Paul used an illustration out of the city of Corinth.

And as he used that illustration, the women in Corinth made these little mirrors with their hands. And he said, as we in a glass or in a mirror are in the process of beholding the glory of the Lord. He said, we find ourselves being transformed from one degree of glory into the other.

The Secret Place and the Holiest of All

Brethren and sisters, I want to tell you something this morning. The place where God has changed me through the years, it's not when I listen to other people. Wonderful as that may be. Not when I read the books and all these kind of things.

You know the place where God has changed me through the years. It's this place alone with God. And isn't it amazing when the Lord Jesus gave us in the New Testament what we would consider the Lord's prayer.

I need to be honest with you this morning. I don't think it's really the Lord's prayer. It's the prayer that He taught His disciples to pray. You say, what happened in the Lord's prayer? I don't think God has given us that prayer, brother and sister, necessarily to repeat that.

You say, why do you say that? Because the one in Matthew chapter 6 is not the same that we discover in Luke chapter 11. It's a beautiful statement in the Greek language. You say, what is it? Jesus said, when you pray, in the Greek language, it's a great statement.

It's the word, He tasks you on. He said, when you pray, He said, pray according to these lines. And my brother and my sister, you know, in the Lord's prayer, He has given unto us the ingredients of developing a personal prayer.

You say, what are you speaking about? He's speaking about the place of prayer. He said, go into your secret den or your closet. He's speaking about the paternity of God in prayer. He said, pray to your Father, which He said never.

He speaks about the program of God in prayer. He's speaking about the plan of God in prayer. He's speaking about the provision of God in prayer. He said, give us this day our daily prayer. He's speaking about the pardon of God in prayer.

He said, forgive us our debts. He gives you the secret of discovering the doctrine of repentance and the life of a spiritful believer and the beauty and discovering my inadequacy when I come into the presence of God.

And all I can say to God is nothing in my hands I bring simply to thy cross cycling. Speaking about the protection of God in prayer. And in the beauty of what he said, when he spoke about the walking with God in prayer, he said, when you pray, he said, enter into your, and I love the word in the old King James version of the Bible.

He said, enter into your closet. You see, the gospel of Matthew was written to the Jews, brother and sister. And you can imagine those Jewish disciples sitting there. And when Jesus spoke of this closet four times in the Greek New Testament, we come across this word.

And when he spoke about this secret place, this closet, you know, the Jew, when he sat there, his only understanding of what Christ was speaking about was the holiest of all in the tabernacle of God. The place where the high priest was able to enter in once a year on the great day of the atonement.

So when Christ came to him and Dr. A .T. Pearson and his little exposition on that passage, he said the Jew had this understanding. I could never enter into the holiest of all. But you remember when Jesus died for us in the cross, brother and sister, and he cried those beautiful words on the Greek language when he said it, he's finished, it's all inside.

The moment when he died on the cross for us, listen to what the Bible says. The veil of the temple was shrank from the top to the bottom. Why did that happen? The way into the holiest was open. The writer to the Hebrews comes to us this morning.

What did he say? He said, having therefore brethren boldness to enter into the holiest, how by the blood of Jesus through a new and a living way, which he has consecrated for us through the veil, that is to say his flesh.

And he said, having a high priest over the house of God, he said, let us draw near with a true heart, full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.

Can I ask you this morning in our times alone with God, do we know the secret to the holiest of all? Boldness. You say, what is it? I love, I used to love this word came from the lips of dear Roger Volk.

Those of you who know him, Roger Volk used to say, it's a sensation of desperation. I wonder this morning if I can ask you, do you have this place where God meets you? You know, maybe you're like me. I'm one of those people.

I need an enormous amount of encouragement, you know. My wife often finds me, you know, my wife's just a wonderful, precious, precious woman. And you can pray for us. I mean, I spent 80 to 100 days just on planes, $50 ,000, $60 ,000 a year on these simple things that fly through the air, you know.

And it's awful. And, you know, away from Janet Zemanek for six months of the year, two weeks home, two weeks gone. And I was so glad this morning when my wife phoned me. And one of the last things as we talked to each other, she said, now, Daddy, I'm going to pray for you right on the phone.

You know, it's expensive, but it's worth it, you know. I want to ask you this morning. She finds me many times, three, four o 'clock in the mornings under a blanket, right in the corner of my study there in the coldness of Canada.

She would lift it up and she'd say, what is it? What is it, Gerard? And I would turn to her and I would say to her, my darlings, the reason for my existence. Why did he save you? Have you become like one of those gristy bears in Yellowstone Park in the United States?

