The Sin of Self Advancement - Puffed by Pride — Shane Idleman

Pride as the Root of Personal and Relational Destruction

The title is the sin of self-advancement. The sin of self-advancement puffed by pride. And if any of you heard the message I gave in Texas, I said this there as well, of all the pain and problems I have seen, of all the addictions and lusts that have taken people down, of all the angry homes and broken families I have witnessed, there is always one culprit, one criminal, at the core of that.

It's pride, pride, pride. At the root of those things often is pride. Pride in the hearts. Most marriage conflicts, most conflicts with others, or problems we're having in life, or at our job. Anybody have problems at the workplace, in the workforce?

Problems at church? There's often pride is at the root of that. It is deadly, it is damning, it is fatal, it is disastrous. And there's a lot of quotes that I want to share with you this morning that were very impactful on this topic.

One of the quotes, I think it was by an unknown author, there never was a man so empty as the man full of himself. You might be able to tweet that one. There was never a man so empty as the man full of himself.

Anger is fueled by pride. Addiction is strengthened by pride. And problems are magnified by pride. Now, most of us know what that means, but I'm gonna walk through a little bit of what that means from Genesis.

Nimrod, Rebellion, and the Tower of Babel

We find ourselves in Genesis chapter 10 and Genesis chapter 11. If you're new to the church, you can get caught up real quick, go back and read Genesis 1 through 11 and you're all caught up. I'm going through the entire Bible, probably over the next few years, to get through this wonderful book that God has given us.

Genesis 10, Cush begot Nimrod. Side note, I was gonna title this sermon, Don't Be a Nimrod, but I don't know if that's appropriate. Cush begot Nimrod, so his son. He began to be mighty on the earth. He was a mighty hunter before the Lord.

That's why it was said of him, like Nimrod, the mighty hunter before the Lord. And the beginning of his kingdom was at Babel. And then from that land, he went to Assyria and he built Nineveh. Most of us know Nineveh's not a good place.

It was the Assyrian capital. But that was, this is many, many hundreds of years, obviously before, I don't know exactly how many years. And this person, Nimrod, some people say it was possibly a individual, I mean, a group of people, but I believe it reads as if it were an individual.

Could have been a giant. Did you know there were giants in the land in those days? It's kind of hard to fathom, but the Bible is clear that Goliath's height and giants in the land, when they went to spy the land, it said they were full of giants.

And we don't know exactly what that meant. I mean, I've seen some archeological discoveries. I don't know if they've been doctored or not though. And you kind of wonder, but the Bible is clear that there were giants in those days, men probably like Sheck, the basketball player.

And so they believe that possibly giants came from this, he was a giant because they came from the line of Ham, Nimrod's grandfather. But the main thing that really stands out is Nimrod is often thought to be a rebel against the Lord.

Pride and rebellion, pride and rebellion. And then the famous story, we go right into the Tower of Babel, chapter 11. Now the whole earth had one language and one speech. The whole earth, remember, if we go back, God created Adam and Eve, the sin, the fall, the ark, the flood, and then Noah comes out.

I talked about addiction. Those of you struggling with addiction, go back about a month and watch those two messages. And then now we find ourselves in this spot of biblical history. And the whole earth was one language and one speech.

And I was reminded that this whole idea of racism is not biblical. There was one race, the human race in God's eyes. Now, of course, there's different ethnicities and different things, but there was only one language, one race as God designed it.

And it came to pass as they journeyed from the east that they found a plain in the land of Shinar and they dwelt there. Then they said to one another, come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.

They had brick for stone and they had asphalt for mortar. So they would allow the water with the clay there in that area, that region, they would kind of form it into bricks. And as it sits out in the sun, what happens?

It gets harder. And I was reminded at the first service of the famous quote from the Puritans. They say the same sun that melts the wax also hardens the clay. And we see that a lot here, the same word of God.

I'm preaching to the same group of people. Some of it melts like wax, others, hard as stone. What happened? I didn't preach differently to this side, the stone side. Wait, Brian, Kathleen, you better switch it.

This is a clay side, they're the wax side, but I didn't preach differently. Same word of God, same message. And people get hardened and their hearts become hard at it. Others become pliable, usable, flexible, teachable, humble.

Humility is an asset. And that's why it says they had brick for stones and they had asphalt for mortar. And then Genesis 11, four. And they said, come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower whose top is in the heavens.

