Building Your Family — Zac Poonen

The Church Advances Against the Gates of Hell

Jesus said, I will build my church and you know the next words, the gates of hell or the powers of spiritual darkness will not be able to overcome it, will not prevail against it. So if you think of the gates of hell or Hades like a fortress, very often we don't understand what exactly is meant there.

What picture do you get here when it says, the gates of hell, you must read the Bible slowly, will not prevail against the church, Matthew 16, 18. Do you get a picture there of hell attacking the church or the church attacking hell?

The gates of hell, it's a fortress, will not be able to stand against the church. Very often, people have got the picture the other way around. The church is in a fortress and there's a song we sing which I never sing.

Hold the fort for I'm coming says Jesus. We're in a beleaguered fortress of the devil attacking us on all sides. It's not like that. It's the church which is like a triumphant army that goes forth against the forces of darkness in this world.

We must never forget that, that we are on the victory side. The victory has already been won. So in building the church, building the church is like building a three-story building. The most important part of every building is the foundation.

Then the first story, which is our individual life, then the second story is our family life. The third story is the church, the local church. So if you want to build the church, you have to build your family first because that's the second story.

You got to build the second story before you build the third one. The foundation for this is the fact that God loves us as He loved Jesus. That to me is the most wonderful truth I have discovered in the Bible.

God’s Love as the Foundation of Christian Life

John 17, 23. If you don't know it, I never knew it for many, many years. I knew God loved me. John 3, 16 was very well known. God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish.

But I never heard a message that told me the extent to which God loves me. We'd sing songs as children sing, wide, wide as the ocean, high as the heaven above, deep as the deepest seas are my Savior's love.

All that was right, but I couldn't get a picture. Wide, wide as the ocean, what does that mean? High as the heavens above. But when I read John 17, 23, I got a clear outline of my heavenly Father's love.

The main message of the Bible is that God loves us. You must never forget that. Everything else is based on that. If you move out of that foundation, you're on shaky ground. So John 17, 23, God opened my eyes to that, I think about 15, 16 years after I was converted.

I was converted when I was 19 and a half. And I had an experience of the fullness of the Holy Spirit when I was about 23 or so. But then as I left my job, I didn't have a spiritual father to guide me.

I didn't have a mentor. I went into a period of preaching, but backsliding. I was a backslidden preacher. Inwardly, externally, my testimony was very good. But inwardly, my thoughts and my words and all were defeated.

Then God opened my eyes to this wonderful truth. He filled me with the Holy Spirit again. That was a turning point in my life. 1975, and then God showed me this amazing truth in John 17, 23, that God loved me, the Father loved me as much as He loved Jesus.

It's when I got a revelation on that, that I wrote that song which we sang earlier. What He did for Jesus, He will do for you. And as He cared for Jesus, He will care for you. And as Jesus walked in victory, we can also walk in victory.

This amazing truth that Jesus became my elder brother. He's the firstborn among many brethren, Romans 8, 29. And so whatever the Father did for the eldest son, Jesus, He would do for me because there's no partiality with God.

These are amazing truths that changed my life completely. And I said, Father, you know, I learned more and more to call God Father after that, Daddy. In private prayer, very often I call Him Daddy. And I imagine myself like a two-year-old sitting on my Heavenly Father's lap.

I can ask Him for anything. You know how two-year-olds can ask for anything? That's the relationship we must all have with our Heavenly Father, intimate. Some of two-year-olds can ask for stupid things.

And I also ask for things which God may never give me. That's okay. But I feel quite free to ask. My relationship with my Heavenly Dad is so intimate. It must be like that for all of you. That's our inheritance.

Jesus has purchased for us. So that's the foundation. If you don't get this, I emphasize this because if you don't get the foundation right, you're going to have problems in your personal life, family life, building the church.

You cannot. So if you don't have this right, this right, this foundation right, you cannot build your family properly. I'll tell you that. That's why I always emphasize this. And ever since God opened my eyes to see this for the last 40 years, I've preached this everywhere I've gone.

I don't know whether it's preached by many others. God loves you as much as He loved Jesus. And what He did for Jesus, He'll do for you if you fulfill the same conditions. The Bible says in Philippians 2 verse 8 and 9, Jesus humbled himself by becoming obedient to death.

