Paul's Self-Distrust — A.W. Tozer

Still in Philippians 3, and you must grind it out again by reading it once more. In 7 to 15 of Philippians 3, beginning with, but those tend to me I found it lost for facts. And that's only to note and found in him not having my own righteousness, but the righteousness which is of God's respect.

With same means I might attain, and not to go I had already had attained, but I follow after, and I forget the things that are behind, and I search forward, and what I search forward must not. Now, this man, this most aggressive man, the boldest man, this pure-hearted man, and this painter.

Paul's Boldness and Reliance on God's Grace

And if you think I'm overstating, let me read to you some things. The Holy Ghost instantly says itself, that in every city bonds and afflictions awaken, but none is new. Neither count I my life near under myself, so that I might finish my course in my ministry.

He said rather partly, Though you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, you have one. You have not many followers, for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Therefore be followers of me.

In 1st chapter he said, I have judged already what to do concerning this man, that he done this deed to the Lord Jesus Christ with the power of the Lord Jesus. I have decided to deliver such a one that's taken for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

The last thing he said, From henceforth let no man trouble me. I bear in my body the mark to the Lord Jesus. Now those are only five texts. But you'll find them all through Acts and Luke. There was a pure-heartedness about the man.

None of this crawling on his stomach. This man, what he believed, knew where he stood. He knew God, and he was confident with a great confidence. But that same man was yet the most careful man. Listen to this.

Paul's Humility and Distrust of His Own Goodness

Later, 1st century. I am the least, and there not need to be called an apostle. It is only by the grace of God that I am what I am. 2nd century. That we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God and not of us.

3rd century. This is a taste for shame and worthy of all exaltation. That Jesus came into the world to save sinners of which I am true. Romans. I know that in me is in my natural flesh, in my body, in my natural nature, in my soul.

For I know that in me dwelleth no good sin. Now I haven't exhausted these texts. I've only given you five precepts on each side. And therefore we may properly conclude that Paul's great triumph from his side resulted from an end.

And radical distrust of himself. And that's what I'm going to teach on tonight. Self-distrust as the last great obstacle, or self-trust, obstacle to spiritual triumph. And this man Paul didn't trust himself.

Before his life, before God, he couldn't say too much against himself. He had no confidence Paul. And the confidence of the man, God was in inverse proportion to his confidence in himself. As far as he trusted himself, he did not trust God.

As far as he distrusted himself, he was thrown out upon God. Now, self-trust, the expectability and self-assurance which comes by education, birth, what you hear about yourself and about yourself, and all the texts you make of yourself, self-trust is the last great obstacle to go out of the light.

God says, after you think it's gone, it still isn't gone. And that is why we wait. There's a deep river of God. There's animals around the waterhole. Crazy wind. They never do quite get in. There was an old man that I want to quote a little tonight, not boringly.

He had a wonderful name, I think, Lorenzo Cipolli. I think that's his name. Well, Lorenzo Cipolli was one of those strange Protestants. In his lifetime, he had a father of running knees. He was considered more or less a heretic of his evangelical views.

That was way back a few 400 years ago. And he said this. Distrust of yourself is so necessary to you in this combat that without it, you must hold it certain. What I like about such men as all the others is the clear, sharp, clean language they use without any as-it-were stuff, without any of that, well, as-it-were and so to speak.

Remember that. He said, distrust of yourself is so necessary to you in this spiritual combat that without it, you must hold it certain that you will not be able to die a victory. Distrust of self. Then he said, we are much too easily inclined to a false opinion of ourselves without any foundation at all.

He said, we presume vainly in our own sense. Now, this is, in effect, very difficult to understand. And most displeasing in the eyes to love us and desire in us a loyal recognition of every great, loyal recognition, recognition that every great and every virtue proceeds from him who is the fountain of all good and that nothing, not even a good thought can come from us except it be of his will.

Self-Trust as the Hidden Obstacle After Conversion

Now, you can be converted, born again, and be walking around testifying for a hundred years and never find this out. Others haven't been around a hundred years, but we haven't found this out yet. We haven't found out what Paul, and what the Bible quotes but never answers us.

That this obstacle to spiritual victory is self-trust. And after sin has been put away, every sin that we know has in our search for God. And after all the self-things that we know about have been crucified, we've stopped boasting, we've stopped loving ourselves with sin, and we've put away the hyphenated cells then, and things are pretty well gone.

And we've reckoned ourselves indeed to be dead, have died with Jesus Christ. And after we've humbled ourselves, even publicly, by going to an altar, and have cells, then self-trust may be stronger than it was before.

Because it has more foundation to build on. And so after we have put away our sins, and after we have given up our wealth, we have taken a poor position, and allowed ourselves to be shoved around, and after we have been rubbed in the dust, then self-trust history is consolation.

So, take that consolation of self-history there for the Holy Ghost. A week when you think we're strong. And self-consolation and self-trust history is like this. It says, now you're far. You people are in your seventies and nineties.

