Spirit Filled Family — Zac Poonen

The New Covenant and the Christian Family

We have been considering the distinctive features of the New Covenant and we have been looking at a number of aspects of this in the last five sessions, features that were not possible for man under the Old Covenant.

And this evening I want to look with you at the possibility under the New Covenant of our being able to build a family that reflects the glory of Christ. We don't read much about husband-wife relationships in the Old Testament.

There is no command for husbands or wives in the Old Testament law. There were very detailed instructions given to the Israelites concerning various things, but almost nothing concerning husband-wife relationships or the importance of the family.

And as far as I can understand, there was very little fellowship between husbands and wives in the Old Testament. I don't know how much Abraham and Sarah prayed together. I don't know how much they shared with each other about spiritual things or any of the other husbands and wives in the Old Testament.

We do see some examples and warnings in the Old Testament concerning bringing up children. But when it comes to the New Testament, there are very specific instructions which were never found under the Old Covenant.

Women as Co-Workers and Joint Heirs

And that's partly because we can say that under the law a woman never had much of a place. But once Jesus came, he gave women a very important place in the ministry. All had co-workers that were women, we read in Romans 16.

And the wife became a very important part of the body of Christ that helped to build the body. In the New Covenant, the Spirit would be poured out on men and women. And men and women would prophesy, we read in Acts chapter 2.

It was a completely new age. And I know in India, with the culture of my country, very similar to the culture that is found among the Jews in the time of Jesus, the woman is not given any important place at all.

She is like a slave, a servant, one who is supposed to cook the meals, produce children, take care of the house, and mind her own business in the back of the house when the men are talking. And in most cases, she would not even sit at table with the men if guests were present.

And it's so different, what I see in the New Testament. In the New Testament, it speaks about husband and wife as joint heirs of the grace of life. In 1 Peter chapter 3, maybe we could start with this verse.

1 Peter 3, 7, it says, likewise ye husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, or in an understanding way. Now in the Old Testament, there was no command to husbands to try and understand their wives.

The husband just gave the orders and the wife just followed. And if the husband decided something, he didn't consult his wife. When Abraham left Ur of the Chaldees, I don't think he discussed it with his wife at all.

He just said, pack up, let's pack up, we're going. When he went to offer Isaac on Mount Moriah, I doubt whether he mentioned a word to his wife about what was going to happen. But here it says, dwell with your wives according to understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life.

Heirs together means we've got to sit together on the throne, husband and wife. If you don't let your wife sit with you, you can't sit there either. So if you want to be a king, you've got to make your wife a queen, otherwise you can't be the king.

You can't be a king and a slave. You can't have her as a slave and be a king. If you make her a slave, you'll be a slave too. Heirs together, joint heirs of the grace of life. And he says, if you don't do that, your prayers will be hindered.

One reason why we need to sit together with our wives on the throne of life that Jesus has provided for us, we are kings and priests, is because that's the only way God will hear our prayers. In the Old Testament, a woman could never be a king or a queen, could certainly not be a priest.

But in the book of Revelation, we read men and women singing together that He has made us kings and priests. He has made us reign on the earth. It's not only men who are going to be kings and priests, women too.

The priesthood of all believers, men and women, there's no such thing in the Old Covenant. Men and women, joint heirs, reigning together. Like I said, in many, many, many areas, believers are living in, according to Old Covenant principles.

You can't blame the Charismatics who preach a health and wealth gospel, because they got it from the Old Testament, if you got a lot of other principles from the Old Testament also. If you get your principles from the Old Testament, you've got to give them the right to get their principles from the Old Testament too.

And I find very often, one group of people who have selected certain principles from the Old Testament, criticizing another group of Christians who have selected a certain other group of principles from the Old Testament, and they don't, each of them don't see the inconsistency of their position.

So there are many things like this, where, if you go back to the Old Covenant, for your understanding, you got to be Old Covenant all the way. But if you come to the New Covenant, you find many things have changed.

The Family as the Body of Christ

God wants a family that reflects the glory of Christ. A family unit is a very important part of the body of Jesus Christ. A church is not as strong as the men in that church, a church is as strong as the families in that church.