Therefore, therefore, God exalted him to the highest place. Not because he was a son of God, but because he fulfilled the condition of humbling himself. And the law is God. If you humble yourself, God will exalt you.

The more you humble yourself, the more God will exalt you. Jesus humbled himself the most. So he's exalted the highest. So I know who's going to sit at the right hand and left hand of Jesus. James and John wanted to sit there.

And Jesus said, it's not mine to give you. But I know who will sit at the right hand and left hand of Jesus. It'll be the ones who in their earthly life humbled themselves the most. Closest to Jesus. Nobody can reach his level of humility.

But the ones who managed to go down the most in their life. It may not be an apostle. It may be some poor widow somewhere. But whoever it was who humbled themselves the most, God will exalt them. And they will sit at the right hand and left hand of Jesus.

So we all have equal opportunity. Remember, no preacher or apostle or anyone has got an advantage over you in this matter. So once we are established on this, the next thing we need to do is to build our personal walk with God.

Walking in the Light and Receiving Cleansing

If we walk in the light, 1 John 1 7, we have fellowship with God. And the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin. We must live in a continuous experience of cleansing. I'll tell you why. Because there is not a single day that we can live on earth.

Without sinning. Now that sounds a very strange statement from someone like me who's preaching victory over sin all the time. But when we speak about victory over sin, we are speaking about conscious sin.

Victory over sin is like conquering the land of Canaan. But I cannot kill the giants I do not see. Think of the land of Canaan as having 500 giants. I can't kill all of them together. I kill them one by one.

But I can only kill the ones I see. That is conscious sin. But just because I killed a few giants I've seen does not mean I imagine that all the giants are finished. No, there are a whole lot of them I haven't seen yet whose territory I should conquer.

There are areas in my life that I need to conquer and bring back to God. So conscious sin. Every day we sin unconsciously. That's what I mean. We don't have to sin consciously. We can overcome that. But we will in the time when we have overcome all conscious sin, there will still be unconscious sin.

Which means areas of our life where we don't have light. Where we are not behaving like Jesus. We're not talking like Him. We're not behaving like Him. Not areas where we have light. If we have light that is conscious sin, we need to confess it, forsake it.

So we don't have to worry about the unconscious area. The blood of Jesus takes care of that. But the conscious area we have to confess and ask for forgiveness. I'll just show you that because it's very important for our family life.

Turn with me to 1 John chapter 1. In 1 John chapter 1 and verse 9, he speaks of conscious sin. If we confess our sins, you can only confess what you know you have done. Supposing you did something wrong.

You hurt somebody, but you don't even know it. But you're not aware that something you do is sinful, dishonoring to the Lord. You're not guilty. I went to a state in India once where there were some fine believers, but they all used to smoke cigarettes.

All of them. Because the preachers who went there never told them that this is not a good testimony for a Christian to be smoking cigarettes because it destroys the lungs, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

So I wanted to tell them that, but I didn't want to offend them by calling them all sinners. So I said, see, I hear that a number of you smoke cigarettes. I want to tell you the way a Christian should smoke cigarettes.

So I said, see, I've seen many people sometimes when they're smoking cigarettes, they'll always offer me one. It's a habit of most smokers. So I said, if you want Jesus with you all the time, offer him a cigarette when you're smoking one.

And if he says, thank you and takes it, go ahead and smoke. In other words, you must never do anything without Jesus. If you're sitting watching a TV program and if the Lord is sitting there, Lord, we want to watch this program.

And he says, no, I don't want to watch it. He gets up and walks away. You should get up and walk away or change the channel. You must not do anything that you cannot do in fellowship with Jesus. The next day at the meeting, my translator came to me and said, Brother Zach, I've given up smoking.

I said, why? I never told you to give it up. He said, no, I found I couldn't offer Jesus a cigarette. So that was a very, I felt the Lord gave me wisdom how to convey that message to them. And I hope others were blessed by that too.

I don't believe they were consciously sinning all that time. They were unconscious that this is a habit which is dishonoring to the Lord. So like that in our life, there could be things which we are ignorant of, but which is dishonoring to the Lord.

