Grace Part 3: in relationships: dealing with conflict — Bruce Rodgers

Let's speak to God in prayer. Our Gracious Father, we would like to approach Thee recognizing that the Lord Jesus has become our Peacemaker. He has become our peace and brought us to Thee, giving to us a place of favor, of nearness, so that we are now accepted in the Beloved One.

We realize that this is a disposition, an attitude, an act of grace on Thy part. For we have never been able to be pure, obedient, or worthy of such favor, such love, such care. We thank Thee for the worthiness of Thy Beloved Son.

We thank Thee that He died on our behalf, and now in Thy very presence He actually intercedes for us, and we are so grateful to Thee for this provision for our need. We thank Thee that as we approach Thee we are conscious that we are coming to a throne of grace.

So we pray that Thou would help us, that we might obtain mercy for our failings and find grace to help in time of need that would keep us and strengthen us to serve Thee. We pray that Thou would draw near as we open Thy Word again tonight, that Thou might mercifully use the frail vessel of clay, and through the gracious ministry of Thy Spirit that Thou would bless our spirits, that Thou would strengthen us spiritually and enable us to walk in Thy grace.

We would remember those who are dying in their sins, and we realize that this is a tragedy beyond any comprehension. We would cry to Thee that there might be a few more people who will be caused to turn from that darkness and respond to the light of Thy grace.

We think of this dear man who is presently drawing near to death. May it please Thee, O God, to give to him enough clarity of thought and humility of mind to accept the Gospel, to acknowledge the truth that he has perhaps known about for many years.

We pray that he might be saved. Our Father, we just commit ourselves now to Thee and pray for Thy wisdom and help in opening up Thy Word. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen. Let's look together, please, in 1 Peter chapter 1.

1 Peter chapter 1, what I want to look at tonight is the theme is displaying grace in our relationships. And so we're going to notice a number of expressions in 1 Peter, and most of them start out with as, and it reflects various relationships.

So in chapter 1 we have, in verse 14, as obedient children, and that's relationship to our Father. And in each case I want to hopefully draw attention to a condition that this is overcoming, a context in which this grace is to be seen.

And as we see in this example, it is despite former habits and lifestyle. So we're going to try to go down through a little bit of the first chapter and the second chapter and into the third chapter, just noticing some of these expressions.

So let's start at verse 13. Well, maybe we should notice a couple of times that the word grace is used before that. Verse 10 says, of which salvation the prophets have inquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you.

And then in verse 13 we have the next reference to grace. Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Obedient Children and Holiness Before the Father

As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance, but as he which has called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation or behavior. Because it is written, be ye holy for I am holy.

And if you call on the Father, who without respect of persons judges according to every man's work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear. The relationship of God as Father is one of the most precious aspects of the New Testament.

And it's evident that the Lord Jesus in coming among us and bringing the full revelation of grace and truth, he came, as we learn from John chapter 1, as the only begotten Son who is in the bosom of the Father.

And we find right at the beginning of this chapter, in verse 3, we have, blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to his abundant mercy has begotten us again unto a living hope.

So God has become our Father. And so in this relationship that we are now in to God as our Father, it shouldn't be surely too much for him to expect that we would be obedient children. For those of us who are or have been parents, there's nothing that gives more joy than children that are obedient, that appreciate the care that they are being given, and are willing to subject their own wills and their own desires and interests to be obedient.

So you notice here that from verse 13 down is really where we have the beginning of exhortations to us. I like to point out in 1 Peter chapter 1 that the first 12 verses, even though there's some really amazing things told us in there, there's no exhortations to us.

It's just an explanation of the greatness of our salvation. And twice in those first 12 verses we are told that we greatly rejoice. We greatly rejoice in salvation and we greatly rejoice in the Lord Jesus.

And Peter in his writing to these suffering saints going through persecution, he assumes that they are greatly rejoicing in the assurance of the wonderful salvation that they have become sharers of. And really the word salvation here is used in its comprehensive sense, the fullness of salvation.

