A Pain Free Life — Shane Idleman

It is Mother's Day weekend as you know if you haven't bought those roses yet. That's what you're gonna do after the service, right? But I just want to obviously publicly acknowledge all the moms and thank them for what they do and how they keep everything together and I wanted to just preach this message for you and not only thank you, but maybe help give you some hope as well.

Life Without Pain Is Impossible

The title of the message tonight is a life without pain or a pain-free life. I was going back and forth on the sermon title and that's not possible. Is it? Because you're you're thinking wait a minute.

Where are you going with this one? Not on this side of heaven. There is not a pain-free life. It's it's not a life without pain and I'm hopefully gonna close on this when the sermons over but for now Let's just talk about a few different things in regard to pain.

And I've seen moms tend to receive the most pain and the reason is they give and they give and they give and Then when certain things don't work out they can take that sometimes more personally than the fathers they're giving and they're giving of themselves and the pain is great and we can ignore it and Probably one of the most recent examples of pain I saw was when I had the privilege of giving a memorial service for a One year old that died in Leona Valley two weeks ago.

We had the service. And that's not easy. It's not easy to bury a child and some of you know that. And what do you say at a point like that? It's it's the pains unbearable. It's it's you don't you don't just get over it it's something you live with for the rest of your life, and I emailed her this week and checked in with her husband and They're thankful for the church, of course and wanting to hopefully start attending the services, but I asked if I could Read something that was in the handout at the memorial service.

And it was actually difficult to read right before the service started. The husband came up and said I don't think I'm gonna be able to read this. Can you and I'm like sure no problem, and then I start to read it.

It's real brief and and. And I didn't know you know if I could get through that. But I think it's important because it'll it'll kind of bring this whole point in of pain. I don't know I think it was written by the mother I'm not sure but it it reads like this.

There's not a day that passes that I don't sit and cry and look to heaven for a reason why? Couldn't he have waited another year to until you're older and I had more time with you. I told you Not done yet.

Forgive me Lord. I then say all these thoughts are wrong there had to be a reason and I know I must be strong. You're in the arms of Jesus now, and I know that you'll be fine, but I wish with all my heart that those arms could be mine.

It was a grieving Mom and dealing with the pain of that and and it's it's life. I wish I could Offer solutions and this and just checklist, but you can't the thing about pain is you got to go through it.

Do you have to go through it? I'm gonna look at four examples five examples actually on this on Women who went through pain and how they persevered, but I want to encourage the men as well. This is not just a Mother's Day sermon.

You can gleam a lot of important principles from this and men. I want to remind you that you either comfort them in pain, or you add to it. Those are your choices. You either comfort them in their pain, or you add to it.

Unfortunately men have been on the the adding to its side way too long and burdening our wives and moms to such a degree that That they are filling the stress, that's why I think a lot of Medication has skyrocketed, and and we're running to something instead of running to God.

Our spouse is a picture of being made like us bone of bone and flesh of my flesh Adam said and Companionship is linked with covenant the two shall become one flesh. And we have to remember that when we when we come together husbands and wives.

We are one flesh. It's one so when you're hurting her you're hurting yourself. It's it's the pain That the husband is supposed to take away and often they add to it. And I was reading a book this week entitled leadership pain the classroom for growth.

And if you're in ministry, it's a good book. But he prepares you for pain in ministry. It's coming and it comes often and how and it's really the classroom for growth. And he said this the pain the pain isn't the enemy the inability or unwillingness to face the pain Is a far greater danger.

Now obviously in the case of this mom or anybody who's lost a child. It isn't really the context isn't dealing with that. The pain he's talking about here is when others hurt us, and there's pain and we have to address something and we don't You ever think I'll just improve itself.

You know that'll fix itself and a couple weeks go by and say Lord I hope that fixes itself and a month goes by and it's clear. It's not fixing itself and Many times because we don't address the pain that there's.

Hannah: Persevering Through Pain

That the damage is even greater by the inability or unwillingness to address it. So the first woman I want to look at is Hannah. Some of you might not know who Hannah was. And I really loved her story.

It's in first Samuel one if you want to read that tonight. First Samuel one and the first point is persevere through pain. Persevere through pain. Hannah's pain was that she never bore a child and Men you can't relate.