And as we discover them, we confess them and cleanse them. So 1 John 1 .9 speaks about conscious sin. 1 John 1 .8 speaks about unconscious sin. Now, when John says we, he includes himself and he's 95 years old, having walked with God for 65 years, a spiritual man.

If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves. The only person who can say I have no sin is the one who can say, I become like Jesus a hundred percent. Nobody can say that, not even John at the age of 95.

So if we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves. That's what I mean by saying till the end of our life, there will be some sin in us, but we should be discovering it more and more and more, like conquering the land of Canaan more and more and more.

Now, this is different from committing sin, which is mentioned in verse 10. If anybody says I've never sinned, that is conscious sin. He's just deceiving himself. But if we say we have no sin, he's a liar rather.

But if we say we have no sin, we are just fooling ourselves. But then it says here, this unconscious sin is taken care of in verse 7. If we walk in the light, have you read verse 7 properly? Let me explain it to you.

Slowly, if we walk in the light as God is in the light, we have fellowship with God. Now, how can you have fellowship with God if there's sin in your life? But the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin.

Which sin? Not the sin you're consciously committing. If you're consciously committing sin, you don't have fellowship with God. You're not walking in the light. You're walking in darkness. 1 John 1 7 is referring to unconscious sin that is cleansed by the blood of Jesus, so that you can fellowship with God.

So if we walk in the light as God is in the light, it means Lord, I'm not aware of any sin in my life, and I have wonderful fellowship with God. We can live like that every day. But I acknowledge there is still sin in me.

1 John 1 8, unconscious. The blood of Jesus takes care of that, so it doesn't hinder my fellowship with God. That's how we must live. The first story is that always living with a clear conscience. Husband and wife.

Building a Marriage on God’s Presence

Always live with a clear conscience before God, because that is the way to a happy married life. You build your second story on the first story. So don't just attend marriage seminars where they tell you how to relate to each other.

Start with God in the beginning. For example, why did God not make Adam and Eve together? He could have made two lumps of clay, breathed on them, say, here you are, husband and wife. Do you know why? When God made Adam all alone and he opened his eyes, the first person he saw was God, not Eve.

There was no Eve. And it was a message to Adam. Remember, Adam, every day of your life, you must see me first and you must see me always first in your life. And then he puts Adam to sleep, takes a rib out and makes Eve.

And Adam's fast asleep. And when Eve is created and she opens her eyes, who does she see first? Not Adam. She doesn't even know the existence of Adam. God. And God's telling Eve, all your life, if you want a happy married life, see me first.

I must be first in your life. Each of you, husband and wife, must be able to say to me, whom am I in heaven but thee, Lord. And there's nothing and no one I desire on earth beside thee. That, by the way, is Psalm 73 verse 25.

It's a verse that the Lord gave me as soon as I was converted. And when I was 19 and a half, I got my first Bible and I wrote in there, this word the Lord spoke to me in Psalm 73, 25. Whom am I in heaven but thee?

There's no one on earth I desire beside thee. And I've tried to keep that all through these years, 57 years now since I was born again. That I desire no person and no thing, no earthly thing and no person beside the Lord.

Everything else he gives me, wife, children, grandchildren, are a bonus or an extra. I don't have a claim on them. I don't have a demand saying, I got to have a wife. I got to have a child. I've got to have children.

I've got to have grandchildren. No, God, you are enough. In addition, if you give me something more, I'm very thankful. If you have that type of attitude towards your marriage, it'll make a world of difference in your relationship.

God is all that you need. Like someone said, when you have nothing left but God, you'll find that God is enough. It's true. When you have nothing left but God, you'll find that God is more than enough.

So when we get into that type of relationship, that's the first story. Then we can come to the second story of building a relationship. So ideally, if a husband and wife both have this attitude that I'm satisfied with the Lord, then they'll have a wonderful relationship with each other because in between them is God.

Between them is Jesus. That verse where two or three, forget the three now, where two are gathered together in my name, apply it to marriage, Matthew 18, 20. There I am in the midst. Think of that verse as a marriage verse where two are gathered together.

That means the Holy Spirit brought you together as husband and wife. Jesus says, I am in your midst. Now imagine you and your wife or you and your husband and Jesus is in the midst. Imagine that physically.

