What Are the Differences Between Men and Women? — Daniel L. Akin

This message was given at the Building Strong Families Conference held in Dallas, Texas, March 20th through the 22nd of 2000. This conference was sponsored by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood and Family Life Ministries.

Following the message, there will be information on how to order additional materials on building a strong family.

Though I do not endorse his theology or worldview, there can be no debate that John Gray, a popular writer several years ago, struck a chord that resonates within each of us with his book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

Because in that book, what John Gray pointed out was something that we all intuitively knew and know to be so, and that is this, men and women really are different. We think differently, we see things differently, and we feel differently in the way that we process life and the way that we deal with situations.

And it is not surprising that when we come to the scriptures, we discover that we are indeed different by design. And as I have noted there in your notes, Genesis 2, 18 and 21 through 25 make it very clear that we are by creational mandate different by design.

And yet as you look at the biblical data, I think there are two areas where we see that these differences stand out. One is that we are different by this biblical pattern. And secondly, we are also different by personal need.

And I want to spend a good bit of time today talking about how we are different in the area of our personal needs. Because many of you are pastors and Bible teachers, I've given you a significant amount of material, much more than I would be able to cover during this one session together, but some things that you will hopefully be able to use as you do expeditional biblical analysis of marriage and the assignment of men and the assignment of women as husbands and wives and fathers and mothers.

And I've given you a number of outlines. Just quickly noting on the second page that if you choose to approach this in a biblically topical way, you can talk about the fact that the scriptures admonish a husband and father to love and lead, to labor and learn.

That a Christian wife and mother is admonished to submit, support, stabilize, and socialize. Now, if I could boil that down more simply, Now, I put this up here on the board because I do think that the Ephesians 5 passage is the classic and foundational text for which I would want to develop an understanding of the roles of men and women.

And also, even there, recognizing subtly some of the differences that scripture develops, not just in that text but in others, I think you can take these fourfold assignments and boil them down into two.

God calls husbands to love their wives and to know their wives. And that is the twofold biblical theological mandate that God gives a man, gives a husband. He is to love her and he is to know her. A wife, on the other hand, is admonished by God both to follow her husband and to respect her husband.

And again, if one looks at the Ephesians passage, you notice that those things are naturally drawn out from those particular passages. In fact, if you just walk on through the handout for a moment so that I get where I want to spend most of my time, I've given you an outline study from 1 Corinthians 7, Single or Married, What Does the Bible Say?

And Paul has wonderful words of advice in the first 11 verses of 1 Corinthians 7. He also has the next outline on Guidelines for Spiritually Mixed Marriages. Paul gives us some insight that's very complimentary to the same teaching that you find in 1 Peter 3 by the Apostle Peter as to how it is that a believer would respond in a marriage relationship where they find themselves married to an unbeliever.

I've also included the next page, an outline on 1 Corinthians 11, 2 -16, which is a verse-by-verse exegetical analysis of what the Bible says in that particular text about the role of women in the church.

And then going to the classic passage in Ephesians chapter 5, you see there being filled with the Holy Spirit. Part 1 would be one possible way of analyzing that. And you'll note that three things accrue when believers are filled with the Spirit.

They praise their God, wives respect their husbands, and husbands love their wives. And I developed the fact that the word love occurs five times in verses 25 -33, and there are various aspects of the kind of love that a man is to have for his wife that Paul develops in some detail there.

And then on the next page, being filled with the Holy Spirit, part 2, I show you how one might approach the teaching assignment of children obeying their parents and parents encouraging their children.

And then the next outline, which is moving toward the last three, you can take the Ephesians passage if you want some time and make it more concise and simply take it from its twin parallel text in Colossians 3, 18 -21, where there Paul does in four verses what he does in over 15 verses in Ephesians 5, 22 -6, 4.

There you have a very straightforward job assignment, a role assignment to husbands, wives, parents, and children. I like to often point out that though there are only four verses, there are five imperatives that are found in those four verses.

And the one person who got two was the husband, which was not surprising to me. And there is also one given to the wife, one to parents, and one to children as well. Again, if you find the need to develop the issue of role assignments of men and women in the church, the next page gives you an outline from Titus chapter 2, verses 1 -8, which talks about God's assignment for older men, older women, younger women, and younger men.

And then finally, a passage that is very crucial in many of our churches as we are active in evangelism, seeing people come to faith in Christ, and then a spouse finds themselves in a situation where their partner is an unbeliever, 1 Peter 3, 1 -7 does provide some wonderful counsel as to how it is we would try to approach our spouse in bringing them to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

And so there are a number of texts that we could analyze as we are thinking about, talking about, the assignment that God gives men and women in marriage. And even as you analyze those texts, you begin to suddenly pick up some insights into their differences.

And so again, the differences begin in one sense with what God's expectation is. Husband, love your wives, know your wives, follow your husband, respect your husband. That then brings us to the section in your notes where you see, at the top of the page, seven basic needs of a woman.

If I am teaching this material because I am committed to a biblical exposition approach, what I am going to do is expound Ephesians 5, 25 -33, verse by verse, phrase by phrase, word by word. Then having done that, I will step back with my congregation and say, Now, how would we work this out practically in life?

In other words, gentlemen, if God has called you to love your wife, as Christ loved the church, and God has called you to know your wife, 1 Peter 3, 7, how has God put her together? What is this wonderful creature called woman like when you look at both what the Bible has to say and even from some legitimate studies within the arena of psychology and relationship?

Well, on this particular page, I have listed for you what I have called seven basic needs of a woman. This is not to say that this list is exhaustive, though I will say to you in having the joy of doing marriage conferences now for over 12 years, I have never had a woman disagree with this list, not even one time.

The list is somewhat similar to some studies that were done by Dr. Willard Harley in his very fine book, His Needs, Her Needs, How to Have an Affair-Proof Marriage. I know simply because of my experience as a husband, as a pastor, now as a professor in a school of theology.

I teach at Southern Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky and work with husbands and wives who are going into ministry. I think that there are a couple of other things that are very apparent both biblically and just personally as I try to understand how it is that God has put a woman together.

I would not fight you over this, but I personally believe that this list is also correctly prioritized so that you're moving from the most important need in the life of a woman to that which is of lesser importance, so all of them are crucial and significant.

I want to point out before we move into examining this list that men must confess that we have not always done a very good job in meeting the needs of our wives. In fact, Time Magazine on February 14, 1994 ran as its cover story, The Body of a Man with the Head of a Pig.

And the title of that particular magazine was at the top, Are Men Really That Bad? And in that particular article, they kind of set forth as typical American males, people like Burt Reynolds, Senator Hatfield, or Packwood, excuse me, Mike Tyson, Donald Trump, and Joey Budapico.

And they said, here they are, in all of their infamy, the typical American male. And indeed, we must confess that some men, because of the fact that they are insensitive, have not been very good at meeting the basic needs of their wives, and some men, more out of ignorance, have not been very good at meeting the basic needs of their wives.

They would like to, but they don't know what they are. And so I want to very quickly make some comments about how it is that I believe God has wired a woman. Number one, I do believe the most basic need that a Christian woman has is the need for her husband to be a spiritual leader.

She is looking for her husband to be a man of God, someone who is courageous, someone who lives by certain convictions and commitments. Now, guys, those are all strong words. Courage, conviction, commitment.

But you'll notice in that first sentence, the next two words are compassion and character. Those are more gentle words, and I would want us to understand that being a very strong masculine male and also being someone gentle is not mutually exclusive.

You can be both gentle and strong at the same time, and there's no reason that all of that cannot be wrapped up together in the person of a godly man. And so your wife is looking for someone who knows the Lord, who loves the Lord, who obeys the Lord.

And one of the things I would want to say to us who are pastors, sometimes men make the mistake of thinking, well, I'm just not very studious, I'm not very much wired and geared toward in-depth study.

I could never be a theologian, and therefore I could never be a man of God. And what we have to help men understand is it's not what is up here that is important, it is what is here that is important.

Now, I'm not negating this, but the fact of the matter is this. In my own life, the man that influenced me more for good when it comes to the things of God was a man with a ninth-grade education who was a steel construction worker.

But he loved the Lord. He taught me how to share my faith. He taught me how to pray. He taught me how to begin a systematic study of the Word of God. And I've had the joy of sitting under some wonderful persons.

Dr. Paige Patterson is my father in the ministry. Preached my ordination with my preaching professor. I learned a ton from him. But no one impacted my life more than this layman with a ninth-grade education who was a steel construction worker.

But he was a great man of God because he loved God. And if you have that kind of heart, then you can be a spiritual leader in your home. The educational level that you achieve will be irrelevant. Secondly, your wife has a need for personal affirmation.

And really, the operative word here is appreciation. I say there, he openly commends her in the presence of others as a marvelous mate, friend, and lover and companion. And she feels that to him, no one is more important in this world.

I like to say it this way. Most men appreciate their wives. But that is not the issue. The issue is, does your wife feel appreciated? Several years ago, I was invited to speak at a church. And a lady went to the trouble of tracking my address down and writing me this card before I ever showed up to speak at that church.

It's anonymous, so I do not even know who wrote it. But I want you to listen to what she wrote to me. Dear Dr. Aiken, I hope you received my card before the marriage conference at our church. I recently married a member of our church.

He will be attending the seminar. This past Valentine's Day, he did not acknowledge that romantic holiday, and I was very hurt. I watched as my co-workers received flowers. To make things worse, he joked about it in front of one of my friends.

My mom told me that I should have known what to expect since he never gave me flowers while we were dating. This may sound selfish and petty on my part. I'm just so discouraged. After I come home from my job, I do the housework and I cook and shop.

I wouldn't mind so much if he would just occasionally show his appreciation. The only time he has ever given me a gift is on my birthday and Christmas. It would mean so much to me if just once he would give me something just because he loves me.

I exercise and I try to look nice. I iron his clothes and I cook his favorite meals. He has thousands of dollars to invest in the stock market, but he has never spent one dollar on a romantic gift for me.

I know flowers will eventually wilt, but they're so beautiful. I'm afraid my love will eventually wilt. Will you pray for me? Now, folks, I'm willing to wager that that husband does love and does appreciate his wife, but that's not the issue.

The issue is by the things he says and the things he does. Does she feel appreciated? And the overwhelming answer is no, she doesn't. I was speaking to church one time and I shared this principle and I said, you know what, guys, for example, one of the things you can do is just pick up the phone in the middle of the day, call your wife and see how she's doing.

Don't call and ask her what's for dinner. Don't call and ask her what came in the mail. You just call and say, honey, I was just thinking about you and I want to see how your day is going. So the next night this really pretty young lady came up to me.

She said, Dr. Akin, my husband listened to you last night. I said, well, he did. She said, oh, he sure did. We've been married for seven years. My husband has never called me from work even one time. But today he called me five times.

Well, at first I was so proud of myself thinking, well, here I am doing these family conferences and I have succeeded well. But then a terrifying thought entered my mind as God humbled me. And I looked at him and I said, can I ask you a question?

What did he say? I mean, think about it. You haven't thought of anything to say in seven years. What are you going to say five times in one day? And sure enough, every conversation lasted less than a minute.

And it would pretty much be boiled down to, honey, it's me. I was thinking about you. I love you. I hope you're having a good day. Goodbye. And he hung up the phone five times. Well, I looked at her then and I said, well, goodness, I'm so sorry it didn't work out.

And here's what she said. She said, oh, no. It was wonderful. Just the fact that he thought to call. That just means everything. He then said, we can work on the words later. But if he doesn't call, we don't even have anything to work on.

And so they have a very great need for appreciation. Number three, your wife has the need for personal affection and romance. And I'll simply say this quickly just because of time. Most men have no idea what romance is from a woman's perspective.

In fact, behind this page, I've given you two pages of suggestions that women give. I'm so glad they did because most of us are not as males wired to understand what romance is from a female perspective.

For a man, romance means sex. But for a woman, it can mean a thousand and one different things. I discovered this the hard way. And my sweet wife is here this afternoon and has given me permission to share any of the things I share about our own relationship.

We've been married for about 10 years, and we were living in Dallas. And at that time, I was teaching at a Bible college. And because I was trying to keep up on things, I was doing a good bit of reading at that time.

Even though I teach theology, I was reading in the area of marriage and family, secular, spiritual sources. And it did not matter what I read. All the books said again and again and again, women need romance, women need romance, women need romance.

Well, best I could tell, I had a pretty happy wife. So, I came home one day, and I walked into the kitchen, and I said, Charlotte, let me ask you a question. Am I romantic? Now, folks, she yanked her head around so quickly.

I am amazed to this day that she did not permanently damage her neck. And she had a look in her eye that I had really never seen before, but I knew it was not going to be a good answer that I would receive.

And so, she said, well, now that you ask after 10 years of marriage, let me begin by saying I do love you. Now, that's bad. I mean, this is one time that I love you is not something you're looking for.

You know what she's doing? She's prefacing the slam dunk. And so, she says, I do love you, and I could not imagine being married to anybody else. And I want you to know you're a great daddy to our four sons.

But now that you ask, no, you're not romantic. I don't think you would recognize romance if it bit you on the leg or slapped you in the face. So, having the typical male response, my ego badly bruised, I said, well, I've been reading about this stuff lately, and it says you need it.

And she said, well, I'd love to have it. And I said, well, I'm going to see what I can do about doing better and maybe giving it to you. And she said, well, the fact that you're going to try, I actually find romantic.

So, I said, well, all right, we're off to a good start here. Now, this story is not embellished one witch. She's sitting right against the wall, right in the middle. You can ask her. This is the gospel truth.

It was a Friday night. We were living in Dallas. I thought it was time to be romantic. So, I came up behind my wife, and I began to massage her back and neck. I thought that was a very romantic thing to do.

She turned around and said, why don't you go and leave me alone? Quit bothering me. I said, well, honey, I thought that was romantic. She said, no, it's not romantic now. It won't be romantic later either.

I knew what that meant too, so I went to bed early that night by myself. There was no need staying up. Saturday rolled around, and I was still licking my wounds. My wife, when she takes a shower, she likes to use this stuff called Skin So Soft from Avon.

Some of you would be familiar with it. It really smells good. If you've got dry skin, it will slime you up something good. It's also, by the way, a great insect repellent. Yes, it is. It'll keep the bugs off of you.

So, put your Skin So Soft on, and you're good to go. Well, she puts it on her body, I guess for the dry skin. I'm not sure, but I'm assuming that. And then she wipes it off with a towel. Well, the towel was lying on the bed, and I walked over.

And I know this makes no sense, but I picked up her towel, and I smelled it. And I said, you know, honey, this towel smells like you. And my wife said, now that's romantic. Can we process this for just a moment?

I have just told my wife she smells like a towel, and she's saying that's romantic. And so I said to her, don't make fun of me. I'm really trying to understand this thing. And she said, well, I found it romantic, and she walked away.

And I really, before the Lord, in my heart said, well, Lord, we can forget this. I can't do this romance thing. I'm not wired to understand how she thinks about romance. And then the Lord showed me how this romance thing works.

Now, folks, this is not inspired like the Bible. But it is by far the most inspiring thought I ever had. And it revolutionized a significant part of our marriage because I came to understand how romance works.

And I'm going to share it with you very quickly. It's like this, number one. Romance is a game. And it is a very particular game. It is the game of hide-and-go-seek. Your wife hides it, and you seek it.

And that's romance. And if you find it, to quote that great philosopher Mayberry, Andy Griffin, it's good. Oh, it's good. Now, if you don't find it, you've got one of two options. You can be nasty and mean and ugly and been out of shape and just be an old grouse of a husband for the rest of your life.

I've met lots of men like that. Or you can remember, it's a game, hide-and-go-seek. She hides, I seek. And sometimes I win. And sometimes what? You lose. But, hey, that's the fun of playing the game.

But it's hide-and-go-seek. Now, number two, and this isn't fair. But we're all big people, and so we know that life isn't fair. Just some things, that's the way they are. What does romantic to your wife say today?

It won't be romantic tomorrow. Women are incredibly gifted at moving the romance all over the place all the time. In fact, sometimes they move it in the same day. In fact, sometimes they move it to a place that they don't even remember where it is, but they expect you to find it.

And so romance is this wonderful game of hide-and-go-seek. She hides it, you seek it. It's always changing. It's always moving. It's always shifting. But if a man is going to be the kind of man that God has called him to be, and he is going to meet one of the most basic needs of his wife in the area of romance, he will work diligently to learn to understand it from her perspective.

And as I said, women find very strange things romantic. I wish I'd brought a list also that I have on men, because here's something that I think will help us guys especially. Men, when it comes to romance, are very eye-oriented.

Why? Because men are creatures of sight, and men are very much moved by what they see. Women, on the other hand, are not so much creatures of the eye as they are of the ear and of the heart. And if you look at the list behind the seven basic needs of a woman, you'll find not one thing.

