Three Divine Principles for a Happy Marriage — Zac Poonen

God's Original Intention for Marriage

God was the first one who thought of marriage for man. When God created man, there was no woman. He didn't even know about marriage. But God created a woman and arranged their marriage. So, what I want to share with them and with all of you is, the way God intended marriage to be.

Because that first marriage of Adam and Eve did not work out the way God intended it. And throughout history, there's hardly any marriage that's fulfilled God's original intention. Because, I'd say more than 95 of marriages follow the way Adam and Eve went.

But there is a small percentage of people who have decided to put God first. I wonder whether it's even 5%, maybe 1%. But those are the happiest marriages in the world. They may not be the richest people or live in the most fancy houses, but they have Jesus living in their home.

And that makes a world of difference. So, if you have a Bible, I want you to turn with me to Genesis chapter 3. And there we read three principles that we can say the way God intended marriage to be. We know that we can build up strength only through physical exercise.

A person who doesn't do exercise, no matter how much they eat, never become strong. They'll only be fat, and fat does not mean strong. So, we don't want these guys to have a fat marriage, but a strong one.

And that comes through resistance to opposition. So, that's why when God made Adam and Eve, he sent them into a garden and allowed them to be tested. The testing was not to make them fall, but to give them freedom to choose.

And that is a choice that they made and that every human being and every marriage you have to make. The Bible says that in the garden into which God sent Adam and Eve, there were two trees. And those two trees symbolized two ways in which man could choose to live.

One was called the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The other was called the tree of life. And the implication in these two trees was this, that if you want the knowledge of good and evil just to be within yourself without consulting God, you choose this tree.

But if you are humble enough to say, I don't know what is really good and what is really evil, so I'd rather turn to God all the time to find out what is good and what is evil and live in continuous dependence upon him.

That is the tree of life. So, they had a choice. Just like every human being has a choice, every marriage has a choice. A life where you depend on yourself or a life where you depend on God. What is the mark of a life that is dependent on oneself?

We hardly ever pray because we know what to do. Why do we have to pray? We don't have to consult God about any decisions because we've got quite a lot of intelligence ourselves. That is the root cause of all the problems that humanity has faced.

And that's the root cause for the lack of peaceful marriages. So, to put it another way, it's a life centered in oneself or a life centered in God. God created Adam and Eve to live a life centered in God.

And then their life would be supremely happy. They would never fight with each other even once. They would never blame one another. And it would be peace, increasing peace throughout their life. So, remember that.

If you make your life centered in God, that's the only way you can have a peaceful, harmonious and happy married life. That's a life where you're centered in God for everything. Now, a lot of people may think that's a life of tremendous bondage.

The opposite. Jesus lived the most perfect and the happiest life any human being ever lived on this earth. And there was a reason. His life was completely dependent upon and centered upon God his Father.

So, thereby Jesus was showing us, this is the way you can live a happy life if you want to. Jesus wasn't rich, but he was happy. He didn't please human beings, but he pleased God. Now, if you're more interested in being rich than in being happy, then of course you won't choose that way.

Or, if you'd rather want to please men and your relatives and you're concerned about what they think about you, you don't want to live that way. So, then you make a choice that you're going to do what pleases yourself and what pleases other people around you and what pleases your relatives.

Then you're doomed to an unhappy married life. See, God gives us a choice. He doesn't force anyone. He never forces anyone to do anything. It's like saying, do you want a happy married life or do you want an unhappy one?

Don't you think it's a real idiot who chooses an unhappy married life? See, when we go to buy something in the market, it's a foolish person who says, let me buy what is cheapest. Because the cheapest thing may pack up in one month.

But if you buy something that is cheap, it will last longer. So, a sensible person who is willing to spend even double that amount, if he can buy something that will last longer. I mean, we know in the markets, when you go to buy something, something's made in China, something's made in Japan, which are you going to buy?

Everybody knows which they'll choose. Why? Because the other one's much more expensive. A camera made in Japan is much more expensive than one made in China. Why do you pay 10 times more for that? Because you want quality.

If you want quality in your marriage, you have to pay a price. And that price is, I will seek to please God, even if it offends my neighbors and my friends and relatives, no problem. And even if I have to deny myself, I am determined to have a happy marriage.

See, that's a choice. And it comes through being centered in God. I am determined to please God. So, that's the first thing. You know the story here in Genesis 3, how Eve went and took from that tree.

And she chose, I want to live a life centered in myself. And that's why she didn't even consult her husband when she went to that tree. She didn't even ask Adam. Darling, what do you think? Should we eat this tree or not?