If a church has only got strong men, well, it's a sort of a men's club. If a church has got strong families, that's a church, the body of Christ. Because the church is one large family, made up of many individual families together, living according to the principles of God's kingdom.

If you turn to Ephesians in chapter 5, there's a whole passage here concerning the family, beginning in verse 22, Ephesians 5, 22, all the way to chapter 6 and verse 9. In those days, a family consisted of husband and wife, children and slaves.

Lots of Christian homes had servants, lots of, of course, they had slaves who were bought. Lots of Christian homes in India have servants, not slaves, servants who are paid a wage to work in the home.

And some of these teachings are very relevant to the way you must treat a servant in your home, as a master. This whole section, Ephesians 5, 22 to chapter 6 and verse 9. And what I want to point out here is, before and after this section of scripture, we have two very important passages, which are often preached about, often quoted in, I think every church would have something to speak about these important passages, every denomination.

But in spite of that, most denominations would never speak about this passage in between, about the home. The verse I'm referring to before this passage is Ephesians 5, 18, where it says, Be filled with the Spirit.

Almost every Christian denomination would have something to say about being filled with the Holy Spirit. It means be continuously, be being filled with the Spirit. That's the meaning of that verse, indicating that you're not just filled or baptized with the Holy Spirit once.

You must live in a continuous fullness. A mistake that charismatic and anti-charismatic Christians make. Be being filled, be continuously, constantly filled with the Spirit. And if you are constantly filled with the Spirit, you live.

The Spirit-Filled Home and the Atmosphere of Heaven

You know, the Holy Spirit has come to bring to us the atmosphere of heaven. Peter says that, he uses that expression. In 1 Peter 1, he speaks about the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven. 1 Peter 1, 12, the Holy Spirit sent down from heaven to bring into our hearts a foretaste of what heaven is like.

That's how I understand the ministry of the Holy Spirit. It refers to that in Hebrews chapter 6 as well. It says we are made, Hebrews 6 verse 4 and 5, the last part, that we were made partakers of the Holy Spirit and have tasted the powers of the world to come.

So when I'm made a partaker of the Holy Spirit, thereby I get a taste of the powers of that eternal age. I don't get it in fullness, but I get a taste of it. That's why I believe that God sometimes heals sick bodies.

Because one day we're going to have a resurrection body. That's the fullness of what we're going to get. But we can get a taste of that resurrection body that conquers sickness and death by supernatural healing in our body now.

Occasionally. He doesn't do it always. We get a little taste. We get a little taste of the joy of heaven, of the peace of heaven, of the righteousness of heaven, of the goodness of heaven through the Holy Spirit.

That's the purpose of it. And our homes should be a reflection of heaven. That's what we should strive for. That's the purpose. If you are filled with the Holy Spirit, we read in Ephesians 5 .19 onwards, this is how it's going to be, a spirit-filled life.

There will be songs and melody in your heart. There will be joy, because that's how heaven is. You'll always be giving thanks, verse 20, for all things. There won't be any complaining and murmuring, because there is no complaining and murmuring in heaven.

There will be a spirit of submission, verse 21. Now it's very important for husbands to recognize that before it says in verse 22, favorite verse for many husbands, wives submit yourselves to your husbands.

Now I always say, the Bible says, don't be a busybody in other people's matters. That command is not for husbands. So don't be a busybody in what your wife is supposed to do. If a wholehearted husband will read that and just move on to the next verse.

He says, that doesn't concern me, I just got to ignore it. But a lot of husbands meditate on that verse and preach on it. Now, because they misread it. They misread it as though it says, husbands make your wives submit to you.

That's not what it says. If it said that, then you should do it. It says, wives. Are you a wife? No? Forget it. Go to the next verse then. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands. But before it says that, do you know what it says?

A verse not so popular with husbands, verse 21. Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God. If you have understood that, you can go to the next verse. Wives, submit yourselves to the husbands.

The problem with a lot of people is, the husbands have jumped into verse 22 without understanding verse 21. In the Christian church, there is a mutual submission. Of one to another. Even parents to children.

