Building the Home and the Church — Zac Poonen

Building the Home and the Church

Myself and my family and the Church, we have so many visitors in India coming from Western countries, preachers who conduct crusades, and I always tell people in our Church, we don't know anything about his private life, we don't know anything about his family, we don't know anything about the local church he's in.

And that's what I'd like to know more about before we hear what he has to say, because if the Gospel doesn't work in our home, it's no use exporting it outside. If it hasn't produced a brotherhood in our local church, then it's no use going and telling other people about it.

I was born again when I was 19, about 41 years ago, when I was in the military, in the Indian Navy, and from there the Lord called me out when I was 24 years, with a very clear call to quit my job and serve Him.

It took two years before the Navy released me, and for the first nine years I travelled all over the country preaching, God gave me the gift of preaching when I was about 23. I've been preaching ever since, and I travelled all over, and I saw that though the population, the Christian population of India is only about 1 of its total population.

The problem is not that we were 1%, but that that 1 was so pathetically unchristian in the way it was living. And I realized that the great need was to make disciples, and I realized that this is where Christianity had failed.

Not only in my country, in many parts of the world they were interested in statistics, increasing numbers, and wanted to bring people to conversion, but not make them disciples. So I decided to quit all my travelling, preaching ministry, and we started with about three or four families 25 years ago in our home, and from there in the last 25 years, the first six or seven years we never did anything but stay there in our own hometown and work and build a brotherhood, and then it grew.

We're now about 250 or so in our local church, and from there it's gone out to many other parts of South India, and about 35 churches that have come up over these years. That's not a large number, but we've concentrated on making disciples.

We believe that we don't have to go looking for people as much as being a strong witness. I feel that India is like a large haystack which has got a few needles here and there. Those who are longing for a godly life, those who are needing Christ, we're looking for them primarily.

And there are two ways in which we can find needles in haystacks. One is by plunging into the haystack and searching, searching, searching, searching, and in a country of a thousand million people as we are, that can take thousands of years.

The other method would be to have a very powerful magnet outside the haystack and pull out these needles one by one. So, that's what the church is meant to be, a very powerful magnet that draws those who have a ear to hear.

So that's what we've sought to do, and we've been greatly encouraged by large numbers of young people who are eager to follow Jesus. Things are changing in our country. There's strong religious fundamentalism that has come up over the last couple of years, and already there's a lot of persecution in some parts of the country that could spread to the whole country.

A Gospel That Works in the Home

That's about our church. I'm married. My wife is a medical doctor, but she's never worked for money. She spent 30 years helping the poor people with their medical needs in different churches, and I have four sons who are all born again, grown up and left home, and are following the Lord.

And I'm very thankful that the things that we have taught in 25 years have worked in my life, in our family life, and in our home, and in our local church. And therefore I can say like the Apostle Paul, I'm not ashamed of this gospel, this gospel of Christ, because it is the power of God unto salvation.

It works in one's life, it works in one's home, it works in a local church. I work with other elders in our local church, and I can say that this brother with whom we started the fellowship, we've worked together for 25 years, and we've never had contention between us even once in all these years.

And that's the basis on which we have sought to build. So I want to share a little bit today about building the home and building the church, because I believe this is the culmination of the gospel message.

All that we've heard so far is more individual Christianity, what we need to do ourselves. But the test of whether God has done a work in us is when I have to live with another person and fellowship with another person.

If I don't, if I leave that out, I can live in a world of self-deception that I'm becoming increasingly holy and increasingly spiritual. I thought I was a very unselfish person until I got married, and I discovered what a terribly selfish person I was.

It's in the home, in marriage relationships, that we discover whether the gospel really works or not, in church relationships. And I thank God for those relationships, because it protects us from deceiving ourselves.

The Mystery of Jews and Gentiles Becoming One Body

In Ephesians, in chapter 3, Paul says, this is a very important passage, Ephesians 3, he says, by revelation there was a mystery made known to me, Ephesians 3 .3, and he speaks about this mystery of Christ in verse 4, which was not made known to the sons of men in other generations, but is now revealed to his holy apostles and prophets.

And what is this mystery, which was not revealed in the old covenant, which was not known in those days, but is now revealed? A mystery means a secret that can be understood only by divine revelation.