Supposing Jesus were physically there in your home between you. How would you talk to each other? How would you talk to each other when you're upset? We are. Sometimes things happen that upset us. How would you talk if Jesus were right there?

Or when you're irritated or something goes wrong and things will always go wrong in everybody's house. In this world, nothing is perfect. Things can go wrong in our work. Things can go wrong at home. You can misunderstand each other as husband and wife.

You can fail each other. There is no perfect husband or wife on this earth. Your husband has got lots of giants not yet killed. Your wife has got a lot of giant, cannonite giants not yet killed. She hasn't got light on it.

Don't demand that she kill giants she has not yet seen. Even Almighty God doesn't demand that. It's like a child in 10th grade. Think of it as a husband or wife. One is in the 10th grade and the other is in the 3rd grade spiritually.

Think of a school where a child is in 10th grade and another one is in 3rd grade. Does the 10th grade student look at his younger brother in the 3rd grade and say, oh you stupid fellow, you don't know calculus and and different things in science and physics and chemistry.

If he talks like that to the 3rd grade, he is the fool. Not the 3rd grade one. No 10th grade student looks down on a 3rd grade student. He says, once I was in 3rd grade myself. I gradually grew up over 7 years to come to 10th grade.

I didn't get there overnight. All of us are like that. You don't despise someone who is less educated than you. I hope not. You don't despise someone whose education or extent of his study is much less than yours.

In the same way, spiritually, we have to always recognize that all of us are not got the same light on Christ-likeness. Some people may think that certain types of what they call white lies are permissible.

And they don't think there's anything wrong in that. I won't judge them. Maybe they're in the 1st grade. God's maybe given me light on that. And I've gone on to 5th or 6th grade. I know more. But I don't glory in that.

Now, if husband and wife can look at each other like that. Hey, not looking down on the other person. But maybe this is an area where he has not got light. Or she's not got light. God has happened to give me light.

But maybe there's another area where she's got more light than you. You know, like different subjects. One may have more light on one and another have more light on the other. If we allow for that, it's much easier to be merciful.

Very often, your lack of mercy towards one another is because we think, if I know that's wrong, she should know it's wrong too. Not necessarily. If I know this is right, he should know it too. Not necessarily.

He may not know it. I mean, some of you may have studied one subject. Imagine if a husband has studied in one subject and a wife has studied in another subject in college or university. They will each know something in their field of specialty which the other will not know.

What's wrong in that? You don't despise the other person because they don't know what you know. If only we'd recognize that in marriage too, that it's like that. There are areas, not academically, but spiritually.

Here is an area where my wife or my husband doesn't have light. Instead of thinking, of course, they must know it's wrong because I know it's wrong. This can help you tremendously if you recognize this not as a technique, but as something which is absolutely true.

Because the Bible speaks about walking in the light and light is increasing. Let me show you a verse in Proverbs and chapter 4. Proverbs chapter 4, it says in verse 18, the path of the righteous. This is the path of anyone who is born again.

The darkness passes away when we are born again. That's like the sun rising. So the picture here is of a born-again Christian is like sunrise. The darkness is over. And so from that point onwards, our goal is when Christ comes again, we'll be like him.

That's called the noonday position of the sun right over our heads. But from sunrise to that midday position, the sun is gradually climbing in the sky. And the light is getting brighter, brighter, brighter, brighter, brighter, brighter, till noonday position when we become like Jesus completely.

None of us have reached that noonday position. We should not remain at sunrise position. That means we shouldn't be today in the same spiritual level we were when we were born again. It should become brighter, brighter, brighter, brighter, brighter.

That means more and more like Jesus and more and more victory over conscious sin. But the sun may be at different positions in the life of a husband and wife. So different degrees of light. That's why we need to bear with one another and forgive one another.

It's not a very great thing that you're doing when you forgive your partner. Because he or she may have to forgive you in areas where you don't have light. I remember when I was in the early days when we were building the church.

Building the church means not the physical building. Building the body of Christ in fellowship with one another. I was disturbed very often with a brother who was always not punctual for meetings. Whenever we arranged to meet somewhere, it'd always be late.