But trust me and this isn't just a couple weeks or a couple months or a couple years. This is a long time of Her not having a child and the pain of that of that and persevering through that pain because see here's the thing You have to remember about pain.

It's a catchy little phrase. I've said it many times before but I want you to really remember this pain makes you better or it makes you bitter. You're gonna choose. I'm gonna choose do we come better or to be we become bitter and that bitterness when that bitterness begins to Overtake us.

It's not pretty. Let me read Hannah. Hannah's vow in first Samuel 1 8. I'm Sam. I'm sorry for Samuel 8 then Elkan on her husband said to her Hannah. Why do you weep? Why do you not eat and why is your heart grieved?

That's a lot of pain when you're not eating and you're weeping. This isn't a crying like hand me a tissue. This is have you ever have you ever just? Uncontrollable weeping and that that travail of the soul and it's it's a weeping that it can't be easily taken away.

And he says I'm not I'm am I not better to you than ten sons. So Hannah rose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorstep doorpost of the tabernacle of the Lord and she was in bitterness of soul and Prayed to the Lord and wept and anguish.

Then she made a vow and said Oh Lord of hosts. If you will indeed look on my affliction on your maidservant and remember me and not forget your maidservant. But will give your maidservant a male child.

Then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life and no razor shall come upon his head. Now if we had time I could talk about the Nazarite vow and and and no wine or razor. Coming on I said it was basically Nazarite vow was being set apart for God and it's it's a wonderful thing to be set apart for God but the first thing we can glean from this is always take it to the Lord and She was in bitterness of soul and prayed to the Lord and wept in Anguish, I wish that was the case for most people.

But you know how this normally reads and she was in bitterness of soul and she got mad at God. And drove the liquor store. But that's we we just and I've dealt with being mad at God in this in this area.

Because pain when it comes in your you it has to go somewhere, you know. So that's why you take it to God and you say he knows your pain. He bore Christ bore our pain on the cross is that anguish so when you take it to him.

It's a loving father who understands this is an all-sufficient Savior that I talk about all the time. Not just a half a Savior not he's asleep half the time not you might be able to find him. He's there.

He's an ever-present help and you take that anguish to him because here's when you take it to him God starts to rebuild your heart and Strengthen you as you're praying and weeping and he's he's meant he's mending and Mentoring and all these things you're taking him, but you don't take it to him and You get bitter and you get angry and you get so mad.

I Just I heard a testimony of a lady this week. I was hoping I'd reach out to help her but she was a lesbian and suicidal and She a lot of the pain being molested from her father. And she's so mad at God.

She's so mad at God. How could you that monster? And that's. If she would have took that to the God who can heal her she wouldn't be suicidal. She wouldn't be in this spot, and that's why pain is dangerous if you take it in the wrong direction.

Before divorce happens pain happens. When when spouses get bitter and resentful and mad and and that pain Drives them further away from God. So no matter what you're going through let that pain drive you to the Lord.

It can in a believer's life it can in an unbeliever's life. What a wonderful thing about pain is a wonderful gift is it can draw you to the cross? Because you finally say enough surrender God. I can't take anymore.

I'm surrendering this to the pain is too great. Have you ever kept doing something or being in the cycle, and you're saying I'm gonna lose my mind if this does not change I'm gonna the pain is too great.

So but Hannah persevered and she was waiting a long time when he says Talks about this well if I had time to read it. I think made servants and different things. It's not a good concept. But we don't have that today but her husband could have other children through other wives and she saw all these children in the Blessings of those children, and she was weeping of heart.

Why not me God? Why not me? Why not and I take the wise to God too. I've asked him why God why why why? And sometimes there's no answer and So she was bitter many many years. But she persevered and she took it to God and said if you give me a child that's boldness if you give me a child a male child I will vow to you that I will give him to you all the days of my life and that man became one of the Most strongest prophets in all of Israel by the name of Samuel.

This guy would walk into a city and the people would would would be scared. Samuel are you are you here in peace? Yes? Yes? Why because he carried the anointing of God? Because she persevered in doing what was right.

You know I don't I don't know Why put this in it right before probably an hour and a half ago. I Wrote this do we always need to put our own self-interest first I? Mean let's just be honest. Do we is it always about us?