And so that's why in verse 13 he says,. So he's looking forward to the completion of salvation and the grace that is to be experienced in the coming of the Lord. Girding up the loins of your mind. It's our thinking that gets us into trouble.

And this imagery is quite vivid. It is like a flowing cloak or robe that in those days would be commonly worn. And if you were going to be doing any work or if you had to run or something like that, you would better have it girded up or else you would trip on it.

And so this is the kind of idea that we need to pull our minds, our thoughts together. They need to be girded up so we don't get tripped up by straying thoughts, either unrighteous thoughts or wrong attitudes as we were looking at last evening.

Be sober, be realistic, have a sober-minded evaluation of life as well as of yourself. And then that expression, hope to the end, really doesn't mean as that literally sounds. We're not just hoping to the end and hoping things will turn out.

Really I like the, I think it's the New King James that puts it this way. Rest your hope fully. Rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Now what that's suggesting is that we need to fix our hope, our anticipation upon what Christ is going to bring to us at His coming.

Life is often a series of disappointments. People disappoint us, our jobs disappoint us, things that we expected would bring great joy and stability of life sometimes turn out otherwise. But in the Lord Jesus there is not any disappointment or disillusionment.

So the more that we fix or rest our hope for good upon what He is going to bring to us, the fullness of our salvation, the eternal blessedness of being with Him forever, the less disappointed and knocked down we're going to be as we go through life.

And so this links then with this relationship as obedient children, turning away from the things that perhaps once characterized us and controlled our life, the former lusts as He refers to them. But in recognition that the calling that we have had is from a God who is holy, a God who is without evil, a God who has drawn us towards that spiritual perfection of His own nature and character.

And if we can just grasp this, He's the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. And what the Lord Jesus is today in His glorified manhood, we are going to share that blessedness. We are going to share that perfection, that purity, that holiness.

And so we are to aim our life, direct our life towards that goal so that we will truly reflect the character of our Father. And verse 17 connects with that idea, if, and it's literally, if you call Him Father.

You know, it's one of the characteristics of life on earth that we go through phases of life and all of us at one time were children, whether we remember it or not, and totally dependent upon parents and then we became independent, some faster than others, some more healthily independent than others, but we all arrived at an independence of our parents.

And then in the progression of life, we start parenting our parents. That's the progress of life on earth. But it's different with our Heavenly Father. We will never be independent of Him. We will never be no longer accountable to Him.

There will always exist this relationship of sonship with God as our Father. And so this character or aspect of Him as the one who impartially judges according to every man's work. I'm sure we know this, but sometimes it helps to be reminded that God is not impressed with who we are and He's not impressed with who we think we are.

He's not impressed with what family we're from. He's not impressed with what heritage we have, whether we're first generation, fifth generation Christians or whatever we may be. Sometimes that has influence.

Sometimes that affects how people, even Christians, relate to one another. But as God deals with us, He deals with us impartially, according as our behavior and works are. And so He says, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear.

That is, in consciousness of reverence for God and also in consciousness of avoiding evil which is around us. Now, we already looked at the one that is really next in line as newborn babes in chapter 2 in verse 2, so we're not going to look at that one again.

Living Stones and the Spiritual House of God

But further in chapter 2, we have in verse 4, to whom coming as unto a living stone disallowed indeed of men but chosen of God and precious, ye also as living stones are built up a spiritual house and holy priesthood to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.

So here clearly the relationship is the living stones fitting with the living stone. So our relationship to Christ. And that is, obviously, if you go down through the context, right down to verse 10, as it says here, maybe we should just read verse 9 and 10, but you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people, that you should show forth the praises of him who has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light, which in time past were not a people but are now the people of God, which had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.

So now we are as living stones fitting into the very holy residence of God for eternity, his holy temple, his dwelling place. And we are connected to Christ who is the defining cornerstone of the building.

