TLP 303: Parenting Zombie Terrorists

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All of this was taught beforehand, and then it was used in the confrontation to guide the child to what they already knew about God.

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Welcome to Truth, Love, Parent, where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. We've talked quite a bit about terrorist kids and zombie kids.

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There are four episodes in one full series linked in the description that deal explicitly with these ideas, and there are plenty of others where we mention them or discuss ideas like how to have peace even if your children are antagonistic towards you.

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Episode 121 is a good example of this. It's the second of a two -part episode called No Greater Joy, What You Need for Joy in Your Parenting, and it deals specifically with how you can have joy even if your kids aren't living for God.

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And we talk about this so much because it's the genesis of the TLP podcast. If you remember,

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I work at Victory Academy for Boys. My daily work is to parent at -risk, troubled, rebellious teen boys, and many of you are doing the same.

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In fact, recently, my family and I were on a hayride with a number of fine folks, but there was one family there that stood out from the rest.

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It was comprised of a grandmother, mother, and a son. This child had to be about two or three, and let me put it this way,

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I would gladly take a roomful of teenage rebellious boys over this one very bratty child.

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Now that may sound like harsh language, but this kid's mom and grandmother would try to get him to do the simplest things and he would just scream, no, in the nastiest way possible.

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Of course, he was quite the charmer when he was getting his way, but neither his mother, his grandmother, nor their combined forces were going to sway him.

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Now I want to be fair. The child was being wicked and practically ruining the hayride for the rest of us, and though I believe with all my heart this kid needed serious consequences for his actions, it was the mother and grandmother who really needed the spanking.

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To call them enablers would be too kind a word. They didn't merely allow him to act the way he did, they were the cause of his behavior in many ways.

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They encouraged it by their parenting. Now it may seem that again I'm being overly harsh, but I want you to know that I prayed for the family, the entire hayride.

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I really, I pitied them. I imagined any number of things I might be able to say or do, and none of them would have been valuable.

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I did the best thing for them I could, I prayed. I say all of this to say that this podcast was created because sin makes us scary to those around us.

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It doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter how old your kids are, sin is scary. I believe that mother and that grandmother had no idea what to do.

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To even suggest one tiny course of action that would have made all the sense in the world to you would likely have left them completely overwhelmed as to how to accomplish it.

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And then when they imagine the response they get from the two -year -old, no doubt they'd be petrified to even try.

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And I don't want that for you, I don't want that for them, I don't want it for anyone. Team TLPN and I desire more than anything that God would work through this podcast to help you reform your terrorists and give new life to your zombies.

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Anyway, that's kind of a long lead -in. I want to thank Johanna and Taylor for making this episode possible today.

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They are two patrons who specifically give so that TLP can open God's word to help families who have terrorists and zombies.

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So thank you very much, ladies. You as well can support TLP. You can click on the five ways to support

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TLP link in the description of this episode to learn how to give a one -time gift or sign up to give monthly. We utilize

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PayPal so it's safe and easy to invest your year -end giving. And don't forget to click our

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Amazon links before you shop on Amazon. If you do that, TLP will receive a commission off everything you purchased during that session.

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It's easy, it doesn't affect you at all, and all you have to do is keep doing what you've been doing. Lastly, if you would like to see the episode notes and transcript for today's show, you can find that link in the description as well.

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Okay, let's talk a little bit about parenting zombie terrorists. Way back in episode 37, we were reminded that the definition of terrorism is the systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion.

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Whether it's a three -year -old screaming no or a teenager threatening to kill herself, those are terror tactics.

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They want to scare you into changing your mind. And then in our Parenting a Zombie series, we defined a zombie this way.

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Zombies are brain -dead. Zombies think of only one thing, satisfying their hunger. Intelligent people who meet a zombie either try to kill it, run away from it, or lock it up.

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Zombies will tolerate great destruction to get what they want. Zombies never learn. It doesn't matter how many people hate it, how many people want to kill it, or how much destruction it suffers.

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Zombies are incapable of learning, and they never change. And we contrasted that description with the biblical concept of a fool, and we found that the

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Bible says that fools are brain -dead. Fools think of only one thing, satisfying their desires. Intelligent people who meet a fool try to hurt him or run from him.

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Fools will tolerate great destruction to get what they want, and fools often refuse to learn. Now, personally,

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I see huge overlaps here. I would say that, biblically speaking, terrorist children always fall into the zombie category.

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They have to. Every time any of us sin, we're living like zombies. That's the core of zombie behavior.