Let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth. And so they wanted to make a name for themselves. And that's really what pride is. It's self-focused, self-assertive, self-promoted.

It's really about self, pleasing self, catering to self, promoting self, protecting self. And pride leads to foolish decisions. They were going to build to heaven, are you kidding me? How many of us are in pickles because of pride or have been in situations because of, it leads to foolish decisions.

Oh yeah, well, I'm going to show them where we go spend money we shouldn't. We buy a house that's maybe too expensive or vehicle, or we do things in haste, or anybody ever quit their job because of pride?

I did that just over the hill 20 years ago. I was a heavy equipment operator for a water district. And it was a not a good group of guys. And I just came back to the Lord, I'm on fire for God and it's a mess.

And I just got off the equipment. I cussed this guy out, I'm just telling you. I know you can't relate, but. And so I'm done, I'm done, I'm out of here. You guys can leave it at that. And so I went home and about half hour later, had to humble myself, go back and apologize and finish the job.

And we react instead of respond. We get upset and that pride causes us to lash out. Do you know a lot of marriage issues are because of pride? Men don't like to be challenged or questioned. Women get prideful too.

And when those two hit, it's explosive. You ever heard doors slam? Come on, the 7 a .m. was a little more honest. The real spiritual service will be the 11 o 'clock. They'll shoot me straight. But remember God's greatest men and women and we're often servants.

They were shepherds, they were carpenters. It's that lowly position that keeps us humble and not that God won't exalt and promote people because he will, I'm gonna talk about that in a minute. But it's the sin of self-advancement, puffed by pride.

We want to advance self and push self and you have to fight against that because I believe God does want us to advance the kingdom. So there's nothing wrong with being excited about a ministry or an opportunity or going out and witnessing and advancing the kingdom of God and God's using you in a powerful way.

And you want, Paul said, I will boast in what Christ has done. But then you've got something inside of you that's not really godly. And in the middle of that's trying to exalt you and about you and that's where you get offended when you hear a no.

That's how we test people here. I'm just, I'm giving you a heads up sometimes. Hey, we'll say, hey, not right now, but thank you. What do they do? Well, I'm out of here. I'm gonna find a church that recognizes my giftings or start arguing or getting upset.

It's one little tiny word, no, not now. Let's see how you handle no. I'm not perfect with handling no, whether it's the DMV or the government. And something that just happened this week, we did our taxes or we're doing the taxes.

And I saw, you know, it listed me as a pastor and it listed my wife. It said homemaker. It just made my day. I mean, how, that is the most important position on planet earth. But yes, clap for the moms and the homemakers.

Now, so I don't get myself in trouble. I'm not against women working. Proverbs 31, very efficient woman. But there's a time and a place for things. And many times we want the bigger house and the more things and let's just get childcare all week and let me, let us both work.

And, you know, and sometimes people are struggling though. And God has different arrangements going on. So I don't judge. There's not a one size fits all approach. But I, but go tell Hollywood that you're a homemaker.

You'll be scorned. You'll be ridiculed. There's so much pride and arrogance, self-exaltation, self-promoting. And when I was flying in the airports and went to Texas, you know, you run into people and it's, you can tell it's always the men.

So what do you do? What do you do? It's hard to tell people what I do because it's not well-received. But what does it have to do with anything? Now I understand a conversation starter and things. It's not, but it's that, it's that self-exaltation.

People who are proud about what they do will tell you that, but those who aren't proud are employment. They're not going to ask that question. It's pride and God often, especially here's how he does different things in the area of men.

He will humble us in the area of employment or at work. Many of the time, or in relationships, you thought you were all that in a bag of chips until your wife says, I'm leaving. You're not. And so we, God takes these areas to get humbled.

One way he humbles us, parents included, or moms included, is with our children. Anybody been humbled by their kids? And say, God, this is not working. I turn everything. So God will use situations to humble us.

I was telling Pastor Abraham yesterday that when I worked for 24 Hour Fitness, it was doing really well. I was a district manager, but you had to keep beating yourself every year. They call it same store growth in the corporate world.

You have to have a 6%, 10 increase in same store growth. You got to be progressing. And so there was a year I didn't hit that number. I think we were at Santa Clarita too, Via Princesa, that new gym down there.

I don't know if I had that one yet or anything, but, and they demoted me. Wait. I was a top salesman in southern area of the United States. And what's going on here? Talk about humility, humbling you.