And that's despite the former condition of alienation from God, the distance that we were from God, the darkness that we were in, as verse 9 and 10 outline for us. Now, it's one thing that is important for us to remind ourselves about, is that we have been called of God into a unique relationship to himself.

There is nothing closer to God than what we will experience. As Ephesians 3 teaches us, we are going to be part of the outshining of the glory of God as God reveals himself and is glorified in the ages upon ages to come in Christ and the church.

In fact, what is very unique in Ephesians 3 at the end of the chapter is that the glory of God is said to be in the church and in Christ, even emphasizing the church especially. And so, that reality is following through exactly what we have here, that we are being fitted and formed into the holy temple of God, a living temple.

God has never been satisfied to live in a stone sanctuary. He wants a living sanctuary made of people in which he can live and walk and be their God and they can be his people, as he says in 2 Corinthians chapter 6.

And so, remember in Acts 17, Paul talking to the Athenians says that God does not dwell in temples made with hands. So God is creating a temple that will correspond to his living power and glory and character.

And the beautiful thing is that we fit there. Despite all that we are in ourselves that might be wrong or defective now, what God has created in us in the new birth is something that fits with Christ and will be in harmony with him forever.

So we are not only living stones forming the temple, but we are also a holy priesthood. So we are part of that which brings praise and worship to God. And the Lord Jesus, of course, is our great high priest in that relationship.

Holy Strangers and Pilgrims in a Hostile World

Now let's move down to chapter 2, verse 11. And he says, Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your behavior honest among the Gentiles, that whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works which they shall behold glorify God in a day of visitation.

It's really the relationship that we've been brought into in the heavenly citizenship and heavenly relationship to Christ and to God as the sanctuary of God that constitutes us strangers and pilgrims on earth.

But the first relationship that is emphasized here is to ourselves. He says, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul. So here we are as sanctified sojourners, as holy strangers here on earth.

We don't really fit. We don't really belong. Whether it's at work, in our neighborhood, even though we may have fairly good relationships, we are not one of them and they should know it. They should sense that we are holy people.

They should sense that we have a connection to God and we don't quite belong in their atmosphere of ungodliness. But if we're going to be that and if we're going to be a testimony, a light as is reflected here, there's one thing we have to win and that is the war that is going on within us.

So the grace of God in its effect in our own beings is to overcome sin, to overcome those desires that are called fleshly lusts which war against the soul. I've just been doing quite a bit of studying through Romans 7 and in that chapter you get that agonizing wrestling and defeat of struggling against something within us and finally coming to the recognition that it's not me, it's sin that dwells in me.

Now that doesn't sound like much consolation if you're still being defeated, but it is a primary recognition of a battle and that I am distinct from this power of evil that is at work trying to enslave and control my behavior in life.

One of the most important things for us to discern is that those desires which we have a tendency to just simply naively take as our own, it's what I want, it's what I feel, it's what I desire, but rather to say it's evil, it is sin, it is something that God has severed me from.

But here as it says, these fleshly lusts which war against the soul, what is that saying? Really it's saying that our souls were meant for truth, for holiness, for love, righteousness and goodness. Our souls were never meant to express impurity, the corruption of the flesh and so on.

And so these lusts are actually at war against the true life of the soul and actually destroy the very enjoyment of life that we are intended to experience. And so it is very essential for us to, as it says here, to abstain from, that is remove yourself from it, do not obey it or follow it or allow it to take over.

Having your behavior good, the word honest here is good or suitable among the Gentiles that whereas they speak against you as evil doers and there's nothing that an unbeliever likes better than to point out some inconsistency, some failing, some fleshliness in a Christian.

But he says even though they try to speak against you as evil doers, they will have to admit that it's not true. They will have to recognize that through your good works which they shall behold, they will be caused to honor God.

And I would think that here when it speaks of glorifying God in a day of visitation, that this is in a positive sense, not God coming in and sweeping judgment, but God in mercy blessing in a time of visitation in salvation.