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But a zombie is not always a terrorist, at least not intentionally. If you haven't heard our

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Parenting a Zombie series, I highly recommend it. I was able to present that information recently to a group of teenagers at Camp Shattuck in western

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Wisconsin. One of the young ladies from the retreat wrote to me and said, I just wanted to thank you for your messages.

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The Lord always uses you to get straight through to my heart, and I really appreciate it. I really saw myself for who

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I am. I believe that God worked in a lot of hearts. This particular young lady is very sweet, and from what

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I know about her, loves the Lord and works hard to please Him, and yet she even saw the zombie tendencies in her own heart.

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I know they're there in mine, and I can say they're in your life and your children's lives simply by virtue of the fact that we're all sinners.

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So check out that series. It helped me a lot as I look at my own life, the life of my family members, and the lives of the boys in my house.

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If we don't know how to identify zombie behavior and parent it, it's going to be impossible for us to glorify

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God to the extent that we should. So a terrorist is always a zombie, but a zombie isn't always a terrorist.

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So let's take some time to discuss parenting a zombie terrorist. Back in episode 37, we defined

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Christian anti -terrorism with two points. Number one, we must never fear terrorists.

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And number two, we must never negotiate with terrorists. Now if you remember the hayride anecdote with which

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I started, you'll be able to see how this mother and grandmother not only feared the two -year -old, they also negotiated with him.

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The zombie terrorist won. He screamed loud enough to get mom and grandma off his back. He demanded a helicopter to Cuba and a pizza, and that's what he got.

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And for the parent of a zombie terrorist, the negotiation and the fear go hand in hand. You would never negotiate if you weren't afraid of what would happen if you didn't.

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And I want you to know that I have been in your shoes. I may have even been in shoes that were too big for you to fill.

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And some of you have experienced things with your kids that I have never experienced. But my point is that I'm, please understand,

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I'm not sitting back making claims about how you should approach parenting with my squeaky clean nose in the air.

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I have negotiated with my fair share of terrorists. I have parented out of fear.

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But I've also been convicted about my behavior, and I'm hoping that the Lord will continue to convict me and you as well.

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Proverbs 29, 25 tells me that if I'm trusting in the Lord, I will be safe. I know that if I keep my mind anchored on God, he will keep me in perfect peace.

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I also know that Acts 5, 29 warns that we must obey God rather than men.

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Peter said those words to a group of men who, we're told in verse 33, were enraged by what he said and wanted to kill him.

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So please, if you're being tempted to justify your fear or the times you negotiate with your kids or ignore their behavior, please acknowledge that God's truth condemns that and provides the information and power necessary to respond in a

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Christ -honoring way. Zombies by themselves are scary. They're brain dead.

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So in a way, they're not scary on purpose, but that doesn't change how scary they are. But when the zombie starts actively and aggressively and deliberately using terror tactics to manipulate, that's the stuff of our worst nightmares.

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So here are some practical ways you can set yourself up for success when parenting kids like this.

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Number one, realize that God has not called you to change your kids. He's called you to be an ambassador of his truth.

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My mom used to ask, what's the worst they can do? Kill you? And Jesus said the same in Matthew 10, 28, do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.

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Rather, fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Don't fear your kids.

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What's the worst they can do? However, you do need to fear God. He's the almighty creator God. His will is the only will.

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To defy God in order to assuage your kids will never work in your favor, and it'll only set your kids up for more failure.

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And it's not his will that you change your children. Number two, create a new paradigm during a time of peace.

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Your zombie terrorist is smart and manipulative. It might not work well for you to try a new tactic in the middle of a confrontation.

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They may likely take your new behavior and try to use it against you. However, if you can establish truth and rhythm during times of little to no confrontation, you can use those as touchstones when confrontation does come.

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For example, I was just listening to Joe Martin's new episode on Real Men Connect and the guest was discussing spanking.

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The guest did a really good job of laying out a biblical paradigm for what he called the ritual of Christ honoring spanking.

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And one of the first and most important steps is setting up the correct expectations. He taught his kids the biblical importance of obedience.

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When they would sin, he would guide them through a biblical understanding of the fact that they disobeyed, that disobedience is a sin, that God says one of the best ways to discipline the heart of a child is to give them

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Christ -honoring consequences, and that if Daddy didn't spank them, Daddy would be disobeying God himself. All of this was taught beforehand, and then it was used in the confrontation to guide the child to what they already knew about God.

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Your child who's not currently in trouble will find it pretty easy to agree with the biblical data concerning the role of consequences in their lives, but try to convince them of that when they're rolling around in their sin, good luck.