Well me this and me this and me what? Sometimes I want to look at those who are considering divorce and say can you look in the eyes of your children? Just just look at the look in the eyes of your kids.

Why is it always about you and always about me my feelings what I want. I just want to be happy now. I don't want to minimize any of that. I think it's good to be happy and God wants to bless us and yeah We do have to be concerned about our own mental state.

But sometimes you got to put self-interest in the trash can to stay committed to what God wants to do and Put others first. The second point is stay committed during the pain stay committed during the pain.

Ruth: Staying Committed During Pain

Because here's what will happen often once we go. Do you know a lot of people have drifted from God as a result of pain? They leave that first love they they do. I can't believe you let me go and you they they fall away.

Or they get mad at God. And and like I told the mom that was mad at God at the memorial and she was had so many questions I said it's okay. It's okay. It's human nature to What Lord I can't understand this take it to him.

Take it to him. He can he can rebuild he can Strengthen and that the peace when the Bible talks about the peace that surpasses all understanding. When do you think that peace comes? When you're in the midst often of something Dramatic, that's why that's why people often say I can't believe if it wasn't for God's grace.

I would have I felt tremendous peace Through that stay committed during the pain. What about Ruth? My people are your people if you know the story of Ruth, I would encourage you to read it. It's a foreshadowing of Christ often people would say it's a Kingsman Redeemer Boaz what it was able to purchase the the I'm not Kingsman Redeemer is she lost her husband and the next family member would be able to marry her and he was her Kingsman Redeemer.

He redeemed her but before this happened. She was getting she lost her husband and Her mother-in-law lost her husband and they're just they're saying we've got to leave this land we've got to go to a different place and I'll pick up in Ruth 1 15 and She Naomi Which was the mother-in-law said look your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods.

Return after your sister, but Ruth said entreat me not to leave you. In other words, I'm not going to leave you or turn back from following after you for wherever you go I will go and wherever you lodge I will lodge.

Your people shall be my people and your God will be my God. Where you die I will die and there will be and there I will be buried the Lord do so to me and more. Also, if anything but death part you and me.

That's a serious commitment. You know when I heard this September 2002 look at that, right? This is actually the what the vow that Morgan chose at a wedding. It was powerful to say I'm I'm going where you're going.

I'm dying where you're dying where you go I will go my people be your people and that could that that Covenant that contract of keeping keeping the two together. Stay committed during the pain. See the commitment doesn't break when it's easy.

The commitment breaks during the pain and you guys so I say oh you and Morgan probably have it easy. No, there's been 14 years. It's not always been easy. There's been pain. There's been pain and probably wanting to break this covenant.

From time to time and because that's the answer sometimes right here comes the pain. I'm out of here. Let me break and I don't want to minimize pain, please. I hope you don't take away from this that Shane just thinks I should be and pain all my life.

No, I pray against pain. I want to relieve pain. I hope that God takes pain from us, but don't give up. Don't give up look up. That's one of the important things as you go through pain you stay committed to the vows you've made of marriage.

But you also stay committed to things you told God. God loves commitment. Now let me reiterate there are times when you don't have to stay in abusive relationships. You can take time and separate and I'm going to get emails on either side of that one.

But I think it's I think you can remove yourself not divorcing you're removing yourself from a difficult Environment that we're maybe your safety your children's safety. There's maybe drug use and abuse and you step away from that pain to let God work.

But here's what happened they step away and they go to plan B. Wait a minute, you're not even divorced. You're married. You're dating somebody else. Oh, yeah the pain they're helping relieve that pain.

No, they're not. They're not helping you relieve that pain. You're getting stuck. What do they call that rebound? You're rebounding not healthy. Anytime I took if they do step away for a season so God can work in their marriage don't have a plan B.

There's no backup plans. Turn off your phones. It's a good reminder. Maybe that was mine. But God honors commitment. God honors commitment. Here's what happened pain challenges our commitment. I'm out of here.

That's what we say, right? I'm out of here. You know why most people leave the church any church or this church to well, they don't like the preaching that's number one. No kidding pain pain. Is why a lot of people leave the church or of course, they're not being fed.