The Purpose of Salvation and Living for Christ

Every year, the gamekeepers have to destroy them a certain time of the year. You see, people are feeding them out of their vehicles and as they are feeding them out of the vehicles, these bears begin to sit alongside the road and they're giving them food and as they are giving them food, these bears become aggressive and then the gamekeepers come with the helicopters and they sedate them and they take them into the mountains 25, 30 miles away and in two, three days, they're back at the roads and when they come right back to the roads, these gamekeepers are in absolute agony and then a certain time of the year, they try to take them into secret highways, little byways and country roads there and they kill these bears and when you come across these guys, when they shoot and destroy these bears and you say to them, what is it?

Why are you killing these bears? And again, they turn to an absolute agony and they say, we don't want to shoot these bears and you say, so why are you doing it? You know what they say? They said, we are shooting them because people are feeding them, they become aggressive and they turn to an agony and they say, they've lost the reason for their existence.

Can I ask you this morning, why did God save us? One life to live, only that which is done for Christ will last. You know, Judson, the little man that went to Burma, the great missionary, the great missionary that went to Burma and when Judson came back from Burma and he poured his life into the mission field and when he came back to Boston Harbor, there was a crowd of people expecting to see this little missionary and they used to call him the modern apostle Paul and when the ship boarded in Boston Harbor and there were newspapers, Christian newspapers, waiting for Judson to come and people were coming off from the boat and as they were coming off, he was still in his cabin and he was getting his little things together and eventually they said, where's Judson?

Where's the great missionary? And he took him all the time and eventually these reporters and some Christian leaders went onto the ship and as they got onto the ship, they came into his cabin and they filled his cabin and here was this little insignificant missionary and they came to him and some of these reporters just blurted out and they said, Judson, you're the missionary?

He said, yes. They said, you've come back to the United States? He said, yes. And they were all there and they turned to him, they said, you are regarded as the modern apostle Paul and suddenly little Judson just dropped his head and he began to weep, they said, and he wept and there was a hush that came upon this cabin and when everything was quiet, he lifted his hand to God and he said, God, I never wanted them to compare me with the life of the apostle Paul I wanted them to compare me with the life of Christ.

You see, if you take care of the gracing upon Christ, God is going to take care of the growing, you know. So he said, what is it? It's the place, the holiest of all, the brokenness. That's why Jesus said, you know, blessed are the pure in heart.

Why? Because they shall see God. Observation affects brother and sister intercession. That's why the prophets in the Old Testament, when they pray in the Old Testament, what did they say? They said, the burden of the Lord was upon me.

The Vision of God and the Burden of Prayer

What was it? This word burden is a marvelous word. You know, it's the Hebrew word Masa. It's based upon the revelation. It came out of the life of Moses. 40 years. Moses was the prince in Egypt and you remember after 40 years, Moses became the shepherd in Midian and brother and sister after 80 years.

Hey, listen, God is never in a hurry and seldom late, you know. And do you know what happened to Moses? This is what needs to happen to us, you know, when God comes and he puts the sentence of death upon the self life.

Brother and sister, the thing about prayer is not taking all our stuff to God. The thing about prayer is us coming to God and let God work in our lives and we discover the will of God. And as we discover the will of God and we pray according to the will of God and we get it and we do the will of God and the blessing of God will rest upon it and we would stand back in amazement to see God allow us to be part of the greatness what he is doing.

And you know what needs to happen to us? What happened to Moses? There was the birth of the vision. There was the death of the vision. And you know what? There was the resurrection of the vision. And after 80 years, the burning bush, what was the difference?

It was not consumed. And God came to Moses and said, Moses, take off the shoes from off your feet because you're standing on holy ground. And here comes the burden of God. You say, what is it? It's the revelation of God.

Brother and sister, can I ask you, have you lost the vision of God in South Africa? The vision. I'm sitting with 5 ,000 pastors in the city of Lima in the beautiful land of Peru. 1983, only 4 of Peruvians were evangelicals.

Today, 18 of them. There's a move of the spirit of God in that country. We sit with 5 ,000 pastors and missionaries. Four glorious days of prayer of what is going to happen if God turn up in these gatherings.

Can I ask you this morning, have you lost the vision of God? Have you lost the vision of the fatherhood of God? Jesus said, when you pray, you say our father. It's an incredible thing, you know. You know that the word Jehovah did not exist.

The Hebrew scholars took the first name of God, which is the word Jehovah. There's really four letters in the Hebrew language. And they took the name of God, which is the name Adonai. And they took the vowels and the consonants out of those two words.

And what did they do? They brought them together. And that's where the word Jehovah comes. Hey, is God still our father? The loving father. He's not looking for people who's going to kill themselves. He's looking for lovers.