And of course, it bothered me because I was 11 years in the military and you learn to be on time when you're in the military. And they teach you that pretty strongly. And so because of that training in mind, it disturbed me whenever anyone was not punctual for a meeting or for a service.

So this disturbed me. And then I said, okay, I'm a Christian, I have to bear with that. And I thought I was very spiritual because I was bearing with this weak brother who had a weakness of not being punctual.

But as I thought like that, the Lord said to me, do you know it's not likely that he has any light on the fact that not being punctual is not a good Christ-like habit. So if he doesn't have light, then he's just got to be merciful.

And the Lord said, do you know that there are areas in your life where you don't have light, where he has got to bear with you? That is quite a revelation to me. He's got to bear with me. Oh, really? Well, then I'm not doing a great thing by bearing with him.

It's mutual. So whenever you think, I mean, I share that with you married people. Whenever you think, oh, I've got to bear with my wife. I'm a spiritual person. She's bearing with my wife. Remember, she's bearing with you too.

And she's probably not telling you that up. I mean, so if you recognize that, that we are here to build one another up in the church. That's one of the things the Lord taught us in those early days, that we are all imperfect people trying.

God is trying to put us together to bear with one another. In the process, we become more spiritual. So walking in the light is, as the light increases, each of us has got different degrees of light. And you only got to walk in the light you have.

You cannot walk in the light of somebody else. You cannot walk in the light your husband has or your wife has. And you cannot demand that your partner should walk in the light you have. Even Almighty God doesn't do that.

Almighty God does not hold you responsible for unconscious sin. But this is the evil of our Adamic nature. That we hold our partner responsible for what is unconscious sin on that person's part. And think of the years in which you've done that.

Don't you think you should repent tremendously before God? Really, you need to have some weeping tonight on your pillow. For all the years in which you, you know, judged your partner for things which Almighty God did not judge your partner for.

Almighty God said, that's unconscious. The blood of Jesus just takes care of it. But you did not bear with your partner like Almighty God did. You took a higher position. And that's what's caused the problem.

You always thought the problem was with your partner. I hope you realize now it was with you. That'd be a great day when you get that revelation. You know, like they sing in that spiritual, it's not my brother, it's not my sister.

It's me, Lord, standing in the need of prayer. It's me standing in the need of prayer. It's me who's the one who is in need here. So that relationship, the most wonderful thing you can, you know, the best thing that you can do for your children is to love your partner.

That's the greatest thing you can do for your children. To love your husband, to love your wife. Because that creates an atmosphere in a home where you bear with one another. And both of you recognize you're not perfect.

And you're guarded in your words because Jesus is there in the middle. After some time, it'll become your nature. In the beginning, we control our, you know, the words come up and we stop it before it comes out of our tongue because Jesus is there.

But you keep doing that. And I want to tell you the good news. One day it'll become your nature. You will not even think of speaking like that. You won't have to hold it back. It won't even come up. Think of that.

What a wonderful day that will be when that which you had to restrain and restrain and restrain those angry words that you had to keep a control off from coming out of your mouth. Now they don't even come up in your heart because you've been faithful before the Lord.

You've been merciful to others. You know, the Bible says in James chapter 2 that God shows tremendous mercy to those who are merciful to others. I believe that's one of the most important things that husbands and wives need to recognize.

James chapter 2 verse 13. My dear brothers and sisters, if you have been merciless in the way you have judged your partner or spoken to your partner, I want to tell you the bad news. Judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy.

It's a scary verse. The scary verses are not all in the Old Testament, by the way. There are scary verses in the New Testament too. It says it's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

You know where that is? Hebrews chapter 12. It's not in the Old Testament. It's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. And here's another one. Judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy.

Mercy in the Christian Home

You know, when we started building our first meeting hall in 1981 in Bangalore, we used to meet in my house for six years. And then we started meeting and we got a hall. And we were thinking, what is the verse that we should put behind the pulpit for everyone to read?

We thought of one verse. There are many verses we could think of. We put a number of ones later. The first one we put off was, I thought of it and I said, what is the greatest danger that people pursuing holiness face?

We were pursuing holiness for six years. We were talking about victory over sin, the new covenant, pursuing holiness. And I was thinking, I mean, judging myself, I said, what is the greatest thing I found I had to battle in my life when pursuing holiness?