We can't understand it by study, it's a mystery, it's as God revealed it to Paul. And then when he tells us what this mystery is, he says in verse 6, to be specific, this mystery is that the Gentiles, that is the non-Jews, are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.

And when we read that and say, hey, that doesn't sound to be so great a mystery, what's so great about that? But let me explain what it means. In our country, in Hinduism, there is a cost system. There is the upper cost, who are the Brahmins, and then there are the lower cost, they are called the untouchables.

And a Brahmin will never drink from a glass which is used by that person, ever, in his whole life. And they will not sit at the same table, and they would avoid them, particularly in the villages, it's been like that, they wouldn't even let that person's shadow come near you, they would not allow the person to draw water from the same well, there was absolutely no possibility of contact, these were almost like living on two different planets.

And it's like that even today in the villages. But the attitude of the Jew to the Gentile was much worse than that. They would have, they looked down on them, and you know how difficult even Peter, after the day of Pentecost, found it to even visit Cornelius' house, and what a lot of explanations he had to give to those Jews who had become believers.

The prejudice was so strong. These were the two greatest opposites in the whole world, and the mystery is that the greatest opposites can become one, one body in Christ. Now, some of you may think a brother is very difficult in the church, not as far apart from you as Jew and Gentile.

Some of you may think your wife or your husband is difficult, not as far apart as Jew and Gentile. That's why I mention Gentiles here, that's the mystery, that the two greatest opposites in the world can become one in Christ.

And that was the result of the cross. It says in the previous chapter, verse 16 of chapter 2, he reconciled them both in one body to God through the cross by having to put to death the enmity. He's made one new man out of, he's made both into one, it says in verse 14.

This is the culmination of the gospel. The culmination of the gospel is not that I live a victorious Christian life, that's part of the way. Ultimately, God wants to make these victorious brothers and sisters one body.

And if they don't become one body, their victory is a hollow victory. It's a deception to think that we've got holiness. Sanctification without fellowship is a deception. And that mystery, how God can make two people into one, reconciled them both in one body, having put to death through the cross the enmity.

There is an enmity in our flesh which prevents us from being one. And that's why there's tension between husband and wife, that's why there's tension between brothers, that's why it's difficult for people to become one body.

What the Lord wants to, it says here further down in Ephesians chapter 3, that he wants to make this wisdom, verse 10, known through the church to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. That means the Lord wants to show Satan and all those satanic forces, see what I can do with these people.

You know, like in the time of Job, all that God could point out to Satan was, have you seen that one man, Job? He was an upright man, but he had no fellowship with his wife, he had no fellowship with the other preachers who visited him.

He was a lonely man. That was all that was possible under the old covenant. But now, it says, what the Lord wants to point out to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places is this tremendous mystery, which was never possible from the time of Adam till the day of Pentecost, that two totally dissimilar people can become one.

And that is what the Lord is trying, seeks to point out to Satan in the heavenly places in different homes, in different churches. And when God doesn't find that, Satan says to God, see I told you, it doesn't work.

And God is disappointed. Now, if your wife is an unbeliever, not born again, or husband's not born again, we can understand it. But what when the husband and wife claim to be believers? And the devil says to God, that's not a believer and unbeliever, those are two believers, they even go to the same church.

They're not one. They're always having tensions and quarrels and fights with each other, suspicions. It's a tragedy. And we need to recognize that. You may think it's just a little dispute in your home, but there's something going on in the heavenlies.

You got to recognize that what's going on down there is a disappointment to God when He's trying to point you out to Satan. And when we see from that perspective, we see the name of God is being dishonored.

Christ First in Marriage and Family

When God, and what is the reason for this? The first condition of discipleship, as we just heard, is, Luke 14, 26, if any man come to me and does not hate his father, mother, brother, wife, children, brother, sister, he cannot be my disciple.

The Lord requires that we put him in the first place, in the place of supreme, in the supreme place in our home, if this mystery is to be fulfilled, if this unity is to take place. That's why when God made Adam, you know, God could have taken two lumps of clay and dust and simultaneously made a man and a woman.

I mean, that may have, we may, we may think that would have been a better way, make them simultaneously and breathe into them, and there they are, husband and wife. But He didn't do it that way. He made Adam alone, and there was a reason for that.

He made this man out of dust, and then he breathed into him, and as soon as Adam opened his eyes, the first person he saw was God. There was no wife, there was no Eve, there was no one but God. And it was later in the day that he got his wife.

And what the Lord was trying to tell Adam thereby was, I must be first in your life. When you open your eyes, you must see me first, not your wife, me. And that's why when God wanted to make Eve, He put Adam to sleep, took her rib out and went somewhere else and made a woman, and when her eyes were opened, she saw God.

He didn't even know there was an Adam. And then, that was the same lesson to Eve. I must be first in your life. When you open your eyes, you must see me. And then He brought them together, and as if God was in the middle, they would have been one.

The Fall, Headship, and Submission in Marriage

What we read in Genesis chapter 3, I've often thought that if Genesis chapter 3 began with Adam pointing his finger at his wife and saying, she is the cause, and if the first 11 verses of Genesis were not there, I would know immediately the devils come between them.

Because that's what happens. When the devil comes in between, fellowship is broken, and you find the pointing of the finger, accusing, it's the spirit of the accuser. God was no longer between them, the devil had come between.

Jesus came to save us from that. And what was the reason? And there are important principles here which I believe we need to know if we want to restore what was lost in Eden. If we understand why did they get thrown out of Eden?

Why did their relationship break up that as soon as the devil came, here they were accusing one another. When the devil came to Eve, let's look at that first. And told her, Eve of this tree, what she should have said was, well, sounds like a good idea, but God's given me a head.

Let me just consult him, before I take this decision. The story might have been so different. And the story in many homes would have been so different. If the wife had taken that attitude, when she got some bright ideas, God's given me a head.

So I want to say to all of you sisters, remember that the most important and the most significant decision ever taken by a human being on the face of this earth was here. Which brought chaos and confusion to the whole earth, just because a woman took an independent decision without bothering to consult her head.

She thought, I don't need to consult him, I know enough. And if we want to get man back into paradise, if we want our home to be like paradise again, we've got to change that. Now let's go to Adam. I ask people, what was Adam's first sin?

Everybody thinks it's that he ate of the tree. No, I say that was the second. You know what the first one was? Let's turn to what God himself told Adam in Genesis 3 .17. God said to Adam in Genesis 3 .17, first of all, you listen to the voice of your wife.

And secondly, you ate from the tree. That's what God said. I appointed you as the head of your home and you let your wife run your home. That's your number one sin. Remember brothers, married brothers, that's the first sin man ever committed.

He let his wife run his home and he meekly followed. And do you know the number of homes where that's happening today? That's exactly what the devil wants to do. It's what he did there. It's written there plainly in the first pages of scripture.

And there are Christian homes today where they are following the devil, as we read in Genesis chapter 3. And I'm not surprised that there's chaos and confusion. It will be there till we come back to God's order, where a man decides to take his wife and make his God-appointed place as the head of the home.

And where a woman recognizes that she'll only bring chaos and confusion into that home if she begins to run that home, when she learns to submit to the authority of her husband. That is what God is looking for.

That is the divine order. You see it very clearly in Genesis chapter 3. That was how sin came. It wasn't just a simple question of eating a fruit from a tree. There were far more serious issues underneath that, that would never have happened if Adam had taken his place and Eve had taken her place.

So it's not always sure that all married people understand that. But that is God's way. And I see that in Ephesians chapter 5, when it speaks about the husband-wife relationship, it says the relationship of the husband and the wife is speaking the same thing.

You see, if there is to be this unity that God desires to manifest in a home, it can only be according to God's order. It says here in verse 28 of Ephesians 5 that a husband ought to love his wife as his own body.

It says here in verse 23, the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. The relationship of the husband and wife, if you want your home to be patterned according to God's order and if you want God's blessing, full blessing upon your home, it has to be patterned according to God's order where the husband is the head and the wife is like the body.

And when it says head, it means the brain. And you know how, you know how your body is. You know, a lot of women are afraid of the word submission. Okay, let me describe submission to you. Every part of this body obeys my brain.

And when it obeys, there is such beauty and perfection. Have you seen a person playing a piano or an organ? Ten fingers, eyes, ears, feet pressing the pedals, such perfect harmony, such beauty. Because every one of those members in the body is 100 submissive to the brain.

That's the glory of submission. Now think of a body where there is no submission. Think of a man with a paralyzed hand. The brain says, come on, lift it, lift yourself up. It doesn't lift itself up. Or a paralyzed leg.

Is there any beauty there? There are people who got Parkinson's disease. The brain can't stop the shaking in their hands. There's no beauty there. There's a total lack of submission. Just like a lot of wives.

That's not God's way. There's something ugly about it. Do you want to be like that? Are you afraid of the word submission? Look at the planets. For thousands of years, they've obeyed God with split-second timing.

There's beauty in the universe because of submission. The devil has made submission an ugly word. God has placed women in the church to show the beauty of submission. And if you're a submissive wife, you don't realize what tremendous honor you bring to God and how much God can point you out to Satan in the heavenly places.

The beauty of a home comes through the submission of the wife. Through the body submitting to the head. It's ugly. There are some people who got some disease where the hands are always flailing around like this.

They don't listen to the brain. Is there any beauty there? Think of a body which is totally under the control of the brain. You can sit quietly, stand up, play an instrument, do anything. Every part under control.

That is why God says to the wife, Submit to your husbands as the church is to Christ. But that's not only what it says here. The husband is to be the head. And what does the brain do? The brain, boy, what a tremendous care that brain has for every part of this body constantly.

If there's a little injury here, the brain immediately is concerned and gets the other hand to come and get some water and wash off that injury, put some medicine perhaps if there's a broken bone. Immediately the brain gets active and a little infection here, the brain sends signals to the blood cells in the body to go and fight that infection.

It's a tremendous care the brain has for a little headache, a little stomach ache, and the brain gets active. Boy, think if husbands were like that. Caring for, not to hurt the feelings of their wives.

Sensitive. This is the relationship, brothers and sisters, that God wants to demonstrate in a Christian home. We have fallen far short. And we need to repent. We need to fall on our faces before God and say, Lord, we have gloried in the fact that our homes are a little better than those heathen homes around us.

And we have lost the vision of your standard. Forgive us. God never designed, the Bible says, a woman to be exactly like the man. The Bible says that God said, I will make a helper suitable for Adam. And when young couples who are getting married, planning to get married, come to me, I draw a little diagram for them.

I draw a whole eggshell. You see that? Now, if I crack it, I draw these two halves of the eggshell, with a lot of pokey, sticking out parts all around, every side, all around. And on the other half, also equally, pokey, sharp, sticking out parts.

It's dangerous, looks dangerous. But when you put them together, what a perfect fit. I said, that's how it's going to be. You're a husband, you're a wife. You've got strong points. But where you have a strong point, she'll have a weak point.

Where there's a projection in the top half, there's a depression in the lower half. Now, where she has a strong point, you've got a weak point. Do you believe your wife could have a strong point too, where you have a weak point?

God gives you someone suitable for you. Someone who is an exact opposite. You both love the Lord. But in so many other ways, an opposite. Because you can fit together. And that helps in bringing up your children.

There are two different viewpoints put together. It's like, if I were to take a picture of a building from the northern side, and my wife takes a picture of the same building from the southern side, and we put it together, we get a three-dimensional picture of that building.

But, if as a stupid husband, I force my wife to have my view, and get her down to my side, I just get another picture just like mine. Who's the loser? Or, if it's a strong wife, who forces her husband down to her viewpoint, the home is the loser.

And so I say to you, brothers and sisters, don't try to change your wife. Don't try to change your husband. God has made him different from you. Look at things from a different perspective. I think of the many times in our bringing up children at home, our four boys, that we had to talk together, my wife and I.

Can we permit our children to do this? This is going on in the school. Can we permit our children to participate in that? Various things. Can we permit them to read this or do that? And it's so good to have two different viewpoints, so that there's a balance.

The Bible says that the glory of God was seen in Jesus Christ, full of grace and truth. There's a balance. It wasn't all grace. It wasn't all truth. It's a balance. And that's what comes when a husband and wife value one another, value each other's opinions.

The Bible says in Romans chapter 11, Behold the kindness and the severity of God. There's a balance in God. And we are to represent God to our children. What must they see? Kindness and severity. And we all tend to be imbalanced.

I may be very severe. Well, thank God if I have a wife who's kind. There's a balance. We're not in competition. It's kindness and severity. I don't think any of us have got it in perfect balance. We need another to balance us out.

There's beauty when there's grace and truth. I look at it like this. Truth is like the bones in my body. But if I only had bones, I'd be ugly. If you're walking down a dark street and a skeleton came up walking up to you, you don't exactly feel attracted.

And if all that your children see in you is severity, severity, don't blame them if they don't feel attracted to you or to your God. But God has made the body such that those bones are covered over with flesh.

There's grace. And that's what makes a human being attractive. Now, the opposite is also true. If I were only flesh and no bones, I wouldn't be attractive again. Like we heard the other day, we'd be just a glob or a blob or whatever.

Well, it's, you know, in the church too, it's got to be like that. Grace and truth. Both are necessary. And that's why God gives husband and wife so that we can balance one another. Maybe a decision that you're planning to take in your home may be very severe.

Maybe the punishment you're planning to meet out to your son or daughter for some mistake they made is severe, but you discuss it with your wife and you're able to manifest God a little better there. Kindness and severity.

Or maybe you are just a wishy-washy type of person who just let everything go and thank God one of the two in the home is a little strict. There's a balance. And that's why the most important thing to bring up children is for husband and wife to have fellowship with each other.

If that is there, then the children will grow up right. If that isn't there, we're going to lose our children. This is important. This is why Jesus died. That he might make two into one. Whatever holiness you may preach, brother, sister, if it's not making you one with your wife, one with your husband, gracious and compassionate, forgiving, it's not holiness.

Restoring Marriage Through Repentance and Reconciliation

You know, husbands and wives can sometimes have tension. We all know that. And wherever I've gone in our churches, I've asked people this question. When a husband and wife have a conflict, who should take the first step to restore the relationship?

I say, I'll give you the answer from scripture. When God and man had a strain in their relationship, who took the first step? God. Why? Because he was more spiritual. So when husband and wife have a conflict, who should take the first step to restore that relationship?

The one who is more spiritual. And since both of you think you're spiritual, you should be just running into each other's arms. What are you waiting for? Don't you think you're spiritual? Don't you think the problem is with your husband?

Or with your wife? Well, then you should be the one to take the first step. It's what God did. While we were enemies, God sent his son to reconcile us to himself. The devil's got us all upside down in our thinking.

We need to humble ourselves. We need to be quick to go and restore that relationship. Something is going to be lost. It's like getting a hole in the vessel. If you've got water in that vessel, you're going to keep losing until you fix that hole.

The sooner you fix it, the better. God designed that a husband and wife should be one, so that Satan can be kept out of their home. There's a promise in Matthew chapter 18, which reads like this. Many people are familiar with this verse.

Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst. Let's apply this to a husband and wife. Where two. Two is enough. Where two are gathered in my name, the Lord says, there am I in the midst.

But, this verse begins with the word, for. Or because. So then you've got to go back to the previous verse, to understand this verse. And lots of Christians know this verse, but they don't know the previous verse.

And that's why this verse is never fulfilled in their life. What does the previous verse say? Because where two are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst, is dependent on the previous verse. And the previous verse says, if two of you are agreed.

And the Greek word for agree there is, symphonio. From which we get the English word, symphony. If two of you are like a symphony. It's a musical word. Where, instruments are all playing together. Where two instruments are playing together.

Same scale. And, at the same pace. The same melody. It sounds beautiful. And he says, if two of you are like that, you can ask for anything. It will be done by my father in heaven. And he is speaking, about binding satanic powers in verse 18.

Because even, verse 19 begins with, again I say to you, he is referring back to verse 18. The ultimate purpose, if you want to understand verse 20 and verse 19, you got to go back to verse 18. He is talking about binding satanic powers, that seek to disturb your home.

It's speaking about losing, your children, from the bondage of satan. Speaking about binding and losing. And he says, the way to do it is, two people must be in symphony. Two people must be agreed, in spirit.

Now, even if you don't know that verse, the devil knows it. And he knows that all he's got to do, to enter your home is get, you as husband and wife, to get a little tension between you. And once he's got you, having a little tension between you, he comes right through, to attack your home and your children.

Remember that. I want to ask you sisters, when your children are rebellious, where did they get that infection from? Where did they learn to speak, in that rebellious way to you? Rebellion is like chicken pox, it starts with somebody in the home and then, goes to the others.

Did they perhaps, learn it from the way you speak to your husband? I heard a brother once say in a meeting, somebody asked him, he said, brother, are, how are your children? Are they sort of, submissive to you now?

And she said, well, when I'm submissive to my husband, my children are usually submissive to me. There is a verse that says, Proverbs in chapter 14, verse 1. The wise woman, builds her house, the foolish tears it down with their own hands.

Remember, it's the woman, who builds the house. Why doesn't it say the wise man? The wise woman. That is, it's the woman who brings the spirit of submission, which is the spirit of Christ. Jesus lived in submission, all these 33 years on earth, to the father.

It's the woman who brings that spirit into a home. What is the opposite of submission? Rebellion. How did sin originate in the universe? Through the rebellion of Lucifer. How did salvation come from sin?

Through the submission of Jesus Christ. Who is going to bring that spirit into a home? First, long before the children come. It's not the man. It's the woman. And if she brings that spirit into a home, and children are born into such a home, she builds her house.

But a foolish woman, she just tears it down with her own hands. I just want to say a word about those who have difficult wives, like Job. He had a difficult wife. I often think when God said to Job, God said to Satan, everything he has is in your hands, you can destroy everything.

Satan destroyed all his property, took away all his children, and he kept his wife alive. You know why? God gave Satan permission to kill his wife, but Satan said, she's better off alive for my purposes.

That's sad. She became an instrument in Satan's hands to nag that poor husband who was already suffering so much. A foolish woman tears down her home. Yeah, some people have difficult wives. John Wesley had a very difficult wife.

I don't know whether you know, John Wesley was one of the greatest men of God in the history of Christianity. Changed the face of England 200 years ago. One man, God used so mightily to change the face of England.

You know what type of wife he had? One who would pull the hairs from his beard, was suspicious of him. If he went preaching somewhere, she would follow him on a horse to see if he was running after some woman.

She would open the letters that John Wesley had written before mailing them and add naughty sentences in between and mail them. She would insult him in the presence of his co-workers who esteemed him as a prophet of God.

This was his wife. He never spoke an unkind word about her. He preached entire sanctification and he got a wife to test it, whether it was true or not. And he demonstrated that God had done a work in his heart.

Now, what I say is, you don't have to have a cooperative wife to be a prophet of God. It's not always a happy marriage that produces the greatest results. Sometimes a difficult marriage can make a man godly beyond anything that a happy marriage could have done.

All I say is, don't complain about your wife. You know, I think in the final day of judgment, if you stand before God and the Lord asks you, well, why didn't you live for me? And you say, well, Lord, it was my wife.

Because of her, she never cooperated, she never helped me, she nagged me. God said, just wait. Let me call somebody here. John Wesley, come here. And the Lord shows you a videotape of John Wesley's wife and his home relation, the problems he faced at home.

He says, now tell me. And your mouth will be shut. Yeah, I believe God will have in that day husbands who will stand as a living testimony to the fact that they love Jesus more than their wife or children or anything and nobody stopped them from living for God.

Maybe you have a difficult husband. That doesn't hinder you from being a godly woman. We have a big responsibility to bring up our children in the fear of God. Bible says, fathers, the responsibility is placed squarely on the fathers.

To bring up the children in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. The instruction is the teaching them the principles of God's word. And the discipline is disciplining them when they go wrong.

And if we have disciplined them when they are small, we will not have a problem with them when they are grown up. I believe firmly with all my heart that if you train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Either that is true or the word of God is false. It's true. If my children go astray, I can't say, well, children are different. Somewhere I did something wrong. Somewhere I gave priority for the world or for money or something else in my home and my children saw it.

And it's good for us to judge ourselves. And let me give you a word of warning. This is not for you to judge somebody else. It's not for you to sit here and say, well, thank God that man is sitting here and listening to this message.

Then you are in fellowship with the accuser of the brethren. It's for you. Lord, let me judge myself. Train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it. And that's why the Bible says in 1 Timothy 3 that a man, if he is to be an elder in God's house, he must be able to keep his children under control in his home with all dignity.