(Godly Courtship) 06 Marriage, Courtship and Marriage — Denny Kenaston

Hello, this is brother Denny. Welcome to charity ministries. Our desire is that your life would be blessed and changed by this message. This message is not copyrighted and is not to be bought or sold.

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The Living God and the Pastor’s Joy in Godly Marriages

I Know we all know that up here. But that is a profound truth that all other ground is sinking sand of No value at all to our salvation. We greet each one this morning. In the name of the Lord Jesus. It is a blessing to be here today to be together with the Saints to hear all the testimonies of The hearts of God's people who have been set free.

Who know a living God who have a relationship with a God that is alive? Not a testimony of four years ago or not a testimony of ten years ago. Or even one of three months ago, but a testimony from this last week that's a God who is alive.

He's alive and he's well and he's working in the midst and in the lives of his people. He's a living God. He's not dead. He's more than just a word. He's a living God. I Thank God that I can be in a place where those kind of testimonies come forth and God gets praise out of it.

I'd like to speak this morning and I've had this subject on my heart a long time. But I feel liberty from the Lord to give it this morning. I Don't know if I'll be an inspiration, but I trust that the message will be Instructional to us this morning.

I'd like to speak on this subject marriage courtship and marriage. In that order I'll explain what the title means in a few moments. But that is the title marriage courtship and marriage one of the greatest joys of a pastor.

One of the greatest joys of a pastor's heart is to unite two dedicated Christians in marriage. Two young people who did it, right? They're mature. They have their parents blessing. They know their God and they love him and they prepared Themselves and they're prepared for life and they're prepared for marriage.

That's a great blessing to unite a couple like that in marriage. When you know that it's so. You know their lives. You know, they prepared themselves. You know that for for all practical purposes. They are ready to get married.

There are no reservations in your heart. You don't wonder are they going to make it or not? What a great blessing it is to marry couples like that and you know, there will be a blessing upon their marriage together and You know a solid home is going to begin when they're married together.

And you know that a godly seed will be preserved by this marriage union. And it brings forth a radiant joy that cannot be explained that wells up in the heart of a pastor and I'm sure Fathers and mothers also and even the brothers and sisters in the church.

Isn't it a great joy? When we can look upon a couple like that and have that inner witness within us that here's a couple who did it, right? They did it, right? They're ready. They're mature. They're moving into this thing knowing what they're doing.

God's gonna put a blessing on it. Their parents are delighted with it and you just know it's gonna work. There's a deep-seated witness in every one of our hearts at a time like that of rightness on the other hand there is a great sadness in the heart of a pastor and Fathers and mothers and Even the brothers and sisters in the church.

When you're not you unite two weak Christians in marriage. They are not mature. They broke down in their courtship standards. Their parents are blessing the marriage, but doing it with hope that everything is going to be alright.

Their commitment is weak and they're not very prepared for what they're getting into. It has to be done sometimes. It is done sometimes. But it's not a real exciting job, and it's not a real exciting thing in the church.

You all know the feeling you know that witness in your heart. You've been to weddings like that you went down the road at the end of the wedding and You gave your greeting to the couple and you wish them the best and you prayed God's blessing upon them.

But there was something in your heart that said. I hope this will be alright. I Wonder if this one's going to be alright. We all know what that's like. Is with these two pictures in mind that I am motivated to bring this message this morning.

And I'm sure you all know where my goal and my sight is said it's on that first couple. And I trust that that's all of our goals. If I can say this by way of introduction also, I have no one in mind this morning.

But I thought about it. You know with a congregation this size it's almost impossible to pick the right time to give a message like this when there would be nobody Considering marriage or nobody working toward marriage at all in the congregation.

So if you're considering or if you are working toward marriage, I do not have you in mind this morning. I am just simply looking at the principle overall and reaching out and pleading for Wisdom in the heart of our young people and wisdom in the hearts of our fathers and mothers.

So that we all with one accord can sit back with that deep inner witness of rightness as we see our young couples growing up and Coming together and starting homes. Let us be able to do it with joy. Having done our jobs right having guided our young people in a right way that we can sit down with that inner witness of Rightness and know God's blessing is upon this couple.