I was humbled. And then I got proud, and I worked myself back up in four months. Because of pride. And right, see, God's trying to humble me. And also a relationship or marriage that's falling apart, he will humble you.

Kids that they're not walking, Lord, how they should, and life situations. And God uses these things to humble us because he knows that we need that humility. Without these situations, we just become exalted and exalted in our own eyes.

Self-Exaltation, Ministry, and the Search for Recognition

The sin of self-advancement from Matthew 6. Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people. Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them. For then you will have no reward from your father who is in heaven.

Your reward basically is this. Beware of practicing your righteousness before others. There's a lot to that because in the church, what does it look like? Well, it could look like putting, you know, grabbing your tithe and think, look at, watch.

Getting ready to put my tithe in the envelope or in the offering box. Hello all. Put it in there. Or here, pastor, here's my offering. $1 ,000 cash, do whatever you want with it. And sometimes those aren't bad if the heart is good.

See, God knows the heart. We don't. But be careful. Are we practicing our righteousness before others to be seen by? By the way, I went on a missions trip and I did this and we're posting everything to be seen by men.

Or are you posting things because you're excited about what God is doing? We have to really be careful not to wrongly judge others. It's an area God really had to work in my own heart. Because the Bible says to his own master, he will stand or fall.

Who are you to judge another servant? To his own master, he will stand or fall. I believe it's in Romans. And removing that judgmental spirit that comes from pride. Anybody have to work on that? Just me?

Right, we look at what they drive. And we're like, oh, huh. That's expensive vehicle. Look at where they, oh, hmm. I wonder what their motives are. Wonder what Shane's motives are. Hmm. I get this like once a month, there's a church in town that was telling people this too.

They say, you know, Shane's just promoting his books. Like, well, they're free on our website and they're free in the lobby. And it's all my sermon notes over 20 years of wanting to get more information out there and help people.

How do you know my heart? Now can pride rise up? Of course. But we have to be careful not to wrongly judge others. We truly don't know their motives unless it's crystal clear, of course. But beware, do not practice your righteousness before others and basically not showing them how spiritual you are.

It's about why we do what we do. That's really, it's not that somebody does something, it's the why behind it. And that's why we do say no sometimes. Like, no, I don't think we're gonna do that right now or start that right now.

Let's wait on that. Let's see how they handle. No, because that reveals out the abundance of the heart, the mouth is gonna speak. And so when they're not given an opportunity or they're upset about a way a certain thing is going, you can really reveals the heart.

The famous are rarely significant and the significant are rarely famous. Any of you play chess or have you? Did you know the pawn and the king when you're done, they go back in the same box? Self-exaltation.

Fame is fleeting. I really wanna teach my kids this and young adults. Fame is fleeting. It is also meaningless when it's over because what happens is you're exalted. Justin Bieber to Michael Jordan, you name it.

Actresses, Brad Pitt to Will Smith, you name it. See, it's these claps and millions of views and I'm on the center stage and that's the high. And when there's a low, it's hard. Ask Michael Jordan if he's happy right now.

Why is Tom Brady having such a hard time retiring? The desire to be number one, self-exaltation. And it's fine if God has designed them, let's say basketball, football, whatever it is, or a gifted voice and you recognize that that gift is from God and this is just temporary.

This is just temporary. I mean, I realize I'm already preparing myself. As I get older, there's not gonna be tens of thousands of people listening on the radio and the church growing and speaking. I could be 75 years old and remembering those days and preparing my heart for what could happen later.

And don't resting on, you take comfort and you're excited and you're content in where God has you now. And this is why there's so much suicide in Hollywood or in the gaming industry or YouTube videos now.

Now it's these guys that make $60 ,000 a month from their YouTube videos flipping bottles. Let me see if I can get a bottle to stand up there. Look, 600 ,000 views in one day and they get paid. And see, it's gonna be fleeting.

That fame is fleeting from ballet to boxing and from gaming to golf. The desire to be number one. It's everywhere. It's like I laugh sometimes. This mountain biker wants to be number one. This golfer wants to be number one.

It's like it doesn't ever leave the desire. Sometimes it's funny, I'll go bike riding. And as soon as I got an e-bike, everybody said I'm cheating. Like, hey, it's still a hard workout. Sometimes I need a little help.

The Holy Spirit's not cheating in our walk. Sometimes we need a little help. I need to turn on that battery and give me a little help up that hill. That's not cheating. But any of you know, I don't think he's here, so this will be funny.

