Church Soup (Ep.2024-04 Murder on the Jerusalem Express, God Worships Us?, and more!!!)

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Welcome back to Church Soup, the only news show on the internet.

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I'm your host Keith Foskey, though recently someone said I bear a passing resemblance to Phil Johnson. Though at this point, having been compared to Doug Wilson, Phil Johnson, and Al from Home Improvement, I'm beginning to think that y 'all just think

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I look like any husky man with a beard. Speaking of Home Improvement, this episode of Church Soup is brought to you by our friends over at Harbor Freight.

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It's not really, but at this point I think it should be. Fingers crossed for that endorsement deal. Seriously, if anyone knows someone at Harbor Freight, let them know that for the right amount of store credit,

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I'll mention them in every video I make from now until the rapture happens. Our top story.

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Every year, churches around the world focus on a particular Sunday in spring to celebrate the resurrection of Christ.

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And many churches put on a passion play depicting the events and the final week of Jesus' life.

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But few do it like Church of the Rock in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Now we featured

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Church on the Rock on a previous episode of Church Soup where they crucified Batman on the Bat -Signal.

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And other years they've done everything from depicting Jesus on a pirate ship to making him a character in Star Wars.

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Well this year they're planning to depict the horrific death of Christ as a murder mystery theater drama called

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Murder on the Jerusalem Express. Notice I threw a little 2CV shield up there for all of you.

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You can thank me in the comments. Also is it just me or does their ad graphic look like Jesus is about to be run over by that train?

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Church of the Rock says this type of creative retelling of the passion narrative is intended to share the story of Jesus with their audience.

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But I can't help thinking it's going to be confusing when people leave thinking the crucifixion was carried out by Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick.

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Continuing on the theme of Easter, Aldi grocery store has announced that it will be closing every one of its stores nationwide on March 31st in observation of Easter Sunday to give their employees the day off to celebrate with family and friends.

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They stated that they are announcing this closing early to ensure their regular shoppers know that they only have a few weeks to prepare for their closing.

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One advertisement actually read, quote, shoppers will have to re -evaluate their shopping plans in a few weeks as the retailer observes a holiday, end quote.

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Re -evaluate their shopping plans? Listen, we're talking about a grocery store, not a hospital. It's not going to be the end of the world if it closes for one day.

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Here's a fun fact. I remember in my own lifetime when most companies were closed on Sundays.

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And not just Easter, but like every Sunday. But listen, if you live in fear that Aldi is taking a day off, just remember there's almost certainly a

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Walmart, Target, Kroger, BJ's, Sam's Club, Winn -Dixie, Publix, Piggly Wiggly, Meyers, H -E -B,

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Costco, Trader Joe's, Harvey's, or some other regional grocery chain in your area willing to make people work on a holiday for your convenience.

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Or you could really go nuts and go somewhere like Whole Foods or some other organic grocery chain.

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You can be fairly certain that most of those stores won't be celebrating any Christian holidays. Oh, and by the way, I know this is a departure, so forgive me, but I've never been to one of those stores that didn't smell like a hippie's armpit.

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Also, what is his fascination with making milk out of things that don't actually produce milk? Excuse me, can

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I get some eucalyptus milk, please? No. Milk comes from cows. And in a pinch, goats.

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Just stop it. Stop it! So be prepared for Easter Sunday when Aldi Grocery will make the earth -shattering move of closing its stores for one day.

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And to all retail employees who do have to work this coming Easter, just remember that all of the employees of Hobby Lobby and Chick -fil -A will continue to pray for you as they enjoy yet another

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Sunday off. Moving on. Recently, a clip from Common Good Church in Bellevue, Washington made the rounds on social media where in the sermon of preacher

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Jermall Witherspoon, this question was posed. What if God worships me?

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Say what now? God worships me. That's what I thought you said. Here's the deal, pumpkin.

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He doesn't. God doesn't worship you. Well, at least the real God doesn't worship you.

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The God you've created in your own mind might worship you, but that God doesn't exist. Making up your own

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God that does what you think it should is the very definition of idolatry. And the most common idol men worship is themself.

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So if you have a God who worships you, why not just go ahead and carve a figure out of wood, overlay it with silver or gold, and give it a nickname like Dagon, or Bale, or even

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Gozer the Traveler, because you're essentially just making stuff up anyway. Oh, and just in case you think this clip is somehow taken out of context, here's the closing prayer from that same service.

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We declare that you are a God that worships us, that you are a

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God that worships us, that you are a God that worships us. As always,

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I hope it was a blast for them, because it was certainly a blast for me. Moving on to political news, have you ever wondered what it would look like to see someone sell their soul on national television?

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This version of Biden, intellectually, analytically, is the best

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Biden ever. Not a close second. And I've known him for years. The Brzezinskis have known him for 50 years.

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If it weren't the truth, I wouldn't say it. That was political commentator Joseph Scarborough defending

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President Joe Biden against accusations that his mental state is declining in his older age.

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Many people have questioned the integrity of Scarborough's statement, especially with increasing evidence that Biden is struggling with seemingly basic tasks.

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The Associated Press have even reported that more than 6 in 10 Americans say that they're not very or not at all confident in Biden's mental capability to serve effectively as president.

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However, if you listen to Scarborough's comments, he did leave himself an escape hatch when he said that Biden was better than he's ever been, because that really doesn't set the bar all that high.

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And Corn Pop was a bad dude. Finally, in national news, the Pittsburgh Police Department is making major changes in how they respond to certain crimes, in some cases not even responding at all, with police stations not even being manned between the hours of 3 a .m.

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and 7 a .m. Residents of the city will see a major change in the way police respond. They will no longer respond to calls that aren't considered in -progress emergency.

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That means calls like criminal mischief, theft, harassment, and most burglary alarms will all be handled by an enhanced telephone reporting unit.

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That means residents will file a police report over the phone. Officers will not respond unless it's an emergency.

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Also, between the hours of 3 a .m. and 7 a .m., there will be no officers at any of the six stations throughout the city.

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So anyone wondering how the movie The Purge got started? Well, now you know.

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Thank you for watching this episode of Church Soup. If you liked the video, please hit the thumbs up button.

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And if you didn't, make sure to hit the thumbs down button twice. Also don't forget, if you run across an awesome story which might make a good ingredient for another bowl of Church Soup, leave a link in the comments with the hashtag church soup.