Episode 621: TLP 621: Biblical Families, Part 9 | the Consequences of Love

If you say be willing to sacrifice your greatest possession, you should be willing to sacrifice everything else, including your time, money, and comfort.

Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way

Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

God the preeminence in their parenting. Once again, I welcome you to this family devotional series through the book of 1

John. Listen, if you've made it this far, you really have something to celebrate. If the entire series is already complete when you hear this, you may have been listening at a quicker rate, but most of us have been meeting once a week for two months now.

That's fantastic consistency. Of course, if this is your first time with us, please be sure to start at the beginning before continuing.

The series builds on itself as John builds on his first epistle. But if you've made it here, then you already know that there are free notes, a transcript, life work assignments, and related resources linked for you in the description, all designed to help your family become a more biblical family.

Now we have a lot of ground to cover today, so let's get started. I hope you did your life work. I hope you're starting to see the value and necessity of it.

I pray you're experiencing the consequences when you don't do it because you can't be a biblical family and enjoy the benefits of living in the light if you're not doing the basic things

God requires of us. All right, let's read 1 John 3, 11 through 24.

For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. Not as Cain, who was of the evil one, and slew his brother.

For what reason did he slay him? Because his deeds were evil and his brothers were righteous. Do not marvel, brothers, if the world hates you.

We know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brothers. The one who does not love abides in death.

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

By this we have known love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

But whoever has the world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?

Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. And by this we will know that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before him in whatever our heart condemns us.

For God is greater than our heart and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God, and whatever we ask, we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do the things that are pleasing in his sight.

And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he gave a commandment to us.

And the one who keeps his commandment abides in him, and he in him. We know by this that he abides in us, by the

Spirit whom he gave us. As you can tell, there's a lot here to unpack, and I'm excited to get started.

But before we get much further, you may not know that I personally love to travel and speak. I preach in churches and camps,

I teach in classes and workshops, and I lead retreats and conferences. If your church, school, camp, homeschool group, or otherwise any other organization would like to have me keynote or do a breakout session,

I'd be honored to speak with you more about that. You can visit A .M. Brewster, that's A as in Aaron, M as in Michael, Brewster .com

to learn more. Okay, so we have two main points for today, and the first one is, number one, the consequences of family hate.

You know, in order to truly appreciate the consequences of love, we must identify the characteristics and consequences of hate that John lays out for us in this passage.

The Greek word translated hates in this passage refers to strong feelings of aversion.

But it's also important for us to remember what we talked about a few sessions ago. Biblical hatred doesn't always refer to strong feelings alone.

A person can hate another person without actually feeling negative emotions toward them. If love is wanting and working toward God's best interest for someone and hate is doing the opposite of that, then a boyfriend and girlfriend, regardless of what they may feel toward each other in the moment, are actually hating each other if they're encouraging the other one to do things they shouldn't.

A quote -unquote friend who encourages you to gossip or take something that doesn't belong to you or make fun of the new kid or watch something you shouldn't is not a friend.

That person, no matter how they feel about you, is actually acting like an enemy because they're encouraging you to do things the

Bible says are sinful and destructive. And only people who are enemies would ever encourage you to do something that's going to hurt yourself.

Now, if you're realizing that your understanding of emotion isn't lining up with what the

Bible says, I'd encourage you to check out our Doctrine of Emotion material on the Evermind app.

Normally, that material costs $25, but you can access it for free by using the link in the description of today's episode.

For those of you who actually have feelings of animosity or aversion or disgust for your family members, this first point is very important.

But it's also very easy for the rest of us to pretend that just because we like our family members, this point doesn't apply to us.

The truth is that we might be very hateful toward our family members, even when we like them or feel affection for them.

So keep this in mind as we consider the elements of biblical hatred from this passage. Letter A, hate is unrighteous.

Love is from God. Therefore, love must be righteous and holy, just like God is. In fact, we're going to see later in 1

John that God is love. Now, even though I just mentioned this, I do believe

I need to restate that I'm not talking about the loving feelings we normally associate with love.

I'm talking about the biblical love wherein we pursue God's best interest for the one we love.

This is pure and good. Again, if any of this is confusing to you, I hope your family will listen to our

Family Love series, also linked in the description. So if love is righteous and pure, hatred then is the exact opposite.