You know Tim Ackerson? Yeah, he goes like bike riding for 75 miles a day. I'm like, whew. So one time I went riding with him and we were going over Mons Ranch Road or Johnson Road and I turned my battery on.

And I beat him at the top. I got off and I'm just waiting for him. Come on, cyclist. Come on, where you been? And I had just, I desire to win. I beat Tim on that hill. Now you take away the battery, not good.

But it's sometimes I'll run into these guys, not him, he's got a great heart, but other guys. And like, you know, riding on the Ackerman like, oh, you got an e-bike, that's not fair. What do you mean?

I'm not competing. I'm just trying to enjoy the day. I could care less. And their bike is like $10 ,000 and everything they're wearing, all these gadgets. They got $20 ,000 to go on a bike ride. And I'm there sometimes on a Walmart bike with shorts on.

And I beat them and they don't like it because I have a battery. Anybody like the e-bikes? I'm never going back now. I am never going back. I made the mistake of letting my kids ride it. They don't want normal bikes anymore.

And it's really not cheap. It's a hard workout. I can just go longer, faster, and, you know, more length, just as tire, it's not as hard because you have a little battery to help, but it's a hard workout.

It's not cheating. I really want to get that point across. But don't you see that throughout Facebook? Who's really the goat? Was it Colby or Michael Jordan? Do you know what goat means? Greatest of all time.

And now Tom Brady, the goat, the goat, the goat. We need to stop asking, where's the goat? And start asking, where's the lamb? Where's the lamb of God? The brokenness and humility. All this stuff is fleeting.

You will be left empty. Michael Jordan did an interview when he was 50 and it says that he has left the addiction, but the addiction has not left the man. He is miserable, many times they say, and all these singers, all the spotlight, and they've lost that spotlight.

And so they do desperate things and they get Botox and they want to bring back their career of when they were 20 and it's sad because it's fleeting. Self-exaltation. But think about when it's about God and His glory.

You say, God, you raised me up and I'm not there anymore, but that's you, you have me wherever I'm at to be content in all things. And you don't come down from this false high because you weren't built up on a false high.

You recognize that God puts you there at a certain amount of, for a certain amount of time, wherever you're at. And something, someone reminded me after the first service, you know what's really good for fighting pride?

And I didn't say it the first service, this is so true, thankfulness. I thought, you know what, that is a great, when I'm thankful, it kills pride. But when we're bitter and we're resentful and how did that person get promoted and why did this happen?

And we see this at our church. It's funny, every time we promote a new deacon, and I watch the reactions of people sometimes. Why are they on the worship team and I'm not? It's happened, because you realize you can be gifted, but not humble.

You can be, that's your ability, but you're not yet called because that pride prevents us from fully being used of God. Do you have a scripture for that, Shane? I don't know if I believe that. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Could it be that you're fighting against God? I have. So when we wanna do it in our own strength and we wanna elevate ourself or whatever it is, God resists the proud. Philippians 2, three through four, let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit.

Humility in Leadership and Serving Others

Conviction alert, let nothing. Paul, writing to the church in Philippi, could you, can I have a little wiggle room there? Let nothing be done. So parenting, leading the church, or you working in your business, wherever it is, nothing should be done through selfish ambition or conceit.

In other words, our motives, whether it's at work, wherever it's at, but in lowliness of mind, it's interesting, it has to do with up here. Lowliness of mind, let each other's esteem them better than himself.

Let each of you look not only out for your own interests, but also the interests of others. Now, I'm kinda glad it said this because he says here, look out for your own interests. You should look out for your home and do you have enough money saved and well-being for your children?

Of course, the Bible says if you don't care for your family, you're worse than an unbeliever. And so you do have to look out for your own interests and manage your things well, but, that's the key, but also the interests of others.

So yours is not elevated, you're looking out for others as well. Have you ever worked for people, your boss, say, and they're looking out for your interests? You can tell, it's a blessing. They ask about sick day or vacation or how are you feeling, how are you doing, do you need space here, do you need, and they're looking out for their interests and your interests, it's a very healthy work environment, something we try to accomplish here.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition. And then verse five in chapter 11, but the Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. So it's not like God didn't know what they were doing.

It's like, well, let me come down, wonder what they're doing down there on planet earth. I'm up here on Saturn, let me go down and check. I'm curious, what's happened over the last 100 years? This language, especially in the Hebrew language, and we know obviously that God is not caught off guard, it's a more focused attention.