That is my heart's desire. Now explain the title marriage courtship and marriage. I Put it in that order. Because I feel it's God's proper order in God's best order number one marriage. Before you start thinking about courtship, you need to consider whether you're married to the Lord or not.

So there's the first marriage. And I'm here to tell you this morning that if you don't have that first marriage, right? Your other marriage is not going to work out, right? You don't have a hard time thus Marriage to the Lord is first second of all Courtship with marriage in mind and third of all the marriage of two dedicated Believers, this is the direction of the message this morning.

Marriage as a Divine Institution

Let's turn it to Matthew and Read a few verses in Matthew 19. First of all. Then we'll turn over to 1st Corinthians also Matthew 19 verse 4 through 8. Here the Pharisees came to Jesus and they're tempting him.

They're trying to get him to they're trying to catch him at his words they're trying to get him to say something that won't make sense so that they can make him look like a fool and show the other people that he doesn't know what he's talking about and they they very Wickedly devised a way to ask him questions about divorce.

We don't want to go into the divorce issue here this morning. But we do need to see the words that our Lord Jesus answered them so that we can get God's heart in this matter. Matthew chapter 19 in verse 4 and he answered and said unto them.

Have you not read that? He which made them at the beginning made them male and female and said for this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they Twain shall be one flesh.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder they say unto him. Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?

He saith unto them Moses because of the hardness of your hearts Suffered you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Now turn over to first Corinthians 7 in Matthew 19. We saw that very clearly from these verses that our Lord Jesus Christ sanctioned marriage.

He put his blessing upon it he reached all the way back several thousand years to the first chapters of the book of Genesis and gave the very words of God and Showed that God's sanction was on marriage and that he was also sanctioning marriage.

In first Corinthians 7 and verse 6 through 8 will read. But I speak this by permission and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God one after this manner and another after that.

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows. It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain let them marry for it is better to marry Than to burn. And then down to verse 32 of the same chapter chapter 7 first Corinthians verse 32.

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord how he may please the Lord. But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world how he may please his wife.

There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and spirit but she that is married careth for the things of the world how she may please her husband.

And This I speak for your own profit not that I may cast a snare upon you. But for that which is comely and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. Now here we see the Apostle Paul very clearly Putting his sanction upon not getting married.

First we read the verses where our Lord Jesus Sanctioned marriage. Now we see the verses where Paul the Apostle was sanctioning a single life. I Believe the only way that we can Understand this matter of marriage right is if we look at it in the context of both of the options That God gives us in his Word.

Both are an option. Both are a blessed option. One is not a curse and the other a blessing. But both are a blessed option and we will not understand marriage properly until we see both options from God's Perspective and that is one of my desires this morning.

Single Service and the Three Vocational Paths

Now in the Old Testament there were those who served as singles. But there's no teaching given in the Old Testament on it. Daniel was not married. I don't believe Shadrach Meshach and Abednego were married.

I Was not married. Neither was Elijah. Many of the prophets did not marry. Some of them did but we have no clear teaching in the Old Testament. Where God says you go after me with all your heart and you lay aside the opportunity to marry.

We don't have it in the Old Testament. But here in the New Testament We do have it it is in the Bible and I believe the reason why it's in the Bible and we're even given Instruction about it in the New Testament is because of the glorious liberty that has come under the children of God.

And that's why it's there. Now I'm not here this morning to decide which one you choose or which one God chooses for you. But as I see it from the scripture you have three options this morning. Those of you that are not married those of you that are pondering your life as it's unfolding before you.

Young people you have three options. Number one you have the option of single service a Life that is devoted and dedicated to God and serving him with everything you've got you have that option. Number two you have the option of the first couple that we spoke about in the introduction two lives totally dedicated to the Lord.

Walking moving mature prepared coming together for marriage you have that option. And. Thirdly you have the option of the option of the second couple. Not committed. Not dedicated. Kind of half on and half off kind of carnal and a lot of your desires and coming forth to marry.