It is in the dark. It is sinful. Therefore, if you have animosity toward your siblings or spouse or parents, if you can't stand to be around them, if you don't even want to be in this room right now, if you feel hatred toward them in any way, that is wicked.

And it doesn't matter that you hate them because they hate you or you hate them because of something wicked they did to you.

God commands us to love our enemies and be good to those who mistreat us. But it's also very important that we recognize that you might like your sibling a lot.

But when you encourage him or her to do things that are sinful, you're actually hating them.

And that's evil too. This applies equally to the good things we do for the bad reasons.

If I'm worshiping myself with my good deeds, that's unloving on two levels. First of all, I'm not loving

God as I should. But secondly, I'm not loving my neighbor because the illustration of my life is that it's okay to do good things for selfish reasons.

And it's not. But John continues, letter B, hate is murder.

John says that everyone who hates his brother is a murderer. Wow, that's powerful. In Matthew 5, 21 through 22,

Jesus said, You have heard that the ancients were told you shall not murder, and whoever murders shall be guilty before the court.

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court. And whoever says to his brother,

Raha, shall be guilty before the Sanhedrin. And whoever says, You fool, shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.

Jesus himself compares hatred to murder. This of course is where John got the idea. Then in John 8, 44, we're told that Jesus said,

You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him.

Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, and he is a liar and the father of lies.

Satan, as far as we know, didn't murder anyone in the sense that we think about it. I share this because God is trying to teach us that to lie, to hate, these are sins.

To sin against someone is to attack the most important part of them. No one murders someone whom they haven't set themselves against.

Hatred is the root of murder and in God's eyes is therefore just as evil as murder.

In the same way that lust is just as bad as committing adultery because lust is the root of adultery.

Those of you who have people in your life whom you hate, you can't stand them. You may have thought about how nice it would be if they were out of your life.

Lord willing, you've never imagined killing them, but Jesus says that your hatred toward them is just as wicked as murder.

But we must remember, on the other hand, that you might really like your sibling or friend with whom you get into trouble.

You might love hanging out with the people with whom you sneak around, the people with whom you consume wicked entertainment or with whom you gossip or with whom you interact inappropriately.

But Jesus says that's as bad as murdering them because you're slowly killing them spiritually. You're leading them away from life and light into darkness, regardless of how you might feel about them.

And the same is true when I encourage people to do good things, but I encourage them to do those good things for selfish reasons.

That too displeases the Lord. That too is spiritually destructive. That too is unloving.

And I could keep going on and on at this point, but we need to continue. I just want us all to realize that way too often we think to ourselves, oh,

I'm not hating this person, when in actuality, biblically, we really are. Letter C, hate is superficial.

John says that when you see someone in need and you don't help, you're being hateful. Jesus gladly laid down his life for his enemies, but we won't even help somebody we don't like because they dress differently than we do.

In James 2, 15 through 16, we read, if a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, go in peace, be warmed and filled, and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?

When you see someone in need and all you offer them is mouth service and kind words, even though you might be trying to be nice, you're actually being hateful.

It's useless. In fact, it's harmful because you're sinning against them and that's hateful. Letter D, hate is condemning.

Our hatred condemns us because it's the revelation that we are not loving others as God loves us.

It's the proof in the pudding. I can say I love God and I'm living in the light, but my emotional hatred and my spiritual hatred is a testament to the fact that I'm living in the dark.

And finally, letter E, hate is death. The one who does not love abides in death.

If our lives are habitually identified by hatefulness, we are not in the light. We cannot possess the eternal life

Jesus offers us and perpetually live that way. If we constantly encourage others in their sin with no conviction by the

Holy Spirit, we do not have spiritual life. If we're always leading others to do the right things in the right ways, but for the wrong reasons, we abide in death.

In John 13, 35, Jesus proclaimed, By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

And the inverse is true. By this we'll all know that you are not my disciples, if you hate one another.

That's exactly what John is teaching us here. So let's finish our time by focusing on the consequences of love we're to have in our family.

Number two, the consequences of family love. I really wanted to focus on the consequences of love so that we could have an exciting vision of what life could be if our family were a biblical family.

Unfortunately, true biblical love cannot be understood without first realizing what biblical hatred is.

That's why we had to spend so much time talking about it. Again, I've said it before, but I have to repeat myself.