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So if you need to stop negotiating with your terrorist, you need to have that talk before their next terror attack.

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Explain to them God's expectations for obedience and discipline. Explain your own disobedience to God by not following His will, but instead catering to your child.

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And then apologize to your children for not loving God and them enough to do the hard thing. Then explain to your child what you hope to do the next time there's an infraction.

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Step them through the script, if I can put it that way, of how you're going to address the sinful behavior and how you're going to consequence it and what you're going to have to do in addition to that if the child presumes to manipulate you with terror.

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If you teach this to your child from the Bible in a kind, loving way, it'll be hard for them to disagree with your plan.

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They may not like it, but then their problem is with God, not you. And number three, stick to the plan.

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Your terrorist child is going to know, because you already told them, that breaking curfew would result in a loss of privileges for a certain period of time.

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He or she is not going to want to lose those privileges, so their natural temptation is going to be to defy you when you try to instigate those consequences.

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And they'll be emboldened to a large degree because they've likely gotten away with it over and over. They'll either try to blow you out of the water with their impassioned slander that you're a terrible parent.

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They may run right past you to their room, screaming and crying all the way. They may threaten to break something or even kill themselves.

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They may even quietly take the correction, but then expect to manipulate you out of actually going through with the consequences the next time they want to go out with their friends.

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That's when they'll launch into their attack. Either way, you must stick to the plan. And this is where wise parents garner support.

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I mentioned this a ton of times in the Parenting Angry Children series. If your child is slanderous or malicious, then you will need to fall back on your parenting community to support you in this.

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You may need a friend to come over to the house in order to have this discussion with your teen. You're going to need your spouse's participation, obviously, assuming they're on the same page with you.

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You're going to need your pastor's help as well. You're dealing with a zombie terrorist. I don't care what movie you watch, if you're facing the zombie or the terrorist by yourself, you're going to lose.

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Unless, of course, you're Batman. But you know what? He needs help too. Hence the Justice League. Anyway, you must remember that your job is to teach and reprove using

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God's truth. The best course of action is to over -teach before there's an issue, so that when it comes time to reprove, you won't have to focus too much on the teaching element, but on the actual reproof.

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And you're going to have to stick to the plan. Spend as much time as you need to in prayer. Add to your parenting

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Bible. Surround yourself with mature believers who can help you glorify God in the process. Please notice that I didn't say who can help you control your kid.

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Your parenting community is there to help you parent to the glory of God, not guarantee that your kid will obey.

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They're there for you. And number four, trust God to deal with your child as you submit to his plan for your parenting.

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The main reason we struggle trusting God with our kids is that we're really not trusting him at all. He wants us to not fear our kids.

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He wants us to parent them in truth and love, but we are afraid of them and we let them live in a way that displeases him with no consequences.

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If you can't trust God to guide your parenting, how on earth are you going to trust him with the product of your parenting?

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Not only do you not trust God with your kids because you're not trusting him with your parenting, I think we also don't trust that our kids will turn out well because deep inside we know we're not parenting as well as we should.

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It's like a soldier listening to his fellow soldiers get moaned down by a machine gun fire while he's hiding in a foxhole refusing to engage the enemy.

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On one side, he's petrified that he too will die, but on the other, he's ashamed of himself for being a coward while his brothers -in -arms are laying down their lives to advance the army.

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And if he survives, he will likely live with the guilt of wondering if things would have been different if he had just done his part.

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The same thing can be true for us as parents. God gave us a conscience and the more of his light to which we've been exposed, the easier it is for us to experience good shame when we know we're not parenting as God has called and commanded us.

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But if you are consistently, intentionally, and premeditatedly parenting your children for God, then you know that you're being a successful parent whose parenting is not in vain.

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You're doing what God called you to do. He did not call you to change your kids. He called you to change you.

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Trust him to do the same work in your kids that he's done in you. If this episode has been a blessing to you, please write and review the show on iTunes.

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It helps us connect with more Christian parents who want to glorify God. And thank you for the part you play in making us the number nine podcast in the whole

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Christianity category on Podomatic, and solidly in the top three podcasts for Christian parents on iTunes.

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And of course, please share this episode on your favorite social media outlets and join us next time as we discuss the value of horror movies.

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Already some of you have completely disagreed with me on that statement. I'm not saying that they do have value. The episode is going to be about working through what the

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Bible says on the subject and determining what value, if any, they have in our homes. God wants you to be able to discern what parts of our culture have value, and Truth Loved Parent wants to help you discern that using the

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Scriptures. So let's do that together next time. Truth Loved Parents is part of the

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Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.