Okay, now we're gonna handle this. And the Lord said, indeed, the people are one and they have all one language and this is what they have begun to do. Now, nothing, nothing will be able to stop them.

And you need to realize something, God's not concerned and worried, he's concerned for them. Basically, now nothing is going to be able to stop them. And remember, before the flood, there was one language, one purpose, and their hearts became evil and wicked.

And now possibly the same thing is rising up again. Now nothing is going to be able to stop them. They are united and God says, I have to stop this unity. Basically, God put a governor on growth. Do you know what a governor is, car people?

I did not like a governor on my Chevy Blazer at 17 years old that my dad put on. Because no matter how far I put down that gas pedal, eh, topped out at 70 or 65. Back then the speed limit was 55, like even to Vegas or on the freeway.

But of course, over the years, you know. And so a governor slows down. My dad knew better than I did. So he put a governor on my speed. Sometimes God will put a governor on the growth or your growth or he will, anybody being slowed down by God, that's what he did.

Okay, this is growing too quickly. The people are multiplying. They're going to do all these things. And God slows that down, stops that by confusing their language. He put a governor on their growth.

He slowed it down because he knew what was best. And so if God is slowing you down in any area, be thankful, trust him that he knows what he is doing. Because we often want to excel, put on the accelerator and get things done and move and accomplish things.

But God often says, wait, hold down, slow down. Wait for my timing. Wait for my timing. And 1 Peter 5, five through seven, God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. I did quote this earlier.

Therefore, because of this, humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. I like to read that. And God may exalt you right away. He's going to, I'm humbling myself today, Lord.

You better change that situation tomorrow, in my time. Because usually in the humbling process, it's a process. And I believe the reason it says this is we could say, okay, Lord, I humble myself. And if God changes the situation the next day, how do we know our heart was right?

He says in due time. In other words, okay, show me hotshot. You humbled yourself? Okay. Let's see you walk it out for a while. Let's see you walk it out in your marriage or at church or in the work environment.

Let's see you walk that out in due time. When I see the time is right, God will then again, begin to elevate you. So could it be that this breaking process that you're running from, maybe you should be running to and say, Lord, in your time, I'm not going to keep trying to make my agenda go through.

I'm not going to try to make my plans go through. In due time, he will exalt you. It's interesting. God is resisting the proud in this verse. In other words, the imagery of especially the Greek language is it's a pushing or a holding back.

So God says, I'm resisting the proud, but if you humble yourself under my hand in due time, then I will bring you up. So you go from God fighting you and resisting you where there's no other direction to now humbling yourself under his hand and then he brings you up.

It's a wonderful picture. It's a biblical truth. I mean, it sounds great. I'm pretty sure most of you are saying, yes, that is so true. Oh boy, oh boy, that is so true. But when I leave here, I'm not sure I'm going to do that.

So if that's you, all you have is knowledge, not wisdom. Because knowledge is knowing what to do, which is good, but it's really not, the power of scripture is in the application of it, in the wisdom.

And the Bible talks about in Proverbs, wisdom is a principle thing, therefore get wisdom and all you're getting, get understanding. She will exalt you. She will promote you. So you can leave here full of knowledge and it will do you no good if you don't apply it.

And I don't have to say I see that more than anything else in the church. People, because they'll say, yeah, Shane, I know what the scriptures say, but, well, no, okay, we need to go back and apply what you know.

Did you know that's how you'll mature spiritually, is to apply the scriptures? That's how you grow spiritually, is by applying the scriptures. That's how you mature in your faith and know God at a deeper level by applying the scriptures.

Because we can talk about praying and fasting and worshiping, and we go, oh, man, that sounds great. Oh, Lord, I'm on fire, I've got a plan now. And if you leave here and nothing changes, all you have is a plan with no fruit.

Pride, Confusion, and God's Discipline

And I see this so often, especially in men, for some reason, pride's a little harder to get out of us. I don't, maybe it's because we're called to lead, and then with that can come some pride. But then he says here, and cast all your cares upon me.

That word in the Greek, if you were to look at it, we don't, it's really, the care isn't, I wouldn't use that word, but I'm not a translator. Because the word is a divided mind. So cast your confusion, your, do anybody have a divided mind from time to time?

Oh, no, well, you guys, this is incredible. Why am I even preaching to the 9 a .m.? What, we should just, let's just remove the 9 a .m. service. We have 7 a .m. and 11 a .m. Oh, it's hard, it's hard to look in the mirror.