It's far too easy for us to focus on the most positive interactions with our family members and our nice feelings for them and simply conclude that we're loving them the way we should.

But when we look into the mirror of God's word and see the reflection of our own hatred staring back at us, only then can we hope to stop hating and start truly loving people as we should.

So, as we've hopefully started to see areas in our life where we act hatefully, let's learn how we should replace them and experience the amazing glory of what family love should be.

Letter A, love is righteous. Love is holy. It's pure and sinless and beautiful.

Real biblical love is the most pleasant and enjoyable experience a person can have on this earth. If I were to run down through the sanctification lists from the scriptures, each of those words would describe the loving interactions in a biblical family.

Each interaction would be peaceful and kind and gracious and patient and humble and merciful and helpful and faithful, and we can go on and on.

In fact, you might want to take a moment before continuing to read through 1 Corinthians 13 out loud with your family.

As it's read, I encourage all of you to imagine if those descriptors defined how you and your family members interacted with each other.

All of that is righteous love, and love is all that is righteous. Living in the light demands that we be loving.

Any moment of impatience and unkindness and pride and sinful anger is unrighteousness and therefore not in the light of God.

Letter B, love is sacrificial. Love is willing to lay down its life.

This of course is the exact opposite of murder. In John 15, 13, Jesus told his disciples, this is my commandment that you love one another just as I have loved you.

Greater love has no one than this that one laid down his life for his friends. If you look around the room and think that you would never sacrifice your life for any of your family members, then you don't truly love them as God loves you.

If you look around your room and think, I would die to protect any of my family members.

That's really beautiful, and I hope you love them that much. But I still need to follow this up with the next observation.

Letter C, love is deep. True love isn't superficial. It's not just words without actions, and its actions aren't typical and surface level.

Love is willing to spend and be spent. Love is willing to give everything if it will glorify

God. Love is willing to love more, even if you are loved less. This is exactly what

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12, 15, and I will very gladly spend and be spent for you, though the more abundantly

I love, the less I be loved. A lot of men say they would take a bullet for their wives, but they rarely take a dirty diaper or sink of dirty dishes for their wives, at least not without a lot of complaints.

Sometimes they do this because they're upset with their wives for some reason. Sometimes they just love their own comfort more.

But if you say you'd be willing to sacrifice your greatest possession, your life, you should be willing to sacrifice everything else, including your time and money and comfort and inconvenience.

Our biblical families need to love in deed and in truth. Ephesians 4 tells us that we need to speak truth in love.

Our interactions shouldn't only ever be on the level of weather and fun and how was school.

We should also be comfortable talking about the real things that will matter for eternity. Do you talk about your sins?

Do you talk about God? Do you ask the hard questions? Are you comfortable sharing with each other how you're tempted and asking for help?

Do you share your deepest hopes and dreams? You might remember earlier in our sessions, we had some life work that asked you to confess your sins to your family.

I hope you're still doing that, by the way, even if it hasn't been on the life work recently. If that were hard for you, then it likely had to do in part with the fact that you love yourself and your comfort more than you love your family.

But when we have righteous, sacrificial, deep love in our families, we have confidence.

Letter D, love is confident. John wrote, and by this we will know that we are of the truth and we will assure our heart before him in whatever our heart condemns us.

For God is greater than our heart and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God.

And whatever we ask, we receive from him because we keep his commandments and do the things that are pleasing in his sight.

And this is his commandment that we believe in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he gave a commandment to us.

And the one who keeps his commandments abides in him and he in him. We know by this that he abides in us by the spirit whom he gave us.

A lot of really confident words in there. When we're living a life that's pleasing to God, we have confidence in so many areas.

First, we have confidence in God. We believe he's working and is keeping his promises. Even though the situations around us may not be comfortable, we know that God is in control and that he's using these circumstances to make us more like him if we submit to his plan and power.

Second, we have confidence to ask the Lord for the truth and conviction and power and blessing that he promises.

We know that we can't submit to him and his plan in our own strength, so we are confident to ask him for his power.

Third, we have confidence in our loving relationships. We won't doubt each other or fear each other.

Sure, none of us are perfect, but when we're all striving to live in the light and help each other live in the light as well, that creates bonds far beyond anything the world has.