The story may have been different. So there we see that choice that she made to be centered in herself. I don't want to consult God. In fact, I know God said don't eat it, but I can make my own choice.

Look at the number of so-called Christian families who make that choice. When something goes wrong in the home, they know God says put away all anger. They know that God has said, I know that, but at this time, I've got to get angry.

That's the only way I can get something done. There's no difference between that choice and what Eve made in the garden of Eden. You know what God has said? I don't care for that. I've got to do what I want.

How many Christian families can say, I don't care for that, I've got to do what I want. They don't disobey God there. They don't believe that obeying God is the way to a happy married life. So what's the result?

Then Adam also eats of it, and the first thing he does after that is to blame his wife, accuse her to God. They don't believe that obeying God is the way to a happy married life. So that's what happens when we turn away from the way God has shown.

When your life is centered in yourself, you'll be blaming each other. I like to see a painting of Adam pointing at his wife with his finger. A picture that's been repeated in many homes in these 6 ,000 years.

Acceptance, Transparency, and Immediate Forgiveness

Your fault. You did this. I told you not to do it. And reverse also from the other side. It's because God is not the center. We see it all around, but I say, when will we learn? The second thing, in this fallen world, every husband and wife must recognize that we are imperfect.

Well, I have to admit that I'm imperfect. It's ridiculous to pretend that I'm perfect. The only perfect person who walked on this earth was Jesus Christ. And the best of us is imperfect. So that's the first thing you must recognize about each other.

You're both imperfect. And next week, if you discover something in each other which is imperfect, don't be surprised. And next month, if you discover something else which is imperfect, don't be surprised.

Accept one another as the other person is. Do you know why? Because Jesus says, I accepted you just as you are. See, this is the wonderful thing about real salvation. People who are born in Christian families don't experience it.

Or any family. You have to come into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ to experience it. I mean, I never experienced it till I received Jesus Christ, my Lord, into my life. And that's open to all of us.

To invite Jesus Christ into our life, he will not come if he's not invited. And then we discover he accepts us just as we are. When he was on earth, he once said, I haven't come for all the healthy people.

I've come for the sick people. I haven't come for holy people. I came for sinners. I love that. That's why we can be accepted. Because he came for sinners. And he says, now the way I accepted you just as you are, all your life, accept your marriage partner just as he or she is.

Open and not ashamed. That's the way God has created us. God intended them to be with each other. No need to have any so-called spiritual fig leaves to cover ourselves from each other. If we have failed, what do we do with the Lord?

We go and say, Lord, I'm sorry, I slipped up. How long does he take to forgive us? Not even one second. Immediate. Forgiveness is immediate. That's how we must love one another. I don't have to be a prophet to tell you that you're going to make mistakes.

I don't have to be a prophet to say that you're going to hurt one another. Most of the time, unknowingly, accidentally, and perhaps sometimes deliberately. That also happens in marriage. What is the duty of the other partner?

The word of the Lord is, do what I did to you. Forgive. Immediately. And not only that. The Lord says, when I forgive you, I will not bring up that matter again. Don't bring it up again. It's finished.

It's over. Leave it. Bury it. Don't go digging up these matters that were once forgiven. You go and ask any married couple who has not understood this law. Any married couple in the world. And you will find that they have the habit of bringing up things from the past at some moments when they are upset with each other.

They go digging graves. They bury something and they go dig it up again. Don't do it. Yeah, the devil wants you to be unhappy. God wants you to be happy. God wants you to have a heavenly home here on this earth.

Christ's Cross, Resurrection, and the Spirit's Work in Marriage

The good news that Jesus Christ came with was that he can forgive all our past sins if we receive him as our savior and our Lord. Because he died for us on the cross. He took our punishment. And he rose from the dead alive.

The only person ever who came out of the grave. He ascended to heaven in the presence of others. From heaven he sent his Holy Spirit to come and live in us. So that the life which he lived on earth can now be reproduced within us.

That gives us God's nature. God's nature is that then we can forgive one another as God forgave us. Then we can be patient with each other as God is patient with us. And we can accept one another with their faults just like God accepted us with our faults.

So that's the second thing. Then I want to say a third thing. God wanted Adam and Eve to recognize their need of each other. So that they would always do things together. You know how the first sin came in this world?

Doing Things Together Against the Devil

One woman decided to act on her own without her husband. It doesn't matter how many times it happened. It could have been the husband acting without the wife. God never wanted that. God wanted every decision they take to be taken together.

But we read here in Genesis 3 how the devil came. Now a lot of people don't like to hear about the devil at a wedding. But if there are snakes outside, it's good to know about it. That's not scaring people, that's warning people.