Very important to understand. That's a spirit filled life. This is how my home must be. Verse 19. Psalms, hymns, spiritual songs. Singing. Making melody in our hearts to the Lord. And in the home. Giving thanks always for all things.

No murmuring. No complaining. And submitting to one another. Husband submitting to the wife. Wife submitting to the husband. Father submitting to the children. Children submitting to the fathers. That's how I understand one to another.

Before it speaks about children obeying the parents. So what does this verse mean? Very important to understand. If we want to understand everything else in its context. In the fear of God. You see, God has drawn a circle.

Around everyone. And a lot of problems arise because people don't understand the limits of their circle. Sin comes when a man goes outside his circle. Let me go back to Eden. God drew a huge circle around Adam and Eve.

He said you can eat of all the thousands of trees in the garden. There is only one tree outside that circle. Don't go outside that circle. And what did they do? They tried to increase that size of that circle.

To bring that tree also inside. Ate it and sinned. So we could say that Adam sinned. Was and Eve sinned. Was they made their circle bigger than what God made it. They included what God had excluded. Now God has drawn a circle around children.

He has drawn a circle around fathers, mothers, husbands, wives. And I have to be careful that I respect. The circle that God has drawn around my wife. That I don't go treading into that and thinking that that's also in my circle.

Does she have no circle at all? What about children? Don't they have a circle around them? If there were no circle around them then you could treat them like a slave. Like you could treat this table, hammer it, beat it, do what you like.

But there is a circle. It says don't provoke them to roar. Don't irritate them to the point of anger. That's a circle. Don't do it. Don't tread into that. It doesn't say do what you like. They are your children.

No. You can't do it. Respect your wife. I see that everything in the Old Testament was only a little bit of what came in its fullness in the New Testament. It says it was only a shadow. The Old Testament.

Old Covenant Shadows and New Covenant Fulness

The sacrifice of the lamb was a shadow of the sacrifice of Christ. The one day in seven Sabbath was a shadow of the seven day Sabbath we have today. Where we can be at rest in God seven days a week and not just one day a week.

Where we can walk with God and fellowship with Him not just one day a week but seven days a week. The giving 10 in the Old Testament was a shadow of where we give everything to God and say Lord all that I have is yours.

Tell me how much of this I can use for myself. It is very different from the Old Testament where you say Lord 10 is yours, 90 is mine. Please don't interfere in what's mine. But the New Testament is more glorious.

And in the Old Testament it said in Leviticus 19 that when you see a gray haired man you must rise up and honor him. Respect is something that's disappearing from the world today. It's one of the marks of the world hurtling towards judgment and disaster.

Young people don't have any more respect for older people in society. That's even taught under the law that you must rise up before the gray haired man and respect him. Now that was Old Testament. In the New Testament it's even better.

It says in 1 Peter 2 verse 17 that we must honor all men. Isn't that wonderful? Not just the old men. We honor all people. We honor the unbeliever. We honor our wives. Not just the wife is to honor the husband.

What does it say in 1 Peter 2 verse 17? Honor all human beings. I must speak to my children respectfully. Not treat them like garbage and trash and speak to them like that. Honor them. They've got a little circle.

They've got a dignity about them and I must not bulldoze my way into that. You say things like you're good for nothing. Nothing will ever come of you. You're always making mistakes. Haven't I told you a thousand times not to do it?

Maybe you told them two or three times. But that's how we speak. You see that's all treading into their circle. And you keep treading into their circle and you're doing the same thing which Adam did. Trying to expand the circle going into things God had told him not to go into.

And we reap the consequences. We lose fellowship with God. Just like Adam lost fellowship with God. You don't treat your wife with respect. You don't speak to her with respect. You think well she's got to submit to me.

You lose fellowship with God. Your prayers are hindered it says. You don't allow her to sit on the throne with you. You think you're the boss and she's just got to obey you. What's happening? You pray God doesn't listen.

Well he told you in the scriptures he wouldn't listen. Your prayers are hindered. When fellowship with each other is lost. Vertical fellowship with God is also lost immediately. See this is the tragedy.

So submitting to one another. It says about masters treating their servants without threatening them. And behaving to them as you want your heavenly master to behave towards you. That draws a circle around you.

