TLP 335: The Best Time to Prepare Your Kids

The Cost of Firefighting Parenting and the Need for Preparation

Imagine a warehouse section of your city. Inside each of those buildings are fire hazards galore, and in that part of the city is a secret guild of anarchist arsons. The firefighters in that city are going to spend an awful lot of time putting out industrial fires.

Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M. Brewster.

If you're joining us for the first time, or the first time in a long time, then let me strongly encourage you to listen to our past two episodes with Dr. Joe Martin from Real Men Connect. It was highly beneficial for both dads and moms.

Joe took the time to explain five different parents that he has been and experienced. And to be honest, I've been most of them too. We talked about the cons of four of them, and the amazing blessings of the final.

Don't miss that two-part interview, whatever you do. I also want to thank someone else. There are two potential pronunciations for her name. It could be Alicia or Alicia. I'm really sorry for whichever one of those was the one you hate.

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I've been directing all my friends to this podcast. This is the biblical and practical encouragement I've been needing. Before TLP, I felt like the blind leading the blind. I'm learning so much about my own walk with Jesus and how I can best lead my kids toward Jesus.

Thank you, TLP, for all your work in studying the Word of God to bring His wisdom into our homes. I love the short and sweet length of each episode and the scriptures and episode notes I go with. You are a blessing.

Galatians 6 -9. So let us not get tired in doing what is good. At the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Praise God for the blessing He bestows when we continue putting one foot in front of another.

Perhaps you are a discouraged parent today, and you simply needed to hear that you will reap parental blessings if you don't give up. If you're parenting to the glory of God, please don't give up, no matter how much pushback you may get from your kids or the world at large.

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The Best Time to Prepare Children Is Before the Crisis

Okay, let's talk about the best time to prepare our kids for the real world, and let's please stop butchering this poor lady's name. Today's episode is going to be on the simple side because our topic is not how to prepare our kids, but simply when to prepare our kids.

But first, we have to be honest about our family schedules. You may be very different from the average family out there, and if you are, just hang on with me for a minute while I address the rest of us.

We are too stinking busy. We're just doing too much. The world and the flesh have convinced us that we have to be involved in everything at school and take our work home with us and keep up on all the hit shows and get involved in club sports and music lessons and participate in every ministry and own every pet, and the list goes on.

And when the day or week or month is done, when we look back, we're accomplishing a lot of things, but we haven't matured through the process. In fact, we're more tired and cranky, and our relationships are more strained and brittle than before.

Now this really is a separate topic, but it affects what we're discussing today. We are simply doing too much. Since my family and I moved to North Carolina, we've been working to discover a new normal.

It's an exciting time in many ways because we get to choose what we do. So our normal daily schedule is that all four of us are working during the same hours of the day. I wake earlier than everyone else does, and when the rest of the family is up, we dive into lessons.

That's the word that we use for schoolwork. The kids do a lot of it on their own while my wife and I work on our respective responsibilities, and when the kids need focused time from us, we immediately stop what we're doing to help them with their work.

The plan is very important to us because it usually means that when the kids are done with their lessons for the day, it won't be too long before mom and dad have finished up their responsibilities as well, and then we can all enter the late afternoon slash evening together.

And that sounds like an amazing plan. Of course, there are still chores and meals and the other mandatory things of the day. Everyone has their devotions. In the evenings, we read a chapter of a book together as a family.

We all take care of the animals, and there are often outside requirements as well, perhaps as a church service or game nights on Monday when a bunch of people come to the house. And then there's the occasional youth group activity, an emergency situation, an unplanned opportunity to minister to someone.

And of course, there's all the firefighter parenting that happens as we deal with those issues that come up during all of these activities. And after the busyness and stress of the week, there's the communal desire to just sit around on our butts and do nothing profitable at all.

And our kids aren't even on a team or investing in their music the way we'd like. They're not really spending any time at friends' houses. Neither of my kids have any type of job of which to speak, and our schedule may sound like a dream compared to some of yours.

So what's my point? The point is that later this summer, my son is going off to a camp for a week. He's done this one other time a few years ago. The camp was 30 minutes away. My wife picked him up and dropped him off and actually visited him a couple times during the week, and he was about 10.

Now he'll be 13, traveling all the way to New England with our youth group and sponsors, be gone for the week, and travel back. So here's the question. Is he ready for that? And I can hear your wise answer.