It was an unmerciful attitude towards other people. Towards other churches who didn't have the light we have, or other people who were not serious about victory over sin. An unmerciful attitude. Just like the Pharisee and the publican, Lord, I thank you that I'm not like these other denominational churches that don't preach victory.

I thank you that in our church we preach victory. I thank you that I've got light and sin shall not have dominion over me, unlike all these other born-again Christians. I saw that attitude in my heart and I had to judge myself severely and cleanse myself from that attitude in the early years.

And I saw from my own life, an unmerciful attitude towards others is one of the biggest problems of churches and individuals preaching holiness. Churches that are worldly have no problem being merciful to others because they do a whole lot of rotten things themselves.

It doesn't matter if other people do rotten things as well. So we decided, we put this verse there, be merciful to others as God has been merciful to you. And that's the verse we've had and we still have in our church.

We made it out on a big plaque for everyone to see. Be merciful to others as God has been merciful to you. And I wish I could have that verse in every home. Be merciful to each other as God has been merciful to you.

Think of the areas of our life where we had no light and the stupid things we have done and how God has been so immensely merciful to us. Remember that every time you think of being hard on your partner.

I'm not teaching psychology. I'm teaching scripture. Forgive one another as God has forgiven you. I remember a young couple whom I didn't even know. They just knew my name and knew me by having heard me or read my book or something.

Just got married and came to my house one day. I'd never met them before. They knocked at the door and said, Brother Zach, we just got married yesterday or something and we are rushing to catch a train.

So we don't have time to stop. But they were at the door. They didn't even come in. Can you give us a quick word of exhortation for a newly married couple? And we got only two minutes. I said, okay. I said, sure, two minutes more than enough.

Listen carefully. Be quick to ask forgiveness from each other and be quick to forgive. Okay, go catch your train now. You'll be all right for the rest of your life. You'll be okay. Be quick to ask forgiveness from each other.

Don't think that's easy. It's not easy. All of you know that. You look so holy here, but you know how difficult it has been for you to go and ask forgiveness when you have spoken a wrong word or done something which you know was wrong.

Particularly when you have hurt your partner with an angry word, sometimes unconsciously. You know, you come back home from the pressure of work and your boss has been yelling at you the whole day and you're pretty exhausted and you come home and some small thing which wouldn't disturb you in normal circumstances and you erupt.

Okay, you didn't come home planning, I'm going to get angry with my wife today when I get home. No, no, no. It just happened. It was inadvertent as they say, not unconscious, but inadvertent. You didn't really want to do it and you feel bad immediately because you're a believer.

You feel bad immediately. You know, people have asked me, what's the difference between a believer falling into sin and an unbeliever falling into sin? I'd say that depends. What's your reaction after you fall into sin?

Then I'll tell you whether you're a believer or unbeliever. If you're a believer, you'll feel bad. Now, what should you be doing immediately? Ask forgiveness from God and from your wife. It's easy to ask forgiveness from God, right?

But to ask your wife. Now, strictly speaking, you should be more scared to go to a holy God than to an unholy wife to ask forgiveness. I mean, humanly speaking, that's more logical. But to go to God and ask forgiveness is so easy.

And I wonder whether we are really sorry when we go to God and ask forgiveness. The proof of it will be if you can go to your wife and say, darling, I'm sorry. I don't want to blame my boss for yelling at me on the pressure work.

It's my rotten old flesh. And I didn't get grace at this moment from God. I want to humble myself. I want to tell you this. Some of you who are struggling with anger, please follow this prescription. And tell me if you have not overcome it completely by next year's conference.

Okay, the prescription is this. As soon as you're aware that you lost your temper with your wife or husband, ask God for forgiveness immediately and go immediately and ask forgiveness from your partner.

I tell you, your life will be completely different in your home in a few months. We're supposed to do that. Jesus said, if you hurt somebody, there are many ways in which we can hurt people. But the context in which Jesus said, whenever you read scripture, read it in its context.

And I think this particularly refers to husband and wife. Matthew chapter 5, if you don't know the passage, please look at it. Matthew chapter 5, verse 22 to 24. I say to you, everyone who's angry with, instead of brother, say wife, husband.