Even though you're a master. You can't treat that servant as you like. And some restrictions. So that's the meaning of submit to one another in the fear of God. God has not allowed you to do whatever you like with your wife.

Whatever you like with your children. Whatever you like with your slaves. No, no, no. There are some restraints on you. There's a circle around you. Submit to one another. When you recognize that you're going outside your circle into her circle or your children circle.

Hang on. Hold on. And pull back. Don't move in there. If we would remember this. How different our homes would be. So if you want to build your home. Don't start with Ephesians 5 .22. Start with Ephesians 5 .21.

When we're filled with the Holy Spirit. We learn to submit to one another. It's the same in the church. As an elder in a church. I have to submit to my younger brothers. They've got a circle around them.

I must honor them. Honor all men. I must treat them with dignity. I've had occasions where. I've had to correct. A brother who was wrong. And then. As I've gone away after correcting him. The Lord has said to me.

What you did was right. But. You could have done it more gently. That was harsh. The way you spoke to him. And I've gone back to that brother. And said brother I'm sorry. Forgive me. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that.

What I said was right. But the way I said it. Was a bit too hard. I've apologized to people. Who are younger than my youngest son. I've never had a problem with that. Because I feared God. It says in the fear of God.

That means. I realized. That unconsciously perhaps. I went outside my circle. I got into his circle. What do I mean by that? I treated him without respect. My circle was correct him. But it was correct him with respect.

But I got into his circle. And corrected him without respect. And the fear of God. Made me realize. I got into a circle. You know. It's something like. Taking money out of somebody else's wallet. If I were to use an illustration.

I can take money out of my own wallet. As much as I like. But. When I see his wallet. It may be my son's wallet. I can't take it from there. I can't say oh that's my son. I can take it. I can do what I like.

Oh that brother is under me. I can take money from his wallet. No I can't. We recognize that. When it comes to money. But we don't recognize that. In many other areas. And that's our problem. We can make life difficult.

For our marriage partners. By imposing our personality on them. God's given us all unique personalities. And he doesn't want one to be like the other. He doesn't want you to be like me. Or me to be like you.

But one of the mistakes. That some husbands make. Is to try and make their wives like them. See things from my point of view. That's actually quite stupid. When you think of it. I believe in a truly God ordained marriage.

A husband and wife will be exact opposite of each other. Which means if the husband views a building from the north side. And takes a photograph. The wife will take a photograph of the same building. From the southern side.

And when you put it both together. They look completely different. But it's the same building. And you get a better view. Now if you're a stupid husband. You'll force your husband say. You'll force your wife to come around to your viewpoint.

And say you got to look at things the way I look at it. And bring her right round to the northern side where you stand. And say you photograph from here. And you put both together. Okay. What have you got?

A two dimensional view. Who's the loser? You. Who are the ones who suffer? Probably your children. And your home. Why don't you just leave her where God placed her? Why don't you allow her to have her little circle.

Of her viewpoint. Put it together. And you get a better picture of the whole matter. Or issue. At hand. That is God's way. Now they never had all this understanding in the old covenant. They couldn't be filled with the spirit.

Complementary Gifts in Marriage

Husband and wife could not be filled with the spirit. There were no two spirit filled husband and wife. No spirit filled husband and wife in the entire old covenant. No. There was occasional people upon whom the spirit rested.

But a spirit filled husband with a spirit filled wife. Is a uniquely new covenant thing. That's the family. Which God wants to establish. A spirit filled family. A family that reflects the glory of Christ.

It's not possible in the old testament. But there we need to recognize one another's boundaries as I say. Recognize each other's gifts and viewpoints. When young couples are getting married. And I counsel them.

I draw a little diagram. Of a broken eggshell. And I say. And I draw it broken like this. And with all the jagged edges. Those edges are very sharp. And I say you're like this. The husband. And you're like this.

The wife. You got a projection where she's got a depression. And she's got a projection where you got a depression. But when you put it together. There's not a gap. It's perfectly one. But. If you're a foolish husband.

And you say. Well wherever I've got a projection. You must have one too. And you chip off that eggshell. And wherever I've got a depression. You must have one too. You put it together. There are a lot of holes in between.