So that if we can endure through the slander and the ignorance of unsaved people and carry a good attitude towards them and manifest a Godly life before them, when God in his mercy gives a time of visitation, we will be there to be the lights to attract them to the knowledge of truth and of God.

We can't create the day of visitation necessarily, but we can be there when God is working. So we not only have sanctified sojourners, but what follows in the verses flowing from that is really our citizenship.

Submission to Authorities and Public Witness

And so we have as submissive citizens among the Gentiles despite slander and ignorance. Verse 13, Submit yourselves therefore to every ordinance of men for the Lord's sake, whether it be to the king as supreme or unto governors as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evil doers and for the praise of them that do well.

For so is the will of God that with well-doing you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men as free and not using your liberty for a cloak of maliciousness or wickedness, but as servants of God.

I think this is really a key expression here that really gives the key to this part of the chapter. So I want to sort of merge together the idea of the submissive citizens, which is just basically living in the community in a respectful, honorable way so that people will have nothing truly evil to say about us and all of the ignorant slander that goes on against Christians.

That it would be put to silence. I remember when we were first up in Capuscasing, it was actually around the same time, I don't know if some of you would remember, the Jonestown Massacre. Way down in South America, somebody, Mr. Jones of some kind, some kind of a Christian leader, I mean, Christian, claimed to be a Christian leader, took a group of people way down there and had this community and then had a mass suicide.

Terrible tragedy. So there was a lot of this idea of cults, cults, cults, that was shocking people and Murray Pratt and I came up to the community of Capuscasing, which was a very Catholic community, and they didn't have a clue who we were or what to connect us with.

We didn't know for quite a while some of the ideas that were being put around about us, but somehow just before we had come there, the Moonies had come through. Somehow we had been associated with the Moonies, I have no idea how that happened.

But when we found out a little bit later, this would be probably almost two years later, when we were looking for land to build a hall and we ended up in the mayor's office and the town clerk and I'm not sure exactly how we ended up there, it was something to do with arrangements for buying some property and they finally asked us to come to meet with them.

And the mayor said, I want to ask you a straight question, do you have any association with the Moonies? And so we said, well obviously not. So then we explained kind of where we fit in the spectrum of evangelical Christianity.

As soon as we clarified that, well then his attitude toward us changed and he said, now what can we do for you? They were very, you know, were willing to help us out with anything basically. And actually they ended up giving us the land, well not quite, they sold it to us for $2, some town land.

But there were all kinds of rumors that went around, things like that everybody that came to our meetings and became part of the group had to pay us a certain percentage of their income and they had to sell a whole bunch of their stuff and give it to us and all of these kinds of things that we have no idea where all it came from.

But the trouble is when you don't know, you can believe anything. And that is what happens to believers. The ignorance of foolish men. So how is it going to be silenced? By goodness. By activity in goodness, by a life that is respectful, that people can observe and see.

But basically, as he puts it here, as servants of God. And if there's one thing that I would encourage you to try to do, and I know I need to remind myself of this as well daily, remember that wherever you are, whoever you're with, whatever your responsibilities of life are, think of yourself as being God's servant there.

Whatever your natural reasons for being where you are, what you're involved in and so on, God has a purpose for you there. And that purpose is for you to reflect him, for you to further his interests.

Grace Under Unjust Treatment at Work

And so that really follows through into the messages to servants or employees as submissive servants to employers. And what is spoken here is, despite injustice, verse 18 says, servants be subject to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward, that is the harsh.

For this is thankworthy. If a man for conscience toward God, endure grief, suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it if when you be buffeted for your faults you shall take it patiently, but if when you do well and suffer for it, you take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

Let me just point out, in verse 19 and 20, you have the word thankworthy, and then the word acceptable, and I think both of those words are actually the same word as the word for grace. And so if you just put that in, for this is grace, if a man for conscience toward God, endure grief, suffering wrongfully, if when you do well and suffer for it, and you take it patiently, this is grace with God.