That's it. Has valid point sometimes it doesn't you know often say to people, you know, if a chef is cooking food and nine people are growing and one's not it might not be the The the the food or the chef it might be the person.

That's not growing and that's that that excuse work sometimes but a lot of times because it's because pain somebody hurt me so I'm leaving I. There's there's a couple people now that have left here and they sit because I didn't say hi to them.

Wow, I mean and that causes me pain. Tell me really I didn't even know you were you know so but this pain we carry and I'll talk to people and if we left if you leave a church for pain me and Morgan would have left the first week.

We wouldn't be here. We would have left the second week and the third week and the fourth week and they go. You're the pastor you have to no, no, no, no, no true to some degree but You we God's teach us you got to deal with it.

You got to deal with the pain. You got to deal with the pain and many people and and what's what we see is they go from church to church. To church and never grow because they never deal with the pain.

All a lot of what Christian maturity is is you're growing in the pain and you're maturing. You're you're you're Zipping it up and you're you're you're confronting lovingly and you're growing but people go from church.

I got hurt. I got hurt. I got hurt. Yes people will hurt you if you're coming if you're leaving church if you're Leaving actually a relationship with God because of people you're focused on the wrong thing people will hurt you.

God never will. God never will. Got and actually God loves commitment. Blessed is the man who swears to his own hurt. God loves a committed person who keeps their word. Commitment. God will bless that but we don't see the blessing right now.

We see it as painful and I'm out of here and God wants us. I believe in many many areas to stay committed and thank God. Ruth stay committed because from her came the lineage of Christ. Can you believe that if she would have just went back because of the pain and it's too great.

She would have missed Being. I don't know if she was great-great-great grandfather, but grandmother, but she was in that lineage number three maintain godly boldness through pain. Maintain godly boldness through pain.

Esther: Maintaining Godly Boldness

The reason I bring this up is because pain often makes us timid. You know what the definition of timidity is right lack of courage. Lack of fear. So here comes pain. I'm no longer bold. And that's why people can stay in abusive relationships because they're timid they're hurt and They can't they can't be bold because the pain pushes them down.

Esther of course. You know the story of Esther if you don't I would encourage you to read it. She was a Jew and her people were tricked by Haman and this decree went out to kill the Jews and Mordecai.

I said You need to speak to the king. She says I can't do that. You can't just go in and speak to the king you could die and he says well if you don't do something. We're all gonna die and God might bring some other Salvation through some other means and it's a famous verse that that we use a lot is if I perish I perish.

Esther said if I perish I perish I will go before the king. I will stop this wicked plan and if I perish I perish and she was in a lot of pain. She just learned that her people are gonna be annihilated.

It's like if you just heard Isis is coming in three days to your house you think you're not gonna be any pain in any fear and What she did she maintained godly boldness and pain. She didn't cower down because often.

Here's what the good thing about pain is pain can increase your boldness. Because if you can stay bold in pain you can stay bold anywhere. You can tell the atheists that that's not right. You can stand up for God if you can stand up through pain you can stand up in any type of adversity.

Because pain is the great leveler it puts us all on the same page. And that's what people many people are scared. They don't want to feel the pain. But you must maintain godly boldness through pain. Basically we need to do what is right even when we don't feel like it.

So when you're going through that pain make sure to maintain godly boldness. The fourth point protect your home. Spiritually even in the midst of pain. What happens a lot is a Mother's Day message? I know but they'll and they're good at this a lot.

Abigail: Protecting the Home Spiritually

Moms are good this they'll protect their home. Spiritually even if their husband is a deadbeat just a. Yeah, I'll leave it at that. Just and they'll protect their home, but this is a perfect example. Abigail first.

Samuel 25 let me just read the the commentary from a good article. Five strong women of the Bible. Abigail protected her family spiritually in the midst of pain. Abigail was the wife of a wicked and self-centered man named Nabal.

David who had been anointed King, but had not yet taken office sent servants to kindly asked Nabil to show Hospitality to him and his servants. David's servants had been companions and protectors of Nabal's shepherds.

So you have David is protecting this guy's shepherds out in the wilderness. And they just sent some people to him to ask for provision. Well, what did Nabil do. His response was that David was lazy and presumptuous?

