The Procedure

I had just arrived at work as the hospital's lead sonographer and was looking at the patient's schedule for the day when my boss told me to go immediately to the

OR. The surgeon was requesting ultrasound guidance. That was all the information I was given.

I had no idea what I was walking into. I wheeled the ultrasound machine into the

OR. The patient was already sedated on the operating table. Plugging in the machine,

I waited for instructions from the doctor. He barked at me to place the ultrasound probe on the patient's pelvis so he wouldn't perforate her uterus.

Still confused about the procedure, I did as he asked and realized the woman was pregnant. She was in her second trimester, so I easily determined the gender of her baby, a little girl.

Stunned, I watched the doctor thrust a catheter into the amniotic sac. The fetus dodged the catheter and tried to hide in the top of her mother's uterus to get away.

In horror, I watched as he inserted a forceps clamp and grabbed her tiny leg.

She writhed around in pain trying to break free, but there was nowhere for her to go. Then the doctor pulled hard until her leg ripped away from her body.

She recoiled and violently twisted around in pain and curled herself into a tight ball. But it was no use.

The clamp grabbed her arm and she struggled to pull away. Her movements weakened now because she was dying.

He pulled her arm off of her body. My vision blurred.

My eyes filled with tears. The child again curled herself into a tight ball, but again the device grabbed her other leg and it was ripped from her body.

By now her heartbeat had slowed significantly, but she was still alive.

The clamp grabbed her last limb and ripped it off. She wiggled and squirmed around and then her heart finally stopped beating.

I announced that there was no more cardiac activity. The nurse and scrub tech in the room gasped, realizing for the first time that this was happening to a fetus that was still alive.

The remaining body parts, the head and torso, were removed. Placenta was removed and a final look with ultrasound revealed all products of conception were removed.

I was told I could leave the room. Up until that moment I had been frozen. I silently removed the ultrasound machine from the operating room, went directly to the locker room, and threw up.

I quit my job at that hospital shortly after. I told my boss

I would never again participate in that type of procedure. I was having nightmares and could not escape the memory of what

I had witnessed. I would never again assist in the murder of a child.

It was over 20 years ago, but it's just as vivid in my mind today as the day it happened.

The saddest part is that this procedure is still happening today. People have no idea we are murdering babies in this way.

They think it isn't a person, that it's just a mass of tissue. I'm so sorry for what happened to this little girl, for what

I did to her. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry.