TLP 281: Sun Tzu’s 5 Dangerous Faults of a General

Truth.Love.Parent.

Subscribe

Download

Share

00

00:03

How do you feel when you're watching a movie and there's a car accident, and that one person who could help save the others pinned in the car is freaking out?

00:12

That annoys the living daylights out of me. Welcome to Truth. Love.

00:18

Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

00:24

Here's your host, AM Brewster. Let me start by saying that this podcast is decidedly

00:29

Christian, and we believe that all of our parenting questions can and should be answered first and foremost from the

00:34

Bible. I never cite individuals whose opinions clearly disagree with Scripture unless I'm doing so to illustrate a point and show how their opinions are wrong.

00:43

And I also try really hard not to cite individuals whose comments have nothing to do with biblical parenting, but just seem to fit in the situation illustratively.

00:52

But it does happen from time to time, and this is one of those times. This is not the first time, though. I believe the only other time

00:59

I've taken an obviously secular work and attempted to apply it to biblical parenting is in episode 51,

01:05

How to Rightly Debate Your Child. What's interesting about that episode is, and this one, is that they both springboard from the same source,

01:13

Sun Tzu's The Art of War. One reason I've done this is the fact that we're dealing with ancient literature from a clearly un -Christian perspective.

01:20

Now, that's not to say it's wholly wicked—Sun Tzu simply wasn't born again. I definitely avoid doing this with authors whose work is more contemporary, lest I give you, the listener, a wrong idea about the value of the work.

01:32

But as a treatise on warfare, The Art of War is clearly an authority, and few people will accidentally view it as a source for biblical truth.

01:39

So why would I reference it on a podcast dedicated to helping Christian parents be the ambassador parents

01:45

God called and created them to be? Well, that's the second reason. The doctrine of God's common grace is a gorgeous teaching that shows us that God is not some dictator in the sky who makes it as hard as possible to have a relationship with Him.

01:59

In fact, He graciously makes it possible for us to not only have a righteous relationship with Him, but also not live as sinfully as we could, even if we are currently rejecting

02:09

Him. This means that even unregenerate, biblically ignorant people can come to general understandings of truth.

02:16

Outside of the scripture, they won't know the true source and cure for an issue, and they obviously won't know the gospel, but they often are able to accurately observe the problem and provide solutions that tip their hats to God's redemptive plan.

02:29

So today we're going to look at a section of The Art of War where Sun Tzu makes some observations that are biblically applicable to modern

02:35

Christian parents. Of course, our final authority for this show will come from the scriptures, and we'll look at that a lot, but I hope you're interested in hearing how a general found truth for parenting on the ancient battleground.

02:46

But before I do that, I'd like to thank Josh, Heatherly, and Lisa for making today's episode possible. Each of them have given financially so that our families can learn more about God.

02:55

How awesome is that? Thank you guys for worshiping God by equipping us as parents. You can find out yourself how to be a blessing to Christian parents all over the world by clicking on the five ways to support

03:06

TLP link in the description of this episode. Yes, you can give money, but you can also do lots of other things like pray or review this show on iTunes.

03:15

I do pray that you'll consider what the Lord might have you do. All right, let's learn to be better parents in Sun Tzu's army, and most importantly, better parents in God's.

03:24

And if you're a notetaker who can't take notes because you're listening on the go, please check out our free episode notes and transcript, which

03:30

I'll have linked in the description of this episode. If you're not familiar with The Art of War beyond what

03:36

I've already shared, it will be helpful to know that it doesn't read like a modern textbook. It's more of a bulleted checklist of ideas that apply to the topic of the discussion of that quote -unquote chapter.

03:47

In what we call chapter eight, the topic is variation in tactics and starts with this very insightful observation, quote,

03:55

Sun Tzu said, in war, the general receives his commands from the sovereign, collects his army and concentrates his forces, unquote.

04:04

He received three facets. Number one, he receives his orders. Two, he prepares his tools.

04:09

And three, he uses them to accomplish his orders. The parallel to the believing parent is so beautiful.

04:17

Too often parents are focused on the third aspect, you know, making their families run smoothly or achieving some family status or accomplishment.

04:23

But they give very little thought to the fact that a victorious family must first be prepared. They need to train in order to be successful.

04:31

Now there are many families who understand that principle. I don't want to discount that, but they miss maybe the eternal importance of the first principle.

04:38

How you train your family and on what your family concentrates its energies is going to have everything to do with who is giving your orders.

04:46

Quote, the general receives his commands from the sovereign, unquote. Who is that sovereign in your family?

04:53

If you're the general of your family, then who is the one providing your marching orders? Dads, you're not the sovereign.

05:00

Hate to break it to you. Moms, you're not the sovereign either. This family has not been collected to achieve our goals and desires.

05:08

Our sovereign is God and he alone gets to set the standard and expectation for our families. Therefore, we must collect and prepare our army with his commands in mind and concentrate our family's energies with his commands in mind.

05:20

That's all that matters. And that right there is a fantastic recalibration if we only heed it.

05:26

Okay, so then Sun Tzu makes nine more observations, which we won't take the time to observe. They're great in so many ways, but not applicable to this discussion.

05:34

But his 11th through 14th notes are valuable for us today. Number 11 reads this way, quote, the art of war teaches us not to rely on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him.

05:48

Not on the chance of his not attacking, but rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable, unquote.

05:56

Here Sun Tzu is observing that it would be foolish for a general to hope that the enemy will not attack. He's the enemy, of course he's going to attack.

06:03

His hope should be in the fact that when the enemy attacks, the general and his forces will be ready to receive him because they've made their position unassailable.

06:11

My friends, Satan is going to attack your family. He is attacking as we speak. First Peter 5 .8,

06:17

be sober minded, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.

06:24

Ephesians 6 .12 describes it in military terms. We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

06:38

If you're hoping that by keeping your family sheltered from sin that you have kept the devil from attacking, you're wrong.

06:44

You don't understand the nature of sin. Too many parents hold onto the delusion that they can insulate their children from ideas and images and this will protect them.

06:54

But in situations like that, the devil has already taken ground in the child's heart. As Christian parents, our position becomes unassailable, not because our walls are so high that our kids never come in contact with the world, but because our family is prepared to meet the attack in the power of God.

07:12

They're prepared to answer the lies. They're prepared to overcome the temptations. But even when the army is prepared well and functioning to the glory of God, there are at least five things that the general can do to mess things up.

07:25

Sun Tzu puts it this way, quote, There are five dangerous faults which may affect a general. 1.

07:30

Recklessness, which leads to destruction. 2. Cowardice, which leads to capture. 3.

07:36

A hasty temper, which can be provoked by insults. 4. A delicacy of honor, which is sensitive to shame.

07:44

5. Over solicitude for his men, which exposes him to worry and trouble. These are the five besetting sins of a general, ruinous to the conduct of war.

07:54

When an army is overthrown and its leader slain, the cause will surely be found among these five dangerous faults.

08:00

Let them be a subject of meditation, unquote. And that's what we want to do here. Let's subject them to meditation.

08:07

1. Reckless parenting leads to destruction. This one makes all the sense in the world.

08:13

Merriam -Webster defines reckless as, quote, Marked by lack of proper caution, careless of consequences, unquote.

08:20

But in Ephesians 5, 15 -17, God commanded us to look carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

08:30

Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. That doesn't sound very reckless to me.

08:36

And Proverbs 15, 22 reminds us that without counsel, plans fail. But with many advisors, they succeed.

08:43

And Luke 14, 28, and 29 teaches us, quote, For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?

08:51

Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, unquote.

08:58

Our parenting must be intentional and premeditated. Recklessness grows from a lack of understanding of the nature of the situation and its consequences.

09:06

But intentionally premeditated parents who find their source of truth in God will be constantly looking for the plan of action that will most please the

09:14

Lord. And they won't just find proof texts for their way of living, they'll allow the whole of Scripture to provide commentary on every other verse so that their family represents the whole counsel of God.

09:25

Are you a reckless parent? Do you make decisions and plans without considering the implications and costs?

09:31

This is very easy to do financially, but it's just as easy to do philosophically. Yes, we can spend our families into destitution, but we can just as destructively fill our kids' heads with off -the -cuff, unbiblical philosophies that will become the foundation of future thinking.

09:45

Don't be reckless in your parenting. Don't just let your kids listen to that music or see that movie or read that book or hang out with those friends just because every other kid their age is doing it.

09:56

Destruction is the cost of indiscriminate parenting. 2.

10:03

Cowardly Parenting Leads to Capture There are two sides of this coin. On one side, a cowardly parent is taken captive by their fears.

10:12

They become paralyzed by their parenting responsibilities and end up not parenting at all. In Mark 5, a parent is told that their daughter is dead.

10:19

But Jesus tells him, do not fear, only believe. Too often we stop acting because we think our kids are too far gone or nothing we can do will ever matter.

10:29

But Jesus calls us to believe in him. He's the one who does the work. But the other side of this cowardice -leads -to -capture coin is that our cowardice will lead to our kids being captured by sin.

10:41

When we fearfully fall back and leave our kids on the front lines with no support, guidance, or backup, we often damn them to failure.

10:48

How can we expect a middle schooler to stand up against the atheistic, sexually perverted, God -hating propaganda in their school when we won't even make it our voices heard in the

10:57

PTA? Our kids need us. And if we chicken out of our

11:02

God -given decree, our family will be captured. Are you a fearful parent?

11:08

Episode 40 is called Fearless Parenting, and our Peaceful Parenting series starts in episode 69. I pray those shows can help you find peace in who

11:16

God is. Don't be afraid of what the world might do or say to your kids.

11:22

Matthew 10, 28 -32, And do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul.

11:28

Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?

11:34

And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your father, but even the hairs of your head are all numbered.

11:40

Fear not, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows. So everyone who acknowledges me before men,

11:48

I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my

11:54

Father who is in heaven. Our only fear should be a fear of failing God.

12:00

Number three, angry parenting leads to disrespect. Sun Tzu described this as a hasty temper which can be provoked by insults.

12:09

Let's deal with the elephant in the room. Yes, there is a Christ -honoring way to be angry, and we talk all about that in previous shows.

12:15

Obviously, I'm discussing sinfully angry parenting for this point. Are you easily provoked by your kid's disobedience and lip?

12:23

Do you respond hastily to foolishness? When parents lose control, they also lose respect.

12:29

Let me say that one more time. When parents lose control, they also lose respect. How do you feel when you're watching a movie and the bad guy just bursts into the room or a car accident takes place and there's someone who could be helpful in addressing the problem, but they're freaking out, melting down, or catatonically incapable of helping?

12:47

I don't know about you, but that annoys the living daylights out of me. And it also annoys our kids when we can't control our anger, especially when we're angry at them for not being able to control their anger.

12:59

It breeds disrespect so easily. Ephesians 6 .4 tells us not to provoke our kids to anger, and Colossians 3 .21

13:06

builds on that by resetting the same command, but adding, quote, lest they become discouraged.

13:13

Many of you know what it's like to work for an unreasonable employer. You understand how chafing and strenuous that is.

13:20

Don't do that to your kids. If you're an easily provoked parent, you're not parenting in Christ.

13:27

You're not an ambassador. You're parenting for you. And there's a theme among these first three.

13:33

The reckless parent acts without thinking due to arrogance. The cowardly parent acts without thinking due to uncontrolled emotions.

13:40

But the angry parent acts without thinking due to both. Our children should be able to trust us to lead them well.

13:48

We are in a war. Remember, how scary must it be to have to obey a general who cares more about himself than his soldiers?

13:56

Number four, delicate parenting leads to shame. Sun Tzu referred to a general whose, quote, delicacy of honor, unquote, makes him sensitive to shame.

14:06

Now, I can tell you that Sun Tzu's understanding of shame is not the Christ honoring shame we discussed in our children and shame series.

14:12

The shame to which Sun Tzu is referring deals with the ancient oriental concept of bad shame brought on by perceived dishonor, the extension of another's dishonor felt by me, the over -exaggeration of personal dishonor, stuff like that.

14:25

It's always appropriate to experience the good shame that accompanies sinful choices. But too many parents feel shame concerning things over which they have no control.

14:33

Some experience inordinate amounts of shame that their teenager has wayward or behind in school or pregnant.

14:39

Even parents of young children can feel ashamed when their child suffers with a genetic disease that stunts their development.

14:45

Now, I don't want to tread too heavily here, but we have to grapple with the fact that such shame truly is a matter of pride.

14:52

Either that or it's just a misuse of vocabulary. It is appropriate to quote, unquote, feel bad for a child who's experiencing the consequence of sin or the effects of having been born into a broken creation.

15:04

But to be personally ashamed of someone else's actions is pride. Only twice is the phrase,

15:10

I am ashamed, used in the scripture. One is being spoken by someone who has sinned and the other was voiced by a man whose pride would be wounded to have to beg.

15:19

Every other usage of good shame in the Bible dealt with the shame another should experience. Therefore, when communicating to our kids about their poor choices, it's appropriate to say, you should be ashamed, but not necessarily,

15:30

I'm ashamed of you. And what's interesting is that a person who's tempted to experience bad shame in parenting and responds pridefully is likely going to do and say sinful things that will bring upon them the good shame of their choices.

15:44

Does your children's sin chafe your ego? This response is the opposite of the angry parent.

15:49

Instead of blowing up at the kid, this one will try to hide. Do you hide from other parents? Do you dislike going to church because you're ashamed of your broken family?

15:58

Like we said to the angry parent, this is not about us. What does God want us to do? How does

16:04

He want us to live? It's a shame to sin, so it's a shame to allow our honor to be so delicate that it's pridefully picked by the brokenness and struggle in our home.

16:13

I love James 5, 13 -20. People often think that passage is referring to people who are physically sick, and I suppose that having a pastor pray over you isn't necessarily a bad thing.

16:23

But the verse, quote, Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let him pray over him, anointing him with the oil in the name of the

16:30

Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, isn't actually referring to illness.

16:37

That particular Greek word should not have been translated sick those two times. The whole passage deals with our sinful weakness.

16:45

I'm going to read the passage and provide a more accurate translation of the difficult phrase. Quote, Is anyone among you enduring hardships?

16:51

Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you weak in the faith?

16:58

Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the one who is weak, and the

17:07

Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

17:16

The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

17:31

Unquote. When there's brokenness and sin and hardships in our family, we shouldn't hide.

17:37

We should throw the doors open and invite people in. If we're spiritually weak, we shouldn't be pridefully ashamed of that.

17:44

We should confess our sins to others and invite them to pray for us. We should repent of our sins and allow others to bring us back from our wandering.

17:53

All right, number one, reckless parenting leads to destruction, two, cowardly parenting leads to capture, three, angry parenting leads to disrespect, and four, delicate parenting leads to shame.

18:05

Lastly, number five, worrisome parenting leads to trouble. Now some of you may be tempted to think that Sun Tzu misses the mark here.

18:13

He says one of the five faults of a general is, quote, over solicitude for his men, which exposes him to worry and trouble, unquote.

18:20

The word over solicitude refers to a care and concern that Sun Tzu believes has gone overboard.

18:26

And I can understand how a Christ -honoring parent might ask, are you suggesting we can love our kids too much? No, I'm not.

18:32

Most of you will know exactly where I stand on the concept of biblical love from our Four Family Love series. It's impossible to have too much true biblical agape love for our kids.

18:41

So how does Sun Tzu determine if the general has too much care and concern for his soldiers? If the general experiences worry and trouble due to the fear he has for his soldiers.

18:51

I've met too many parents who justify their worry by saying things like, well, I am the mother, or it's a sinful world out there.

18:58

Biblically the concepts of worry, anxiety, and fear are all the same thing, just to differing degrees or applications.

19:05

Whereas the cowardly parent is kept from doing what they should do because they're afraid for themselves, the worried parent keeps their kids from doing things that they should potentially be doing out of fear for their kids.

19:17

Worry is kind of like inverse cowardice. Not my goal is not to get too caught up in the semantics. Sure, you can be worried about something that will happen to you.

19:23

My point is to help us see that regardless of to where our fear is pointed, if it's not the fear of the

19:29

Lord, it's sin. First Peter 3 has an extended section for wives. He says, quote, likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, where they see your respectful and pure conduct, unquote.

19:44

And then he explains what that respectful and pure conduct looks like, quote, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of your heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

20:02

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed

20:09

Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children, if you do good, and here's the key thing, do not fear anything that is frightening, unquote.

20:18

That last line is so important for us, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Many warriors believe that they fear because they are in a frightening situation.

20:28

In their minds, fear is being forced upon them from the outside versus growing from their own spirits. In reality, the whole of life is scary,

20:35

Iman. Humans are impotent beings with no control over anything, who can die from a nearly infinite number of factors, including microscopic organisms by which they are surrounded at all times.

20:45

However, those realities alone need not produce fear. Humans only fear when they shed their delusion of control and yet have no trustworthy replacement.

20:57

That first step, acknowledging their inability to control the events of their lives, is actually a healthy and vital step.

21:02

However, without taking the necessary second step, understanding that there is someone in control who can be trusted, the parent will be unable to shed their fear.

21:13

There are five dangerous faults which may affect a general. 1. Recklessness, which leads to destruction.

21:19

2. Cowardice, which leads to capture. 3. A hasty temper, which can be provoked by insults. 4.

21:25

A delicacy of honor, which is sensitive to shame. 5. Oversolicitude for his men, which exposes him to worry and trouble.

21:32

These are the five besetting sins of a general, ruinous to the conduct of war.

21:38

When an army is overthrown and its leader slain, the cause will surely be found among these five dangerous faults.

21:45

Let them be a subject of meditation. And this is true not because Sun Tzu observed it, but because God created the world and gets to decide how it's going to work.

21:55

God forbid our families be overthrown because we weren't taking orders from the correct sovereign. God forbid our families be overthrown because we didn't prepare them for the inevitable daily onslaught of Satan, the world, and our own sinful flesh.

22:08

God forbid our families be overthrown because we were self -worshiping generals more concerned with our own opinions, fears, tempers, honor, and worries.

22:18

God forbid. Please share this episode, especially if your friend likes the art of war, or more specifically wants to be the parent

22:25

God called and created them to be. And join us next time as we ask, what is your family idol?

22:31

We're going to review the idea of spiritual idolatry, but then equip us with the knowledge necessary to identify our individual and family idols.

22:40

Remember, if you're looking for personalized help, you can reach out to us at counselor at truthloveparent .com. We'd love to be whatever blessing we can be.

22:47

Remember, this is a war, and parenting comes with a lot of responsibility and temptations. I know, you know.

22:54

Truth of Parent wants to equip you to overcome the enemy to the glory of God. So to that end,

23:00

I'll see you next time. Truth. Love. Parent. Is part of the

23:05

Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

23:12

Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.