Not good. Nabil was a very pride. Pride will make you say stupid things. Pride will. He was prideful and arrogant and Richie's out. David's just lazy and presumptuous. I'm not giving him anything. Bad idea because then you'll die as a result of doing that to David, but he was so prideful and arrogant.

David who was traveling with his men after the burial. Samuel was angered at Nabal's reply so David prepared his men for a fight. So Abigail here comes. Abigail she heard what transpired between her husband and the servants of David and she said oh my word.

This we're doomed. Our whole family is going to be destroyed so what did she do. She loaded up a Feast of food and went to meet David along the way. She had hoped that her actions would calm David so that he would spare her family from death.

David agreed to spare the family for Abigail's sake. Nabil thinking himself to be someone special because he told David to take a hike through a big party for himself. He was drunk and unable to protect himself or his family.

The next morning Abigail told Nabil that she had taken an offering to David and by doing so turned back the king and his 400 soldiers. Nabil was so shocked That the Bible says his heart died within him and became a stone and within ten days he was dead.

So you have this this woman Abigail who says I'm gonna protect my family even when my husband is drunk and not doing anything For my family. I'm going to protect and God honored that guess who ended up marrying David Abigail.

So in this pain instead of cowering back She said I'm going to protect my My family spiritually and that might be a good word for some of you that no matter if you're your husband or the other spouse.

It's the other way if they're arrogant and addicted or they're causing demise. You can still bring that covering that spiritual covering to your home and bring protection there. It's a wonderful thing.

Rahab: Past Pain and Future Blessing

The fifth point. Don't allow past pain to prevent future blessing. This is huge because we can beat up ourselves many times can't we. And I'm gonna throw one woman in here. You might say why you're throwing her in there.

Well Rahab The harlot. I'm gonna use her as example. Here's why she did not allow past pain to prevent future blessing. Rahab means Open or wide and Joshua means Yahweh. God is my salvation. It's almost like God brought Joshua Into that land.

This is one of the first cities they conquered and Rahab the harlot was there and the reason I want to bring her up is I think a lot of people are living with a lot of regret. Men, too and women and They're living with that regret and regret.

Let me remind you that regret should push you to the cross. Push you to God. You can't just get rid of that pain because that pain will serve a purpose. And I like a friend of ours I can send it to you.

Jackie Sill wrote something I just caught the first. It's a block. She wrote Just the first paragraph the other day and I said this is perfect. She said we need to allow ourselves to fill the same searing pain of regret.

Without fearing that we won't recover. See the pain of regret is powerful because it makes you makes you say I'm not doing that again. But then God can rebuild and recover your life because the truth is we can't acknowledge wrong.

Feel horrible and recover. So what the enemy wants to do is you feel the pain of regret and then you feel I'm never going to recover. I'm gonna stay in this spot of failure and never move forward. That's the lie.

That's a lie because you feel the pain of regret. You say I feel this horrible for what I did. But then you say I'm going to recover and learn from that and become a better person. That's what Rahab the harlot did.

She was her past but then she said I know that you guys fear God. I'm in Hebrew says by faith by faith. Rahab hit the spies and gained favor with God by faith regardless of her past. So, let me read that Joshua 2 8.

Now before the spies laid down she came up to them on the roof and said to the men I know that the Lord has given you the land and the terror of you has fallen on all of us and All the inhabitants of the land are faint-hearted because of you.

For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt. See, that's not a fairy tale. This is all true. They They knew that God delivered the children of Israel and it created shockwaves across the land and that they killed the two kings and the Ammonites.

They were utterly destroyed and as soon as we heard these things our hearts Melted so you have you see this big nation of Israel coming out of Egypt. God dries up the sea. They part over they kill these strong kings and they're coming towards the city to take it.

Now therefore I beg you swear to me by the Lord since I've shown you kindness. That you also will show kindness to my father's house and give me a true token and spare my father my mother my brothers My sister and all that I have and deliver our lives from death.

So she put all this into practice. She was bold she protected her home and She didn't look back on who she was but on who she wasn't going to become and that's a lot of times the enemy wants to keep us in that pain of regret and God can take a mess and make a miracle.

I'm going to say that a few times God can take a mess and make a miracle. Because what you do with the many times the mess will get us in a spot to where now God can work. So you take this is a mess. What's a new phrase a hot mess.