Now, that's a list that women gave us. That's not my list. That's a list that women gave us. You will find that not one thing has to do with how you look. But there are all sorts of things that are there that will speak to her heart through her ear.

And so we need to understand that they process romance in a radically different way than we do. If you have some guys in your churches that need a little encouragement in this area, let me share with you that the Germans several years ago took a survey, and they discovered an amazing thing.

If a man will kiss his wife in the morning before he goes to work, he lives on average five years longer than a man who doesn't, has 50 less illnesses, and he makes 20 to 30 more money. So guys, even if you don't like her, you ought to kiss her because you're going to live longer, you're going to be sick less, and you're going to make more money.

I mean, what a deal. And so there's your motivation for being romantic with your wife. Now, number four and number five I'll tie together. Your wife has the need for intimate conversation. She has the need for honesty and openness, working backwards.

Guys, your wife is wired by the Lord in such a way that she wants to be a part of who you are on the inside. She really wants to be close to you. When you're up or when you're down, when you succeed or when you fail, when you're happy or when you're sad, she wants to share that with you.

And so she wants you to be open and honest with her so that she can get involved with the real you on the inside. Secondly, she wants you to talk to her intimately, and you'll notice I speak there in terms of a conversation that is at the feeling level, that is heart to heart.

Men must learn to hear the heart behind the words of a wife. Because women speak from the heart, and they use words as the means of getting it there, but sometimes we guys misunderstand or don't pay attention, and we just focus on the words and we miss the heart behind the words.

For example, a man will come home at the end of the day, walk into the home and give his wife a kiss on the cheek and say, Honey, how'd your day go? And she'll say, Fine. Now, does that fine mean fine?

No, that fine means bad. Because that's how women communicate. They use code language. But no, you're not listening, you're not listening. So you go into the family room, you get that wonderful male therapy device, the remote control, and you exercise your fingers for several hours, but then something hits you.

She didn't fix me any supper. And you get amazingly sensitive when you get hungry. So you find her in the back of the bedroom and you say, Honey, is anything bothering you? And she says, No. Now, does that no mean no?

No, that no means yes. But you know what else it means? You weren't interested in finding out three hours ago? I ain't about to tell you now. Jesus will return to this planet before you know what's bothering me.

And you say, Well, she shouldn't be like that. No, you should have been listening when you got home. Because in a female way of conversing, when you walked into that house, kissed her on the cheek, and said, How are you doing?

And she said, Fine. She was screaming loudly, I've had a bad day. She was. And if you've been married any time at all, you know exactly what I'm talking about. But if you don't, then you have probably suffered through this particular scenario again and again and again.

And it's time to figure out what's going on. Well, number six and number seven, I'll put them together for time's sake. Your wife also has a need for home support and stability. And she also longs for you to put the family first.

In other words, outside of your relationship with Christ, nothing is more important to you than your wife and your children. And you'll see the last line under the sixth point, her need for home support and stability.

Remember, the husband, the father is the security hub of the family. And nothing brings security in the life of a child like knowing that my daddy is there, and my daddy is taking care of things, and I can rest in the reality and the comfort and the certainty that dad is in place, and dad is overseeing things, and dad is taking care of things.

So, those in a real quick thumb sketch is how it is that God has put a woman together. Now, flip over a couple pages, and let me also talk to you very quickly about how it is that God has also put a man together.

Let me begin by sharing something that I think you'll find both interesting and somewhat entertaining. A good friend of mine by the name of Charles Lowry is the pastor of the Hoffmantown Baptist Church in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

He also has a Ph .D. in psychology and is a wonderful marriage and family speaker, and just gifted. I mean, just a gifted, gifted speaker. Well, several years ago, as he was trying to help his church understand, in a friendly sort of a way, differences between men and women, he wrote a newsletter column for his church that is simply entitled, Men.

Now, I just want you to listen to some of the things that Charles wrote, because I think it again speaks to some of these differences. A few years ago, the Forrester sisters sang a song about men. It went something like this.

They buy you dinner, they open your door. But other than that, just what are they good for? Men. Well, men have problems, especially with relationships, after all. We grew up playing baseball, football, king of the hill, catch of the flag.

We grew up competing with each other, doing things and fixing things. And we don't talk much, especially about our feelings. You might say that deep down, a man is real shallow. In fact, a man thinks talk is a four-letter word.