You're far in advance of us. And you've put it. And you've confessed and humbled yourself. Now you may trust yourself, of course, with God's help. And you may expect a victory to come. And power to be at your side.

You're not one of these, you're one of these, these living self-selfs. And it cost you a lot, hasn't it, brother self? And you, you, you've had to part with friends in order to push on, hasn't you, self-self, and rubbed your back, and you enjoy it so much.

And self says, you've put sin behind you, haven't you, yes. And self, now you may trust yourself. You're, you're up there. You're getting somewhere. Of course, you understand, it's got to be God's help.

But victory now, now that self-trust, brother, and almost all the joy every Christian has is the back-stretching. That's all the pleasure you get is the back-stretching that you get from self. You take a cat, and between the ears, and it'll close its eyes, and you call hunker down.

That is, back in Pennsylvania, that's what I mean. Hunker, and just, you know, crouching. I think that's an old Scotch word. And quite familiar to me as my boyhood. Well, a cat will do that to be scratched.

A cow will come, put her head over the fence, and you scratch her between the ears, and pet her, and she'll love and stand there. Self is all the scratching the ears of the people of God. And the further they go on into the world, the further they go, the more back-stretching they get, the more ear-stretching.

And self says, well, certainly you know better, on the campus. And you, you, you're different. You love the old you. And you remember this? And you're a separated Christian. None of these movies for you.

None of this crazy modern stuff for you. You're, you're better. And you don't know what's happening to you. You're, you're, you're feeling good. And you're feeling good, it's strictly your self that hasn't yet died.

The self-trust is there. After you think it's gone. Why is self-trust so wrong? Self-trust is so wrong because it robs God to give to man. God said, you have robbed me. And you say, wherein have we robbed you?

Well, that was under another context. But we rob and we take away from God the, the, this thing that the brother wrote about, that he is the God of all good. And that nothing, not even a good thought can come from us except it comes from God.

We take that away to give it to our converted and sanctified self. And it's just as bad, just as bad as it can be because it takes away from God the ultimate, the final trust. It misjudges God and holds God to be less than he is and man to be more than he is.

This is mainly the trouble with it. You think God's less than he is, more than he is. And you can go to school and study theology and learn how God is the source and fountain and all the rest and learn about the attitude in our heart.

Still believe God is less than he is and we're more than we are. And thus it's like, it's like the moon. Suppose the moon could talk and think and have a personality and should begin to say, well, I shine.

I shine on the earth. And I, that I'm around where I can reach the earth. I see the earth become beautiful. And somebody would come and say, well, listen, if you're by yourself, you're a bird's eye. Don't you know that you've been discovered and found out?

You don't shine unless the sun is shining. And I could see myself telling the moon, well, you're shining. You're doing a good job. I notice when you're not up, the whole side of the earth lies in darkness.

But when it lightens up and you begin to see the roofs of houses and you do a fine job. And the moon would nod and say, well, the glory belongs to God. And by the grace of God I'm like this. But all the time the moon thinks it's shining.

The moon isn't shining at all. It's reflecting. And St. Paul could boldly shine and talk. Because he knew that he wasn't shining in the fall. He knew that he didn't have a thing that was set for heaven.

It was the grace of God in him. He completely and radically distrusted himself. No man ever really knows about himself. He doesn't know how weak he is. He just doesn't know what he sounds like. Everybody thinks he sounds right until he hears himself on tape.

How God Exposes Human Weakness

Well, it never happened to me. It happened about ten years ago when I had my first sermon placed on a record, a part of it. I heard that. I never could stand myself then. Never. Never could stand myself.

Never could stand the sound of my own voice. And I heard myself on tape dozens of times trying to work something out that I could use. But it always comes time, I have been told, that I had a fine preaching voice.

People coming, good voice. But I heard it first. Nobody needed any more of it. I listened to it. I've been forced to hear it. But no man knows the sound of his own voice till he hears it. And no man knows how weak he is till God gets told him.

And nobody wants to be exposed. But God has to expose us. And what we consider our strength is our weakness. If you will think over your life reverently, carefully, in prayer, on the pad, the things you think are your virtues, those are your weaknesses.

And those very virtues force you to resolve trouble. And the only way you can deal with yourself is look away and look unto Him. You stop thinking about yourself at all. Now, nobody can know how weak he is until he's been exposed by the Holy Ghost and nobody wants to be exposed.

And nobody knows how unstable he is. A fellow in the Old Testament that said, Is thy servant a dog that I would do a thing like that? Apparently meant it. Went straight home and did it. Prophets are masters.

In reply, he went home and put a pillow over him and said, Remember a certain great old, bold, patron, he said, Let everybody else run from you, Lord, I'll not. The Lord said, Before the cross goes Christ, you will.

And he did. And you will find that nobody knows how unstable he is. And that's why it's dangerous to trust. That's why it's dangerous to trust our virtues. Because we're unstable. How then do we learn self-distrust?