It's stupidity. God has given her strengths. Where you have weaknesses. And given you. Weaknesses. Where she has strengths. And when you put together. Her strengths cover your weaknesses. And your strengths cover her weaknesses.

And there's. There are no gaps. And your children are protected. The glory of God was seen in Jesus Christ. Full of grace and truth. It was perfectly seen in Jesus. That glory. When it is to be seen in us.

It's very difficult. To see a man who's perfectly balanced. In grace and truth. Maybe over many years. Of walking with God. A person becomes more like that. But initially. We all tend to be a little more towards truth.

Or a little more towards grace. But as we. Work together with someone else. Who's imbalanced the other way. There can be a more balanced. Manifestation of the glory of God. Full of grace and truth. And that's the wonderful thing.

About having a wife. Who's different from you. Romans chapter 11 says. Behold the kindness. And the severity of God. God is kind. And God is severe. And it's very difficult. To find that perfect balance.

In any one human being. And so God balances us in the home. With a wife or a husband. Who's the opposite of you. So the kindness and severity of God. Can both be seen. By your children. So that together.

You can reflect God to your children. So that's why you have two elders in a church. And not one. That's how we have it in all our churches. And that's how it was in the. New Testament. There was never one man.

Who led the church. You never find any such people. The apostles appointed elders. Why? Because where two. Come together. There Jesus is in the midst. Otherwise there's no midst. There's no midst. There's only one person.

And one person leading a church. Will produce an imbalanced church. It's like a seesaw. You sit one end of the seesaw. The other end is up. What you need is. Another person over there. At the other end.

To balance the seesaw. And if you force that other person. To come around to your side. You're going to have the seesaw. Even more up like that. And that's what happens in some churches. Where an elder is forced.

By the other. Stronger elder. To come around to his viewpoint. And then you have an imbalanced church. Like a seesaw. Sticking up like that. Instead of balance. So think of your wife. As sitting at the other end of the seesaw.

Balancing your home. Think of an elder. As sitting at the other end of the seesaw. Balancing your home. Please don't be foolish. To bring that person over to your side. Sometimes it can be the wife. Some.

Husbands are effeminate. Don't take the lead. And then the wife is the boss. And she decides. Like Eve. I don't need to discuss with my husband. I feel this tree is good. I've discussed it with the devil.

And we've agreed on the terms. And I'm going to eat it. Okay. Then she tells her husband. You know this is pretty good. I think you should be doing this too. And meek effeminate man that he was. He says.

Okay darling. I won't hurt you. He eats it. Remember. That's how all the confusion you see in the world came. Because one woman. Decided. She could take a decision. Without consulting the head. God had placed over her.

That's how all the sin and confusion you see in the world today. All the evil. And the murder. And the drug addiction. And the drunkards. And the murders. And wars. And everything came through one woman.

Who decided. There was no need for me to consult. There's no need for me to consult my husband. I know. I know. I'm pretty clever. Think what a different story it would have been. If she had said. Well.

Supposing she had told the devil. Well Satan. What you say. Sounds pretty reasonable. But let me just consult with my husband. God's given me a head over me. Let me discuss it with him. And then get back to you.

It may have been a different story. Tremendous value. In. Balance. It's important for a husband. To. Recognize his position as the head. Not allow. His wife. To do what she likes. There we read in. Genesis chapter 3.

Headship, Submission, and Spiritual Warfare

That when he was carrying on this conversation. With Satan. In the early years. When I read the Bible carelessly. I thought Eve had gone for a private walk in the garden all by herself. And then that's when the devil got her.

But on reading the Bible more carefully. I discovered that was not true. It says in Genesis 3 6. Her husband was with her. All the time. He wasn't on a private walk. And what was Adam doing. Like a dumb man.

He was standing there watching. This conversation going on. Why a wife and Satan and wife and Satan. And he was just listening and. Moving his head this way and that way. And he didn't say a word. And he saw him saw her eating the tree.

And he didn't say a word. Until she gave it to him. And then he opened his mouth. And ate it. And when God came to Adam. He told him. You know what your first sin is Adam. Listen to this. Adam your first sin.