He thinks the relationship is going great, if he doesn't have to say anything. Putting a man in a situation where he has to talk makes him very uncomfortable. That's why men go to the bathroom alone, the way God intended it.

I appreciate that. A man, though, has difficulty expressing himself. My daughter, Charles says, will call, and I will say only three things. How's the weather? Do you need any money? Here's your mother.

My wife, though, can talk on the phone for 30 minutes. And I say, Who was that? And Penny says, Oh, I don't know. It was the wrong number. Things are simple with a man. Women are complex. They may even be smarter.

Think about it. A man's best friend, or excuse me, a woman's best friend is diamonds. But a man's best friend, it's a dog. Women are more complex. Think about this. When a woman is going out, she has to decide if she's going to wear her hair up or down, flat or high heels, slacks or dress, casual or dressy dress, stockings, knee-highs or socks, jewelry or no jewelry, lots of makeup or little makeup.

And gosh, doesn't that make you tired just thinking about that? A man, on the other hand, picks up some clothes and smells them. And if there's no visible dirt, he has himself an outfit. You see, women dress to express themselves.

Men dress so they won't be naked. Of course, the bottom line is, look at what women carry. A purse. It contains everything she might need. Men carry a wallet. It conveniently contains nothing but money and credit cards, which means you can buy or charge whatever you need.

Simple, but these differences affect many aspects of a relationship. And he concludes, let me tell you, Simple doesn't work with your wife when it comes to gifts. Gentlemen, if your last gifts to your wife have been things like salad shooters, dustbusters, weed whackers, deluxe irons or drywall compounds, you are in serious trouble.

All of these things work, but they won't work with your wife. And so we are significantly different. And turn over to the page that deals with the five basic needs of a man. And let me walk through this quickly.

And you'll see again that there is a completely different kind of wiring to a man than there is from a woman. Again, I think this list is correctly prioritized. And so number one, she has the need for, or he has the need, excuse me, for her admiration and respect.

And just note the line that's underlined in that paragraph. She is proud of her husband. God made a man in such a way that from his wife more than anybody else, he wants her admiration and respect. When this seminar ends, many of you will come up, whether it's true or not, and you'll be nice to me, say sweet things to me.

And I'll appreciate all that. And I'll be honest with you, at the very most basic level of who I am, I hope that I do a good job today. I hope that you like it. I hope that you enjoy it. I hope that you get something out of it.

I hope that you like me. I like to be liked, just like everybody else on the planet. So I'll be honest with you. There's another sense in which I really don't care what any of you think about me. And if I get through in a little while and get with my wife and I say, Honey, how did I do?

If all the rest of you say, crashed and burned, it was ugly. I can't believe that Rainey asked someone like you to do a seminar. But my wife says, Honey, you were great. You honored the Lord. You were clear.

I don't think I've ever heard you any better. I'll be just fine. I will be. Because what she thinks matters to me more than anybody else. We've begun to take surveys at the seminary, Southern, where I teach.

Because I always do a family weekend for our incoming students because we're real concerned about the marriages and the families of ministers. And one of the things that I will say is this, and I want you to listen to me.

I make a statement that goes something like this. A great woman can take a mediocre man and raise him to the level of good. But a not so great woman can take a great man and drop him to the level of mediocre.

And I say to the ladies, you have incredible power for good or ill in the life and ministry of your husband. And furthermore, there's no way for me to overstate how much your husband values your opinion of him.

And so what we have, though, is the ladies write a response. They write a survey and tell us what their pros and cons of the weekend. And over and over and over and over and over, over the last three years, we've had ladies write back that said something like this.

I went home and asked my husband if he really did care what I think and if what Danny Akin said was right. And my husband said it was the most important thing he said the entire weekend. I never knew he thought what I think mattered so much.

But it does on every level. And so it is imperative, it's not by accident, that the last phrase of Ephesians 5 is, and let the wife see that she respects. It means to honor, to admire her husband. It is at the very foundation of what a man is.

Now, secondly, he also has the need for sexual fulfillment and she does indeed become an excellent sexual partner to him. In survey work, not surprising, men have said this is their number one need. But it's not.

Now, it's high up there. I won't deny that. Number two, but not number one. And I think I can show you why. First of all, need number two is intimately related to need number one. And here's the deal, ladies.