So yes, God intends that we would manifest a power of life that goes beyond the natural expectations, and this is seen most often in our reactions to injustice, to wrong treatment. And then the example of the Lord Jesus is brought in, in a very interesting way, for even here unto where you called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example that you should follow his steps.

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth. Who when he was reviled, reviled not again, reviled not back. When he suffered, he threatened not, but committed himself to him that judges righteously.

Now this is going to come up again in chapter 3, in relationships even among Christians. But noticing it here first of all as among unbelievers, as an employee with an employer. He says you've been called to this, to do well, to serve God's interests, even under suffering.

And the example of the Lord Jesus is really looking directly at the time of his trial. And so when you see this verse, verse 22, who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth. Although it's perfectly true to apply that to his whole life, and we often quote this along with a couple of other verses that express the sinlessness of Christ throughout his life.

This is actually in reference to how he acted under provocation, how he acted under trial. If you go back to Isaiah 53 and verse 9, where this is a quotation from, you'll remember that there it's translated, because he had done no violence, neither was deceit found in his mouth.

So this is in reference to how he handled himself when he was being tortured, when he was being whipped, when he was being slapped in the face and spit upon and treated in this way. He did not threaten.

He did not retaliate violently, nor when he was being mocked and slandered. He did not rail back. Why? Because he knew he was in God's will, doing what God wanted him to do and be right there. So that consciousness of acting as a servant to God and God's interest is the key that is emphasized here.

And so, yes, that may mean that we may have to take unfair treatment, improper handling, and choose not to retaliate or vent or do something back in spite, but rather to keep acting out of the character of God in the power of his grace and strength.

You notice one of the things that is emphasized that how the Lord Jesus handled it is that he committed himself to the one who judges righteously. And that is one of the significant ways of overcoming the effect of evil that we experience.

That is to simply bring it to God and acknowledge that God knows and that God is just, God is righteous, and God can recompense. He can make it right in his own way, in his own time. And I like to remind people that God is all eternity to set things right, to establish the true honor of those who serve him and honor him.

And he is all eternity to punish those who do evil as well. Now, coming into chapter 3, we have another series of relationships involving family. We have wives and husbands in the first seven verses, and then verse 8 to about verse 12, you really have relationships among believers.

And then verse 13 down, you have relationships, again, among the unsaved and those saints suffering persecution. So I want to notice, just drawing attention to what it says here in the first six verses relating to wives, it is, there's a little verse, verse 6, that says, Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement or any terror.

Submission and Grace in Marriage

And so this is as submissive spouses. Now, I didn't really point out the fact, but from verse 13 of the last chapter, chapter 2 of 13, right down through at least this part of chapter 3, the theme is submission.

And the grace of God will lead us to be those who are submissive to authority. We recognize divinely appointed realms of authority, whether it is in our country, in our state, in our community, whether it is employers and employees, these are all realms of authority.

And in the marriage relationship, there is the headship of the husband. And so chapter 3 and verse 1, Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any, or even if any, obey not the word, they may also, without a word, be won by the conversation or behavior of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation or behavior coupled with fear.

And there's reference made to adorning, not the outward adorning, but rather what is spoken of in verse 4, the hidden man of the heart. In that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

So these characteristics then express a life of honor, a life of genuine spiritual beauty that has tremendous power. And the emphasis that is given here is that a wife who may be a believer, even with an unsaved partner, can have a profound influence upon him, an impact upon his attitude through their behavior.

So the aspect of submission and obedience on the wife's part is an expression of grace. And sometimes it's a lot of grace. Sometimes it's very difficult for a wife in a relationship. A husband may not take the proper leadership, or he may be a dominating head.

And so there's many ways in which it is an experience of difficulty for a wife. But in honoring the relationship, there is grace from God. There is grace to fulfill a meaningful relationship and to glorify God and to be again a servant of God for blessing.

Now in parallel to that in verse 7, you have likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life.