You do have that option. It's in the Bible. It's better to marry than to burn. But I would recommend to you one of the first two options. According to the Word of God. There'll be a blessing upon them like no other.

Now there are I want to say this there are many who start out like the second couple that we mentioned and they make it. God uses the disciplines of their failures to mature them. But I guarantee you it's a hard road of several years, and I speak from my own experience of many failures.

You can make it that way. God will help you if you start that way you can make it, but it's a hard road and You learn by many mistakes How to be mature and how to walk with God and and how to have God's blessing upon your family in your home life.

I? Would recommend number one or number two. To you this morning. Now let's get into the message first of all Mary the title says marriage. Courtship and marriage. I don't believe we can see marriage properly until we get this first point down in our own life and our own experience.

Being Married to the Lord Before Marriage

And that is being married to the Lord. This is where to begin. God is giving us two options and wisdom would say how can you? Consider life in a single service if you don't know what it's like to be married to the Lord.

Obviously if we don't know what it's like to have that vibrant Relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, then how can we make a right choice about marriage? How can we make a right choice about those two options if we do not know what the first option is and we're not?

Experiencing in our own lives. So first of all if you're going to consider marriage at all You need to consider first of all this matter of being married to the Lord. And I use that term just to explain to us and illustrate the reality of an intimate relationship with the God of heaven.

I Think it's clear to see that here. If you know nothing of an intimate relationship with the God of heaven and you're considering these two options I think it's pretty obvious to all of us which one you're going to choose.

Nobody in their carnal strength is going to sit back and say I don't want to get married. I don't want a wife. I don't want a husband but if You know the Lord and he's real to you and you have a vibrant relationship with him.

And you are seeking to please him in everything you do and the heaven is open over your life. And the glory of God is filling your soul and you're busy and God is using you and there's an anointing upon you.

And you see a ministry in your life. You may take another look and a different look at the whole matter of marriage. And I believe that's what Paul was bringing out and that is what I'd like to bring out here this morning.

Here's how I feel as I've studied this out and meditated upon it much. I Feel that if you do not know the relationship of being married to the Lord. Things are not going to come out right when you decide that you're going to get married.

Chances are that you're going to be that second couple instead of that first couple. Do you see how God has got us disciplined there? You young people he's got you in the corner. You want a happy life?

You want a blessed life? You want a life that prospers? Here's where you've got to start. You've got to start from the context of being married to the Lord. If you don't then you'll be guided by your carnal desires.

And you'll be guided by carnal wisdom and you'll make choices of carnality and you will reap for them all your life. God is very clear on this. Let us be married to the Lord first. You young men you young ladies.

Be married to the Lord knowing in a sweet and an intimate way. I'm convinced the only way to begin with a solid marriage is to start with a marriage to the Lord. You know, it's interesting to me. And I'm not saying we should follow this but we can see the principle coming out even with the Mormons.

The Example of Mormon Missionary Service

The Mormons require their young people to give two years of service. Before they do anything else to the Mormon Church. Before they go to college two years of service before they get married. Two years of service.

We can see something in that. They recognize the strength of youth. They recognize the zeal of youth. They recognize the tremendous potential of youth and therefore they put a requirement among their young people.

Two years of service out on a mission field over in Africa or down in Venezuela but over in China or wherever it may be they send them all over the world and they go for two years and You can see them out on the streets.

Maybe you've seen them out on the streets around here real clean-cut fellas. Usually have a dark suit on a white shirt and a solid tie. Have a briefcase in their hand and they're going around knocking on doors.

Prostituting the Mormon faith. But we can see a principle in that that they do. Recognize the tremendous potential that young people have to give service. And how much more? Should we be recognizing that principle since we have the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ and know the tremendous Liberty of the children of God and know the power of the Spirit of God and know the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Working in the lives of other people how much more should we see that principle? And have it working among us. I Think that we should see it in these verses that we read in 1st Corinthians chapter 7. From Paul the Apostle verse 32 and 3 and 4 and 5 we see several relationships.