Is not that you ate of the tree. That was your second sin. Genesis chapter 3. And verse 17. The Lord said to Adam. Your first sin. Was that you listen to your wife. Your second sin. Was that. You ate of the tree.

So what do you see there. What was Adam's first sin. He listened to his wife. Second. He ate of the tree. Don't ever forget that. God said to him. Listen I made you to be the head of your home. What in the world were you doing.

When your wife was just talking to Satan. All this conversation was going on. You just stood there like a dumb man. And just opened your mouth. Only when she offered you the fruit. So there is a place.

For fellowship. There is a place for headship. And I said. When we are filled with the spirit. It leads on to this type of submission to one another. And then it speaks about wives and husbands. And children and parents.

And then you come to the end of this. Section in Ephesians 6. And then. After speaking about the home. It comes to another important passage. Says finally my brethren. Put on the whole armor of God. Verse 11.

That you may stand against the schemes. The wiles of the devil. Then it goes on to that whole. Wonderful section of spiritual warfare. So here is a. Passage on being filled with the spirit. In Ephesians 5 18.

And here is a very important passage. Very important in the Christian life. And here is another passage on spiritual warfare. The only passage in the New Testament. Really. That explains spiritual warfare at such length.

Ephesians 6. Verse 11. Onwards. And in between the two. You have the section on the Christian home. What does that teach us? It teaches us. First of all. That the fullness of the spirit. Should lead on.

To a life in the Christian home. First. That means. You must learn. How to speak in a proper tongue. To your wife. At home. And in a proper tongue. To your husband at home. That is what we need to learn first.

Graciously. Kindly. Honoring. Respecting the other person. And the other thing we learn. That this warfare section. Comes after the home. Indicates. Who is going to put on this armor. Husbands and wives.

Children and parents. The battle is going to be in the home. That's where the warfare rages today. That's where the devil is seeking to attack today. We should not be ignorant of his wiles. We want to stand against the wiles of the devil.

In the home. We wrestle against principalities and powers. In the home. We need to take the whole armor of God. In the home. We need to stand with our loins girt about. With truth and the breastplate of righteousness.

And the shield of faith. And the sword of the spirit. In the home. That's it. If we understand this. We see how important the Christian home is. There was no such thing in the Old Testament. There was no such thing as a spiritual family in the Old Testament.

And there was no such thing as a. Spiritual battleground in the Old Testament home. Where husband and wife together battle Satan. That never happened even with Abraham and Sarah. It never happened with any family in the Old Testament.

But that's our calling in the New Testament. In the New Covenant. This is the battleground. And many of us have seen how the devil battles in the home. How his attacks are there. How he flings the fiery darts.

Speaks about the fiery darts. Of the wicked. These missiles flung. It's in the home. It's at our children usually. Spirits are operating. Trying to control. One member of the home. Trying to bring division.

Trying to bring tension. Trying to separate husband and wife. Whom God has joined together. What God has joined together. Let no man put us under. It's not just divorce that separates husband and wife.

When there's tension in a home. It's the beginning of divorce. It culminates in divorce finally. But it begins with tension in the home. And it's no use glorying in the fact. That we don't divorce. If you haven't understood the new covenant.

Jesus said in the old covenant. It said don't commit murder. But I say stop murder where it starts. With anger. That's new covenant. Jesus said in the old covenant. It said don't commit adultery. But I say stop adultery where it starts.

With lust in the heart. So if the command is don't commit divorce. The Lord says stop it where it starts. With tension in the home. With separation. With misunderstanding. With an unwillingness to talk to each other.

Communication and Joy in Marriage

Now I want to tell you something. Which sounds so unspiritual. I don't have a scripture for this. So I'm not going to give it to you. As a commandment from the Lord. I'll make it clear when I speak. When it's my opinion.

Paul once said in 1 Corinthians 7. I don't have any commandment from the Lord. But I'll give you my opinion. As one who has found mercy from the Lord. I think he was very honest about certain things. He said I don't have a clear command from the Lord.

So you can throw it in the trash can if you like. But it's my opinion. The test of a relationship. Between a husband and wife. Whether it's a good relationship. Is not. Whether they can read the Bible together.