And we read in the Bible that as soon as God conducted the first marriage, the very next sentence is the devil came. And we read in the Bible that as soon as Adam and Eve got married, the devil came. And that was not in a sin-cursed earth, that was in perfect paradise.

So how much more in this sin-cursed earth? The devil is going to attack every single Christian marriage from day one. Adam and Eve were defeated. We don't have to be defeated because of one reason. In Adam and Eve's time, Satan had not been defeated.

But when Jesus Christ died on the cross, he defeated Satan. The Bible says he took away his power. He didn't kill him, but he just took away his power. And if you understand that, just like you understand that Jesus took away your sins, if you also understand he took away Satan's power, Satan will have no more power in your marriage.

But you got to be together. Satan always tries to get a person alone because he can knock him down alone. That's what he did. Even though Adam and Eve were standing next to each other, the devil very cleverly got into a conversation with Eve.

So here's the third thing. God wants you to do things together. Always. There's a verse in the middle of the Bible in Ecclesiastes where it says, Chapter 4, verse 9, two are better than one. It's referring to marriage.

Two are better than one. God said it first. He said it's not good for a man to be alone. I would say that. It's not good for a woman to be alone either. Be together with your partner in every decision.

And don't let anything come between you. If something comes, get rid of it. Come back together again. Why are two better than one? Because verse 10, if one is about to fall, the other one can hold him.

And if he's actually fallen, he can lift him up. But if he's slipping, he can hold him before he falls. Or if she's slipping, he can hold her before she falls. And that is how they can stand against Satan.

It says that further in verse 12. If one, that is Satan, can overpower one person when he's alone, two of them can resist him. That's referring to marriage. Eve tried to resist Satan alone and she got defeated.

So whenever anyone in a marriage faces pressure, it's better to get back to their partner and say, let's face this issue together. Don't try to face any issue in marriage alone. God wants you to do everything together.

Don't forget that. Because you can resist the devil. And the New Testament, we read in Matthew chapter 18, that when two people are together, he's speaking about two in verse 19, just like we read in Ecclesiastes.

Agreement, God's Presence, and Answered Prayer

If two are agreed, that means they are one. The actual word there is two are in symphony, like a musical symphony. No discord in the two instruments. No. You're like people playing two different instruments.

You must be in symphony. If you agree, then here are at least three things that happen. Number one, Jesus says, verse 20, I will be there between you. I'll be in the middle of you. If both of you agree.

That's why the devil always gets husband and wife to disagree on something. Because he knows that the Lord will not be in their midst anymore. Believe me, I've watched Christian homes for 56 years. In many parts of the world, I've corresponded with hundreds and hundreds of people, married couples.

Christian couples. I want to tell you, in the vast majority of homes, they do not agree. So the Lord is not there. The Lord is not in many Christian homes. Because they don't agree. Husband and wife don't agree.

The devil knows that. These foolish Christians have got a Bible, but they don't know that. They don't realize the tremendous power that can be in a home when two agree. I've experienced it in my home for many years.

In my life, in the way I brought up my children, and in my ministry. I'm not better than anybody. I just understood God's principle. You know, there are certain laws in nature. If you follow those laws, you get the benefit of it.

If you disobey them, you suffer. We all know there are foods that are healthy to the body and foods that are not healthy. And if somebody understands it and eats the foods healthy, he becomes healthy.

And if he eats the foods that are not healthy, he becomes sick. Here is a law. Here is a spiritual law. If both of you remain agreed, and that means if something comes in between, you immediately take it to the Lord and get forgiveness and again get agreed.

First of all, the Lord will be there with you. All the time. Secondly, verse 19, when you pray, God's going to hear and answer your prayer. Boy, we have so many needs in marriage. We have so many needs in marriage.

Financial needs, physical needs, and when you have children, more needs. Problems in school, problems with sickness of the children. Anybody who has children knows this. My wife and I have gone through all of that.

And we have seen the tremendous power in getting God to answer our prayers. What is the condition? Make sure nothing comes between both of you. Thirdly, when two are agreed, they resist the devil and he is bound.

His activities are bound. Verse 18. It's wonderful to follow God's laws. God's laws are wonderful. So please remember the way God originally intended marriage. To be centered in God and not in yourselves.

To always do things together and not alone. To stand against the devil and to be open with each other and not hide from one another. So let me repeat that. First, to be centered in God and not seeking to please yourself or anybody else.

And second, to be open and transparent and accept one another the way God accepted you. And thirdly, to always do things together to resist the devil. So let me repeat that. First, to be centered in God and not seeking to please yourself.