We see a relationship of love we see a relationship of loyalty a relationship of service a relationship of pleasing God and a relationship of sanctification under God. This is what Paul was talking about those that are unmarried and are hot for God.

There's the standard those that are unmarried and they're hot for God. They desire to please God. They desire to serve God. They love their God. They want to do what pleases God. They want to be in God's service.

They're concerned about God's work. They're loyal to God's work. They're concerned about keeping themselves sanctified for their God. This is the relationship that is mentioned here in 1st Corinthians and I believe this morning that it's God's standard for every young person in this room.

Whether you ever marry or not or whether you're already planning in your own mind that someday you're going to get married I think you need to pass through this experience before you are in the right place to get into the situation and all the Complications of choosing a partner for your life and then going on into marriage.

You need to go this way. Develop this kind of love take this standard for your life and parents you help your young people in this. Help them don't settle for that second best. We have a tremendous responsibility in this as we guide our young ones.

I wonder this morning. Do we believe that this is attainable? Grace is available. Some know such an experience already, but many do not. What a dangerous thing for us. To just keep going on and saying everything is wonderful when in reality.

Many of our young people do not know this sweet relationship with the God of heaven. Yes, they know him. Yes, they want to come to church. Yes, they'll get up and read their Bible a little bit in the morning.

Yes, they're obedient. Yes, okay on all that, but this living vibrant relationship they do not have it and I think it's our responsibility to Lay that out before them and hold it over them and say here's where you need to press to.

Here's the direction you need to go. It's our responsibility. It is attainable and what a great blessing when two young people Experiencing this kind of walk with God feel led by the God that they know very well and walk with to Mary what a Blessing to see that happen.

This is what I want. This is what we want for you young people. We want to see your lives growing up in sanctification and honor. We want to see your lives blessed by the Holy Spirit. We want to see your lives being used by God and yes, we want to see your lives then coming together in marriage if God wills.

That's what we want for you. More than a Sunday relationship and I think it's very clear from these scriptures that if you find that relationship It may be that you won't want to get married. Afterwards, did you hear that?

You won't want to get married. Not because you look at it and say our marriage. No, it'll be because of your relationship with God. You'll weigh that thing from a different perspective and decide I cannot be distracted.

I Cannot be burdened down with the care. These are the words that the Apostle Paul uses. I don't want you to have trouble in the flesh. I want to spare you. He says I want you to be without carefulness.

I want you to be without distraction serving God and it may be that if you as young people can come into this relationship this intimate sweet relationship with the God of heaven that you'll take another look at marriage and you look at it and say I don't know if I want.

I don't want to give up what I have here for that. Amen. Amen. It's all quiet. Isn't that what these scriptures are saying? Get out of a love and a relationship and a vibrancy with God and a blessing upon your life and you see God using you and you have a Ministry and it's opening up before you then you take a look at marriage and you say now wait a minute.

Does God want me to get married? Not do I want to get married, but does God want me to get married father? What is your will will your kingdom prosper if I get married or will it slow down. Which one and I think that's a proper context to take a look at marriage young people.

Set yourselves to mature Into this kind of a relationship before you start considering marriage and some of you may say There's no hope. You haven't set the standard up over your heart yet, you haven't let it make you earnest yet.

But I would encourage you to set yourself to mature in this way before you start considering marriage let your parents and Spiritual men help you to discern where you are. That's a good one a good word of counsel a word of wise counsel.

Don't wait until you think you are where you're supposed to be but ask your parents and ask spiritual men and spiritual women to Evaluate your life and just open your heart and life up to them and say tell me where I'm at.

Do you think I'm ready? Do you think I'm mature? Do you think I'm solid? Do you think I'm in love with Jesus? Do you think I have that vibrant relationship? Do you see an anointing on my life? Do you see God using me?

Let somebody else help you evaluate it. Don't just think it in your own. Let someone else help you evaluate it and then if they say no. Then take that as a glorious Blessing and protection and discipline in your life and say, okay God.