So cast your divided mind, your confusion. Pride leads to confusion. Anybody confused at work, at home, in situations and circumstances, that divided mind, that confusion leads to a divided mind. So the whole verse goes together.

Resist the proud, gives grace to the humble, humble yourself under God's mighty hand. He may exalt you in due time, comma, casting all your confusion about this, this divided mind, this struggle with pride, give it to him because he cares for you.

It's beautiful, and I forget that sometimes because I have this image sometimes because you envision God often as you envision your father, and that can be, you know, my dad came from Oklahoma and the farms, and boy, you don't cry.

You know that, mm, get her done, hard work, this, oh. So sometimes we have that view of God, like, mm, you know, here comes a lightning bolt. If Shane doesn't do that, pshew. But the scripture is a loving God, a caring God.

Yes, a God of judgment, a God of holiness, but he cares for us. He actually disciplines those he loves. Have you ever been spanked by God? Oh, one honest person in the whole room. But it's not a physical paddle.

I remember I went to Bethel Baptist. They used to do that. You had to go like this, and here's a teacher with a paddle with holes in it, so the air would flow through, and it could go harder. Boom, boom, boom.

Back then, the top three public school problems or the school problems were talking, chewing gum, and making noise. How far we've drifted. Now it's assault, burglary, rape, drug abuse, or drug use. But being spanked by God is not a physical spanking, often.

It's a spiritual spanking in our heart. It's a humble, he, when he humbles us, he spanks us. Do you ever get all proud and, man, look at this. I got this job, and I'm making this money, and I got a promotion, and man, you're so happy, and then you get an email the next week.

Oh, I'm so sorry, we made a mistake. We're actually taking away some of your hours. Deflated tire. God knows how to humble us. I'll tell you, I've been some places, and I preach my heart out. It was incredible.

I told my wife, oh, this is incredible. I can't wait. I can't wait to get this message out there and share it with people. You know, that's good, of course, but then I get an email from the people. Oh, you know what?

Our sound system wasn't working that night. That's it, gone. Or humbling, God knows how to discipline us. Usually, it's in what you take pride in. What you, I tell our volunteers. You know, those, we have like 100 volunteers now, and I get some ushering, or sound and media, or what I do up here.

God will humble you in the area you're serving in. So maybe the media won't work that day. Oh, what about the worship team? There's gremlins in our, we can have a perfect worship on Friday practice, and then come Sunday, nothing works.

Gremlins get in there and do something, but it humbles us. Or I come up and the words aren't just, man, this sounded, this looked much better on paper this week. I don't know what's happening. God humbles us.

Every now and then, praise God, it doesn't happen too often, but I love to preach. Those Pastor Abraham, we feel the presence of God. The word comes alive. I'm encouraged, but sometimes it feels like bricks are coming out of my mouth.

I can't wait to get home. Like, Lord, what was that? That was a terrible sermon. You might've heard this. Sometimes I'll tell you, you know what? Go watch the first service online when you get home, because this one stinks.

I've done that a few times. What happens? God said, okay, hotshot, I'm going to humble you. So it's usually in your area of service. It's in your work environment. Those things that are closest to us as the area where he's going to humble us.

Humility in Marriage, Family, and Daily Life

Maybe you should try this. Husbands, go home sometimes, say, you know what? What would you rate our marriage? Like from one to 10, 10 really good, and one not at all. And husbands are like, oh man, right now it's eight, nine.

Yes, the wife, two or three. Morgan might talk about that. We had a hard season, a couple. I mean, this is back to the kid. We only, I think we had two kids, and we were asked this question. I'm like, eight or nine?

Yeah, maybe a three. And I was humble. I mean, I was humble. That hurts, that hurts a little bit. Doesn't it? How else are you going to be humble? I'll share the story too, it's in my books. I've mentioned before, I think it was 2007, 2008.

I'm still working in construction, getting ready to switch to real estate because construction just plummeted. All of our savings gone, humble. God knows where to humble you. But anyway, I go and I look, and her journal's open.

It says, I married a man who doesn't let me pursue my dreams and controls the family. I'm like, what the, I'm like mad. Like, this is unbelievable. And so I take a three hour drive because I'm upset. And but once you talk it out, I find out, and I wasn't, I was, as men, you know, you're like, no, we're not going to go buy that stuff.