The Four Ways God Teaches Self-Distrust

Well, this distrust is indeed the work of God's hand. And he's accustomed to give it to his dear friends in four ways. But it takes the hide off. But here are the four ways that God teaches distrust. Maybe four are valid ways.

He says, It's the work of God's hand that distrusts you. That's too bad. I saw a cartoon once of a fellow with a hole in the top of his head and a funnel. And somebody was told, I've always had a kind of a goofy longing that I could do that with congregations and all.

Just, just, just trick them and don't they call that? Put them, pour it in. But you can't get it that way. All any preacher can do, and I don't care who he is, All he can do is point to the Lamb of God, then you're on your own.

And if you don't make it fault necessarily, If he hasn't been quite honest enough, Hasn't been quite severe enough, Hasn't been quite powerful enough,. At least, if he's done that one thing, that's all.

Now, there are four things, says the dear old man of God,. And what he says is, And confirmed by almost all of the devotional writers, And the great hymns, And by persons about whom geographies were written.

Holy Inspiration and the Sudden Revelation of Human Need

He says, Sometimes it comes by holy inspiration. Now, that'd be the best way to, The best way to find out you're no good, Is to have God flash a holy inspiration into your soul, And just let you know suddenly.

I think that comes, I think it has, Brother Lawrence, you know, Herman, Nicholas Herman, Brother Lawrence, Said it happened to him. And he said, For forty years he never was out of the presence of God once.

Never out of the conscious presence of God. And he said, When I, and decided to obey Jesus, And walk this holy way. He said, From reading around and hearing, I gather, That I have to suffer. And he said, For some reason, God never counted me worthy of much suffering.

He just, He just let me, He said, I put all my self-trust away, And I'm trusting in God completely. Paraphrasing, Carrying his cross, He said, And believing around me, And near me, And praying all the time.

And he said, He's never given me very much suffering to do. And I, Decided quite a little bit of attention, Around and over this country, About little old Julian. There's Julian, Lady Julian. And they're searching for her books, And all the rest now.

Well, she only wrote one. And outside of that one, When she got her three rooms, She never had to do much suffering after that. God gave by a holy inspiration, Like she knew instantly, She was no good, And Jesus Christ was everything, And she stayed right there until she died.

Going every day. This way to get it, Would be for the Lord to come, And just by a sweet, Sudden holy inspiration, Within our hearts, Through the scriptures, Shall, If you say, Mr. Trader, I already know him better.

I'm a believer, In total depravity. You can be in believer, In total depravity, And be as proud as Luther, And trust yourself, To the faith of God, And present victory. Theological total depravity, Hasn't got a, Hasn't, Isn't what's most.

I happen to be one of those, Who believes, According to the scriptures, That man, Is a sinner by, What is it? Ailing by birth, And a sinner by choice. I believe that. I never believed anything else. I, I never had any trouble with theology.

Some people are in difficulty with theology. Either I don't have sense enough, Or the dear God preserves me, Because I never have any worry, About total depravity, Or how I can inherit, The evil from my father.

I, I don't know a thing about it. All I know is, As soon as I was, Ten, I went into the business. And I know that every child, I've ever known, Has seen, Does the same thing. And I said to the boys upstairs, Excuse this question.

Uh, I said, You know, Every race, And every nation, Has the same vice, Doesn't it? Everybody, He said, Yes, All but the Irish. Smack it to you, You see. But every nationality, Every same vice, But, The vice that stands out, Beetle nuts to one place, To something else, And another, Has the same vice.

And what's the reason? At least one. God knows there may be a thousand, But at least, Outstanding. Because, We're all alike. We're born, And uh, We can believe that, And accept it, And teach it, Boldly to others.

And those, Who, Most trust, May yet be the ones, Who are most often quoted, Quoting, All our righteousnesses, Are but filthy rags. Care to S on the end, Confirm the fact, That it's not singular, But plural.

All righteousnesses, Are filthy rags. Now, You see it takes, It takes the Holy Ghost, To tell you you're bad, And make you, Make you sick. It takes the Holy Spirit, To make you weak, And make you sick.

Uh, The teacher can tell you, You're weak, And you can go through, And get a degree that long, And come out, And proudly out, To be a teacher, Or proudly out, To be a missionary, Or a Bible teacher, Or whatever.

Difficult Experiences and the Example of Job

But he says, God wants, To give his friends, Or tell his holy friends, To teach them, To help be such, Sometimes, With holy, Or second, Sometimes, With harsh, Courage. With harsh, Courage. And I don't know, Who we could use, For a better L .F. Job.

We pity Job so, With human, Human sympathy. Take Job's part, Against God, If we don't watch ourselves. And we certainly, Take Job's part, Against his wife. The only good thing, About all that was, That she never heard of again.

I don't know, What happened to her, But she got out of the picture.