This is the next step for me, you know, it's interesting. I know we don't do it here. But you can go outside the walls of this church house and and into many other circles and you'll find Young people will go to school for four or five or six years.

Just preparing for their life's occupation. How foolish for us? To just forget all preparation and say I'm 18 years old. I'm getting married. Wait a minute. Let's stop and think about that if they prepared for years for a life's occupation.

Which is nothing. Don't you think you ought to do some preparing if they wait until they get their degree? Before they get married, don't you think you ought to have a degree before you get married. A Degree from the God of heaven.

A Degree from your parents. A degree from the spiritual brothers and sisters in the church that say yes. You are growing. God's blessing is on you. God is using you. You are mature. You know how to walk with God with that kind of degree.

Then start thinking God. Do you want me to get married. God do I want to get married? I Have this wonderful relationship. You're so sweet to me. I love you. I love fellowshipping with you. I love the freedom of getting up early every morning and having time alone with you.

I love having my evenings free to go out and serve you. Do I want to get married? Can we see? From this observation. How this can throw everything else off. It can throw it all off if instead our heart is carnal.

If instead we're very half-hearted about Christianity if instead we like doing other things. And and the world is not strangely dim to us. But it's just a it's a gleams with glory and brightness to us if if those are the experiences of our life.

And we start thinking about marriage. Well, I'll tell you ahead of time you will have some hard times ahead of you. And I think I could get a few testimonies out of this room to confirm what I just said.

You'll have some hard times ahead of you. Oh but blessed be those young people that submit to the Discipline of a standard like this in their life and see God's blessing come upon them because of it. Blessed are you.

Courtship Ordered Toward Marriage

So that's the first one marriage number two. Courtship. Courtship is for marriage. Any other emotional romantic relationship is out of order. Courtship is for marriage any other emotional relationship.

Romantic relationship is out of order. Get that clear in your mind young people the very interesting little portion of the words in Colossians it talks about inordinate affections and Inordinate affections can be any kind of affection that is out of order.

I Feel many times the world has inordinate affection for dolls. There's a good example of it. It's an affection that's out of order. But I'm telling you something many young people are guilty of inordinate affections because they let their affection go in Relationships before they have made any decision before they have cleared anything with anybody else before they have cleared it with the God of heaven.

They let their affections go and I'm telling you this morning. Those are inordinate affections or their affections that are out of order and you can stop them young people. I Have to. Every man in this room has to every married woman in this room has to.

We cannot allow certain affections in our hearts. They are affections that are out of order and you can not either. Just because you're young and you're not married yet. That does not give you the freedom to let your affections go.

After this young man or after this young woman in and let a relationship start to be built. No. Courtship is for marriage and any other affections that you begin to let flow back and forth any other of Emotional relationship that you allow to start building and coming together is out of order.

It's not wrong. It's just out of its order in the right place and at the right time in the right order. It's very beautiful. But if it's wrong place, it's out of order. It's inordinate affection. So courtship is For marriage and by the way, this will free the youth group up.

It will make it a spiritual fellowship. What a blessing when the youth group can be free of all inordinate affections. Settle it in your hearts young people. It will allow a spiritual fellowship to settle down over your youth group that nothing else will.

And you'll all be free from all those feelings and and thoughts and wondering what he's thinking and wondering what she's thinking. And wonder if he's looking at me or she's looking at me. You'll be free from all of that and your youth group your young people's meetings can be a sweet spiritual fellowship.

Which is where you want to start anyway, man. That's where you want to start. You don't want to start with the emotions floating back and forth then you'll choose on emotion not principle. Young men and young women it is right to keep your distant distance.

Emotionally until you are clear to move toward marriage. It's right to keep your distance and may I say sometimes it's even right to be cold. If you either of you young men or young ladies if you sense an emotional approach upon your heart.

By a young lady or by a young man. It's right to be cold. It's right for that other person to sense a block there that says. Sometimes you just need to be a little bit cold sisters. Sometimes it's right.

There'll be time to warm up. But there are times to just be a little bit cold. I'm not saying unkind. I'm not saying that but I'm just saying there ought to be us a little bit of a sensing coming from you that says No.