I don't know. But the problem is, neither do I. He's never experienced something like that before. So the other question is, when do I prepare him? I'm not even asking the harder question, how do I prepare him?

I just want to know when I can schedule the opportunity to even think about it with him. You see, as parents, we get used to the firefighting sort of parenting to such a degree that we assume that's just how it has to be.

And to a certain degree, we're not God, so we'll always have that dynamic at play in our parenting. What's firefighting parenting, you ask? Well, imagine a warehouse section of your city. Inside each of those buildings are fire hazards galore, and in that part of the city is a secret guild of anarchist arsons.

Well, if we're being honest, the firefighters in that city will spend a lot of their time, maybe all of their time, putting out industrial fires. It's a recipe for disaster. There's nothing else they can do.

They don't own the buildings. They're not the police. Their job is just to extinguish fires that explode without a moment's notice. Now let's compare that to our parenting. Your children are the warehouses, born with a sin nature that is constantly lusting for their own pleasure.

It's a powder keg of destruction. And then Satan and the world are on a perpetual quest, like the arsons, to burn your kids' lives to the ground. And all we parents feel like we can do is share fire safety tips a few times a week like a weary firefighter at a school where none of the students are really listening, and then wait for something to go wrong so we can be there as quickly as possible to minimize the damage.

There's going to be damage. We just hope that we're close enough to take the edge off before something really bad happens. But imagine if we weren't just firefighters. Imagine if we also managed the property.

Imagine if we were able to secure it from the negative influences. We need to understand that, as parents, that's our God-given responsibility, too. Wouldn't it be far better to invest our day emptying the warehouses of their toxic waste and flammable chemicals while we set up defenses in their lives to protect them from dangerous influences?

That way there would be far fewer fighters that need extinguishing. There would be less loss. There would be a lot more blessing. What I've basically described to you is Proverbs 1, 8 -19. Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, come with us, let us lie in wait for blood. Let us ambush the innocent without cause.

Let us swallow them alive like Sheol. Even whole as those who go down to the pit. We'll find all kinds of precious wealth. We'll fill our houses with spoil. Throw in your lot with us. We shall all have one purse.

My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their path. For their feet run to evil, and they hasten to shed blood. Indeed, it is useless to spread the baited net in the sight of any bird.

But they lie in wait for their own blood. They ambush their own lives. So are the ways of everyone who gains by violence. It takes away the life of its possessors. Solomon took the time to prepare his son before he encountered his first blood-lusting, innocent, ambushing, treasure-stealing lowlifes.

The following verses then describe how Wisdom is being proactive. She's going out where everyone will see her, shouting loudly enough for everyone to hear. Using language everyone will understand, targeting those who need her most, and inviting them to join her.

She's not waiting. In fact, she warns that if the guidance is spurned, and a fire sweeps through their warehouse, it will be too late.

She says,.

Because I called and you refused, I stretched out my hand and no one paid attention, and you neglected all my counsel, and did not want my reproof, I will also laugh at your calamity. I will mock when your dread comes, when your dread comes like a storm, and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you.

Then they will call on me, but I will not answer. They will seek me diligently, but they will not find me, because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord. They would not accept my counsel, they spurned all my reproof, so they shall eat of the fruit of their own way and be satisfied with their own devices.

For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them. But he who listens to me shall live securely and will be at ease from the dread of evil. Now, I'm not saying that we parents should throw up our hands and walk away when our kids get themselves into trouble.

This woman being personified in this passage is wisdom, and we know from the Teach Your Children to Learn series that wisdom is taking what we know to be right and applying it to our lives. Let's be honest, if someone rejects truth and refuses to apply it to their lives, when they finally have set their lives on fire, it will be too late to live wisely.

They will have no habits formed. Once their lives have been raised, then they'll have to start at ground zero. They'll need to renew their minds, put off the sins of the flesh, and put on the fruit of the Spirit.

They have to start all over again. My point is simply that it's too late to teach your kids about sex until they've already done it or are in the midst of daily temptation. Now, if you've neglected, I'm not saying you shouldn't do what you can now, but in a best-case scenario, you need to start sooner.

And that's the whole point of this episode. The best time to prepare your kids to do anything is before they have to do it. We recently conducted our longest series, which was a study in parenting angry children, and on many of the points, I observe that the best time to parent a violent, slanderous, clamorous, angry child is before they're being violent, slanderous, violent, clamorous, or angry.

Every business knows this. This is why they have employee training. This is the point of school. This is why driver's ed exists. And yet too many of us think that attending Sunday school and maybe one other service during the week is going to prepare our kids to stand against evil and live holy lives.

But my kids do their devotions every day. That's great. They're hopefully absorbing truth, but who's going to teach them how to apply that truth? It's great to know that the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death, her steps take hold of sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways are unstable. She does not know it. It's also good to know that I should keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, or you will give your vigor to others and your years to the cruel one.

And strangers will be filled with your strength, and your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien, and you will groan at your final end when your flesh and body are consumed. But what does that really, practically, relevantly look like?

It takes discernment and wisdom and logic and maturity to help our kids apply the truth to their daily experience. In fact, the passage I've been quoting from Proverbs 5 goes on to explain why the young man failed.

You see, the young man had been taught. He had people in his life helping him live a life that glorified God, and yet he chose to do his own thing. How do we know this? Listen to verses 12 through 14.

And you say, How I have hated instruction, and my heart's spurned reproof, have not listened to the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to my instructors. I was almost an utter ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation.

This young man had people, teachers, instructors, a whole assembly and congregation investing heavily in him so that they wouldn't have to put out a fire in the future. But when does that happen? Normally the teachers and counselors get involved after the girl is already pregnant.

We need to do as Solomon did. We need to prepare our kids for what's coming before it comes. We need to do what Deuteronomy 6, 7 through 9 says, by walking and talking the truth with our kids all day long.

You shall teach them diligently to your sons, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.

You shall write them on a doorpost of your house and on your gates. We need to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So, back to my opening illustration. When am I going to prepare my son for the unique temptations that are going to arise in him and come at him from the outside when he's at camp this summer?

When am I going to take the time to think about what those temptations might even be, or how I need to equip him to overcome them? When am I going to take the time to even know the best way to put out any fires that may arise?

Let's be honest. We too often don't even fire fight well. Am I going to work less? Homeschool less? Chore less? Sports less? Entertainment less? What am I going to cut out? And this is just one child with one specific situation in mind.

I have two kids with very different temptations in their warehouses and arsons in their neighborhoods. Some of you have three or four or twelve kids. Now, to be fair, many of us have our kids in Sunday school and the morning and evening services and youth group because we understand how important it is for our families to go to church.

Perhaps many of you do encourage your children in personal devotions and have a family Bible time most days of the week. And I'm sure many of you regularly pray for your kids and meditate on how you can best rear them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

That is wonderful, and it's a great start. A great start, some of you ask? Yeah, it's a start. If we're not at least doing those things, we're missing the basics. Church, personal study, family study, and prayer are the fundamentals of a healthy, Christ-honoring family.

One thing I want to start doing better is getting with each of my kids on a one-on-one basis. I do it fairly well on an in-home basis, but I want to be more premeditated by getting away with them and intentionally preparing to love on them and speak truth into their lives.

Jared Lopes from Dad Tired takes his kids out on a special daddy time once a month. He schedules it like this. Since my son was born on the 17th of the month, then on the 17th of every month, I would invest extra time in just him.

And that's a good start, but it's only once a month. I believe there's more I can do, and it's going to start with me intentionally and premeditatedly reevaluating my family schedule. It's going to include me putting time in to know my kids and their potential struggles so I can prepare them before they're in the middle of the temptation.

It's going to involve me knowing what Satan and the world are trying to cram down my kids' throats on a daily basis, so I can equip them for that as well. Basically, I need to take another step in becoming an intentional, premeditated disciple-making ambassador parent.

I need to invest more time in teaching, interpreting, counseling, and training my kids, and I hope you'll rededicate to the same goals with me. And please also share this episode on your favorite social media outlets so other parents can start preparing their kids before they burn to the ground.

Let's be better preventative parents instead of emergency parents. However, if you are currently in a firefighting emergency situation in your family and need special help, please do not hesitate to contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com.

Remember, if we want our children to grow up into Christ, we must parent in truth and love. But if we don't intentionally and premeditatedly carve out the time, it probably won't happen. To that end, join us next time as we discuss parenting strategies you need in your home.

Truth.

Love. Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.