Let your prayers be not hindered. So this would be as heirs together, but I'm thinking now particularly of sensitive husbands, to their wives despite weaknesses. The marriage relationship is one of the most important relationships in the natural realm that express the character of God, that express the beauty of the life of God.

And that's one of the ways in which today, especially with so much disaster in marital relationships in the world, that a Christian marriage can be one of those avenues of the glory of God and the grace of God being very visible in a community and the contrast that the world will see in a godly marriage, a marriage in which the grace of God is a powerful effect.

And so there's the importance of sensitivity, of awareness. If the husband is in authority, he is in very intimate relationship. And just like a head to a body, the head is receiving communication as well as giving communication.

And so that's all part of the importance of that awareness, that sensitivity and knowledge, giving honor to the wife as unto a weaker vessel. And that is probably in the sense of physical, possibly emotional, and the recognition that there is tender care sensitivity necessary.

But there's another reason given, and that is that and as being airs together of the grace of life. And what is emphasized here is that when someone is married, they are actually inheriting life together with another person.

And so as an air together, it's obvious that there ought to be special care taken of the relationship because if you destroy the relationship, you destroy your own inheritance, you destroy your own blessing.

As being airs together of the grace of life, that your spiritual relationship also won't be hindered, your relationship to God. But in looking at Christian relationships from verse 8 to verse 12, the emphasis that is given here is as love as brethren.

Sympathetic Fellowship Among Believers

So I've put it down as sympathetic brethren. So this is relationships to one another despite hurts and provocation. So verse 8 says,. Finally, be all of one mind, having compassion one of another. And that whole phrase is really the translation of one word meaning sympathizing.

Love as brethren. Again, literally loving the brethren. Be pitiful, that is being full of pity. Be courteous or humble minded. Not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing. But contrary wise, blessing.

Knowing that you are there unto called, that you should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips that they speak no guile. Let him eschew or turn away from evil and do good.

Let him seek peace and ensue it or pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers. But the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. Now you could expect to experience evil from unbelievers.

That is recognized as being almost something to expect. But you shouldn't have to expect it from fellow Christians. And yet that is one of the things that hurts and destroys the working of God in the saints of God more than anything else.

And people have often asked me, you know, why is it? Why is it that sometimes we treat each other worse as fellow Christians than even happens in the world around us in our interactions with unsaved people?

Why is it that sometimes we are treated worse by our brethren and sisters than we are by our neighbors or our fellow workers? And I'm not sure why it is. But one thing I know is that we tend to have higher expectations of one another.

So we tend to be more critical of one another. We get upset with things more with one another than we do with the unsaved because we expect more of one another. So that is, I think, part of it. And I think all of us, as we go through life, we have to learn how to handle disappointment with other believers.

I remember a time in the assembly in Timmins where I remember looking around the assembly, one breaking a bread, and as I went around the whole circle, all I saw was limitation and failure. And I realized that however they may be limited or failing, I couldn't continue to carry an attitude like that.

I had to learn to think differently and hold a different attitude. So what is emphasized here is this. Try to keep a tenderness, a sympathy for one another. I know at times we get fed up with people. And we say, well, when are they ever going to learn?

When are they ever going to change? Why do they keep having to be like that? But I've still got traits. I've still got weaknesses. I've still got tendencies. And if anybody should have a little excuse, it should be someone like myself.

And so if I know that about myself, and yet I manage to carry on taking care of myself and being sympathetic to myself, why can't I show that to another believer? Why can't I carry the grace of God in my attitude to remember this, that God is working in that believer?

And even if I see nothing but flesh, God sees something more. He sees what he is trying to work at and accomplish in the life of that believer. So when he says, finally be all of one mind, that doesn't just mean just agree on everything.

That's not simply that kind of agreement. But it is in the sense of harmony together because we share a common faith, a common love, a common realm of being. And that is emphasized in Philippians 2 as well, that oneness of mind.