We see our family as allies and friends instead of enemies. There's a lot of angst and anxiety and anger in most families.

Hateful families are filled with insecurities and suspicion, but a consequence of living in a biblically loving family is great confidence.

And finally, letter E, love is life. A consistently hateful life is death.

It's the fruit of a person who doesn't have eternal life in Christ. But true biblical love is the most powerful testament to the fact that a person has been born again.

In verse 14 of our passage, John says, we know that we have passed out of death into life because we consistently love the brothers.

The one who does not love abides in death. Now the trouble is not that we don't want the consequences of love in our families.

The trouble is that we don't want to be loving. We want the consequences, but not the command.

But if we're going to be a truly biblical family, we must be striving to love each other as God loves us for his glory and in his power.

He loved us even though we were unlovable. He loves us even though we don't deserve it.

In fact, we actually deserve separation and death. But he loves us anyway. He pours on us glorious promises.

He shelters us. He's our hope and he equips us to identify our enemy and fight the battle. He's working toward the guaranteed future time when his children will fellowship with him and each other sinlessly for all eternity.

And that's just the tip of the infinite iceberg of God's love for us. So is it really asking so much for us to righteously, sacrificially, deeply, and confidently love our family members?

Yes, we're sinful just like they are. We're imperfect too. We're deserving of negative consequences just like they are, but we can and must love them and they should be loving us back.

So as we finish today, let's reread this passage and grow our passion for having this kind of love in our family and let us learn to hate hatred.

Let's learn to set ourselves against it and let's try to move away from that. First John 3, 11 through 24.

For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, not as Cain, who was of the evil one and slew his brother.

And for what reason did he slay him? Because his deeds were evil and his brothers were righteous. Do not marvel, brothers, if the world hates you.

We know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brothers. The one who does not love abides in death.

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

By this we have known love, that he, referring to God, laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

But whoever has the world's goods and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?

Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. And by this we will know that we are of the truth and will assure our hearts before him in whatever our hearts condemn us.

For God is greater than our heart and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God and whatever we ask, we receive from him because we keep his commandments and do the things that are pleasing in his sight.

And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he gave a commandment to us.

And the one who keeps his commandments abides in him and he in him. We know by this that he abides in us by the spirit whom he gave us.

Wow, what a powerful truth for our families today. Okay, so our life work this week is as follows.

One, read 1 John 4, 1 -6 at least two times, but don't just read it.

Take the time to think about what God wants to teach us and how that truth should change our lives. Number two, identify hateful behavior in your life, confess it, ask for forgiveness, and commit to changing.

Neither you nor I will get through this week without sinning against someone at some point. Let's be honest, you're probably going to do this multiple times a day.

And even though we may hate someone enough to sin against them, there is hope because Jesus is our advocate.

We can be forgiven when we agree with God about our sin, ask for forgiveness from the people against whom we've sinned and from the

Lord, and then commit in his power and for his glory to stop sinning like that so often.

Lord willing, this process will one day help you to completely stop sinning in that particular area.

Sure, you'll sin in many more areas, but God's grace will help you overcome the sin that is so hard for you right here and now.

Of course, if you still don't see your sin as you should, and which of us really do, number three, ask

God to help you see your hatred as he sees it. We all need help with this.

This is why in Psalm 139, 23 -24, David, the man who God said was after his own heart, prayed these words,

Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts, and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.

And number four, assemble with God's people this week. Remember, God didn't create us to do this alone.

We need the help of our biblical family members and we need help from our biblical family of Christ, the church.

So attend your church's services, but don't just attend, be sure to participate. Yes, you need to pay attention to the preaching and apply it to your life, but you also need to take the time to speak truth in love to the people, to the church family in your church.

Encourage them, pray for them, help them, serve them while you're there. I also hope you'll share this devotional with your friends, your extended family, pastors and churches.

Wouldn't it be amazing if all of the families in our lives were growing biblical families? And remember that not only can you email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 if you need specialized biblical counsel, but you can also invite me to speak at your event.

Just visit ambruster .com to learn more. And I look forward to meeting you again next week.

John has an important lesson for us concerning biblical discernment. I'll see you then. Truth.

Love. Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship God through your parenting.

So join us next time as we study God's word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness. And remember that TLP is a listener supported ministry.