I'm not open. I'm not available. I'm not interested. Sometimes those kind of impressions need to come. Because it is right to keep your distance emotionally until the proper time. Mm-hmm. All right a little more on courtship.

Courtship is for marriage so We're looking at marriage here this morning. I'd like to encourage you this way each one of you young men and each one of you young ladies to rest in God's will. Concerning marriage.

God will not hide his will from you. God's will is not something that you must work and Sweat and labor and pray and dig and overturn everything and try to find it. God's will is not that way. God makes his will as clear as crystal in his time.

But here's the mistake and I I saw this so many times when I was in Bible school. You'd be there in the Bible school and the young ones would come in there 18 years old. Some young fellows say I God's called me to preach and before the first year was out He was spending days and nights alone with God trying to find out where God wanted him five years from now.

And we just told him look don't worry about five years from now. You just worry about right now. God will make clear what you're supposed to do five years from now when it's time to do it. And I would encourage you the same way.

I don't think it's real healthy. I think it's alright to say God. I'm committing my life partner into your hands. If you have one for me, I pray you'll prepare them. I pray that you do a work in their heart and do a work in my heart.

I don't see anything wrong with praying that way, but I think there's something very unhealthy. About 16 year olds and 17 year olds and many times even 18 year olds spending hours Wondering and pondering and praying that God would show them.

Hey, God's not gonna hide it from you. He's more concerned about you getting married than you are. He will not hide it when his time comes that person that he wants for you. It'll just be as clear as a bell to you.

It'll come right out and hit you in the face. You won't be able to get away from it. And sometimes I think that's kind of good. You know if God has to come up and knock us in the head and say hey right there.

It's interesting to me as I work With young people and I work through the these matters of courtship and marriage how many times. And I think this is a good sign not a bad one. I've heard young people say I'm not getting married.

I don't think God wants me to get married. I have no desire to get married. I have nobody in mind and three months later all of a sudden they're going to get married. What happened? God hit him in the head.

God said here's my will. You've been resting in my will. You've been looking to me you've been trusting me you've wrapped your life up in me. You're busy in my work. By the way, I'd like you to get married.

It'll bless the kingdom of God. It'll make your ministry more fruitful. Yes, Lord Thy servant here. Oh, that's sweet. That's sweet. So rest in God's will fretting worrying longing is not resting. Is it third of all as you feel and Sense God's leading in your life that he does want you to marry and You're old enough and you're mature enough and I emphasize the mature enough a whole lot more than old enough.

I Think that's a fallacy. I'm 18. I'm going. I Don't think you're ready. If that's your heart, I'm 18 and I'm going. I don't think you're ready. So I emphasize the maturity more than the age here this morning.

But when you sense that God is leading you that way and it's time to begin to seek his face. Then you need to do that with much prayer with fasting by seeking counsel and by the wisdom of just using your own mind to examine and to Qualify a young man or a young lady for your life's partner.

I Think we need to seek the face of God. I think we need to have a witness from heaven about who we're supposed to marry. But God did give you a mind and he does enlighten us to the principles of these words and we can take those principles and with Right discernment evaluate with this young man or with this young lady make a good life partner for me.

I remember a young man who was considering getting married. Not a caution about who he was wanting to consider. And I just gave these words to him. I said young man. Do you feel like God has a call on your life?

He said yes, I do. I Said then you make sure when you find you a wife you find one who's willing to bear the cross. You find one that's bearing the cross. You find one that's living for God. You find one That's hot after God.

Don't you marry one? That's less than that. She'll ruin your ministry and A sobriety settled down over that young man's heart and I think those are good words for every one of you young people. It's more than just a couple that gets together and they live their life together.

It's much more than that. It's a ministry That can be blessed of God and used of God the prosperous kingdom with an anointing upon it. If you look at it that way, I don't think you'll make any flippant choices.

If you look at it that way I don't think you'll go by how cute he is or how pretty she is or how she wears her dresses or how she walks or any of that stuff. But rather you'll start looking for godly character in those people.