I'm a hot mess. I've never said that I'm not gonna ever say it but women I guess can get away with that and That mess can become a miracle if you take it to the one who can rebuild. See, that's a lot of times.

Are you seeing the point of pain now? Sometimes to can you imagine I mean really think about a life without pain and let's not miss this point. Jesus came from Rahab's lineage. Does that just does that just?

Blow your mind. Why not? Why not mention Rebecca and and Sarah and all these great but Rahab the harlot Jesus came from her. I'm just speechless and It makes me wonder did Joshua really need to spy out the land.

I Mean, they just conquered the entire Egyptian army. God did they can't conquer all these they're just they're not. I don't know if they really need to spy out the land. But was God maybe trying to save Rahab and her family because she had faith in God.

God brought Joshua and Rahab together to save that family. And I want to stop. I put this in here yesterday. God will often send people in our path when we need rescuing. God will often send people in your path when you need rescuing.

But there's a flip side to this and he'll send us to rescue others. He'll send us to rescue others, but the many many times we don't position ourself. Very well, and I want to just throw out a few ideas and get involved in the community somehow.

Rescuing Others Through Community Ministry

That's one reason I want I like coaching Little League baseball. Believe it or not. Not all those parents are Christians or the kids and you're staying involved in the community. So you can pray you can be you might be that that that person who rescues it, but you've got to be out there.

What about prisons when you give you receive? There's people in prison we can go and visit or You many times there's when I went and visit somebody in San Diego. I mentioned it before I Was the only visitor that he's had in eight months and his mom and dad can't get down there.

They're they're they're Helmets and just as dad's. I think it's bedridden. So we have some some of the women going there and helping too and the men we should step up and see If they need anything. Mow the lawn take out trash do you know and that's what we have to be out in the the community to rescue people.

What about the hospital homes? We still need more helpers. We still need more helpers. I just stopped by Thursday and it. You have to give to receive and when I go to give I also receive. That's how you signed in there to Michael and gave a Bible study with John Washington.

But I went into one of the ladies her names. I don't know if I should say the names because somebody's confidential, but she can't talk and She was having a panic attack and couldn't get the nurses and I could tell.

This Shane don't have a panic attack, too. So I just God just pre just prayed with her and for and I'm praying the Lord and I look at her and she's she's fine. I'm like, oh, thank God, you know, I get the nurses and they're they're around her later and.

But I left there kind of like that was you know, that's scary, you know. Their little buttons not working and she's can't breathe through her through the trach and it's hard. But you have to go and be a blessing.

God will use you to rescue somebody but you got to go out. You know, it's another area that people they might find it odd. But I like to stop in a a meeting sometimes because people have overcome alcohol, but they haven't overcome the enemy.

They're suicidal they're depressed and if you can get just go there and say hey, let me can I pray with you afterwards? Let me give you some hope and the reason I go is not only to be a To be a blessing but to receive because I remember I hear stories of where one drink can take me back when you hear the horror stories of What people went through and it works both ways.

I can go and offer hope and then I can remember That I don't want to I can't go back to that lifestyle and those who are addicted, you know, those who are not thank God. Because you get drunk off the first drink.

Those who are dick or the first pill or the first whatever and whatever the addiction is. The first thing is what catches you because it's an open door. You open the door to temptation. So when I go there I can relate to these people say hey, here's how you Get through this let me tell you about the higher power who he really is or you or you they allow you three four minutes you can say.

Listen, all this stuff is biblical. All this stuff is spiritual. The only hope is in full surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ and you can you can go there and be examples of that. But then you also receive by ministering to these people.

So you just being out in the community different. Al-Anon. What about that group that it's for families who? There they don't know what to do with their 22 year old on heroin. And these these people I've talked to parents like that and that they're they're a they're a mess.

They can't get sleep their loop because they know their child is possibly going to die. So who's reaching out to them? Probably the best person to reach out to them is who's had the prodigal son come home.

There folks these people are everywhere. Everywhere if you want to help just email us. I'll point you in ten different directions. We get marriage counseling we get heroin addiction we get alcohol we get drug addiction we got infidelity we get there's every needs are out There but we don't have enough people.